


Doc Scratch's School for Supernaturally Gifted Adolescents

by medical



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Gen, Humanstuck, M/M, Minor Character Death, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2018-12-22 23:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 193,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11977599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medical/pseuds/medical
Summary: One minute you get a mysterious message from a man who types all in white like a jackass, and then the next thing you know you're being whisked away to a mystical school for kids with superpowers. If you weren't Dave fucking Strider, this sort of thing might bother you.





	1. The Start

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Школа Дока Скретча Для Сверхъестественно Одаренных Подростков.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14525580) by [arkady_chan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arkady_chan/pseuds/arkady_chan)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took all my self-control to not title this Skaia High

turntechGodhead [TG] opened thread titled "weird shit roundup" on board SKAIANET.

TG: so uh  
TG: didnt really want to be the one to bring this up but its been going on for long enough so here goes i guess  
TG: has anyone else on here been getting like  
TG: weird spooky blank messages  
TG: from an unknown account  
gardenGnostic [GG] responded to thread.  
GG: hm i dunno dave! i havent received anything like that  
GG: but then again my antivirus is pretty tight so i dont tend to get messages from spambots :o  
TG: yeah yeah we get it  
TG: youre an eccentric girl genius with your own private island surrounded by five million firewalls and enough bandwidth to conquer a small country and basically not only is your shit locked up tighter than an old timey maidens chastity belt but also you can zap stuff around like youre a human laser gun  
TG: leave some talent for the rest of us harley  
GG: oh shush!!!!! :p  
ectoBiologist [EB] responded to thread.  
EB: wait, you’ve been getting blank messages too??  
EB: i thought it was just my browser acting up again.  
TG: ok not gonna deny that your browser is shit squared and you should way the fuck download hephaestus  
TG: but yeah no  
TG: ive been getting them for months now  
TG: pretty much everyday actually  
EB: weird!  
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to thread.  
TT: Color me surprised to see this board being used for anything other than the usual discussions of the banal interspersed with passive-aggressive flirting.  
TT: Considering my powers as a seer, you would’ve thought I might have seen this coming, but no.  
TT: Truly the whims of fate can be mysterious.  
TG: spare us your snarky bs for just one conversation here sis this shits kinda serious  
TT: Is it?  
TG: look ill make this real easy  
TG: are you or are you not getting blank messages  
TG: y/n  
TG: simple question simple answer  
TT: Yes, I have been getting them.  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to thread.  
GA: Perhaps Now Would Be A Good Time To Chime In And Mention That I Have Been Receiving These Messages Also  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to thread.  
CG: WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK ARE YOU IDIOTS GOING ON ABOUT THIS TIME?  
CG: I THOUGHT THERE WAS AN ATTACK HELICOPTER HOVERING ABOVE MY HOUSE READY TO FINALLY PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY, BUT IT WAS JUST MY DAMN CELLPHONE SPONTANEOUSLY DETONATING WITH NOTIFICATIONS. SO THANKS FOR THAT.  
CG: ASSHOLES.  
TG: is this seriously the most messages youve had all day  
CG: HEY, DICKCHEESE, HOW ABOUT YOU SPARE ME ALL FUTURE "OWNS" AND "BURNS" AND JUST BAN ME FROM THE THREAD RIGHT NOW.  
CG: THIS DISCUSSION MEANS NOTHING TO ME ANYWAY. MY FIREWALL IS IMPENETRABLE.  
TG: will do  
TG  banned CG from responding to thread.   
GG: hm!!  
GG: well if it were just dave it would be one thing but its VERY strange that this is happening to other people too…  
GG: skaianet is supposed to be secure! i designed it after all :p  
GG: you definitely shouldnt be able to chat with someone who hasnt received an invite by me!  
twinArmageddons [TA] responded to thread.  
TA: iif 2omeone who’2 been gettiing 2pam giive2 me theiir pa22word ii can run 2ome program2 and fiind out who the 2ender ii2  
TA: ii am fuckiing iincrediible at thii2 2ort of thiing after all.  
TG: ok but did we ever establish why in the name of the late great bill gates you type like that  
TG: you know if i didnt get the thumbs up from jade i wouldve blocked you for being a spambot too  
TG: usin leetspeak to tell me about all the hot busty russians in my area  
GG: yes honestly sollux your typing style is kind of a pain to read!  
TA: iit’2 two keep the fed2 off my back.  
TG: ok sure sounds about right  
TG: anyway i feel like if i hadnt already banned shouty from the thread then he might have something to say about handing our passwords over to you of all people  
TA: 2houty huh?  
TA: he ha2 a name you know  
TG: yeah and i dont give a single fuck what it is  
TA: a22hole.  
TG: butter me up all you like im not giving you my password  
TA: joke’2 on you, wiindbag, iif ii really wanted two ii could be po2tiing thou2and2 of glo22y hii-re2 diick piic2 all over your 2ociial mediia riight now and there would be 2hiit all you could do about iit  
TA: iid bet half of my 2weet 2etup your pa22word ii2 your grandma’2 ham2ter2 name or 2ome lame crap liike that.  
TA: but 2eriiou2ly 2omeone ju2t try trackiing the IIP addre22 or 2omethiing.  
EB: but that is the point!  
EB: there ISN’T a sender. it is just a blank username.   
EB: it doesn’t even have any characters!  
TT: Well, doesn’t this situation just get spookier by the second?  
GA: That Would Be One Charmingly Alliterative Way Of Putting It Yes

 

Dave rested his head on his hand, no longer bothering to watch the colorful but useless menagerie of messages flashing up on his screen. The Texas heat was radiating even through the closed shutter blinds, and he felt like he was starting to marinate in his own sweat.

Really he knew he shouldn’t have expected much in the way of a helpful response from anyone who frequented the Skaianet forums. Because of the sheer number of dorks lumped together in one place, most conversations on there were derailed within minutes. He gave this one two more before it fizzled out.

 

It had been Jade, his internet pal since before puberty, who had invited him to join Skaianet. He had always kept his powers on the DL, mostly because he had no idea who he would even talk to about them. Definitely not Bro. In fact, the first time he found out he could warp time was during a strife with his Bro – fuck, how old had he been? Maybe eight or nine. Too young to be swinging a sword that large around, for sure.

_Or any sword, for that matter._

They had been fighting on the roof of their apartment block, as usual. Dave had been getting his ass predictably handed to him, and then to make matters worse he went and made a stupid slip and got himself disarmed.

One terrifying moment he was standing there, Bro's katana an inch from hitting his face, and then in the next - time suddenly seemed to stretch out like taffy - and then - before he knew it - he had managed to dart straight under Bro’s arm, down the fire escape and into their apartment. He was bolting the door to his room before Bro had even finished lowering his sword. And that dude was _fast_ with his clay-tempered blade.

(Actually, Dave always suspected Bro might also have had powers of the time-shenanigan variety. The speed at which he controlled those fucking puppets of his seemed a little too much to be... normal.)

 

So after that day he knew he could do some weird stuff vis a vis time. Specifically, stretch out a second until it felt like an eternity, and that was pretty much all. He kept this knowledge to himself, of course, because a Strider is nothing if not a man of secrecy and restraint.

But then one day when he was thirteen he unforgivably broke the Strider code (for reasons that probably had nothing to do with an adolescent crush) by accidentally mentioning his time powers in a conversation with Jade. Thankfully, instead of calling the police on him from across the country, she had delightedly revealed that she had some 'special stuff!' that she could do, too.

 

He only believed her once he watched his copy of Game Bro disappear from the desk next to him, then reappear a few minutes later with 'what did i tell you!! :D' written in green marker on the cover.

 

So Jade was a freak too. He wasn't alone. And it turned out there were a lot more of them than anyone would have suspected, hiding in the woodwork. But it also turned out that if there was one thing kids with freaky superpowers were good at, it was finding each other. If Dave were that kind of guy, he might've even said that it almost seemed like they were all _fated to meet._ But he wasn't that kind of guy. So he didn't.

When Jade invited him to join the forum she had set up to house the whole freaky lot of them, Dave was above all shocked to find out that his estranged twin sister who lived halfway across the country was apparently among their ranks. When he thought about it more, though, he decided it made some sense. Maybe it ran in family.

(She claimed to be able to see visions of the future through her communion with the eldritch gods. He guessed that made sense, too. From what he remembered she had always been a bit of a grim one.)

 

During the stages in which Jade had first been setting up Skaianet, Dave had assumed that being able to finally talk with other kids who had superpowers would be pretty fucking "sicknasty", as his Bro would probably put it, and would help him come to understand his mysterious powers better. After all, he had accumulated a lot of questions about his abilities over the years, not to mention everyone else's.

But then of course it all turned out to be mostly hormonal teen horseshit.

Speaking of that.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: ADD ME BACK INTO THE CHAT.  
TG: nah  
CG: GODDAMN IT, THIS ISN’T A JOKE! IT’S IMPORTANT!  
TG: whats in it for me  
CG: STOP BEING A FUCKING COCKBITE AND USE YOUR ALMIGHTY MODERATOR POWERS TO REINSTATE ME AS A HUMBLE SKAIANET PROLE BEFORE I SHOVE MY HAND THROUGH YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN AND TIE YOUR WHOLE BODY INTO SOME KIND OF FUCKED UP BUT DELICIOUS PRETZEL.  
TG: i always knew your superpower was some bullshit like that  
TG: no wonder you never talk about it  
CG: HEY, FUCK YOU AND YOUR ASS THAT IS BOTH NOSY AND FLAT AND YOUR ASSUMPTION THAT I WOULD TELL YOU OF ALL PEOPLE ANY MORE THAN JACK SHIT ABOUT MY LIFE OR MY ABILITIES  
CG: WHICH ARE TOTALLY *BITCHIN* BY THE WAY.  
CG: NOT THAT I NEED TO PROVE THAT TO YOU!!!  
TG: how would you know if my ass is flat or not  
TG: weve literally never met  
CG: OH I CAN FUCKING TELL. BELIEVE ME.  
TG: youve poured a lot of thought into this one huh  
CG: REST ASSURED, NIGHT AND DAY I AM CONSUMED WITH PONDERING THE ACUTE ANGLES THAT MAKE UP YOUR HYPOTHETICAL BACKSIDE.  
CG: BUT GUESS WHAT?  
CG: YOUR ASS IS GOING TO BE NOTHING MORE THAN A PILE OF SMOULDERING ASHES IF YOU DON’T ADD ME BACK INTO THE GROUP THREAD IN LESS THAN THREE SECONDS.  
CG: BECAUSE I AM GOING TO *OBLITERATE IT*  
TG: well i was gonna say no but now it looks like youre speaking my language darlin  
TG: its enough to make a girl blush i tell ya  
TG: like i wont lie im into it but just be warned if my pops overhears a naughty solicitation like that you sure as hell wont be welcome at our good christian dinner table for sunday brunch  
CG: AND STOP FLIRTING WITH ME, I’M NOT INTERESTED.  
TG: what  
CG: I JUST GOT A WHOLE BUNCH OF THOSE BLANK MESSAGES TOO. AND GUESS WHAT. THEY LITERALLY WON'T STOP COMING!!!!  
CG: I THINK IF I TRY I CAN PROBABLY FIGURE OUT WHO’S SENDING THEM.  
TG: no i meant  
TG: wait  
TG: dont  
TG: dude dont run any of your codes ok if theres one thing weve established its that youre shit at coding on a level thats close to lethal  
CG: WOW, RUDE.  
TG: ill add you back into the group chat  
TG: just leave the investigating to the grownups ok junior and dont do anything drastic  
TG: like try your best  
CG: CONGRATULATIONS! EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU, YOU MANAGE TO MOVE UP WITHIN THE RANKS OF PEOPLE I HATE.  
CG: IS THAT YOUR SUPERPOWER BY ANY CHANCE?  
TG: its one of them for sure  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]

 

TG  unbanned  CG from responding to thread. 

CG: EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE. I’M GETTING SPOOKY BLANK ASSHOLE MESSAGES TOO.  
GC: YOU 4R3 SO L4T3 TO TH3 P4RTY DUD3  
GC: WH1L3 YOU W3R3 GON3 W3 3ST4BL1SH3D TH4T PR3TTY MUCH 3V3RYON3 H3R3 H4S GOTT3N ON3 BY NOW  
CG: OH  
GG: hmm… this is getting a bit worrying! ive been trying to look into it but…  
GG: hmmmmmmm…………  
TG: thats a lot of dots and ms is that a good sign  
GG: its a sign of i dont know :|  
GG: you see i managed to trace the IP address but…  
GG: I just dont see how this is possible!!!!  
GG sent the image [screenshot1342.jpg] to thread "weird shit roundup".  
TA: ok yeah that’2 totally not po22iible  
GA: What About It Is Strange I Dont Understand  
TA: diid you even open the liink??  
TA: that'2 not even an IIP addre22 iit'2 ju2t a whole bunch of fuckiing giibberii2h

 

There was a clunk outside Dave’s door, causing him to freeze in the middle of typing a slick comeback. He slowly turned his head, hoping against hope that whatever it was, at least it wasn't the one thing in the world he wanted to see the least.

But unfortunately, it _was_ Lil Cal.

 

It sat atop his turntables as if it had been there for quite some time, watching him with glassy blue eyes and a terrible malevolent grin. He had absolutely no doubt that there were at least three souls trapped inside of that thing. His Bro claimed to have picked it up at a yard sale some time before he had adopted baby Dave. He never mentioned that it most definitely must have been the yard sale of the devil himself.

"Hey little dude," Dave said, tentatively reaching out to give the awful marionette a sweaty fistbump. _Better to not make it angry._

He hoped this didn’t mean Bro was angling for a strife. That particular afternoon’s heat was killer. Dave figured the crows who had made their home in the antenna at the top of his apartment building were probably going to come back to find just a bunch of fried eggs all nestled up in there. So it was only sane that he really wasn’t in the mood to tussle, or do anything much other than lounge around in his darkened bedroom.

But Cal appearing in places around the house with a higher frequency than usual almost always meant that his Bro was getting itchy fingers, so he figured he had better start getting his sword arms ready. Just in case.

Before he could start doing that, he was suckered back into the conversation by a spatter of bright green text.

 

GG: honestly this isnt the only weird thing that has happened to me today…  
GG: do you guys remember me mentioning my penpal who lives on one of the islands nearby?  
CG: YOU MEAN THE ONE WHO TALKS LIKE A NINETEENTH CENTURY CARNIVAL BARKER IF THAT CARNIVAL BARKER WAS TRYING TO DRUM UP BUSINESS FOR HIS OWN IDIOCY?  
GG: thats the one!  
GG: his name is jake and hes a few years older than most of us but hes still very lovely  
GG: anyway it turns out that hes actually one of us too!  
CG: NO SHIT.  
GG: yes shit!!  
GG: i know because he flew all the way over to my house  
GG: without a plane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
TA: fliight huh.  
TA: ju2t great.  
TA: ii get 2tuck wiith 2uperpower2 that are just a jacked up ver2iion of touchiing 2omeone wiith an out2tretched poiinter fiinger after rubbiing your feet on a fuzzy rug for a biit  
TA: whiile thii2 diirtbag who talks liike an antiique that wa2 giiven a chance two be a real boy get2 two 2oar through the 2kiie2 liike peter fuckiing pan.  
adiosToreador [AT] responded to thread.  
AT: }:)  
AT: dID, sOMEONE SAY,  
arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to thread.  
AG: Nope!!!!!!!!  
AG: No8ody wants to hear a8out your dum8 fairyt8le o8session, loser! Especially not when we were just a8out to get to the interesting part of Jade’s story.  
TG: so  
TG: the hotpant wearing artful dodger can fly huh  
TG: small world  
GG: hehe yes the flying was pretty badass actually :)  
TT: Forgive me, but what exactly about this interaction was strange?  
GG: ?  
TT: Earlier, you said that this was the second weird thing to happen to you today.  
TT: The first being the blank messages, of course.  
GG: oh right!!  
GG: well you see  
GG: after i found out he was like us i tried to get him to join skaianet  
GG: but he said he wouldnt…  
GG: and THATS when he started saying all the weird stuff  
CG: PLEASE STOP BEATING AROUND THE METAPHORICAL BUSH HARLEY, SOME OF US HAVE LIVES OUTSIDE OF THIS CHATLOG.  
GC: L1K3 4NYON3 B3L13V3S TH4T  
GC: CH3RRY BOY >:]  
CG: SOMEBODY BAN HER FROM THE THREAD.  
CG: DAVE!!!!  
GG: nothing is getting beaten here flora or fauna!!  
GG: i am simply being an engaging storyteller :p  
GG: anyway like i was about to say before i was INTERRUPTED  
GG: he said he already had lots of friends his own age who are like us  
GC: !!!!!!!!!!  
GG: that was exactly my reaction too!!  
GG: so i said of course they could join skaianet too! the more the merrier right!!!  
GG: but he said that really wouldnt be necessary  
GG: because…  
GG: they were going to see us in person soon anyway  
TT: Hm.  
GC: WOW YOUR3 R1GHT TH4T 1S PR3TTY W31RD  
TT: Indeed.  
TT: You know, I wasn’t going to mention this, since my visions are vague and malleable at the best of times. But it looks like this particular piece of foresight might have a hitherto unsuspected amount of veracity within it.  
TT: Something big is supposed to happen today.  
TT: Something which I foresaw as a bright, glowing white. And then, also, oddly, and much less so, a shade of blue.  
TT: Almost like the shade of blue that a cursor might disperse upon being dragged across a blank page.  
TT: Well, in a way, I know that this event has actually already happened.  
TT: It's just that nobody has realised it yet.  
TT: Someone is about to, though. Very soon.  
TT: Sollux?  
TG: what the fuck

 

Dave was startled out of the chat by the sound of something very heavy hitting his window with a hollow clunk.

 

When he went over to investigate, pulling the cords to release strips of hot red light into his bedroom, he found that a large crow had flown straight into the glass and died instantly, dropping down into the busy street below. He watched its limp form disappear under the wheels of a semi.

The impact had left a crack in the middle of the pane, with a little spatter of dark blood. When he pushed the sash up, a few black feathers drifted down onto the sill.

Well.  
If that wasn’t a bad omen, then he wasn’t the best amateur rapper this side of Houston.

 

Suddenly, across on the other side of the room, the chat window started blowing up again.

 

TA: holy 2hiit you’re all iidiiot2.  
GC: >:?  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?? not even fuckiing one of you thought two try hiighliightiing the text?  
TT: In our collective defense, it’s generally unwise to go clicking around on any mysterious popups. The only thing that has proven good for is getting yourself more viruses.  
TA: ok.  
TA: ju2t  
TA: iit’2 not a popup, iit’2 a legiitiimate u2er who type2 iin whiite  
TA: ii don’t know how but they al2o managed two giive them2elve2 a blank u2ername  
TA: and  
TA: waiit 2hiit  
TT: What?  
TA: read the me22age.

 

Dave frowned at his screen. Everyone in the chat had suddenly stopped typing.

 

 _Well,_ he figured, _I guess I’ve got no choice but to do what the haxxor says._

Still slightly hesitant for some reason he couldn’t put his finger on, he opened up one of the many empty chatlogs, and let his mouse hover over the area where the text should be. Then, slowly, he clicked and dragged.

 

Greetings, Skaianet user.

Well, let’s not be so coy here. I know your name. It is Dave Strider.

No doubt you are surprised to be contacted out of the blue like this. Or, shall we say, out of the white. Heheh. Imagine that I let out a friendly fatherly chuckle at my own little joke just then, for the likelihood is, somewhere out there in the cosmos, I did. Rest assured, I have my own particular ways of collecting information, and in this instance, your information has miraculously fallen into the exact pair of hands in which it needed to be.  
I have heard that you are a particularly gifted youngster. Actually, I haven’t heard this. I know it. There are many things that I simply know. Let us not waste time on pondering the universal grapevine that allows me to know them, for I expect you are as eager for me to reach the crux of my message as I am to deliver it.

You are now sixteen, which means you are old enough to be eligible for entry into my school of especially gifted children. It is a highly elite and secretive organisation, spearheaded by a highly elite and secretive individual: yours truly. Though you may not know this yet, it is a great honour to be invited to join my school. In time you will understand this to its full extent; for now, take it at my assurance.

If you are, by some strange turn of events, uninterested in accepting my invitation, then you are free to close this window now, and return to your everyday life. But if you are willing to answer the call, then be ready to check your Skaianet inbox. Ten minutes after you finish reading this message, you will receive full instructions of your nearest pickup point for transportation to the campus. Be sure to be prompt! The school bus will be arriving exactly one week from now, and our esteemed institution doesn’t take kindly to stragglers.

There is no doubt that you will be received here at Doc Scratch’s School for Supernaturally Gifted Adolescents with a warm welcome and open arms. I am nothing if not an

Excellent Host.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [(Text transcript of Scratch's message for mobile users)](http://textuploader.com/d6pwm)


	2. Chapter 2

After arriving at the Greyhound bus terminal in New York and standing around for almost an hour with no sign of his biological twin, Dave started to feel understandably abandoned. So, like most people feeling abandoned, he pulled out his phone and started getting furious with his thumbs. 

 

turntechGodhead [TG]  began chatting with  tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: goddamn it rose first day of magic school and youve left me standing here like a bride at the fucking altar  
TG: brave smile for the cameras but tears in my eyes clutching a bouquet while auntie margaret is like don’t worry hell show eventually im sure  
TG: but we both know your commitment issues have taken you halfway across the world and the only thing im going to be sharing a bed with tonight is a big tub of ben and jerrys  
TT  is idle.  
TG: yeah thats right youd better run  
TG: fuck man i came halfway across the country for you with all my worldly possessions in a spotted handkerchief tied to the end of a stick like they do in the cartoons and still managed to arrive on time  
TG: you live super nearby too like you didnt have to crawl your way out of americas sweating asshole and yet here you are keeping me waiting  
TG: how about you psychoanalyze that you witch  
TG: i thought you had future powers how come you didnt tap into the mists of fortune and foresee that you were gonna be late  
TG: come on rose  
TG: where the hell are you

 

He pocketed his phone with a huff. Not that he had been expecting his little rant to achieve anything, but. Still.

Better just lean against this signpost. And look cool.

Yep. Still looking cool.

Man, New York City was noisy. And dirty. And completely devoid of any familiar faces.

 

 _Fuck it,_ he decided, and got his phone out again. _I guess I’ll quickly scan over whatever shit the Skaianet crew are chatting about. Earlier this morning one of Jade’s threads was going wild. Maybe that’ll give me enough reading material until Rose shows her sorry face._

 

gardenGnostic [GG]  opened thread titled "first day!!!" on board SKAIANET.

GG: so whos excited!!!!!!!!! :D  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to thread.  
CG: I JUST THREW MY GUTS UP, THANKS FOR ASKING.  
GG: oh noooo D:  
GG: are you nervous?  
CG: I’M FUCKING TRAVELSICK IS WHAT.   
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE?  
CG: TAKING A THREE HOUR FLIGHT TO CATCH A BUS.  
CG: IT’S THE WAY I’D CHOOSE TO START EVERY MORNING IF I COULD.  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to thread.  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1TS FUN!!!  
GC: 4ND K1NDA MYST3R1OUS  
GC: 4LL TH3S3 S3CR3T M33TUP POS1T1ONS  
GC: 4ND TH3 POSS1B1L1TY TH4T TH1S M1GHT 4LL JUST B3 TH3 M4CH1N4T1ONS OF A CR33P TRY1NG TO MURD3R US 1N 4 N33DL3SSLY CONVOLUT3D M4NN3R  
GC: >:]  
GG: yeah i feel the same!!  
GG: um…  
GG: i think? :o  
GG: and believe me my flight was even longer than that!  
GG: i do live in the middle of the pacific after all…  
CG: I’M SORRY MY SUFFERING ISN’T UP TO YOUR STANDARD! I’LL MAKE SURE TO ASK BEFORE I COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING NEXT TIME.  
CG: WHENEVER SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO ME IN THE FUTURE, I’LL JUST REMEMBER INTERNATIONAL PARAGON OF VIRTUE, JADE HARLEY, WHO DIED FOR OUR SINS BY TAKING A REALLY LONG PLANE RIDE, WAY LONGER THAN ANY PLANE RIDE I EVER TOOK  
CG: AND KEEP MY CONTEMPTIBLE FUCKING MAW SHUT!  
GG: oh for gods sake!!  
GC: WHY DONT YOU JUST GO B3 S1CK 4G41N  
CG: MAYBE I WILL!!!!

 

Dave realised that, despite skimming his eyes over the page, none of it was really registering.

Thankfully, before he resorted to subjecting himself to reading through that whole ensuing block of angry grey text, a message arrived from Rose. 

 

tentacleTherapist [TT] began chatting with  turntechGodhead [TG]

TT: It’s interesting that you chose to utilise a metaphor in which we are apparently getting married.  
TT: And not only that, but you appear to be the one taking the bride’s role in this purely hypothetical scenario?  
TT: A pettier person than me would have something to say about that, I’m sure.  
TG: is this really what youre choosing to prioritise right now????  
TT: Calm down.  
TT: I was held up by mother. I’m just arriving now. 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased chatting with  turntechGodhead [TG]

 

Just as Dave scanned over those messages, a familiar voice rose up above the others, calling his name. When he raised his head, Rose was slicing her way through the crowd as was her tendency. People just seemed to be pushed away from her. It was like she possessed a dark magnetic force which repelled anything in her path.

"Brother dearest." She stopped a few feet away, eyes scanning him up and down. Then she smiled, a thin thing with her black lips. "How long has it been since we last met in person? Two years, perhaps? You get taller every time I see you."

"Well yeah," Dave replied, bending to grab his backpack from the ground beside him. "That’s how growing works."

For a second, both of them hovered, as if contemplating hugging. But then Rose laughed lightly, and turned around. "Is it really? You’ll have to tell me more about it sometime. Not now though, we’re running late enough as it is." She looked back, and then frowned. "Did Bro not come to see you off?"

"Well, uh, no, actually." Dave awkwardly adjusted his sunglasses, careful not to look his sister in the eye. Her gaze had a way of piercing through whatever dark eyewear he wore. "He kind of. Doesn’t know that I came."

A pause. "You ran away?"

"Well, no. Uh. Not by the textbook definition."

"What do you think he’s going to do once he realises you’re gone? Won’t he call the police?"

"No, trust me, Rose," he sighed, walking faster to catch up with her. As usual, she looked pristine, in a long skirt with her pale hair tucked behind her ears. "He won’t do anything. He’ll know… well, I told him about this whole school thing. We had kind of a big fight about it and he said no, basically. But I think it was more of a challenge. Sort of like his way of saying yes. You know?"

 

Rose gave him that look that made his words shrivel up in his mouth. Not that he’d ever tell her that. "No, I don’t know. And frankly I don’t think I want to know. And if you’re about to say that this is a ‘Strider’ thing, then I advise you save it for someone who’ll be fooled by it. I just want to ask one thing, for the sake of my brother’s wellbeing." 

She looked at him hard, and he knew that he wouldn’t like what she was about to say. "Did he get physical? Was it that kind of fight?"

Dave laughed. "Man, it’s never not physical with Bro."

She shook her head, and he could tell that she was angry. "Well I, for one, am glad that you’re getting away from Texas for a while at least." Her gaze softened. "If I had known it would be like this, I wouldn’t have let them split us up. The home I was assigned to might be rife with mind games, but at least those never go beyond the mind."

"Oh, come on, it ain’t all bad. Just a bit nerve-wracking sometimes. Besides, I’ve only got two more years in that place before I can move out. And most of those two years are going to be spent in Doctor Scrape’s Asshole Academy."

"You’re being awfully flippant about this whole thing," Rose said, leading them into a cut-through. Somehow, even when they were walking in side alleys which had more rats than paving stones, she managed not to drag her skirt through any rotting garbage. "I thought you’d be more excited. This is the chance to hone your skills that you’ve been talking about wanting for so long."

"Yeah. I guess." Dave shrugged. "I’ll save my excitement for when I actually see the place."

"Yet another example of that prized Strider restraint shining through. I’ll be sure not to make the rookie error of mistaking it for emotional repression."

Dave ignored that comment. "I’m guessing we’re not actually in any danger, then. You wouldn’t be out here if we were. The eldritch gods would’ve warned you by showing you dreams of fire and blood through their grimdark whisperings or some shit."

"It’s funny you should bring that up, actually." Rose stopped to examine a street sign. "After I received Scratch’s message, my visions have been acting bizarrely. I can see pieces of the future scattered here and there, but it’s all…" She frowned. "…well, it’s all hidden in what I can only describe as a haze. A haze of bright green. Nuclear green, if I had to give the shade a name."

"Green?" Dave shrugged at her irritated look, not as disturbed by this information as she clearly thought he should be. "Whatever. Doesn’t sound like anything all that bad to me. Actually, it kind of sounds like the eldritch gods toned back their usual dark incantations of deep space vacuums and writhing tentadicks. Man, I’d take lime-flavored jello visions over corpse dreams any day."

"Phallic imagery aside, this is no laughing matter, Dave," Rose said, her serious face on. "Those green dreams are flavored with both delicious lime and bitter despair."

Dave sighed, avoiding eye contact with someone trying to sell him a copy of a magazine. "It’s too early in the morning for us to do this shit."

"It’s four pm."

"Yeah."

 

They walked in silence for a while, navigating the grid-like city with their suitcases dragging behind them.

Eventually, Dave realised that Rose had stopped walking. When he turned, she was stood in the middle of the sidewalk, peering around herself.

"This is the spot," she said.

"This?" Dave looked around himself. They were in the middle of a nondescript residential area. There were no vehicles in sight, aside from parked cars and abandoned bicycles. "No way. We’ve been got."

"Oh, calm down." Rose perched herself atop her suitcase. "We’re half an hour late after all. It's not unreasonable to assume that they took a trip around the block to look for us."

"Bullshit. When’re the assassins gonna jump out and steal our wallets?" He groaned. "Just my luck. I packed my sword at the bottom of my suitcase. There’s no way I’m going to be able to get it out before they throw me into a big bag and take off with me like a bunch of reverse Santas."

 

Meanwhile, Rose fished out her phone, which had a surprisingly cute case with a squiddle pattern on it. "Scratch gave me a number to call if anything went wrong. Now seems as good a time as any to try it."

"Wait, you actually talked to him?"

She looked up from scrolling through her contacts, an amused smile tugging on her lips. "Are you surprised by that? I thought it was only logical to respond to his message. He’s the one who started the conversation, after all."

"Well, yeah, but. I just assumed that was… I don’t know, an algorithm sending out that message or something? I mean, he was sending so many of them at once…"

"Well, he was instant in his replies when I tried chatting to him, and very courteous." Despite her smile, there was a slight flash of disgust in her eyes. "Maybe a little too courteous. Being lucky enough to be adopted, I’ve never experienced interactions with a creepy uncle who is just a tad too friendly, but I feel like I might understand the feeling now."

"Wait. Are you suggesting he tried to hit on – "

Rose held up one hand, bringing her phone up to her ear. "Hello? Yes, this is Rose Lalonde. Well it’s very nice to make your acquaintance, Mr ‘Fucking’ Slick – "

Grimacing, she held the phone at arm’s length. Even from where he was stood, Dave could hear the other person – a grizzled man, by the sound of it – shouting obscenities down the line.

"Yes, I’m sorry, we were held up. No, it was quite unavoidable. Yes we most certainly are irritating brats with bad timekeeping. Yes, yes." She listened for a bit longer, nodded agreeably some more, and eventually hung up.

Dave waited for an explanation, but none came. "So?"

"He’s on his way to get us. He’s not very happy about it, but he’s on his way nevertheless."

"Great." Dave paused. "So. When does he get here?"

"Why are you asking me?" Rose had extracted a ball of yarn and some needles from her satchel, and was unwinding a half-finished scarf.

"Well of the two of us you _are_ the one with future vision," Dave pointed out. "Or are you gonna tell me that you can’t foresee when this asshole will show up because the event is, fuck, I dunno, trapped in the very scary psychic equivalent of a sour apple slurpee?"

Rose laughed. "No, that’s not so much the problem. I just generally don’t tend to use my powers in situations where I have utterly no need to use them. But if you’re so impatient, I could give it a whirl."

She dropped her knitting into her lap and lifted her fingertips to her temples, making Dave roll his eyes. Now he could tell she was just fucking with him.

"It seems to me that our wait will be… not very long at all! In fact, it almost seems like," she paused dramatically. "He’s already here."

 

On cue, a bright yellow school bus came tearing around the corner. It raced past, wheels squealing, then stopped abruptly about a block down and did a swift U-turn and pulled up next to them. The doors hissed open.

Before either of them could say anything, a dark haired boy stumbled out and immediately vomited onto somebody’s mailbox.

"Nice to meet you too," said Dave.

"Oh, for chrissake." The driver, who was just as grizzled as he sounded over the phone, yanked on the parking brake and got out. Without a word of greeting to either Rose or Dave, he approached the boy who was emptying his stomach and put a rather untender hand on his shoulder. "There there, you blubbering goddamn pansy. I’m impressed you have anything left in you."

“…Well. I guess this must be our ride?” Dave looked over to see Rose already loading her suitcase onboard.

 

 

Not before sparing the vomiting kid a glance, he followed suit and stepped onto the bus.

"Dave! Rose!" Before they could even choose a seat, they were immediately swamped by an excited pair of siblings with buckteeth.

"Wow! You look nothing like I thought you would!" John pulled back from the very bony hug he had initiated, his hands on Dave’s shoulders. "I thought you were joking about wearing those sunglasses I sent you all the time but here you are, and here they are. Hahaha, oh man, did you wear them on the plane? You look like such a dork, it’s super cloudy out today!"

"Don’t go making fun of me, I’ve got sensitive eyes," Dave said, trying to put some space between them. Wow, this boy sure did not respect his coolkid bubble. As expected from John Egbert. "Not to mention a sensitive soul."

"John, let him breathe!" Jade hauled her brother away. "Hey, Dave!"

"Hey."

Just like in her photos, Jade looked like she had never heard of a hairbrush, which was unsurprising considering she had lived on a remote Pacific island her whole life. Her enormous glasses and big bright eyes gave her the look of an owl. It would be ridiculous, if Dave didn’t find it a bit cute.

He was probably over that though. A new school meant new girls. Magic girls.

_Nice._

 

Without any warning, Jade teleported his glasses off his face. They zapped into her outstretched hand. "Oh, your eyes are red!"

"Dude, what the hell." He made a grab from them, but she grinned and they reappeared comfortably on his nose. "Uncool. Come on. You ever heard of privacy, Harley?"

"Don’t go lecturing people about privacy now," Rose said, squeezing past him to select a seat. "Or need I remind you of the elaborate campaign of trickery you conducted in order to read my diary when we were eleven?"

"Man, couldn’t you at least wait until I’ve sat down before you go digging up childhood grudges?"

"Sorry, Dave, I should’ve asked first. I didn’t realise there was something wrong with your eyes!" Jade was still staring at him, her own bright green irises magnified by her glasses.

"Hey, come on. There’s nothing wrong with my peepers. They’re just red." Dave pushed his glasses up his nose self-consciously. "I wear the sunglasses mostly for ironic purposes. And for fashion. You know I love fashion."

"Now that I think about it, Rose has a really weird eye color, too. They’re like, purple." John leant over the back of the seat, buck-toothed grin at the ready, but Rose didn’t look up from her knitting. She just hummed in agreement.

"Yeah. Who knows. It’s not like we could ever ask our parents. Maybe we’ve got freaky mutant genes and we don’t even know it."

"Maybe your dad is Dracula," John said. That was enough to make Dave decide that the conversation was finished, and he gave the rest of the bus a quick once-over from behind his shades before choosing his seat.

 

Apart from their two childhood friends, there was a meager turnout of three other people on the bus. The list was pretty disappointing: a nervous-looking kid near the front, who was staring out the window in dismay at what must be his vomiting friend; a rather large boy with a pair of cracked sunglasses and a thin – no, make that thick – sheen of sweat over his body; and a blissed-out dude with a tangled cloud of hair laying across the very back seat. Dave took a closer look at him and concluded that he had probably been sniffing glue since the age of six.

Yeah. Dave chose a seat near the front, as far as possible from the sweaty boy.

 

Slick stepped back onto the bus. Only now, Dave noticed that one of his eyes was covered by a flesh-colored eyepatch. Underneath that, an old scar branched down into his cheek. "Can someone go and help that kid?"

The muscular boy stood up. "I will go. Perhaps this will be one instance where my strength will be… of _use_."

"Alright, great, whatever. Just hurry it up." Slick sat down in the driver’s seat. "The rest of you, buckle up. Because of the blonde runts, I’m gonna have to floor this thing if we want to get to the school anywhere near the vicinity of acceptably late."

"Um, there aren’t any. Seatbelts, I mean," the anxious boy said.

"Did fuckin I ask?"

 

As Slick started up the engine, the muscle-monster with the cracked glasses reappeared in the doorway, holding the dark-haired boy in his arms. Without breaking any more of a sweat than he already had, he walked down the aisle and then returned to his own (slightly damp) spot after laying the kid’s lifeless body across one of the front seats. 

"You alive?" Dave asked, since that seat happened to be in front of him. He only got a groan in response.

 

There was no time to see if he could translate that into English, because the bus doors cracked shut and suddenly they were moving off again. As they hurtled forward at twice the speed limit, Dave quickly understood why the kid wasn’t feeling up to conversation.

"Oh, by the way, Dave – "

Shit, Jade was talking again. She had popped up in the seat behind him. He could swear she sometimes teleported around, but she once told him that her powers weren’t strong enough to do that just yet.

" – this is Tavros. You know, adiosToreador from the forum? He can talk to animals! Isn’t that neat?"

She was indicating to the nervous boy across the aisle. As he usually did, Dave forced time to slow for a few seconds to get a good look at him. His dark Mohawk was a bit pathetic, flopping over into his eyes, and his teeth didn’t seem to fit properly in his mouth. He also had a ring through his nose, giving him the impression of a very unintimidating bull.

With the examination complete, he let time resume its normal flow and said, "Tavros. Got it. I’ll note the name down. And write underneath: don’t piss him off or he’ll sure as shit send a flock of crows to eat my liver."

The boy winced. "Well, I don’t, command them. That would be, cruel, I think. I just, uh. Commune."

Dave raised his eyebrows. "Oh, I get it. That’s real cute. Like a princess in one of those Disney cartoons from the fifties. Dancing with bears, running with the horses, all that good shit."

"Um, yeah, not really. I do spend, a lot of time with the animals, but. There’s no running, or dancing, on account of me not being able to run, or dance, on account of me not being able to, uh, walk, or have functioning legs." Too late, Dave noticed the wheelchair propped up on the seat in front of him.

"Oh." He slowed time again, fumbling in his mind, and eventually settled on, "Bet it’s real hard not getting Thumper and pals caught under the wheels of that thing, huh?"

_Fuck._

 

Luckily, the two of them were saved from what would probably be a few minutes of uncomfortable silence by vomit kid sitting up and shooting them the least menacing death glare possible. His eyes were still red and swollen from emptying the contents of his stomach onto the pavement, and he wore a sweater bigger than himself, which wasn’t saying much.

"Stupid me, here I was thinking if I ignored you long enough you might shut up," he began, in a voice that suggested he would absolutely be yelling if he were currently capable of it. "But then you decided to spit in my face by striking up the most pointless and frankly offensive rapport about, of all fucking things, paraplegics and Disney movies. Nice to meet you, and get fucked."

"Hey, good morning. I'm Dave." said Dave. "Boy, sleeping beauty got ugly."

"Ha ha, that’s clever. So clever I might just have to move to the other side of the bus and put my headphones in." He stood up, apparently intending to make good on this promise, but then Slick decided to take a street corner very sharply and he was sent flying into Tavros’ lap.

"SHIT, FUCK, SHIT. For God’s sake, which imbecile gave you a license and how can I disembowel them!?"

"Kid, I passed with a clean sheet." The bus screeched to a halt at a traffic light, almost hitting the bumper of the car in front. "Not my fault you weren’t wearing your seatbelt."

"Don’t worry, it didn’t, uh, hurt," Tavros was saying, gingerly removing the kid from his legs.

"Karkat, sit down!" Jade sounded slightly cross. "Or else you’ll be sick again, and nobody wants to deal with that."

 

The kid sulkily returned to the seat in front of Dave, folding his arms and looking pointedly out of the window. But Dave wasn’t going to let him get away that easily. This kid was the most entertaining thing to happen today so far, and it wasn’t like there was an in-flight movie to pass the time. And he definitely wasn’t going to go start up a conversation with the backseat’s Weed McGee, or the human Slip ‘N Slide, for that matter.

"Wait, Karkat? That’s seriously your name?" he said.

"Haha!" John laughed from the other end of the bus. "Beep beep, meow!"

Dave ignored that, which was a safe reaction for most of John’s comments. "Dude, where is your family _from?"_

Karkat glared at him. "Miami, dickweed. In case you didn’t notice, this is the American bus."

"Um, actually, that’s not, technically right, because. I’m from Brazil, so," Tavros squirmed under the glare he received.

"Okay, you know what? I didn’t think I would have to specify the American continent. But here I am. Specifying. The American continent. Now do we all feel better?"

"A bit, yeah…"

"Huh. But seriously though. What kind of a name is Karkat." Dave wasn’t letting this sensitive spot go unpoked. With a few more choice words, he was pretty sure he could get this guy to explode into a cloud of unfettered rage-gas. He had an entertaining face – it was expressive, and what it was expressing right now was many unique flavors of fury. Watching him exist was like a rollercoaster.

"Um, a good one? And also, how I about I submit this for your consideration – ” He flipped Dave the bird.

 

For some reason, that action sparked something in Dave’s head.

"Oh my god, it’s you," he said, things suddenly clicking. "The one with the grey text, who always shouts. Dude. I didn’t recognise you without the capslock."

Karkat’s face went red. "Fuck off, the key is stuck."

"Man, I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out. There’s no way our universe could’ve held _two_ dudes filled with fury as righteous as a fucking nuclear hate sun. I just didn’t expect…" he looked Karkat up and down, making sure to raise his eyebrows so they could be seen over his shades.

"What?" Predictably, Karkat took the bait.

"Well with all that shouting I was kind of imagining someone, you know, intimidating. Meanwhile you're over here all the size of an underweight Yorkshire Terrier, and I’d be willing to bet your bite isn’t even as bad and would only give me like half the amount of deadly diseases." 

Karkat looked like he was about to spontaneously combust. _Maybe if I..._

"You know, if you didn’t smell like vomit, I might just call you adorable. Like, enough that in the right light, I would maybe rescue your little self from a cardboard box in a back alley and take you to go get dewormed."

 

It worked. Karkat went off like a Catherine wheel, careering around the bus in a spray of spittle and vitriol. 

"Seriously, Strider!? You’re going to do this right here and right now!? You really think you’re so pants-pissingly funny!?" He stood up in his seat to get a better shouting angle, apparently no longer bothered by Slick’s hairpin turns. "I’ve had the worst fucking day, and I feel like crap, and I’ve got maybe a thimbleful of liquid left in my _apparently undersized_ body and guess what! You and your cringeworthy eyewear have just now volunteered to receive the brunt of my wrath! Congratu-fucking-lations, here we go, prepare the station for launch!"

His shouting was so loud that the stoned kid on the backseat woke up and looked around blearily with an expression like it was his first day on planet earth.

"Oh boy," Dave said. "Wait, could you pause a minute so I can go and make popcorn? Oh man, who am I kidding, I’ve got time powers, I can do that myself."

"Shut up! Shut up, and fuck you!" Incensed, Karkat leaned over and jabbed a finger in his face. "You’re a smug insufferable piece of garbage with a social complex the size of planet fucking Jupiter and frankly just FUCK. FUCKING. YOU. Fuck you, fuck everything you stand for, fuck you on your back, fuck you against the kitchen counter, fuck you in missionary, in cowgirl, _and_ doggy style. Fuck you, Strider, in every one of your bile-spewing orifices, until hopefully they swell shut and mercifully spare us from your nauseating phonic emissions!"

Dave’s eyebrows were raised for real now. Everyone else on the bus (all six of them) had stopped whatever polite conversations they might have been conducting and were staring. Except for Rose, who was continuing to knit at a steady pace. Her scarf was now a few feet long.

"What’s wrong, Dave? Nothing to say? Did I ‘burn’ you so hard that you decided to do the gracious thing and swallow your own rancid tongue?" Ok, Dave was a bit embarrassed for him at this point. This kid really didn’t know when to stop. For his own good.

Dave continued to stare at Rose, hard. He knew she could tell when he was looking, even with his shades on. It was a twin thing. Maybe.  
Or maybe it was just a Rose thing.

Eventually, she sighed and looked up, fingers going still. "What?"

He indicated to Karkat, who was breathing like he had just given his absolute all in the 100 metres. "Really, Rose? Nothing to say on that? I slip up and call our adoptive mom hot _once_ and you’re all on me like mould on a cafeteria hotdog, but Karkat here lets loose a Freudian waterfall of dicks and asses you’re all like nah he’s good?"

Keeping a carefully neutral expression, Rose looked between them, then said, "If you want to read into it, do so yourself, Dave. It’s not my place to comment on Karkat’s blatantly repressed homosexuality."

"Who the fuck said it was repressed?" Karkat snapped.

 

Slick yanked the brake and the bus stopped. All of them were thrown forwards in their seats, especially Karkat, who had been standing. He tumbled over into the footwell of the seat in front with a sound like a bag of damp ham hitting concrete.

 _Man,_ Dave thought, impressed despite himself. _This dude is just a walking pratfall._

“Um, where the hell are we?” John pointed out once they had all recovered, looking around himself. Dave took the chance to do the same, and realised, with sinking horror, that while they had all been distracted Slick had driven the bus into a narrow back alley. It was a dead end: in front of them was nothing but an abandoned billiards bar, which had a rusty shutter pulled down over the entrance.

"Oh no," Jade said, her eyes wide. Rose was on her feet, needles clutched in her hand like a weapon.

"See, what did I tell you, Rose?" Dave was on his feet, too, next to her. "Alley murder. Burlap sack. Reverse Santa. Oh man, I hate when I’m right. Wait, what am I saying, that’s my favorite thing."

 

Nonplussed, Slick turned around in his seat and barked a laugh. "Oh, for fuck’s sake. You kids are so quick to crap yourselves."

Unbothered by the distrusting stares on him, he got up and exited the bus. The group watched in tense silence as he extracted a bunch of keys from his pocket and laboriously tried each one before finally managing to unlock and roll up the corrugated iron shutter. 

 

Behind it, there was nothing less than an eternity of bright, glowing green. It was the color of a nuclear explosion.

 

The kid on the backseat sat up and spoke for the first time since Dave had entered the bus. The green light was reflecting on the glazed surface of his eyes. "Check it, brothas. Sour green. Moon Mist flavored motherfuckin miracles…"

 

Slick got back inside, started the bus up, and drove through.


	3. Chapter 3

New York disappeared, and they were somewhere else – a green void, floating weightlessly.

“Oh God, oh God,” Karkat was saying from the floor of the bus, where he had somehow ended up once more. “This is it! This is how it ends! It was a good life. Wait, no, it wasn’t, but it was mercifully short. Would’ve been nice to find love, but I can’t say I’m surprised I didn’t – even I wouldn’t put up with my nonstop – ”

“Cut that the fuck out,” Slick said, slowing the bus down. The green was starting to fade, and the hazy shapes of a landscape were forming within it. “You’re doing my head in.”

“Oh I’m sorry!” Karkat snapped, sitting up and not sounding sorry at all. “But here’s a humble suggestion: how about next time you _warn us before pulling some shit like that?”_

“If just going through a portal freaks you out enough to give you jellylegs, the next four years are gonna be rough sailing. Get back into your seat.”

 

As Karkat did just that, the green light dissolved and it became clear that they were now driving through empty, winding roads. No smog, no traffic, no pigeons, no skyscrapers. Dave may have been brought up in Houston, but even he was fairly sure that they weren’t anywhere near New York anymore. This place was grassy, and devoid of civilisation. Judging by the light, it was also late evening, and the sun was about to set.

Oddly, everyone’s phones went off at the same time.

“What?” Jade looked down at hers, confused. “Huh. There’s wi-fi out here?”

“Yeah. Scratch is an eccentric old bastard, but if there’s one good thing about him it would be his skills as a host,” Slick said. “The guy’s a class act. Always keeps that little dish in his office filled with liquorice scottie dogs.”

Dave checked his notifications, and found that a certain someone with a morbid username and a propensity towards using numbers where the Latin alphabet would’ve worked just fine had opened a new thread.

 

gallowsCalibrator [GC]  opened thread titled “L4T3COM3RS G3T CULL3D” on board  SKAIANET.

GC: H3Y  
GC: WH3R3 4R3 YOU GUYS H1D1NG YOUR B4D S3LV3S 4W4Y?????  
GC: 3V3RYON3 3LS3 H4S 4RR1V3D 4T TH3 SCHOOL 4ND W3R3 4LL JUST ST4ND1NG 4ROUND W41T1NG FOR YOU 31GHT L1K3 4 BUNCH OF CHUMPS  
GC: US OV3R H3R3 ON TH3 3UROP3 BUS W3R3 F1RST TO 4RR1V3  
GC: OF COURS3 >:]  
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO KNOW WH3N 1 C4N G3T TH1S M4G1C4L FRU1TY RUMPUS BUFF3T PROP3RLY ST4RT3D!!!  
gardenGnostic [GG] responded to thread.  
GG: were on our way! actually we just passed through some kind of weird gate and now it looks like were not even in new york anymore  
GG: the guy driving our bus said it was a portal or something :o  
GC: 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT TH3 N4STY CH4RTR3US3 PL4C3  
GC: TH3 ON3 TH4T T4ST3D OF 4BS1NTH3 4ND 4LSO K1ND4 P1CKL3 JU1C3?  
GC: TH4T M34NS YOUR3 CLOS3  
GG: oh boy!!!  
GG: i cant wait to finally see everyone else :)  
GC: WHY 4R3 YOU 4M3R1C4N K1DS SO L4T3 4NYW4Y  
GG: hmm well dave and rose didnt show up for a while  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to thread.  
TG: guilty as charged  
GC: 4S 3XP3CT3D FROM OUR R3S1D3NT COOLK1D  
GC: F4SH1ON4BLY L4T3  
TG: you know it  
TG: im like the cover of vogue over here  
GG: and were also making quite slow progress because we have to keep stopping the bus for karkat to be sick…  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to thread.  
CG: HOW ABOUT YOU WALK THREE SEATS FORWARD AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE?  
GG: well its true!  


 

Oh no. From the gap between their seats, Dave could see Karkat laboriously typing out an enormous diatribe in the entry field of his bricklike cellphone. It was taking a while because he kept going back to correct his spelling.

However, before he had the chance to read Karkat’s angry novella on his own screen, Dave was ejected from that tab as someone opened up a private conversation box.

 

gallowsCalibrator [GC]  began chatting with  turntechGodhead [TG]

GC: SUP D4V3  
TG: sup captain tealhaul  
GC: DONT T3LL M3 YOU DONT R3M3MB3R MY 4CTU4L N4M3  
GC: 4FT3R 3V3RYTH1NG W3V3 B33N THROUGH!  
GC: 1M WOUND3D 1N TH3 MOST F4T4L OF M4NN3RS  
GC: YOU CR1M1N4L >:[  
GC: ( >;] )  
TG: man sure i remember you youre little miss leetspeak  
TG: pwned any n00bs or ground on any sick rails recently  
GC: 1 4M N3V3R NOT GR1ND1NG ON R41LS  
GC: 4ND YOUD B3TT3R B3L13V3 S41D R41LS 4R3 N3V3R 1N P34K H34LTH  
TG: haha nice  
TG: better make sure you head down to the clinic after a hard days grinding or else you mind wind up with an untreated case of chronic fungal radness  
TG: latin name hellaceous sicknastium  
GC: 1TS T3R3Z1 BY TH3 W4Y  
GC: 1 DONT R3M3MB3R 1F 1T 3V3R C4M3 UP  
GC: 1MPORT4NT TH1NGS L1K3 TH4T T3ND TO G3T LOST 1N TH3 3XH4UST1NG T1D4L W4V3S OF B1CK3R1NG >:/  
TG: ok  
TG: am i supposed to pronounce all the ones and threes or are they silent  
GC: TH3YR3 S1L3NT  
TG: man how come even after all these years on the forum i only picked up one or two names but everyone seems to know mine  
GC: 1TS B3C4US3 YOUR M4NN3RS 4R3 L4CK1NG  
GC: 4ND 4LSO  
GC: YOUR3 D4V3 FUCK1NG STR1D3R  
GC: >;]  
TG: you know what  
TG: youre absolutely right  
GC: H3LL Y3S 1 4M  
GC: SO HURRY YOUR L1TTL3 B4N4N4 BUS ON OV3R H3R3 PRONTO  
GC: 1M LOOK1NG FORW4RD TO M33T1NG YOU 1N P3RSON  
GC: 4ND G3TT1NG 4 GOOD SM3LL OF YOU  
TG: whoa  
GC: NOT L1K3 TH4T  
GC: BUT M4YB3  
GC: 4LSO L1K3 TH4T?  
GC: >;]  
GC: YOU S33 MY WHOL3 TH1NG 1S K1ND OF D1FF1CULT TO P3RFORM W1TH 4 COMPUT3R SCR33N 1N TH3 W4Y  
GC: L1K3 R1GHT NOW TO M3 YOUR3 NOTH1NG MOR3 TH4N 4 COOL CHUNK OF STO1C T3XT  
GC: 4N 3NT1C1NG C4NDY R3D, Y3S  
GC: BUT 1MPOSS1BL3 TO R34D  
TG: what  
TG: its text  
TG: like words  
TG: you literally cant do anything but read it  
GC: D4V3 1 4M BL1ND 4ND TH4T 1S V3RY 1NS3NS1T1V3!!  
TG: sorry  
GC: 4ND 4LSO TH4T 1S NOT WH4T 1 M34NT  
GC: BUT DON’T SW34T 1T  
GC: YOULL S33  
GC: SOON  
GC: >;]  
TG: did you get dust in one of your eyes or is it just wink city all up in here  
TG: chill out before you break your semicolon key  
TG: that sucker never got so much use in all its miserable life  
GC: WH4T W1NKS  
GC: >;]  
TG: nevermind i mustve been imagining things  
GC: S33 YOU SOON COOLK1D  
GC: 4ND WH3N 1 DO  
GC: YOU B3TT3R B3L13V3 1M GONN4 BR34K 1NTO TH4T SU4V3 BLOND3 H34D 4ND SM3LL OUT 3V3RYTH1NG TH4T M4K3S YOU SW34T  
GC: 4ND NO 4MOUNT OF F4SH1ON4BL3 1RON1C 3Y3W34R W1LL B3 4BL3 TO K33P M3 FROM DO1NG 1T  
GC: >;]  


gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]

 

While Dave was busy trying to puzzle out how he felt about that conversation, the group chat had ground to a halt because Karkat had been unable to complete his manifesto concerning how his rebellious digestive system was totally not to blame for their lateness. This was due to the fact that he needed to be sick again.

“How many more times are you going to make me stop this bus!?” Slick yelled as Karkat disappeared out through the doors, one hand pressed firmly over his mouth. “Come on! At this rate, it’s going to be the day after graduation by the time we get there!”

 

The bus had jerked to a stop at the mouth of a wood. Looking around, the trees in this place definitely had something odd about them. They were too tall and too green.

A couple of minutes passed. Slick drummed his fingers on the wheel. Karkat didn’t reappear.

Slick turned in his seat, scanned over a bunch of faces which were suddenly avoiding eye contact, and settled on Dave. “Go after him.”

“Me?” Dave said, pointing to himself stupidly. “Why me?”

“Seems like you just made friends with the guy.”

“Is that what that sounded like to you?”

“There are cholerbears in those woods.”

“What the fuck is a… that?”

“There are also things bigger than cholerbears in those woods.” Slick turned away again. “Better find him fast.”

 

 

“Karkat?” Dave called out, picking his way through leaves. “You out there? Karkat? Beep beep meow?”

Luckily, it wasn’t hard to find him. Dave just had to follow the breadcrumb trail of coughing, and projected misery, and coughing.

The wood opened up into a clearing, and there he was. On the ground near a colorless lake.

“I hate to piss on your regurgitation parade but I just don’t think it’s possible for you to be sick anymore,” Dave said over the sound of him gagging. “Dog, I saw the holy flood you rained down on that poor suburban family’s mailbox. Your stomach would have to be an interdimensional pocket to hold anything more than what you’ve already gone ahead and emergency-evacuated.”

“Fuck off,” Karkat said hoarsely, hunched on his hands and knees.

 

Dave decided he would do the bro thing and give the guy a second to pull himself together. With practiced ease, he put his hands in his pockets and scanned the surrounding area.

Coming from Texas, Dave was no stranger to nature. But hell if this wasn’t a lot of nature at once. _Weird_ nature. Brightly colored fish were doing silent mechanical circles in the pond in front of them and the leaves didn’t rustle at all, mostly because there seemed to be no wind. He had never seen a place on Earth this… still.

Well, wherever they were, it definitely _wasn’t_ Earth. It had been impossible to tell from the bus, but now that much was obvious. Overhead, the sky was the weak pink of diluted blood, and on one side an enormous black planet loomed over them, flanked by two smaller fuchsia moons. The sun was a different one than he was used to – it was distant and weak and small.

A sudden swell of anxiety hit Dave. He tried hard not to show it.

Karkat, on the other hand;

“I can’t, I can’t do it. This is awful, this is freaky. Why is no one else freaking out? Fuck, where the hell even are we!? Where are they taking us? I’ve changed my mind, this was a big mistake. I just want to go home.”

Despite knowing it would’ve been easy to laugh at him for this freakout, Dave felt like he actually might have a point.

“Uh-huh.” That wasn’t really a reply. He just felt like he should say something.

He got a glare that he felt like he might deserve a bit. “Thanks for your stellar fucking input. I’m so glad they sent the best orator on the vehicle to convince me back into going through with this debacle.”

“Man, I’m not getting paid nearly enough to do _that_ shit. I’m just here to, I don’t know, hold your hair back for you, I guess? But your hair is too short for that, so. I’m basically just eye candy over here.”

“Shut up,” Karkat mumbled. He slumped back against a tree and glared out at the pond.

 

Right. Well, since he was unwilling to try and share a moment of peace and tranquility with a guy whose blood pressure was so high that he that must’ve burst every artery in his body, Dave decided it was time to get this show on the road.

“So. Is your little tantrum over? Ready to go back to the bus?”

Karkat looked around sulkily, refusing to meet his eyes. “My mouth tastes like ass.”

Heroically resisting the urge to make a joke, Dave dug around in his backpack, and, without no small amount of pain, handed over the last carton he had left.

It got a glare like it had killed Karkat’s pet hamster. “What the fuck is this piss?”

“Apple juice.” The glare didn’t subside, so he pushed it more insistently. “Go on, take it, it’s got vitamins and minerals and stuff. Maybe if you drink it you’ll finally be able to push five three.”

Karkat took the carton and used an overhand throw to deposit it into center of the lake. It only made a slight splash.

“Dude, what the hell.” Dave stared in dismay at the spot where it had sunk. “You’re the worst.”

He looked over to find Karkat was standing up, brushing dirt off his grotty black jeans.

“Let’s go I guess.” He grumbled. “Not like I have the option to turn back now anyway.”

 

 

Two awkward introductions, one and a half Karkat pit stops and three psychoanalysis sessions with Rose later, Slick interrupted the group’s excited squabbling over whether Dane Cook was a villain or a genius with a shout.

“Hey! Look sharp, all of you. Well, as sharp as you embarrassments can manage.” He eyed the stoned kid as he said this. “We’re here.”

 

Sure enough, over the darkening horizon, a house began to emerge. Well, maybe ‘mansion’ would be more accurate, since it sprawled across the unnaturally neat lawn both outwards and upwards. It spiked and twisted in ways a building scientifically shouldn’t be capable of doing, and was painted the shade of green usually reserved for Halloween decorations. The hedges lining the driveway were clipped into neat circles like cue balls.

 

Dave realised his mouth was hanging open and quickly shut it, hoping nobody had noticed.

“So.” Rose leaned over the seat in front with a shit-eating grin on her face. Of course she had noticed. “Are you excited _now?”_

 

They pulled into a stone courtyard in front of the main entrance, where fingers of ivy crept over a very intimidating set of wooden doors. The place was only lit up by a few wafting fireflies. Three buses were already parked, and there was a cluster of kids standing around, who watched them arrive with no small amount of interest.

“These must be our classmates!” John said, waving cheerfully. One kid, who had a disastrous haircut and 3D glasses and an overbite the size of Russia, half-heartedly gave him the finger.

As soon as they exited the bus, they were pounced on, some of them quite literally. (It looked like the sweaty kid had at least one friend, and it seemed fitting that she wore a kitty-ear ushanka and talked exclusively in roleplay format.)

Entertained enough just watching the various unions and reunions happening around them, Dave looked on as a very stylish girl stood at some distance, nervously trying to work up the momentum to come over and help Rose with her suitcase. Unfortunately, she was beaten to the punch by a German douchebag wearing a pair of tortoiseshell glasses.

“Can’t help but notice you’ve got a fine pair of elderich wands sittin atop your luggage there. It’s real interestin that someone who’s obviously as smart an’ sophisticated as you would fall for such basic charlatanry as believin in low-level kiddie stuff like object-based magics. Actually if you’re willin an’ able I could set aside some time later to explain to you the nuances of my powers an’ how they’re very much related to science and logic rather than any kind of BS like fate or fortune or anythin else near the realm of that fictional jazz, and, while we’re at it, an’ seein as we’re both newcomers in these parts, howabouts we try an’ stick together from here on out for safety an' companionship purposes?”

“Sorry to disappoint, but they’re completely pedestrian knitting needles. And, as for the solicitation, I’ll pass,” Rose said, taking her case back. “You see, I doubt you’d remember it, but this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to hit on me. Back in March of last year, I distinctly recall that you tried to initiate a private chat in which you claimed our similar text colors indicated a romantic compatibility bordering on astrological.”

“Ah. Well I guess that means I’ll have to go an’ pencil you in as just a ‘maybe’ – ”

 

Someone whacked Dave in the shins with a cane, and it took all of his self-control (and a little bit of his time-slowing powers) not to fall over. When he turned, the perpetrator was a girl with offensively orange hair and teeth like a shark.

“So you finally decided to show your face, coolkid! Well, the parts of it that aren’t hidden behind those shades, at least.”

Of course it was Terezi. Nobody else would be daring enough to wear that many brightly-colored hairclips. Or blind enough.

“Of course. Couldn’t miss out on seeing my best girl. Not that she can see me.”

Terezi cackled, affectionately hitting him in the shin with her dragon-topped cane a couple more times. To protect the feelings she probably didn’t have, he only let himself wince a little.

“I must say, Strider, your don’t-care dialect and patented ice-cold demeanor are even more tantalizing in person. But… what’s that?” She sniffed the air like an animal, getting uncomfortably close to him in the process. “Do I detect a hint of… _fear?”_

“Wait. Don’t tell me you’re one of those nosy saps who can read emotions.” He wanted to step back, out of the Terezi Splash Zone, but didn’t. “Hard luck. I don’t have many of those.”

“No, of course not.” She leant forward, revealing the milky eyes behind her bright red sunglasses. “Just minds.”

With a start, he became aware that there was suddenly someone in his brain along with him, rifling through cabinets and upturning drawers. They reached enthusiastically into the furthest recesses, pulling back handfuls of things that had been sitting there untouched for years, things that had never been meant to see the light of day –

 

Dave reeled backwards, using his powers to dart away from Terezi until they were separated by a safe distance. He knocked over the kittycat girl in the process.

When he looked down, he was holding his hands out like he had tried and failed to draw his sword.

“Don’t… don’t do that again,” he said, shaken.

The grin didn’t leave Terezi’s face. “Well, that was interesting.”

“Fuck. Warn me before you – before you’re gonna just – ”

Terezi looked puzzled. “But I did? When we last talked, remember?”

 _Well. Fuck. I guess she kind of did._ “Okay, scratch that. Just straight up don’t do it. Shit’s freaky as hell.”

“Heheh! Dave, I can’t really _control_ it. Sometimes I wish I could.” She sighed wistfully, leaning on her cane. “I’m always getting whispers from the world around me. My guardian used to call it the ‘sight’, and she said it was a blessing, _especially_ since I don’t have sight of the regular vanilla variety anymore! But I’ve never seen it as anything but a curse.”

She stared at him, hard, with her blank eyes, and the feeling started creeping over him again. “People’s minds are very noisy. It makes it hard to concentrate.”

“Well, sorry. But it was kind of you who broke down the door and made yourself comfortable on the couch of my mind-palace.” He tried to relax, putting his hands in his pockets again. “You were logged into my mind-Netflix account and guzzling down all my SunnyD before I could even say no thanks I’m not interested in changing religion.”

She cackled like a witch. “Oh, I wasn’t talking about _your_ mind! You’ve got those adorable time powers, so you tick a little faster than most people, and there was a dark, dusty spot in one corner, but other than that? Your mind-couch was _very_ comfortable.” A wink. “But I’ll let you in on a little something about _minds,_ Dave. See Vriska over there?”

The girl she indicated to had snake bite piercings and hair that was dip-dyed blue at the ends. At the current moment, she seemed to be terrorizing Tavros by rummaging through his backpack and throwing his Pokemon cards (which she branded a ‘laaaaaaaame game for loser babies’) all over the floor.

“This is my first time meeting her. Well, in person, anyway. We’ve been talking on Skaianet for years, and she used to be a part of my roleplay team even before that, but…” She shook her head, face twisting into a frown behind those tacky glasses. “Let’s just say she caused a whole load of drama that led to me going medically blind and Aradia getting her powers from a near-death experience and Tavros losing the use of his legs.”

“Wow.” Dave said. “Sounds like a whirlwind gal.”

“Yeah, she’s a real Spiderbitch Supreme. There’s no way you haven’t heard her bragging about how powerful her mind control is. Since you let me have a good sniff around in that pretty head of yours, I’ll tell you a secret of mine – ”

She indicated at him to come closer, and when he didn’t, she closed the gap herself and whispered:

“Don’t breathe a word to a soul, but… I’m scared to talk to her. If her powers were able to work even through a computer, just _think_ of what she can do at this kind of range. And now that I’m seeing her face to face… I think she might chew me up.” Then she licked his ear.

He recoiled. “Gross.”

“Kids with mental abilities, we’re really not so good for each other,” Terezi went on, smiling disconcertingly. “That’s why I like you, coolkid. Your mind isn’t complicated. It’s nice and blank and _cool._ Like a freshly-opened carton of strawberry ice cream just before some child with an insatiable craving for preservatives is about to dig a big ol’ spoon into it.”

Dave wiped saliva off his ear. “Hold up while I figure out if that was supposed to be an insult.”

“Not at all!” Terezi grinned and sidled closer, grabbing his arm. 

_Wait… is she trying to_ smell _me?_

 

“Sorry to interrupt this little smirk-and-wink fest over here, oh wait, I’m not!”

Someone launched themselves into the middle of Dave and Terezi’s conversation like an angry bullet in a sweater.

“Oh fuck it’s you again.”

“Nice to see you too, Strider! And good news! Looks like as well as being admired as an inspiration for shitsuckers worldwide, you’re also an emotional vulture!”

“A what?”

It truly was a mystery what Karkat had found to be ‘furious’ over now, but boy howdy he sure was. His dark eyebrows were drawn together and his lips were pulled back from his teeth in a sneer. Not to mention his voice was so loud it had already attracted the three of them quite a bit of attention.

 _Ah man, what’s he going on about this time?_ Dave tried to concentrate on what he was saying, but he was mostly just aware of the stares.

“You know, just because you’re deeply insecure and you feel the need to latch onto the first person who gives you the time of day doesn’t mean you have to muscle in on someone else’s romantic territory!”

 _Oh God,_ Dave thought. _Nope nope nope. Not going there. Not with him. Not now not ever._

“Territory!?” Terezi hissed.

“I hate to break it to you, but me and Terezi have kind of been a thing since long before you first stuck your sunglasses-wearing nose in – ”

“Karkat, you’re being so embarrassing – ”

“ – and even if you can’t get a grasp on that, which might be understandable, considering you possess all the IQ of a microwaveable burrito, then at least try and hold off for more than ten minutes before you go slobbering all over her – ”

Terezi let out a groan, looking pained. “Cut it OUT! Everyone is staring!”

And they were. But Karkat was undeterred. In fact, he seemed determined to dig this hole even deeper, like he wasn’t going to stop even if he hit mantle.

“Now if you wanted to draw up some kind of plan, like, I don’t know, a schedule of sorts, to allocate a specific and brief weekly slot for friendly Strider-Pyrope hangout sessions, _purely platonically_ of course, then I’m not saying I would be averse to that – ”

Terezi snapped. She threw her arms in the air and then flung her cane down on the ground. It looked like she was genuinely upset. “Oh my god, you’re _always_ like this! I’m leaving.”

 

She marched off, leaving Dave and Karkat awkwardly stood next to one another.

“Whoo, who switched to the telenovela channel?” Vriska yelled, a big nasty smile on her face. “Hold yourselves back, boys!”

“How about you focus on your own love life, Vriska!” Karkat yelled back. “Here’s some advice, free of charge: next time you get a crush on a guy, maybe don’t break his legs!”

 

 

Fortunately, just as Dave was contemplating flash-stepping the fuck out of there, a bigger distraction occurred. And it was also of the romantic triangle sort, but decidedly more deadly.

“Fuck you!” Sollux roared, electricity crackling out of his eye sockets.

“No, the only one who should be getting fucked here is _you_ ,” Eridan replied, holding a hand up and letting fire lick around his fingertips.

(After getting shrugged off by Rose, Eridan had gone off and managed to find someone to challenge to a duel. From what Dave would later gather, the flimsy excuse was that it was over a decently pretty girl called Feferi, who was, depending on who you talked to, _maybe_ a member of the Spanish royal family.)

“Oh my paws!” The cat girl yelped. Everyone was gathering in a protective huddle on the other side of the courtyard as the two squared up against each other. “Vrrrriskers, use your brain control doohickey and make them stop!”

“Are you kidding me? This is the best thing that’s happened all day!” Vriska grinned.

“Do you think if I used my windy thing, I would be able to break them up?” John said. “I feel like that might be a bad idea. I feel like it might start a big… fiery electricity storm or something.”

While they argued, the actual duel had escalated considerably. Tongues of fire and crackling branches of electricity were shooting like spears, meeting and clashing in a white blaze. The two of them seemed to be equally matched. Their combined powers were lighting up the darkness.

“Stand the fuck down or I’ll have to actually hurt you!”

“Right back atcha!”

The blaze got bigger, and bigger, and then…

 

 

“That is ENOUGH.”

The command was absolute, and it came from a devastatingly beautiful woman with an awful sneer. 

 

Light was spilling out from the main entrance and _she_ was stood silhouetted in the center of it, one hip cocked, shooting daggers at them all from underneath the brim of her enormous black hat. Everyone had frozen as soon as she had spoken. It was hard to say whether she possessed some magical abilities, or just a large amount of gravitas.

“Oh dear, oh dear!” Behind her was a tiny, round woman in a headscarf and matron’s dress. “This is really quite the pickle! It just simply won’t do to have our prized students fighting like this!”

The duelling pair had stopped. Only now, Dave noticed the front windows of the mansion, which were lit up and filled with curious figures, piling on top of one another to get a look at what was going on.

“All of you, get back to your study sessions!” The sharp woman shouted up at them, and they darted away from the windows, giggling. “And I don’t want to hear another _peep_ out of you troublemakers until we get the new students settled in.”

The tails of her coat flapped as she turned on her heel and stalked back inside.

From where he was leaning against the bus, Slick whistled. “And she wonders why they call her Snowman.”

“Oh, golly. Well, it’s nice to see that you young things have a lot of spirit, at least!” The other woman clasped her hands in front of her and smiled warmly at all of them. “Gosh, how rude of me! I’m Ms Paint, your housemother. Doc Scratch is very sorry that he couldn’t be here personally to greet you all, but I’m sure you understand – he is a wonderful headmaster, and that means he’s a very busy man! So _I’m_ the lucky one who gets to show you around our lovely establishment! Just fetch your bags and follow me on inside. We’ll have you feeling right at home in a jiffy!”

 

 

Half an hour later, they had toured around the four student wings, the ballroom, the billiard room, the lounge, the conservatory and atrium, and three different rose gardens. Dave, who had lived in an apartment containing no more than five rooms for his whole life, knew he would immediately forget the names and locations of every single one.

“Well, that’s pretty much the whole place! And just up those stairs, over there, is the headmaster’s office!” Ms Paint chirped. “Of course, this probably goes without saying, but you shouldn’t need to be bothering Mister Scratch very often! So I don’t imagine you’ll ever have to see the inside of his office.”

Skimming his gaze over at the ordinary-looking door, Dave’s attention was abruptly drawn to a lurking figure, hidden in the shadows of one of the upper stairwells. They had their hands in their pockets, and a shock of white-blonde hair.

Whoever it was, Ms Paint didn’t seem to notice them. “Now is a good time to get your bearings, because this place is usually bustling! We have a very lively group of pupils at the moment, and I’m sure you’ll all get on quite swimmingly! But right now, we’ve shut them up in their own common rooms, to give you newcomers a bit of space.”

Alarmed, Dave slid over to his sister, who was examining one of the tapestries depicting a diagram of a solar system on the foyer wall, and grabbed her arm. “Rose, _look.”_

She complied. “Well, I’m looking. Anything in particular you want me to look _at?”_

When he glanced back, of course the figure had now disappeared. “There was a guy there. Over by those stairs.”

“Oh?” Rose didn’t seem that interested. “And?”

“Ms Paint said all the older students were supposed to be locked in the common room.”

“Dave, must I remind you that this institution houses ‘Supernaturally Gifted Adolescents’? It’s hardly surprising that one may be able to circumvent a locked room puzzle.”

“Yeah, but.” Dave shifted, trying to recall the figure more closely. “Rose, trust me, it was weird. He kind of… Well, he looked like _me.”_

At this, Rose became considerably more interested, but it was too late to continue the conversation. Ms Paint had begun to read out the list of assigned roommates.

“Girls in the North Wing, boys in the East Wing – pick up your things from the bus, then go make yourselves nice and cosy! Aradia Megido, you’re with Rose Lalonde. Play nice! Jade Harley and Feferi Peixes, you’re together, so make sure to be good friends! Kanaya Maryam and Vriska Serket, now don’t you two lovely ladies fight – ”

 

Dave ended up getting predictably paired off with Egbert, and they both dumped all their stuff in their shared room after picking up their keys and being informed that dinner was at eight.

After unpacking a couple of his awful harlequin dolls and dumb oversized prank books, John collapsed face-down onto his bed while Dave stood beside the window, looking out into the night. Yeah, he wasn’t going to unpack until tomorrow. He couldn’t be bothered to extract all the ironic selfies and dead shit in jars he had crammed into his suitcase just yet.

 

Once dinner rolled around, the two of them headed down to the canteen, only getting lost in the winding stairwells once on the way. When they did find it, the place was really more of an elaborate dining hall, with a crystal chandelier and everything. _Damn. This guy wasn’t kidding when he said he was a great host._

Dave ate a better meal than he had for years. The rest was fairly uneventful; Ms Paint had assured them that the older kids had eaten earlier, meaning they had the place to themselves. The only hiccup occurred when Nepeta came through the doors with leaves in her hair, dragging along with her a deer that she had slaughtered. (“The Mighty Huntress Nepeta used her extra-strong animal senses to track down the furrocious beast in the woods two miles from here! We eat like kings tonight!”)

This, of course, caused Tavros to freak out, a matter that wasn’t helped when Feferi offered to revive it.

“It’ll become a member of the undead, of course, so that big old bleeding neck gash won’t go away, and also it’ll only be able to shamble around without soul or purpose, but at least it won’t be DEAD!” She said brightly, holding one pink-fingernailed hand over the creature. Dark energy started to radiate from her.

“Uh, that’s a really nice offer, Feferi, but on second thoughts I think we should, um, call this one, spilled milk, after all – ”

“Aw, c’mon! Don’t be a weenie! It’ll be FUN!”

 

“This is the weirdest dinner I’ve ever had,” Dave said. Him and Rose were sat together, away from the deer carcass. “And sometimes Bro would just serve me up a dissected smuppet on a plate.”

Once again, Rose wasn’t listening. When he followed her line of sight, he quickly discovered why.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Just go talk to her already.”

The fashionable girl was sitting with Karkat, listening to his rant about the injustices of subpar Italian food with saintlike patience. Though, by the looks of it, she was having to hold herself back from wiping some tomato sauce off his chin. The hand she had laid delicately atop her napkin was twitching.

She looked up, and saw the two of them looking.

Rose turned her attention back to her plate, pointedly breaking the eye contact. “It’s not a matter of whether or not I would like to talk to Kanaya, or even of whether she would like to talk to me. I’m fully confident of how we both feel on that front. It is, however, a matter of principle.”

Dave rolled his eyes. “You act like you haven’t been waging an elaborate form of online guerrilla flirt-war against her for almost two years now.”

“That was that, and this is this. We will talk to one another, in time. But these things _take_ time. I’ll forgive you for not noticing, but the two of us have been performing a nimble social dance of weaving and mirroring since first I stepped off the bus. One of us takes a step forward, and the other takes one back." She carefully arranged her knife and fork on her plate. "It would be gauche of me to recklessly sabotage what I’m sure is a deliberate series of moves by a very elegant chess master.”

“Are you sure that’s not just your paranoia talking? It looked to me like she was just nervous about approaching you.”

Rose looked amused. “Who’s the psychoanalyst now? I’ve taught you well, Dave.” Then she reconsidered. “Actually, maybe not, since you’re wrong. It _could_ well be that it’s just my imagination convincing me that Kanaya is entering into this game with the same feelings as me, but, then again… What’s that saying? The one about the number of people required to tango?”

“Rose. You’re my sister. I really don’t want to hear about your mating dances.”

Unfazed, Rose let out a laugh. “You always did say I was a flighty broad.”

“I do hate to interrupt what looks to be a heart-warming sibling conversation about the intricacies of avifaunal reproduction, but I was wondering if there was space for me to, well, cut in.”

 

They both looked up. Kanaya was now standing by their table, holding her tray and wearing an expression that was much less refined than the silk scarf that was effortlessly draped over one slender shoulder. She spoke with a pleasant British accent.

Kanaya went on, made nervous by their shared silence. “And this is not to say that I can’t tell that there is plenty of space in which to sit due to this being a big dining hall and us a small group. It’s just the space I was referring to is more, well, metaphorical than physical.”

Rose inclined her head at Karkat, who had angrily overturned someone’s bowl of soup and was now pounding one fist on the table to emphasise the important points of his speech. “Won’t your dinner companion miss you?”

“I expect not since he is currently occupied with telling Sollux about the many reasons that he possesses the leadership qualities required to become Head boy. I have tried to explain to him that as far as I’m aware this place has no such position, but he simply will not listen.”

Rose smiled. “Yes, Kanaya. Of course you can sit with us. It’s a crime that you even felt you had to ask.”

 

Kanaya set her tray down thankfully, and slid in next to Dave. Even though he had been sitting there longer, he immediately felt like the third wheel on an already-awkward bicycle.

Kanaya spoke again. “Truthfully, I have been trying to work up the nerve to approach you all morning.”

“Oh?” Rose tilted her head, ignoring Dave’s smirk.

“Yes. I’m sure it seems foolish to you, but I have always been a fan of your writing. I’ve followed your longest work since the very first chapter.” She allowed herself an uneasy smile, showing a pair of unusually sharp canines. “It made you very hard to approach.”

“You’ve been talking on Skaianet for two years,” Dave reminded her.

“Yes, well. Somehow it didn’t seem so real when we were all nothing more than a smorgasbord of bickering colored text,” Kanaya admitted. Then she indicated to Rose with a slight flush, adding, “And, forgive me for being so bold, but… I didn’t expect you to be so intimidatingly stylish.”

Rose looked startled, and maybe flattered. “…You read _Complacency of the Learned?_ You never mentioned that before."

Dave picked up his tray. “You know what? You two have fun talking about wizard slash. I’ve decided I have somewhere to be, and that somewhere is anywhere but the place where people are talking about wizard slash.”

 

 

From where he spent the rest of the meal, which was on the table with John and Jade, it looked like the two girls got along swimmingly. Rose’s copy of _The Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious_ was even extracted at one point.

His own dinner entertainment consisted of Jade teleporting the salt shaker around the table to show off her powers to Nepeta and Equius. It was all in good fun until Equius decided to show off his own powers, and did so by lifting the entire dinner table off the ground. As a result, dinner was over.

 

Afterwards, Terezi and Vriska tried to start a very competitive game of Texas hold ‘em that involved a lot of mind trickery and even more flagrant cheating in the girls’ common room. However, it was swiftly broken up by Droog, the suave but no-nonsense head of the North Wing, before any legs could get broken, and they were all sent to bed.

“Tired minds make for grumpy pupils!” Ms Paint assured them. “Get some rest, and we’ll get started bright and early tomorrow.”

Dave sat cross-legged on his bare mattress, face lit up by his laptop screen. He had automatically connected, with full signal, to a network called ‘EXCELLENT-HOST’. Over on the other bed, John had fallen asleep without even taking his clothes off.

 

_..._

Dave sighed, closing his laptop. It was useless. The boys’ wing was too quiet for him to relax. There was utterly no noise but the sound of John’s heavy breathing.

He threw his laptop onto the bed, put his shoes back on, stretched, and then concentrated. Gradually, John’s breathing slowed down until it had practically stopped. Dave checked his watch, just to be sure. The second hand was motionless.

He walked out of the room and straight past Deuce, the dim-witted little man who was supposed to be on night watch for the boys’ wing. He was frozen in place, but it looked like he had been napping on the job anyway. _Could’ve sneaked out without even using my powers. Oh well._

Careful to be silent, he climbed out of a downstairs window. He hadn’t figured out how to completely stop time yet – just slow it down by a lot – so he still couldn’t really risk moving anything around or making any noises. For some reason, in the back of his mind lurked the fear that wherever he was, Doc Scratch was watching him. He figured it must’ve been down to the guy’s stupid mysterious white text.

 

He let time return to normal once he was a safe distance from the main building, and went for a night-time stroll through the woods. Even though its seconds were flowing at the right speed, the place was still unnaturally quiet. The two pink moons hung like flat discs in the sky.

He froze at the sound of sniffling in the distance, and quickly flash-stepped behind a tree nearer the sound to investigate.

 

Karkat Vantas was sitting on a tree stump, wearing a pair of baggy pyjama bottoms and crying his eyes out. 

 

Before he could really process the sight, a sudden screech beside Dave startled him out of his mind. Luckily, due to his sneak-ninja upbringing, he managed not to make a sound – but the pulse of fear that went through him as he moved to draw his sword quickly melted into relief when he saw that the source of the noise was just a disgusting-looking bat.

Looked like Karkat had noticed something anyway. He had lifted his head from his hands and was now standing, bearing a frown. Tears were still dripping down his face. “Fuck. Who’s there?”

Like he was being guided by a traitorous laser pointer, he started to move straight towards Dave’s position. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

 

Dave flash-stepped away at super speed, not even bothering to be quiet this time. All Karkat saw was a sudden spray of leaves, and then stillness.

 

Dave's heart refused to slow down until he heard a set of footsteps come clunking up the stairs, and the door of the room beside him softly shut.


	4. Chapter 4

Dave didn’t realise he had fallen asleep until he was woken just before 8am by muffled yelling from the corridor.

“You’re so full of shit, there’s not a _single_ country in Europe where it’s acceptable to walk to the showers completely naked!”

“Sol, as a simple Russian, I wouldn’t expect _you_ ta understand delicate cultural nuances like – ”

“Russia’s _in_ Europe!”

“Only partially.”

“And _don’t_ call me Sol!”

 

Ms Paint knocked softly on the door.

“Rise and shine, boys! Breakfast is downstairs in half an hour.” A pause. “And if you’re going to shower, please at least wear a towel in the corridors!”

In the next bed, John started to stir, sitting up to grope around for his glasses. Groaning, Dave pulled the covers over himself, rolled over and went back to sleep.

 _Whatever,_ he thought. _I’ve done without breakfast for sixteen years now, I can handle another day._

 

He was woken up the second time by Egbert returning from the canteen, fully dressed in a pair of his dorky cargo shorts, and in a better mood than any person had a right to be. The morning sun was streaming, unwelcome, into the room.

A sudden unnatural gust of wind sent the covers flying off Dave’s bed, leaving him shivering in just his boxers and t-shirt. “Dave, get up, you lazy pile of garbage! We’ve got to be in the ballroom in ten minutes.”

“I’m up,” Dave lied, hauling himself upright. “Didn’t need the Egbert tornado.”

John snorted. “Nice bedhead.”

“Thanks.” Dave ruffled his hands over it, trying to get his birdlike hair to lay down flat. “As a great poet once said: I woke up like this.”

“You missed breakfast. Sollux blew up the toaster.”

“I wasn’t hungry anyway.” Dave started shucking on the same pair of jeans as yesterday. _Who’s gonna notice. Not like I switch up my wardrobe very often._ “So why do we have to go to the ballroom?”

“I think Ms Paint told us we’re supposed to be meeting our teachers today,” John said.

“Great. Introductions. Love that.” Dave paused in the middle of tying his shoe. “Boy I hope you remember where the ballroom is because I sure don’t.”

 

 

The two of them were ten minutes late, and everyone else was already in the ballroom by the time they burst through the double doors.

While the waiting cluster of students was just about to turn and stare, Dave flash-stepped across the room and settled himself comfortably in the middle of the crowd. Nobody even noticed he hadn’t been there to begin with, except for the cat girl who he ended up standing beside. She looked _very_ surprised.

John mouthed the word _‘traitor’_ at him from across the room, guiltily framed in the doorway.

“Egbert. How nice of you to join us,” Snowman said frostily, her cigarette holder dangling from her long fingers.

“Ah, John, come in, come in! Don’t worry, you’re not too late, we were only just about to start.” Ms Paint ushered him in. She then clambered up onto a ledge and faced the crowd.

“Okie dokie! Well, it’s time to introduce you to our staff.” She smiled, and then tried to make a serious, official expression, which was very difficult with her round motherly face. “Right. Here at Doc Scratch’s you’ll be attending two kinds of classes. The first are regular classes, just like the ones you probably attended at your previous schools. However, as of tomorrow, you’ll also be starting a new, exciting type of education!”

She clapped her little hands and then turned.

Against the back window, a neat row of individuals met the kids’ sudden gazes with varying amounts of friendliness. There were twelve figures, in total – all of them adults of differing ages.

“A select few of our teachers are also what could be called _magic users,_ or ‘Supernaturally Gifted Individuals’. You’ll be sorted into a class based on the type of ability you possess, and they’ll be coaching you on understanding and controlling your powers for the rest of the year!” With an excited smile, Ms Paint produced a list from her apron.

 

She began to rattle off names. Still examining the twelve adults, Dave leant over and muttered in Jade’s ear. “Is it just me, or do these cats look a bit… boring? I expected ‘Supernaturally Gifted’ people to wear bitchin robes and pointy hats like in Rose’s wizard slash.”

“I dunno Dave,” Jade whispered back, buckteeth on full display in the center of her excited grin. “What about that one who has _wings?_ And red streaks in his hair? And _horns???_ He looks pretty cool!”

“Yeah, but what about the lady next to him? She just looks like someone’s regular old hot grandma.”

“Shh!” Jade perked up. “Did you hear that? That _hot grandma_ is called the Dolorosa, and she’s my mentor!”

Dave was about to say something – probably along the lines of hastily retracting the ‘hot grandma’ statement – but then he heard his own name.

“And, finally, Dave Strider! Your teacher is the Handmaid.”

“The who?” He followed along the line of Ms Paint’s point, and saw that it led to a slender young woman wearing a cheongsam and a terrible unsettling stare. The tendrils of her hair that were not swept into a bun reached down to mid-thigh.

Just as he was looking at her, she was watching him very closely, and he suddenly got the feeling that she had probably been doing so since he had first flash-stepped into the room.

 

“Aren’t you going to greet her?” Rose said, materialising behind Dave in a way that definitely did not make him jump. “I know you weren’t listening, but Ms Paint said we should take the opportunity to acquaint ourselves with our new tutors.”

“She looks spooky. Don’t you think she looks spooky? Like some kind of spooky death demon.” Dave said, trying and failing to hide his nervousness. “I feel like in some cultures she might be the fifth horseman.”

People had started to move towards their assigned teachers, and excited chatter filled the room. Among those who seemed especially thrilled were Vriska, whose mentor was a woman dressed like a lingerie pirate, and John, who had gotten the dude with the red-streaked hair and enormous wings.

“She seems harmless enough to me,” Rose said. “Though I can’t say I don’t share your feelings of apprehension. My own tutor is someone called the 'Grand Highblood’, who apparently specialises in dreams, visions and whispers. But, fear of the unknown achieves nothing. What are we here for if not to learn?” She clapped Dave on the shoulder. “I’m going to go introduce myself. I suggest you also face your own ‘Spooky Death Demon’.”

And she was gone.

 

 _Right._ Dave steeled himself, then approached. All the other mentors had met their new charges halfway, but the Handmaid had stayed firmly in her original position, sat on the ledge of the enormous ballroom window with her legs crossed. She was silhouetted against whatever unknown grey sea crashed against the cliffs below the school.

“Hey.” Dave stood in front of her. She narrowed her eyes at him. Her displeased mouth was painted bright red.

He squirmed when she didn’t give any acknowledgement towards the fact that he had spoken. _Should I try again?_ “So. Uh. I do the timey thing, you do the timey thing. Right?”

She nodded, then turned away. He waited a few more seconds.

“… Is that all I’m gonna get?”

Seeming a little disgruntled by his continued attempts at conversation, she looked at him again and raised her eyebrows.

“Okay, cool. That’s fine. You know, they sometimes say communication is key, but, yeah, you know what, fuck that, this is the 21st century, who even needs keys anymore? We got, like, electronic cards for all that business. Ain’t nobody need to talk anymore in this the era of fast food and contactless payments. I feel it.”

The Handmaid tilted her head. It occurred to him that, perhaps, she didn’t understand him.

_Goddamn it, Scratch. Way to screw me over._

“Well, it was nice talking with you. I’d like to say I have somewhere to go, but I don’t think you care either way.”

Although everyone else still seemed to be deep in conversation with their new teachers, Dave gave the woman a brief salute and then backed away from her. True to his prediction, she didn’t seem particularly bothered. She turned and looked out the window.

 

“Dave!” This time Jade was the one to appear out of nowhere. However, she was a very welcome distraction. “What’s your mentor like?”

“Can’t say I’ve had much of a chance to find out. She either doesn’t speak much English or just really doesn’t like me.”

“Oh no!” Jade said, pressing a hand to her cheek. “Well, wait ‘til you’ve had a lesson with her. Maybe she’s, you know – ” She did an evocative one-two punch, grinning. “ – a woman of ACTION!”

“Let’s hope so.”

“The Dolorosa is super sweet!” Jade went on. “She’s the school nurse, and also has powerful telekinesis. With her help, maybe I’ll finally be able to figure out how to teleport people as well as objects! Oh, and I’m sharing her with Kanaya! You know, the girl who has a crush on Rose?”

“Yeah.” Dave quickly scanned the room. Over beneath an elaborate oil painting _(Cool decorating, Scratch),_ Kanaya was deep in conversation with the elegant elder woman.

 

Taking the chance to survey the whole room, Dave couldn’t help but notice a particularly animated student-teacher group over in the far corner. He whistled.

“Whoa, Jade. Check it out.”

An unfortunate Karkat seemed to be on the receiving end of a very patient lecture, coming from a large, broad man of about forty. His thick curls had probably once been as dark as Karkat’s own, but were now peppered with grey. He wagged one finger as he spoke. Karkat looked somewhat awestruck.

“I think Ms Paint said he’s the Signless,” Jade offered. “It’s weird, though – I wonder why they go by titles? Is it for secrecy? That doesn’t seem to make much sense.”

But Dave was concerned with another matter. “We’ve all been assigned teachers with similar powers to ours, right? That’s the point of this whole mentor thing, right?” He squinted at the well-built man, looking for potential strangenesses. “What do you think his power is?”

Jade joined Dave in observing the pair, and then something seemed to occur to her. “Oh! Are you trying to sneakily figure out Karkat’s ability?”

“Yeah.” Dave glanced at her. “I’m guessing that means you don’t know it either?”

“Nope! He refused to tell me.”

“How come you added him to the forum, then? Actually, how do we even know he has any powers at all?”

Jade racked her brain. “Hmm. You know, I think it was Gamzee who told me I should let him into Skaianet in the first place.”

“Gamzee?”

Jade nodded towards the stoned kid with the juggalo face paint.

“Of course. Don’t know who else it could’ve been with a name like that.” He watched Gamzee absently grin at the wall for a second, and then something occurred to him. “Wait, what can _that_ creep do, then?”

“Honestly I’m not sure of the extent of Gamzee’s powers! I think it was something to do with dreams.” Jade grimaced. “He appeared in one of mine and told me that he could deliver visions of the future…”

“Oh, great. Another crystal ball gazer. As if Rose wasn’t enough.”

In fact, it looked like those two had been assigned the same teacher, and that was an enormous and terrifying beast of a man with mad red eyes and a mass of untamed hair. That must be the ‘Grand Highblood’. For all her big talk, Rose was looking less than pleased.

Jade tilted her head. “Hm, not really! I don’t think his powers work quite like Rose’s. You see, from what I could gather… he can see the hundreds upon thousands of _potential_ futures that branch out ahead of us, springing from each individual decision.” She shuddered. “Or, at least, that’s what I _think_ he was trying to say. He’s not that easy to talk to… very religious. I just don’t know _which_ religion he belongs to. Something about a mirthful messiah?”

“Huh.” Dave looked at Gamzee. “Sounds like a tough power to have to live with. No wonder he keeps himself more doped up than a kid after dental surgery.”

“Yeah. But as for Karkat, I have no idea. Gamzee just said I should add him, so I did.” Jade perked up. “Hey, maybe we should go over there and ask!”

“Are you kidding me? Not unless you want to get a twelve-page dissertation on why Privacy Is Super Important And My Powers Are None Of Your Fucking Business Strider.”

“I’m not saying we should ask Karkat, you doofus,” Jade grabbed his arm. “But we could try asking that other kid who’s in his class! Actually – ” She stopped, frowning. “Huh, that’s weird. Who is that guy? I don’t recognise him from dinner yesterday.”

Jade was right. The Signless’s other student had a mop of messy hair not unlike Karkat’s, and wore a bright red turtleneck. As of this turn of the conversation, he also seemed to have captured his fellow student in a very heated but onesided debate.

 

As they inched closer, they heard a little of the debate’s content.

“ – so, you see, Karkat, although I hate to police your tone, you must understand that your constant rejection of the concept of an ‘inside voice’ can be very unpleasant for individuals with noise-related trauma, tinnitus, or overly sensitive eardrums. I understand and recognise that you may well have volume control issues resulting from your own personal unfortunate home circumstances, but to wilfully ignore opportunities to better yourself is, you will learn, an act of unrepentant selfishness. If you’d like, and I’m sure you would, I could direct you towards some further reading on this subject, which I’ll be sure to peruse and annotate myself – ”

“Hey!” Jade called, breaking the guy off mid-stream. He seemed annoyed at the interruption. Karkat, on the other hand, seemed the exact opposite. He looked like his birthday had come early. He immediately left to go talk to Kanaya.

 

The boy didn’t notice this. “Sorry, Karkat, it looks like my attention is required elsewhere. I’ll leave you in the capable hands of our shared mentor while I attend to whatever business this young pair has with me.” He waited expectantly, arms folded.

“Uh, we just wanted to introduce ourselves, since we didn’t recognise you,” Jade said, after a moment of silence. “I’m Jade, and this is Dave.”

The boy looked between them. “Ah, I see. Kankri, and I’m charmed, I’m sure. However it’s totally reasonable that you don’t recognise me, because, actually, I’m your upperclassman. Technically, I’m not supposed to be here, since this is an allocation session reserved solely for the newcomers, but I thought it best for all parties involved that I get my foot in early when it comes to getting to know the fresh protégé I intend to be taking under my wing for the duration of his education.”

Dave and Jade were silent again.

 _Man,_ Dave thought with uncharacteristic feeling. _Poor Karkat._

Kankri nodded benevolently. “I see that you’re confused. That’s understandable. I’ll take a second to detail the delicately unoppressive power structure within the education system that allows me to adopt Karkat as my student, while I, too, am myself am a student to the Signless, placing Karkat in the position of a sort of secondary sub-student – ”

“No, that’s alright!” Jade said quickly. “To be honest, we were really just curious about what your powers were.”

Kankri looked between them again, then raised his eyebrows. “Oh, now I feel that I properly understand what is going on here. My young counterpart has already filled me in – using some rather gratuitously coarse language, might I add – on the personal reasons that inform his hesitance to make the nature of his abilities public, and you are trying to circumvent his delicately-constructed social blockades by simply asking me about my own abilities?”

“Uh,” Jade said sheepishly. “Well, when you put it like that…”

“Surely this is the coward’s way of gathering information; I commend your curiosity nonetheless. It is probable that Karkat will find it impossible to hide his powers forever, but for now I will respect his wishes and decline to answer your question as to the nature of our shared abilities. One of the things you will learn, in time, is that privacy is paramount, though difficult to achieve in a schooling institution as small and close-knit as Doc Scratch’s. My own personal theory on the matter is that – ”

 

He was too caught up in his own pontification to notice the two of them had already shuffled away.

“Uh, wow.” Jade said once he was out of earshot.

“Fuck.” Dave agreed. “He’s… wordy in a different direction to Karkat.”

 

 

A pair of clapped hands broke the chatter. Snowman stood up, commandeering all attention. “Well, that’s all. You kids have your first Ability Mentoring session with your assigned teacher first period tomorrow. Look forward to it.”

Sixteen different ringtones went off at once.

“That’ll be your phones, downloading a new app which will display your timetables and campus maps. I trust you’ll all be able to find your way around the place.” She looked icily at John as she said this. “If not, don’t be afraid to catch an upper-year student in the hallway and ask them. There are only thirty-two of you in this school in total, so I’m sure you’ll be getting to know one another _uncomfortably_ closely as the year wears on.”

“We’re like one big family!” Ms Paint chimed in.

“And I shouldn’t have to remind you that you should continue to pay attention to your regular lessons as well as the more exciting ones.” Now Snowman glared at them all in turn. “Just because you can lift _two_ heavy boxes with your mind instead of just _one_ doesn’t mean you can let your algebra grade slip below a C. And, believe me, you wouldn’t want to disappoint this place’s esteemed _headmaster_.”

Somewhere in the school, a bell rung. The vice principal replaced her hat back on her head. “He’s a reasonable man. But everyone has their limits.”

 

According to Dave’s newly-installed ‘Scratch’ app, his next period was Biology. He instantly regretted his childhood promise to be Egbert’s lab partner if the two of them ever shared a science class.

“He’s part _fairy bull,_ isn’t that crazy, it means he can actually use those wings to fly! But obviously since fairy bulls have slightly different anatomy, his wings can’t really lift him off the ground – so they sort of work more like a hang glider! And even though his main power is flight, which is why he’s my teacher, _obviously,_ he can also sense animals, ‘cause he’s part animal himself – ”

“That’s fine and dandy, John, but if I have to hear one more word about how _gee-whiz great_ your middle-aged mancrush is then I might just have to fake a fainting attack to get myself sent to the nurse’s office.” 

Dave re-capped his pen after drawing an elaborate dick on the sleeve of his otherwise pristine white lab coat. Whoever the teacher of this class was – the ‘Disciple’, according to his timetable – they hadn’t showed up yet.

John puffed his cheeks up. “He’s not my mancrush! And how can you not think it’s awesome that the Summoner is _part fairy bull?_ You didn’t even know fairy bulls existed until I told you just now!”

Dave rocked back on his stool. “So. Did his mom fuck one, or his dad?”

John looked horrified. “I… What…” He looked down at his hands. “I didn’t even think of...”

 

Someone screamed in horror.

Everyone turned to the back window to see a tiny Asian woman perched on her haunches, smile displaying a set of worryingly sharp teeth.

“Hello class!” She jumped off the sill. On her back was a burlap sack many times the size of her, which she had to squeeze to get through the window. It seemed to be dripping a mysterious purple liquid.

It wasn’t left mysterious for long, though, as she dumped it open on the countertop. Out tumbled the fresh carcass of what Dave could only call a giant sea-goat.

“Welcome to Biology!” The Disciple said. “First one to find its liver gets an A!”

 

Ten minutes later, Lab 2 looked like a slaughterhouse.

Surprisingly, the first person to step up to the dissection plate was Kanaya, who selected a chainsaw (“A meowsly scalpel isn’t going to cut through sea-goat skin! I had to use my extra-long claws just to take this one down!”) and went to town. Although she ended up spattered head to foot in purple gore, somehow her hair still looked great.

Watching this transpire, Rose sported a pair of raised eyebrows and a smirk. “Well. One point to her.”

“Gross,” Dave muttered. He wasn’t bothered by dead things, but he also didn’t fancy rooting around in that thing’s cadaver like he was a contestant on a Nickelodeon game show, so he was standing well away from it – easy A or not. His bucktoothed lab partner had quietly exited the room and not returned.

Rose looked over, then snorted. “I’m sorry, Dave, I can’t take you seriously normally, but I especially can’t take you seriously when you look like that.”

Dave rolled his eyes at her. After a brief argument with the Disciple, he had ended up begrudgingly wearing a pair of plastic goggles over his sunglasses. He was pretending he didn’t care how silly it looked.

 

A glove-wearing Feferi was cheerfully assisting Kanaya by pushing aside yards of intestine when the back door clicked open.

“Sorry I’m late, I got trapped in the corridor by that awful shit-spouting motor mouth agai – ” Karkat stopped abruptly and made a noise like he had been socked in the gut. He was frozen, his eyes fixed on Kanaya and her blood-covered chainsaw. The color slowly leeched from his face.

“Ah, Karkat, sorry to hear that you got caught up with Kankri, but just nab yourself a coat and goggles and – oh – oh dear!” The Disciple frowned as Karkat crumpled to the floor like someone had cut his strings. “Pawsh darn it! There’s always a squeamish one. Could someone be a darling and take him to the medical bay?”

“I will do it,” Kanaya said, setting her chainsaw down on the table.

The Disciple looked her up and down. The girl looked like she had jumped feet-first into a vat of grape jelly. “That’s fine, Kanaya, but please wash your hands first!”

“Ah, no need to worry. I will use my powers to carry him. But I will also wash my hands just for cleanliness’s sake.”

“Interesting.” Rose murmured to herself, watching Kanaya telekinetically lift Karkat’s limp body out the door after stripping off her sullied lab coat.

“Put your tongue back in your mouth, Lalonde,” Dave said.

Over on the other side of the room, Feferi cheered as she held aloft something wet and about the size of a large terrier.

“That’s an A for you, Miss Peixes!”

Dave put his face in his hands, causing his safety goggles to fall off the end of his nose. “Oh, for god’s sake. How am I ever going to be able to eat again after this.”

 

 

Not so easily, it turned out.

“ – Did you see how unhesitating she was? I had mistakenly pegged her as the pernickety type, but her precision with a chainsaw is truly admirable. You can see her background as an apprentice seamstress shining through. Did you know that about her, Dave? She worked under the head of her care home to help make clothes for the other children. Actually, yesterday, during our conversation at dinner, it came out that she, like us, has no knowledge of her parentage.”

Dave pushed a bunch of potatoes queasily about on his plate. The lunch hall was noisy and crowded, sunlight streaming in through the large windows. Outside, Deuce was perched on a ladder, clipping the hydrangeas with a pair of oversized shears. “Rose, would you shut up about her? It’s been _Maryam this, Maryam that_ all morning. Remind me why I’m even sitting with you again.”

From across the table, Rose frowned at him. “Because you have no other options, remember? The only two other friends you possess in this world are grazing greener pastures. In fact, it was an act of condescension on _my_ part to sit with _you.”_

She was right. Jade was off being effortlessly friendly with another group, and John had been sitting with him to begin with, but then had gotten quickly snatched away by Vriska. She had appeared beside their table with her hands proudly on her skinny hips and said, “Hey John! How would you like to help me and Meenah here with a _super-secret mission?_ I’ve heard that your windy thing packs quite the punch!”

All John had been able to say was, “Yeah, it’s a blast”, complete with his dorky laugh, before he had been spirited away.

 

“Whatever,” Dave muttered. “Not my fault the Harleyberts are balls of sunshine that feel the need to personally befriend everything that has a pulse. The traitors.”

In an act of exasperation, Rose put her fork down. “Why are you in such an awful mood? Is it because you’re worried about Karkat?”

“What?” Dave was startled. That had come totally out of left field. “Why would that be a thing?”

“You’ve been watching him all lunch.”

Still pale from his stint in the nurse’s office, said boy was sitting at the head of the table beside theirs with a large group of people, spouting what was probably complete nonsense. Dave couldn’t tell, because he couldn’t hear over the din of the cafeteria, but he would still put money on it. 

And Terezi was there. Despite their spat the day earlier, the two of them still seemed to be getting along fairly well.

 

Dave couldn’t tell Rose the truth about why he had been hyper-aware of Karkat all day, which was that he was still thinking about when he had seen him last night. The guy certainly looked alright now, in the light of day, but Dave couldn’t shake the image of him sitting alone in the woods.

_Why was he crying?_

“Despite everything, he’s almost always surrounded by people,” Rose said, oblivious to Dave’s thoughts. They both watched as Karkat snatched someone's napkin and started drawing up a chart, ostensibly to prove whatever his point was, while Sollux tried to stop him.

“Can’t understand why,” Dave muttered. “The guy’s a chore to listen to.”

Even as he said this, he knew it was unfair. In reality, it was probably his own fault for making a bad first impression on the bus by provoking him. Now the guy seemed to think they were fated enemies or something. In all the lessons they shared, he kept shooting Dave some subtle glares and less subtle middle fingers.

 

Suddenly, Dave’s attention shifted from Karkat towards a familiar head of white hair in the corner of the room.

 _"Rose!”_ he hissed. “Look! It’s him again!”

“Him?” Rose turned her head, thankfully being discreet about it.

“The guy I saw yesterday on the stairs.”

There he was. Sitting next to Equius, of all people. Now that he was in a better light, Dave could tell that there were a few differences between him and his doppelganger. This guy’s pale hair was longer and gelled up into a perfect spiky updo, and although he also wore shades, his were triangular. But everything else…

 

Whoever he was, he had also noticed Dave, and was staring back. It was hard to tell, due to his pointy anime glasses, but he seemed just as freaked out by Dave’s presence as Dave was by his.

Rose narrowed her eyes. He could see the cogs in her brain working. 

When she finally spoke, it sounded like one of her suspicions had just been confirmed. “I see what you mean. He does look… frighteningly similar. Hm.”

“What?”

Busy scanning the room intently, Rose didn’t answer. It looked like she was surveying the other students’ faces.

“Who are you looking for? Kanaya?”

“No, not Kanaya.”

“Did I hear my name?”

“Oh, ok, whoa,” Dave pressed his hand over his heart. Bemused, Kanaya stood beside him holding a bowl of granola. “Do you just appear whenever someone says ‘Versace’ three times standing in front of a bathroom mirror?”

Kanaya blinked. “What?”

“Kanaya, hello,” Rose said, resting her chin on her hand. “You clean up nicely.”

“…What?”

“I said, you’ve cleaned up nicely. Not a trace of that blood you had all over you before.”

Dave rolled his eyes.

“Oh, yes, well. The Dolorosa wouldn’t let me into the health bay until I had fully disinfected myself. Apparently sea-goat blood has some potent disease-carrying capabilities.”

“She seems lovely. The Dolorosa, that is.”

“Ah, yes. She has rather a motherly presence. It’s quite nice considering I’ve never had a mother myself. And we share the same capabilities… you know. Matter manipulation.”

Rose leaned further on her hand, smile widening. “Fascinating. Telekinesis. I never would've guessed it of you. So, would it be right to say that you’re a very _physical_ person?”

With horror, Dave noticed that Kanaya was sporting a blush as she set her tray down beside him.

“Aw hell no,” he said. “Is this just gonna be our lunch crew from now on? Because if it is, I’m gonna have to go find myself a partner for this grim double date.”

“Ignore Dave,” Rose suggested, as if she didn’t do that most of the time. “He’s just wasting away from worry over Karkat’s wellbeing.”

_“Rose – ”_

“Karkat?” Kanaya smoothed down her silk skirt, looking thoughtful. “He’s feeling better now. He assured me that his fainting fit was a one-off thing, but I still ensured that he ate a chocolate bar to bring his blood sugar levels back up before I let him go wandering around.”

Dave sighed. “How can someone as chill as you stand being around him?”

After considering this for a moment, Kanaya gave an unnecessarily serious answer. “Despite his crabby exterior I’ve found him to be a very genuine person. Though his emotions may be quite perplexing at times, he is at least open with them. It’s quite refreshing.”

“Glad _someone_ can see the good in him,” Dave snorted. On the other side of the room, some movement captured his attention. He stood up, quickly. “Ah, sorry, girls. Gotta dash.”

“Where are you going? Our next lesson isn’t for another half an hour.”

“I’m off to Nancy Drew some shit. You broads have fun on your lunch date. Catch you later.” He saluted, and then flash-stepped out the door, leaving them to deal with his still-full tray.

 

“Equius! Yo, Equius! Uh, that is your name, right?”

The muscular boy turned around, halfway down the corridor. He looked surprised to see Dave jogging after him. _Damn, dude moves fast. Must be those meaty gams._

“…What can I do for you?”

Dave slowed to a stop. “Buddy. Hey. What’s up.”

Equius still looked suspicious. His jaw was constantly gritted so tight it was surprising that he hadn’t broken any molars yet.

“Why am I being approached out of the blue like this?” he asked, tense.

Dave sighed. “Okay. Look, I noticed you were sitting next to a pretty interesting guy just now. I was wondering if you could tell me his name.”

“Oh. That was Dirk. Strider, I believe.”

Upon hearing that, Dave felt like he had been struck by lightning. “…Strider?”

“Yes. I can’t say I know him well. He only approached me because he was interested in my musculature. I even shamefully allowed him to touch my left bicep. He said he’s a fan of… what was the lewd phrase he used? _Smokin’ hot guns._ " The guy’s sweat production seemed to increase slightly. “Is that why you’re approaching me, too? In pursuit of ‘copping a feel’? A reprehensible act, but… perhaps… if you ordered me…”

“No thanks,” Dave said. “I’ve, uh. Got some things to think about. Thanks for your help. Or… not. Bye.”

“Wait!” Equius called after him. “Was I too forward?”

Dave was already gone.

“Fiddlesticks.”

 

 

The rest of the day passed by quickly. The Signless's lecture about being kind to one another lasted the whole Sociology lesson. Gamzee spilled a load of sulphuric acid on himself during Chemistry, but he didn’t seem to care, and neither did their equally doped-up Chemistry teacher. After class, Dave took a walk around the grounds but couldn’t find any sign of civilisation for miles; just woods in one direction and that weird grey sea in the other. The common room in the evening devolved into an argument over which Nic Cage movie to watch that got so loud Droog was sent to break it up.

Before Dave knew it, he was back in his room with John, who was telling the story of how Vriska's ' _super-secret mission_ ' had turned out to just be sneaking into Eridan’s room to steal his lame 'science wands'.

“Anyway, it totally _blew_ in the end. Basically we forgot that Eridan’s roommate is Equius, and he wasn’t in there but one of his weird creepy robots was. Do you remember how he would always send pictures of them on the group chat?”

“How could I forget.” Dave leaned back, trying to throw popcorn into his mouth and missing. “Aradia went ballistic because he used her facial features without her permission. Actually, that was pretty stalkerish, now that I think about it.”

“He _definitely_ kisses that thing when no-one’s looking,” John said seriously. “I always thought he was just bullshitting about being able to build real actual robots, but holy shit that thing is no joke. Long story short, it went into defense mode and beat our asses. Even Vriska’s.” He shook his head sagely. “You can’t mind control a robot.”

“No sir.” Dave rolled over, thumbing through his game journalism magazine without actually reading it. From the looks of things, he was going to have to ration the few pieces of reading material he had bothered to throw into his suitcase. It wasn’t like there were any convenience stores nearby to buy new ones once he ran out.

Or any kind of store, really. Or houses. Or people.

“Hey, John.” He sat up, his magazine falling off the bed, unnoticed. “…Don’t you think this is all kind of. Weird?”

“Hm?” John was checking his phone. “What do you mean?”

“I mean this whole shebang. Something about it just… doesn’t it just seem, I don’t know, suspicious somehow?”

John laughed. “You sound like Rose! Conspiracy theory this, ominous tidings that.”

“Man, you know that’s the most hurtful shit you could’ve said, right?”

“But seriously! I guess it _is_ weird that we’re all together at last, and especially in such an unbelievable situation. But it’s only day two! We’ll get used to it, I’m sure.”

“I don’t know, man.” Dave flopped back on the bed, frustrated. From where he was lying, he could see that John had a chatlog open with arachnidsGrip. “Like, for starters, where even _are_ we? There’s two moons and some big fuckoff planet the size of Jupiter just hanging there in the sky and nobody even seems to be bothered by it! I tried asking Ms Paint about it but she wouldn’t give me a straight answer. Said to ask Scratch himself. And, actually, it’s been a full day now and we haven’t seen ass nor tit of this Doc Scratch guy.”

“Chill out, Dave. The guy runs a magic school! He’s probably just eccentric. Or busy. Or both!” John said. Although his back was to him, Dave could practically feel his best friend fondly rolling his eyes behind his glasses.

“But – I mean, come on, don’t tell me you don’t find it at least a little – ”

 

The door recoiled on its hinges as someone shoved it open.

“Hey nerds! Stop whatever you’re doing, because the party has arrived!”

“Vriska!” John looked up, squinting against the light. “Wow. I know you said you were coming to see me, but I didn’t expect it you to be here so fast.”

“Winners don’t drag their feet, John! That’s one of the many things you’ll have to learn.” She grinned, marching into the room. “Luckily you’ve got the best teacher in the game to help you!”

“It’s near midnight,” Dave said, squinting. He had quickly slipped his glasses back on when Vriska had entered. “Ain’t you supposed to be in your own dorm?”

Vriska rolled her eyes. “Oh, _please._ The head of East Wing is _Deuce,_ for crying out loud. It’d be harder to sneak past a blindfolded Tavros.” She tapped her head. “And, are you forgetting? I’ve got mind control powers. I just convinced him he desperately needed to take a little half-hour nap. He was more than open to the idea, believe me!”

“Hey Dave,” Terezi said from the doorway. Nobody had noticed her until she spoke, but she there she was, watching the whole thing with a smile, leaning on her cane.

“Oh. Hey.”

“Anyway, John! Since our mission earlier today didn’t quite go to plan, I sat back and used my amaaaaaaaazing brain to think of some other fun crap we could pull – and good news! I’ve got a new idea, way better than that lame ‘picking on Eridan’ plan. Although we’ve definitely still got to pick on him sometime, the guy deserves it.” She strutted over to their window and threw it open, looking out across the courtyard at a little building below. “New, better, improved plan ahoy! That’s the prefects’ office in the gable over there, and I’m _dying_ to get in. Who knows what kind of sweet loot they keep in there! All you need to do, John, is get us onto the balcony – I can bring the lockpicking _and_ the dashing good looks for both of us.”

John tilted his head. “That does sound fun, but, uh, it’s kind of late, Vriska. Maybe tomorrow?”

 

Judging by the way Vriska bristled, this didn’t seem to be the right answer. She reached up and flipped away the black patch that covered her left eye under her glasses, revealing an eyeball littered with eight pupils.

John’s face went slack.

“Vriska.” Terezi said sharply. Vriska jolted, and then angrily looked down at the ground. John’s face went back to normal, albeit more confused.

“What just…” He looked around.

“With all those _‘no’_ s and _‘uh’_ s and _‘that sounds dangerous, Vriska’_ s, you sounded a little like Tavros there, John,” Vriska said in a clipped voice. She had covered her eye up again. “It’s only _midnight._ You’re sixteen! Life isn’t all cakes and gushers and stern fatherly disapproval. Live a little!”

“Hm.” John looked up, worrying his lip with his front teeth. “I guess you’re kinda right! It’s not really a big deal either way. Ok, whatever, let’s do it.” He stood up. “Well, see you later, Dave! You’re a good wife, but you don’t have to stay up waiting for me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetcheeks.” Dave said.

 

“Wait, Vriska,” John said once the two of them were perched on the windowsill, ready to set off. “I just thought of something. I can’t really control the wind well enough to let _two_ people fly yet!”

“Oh, would you look at that!” Vriska flipped her hair over one shoulder and grinned. “Looks like you’ll have to carry me.”

 

 

In the next room over, Karkat had settled himself down for the night, and was more than ready to decompress from what had been a very stressful day made worse by one blathering upperclassman, one long and embarrassing feelings jam with Terezi, and one fainting fit. All in all, a shit day. But Sollux was out, pulling one of his legendary FPS tournaments with Eridan that was most likely going to last into the early hours, so at least Karkat had the room to himself.

However, unsurprisingly, it seemed his one happiness in life wasn’t going to be allowed.

“Oh, what the hell is that?” Karkat growled. Through the neighboring wall, he could hear the sound of music thumping away. To add insult to injury, it was astonishingly crappy – all record scratches, boring drumbeats and bleeping synths.

He plugged his headphones in and turned the volume up after clamping them over his ears, but he could still hear the music underneath the characters’ dialogue. _Goddamn it, this is ruining the most emotional scene in the whole fucking movie!_

 

_Bang bang bang._

“Strider, if you don’t open up, I swear I’ll – ”

Dave opened the door, causing the music to get exponentially louder and Karkat exponentially madder. “Howdy, neighbor.”

“Howdy your-fucking-self! What the hell kind of noise do you think you’re making at _one ante meridiem?”_

There was a pause. “Phat beats.”

“Oh really? Because it just sounds like a whole crock of talentless white boy horseshit to me!” Karkat snapped. “Or wait, don’t tell me – that’s just my faulty ears, too crude and uncultured to recognise your Mozart-level prowess? Well I _wouldn’t fucking know,_ would I, since my aural cavities are currently ruptured and bleeding from being forced to listen to your two hundred decibel _garbage music!”_

“Everyone’s a critic,” Dave said, emotionless behind his glasses.

The beat was still pounding away in the background. Only now, upon noticing that Dave was still wearing the outfit that he’d worn all day ( _yesterday’s jeans, stupid fake-vintage t-shirt with a record on it, sneakers, sunglasses sans sun_ ), did Karkat realise that he’d walked into this confrontation in his pyjama pants and a baggy stained hoodie from Joe’s Crab Shack.

He started to feel like a bit of an idiot. But, like usual, that just made him angrier. “Goddamn it, would you just turn it off? I’ve got shit to do and I can’t even hear myself think.”

“What kind of important business are you tending to at one in the morning?” Dave said, leaning against the doorframe. Then he raised his pale eyebrows. “…Wait. Hold up. Were you jacking off?”

_“What?”_

Too late. Dave had already used those powers of his to flash-step past him, peering in through the slightly-open door to Karkat’s room.

“Hey! Fuck off right back over here!”

Dave was staring through the door, his laughing expression revealed in profile. Karkat hated it. “ _That’s_ your important business? You’re watching romcoms? In a _pillow pile?”_

He kept staring into Karkat’s shameful nest, and didn’t seem bothered even when Karkat marched over and pointedly slammed the door shut, stranding them both in the corridor. “Dude. _Maid in Manhattan_ isn’t even a _good_ romcom.”

“Go on, mock me, Strider,” Karkat growled. “Tell me I’m _embarrassing_ and _lame,_ and that my interests somehow don’t align with my masculinity, whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean – as if any human being with a pulse could deny that Ralph Fiennes is a force of nature – go on! I don’t care, I’ve heard it all before, and from more intimidating opponents than you. If watching _Maid in Manhattan_ on a Tuesday night is the only thing that’s going to be able to bring me joy, you’d better believe I’m not going to deny myself that solitary pleasure, _especially_ not when I’m stuck in an unfamiliar place and unfortunate enough to be forced to room next to the turd-baby of every shitty Soundcloud rapper who ever convinced themselves they were anything more than painfully mediocre!”

“You were watching romcoms because you’re homesick?” Dave said, missing the point fantastically. “That’s adorable.”

 

The shouting had drawn some attention. Opposite, a door opened, and Tavros’ sleep-mussed Mohawk popped out. “Uh, guys, could you keep your arguing to, like, working hours…”

“Sorry about that, Dr. Dolittle,” Dave said, leaning against Karkat’s door as if he hadn’t just been seriously violating some privacy moments before. “But hey, ironically, this whole smackdown started because Karkat over here couldn’t handle the volume of my raucous beats. And yet here he is, the loudest beat of all. It’s practically Shakespearean.”

“I’ll show _you_ a fucking smackdown, Strider,” Karkat said, balling his fists.

“Wait, we’re not actually going to scrap, are we?” Dave said. “I didn’t bring my mouthguard.”

He actually looked a bit worried for a second. Karkat felt a flash of satisfaction at that. He may have been a head shorter, but he had a hell of a lot more heft on him than old Beanpole Strider.

Another door opened down the hall, and Eridan’s head poked out, complete with gaming headset. “Somebody fightin?”

“Wait, Dave. You rap?” Tavros said, miserably failing to read the mood. He had a big dopey smile on his face as he rolled himself out into the corridor, revealing his set of matching Peter Pan pyjamas. Karkat wanted to cry. “Oh, dude, that’s. So cool. We should get together sometime and, like. Spit straight fire on the mic.”

“Tavros, Tavros, Tavros,” Dave said. “How come you didn’t tell me you’re a fellow rap god sooner? Would’ve been nice to know that I was boutta get schooled by Snoop Dogg’s acolyte himself.”

“Well I’m more into, uh, well, it’s like, slam poetry – ”

“Hell yeah man, even better. Let’s slam down sometime.” Dave paused. “Wait. Not like that – ”

Karkat snapped. “I’m gonna slam both of you motherfuckers, and then slam my own head in a fucking door, if anyone says any other dumb shit in the next five seconds – and if somebody doesn’t _turn that fucking music off – ”_

 

Suddenly the music stopped. The door clicked behind them, and Terezi poked her head out of the dark interior Dave’s room. “I’m sorry, _what_ is going on out here?”

Instantly, Karkat felt a thousand things at once. Fury. Betrayal. More fury.

Hurt.

He sputtered, incapable of getting the vehement soliloquy that was brewing in him out of his mouth. Most people were now out of their rooms, watching it all go down. “Terezi, you - you - That is disgusting, that is so inappropriate – I – I hope – in the room right next to me, too! And – God, how the hell are you even in the boys’ wing anyway!?”

“Dude,” Terezi said. “It’s _Deuce.”_

“Wait, no, no,” Dave said, defensively holding his hands up. “Karkat, what are you even implying? I was just playing Terezi some of my music, ain’t nobody ever got pregnant from sitting down and chilling to some ill tunes. Although, if any tunes had the ability to impregnate, they would be mine.”

“Oh, you can’t _seriously_ think that crap you were playing was any _good.”_

“What? Oh hell no.” Bewilderingly, out of all the things Karkat had said in the last ten minutes, this was the one that seemed to successfully hurt Dave’s feelings. “Is your superpower having no dang taste? My sound might not be _stellar,_ sure, but it’s getting there – ”

 _“This is not the issue here!_ Terezi! Room! Yours!” Karkat slammed his fist on the wall for emphasis, making everyone jump. “And don’t give me that ‘beats’ bullcrap, nobody fucking believes it! Oh yeah, _sure,_ I believe that you were just totally innocently listening to some conveniently loud rhythmic music at _ten past one in the morning,_ that’s not suspicious _at all_ –"

“Bro, it’s one hundred percent none of your business who does and doesn’t enter the Strider-Egbert abode,” Dave snapped, actually frowning now. “You’re not my dad, and even if you were it sure as hell wouldn’t be your business to micromanage who can and cannot get their mack on." He threw a hand up, then said something that made Karkat's heart feel like it had snapped in two. "She didn’t choose you. Get over it.”

“I KNOW!” Karkat shouted, and it was so loud that his voice cracked. “I _know_ that, you think I don’t know!? You think I’m doing this because it’s how I get my twisted fucking rocks off? It’s Terezi’s decision, and if she doesn’t want me, then fine! In fact, it’s understandable, _commendable_ even, since I don’t want me either!” He marched over to Dave, who immediately tensed up, and shoved a finger in his chest. “But there is _no fucking way_ am I going to sit back while she blindly macks on the only guy in existence who’s a bigger asshole than me!”

Dave was still and silent for a few seconds, and Karkat was more than ready for him to throw the first punch. But then a smirk stole over his face. “Dude. Nice pun.”

Karkat faltered. “What?”

“Y’know. Blind.”

At that, Karkat felt his anger bubble over in a hot wave. The snickers from onlookers didn’t help at all. He grabbed a fistful of Dave’s shirt. _“Would it kill you to fucking take this seriously!?”_

 

“Stop it!” Terezi got between them, pushing them both away with force that was surprising for someone so bony. She pointed her cane at Karkat, blank white eyes narrowed and furious. Dave didn’t have time to wonder how she knew exactly where he was.

“Karkat, this is exactly the problem with you!" She snapped. "Talking about me like I’m not even here! You never even listen to what I’m actually saying – you’re always so caught up in your own imagination that it’s like I’m not here right in front of you! You like the _idea_ of being with me more than you ever liked actually being with me, and – I’ve just had enough of it! Let’s face it, we were never actually a thing, which is probably just as well, since dating you would be basically _impossible._ You can’t make up your mind, and you’re jealous and insecure, and you – urgh!” She clutched her head. “I’m just _done_ with playing babysitter to your childish crap.”

Uncomfortable silence.

“Are you finished? Is it over?” Karkat had his arms folded, the muscles in his jaw set. “Any other parting blows? Any more twists to the knife?”

“Oh, for God’s sake, Karkat! I liked you! I liked you a lot! But you _really_ don’t do yourself any favours!”

It was too late. Karkat was turning away, opening the door to his room. “No, that’s it. I'm done. You're right, you're totally right, and I don't even want to hear it, I’m just done for the night. Thanks everybody! Don't worry, I’ve rightfully received my daily humiliation, but the show’s over, everyone go back to bed and dream sweetly knowing that you could never be as much of a failure as I am, no encores – ”

Terezi stepped forward. The anger was sliding off her face. “Karkat – ”

He didn’t turn around to look at her. There were tears threatening in his eyes. “Just. Go back to your dorm. Or else I’ll call Droog.”

She left.

 

Everyone else slunk back into their rooms, whispering, until only Dave and Karkat were left in the corridor, standing without talking. Eventually, Dave twisted his mouth.

“Nice shitshow, DiCaprio. Real Oscar-winner.”

The only response he got was a door slamming in his face.

 

 

John and Vriska burst through a door down the hallway, covered in leaves and grinning from ear to ear.

“Hey, Dave – man, you won’t believe the night we had – sure hope we didn’t miss any _exciting happenings_ over here – !”


	5. Chapter 5

Dave’s first lesson with the Handmaid went about as well as he expected. That is to say, terribly.

By the time he managed to find the atrium, which was a little glass room filled with vines, the Handmaid had already clearly been waiting there for quite some time. She had a pair of white wands resting on her lap, and an ornate wooden box sitting next to her.

“Sorry,” Dave puffed, wondering if his face was visibly red. He had flash-stepped around the entire mansion at 8:30am looking for this one room which hadn’t had the decency to be marked on the map, but still managed to show up late despite his abuse of his powers.

The Handmaid didn’t acknowledge him. Bizarrely, she seemed to be occupied with tracing a finger over the carvings on the box beside her. It was covered with intricate scenes of skulls and clocks.

 _Ok. Looks like the lesson’s not starting just yet. Or maybe this_ is _the lesson? Some kinda meta-introduction on the nature of time, as it passes us by?_

...

_Nah._

While they waited, Dave occupied himself wandering around the atrium. The glass walls looked out over the gardens in one direction, but if he looked up, he could see the west wall of the mansion behind them, and –

He frowned. A white figure in one of the windows had disappeared as soon as he looked at it, like an afterimage of looking at the sun. 

Squinting, he tried to figure out which room that was. Unless he was very wrong – which he often was – that was the place that Ms Paint had pointed out as the headmaster’s office on the first day.

 

His musings were interrupted as an older student walked into the room, slamming the door behind her so hard he was surprised the glass didn’t shatter.

He tried not to stare and failed. This girl was wearing a school uniform even though Doc Scratch’s didn’t have a uniform, and her hair was held back with a pair of white chopsticks. She looked around, unimpressed, then put her joint out on the windowsill and said something in Japanese to the Handmaid, who gave a short reply.

Both of them looked at Dave.

“Hi,” he said.

Suddenly impatient, the Handmaid gestured for both of them to sit down. There were no chairs in this room, so Dave flopped down on the floor, struggling to cross his legs in his tight jeans, while the other girl (who he would later learn through osmosis was called Damara) leant against a wall.

 

The Handmaid lifted the box onto her lap, and then opened it. From inside, she extracted a live frog.

“What the fuck,” Dave said before he could stop himself.

The Handmaid ignored him, setting the box aside. She gripped the frog tightly in the other hand, though it was struggling to hop away. Looking to Dave, she held up a single finger.

“Yeah, there’s only one frog,” he said after a long pause, but she shook her head. “Uh. Lesson number one?”

The Handmaid rolled her eyes heavenwards, and he wondered once more how much English she could understand. Concentrating, she flattened her palm and closed her eyes, and the frog went completely, unnaturally still.

Then… it started to become shrunken and wizened. Its skin slowly went brown and spotted. And then all the fleshy parts of it melted away, leaving only a tiny fragile skeleton.

“…Ok. Ok. What the _fuck.”_

 

While Dave was still grappling with his own horror, the Handmaid carefully gathered up the bones and put them back in the box. From the same box, she then brought out an apple, which she threw at Dave without any warning. He had to slow time in order to catch it before it knocked his teeth out.

The Handmaid and Damara waited, both staring at Dave. In turn, he stared at the apple.

“Uh. I don’t really know how to do this,” he said eventually. “Yeah, see, I can kind of slow down time, but only for myself – or, like, my perception of it, or something? But I can still move normally within the slowed time, so maybe I am actually slowing time itself. And if I _do_ slow down time, people don’t age – or, at least, I don’t think so. I don’t know. Basically I just straight up don’t think I can do what you just did. Which is good. Because I don’t really want to commit amphibian murder.”

Damara frowned. She looked at the Handmaid, who said nothing. Then, eventually, she managed to get out a labored sentence in English. “It’s lesson. So learn.”

“Uh. Right.” Feeling like a bit of an idiot, Dave shut his eyes like the Handmaid had done, still holding the apple. He concentrated very, very hard, trying to imagine the apple browning and then rotting –

And when he opened his eyes, the apple was unchanged.

“I don’t know what I was expecting,” he said, embarrassed. “Guess I thought that this was like Peter Pan and if I believed hard enough I could do anything. But believe me I was trying to focus my chakras pretty hard just then and all I did was give myself a headache.”

 

Damara sighed, face pulled into an expression of irritated boredom. She walked over to one of the vines that had burst through a ceiling panel and viciously pulled a fresh white bloom off it.

She held her hand out, pointedly showing Dave the flower. He watched as it withered in super-speed, the petals going black and falling off, turning into dust.

The Handmaid nodded, satisfied. Now that the two of them were standing right beside one another, Dave noticed how amazingly similar their faces were, despite being separated by a gulf in age. Also, the way they moved, and dressed, and their voices…

Damara spoke again. “Out of us. You are. Different. Most powerful. So learn. Quickly. Or else…”

The Handmaid dragged her finger across her throat.

 

 

To Dave’s relief, that was about as far as that lesson had gone. From somewhere in the school, a bell had suddenly rung, and he had found himself being herded out of the room into what was apparently an assembly. It seemed like everyone in the school had emerged. Even Gamzee was there. And that was a rarity.

“It’s Doc Scratch,” Rose had said, catching him in the corridor among flowing streams of people. “He’s going to speak to us.”

 

They all flooded into a building that somewhat resembled a theater, with a pair of red curtains and a podium. Once everyone was gathered together, it was easy to see how few students there were. If they all sat together, they would've barely filled three rows.

While looking for somewhere to settle, Dave accidentally caught Karkat’s eye from across the room and was flipped the bird for his troubles. The guy had even darker circles than usual under his eyes. To his disgust, Dave knew intimately well how little sleep the other boy had gotten last night, because he could hear him pacing through the wall, along with Sollux telling him to shut up and sit down.

Making a quick decision, Dave sat next to Rose, among a gaggle of upperclassmen.

 

While the chatter was still dying down, Snowman got up on stage and tapped a finger against the mic. “Yes, thank you. Settle down. Well done on being so prompt. Our esteemed headmaster has decided that he wanted to deliver a special message, so I’ll hand straight over to him.”

She walked offstage. Everybody sat staring in anticipation at the red curtains, waiting for them to part.

 

There was no movement. A voice crackled on over the old-fashioned loudspeakers. “A warm welcome to all students, old and new.”

 _So this is his game, huh._ Dave saw Rose’s expression morph into annoyance beside him, and he knew his own was probably much the same.

“Looking out over your faces, I am pleased to see the fresh new blood that has recently entered the veins of the academy. It is no secret to those who are in the know that our school has existed here on the green moon for many years, and stands in great reputation with magic users across the universe, so you must understand what an honor it is to be admitted here. And, what's more, with this recent recruitment, our ranks are at last complete.” Doc Scratch’s voice was amicable and pleasant, though he didn’t sound as old as Dave had envisioned.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Dave whispered to Rose, but the guy was still going on.

“This little gathering was arranged simply so that I could personally say how much I am looking forward to monitoring the growth of our promising selection of new students. As such, I will be seeing them soon for the first of their bi-weekly power tuning sessions.” A rush of whispers went up at that, but Doc Scratch either didn’t hear or wasn’t bothered. “That is all.”

“Whoa, what the hell?” One of the upperclassmen whispered from behind them. “He’s never given _us_ a power tuning session.” Her tattooed friend murmured in agreement.

Rose turned around and addressed the girl who had spoken, Latula.

“Excuse me. You’ve been here for two years now, right?” The girl nodded, her dark glasses sliding down her nose. “What do you know of Doc Scratch?”

“Couldn’t say,” Latula shrugged. “Never even _seen_ the cat.”

 

 

The matter of the upper years was something that had been weighing on Dave since he had first arrived. Though he couldn’t put his finger on it, there seemed to be something bizarre about them. Rose had definitely spotted it, too, but she told him she was still in the process of working some things out. In between coyly pretending she wasn’t making googly eyes at Maryam, that was.

The upperclassman who was bothering him most, though, was the one he had seen on the staircase, and then at lunch. 

Dirk.

 

One mid-afternoon, when he walked into computer science with the Darkleer and turned on his monitor, he found that, despite his frantic mouse-wiggles, all it would play was episodes of Naruto, sped up and in reverse. A quick glance around told him he wasn’t the only one with this problem.

“Um. Is this – uh, supposed to happen?”

“Ooh, I think this is the one where they try to see what Kakashi’s face looks like under his mask! It’s my favfurrite!”

“Gosh darn it,” the Darkleer sighed, tapping the top of his own hijacked monitor. “This is the fifth time this semester. It seems that Strider’s up to his tricks again.”

Dave looked around, indignant. “What? It’s not me! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wish it were me, this is bomb and all, but I really can’t take credit for this one.”

Tavros tried to turn his computer off, and the theme song started blasting ten times as loud. Wincing, the Darkleer looked at him. “…Pardon? Oh, forgive me. I was not talking about you. I was referring to the other Strider. The one who harbors an obsession with irony and puppets.”

Dave, who had been trying his hardest to forget about the guy who bore such an eerie resemblance to him that he was probably an omen of Dave’s impending death, was suddenly reminded full-force of that particular existence. _Irony and… puppets?_

He hadn’t been able to ask the Darkleer anything else, though, because Karkat had claimed that he knew a way to fix the computers and they had all been forced to evacuate the computer lab because of the ensuing explosion. However, in the back of his mind, Dave noted that he should probably gather up the courage to talk to Dirk one-on-one sometime soon.

 

But, because fate tended to be an interfering bitch, it wasn’t long before Dave was forced into meeting the ‘other Strider’ for real.

 

On Friday afternoon, he had a free period, and he decided to trek up to the roof of the conservatory to practice some of what the Handmaid had been trying to teach him. 

(Not like he had any friends to hang out with, anyway, since Rose and Kanaya were now firmly attached to one another’s sides like the most adorable pair of Siamese twins.)

His potential practice session was cut short when someone else already turned out to be up there.

In hindsight, he guessed he should’ve seen the meeting coming. Striders sniffed out high places like dogs sniffed out snausages.

 

Dirk lowered his sword. _A katana, huh. As expected of the famed Naruto-hacker._

There was a moment of stillness where they just looked at each other across the roof. People were laughing and chattering down on the lawn below.

 

Dave cleared his throat when it looked like the other boy wasn’t going to speak. “We meet at last, I guess.”

This seemed to bring Dirk back to life. He re-sheathed his sword with a sigh. “…So you noticed too, huh?”

“Noticed what? The hair? The shades? The surname? The fact that basically you’re jacking my swag in every imaginable way?” _Whoops, that was supposed to be a joke, but it came across kinda rude. Hope he didn't notice._

Luckily, Dirk just barked a laugh. “Ok, you know what, I’ll deign to ignore that, since I’m two years older than you therefore making me the jackee and you the jacker.”

“Please don’t ever call me that again,” Dave said, and Dirk snorted.

The two of them stood awkwardly.

“So.”

“So.”

…

With a grunt, Dirk settled himself on the edge of the building, legs dangling over the edge. After an uncomfortable pause, Dave joined him. He made sure to put a safe distance between them, though.

“What the hell is up with all this, then?” he said.

Dirk shrugged. “No idea. I’m as stumped as you are.” He paused, flashing a look at Dave from behind his triangular shades. From this distance, Dave could see that his eyes were a bright honey-brown – almost orange. “You don’t think we’re… related, in some way?”

Dave also shrugged. The thought had occurred to him. “No way of knowing. Never met my parents. Whoever they were, they just left a note alongside me and my twin sister that said we were siblings and what our names were.”

“I’m in the same boat. No parents; no guardian at all, actually, none of that jazz. Strider’s just a name I was given in the system.”

 

Scanning over the lawns below them, Dave suddenly noticed that there was a familiar white figure lazing in the grass beside a plump, cheerful girl he recognised as Jane Crocker. He looked between the boy beside him and the one in the grass, astonished.

Same sunglasses, same freckles, same perfectly sculpted hair. _Two of them? Is this some time shenanigans?_

Dirk had noticed his predicament, and put his suspicions to rest. “Yeah. Probably should’ve given you some kind of warning about that. Duplication’s my game. And I’ve been working on super-speed, too, recently, but I haven’t refined that one just yet.”

“Duplication, huh.” _Looks like Strider style’s rapidly losing its uniqueness. From one, to two, to mass-produced coolkids all over the shop._

Dave watched the Dirk down on the grass turn and say something to Jane, who snickered. “Uh. Hate to ask, but. Which one’s the real one?”

Dirk shifted. “That’s not really how that works,” he said. “Split consciousness. There are shards of me all over the place. But, if this is what you're asking, I tend to focus most of my energy into one main body, which is currently in class." Upon seeing Dave's uncomfortable shift as he processed that idea, Dirk added, "Don’t worry, my loading times might leave something to be desired, but whichever version of me you encounter, guaranteed, I’m all here. Literally and figuratively.”

“Huh.” Dave swung his legs for a bit, not knowing how to respond, then figured he should probably explain his own powers to be polite. “I can slow down time. I think if I practice enough, I’ll be able to stop it completely, too.” He paused. “That’s why I came up here. I wanted to practice something that the Handmaid was trying to teach me.”

Dirk stared at him. “You’re learning with the Handmaid?”

“Yeah?”

A low whistle. “She’s one of the most powerful ones. Her and the Condesce.” Leaning back, he snorted. “I’m a little jealous. They didn’t really know what to do with me, since none of the twelve teachers have anything like duplication as their power, so they just split my sessions between Mindfang and Dualscar. One for mind control – you know, for learning to spread my mind as thin as a stingy Victorian miser spreads his butter – and one for super speed. Can’t say I’ve really learned anything from them – especially Mindfang, she loves the sound of her own voice too much to ever actually teach – but I’m starting to get around at a pretty pace, at least, and that’s better than nothing. It’s useful for my puppeteering; helps the illusion somewhat.”

 _God, there’s that mention of puppets again._ Dave grimaced. He couldn’t avoid it any more. He was going to have to bring it up.

“You know, I’m not even related to my Bro in any way, he’s just the guy who adopted me. But… you still remind me a lot of him.”

Dirk raised his eyebrows. “Your Bro?”

 

Dave extracted his phone and spent a few minutes scrolling anxiously through his camera roll. To his surprise, it turned out he didn’t have that many photos of his guardian.

“Here. That’s him right there.” It was an old picture. One of Bro’s ‘ironic selfies’ with a bib-wearing toddler Dave. It was impossible to make out any kind of emotion on the man’s face.

“…Wow. You’re right. It’s like looking at myself in fifteen years.” Dirk seemed sort of creeped out. “Look at that hat. I’ve been intending to buy a hat like that for ages.”

“I used to think he had time powers like me, because, you know, it seemed obvious, right? It always felt like he could move around the apartment so fast, it made sense to assume that he could flash-step too. Like I said, we aren’t related by blood but I thought he – maybe – I don’t know – taught me, somehow? Like he trained my powers into me? That sounds dumb saying it out loud, but it always seemed to make sense up 'til I actually thought about it right now. It’s just something about the way he is, he made it seem like he was… _preparing_ me for something. He used to make me sword-fight him on the roof, that shit ain’t – ”

Dave stopped himself.

Wow, he had just gotten dangerously close to weirdly spilling his guts to this near-stranger. Was it because he looked so much like Bro?

Nah. Couldn't be that. He had never talked to Bro about anything much.

…

_Well fuck. Nice one, Dave. Looks like you might have repressed some shit._

_That’s a problem for another day, though._

…

…

…

_Why isn’t he saying anything._

 

Beside him, Dirk was staring straight ahead, expression unreadable. The other Dirk, down in the grass, seemed to be talking to Jane. Somewhat flustered, Dave wondered if maybe he was focussing all his attention on that conversation. Then he wondered how many other Dirks there were running around at this current moment.

_Young versions of Bro. All over the school. Popping out of doorways. Appearing from nowhere. Shooting around corners with super-speed._

The idea was sort of terrifying to him, though he couldn’t pinpoint why.

He coughed, then continued, since Dirk was still eerily silent. “I don’t know why I’m talking about him in the past tense. Bro’s not dead. Anyway. Looks like I was wrong. Now that I think about it, it seems like duplication is the only answer. I always did wonder how he could make Cal move about even when he was out of the house.”

“Cal?” Dirk said, making Dave aware that he was mostly talking to himself and leaving the other conversational party in the dark.

“It was one of his puppets. Honestly, now that I’m fuck knows how many miles away from him, I’ll admit one thing: I hate all of his fucking dumbass puppets. Look, the guy’s awesome, there’s no denying that, but he also runs an empire of borderline pornographic puppet websites and I don’t care what level of irony he’s doing it on because that doesn’t make it any less creepy.”

“ _Borderline_?” Dirk leaned back, blowing hair out of his eyes. “Amateur.”

 

Everything hit Dave at once, suddenly, and he groaned and buried his head in his hands. “This whole thing is just wack. You’re a Strider, I’m a Strider, we’ve never even met each other. We’ve zoomed off the face of planet fucking Earth and now only God himself knows where we are. You’re over here able to split in two like a fucking amoeba and I have the ability to press the pause button when shit gets too stressful. What’s going on? What’s up with this crazy freaky school?”

Dirk sighed in agreement. “You’re telling me. Over two years I’ve been at this place and I still haven’t managed to work out many of its peculiarities. The furthest any of us have gotten is figuring out that we must be on the moon of some planet in some unknown galaxy, and it wasn’t even me who figured that out, it was my hacker friend.”

“A moon?” Dave said. He looked up at the massive black planet taking up most of the sky. He had always assumed _that_ was a moon, not the other way round. “I guess that makes sense. Or as much sense as anything makes here.”

 

While Dave was busy staring upwards, someone zoomed into his line of view and hovered there. “Crikey, there’s one up here, too? Dirks all over the place!”

 

Dave nearly fell off the roof. It didn’t help that he had basically entered spar mode as soon as he had seen Dirk’s drawn katana, and had been incapable of fully leaving it. The guy looked too much like Bro for his comfort.

“Oh. Hey.” Dirk, however, seemed unfazed. He remained unfazed as he turned to Dave and dropped the biggest bombshell he could’ve possibly dropped. “Oh, yeah. You two probably haven’t met before. This is my boyfriend, Jake.”

 

 

“Rose, I can’t,” Dave groaned. It was sixth period gym, which they shared with the upper years, and he had joined his twin in leaning against the ball cupboard after being sent out of the game for refusing to take his sunglasses off.

Rose, wearing a wraparound skirt and holding a hockey stick like a weapon, rolled her eyes. “Will you ever stop with all your needless melodrama?”

“No,” Dave said, at the same time as Rose added, “Don’t bother answering, by the way, because I already know the answer is no.”

“Just look at him, Rose!” he whined. “Look at his stupid coif and his short shorts and his buckteeth. He looks like John if he was drawn by a DeviantArt fetishist.”

The unwitting subject of their conversation was currently bouncing about the basketball court in the smallest pair of shorts known to man, shouting for someone to pass to him like an excited puppy. Dave couldn’t tear his eyes off the guy’s shapely legs. They were certainly right there on display.

“So. Just so we’re clear here. The reason that you’re freaking out is because a guy who looks somewhat similar to you is in a relationship with another boy?”

Dave could sense a lecture coming. “You _know_ it’s not just that he looks like me, there are way too many other similarities. We’re definitely related in some way. It’s the only explanation.”

“And what? You’re worried that gayness is genetic?” Rose’s dark mouth was twisted in displeasure. “Or that you might catch it, somehow, like the common cold?”

“Rose, don’t go putting words in my mouth. If I was worried about carrying the gay gene, don’t you think I would’ve brought that up a long time ago when you, my twin sister, turned out to be more into girls than possibly anyone ever?”

“But that’s girls. And we’re talking boys, here. It’s clear that one subject makes you uncomfortable while the other does not.” Rose sighed when he turned his face away, refusing to continue the conversation. “I’m just trying to understand, Dave. I think you make more of a deal out of these things than you need to.”

“I don’t know. Forgive me for being freaked out over seeing something like a version of myself that’s dating a dude.” He indicated viciously. “And, I mean, come on, seriously, _that_ dude of all dudes!?”

 

Someone had passed Jake the ball and he was dribbling it up the court. He ducked under Cronus’ arm, laughing, sweat staining the front of his vest.

_I mean, you can tell he wrestles, for sure. I wonder if him and Dirk ever –_

Rose raised her eyebrows. “Oh? Is there some type of ‘dude’ you _could_ envision yourself being attracted to, then?”

“That – That’s not what I meant and you know it. It’s just weird, is all. Things are allowed to be weird without it representing my repressed childhood desire for my mother or a thirst for dick or – ” He stopped himself, which was just as well, because Rose had given him the Warning Look.

“Just. Urgh. Once I started looking, I couldn’t stop.” Dave sank down and buried his face in his knees. “Why are his shorts so small.”

Rose looked amused. “From what I overheard, those were the only pair left in the lost property box.”

“I bet Dirk orchestrated this.”

“Taking into consideration everything I know of Dirk’s personality, I really wouldn’t put it past him. Anyway, I do hate to cut short your crisis over Jake English’s hotpants, but you actually brought up something important I’ve been meaning to discuss with you for a while now.”

 

Somewhat relieved by the change in topic, Dave looked up. “Yeah. Recently you’ve been too busy having heated Scrabble tournaments with Maryam to talk to little old me.”

“When you find someone whose company you enjoy above anyone else’s, I’ll remind you of that statement, Dave.” Rose smiled, but then her face became serious again. “No, it’s on the subject of our upperclassmen.”

Dave was immediately interested. He had left the investigating to Rose, trusting her uncanny knack for extracting information from people without them even realising it.

She lowered her voice slightly, eyeing their surroundings. “I’ve been surveying the students of this school, and I’ve come out with some interesting findings. It seems to me that there are only three generations of magic users in existence: ours, that of the upperclassmen, and that of the teachers. And each generation consists of sixteen individuals – with the only exception being the teachers, of which there are only twelve, breaking the pattern slightly. But I have my own theory on that, and in actuality I don’t think it’s an anomaly at all.”

“Okay.” Dave looked at her, trying to figure out where this was going. “So the numbers add up evenly, maybe. Couldn’t that just be a coincidence?”

“But there’s more to it than that. I know you’ve noticed Dirk, and his various similarities to you, but have you ever noticed the same of anyone else? Porrim and Kanaya, for instance? Or Aradia and Damara?” She sighed almost wistfully, eyes flickering around the room. “In fact, I’ve been looking for someone of equivalent similarity to _me_ , though I’ve had no luck thus far. But most others seems to be accounted for. Doesn’t that seem bizarre to you?”

 

Dave eyed the occupants of the basketball court. Now that Rose mentioned it, he could see patterns beginning to emerge in their classmates. Meulin and Nepeta were both excitedly darting about the court, wearing cat-ear headbands and running everyone else into the ground with their layups. Mituna and Sollux, who shared the same heterochromia and terrible lisp, were sitting together on the stands with nurse’s passes, typing furiously on their phones. Equius and Horuss looked like distant sweaty cousins. 

 

He looked to Rose, who saw that her point was beginning to sink in. “What are trying to say? Go on, explain it like I’m stupid. I know how you love doing that.”

“Very well. I’ll illustrate my point using Karkat.” 

She pointed at the accused, who had appointed himself head of the red team and was currently cussing out Cronus for using his speed to cheat, making him, as he put it, ‘A TRAITOR TO THE VERY CONCEPT OF GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP’ and ‘BASICALLY THE BENEDICT ARNOLD OF BASKETBALL’.

While Dave was distracted watching Karkat spit venom, Rose had started her explanation. “For each person, there are two others. Obviously, Karkat’s equivalent among the upperclassmen is Kankri, who shares his surname and many of his characteristics, loquaciousness among them. And in the eldest generation, their shared equivalent would undoubtedly be the Signless.”

“Equivalent? What do you mean, equivalent?”

Rose shook her head. “I don’t know yet. All I see is a thread of eerie genetic similarity running through the generations. What this portends, I couldn’t begin to say. My current best guess is that, in actuality, each group of three might be genetically identical.”

Dave watched Karkat get sent off the court by for swearing by Boxcars. “So you’re suggesting the Signless might be, like, an older version of Karkat? Like if Karkat lives another twenty years without me pummelling him into a fine paste, that’s what he’s gonna look like?”

He thought of the Signless’ large, top-heavy frame and slight beard. Then he looked at Karkat, who was now on the ground wheezing from being hit in the gut by a stray basketball. “Bull fucking shit.”

Rose was also watching Karkat with a slight smirk on her face. “Judging by his current build, I certainly wouldn’t deem it impossible. Growth spurts can still happen well into your twenties, after all.”

“No way. Growth spurts make you taller, Rose, they don’t turn you into a different _species_.”

Oh God, now he was thinking about the Signless’ ripped dad bod. Must be the effects of being on a sweaty basketball court, surrounded by scantily clad muscular dudes, and Jake English’s smooth hairless legs –

_What is wrong with me today?_

__

__

_Well, whatever. Objectively speaking, the Signless is pretty hot. For a forty year old dude, at least. I’ve seen the Disciple checking him out more than once._

“Let’s not get too caught up on Karkat; he was only an example. Anyway, that theory really doesn’t seem to hold much water, since I seriously doubt you’re genetically identical to Dirk, or Jade to Jake for that matter. But it’s all I can come up with right now. I need more time, and, more importantly, more information.”

Deep in thought, Dave hummed, and leant back against the locker. It looked like Boxcars was about to sub him back in after Karkat’s removal, sunglasses be damned. “Well. If there’s one thing we can agree on for now, it’s that Something Queer Is Going On At Doc Scratch’s.”

Rose leant on her hockey stick as she watched him go. “Queer indeed.”

 

 

The two of them made no more progress unravelling the mystery for the rest of the week. Rose decided to get re-distracted by Kanaya and her own studies, and Dave wasn’t willing to go it alone when it came to poking around in Doc Scratch’s business. The guy seemed to have an invisible presence in his own school that had Dave walking around on tenterhooks between classes, ready to draw his sword at the slightest noise.

The first school week drew to a close, and ushered in the weekend. Somehow, throughout the course of the week, Dave and John’s door became permanently propped open and used as an impromptu slumber party site at all hours of the day.

 

“Why are you all in our room again?” Dave asked. The group was made up of most of the girls, plus Tavros. Rose and Kanaya weren’t there, obviously, and Jade had excused herself to go take one of her legendary naps. Aradia rarely humored any of their shenanigans, and today wasn’t an exception.

“Because your and John’s room is the biggest one, duh,” Vriska said, rolling her one visible eye. Behind her, Feferi was plaiting her hair, badly.

“Ok. But we have a common room. Two, actually.”

“Equius is always steaming up the windows in there, it’s gross! And ours in the North Wing has been basically impossible to use since Nepeta tore up all the couches. And plus – ” Vriska grinned over at John, who was paying too much attention to their game of Mario Kart to notice. “Weeeeeeeell, the _view’s_ just not as good.”

“Nepeta’s – I mean, _I’m_ – really pawfully sorry about that. I thought everyone would appurreciate having a big nest to snuggle up in together!” Nepeta was tucked up at the end of one of the beds, playing Pokemon with Tavros. To everyone’s disgust, she always insisted on going to get Equius’ permission before hanging out with them. 

Luckily, he had usually relented, if only because Kanaya threatened to give him a ‘Serious Talk of the Old Fashioned Variety’ over being an ‘Unnecessarily Controlling and Kind Of Dickish Mother Bear’ if he didn’t.

“Hey, Terezi, I’m not going to be able to win if you keep monopolising my limbs like that,” Dave said. He was having to hold his controller one-handed because Terezi had insisted on painting his nails with a bright lurid red polish, and he hadn’t cared enough to resist. “I mean, I’m good at Mario Kart for sure, but not good enough to win on Bowser’s Castle without the use of my two God-given opposable thumbs, call that a literal _hand_ icap, if you will, haha, nice, good one Dave, high five.”

“Stop babbling and stay still!” Terezi snickered, concentrating on her task with laser-focus. “This is gonna look so cool once I’m done!”

Pulling his eyes from the screen for a split second, Dave glanced down at his right hand. Terezi was doing quite a good job of it despite being blind. She was managing to get the paint only on the tips of his fingers. “Sweet. Looks like I half-heartedly fingered the Kool-Aid man. Hey, you _have_ got some remover lying around, right?”

Terezi laughed like he had told the funniest joke. “Of course I don’t have any nail-polish remover, Dave! That stuff’s for quitters.”

 

There was a sound by the door, and everyone in the room looked over.

It was Karkat, hovering awkwardly. Something in his posture suggested that he had probably been planning on yelling, but had deflated once he saw the number of people in the room.

“Oh, hey, Karkat!” said John, who seemed to have quickly developed way too much affection for Karkat despite the guy openly hating his guts. “Sorry, are we being too noisy?”

“Uh, not really.” When he looked around, his eyes lingered on Terezi for a second too long. He especially looked pained to see Dave’s hand between hers. “Well, anyway. It sure looks like you guys are having a damn blast in here. So I’ll take a hint and make myself scarce.”

“What, no! You should stay! We’ve got another controller, you can be Luigi!”

Karkat looked down. He had looked like shit since his argument with Terezi on Tuesday, and from the fact that his tossing and sighing was loud enough to be heard through the wall that separated their beds, Dave could infer that he hadn’t been getting any sleep since then either. “No, I. Don’t think that’s a good idea. Because it's not one. So I'll just... go.”

He shuffled off. Nobody in the room breathed again until they heard the door beside them click shut.

 

Everyone looked over to Terezi, who had buried her face in her hands.

“Uuuurgh, God,” she groaned. “Why is he like this? He just will not let any wound lie without rubbing salt in it.”

“Because he’s a pathetic leech who never deserved your attention in the first place?” Vriska suggested brightly.

Terezi looked pained. “No, that’s not true.” She sighed, and Dave sensed that a gossip session was about to ensue. 

Sure enough: “When we first met I thought we were perfect together. But then he just… wore me down.”

“Hm? Wait, how long have you two known each other?” John asked.

“Oh, long before Skaianet. We met by chance, when my family went on holiday to Disneyland. I think we were about thirteen. He was working at one of the eateries in an adorable little red hat, looking all furious like he does.”

“Wait, Karkat worked at Disneyland?” John burst out laughing. “That’s too good!”

Terezi shook her head. “Oh no, not Disney. Just one of the crappy off-brand places near our hotel. I think his old man must’ve run the diner, because he was helping clear the plates despite being so little.” She looked wistful, resting her chin on her hand. “He used to be so cute, I wanted to eat him up. He’d send me a heart emoji over MSN every day. Sometimes he wrote me poems, too. They never rhymed, but he tried so hard.”

“Aw, how pathetic!” That was Vriska. “It’s a shame that now he’s just a clingy unromantic dweeb who looooooooves chewing out Dave for standing near you more than he actually ever loved _you!”_

Everybody winced at that blow. Terezi lowered her gaze, not denying it.

 

Luckily, Nepeta piped up, changing the subject. Her voice was shy.

“So, um, I really don’t want to be rude, but… have you actually broken up? For realsies? It’s just that you’ve talked about doing it a lot before, but you always seemed to get back together again…”

Terezi took a deep breath. “No, I think this is it for us. For good. I mean, it’s nothing new that he’s the king of mixed messages, but this time… I’m done with it.” She gave Nepeta one of her trademark grins, but it looked a little forced. “Hey, good for you, Nepeta! Now’s your chance. You’ve had a crush on him since forever.”

Blushing furiously, Nepeta hid her face. “What??? N-No, I could never…”

 

Just as Dave was about to complain about the romance babble being recklessly spilled all over his domain, Vriska bounced upright and clapped her hands, ruining the braids Feferi had been painstakingly arranging. “Right, I think that’s enough talk about Karkat Vantas to last anyone a lifetime. We need to jazz up this slumber party before it threatens to turn into a funeral procession.” 

She turned and pointed aggressively at Dave. “You! Go sneak into the kitchens and steal us some ice-cream.”

 

“Uh, sure,” was what Dave was about to say, when suddenly his mind completely short-circuited, blacked out, and was force-rebooted.

 

…

When he came to, he was lying flat on his back in the middle of the floor with a pulsing behind his eyes and a tub of Neapolitan ice-cream in his grasp.

“Thanks, Strider!” Vriska said, taking it and marching off to find a spoon.

 

“Urrrggggh.” He sat up, rubbing his head. Knowing Vriska, he could take an educated guess at it, but he still said, “What happened?”

“Vriska happened, silly!” Feferi giggled. “It was really funny! You were like one of my brainless zombies!”

“You know you literally didn’t have to do that, right?” Dave picked himself up off the ground, glaring at the reappeared Spiderbitch. His sunglasses had fallen off, but he refused to immediately grope around for them like Velma after getting clocked one by a masked Old Man Jenkins. He wasn’t letting her have that satisfaction. “I was gonna go get it anyway. It would’ve been quicker, too, ‘cause I could’ve used my powers.”

“Oh well. Think of it as me saving you the trouble of piloting your own useless scrawny body!” Vriska grinned at him, and he was suddenly struck by her obvious dislike. “You’re welcome!”

 

Before Dave could, someone else piped up unexpectedly. “Vriska, that was. Really shitty! And I think you should. Stop using your powers to be such a bully all the time!”

Vriska turned. “Oh, Tavros! You’re so irrelevant, I completely forgot you were lurking in the corner there. Come to think of it, why are you even here again? Is it that nobody wants to hang out with you, not even your braindead roommate?”

“Hey, don’t. Talk about Gamzee like that!” Tavros shot back, but his voice was unconvincingly small.

“Why?” Vriska laughed. “Are you jealous now that I’m paying more attention to John? Toooo bad! I’ve moved on! Indecisive, whiny nerds who don’t know a beautiful girl when she stares them in the face are a thing of the past!”

Tavros frowned. “I’m not. Jealous! I just think you were being an asshole, like usual, especially to Dave, who is, uh, my friend!”

Dave blinked as everyone looked over. This was news to him. “Oh. Uh, thanks for having my back. I guess. Bro.”

Vriska laughed. “Oh, come on, seriously! _Friends?_ You’re a joke! In fact, how about you do us all a favor right now and go bother your pathetic collection imaginary pals instead of ruining our real-life hangout?”

Tavros balled his fists, sitting up straighter. “The joke’s on you this time, Vriska, because my imaginary friend who you always made fun of is. Real! He was a real person all along and I met him and he’s going to teach me how to fly!”

“What?” Terezi said, stunned.

“It’s true! I met him, and he’s in the year above, and he’s even cooler, than I ever imagined, and he can actually fly, for real, because that’s his power! You always said flying was dumb baby nonsense but it’s real and possible, just like Rufioh is real like I always believed he was!”

 

“Is that so?” Vriska’s eye glittered with anger, and she tilted her head until her glasses slid down her nose.

The expression of anger started to ebb away from Tavros’ face, his own gaze turning glassy.

“Well, if you want to fly so badly, why don’t you give it a go now?” she said.

Terezi leapt up, realising what was happening too late. “Vriska, don’t!”

She was already pressing a finger to her temple. Tavros, despite his atrophied legs, slowly knelt up and got off the bed. “Remember how I helped you fly before?”

With mechanical movements, he started to walk to the door. “If you’re so confident and braaaaaaave, I bet you can go even _higher_ now!”

“Stop it!!!” Along with Terezi, Feferi and Nepeta had gotten up and were scrambling to recapture Tavros. There was a rush of people towards the door.

Vriska laughed. “So go on, Tavros! Give it a go!”

 

_Thump._

__

__

…

_Thump thump thump thump thump thump –_

_THWACK._

 

“Vriska, for fuck’s sake!”

 

Everyone who was still awake came running out of their rooms as soon as they heard the unmistakable sound of someone falling down three flights of stairs.

“Oh my God, Tavros!!!”

“Tavros, are you okay?”

“Did someone die?”

He was lying in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the winding staircases. There was still a dazed look in his eyes, but it was different from the one when Vriska had been controlling him.

“Tavros, say something!”

“I… walked again.” He opened his mouth, then shut it, then opened it again. “Hahaha. I think my arm is broken.”

 

“What on Earth happened here!?” Kanaya and Rose had come running out of the North Wing to see what had happened. The former looked up the stairs and narrowed her almond-shaped eyes.

_“Vriska.”_

“Yeah. My arm is, uh, definitely, broken.” Tavros had been trying to sit up while people gathered around him, but he was forced to flop back down. “Also, maybe, my leg, too, but. I have no way of telling, since I. Can’t really feel it.”

“I’m going to get the Dolorosa.” Kanaya said, turning on her heel. Before she could do anything, Vriska was down the steps like a shot and had grabbed her by the arm.

“No, don’t!”

Kanaya frowned at her. “…Why not?”

“You are NOT going to snitch on me! We don’t need to go to the Dolorosa over this!”

“Someone's arm has been broken. I really do think fetching the nurse would be the wisest course of action,” Rose said, but Vriska ignored her.

“Oh, Fussypants, come on!” she whined, gripping Kanaya’s arm tighter. The English girl looked down at where she was being grabbed, her sculpted eyebrows furrowed together in a strange way. “You’ve got similar powers, right? Can’t you just fix his arm?”

Kanaya continued to glare at Vriska, but she also didn’t make a move to pull away. 

Noticing his sister’s subtle displeasure, Dave looked at the stalemated pair more closely.

_…Wasn’t there something between those two, once? It’s so hard to keep track of all the relationships that were born and died on the forums. Good thing I never had one._

 

“Fine,” Kanaya said, as the silent conversation between her and Vriska apparently came to a conclusion. “I’ll try it. Mostly because I do not wish to bother the Dolorosa at this time of night.”

“Yesss!” Vriska stepped back with a grin on her face.

Still displeased, Kanaya knelt down beside Tavros, who was turning paler by the second. Everyone had come out of their rooms to gather on the stairs, keeping watch in all directions. Although Sollux was there, the door to his and Karkat’s shared room remained firmly closed, and there was no sign of the latter anywhere.

Ignoring his yelp, Kanaya pressed her hands over Tavros’ twisted arm.

Rose looked on with a frown. “As strong as my faith is in your abilities, Kanaya, don’t you think that the relocation of unseen bone should be left to a – ”

Kanaya gritted her teeth. “Rose, though usually I love to hear your opinions, I think this is an endeavor best undertaken in – ”

 

There was another sickening crack. If Tavros’ arm didn’t look right before, it definitely didn’t look right now. It was bending in the wrong direction.

“Oh no,” Tavros said, and passed out.

 

 

After a panicked group trip to the Dolorosa, they were all sent back to their rooms one hour later with the assurance that the newly re-healed Tavros would be fine once he woke up. They all gathered round him as he lay in one of the starchy medical bay beds, an expression of shock still frozen on his unconscious face.

“Don’t worry,” the Dolorosa said to a shaken Kanaya in a kind voice. “None of the damage you did is permanent. Probably.”

“He just fell!” Vriska said. “Three flights of stairs at once! What a klutz.”

 

In the middle of the night, Dave woke up at the sound of something moving outside his window. When he opened the sash and looked out, Aradia was standing there on the peaks of one of the rooftops nearby, facing off into the distance. Her dark mass of curls was flowing against the backdrop of night, and her eyes were rolled back into her head like they always were when she spoke to the dead.

She turned, revealing her spooky blank gaze, and spoke. Dave couldn’t tell, but he didn’t think she was speaking to him or anyone in particular. Her voice sounded like many people whispering at once. 

“The dead here speak a different language. I can’t understand them. But I can still tell that they’re trying to warn me.” She turned back, looking out at the grey sea. “Something is wrong with this place.”

Sollux stuck his head out of the window next door. “AA, lighten up, would you?”

 

And then, just when the night was at its darkest, Dave woke up again, struck with a strange, worried guilt. He couldn’t figure out why, but he knew it wouldn’t leave until he did something about it.

He pressed his ear to the wall, and when he couldn’t hear a sound, he did the same thing as his first night at the academy, and flash-stepped down to the wood to the east. But this time, Karkat wasn’t there.


	6. Chapter 6

Everyone crowded round Tavros’ seat during English the next morning to sign his cast. It was completely unnecessary, since the Dolorosa had cleanly relocated the bone and Tavros’ arm was basically good as new, but like hell anybody was going to pass up an opportunity like this.

“Shame she didn’t do your legs too while she was at it,” Dave said, putting the finishing touches on the dick he was drawing in red marker.

Tavros smiled awkwardly. It seemed like all the attention was making him uncomfortable. “Uh, yeah, my legs are. Pretty much dead at this point. She said there’s no chance of saving them.”

“Yes, sorry, Tavros,” Kanaya said. “Unfortunately, those of us with telekinesis are able to manipulate matter, not regrow it.”

“It’s ok. I don’t mind. I’m used to my wheelchair by now.”

“Do not think there are not other options, though. Equius has always maintained that he would be happy to build you a pair of robotic legs if you so wished it, and earlier I heard Feferi express that she could potentially bring your ‘dead’ legs back to life and give you a pair of what she referred to as ‘zombie legs’ – ”

“Uh, thanks, Kanaya, I’ll stick with the, uh, wheelchair – ”

 

“Good morning class!” Mindfang walked in, ridiculous coat billowing around her ankles, and everyone settled down for a long and arduous hour of hearing her wax poetic about Gone With the Wind. 

 

Or, at least, that’s what everyone was expecting, but –

“Fuck you, Rhett and Scarlett’s antagonistic relationship is _iconic_ , and I won’t stand here and let anyone badmouth it.”

“I’m sorry to say it, but you’re completely blinded by the romanticism of the situation. I just don’t understand how you see any chemistry between those two! They’re both awful people.”

“That’s the fucking point! They’re terrible, but they’re terrible _together_. They were _made_ for each other.”

– Karkat and Aranea had managed to get into a fight that lasted forty-five minutes. It was so heated that even Mindfang was just sitting back and watching it unfold. Several times, Aranea had threatened to use her mind-control powers to shut him up.

“The appeal of a relationship is watching it unfold organically from hostility through to affection,” Karkat said, gesticulating to emphasise his point. “If you can’t understand _that_ , then you’ll never understand what makes a piece of romantic literature masterful. If being in love was all sunshine and rainbows all the time, who would even give a shit? That’s not how life works! And, fortunately for those of us who value fictional interpersonal conflict, that’s not how romance works either!”

 _So it’s not only shitty romcoms, but shitty romance novels, too,_ Dave thought. Despite himself, he was somewhat impressed at Karkat’s total lack of shame over either hobby.

“Don’t talk to me about romance, Karkat!” Aranea sighed. “Honestly, what do you even _know_ about romance?”

Karkat’s exhausted face went bright red with anger. He looked a bit better this morning, but still not very good; this was the most Dave had heard him speak in days now. “Wow, low blow! You know what, yeah! It may be public knowledge that my personal relationships are currently in tatters, but believe me, I’m a master of romance when it stays on paper. Which, honestly, is where it fucking belongs if you ask me!”

“I don’t see why you two care so much,” John said, bemused. “None of this is going to come up in the assignment, right?”

“Listen to me, Egbert!” Karkat turned on him. “You don’t have a romantic bone in your body, including _that_ one, so I don’t expect you to even _begin_ to understand, but the nail-biting agony of Rhett and Scarlett’s will-they-won’t-they rapport is more erotic tension than you’ll ever experience in your entire miserable _life_.”

Dave raised his hand. “Mindfang, could I please go to the nurse? I feel ill after hearing Karkat say ‘erotic’.”

“Shut your fucking wind tunnel, Strider! If I wanted to hear your mindless nonsense then I would’ve sent a letter of request to the Department of Useless Shit No-one Cares About!”

“Hey, what kind of a name is Rhett, anyway?” John said.

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Yeah, John, you’re right. It’s almost as stupid as _Mindfang_.”

All of them turned to look at their teacher, ready to see Karkat get kicked out of the lesson as per usual. However, she just looked amused. “Oh, Mindfang isn’t my name. We’re not allowed to have names.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Karkat snapped. “Who decided that?”

“Karkat, despite your awful taste in romantic literature, you’re a very smart boy,” Mindfang said with a smile. “So I’m sure you can figure that one out.”

 

 

“Where is he?” Rose said. “This lesson was supposed to start forty-five minutes ago. I’ve got a lot I intend to ask him, and it feels as though he is deliberately making us wait.”

They were all sitting in a classroom on the second floor. It was 11:15. Doc Scratch was due to appear at any time for the first of their ‘power tuning sessions’, and the tension in the room was palpable.

“Is he actually going to show up?” Sollux said, leaning his head on his hand. “It’s been over a week and none of us have ever seen him. I don’t believe he actually exists.”

“Of course he exists, Sollux!” Feferi said. “The place is _named_ after him.”

“So? That doesn’t prove anything. D’you think that every time you go to Papa John’s, the big man himself is there lurking in the corner?”

“What do you think he looks like?” Vriska said, leaning back on her chair. “I bet he’s super crusty. He talks like a gross old man.”

“Funny. I never got that impression,” John said thoughtfully. “I always imagined him as young! Maybe because he’s a doctor?”

“I don’t think he’s an actual medical doctor.”

“You never know!”

“Whoever he is, I assume he must be very powerful to be able to create and run this school,” Rose said, standing up in her seat and attracting everyone’s attention. She looked angry. “This is a joke. Not even deigning to greet us when we first showed up, and now this. What in god’s name can he be so busy with on this barren planet that he can’t even teach his own students in a slot that he allocated himself? I’m going to go find him.”

“You need look no further, Miss Lalonde. I am already here.”

 

They all jumped, and turned towards the front of the classroom. There, a man was sitting comfortably in the teacher’s seat, smiling.

“When – How did you – ?” Nepeta stuttered, looking between him and the door at the back of the room. “I didn’t smell you come in!”

He raised a hand amicably.

“I teleported, of course. It’s important to make an entrance. Wouldn’t you agree?” 

That smile widened a fraction. He was looking directly at Rose, who slowly lowered herself back down into her seat.

Doc Scratch was not a tall man. He possessed a pair of discomfiting pale eyes and a small, clipped beard, and wore a spotless white suit and gloves over a spotless green silk undershirt. A little bowtie sat at his throat. His hair, too, was white – enough that it must have been bleached – and had been meticulously slicked back so that not a tendril was out of place. He had a face that was neither young nor old; it was somehow ageless.

The entire class was completely silent, caught up with staring at him. Jade broke the silence first, her eyes wide. “Teleported… So… Doc Scratch, you have the same powers as me?”

He laced his gloved fingers together. “Yes. And no. You see, Miss Harley, I don’t mean to boast, but I am undeniably a very powerful man, and am therefore capable of many, many unusual things. And, indeed, teleportation is among them. But unlike you, my dear, my powers do not stop there.”

“We mere mortals tremble at your presence,” Rose said in a curt tone. “To you, it must seem pedestrian to possess such negligible amounts of power.”

Dave looked over at her, wondering why she was acting so coldly. _Rose, c’mon, we only just met him. You don’t need to break the snark out already._

“Quite the contrary. I am honored to be in the presence of so many godlike figures, however young you may be.”

“Godlike?” This stopped Rose in her tracks.

Scratch smiled. “Yes. There is no way that any of you young things would suspect quite how important you all will be in the years to come. But I assure you, it would be no exaggeration to call the lot of you ‘gods’. At the risk of sounding simply starstruck, I will say this much: you are the sixteen most important people who shall ever cross my path.”

 

They were all silent again upon hearing that. Doc Scratch took it upon himself to carry on the conversation.

“Miss Lalonde. Or, may I call you Rose?”

“No,” Rose said, her voice clipped. “Miss Lalonde works just fine.”

“Very well then. Miss Lalonde, you said you had a lot to ask me. I am happy to answer any questions you may have, on the condition that I am able to ask you one of my own in return once you are finished.”

“I don’t see what answers I would be able to provide,” Rose said. “But fine. Proceed.”

“Well, first I’ll put the discussion to the rest of the class, as promised. Does anyone have anything to ask me? I’m quite open.” Doc Scratch leaned back in his seat.

Dave found that once he was faced with someone calmly promising to explain everything, all hang-ups he had ever had about the academy completely dried up.

Luckily, John didn’t seem to feel the same. “Uh, where are we?”

“Why, the moon, of course.”

“What moon?”

“The green moon of Alternia.”

Rose broke in again. “And where, pray tell, is that?”

Doc Scratch considered this for a second. “What reference point would you like? I fear none of them would mean anything to you. Suffice it to say, we are very far from Earth.”

“And why did you choose to build your school at the end of the universe?” Rose asked.

“I wished to keep it away from prying eyes. Do you not find it a peaceful learning environment? I can move it if you’d like.”

“So you made this place?” Jade said, voice awestruck.

“To which place do you refer? The academy, or the moon? Let me answer you pre-emptively: yes. I created both.”

“Wait, hold up,” Dave suddenly found his voice again. “You made a motherfucking _planet_?”

“I told you I was a powerful man, did I not, David?”

“Okay, if you are all-knowing like you said you are then you sure as hell should know my full name isn’t David.”

Rose steamed ahead, speaking over her brother. “Never mind that. How did we get our powers?”

“Why, how does one acquire a talent?”

“Don’t act coy,” Rose snapped. “I thought you were going to answer my questions?”

“Indeed I was. Let’s see. In a sense, you were born with them. But the burden of advancement has always rested on your nubile young shoulders.”

“Nubile?” Rose said, disgusted.

Doc Scratch went on, undeterred. “So, yes, you were born with powers; but the powers you end up with will be very different to the powers that you were born with. It will be magnificent.” He delicately rested his chin on his hands. “Is that answer enough for you?”

“No. I’m not finished yet.” She paused. “What about the upperclassmen? Care to explain that?”

He tilted his head, wearing an unconvincing look of puzzlement. “The upperclassmen? What about them? They are of very little importance in this story.”

 

Rose opened and shut her mouth. Scratch cut in before she could regain her wits.

“If you are quite finished, it’s my turn now. As agreed, you now have to answer a question of my own.” He steepled his fingers, surveying their faces for a moment before refocussing his attention on Rose. “Let’s say you met an insurmountable foe. Immortal. Omnipotent. Charismatic.” With a slight raise of his eyebrows, he leant forward. “How would you defeat them?”

Rose was silent for a long time. Then her mouth twisted into a sneer. “Is this a trick question? You said yourself that this hypothetical enemy is insurmountable. Defeating them is, by definition, impossible.”

Scratch smiled broadly. “An interesting answer. I disagree.”

 

He stood up, checking his watch, and then bid them all adieu in a leisurely manner, promising to see them again in two weeks’ time. When Rose tried to stop him, angry that no ‘power-tuning’ had occurred, he simply pointed out – correctly – that the lesson had ended.

“How are we supposed to advance our powers like this?” Rose snapped to a Doc Scratch who was halfway out the door. “We haven’t learned anything!”

He laughed, and left them with a single mystifying message: “You must relax, little girl. The future will unravel itself as it sees fit, regardless of how you feel about it.”

 

 

After that, the days passed in a bizarrely normal way. As expected, Scratch didn’t appear again before the promised time.

Every lunchbreak, Dave would practice his time powers on the roof of the conservatory. Although he still couldn’t fast-forward time to make the apple rot like the Handmaid had, he slowly managed to hone his concentration enough to stop time – completely and indefinitely. As an act of smug victory, he used his newfound powers to make John think his shitty harlequin dolls were haunted by moving them around while his back was turned.

Rose knitted Kanaya a cosy for her sewing needles and called it an act of ‘passive-aggressive one-upmanship’. Kanaya designed and sewed Rose an elaborate black and purple evening gown and claimed it was ‘Just What [She] Would Do For Any Friend’. Vriska continually got in trouble for turning the sinks in the girls’ communal bathrooms blue during her weekly hair-dying sessions. Tavros and Dave finally got round to having their rap battle, and it was so terrible that everyone who witnessed it immediately repressed the memory. Especially Dave.

 

A change occurred one evening because of a flippant comment made by one of the upperclassmen.

That upperclassman was Cronus Ampora, a pretentious greaser who always sported an unlit cigarette after reading one too many John Green novels. He was unpopular with his own year group, so he chose to hang around in the younger kids’ common room despite the fact that he was unpopular there too.

The comment was this: “Wait, so you’re meaning to tell me that it’s been almost a whole month and the lot of youse haven’t even played the old pillow-in-the-bed trick and then slipped out the window for a few illicit rounds of Never Have I Ever on the romantic moon beach with the waves all a-washin’ and the stars all a-shinin’?”

“Uh, sorry?” said Vriska. “What the hell are you talking about? Like ever?”

Cronus sighed. “So that’s a no, then. Lame. We snuck out on our first week here.”

This, predictably, spurred Vriska on. She gathered the lot of them together in John and Dave’s room, and made a plan. “That’s it. If even that friendless goon has managed to sneak out of the dorms, then it’s a matter of goddamn principle! We’re having a magical superpower kids beach party _tonight_ and no later.”

Surprisingly, Kanaya expressed immediate support for the idea. “I must say it does sound rather fun to me. As a child I read a particular series of books about a remote girls’ boarding school in which it was something of a rite of passage to have a midnight feast of pickled herrings and ginger beer.”

Vriska rolled her eyes. “Yeah, no. I’ll say it straight up: if you bring a tin of pickled herrings then I’m kicking you out.”

“I can zap over some snacks from the kitchens easy-peasy!” Jade said cheerfully.

“And I could carry people out their windows so we don’t get caught going down the stairs,” John offered.

“Yessssssss! Team, this mission is a go!”

 

Plans were made. All day everyone in the lower year walked around like they were guarding a national secret. Ms Paint was saddened by the fact that her darling children seemed to be hiding something from her. The excited whispers got so bad in Business class that Redglare threatened to start doling out capital punishment.

By the time the grandfather clock in the hall struck midnight that night, all of them were awake and ready.

 

Nepeta was on lookout duty at the top of the stairs, using her super-senses to listen for any movement in Snowman’s office. Vriska had put Deuce and Droog to sleep at their posts, and set up a completely unnecessary walkie-talkie system between herself and John, who she referred to as the ‘Team Leaders’. Her codename was ‘The Marquise’, and his was ‘Eagle One’.

Careful to be silent, John carried each person out of their dorm window. The only two exceptions were Dave, who simply used his powers to stop time and walked down to the beach ahead of everyone else, and Karkat, who refused so vehemently to be princess-carried that he subjected himself to dangerously climbing down the side of the mansion while John nervously hovered beside him, ready to catch him if he slipped.

Everyone waited, gathered on the beach with a cargo of blankets and chip packets, wincing against the cold. The only person who didn’t show was Gamzee.

 

“Well?” Karkat said once he finally made it to the rocky bank where the rest of them had gathered, complete with fresh scrapes and bruises. “Here we are, Vriska. Was this really worth losing sleep over?”

To one side, the grey sea was completely still, two pink moons reflecting off its surface. Only half the sky was filled with stars because the other half was blocked by Alternia’s hulking planetary mass. Jade, Rose and Kanaya were sitting together with the picnic basket under a withered tree, chattering. Tavros was struggling to control his wheelchair in the sand. Feferi and Aradia had immediately disappeared off together to try and find a graveyard after marvelling over the former’s ability to bring a rotting gull back to life, then wondering if there were any larger specimens around for experimentation.

Vriska rolled her eyes. “Pipe down, windbag! The night is young, after all! Only six minutes old, to be specific.” She grinned, and started to dig through the inside pockets of her grotty denim jacket. “Plus, you didn’t think I would show up empty-handed, did you?”

“Vriska! Where did you get that?”

“What, you loooooooosers never seen whiskey before?”

“Of course we’ve seen whiskey before.” Dave said. “That ain’t the surprising thing here. There aren’t exactly any corner stores around for – well, anywhere on this planet, as far as I can tell. And even if there were, I don’t know what the legal drinking age is on the moon.”

“Me and John nabbed this back when we broke into the prefects’ office. Slick had a whole wall of them, so I doubt he’d notice one bottle missing.” She grinned even wider, shaking it back and forth. “Hm, well, I guess I didn't take just _one_. But whatever! Who’s up for some spin the bottle?”

 

They were sixteen, so nobody said no.

Everyone formed a circle. Dave somehow got himself stuck between Equius and Tavros, a position from which he could feel his street cred draining. The bottle was opened and passed around before the game began.

When it got to Dave, for some reason he just pretended to take a swig and then passed it on. Nobody noticed except Rose, who didn’t say anything, but did practically down half the contents when the whiskey was offered to her.

“What the hell, Rose!” Vriska snapped, snatching the bottle away.

“Sorry, Vriska,” Rose said, grimacing at the taste. She glanced fleetingly at Kanaya beside her. “I simply have a feeling that I’m going to need some liquid courage to get through tonight. And my feelings are rarely wrong.”

As soon as the game started, Dave sat there dreading the moment the bottle would inevitably land on him, but luckily it never came. Nepeta landed on Terezi, and they shared an enthusiastic kiss. Then Terezi kissed an apathetic Sollux. Sollux landed on Tavros and kissed him on the side of the mouth, muttering something about Feferi not being there to see. A very embarrassed Tavros kissed Jade. Jade give John a sibling kiss on the cheek. John muttered an apology to Rose as he pecked Kanaya. Kanaya was mortified when she landed on Vriska, and the kiss they shared was so brief that it was called into question whether they even touched at all.

Vriska seemed to get increasingly agitated as the game wore on. It only worsened when she landed on Eridan and chose to remove an item of clothing rather than have to touch him. (She took off her shoes.)

Halfway through, Terezi – who, for some reason, had removed her shirt despite not turning down a single kiss – paused, and said, “Wait… Vriska. Are you trying to mind control the bottle?”

Though she had been poised to spin again, Vriska froze. “What?”

Terezi concentrated, eyes narrowing for a second, then broke out into a fit of laughter. “You were! I can feel it! You’ve been trying to use your powers to get it to land on John!”

“That is not true!” Vriska shouted, turning red.

“Vriska, it’s very unfair to use your powers in a party game,” Kanaya said primly. “And it also defeats the point of the random selection somewhat.”

“Uh. That’s… huh. Vriska?” John said, looking deeply uncomfortable. After a beat of silence from the other, he grabbed the bottle from the center of the circle, unscrewed the cap, and took a deep swig. Then he quickly replaced and spun it, avoiding Vriska’s eyes as much as she was avoiding his. “Eridan. You have to kiss Rose!”

“I’ll forfeit this one,” Rose said as Eridan quickly rose up on his knees at the chance. She unwound her scarf and dumped it behind her. “There. Is it my turn to spin?”

She reached out, and did just that. They all watched with bated breath as it landed perfectly on Kanaya.

 

 _Nice one, sis,_ Dave thought as the two girls looked at each other with raised eyebrows. _That’s about the smoothest way you could’ve nabbed yourself a first kiss with her._

“Well, would you look at that?” Rose said thoughtfully.

“Indeed,” Kanaya said. “By which I mean, uh. Fuck. Yes, I. Would look at that.”

Unhesitating, Rose moved forward, putting a hand on the side of Kanaya’s face and leaning in. But, for some reason, Kanaya flinched at the touch, her eyes flickering over to Vriska, who was watching the two with a smirk on her face.

Rose seemed to notice Kanaya’s nervousness. She paused, and shot a scowl in Vriska’s direction. When she tilted her head again, it was much more slowly this time, and the kiss she gave Kanaya was very gentle. Once she pulled away, Kanaya covered her face with her hands.

“Aww!” Vriska said with a sardonic grin, then mimed throwing up. “Urgh! I’m bored of this game already. I didn’t come here to see people smooching like a married couple saying goodbye in front of the kids!” She clapped her hands. “Right! Let’s play Truth or Dare instead. And we’re switching seats! Being this close to Eridan is ruining my night.”

 

The circle was re-shuffled. This time, Dave ended up in the even more unfortunate position of having Terezi on one side and Karkat on the other. He felt like the Iron Curtain itself. Each one was pointedly using him as a means to block the other from view.

“Dave! You’re up first!”

 _Oh, shit._ While Dave had been busy festering in the awkwardness of the ex-couple forming the bread to the avoidance sandwich he was currently an unwilling part of, the bottle had finally landed on him.

“Truth or dare?”

 _All I have to do is answer a question, right?_ “Let’s go truth. I’m an open book, baby.”

“Who here would you most like to make out with?” Vriska asked.

Dave grimaced, then looked around the circle. _Okay, well, Rose is discounted for obvious reasons. Guess I’d better cross Kanaya off, too, unless I want to wake up to a knitting needle in the eye. Jade is cute but it’ll make things weird between us if I say her, so…_

_Aradia and Feferi are safe bets since they’re not here, but they’re also both creepy and I’ve never exchanged more than three words with either of them. Nepeta’s nice enough but she kind of smells like cat litter and kills stuff really often and Equius would probably try and defend her honor if I made out with her. Vriska’s a hard pass._

_Terezi? Man, I’ll start a fistfight if I say Terezi here. But it’s probably the truest answer. And also the only one left by process of elimination._

_That is, unless I take the dudes into consideration –_

“I’m thinking that dare sounds pretty good after all.”

Vriska sighed. “Booooooooring. Okay. Switch clothes with Rose.”

“Why am I getting dragged into this?” Rose said. “It’s not even my turn.”

“You heard the man, Rose,” Dave said, standing up. He was overcome with relief at having successfully avoided yet another romantic entanglement. “Swapsies it is.”

 

Ten minutes later the twins re-emerged from the thicket of trees. Dave’s lack of a waist meant that he was having to hold up the skirt, while his sister had given up on properly buttoning his skinny jeans. Since they were gone, Equius’ hair had gotten plaited, and Vriska was currently trying to force Tavros to attempt a cartwheel. It wasn’t going well.

“This is ridiculous,” Karkat groaned as Dave settled himself back into his spot, having to shuffle to keep Rose’s sneakers from falling off the tips of his enormous feet. “You know what? I’d rather shove my head up my ass and chew my own duodenum loose than endure another second sober in this goddamn game.”

“Whoa, hey there, dude, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not sober and actually, you’ve definitely had enough.” Dave said, grabbing Karkat’s hand as he reached out to take the bottle for what must have been the fourth time in ten minutes. Karkat, like John, seemed to be taking the route of trying to induce an alcoholic blackout instead of dealing with things.

Dave couldn’t really blame him. He had seemed glum ever since the argument with Terezi. At least he, like Dave, had been spared the humiliation of a forced classmate smooch during the previous game, and also seemed to be escaping the bottle’s spin-based wrath this game so far.

Karkat glared at him, snatching his hand back. “How about you keep that nose where it belongs? Which is to say, propping up those ridiculous sunglasses.”

Dave sighed. Oddly enough, he had been somewhat pleased to end up sitting next to Karkat, since the guy was one of the few people he had actually managed to develop some kind of a relationship with since entering the school, even if it was antagonistic. _Ah well. Should’ve known better to expect anything more than bickering from a conversation with Vantas._ “Man, will you ever lay off on the shades? We get it, I wear protective eyewear.”

(He hadn’t given Rose his shades, despite the outfit swap. He refused on principle.)

“Maybe when you stop wearing them by _piss-shitting moonlight_. It’s past midnight, how can you fucking see?” Karkat’s speech was becoming slightly garbled, and Dave didn’t even have to use his time powers to intercept the sloppy grab that was made for his glasses.

“Sorry, no can do.” He handed Karkat’s hands back to him. Or, at least, he tried to, but Karkat wouldn’t let go. Now they were just aggressively holding hands. “Anyway, you never know, moonlight can be bright enough to require shades. Shit, can we even really call it moonlight if we’re _on_ the moon? There are other moons in the sky, I guess. Those pink ones. Moonslight? Or is it just light? I guess all light is moonlight when you’re on the moon.”

“Stop babbling about nothing!” Karkat tried to say, but he slurred it badly enough that all the syllables came out in the wrong order. He clicked his tongue in annoyance, and tried again. And again.

“Yeah, I’m definitely cutting you off,” Dave said as Karkat gave up on speaking and tried to reach for the bottle instead. Now it was Dave who was refusing to let go of his hands, forcing them into an awkward tactile struggle as Karkat persisted, stretching their joined hands to the limit in the direction of the already-spinning bottle.

“What fucking right do you have to do that?” Karkat snapped, trying to shake Dave off. “Wasn’t it you who said, not so long ago, ‘you’re not my dad’? Well you’re not the hell my dad either.”

“Yeah, nobody’s anyone’s daddy here,” Dave agreed. He couldn’t help but notice that Karkat’s squirming body was warm against him. It wasn’t often he felt that. “But I think I do have some right since I’m the guy who has to sit next to you. And not only that, but your bedroom is right beside mine and our beds share a wall so it’ll probably wake me up if you’re blowing chunks all night. So yeah, I think I definitely get a say in this. Hell, if there were a Vantas Proximity Meter, I would be way the fuck up there. Especially right now, since we’re basically poised to dance the tango. Just look at us. If this were a wrestling move they’d call it the Strugglesnuggle. If you threw up now, I would be covered head to toe. And that would suck, I’ve seen how much you’re capable of vomiting before, remember? It’s impressive, but sure as hell not pretty.”

“Go die,” Karkat growled. “If I want to alter my mental state to escape this terrible game, which is the only sane option, by the way, who are you to stop me, vomit or no vomit? You’ll just have to fucking _deal_ – ”

“Karkat!”

 

Both of them looked up. Vriska was pointing at them. The bottle was also pointing at them.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Karkat slumped back down, disentangling his hand from Dave’s. “Urrgh. I thought the gods were going to smile on me just once, but apparently not. Go on, then. Line me up, blindfold me and fire away.”

“Was that a ‘truth’ I heard?” Vriska said with a shit-eating grin.

“Sure, whatever.”

Vriska put her hands on her hips. “Tell us your power!”

Everyone was suddenly paying attention.

“Yeah, Karkat!” Nepeta chirped. “Don’t’cha think it’s time you told us? We’re all friends here!”

“Let’s try and guess!” Jade said, grinning. “Is it shapeshifting? Healing? Invisibility?”

“I bet you don’t even _have_ one,” Vriska said with a sigh. “That’s why you’re so determined to keep your mouth shut about it.”

“I so do!” Karkat retorted. “You think Doc Scratch would’ve actually let me in without a power, you heinous bitch?”

“Well then, what is it? Think of this as me doing you a favor, actually,” Vriska said, leaning back on her bony elbows. “You can tell us now, with some dignity, or we’ll find out by ourselves because there’s _no way_ you can hide it for much longer. Your choice.”

“Then I choose the option that doesn’t involve playing into your hands like a gullible fucking chump,” Karkat snarled. “Dare!”

Defeated, Vriska threw her hands in the air. “Ugh, y’all are such weenies! The second we get close to revealing something interesting you flake out.” She sighed. “Fine, whatever. Sit in Dave’s lap.”

...

_“What!?”_

“Oh, don’t act so scandalised. The two of you were practically cuddling a couple of minutes ago, it’s not like this is any worse.”

Dave and Karkat looked at each other, newly uncomfortable.

“And no backing out!” Vriska added. “If you refuse to do this too, then the forfeit is taking a dip in the ocean. I haven’t tried it yet, but it looks about as warm as the abominable snowman’s frigid dick! So get cosy.”

The two of them looked at each other again.

“Uh, how are we gonna do this?” Dave said. “Maybe if I – Hm. You know, I’ve been told my legs are quite bony – ”

 

“Oh for god’s sake!” Karkat snapped, and then unrelentingly deposited all 55 kilograms of himself into Dave’s lap. Dave groaned.

“You could’ve given me some warning. My phone was in my pocket.”

“Just shut it!”

From behind, Dave could see that the shell of Karkat’s ear was very red. He briefly considered blowing on it, just to tease him, but decided against that when he realised how easy it would be to get elbowed in the gut in this position. Unsure of what to do with his hands – _should I… put them around him? Cuddle? Might save that idea for later. For ironic purposes. Even though it’ll definitely get me punched._ – Dave pressed them on the ground behind him.

There was a silence between them that lasted just a few seconds too long. _Why is he acting like this is weird? This isn’t weird. There’s nothing weird about platonic dudely contact. Shit, next he’ll be acting like there’s something homoerotic about pro wrestling._

Dave quickly decided to break the quiet himself.

“Hey Karkat,” he said, leaning forward to speak in his ear and making the other boy jump. “It’ll be our little secret, but when I was in bed last night I could hear you watching 27 dresses three times in a row through the wall.”

Karkat made a move to get up.

“If you give in before I say so you forfeit!” Vriska yelled. Karkat slumped down again, making Dave wheeze.

“So what if I did?” he muttered.

“Gotta say, I was kinda surprised when I heard the opening song play for the second time, but the third time was really the kicker. I would’ve assumed you’d just gone out and accidentally left the DVD on autoplay if I hadn’t been able to hear you mumbling commentary to yourself through all three viewings.”

“It was that kind of a night!” Karkat snapped. “And for your information, it _did_ start autoplaying after the first time, but I just thought _why the fuck not, life is finite and pointless and mind-numbingly boring anyway_ , and let it run two more times.”

“You could’ve come next door and played Crash Bandicoot with us if you were that bored.”

Karkat barked a laugh. “Yeah, Strider, I’m sure I would’ve been very welcome in your posse! I’m sure my presence was totally desired, nay, _longed for_ , and that the mere act of me showing my miserable face in the doorway wouldn’t have caused instant – ”

 

He stopped. They had both forgotten that Terezi was sitting right beside them. She had her head turned away, laughing over something with Tavros, but it was obvious by her uncomfortable posture that she had been listening.

Dave felt Karkat also go rigid on his lap, tensing up as if furiously wanting to curl in on himself. His shoulders were hunched and jaw set. _Fuck, now it’s awkward again. Goddamn Vriska. This conversation would’ve been agonising enough even if he wasn’t perched on my thighs like a lapdog._

_Urgh, this is the fucking worst. I’ve gotta do something._

Some kinda idea came into Dave’s head and he immediately went with it. He sighed and then leaned forward to wrap his arms around Karkat, nuzzling his face into the back of his itchy sweater. _Shh only cuddles now._

 

That idea worked about as well as expected. Karkat leapt about five feet in the air and stood up, scandalised. “You – You – !”

“What?”

“If you ever do that again I’ll bite your nose off so help me God!”

“I didn’t do anything,” Dave said, raising his hands in innocence but making no attempt to force the grin off his face. “Are you sure you didn’t just imagine it?”

“Ha ha, very funny! Look, I know it must be hard to resist snuggling up to me like I’m your beloved pet ferret or some shit, but how about you consider keeping your wandering hands to yourself!”

 

Looking over at Vriska, Dave found that she was too distracted trying to strong-arm John into some dare he looked monumentally uncomfortable with to call out Karkat’s disregard for the rules. Oh well. Looked like they were both spared the forfeit, then.

He turned his attention back to Karkat, who was still standing rigid in front of him. He looked unreasonably upset, and was red-faced and breathing heavily. Something about that made Dave feel weird.

“Hm, sorry, what was that?” he said, trying to reorient himself to their conversation. “Oh right, no joking cuddles allowed. Your body is a temple. Got it.”

Karkat snapped. His snarl showed his lower canines, and Dave noticed that they were particularly pointed. _Whoa. Like a dog._ “No, my body is a fucking exclusive treehouse to which you are not invited.”

“Aw, what the hell?” Dave leaned back, smiling. _This is more like it._ “Don’t I even get a chance to guess the password?”

But for some reason that made Karkat totally freak out, turning red enough that he looked damn near explosion. “Strider, how many times do I have to tell you that I’m not. Interested!”

Despite a sudden yell from Vriska, who had just now noticed that they weren’t going along with her dare, he turned on his heel and stalked off.

 

Dave sat there for a second, stunned, and then called after him. “Where are you even going?”

But it was too late. Karkat was already halfway down the beach, hands jammed firmly into his pockets. The moonlight was bright on his head of dark, messy curls.

 

“Don’t worry about him.” A voice came from his left. “He’s just throwing one of his shitfits ‘cause you surprised him. He’ll get over it as soon as you forget it happened.”

“Oh.” He turned to meet Terezi’s gaze.

Unlike Dave, she had taken her glasses off, and now her unnervingly long-lashed eyes were visible, complete with blank white irises. Someone must've forced her to put her clothes back on, because she was wearing a tacky sweater with a reindeer on the front even though it was September, and smiling. He was suddenly relieved to be faced with someone who didn’t kick up a fuss at every little thing.

“Rezi. Hey.”

“Hey yourself, stranger.” She raised an eyebrow. “That squiddles shirt suits you. The skirt, not so much.”

“Hm?” Dave looked down at himself. Throughout that whole debacle, he had forgotten that he had even switched outfits with Rose. “Oh. Thanks. But I think I’d look fresh as hell in this skirt if it were the right size.”

“Mmm-hm. You’ve got the legs for it.” It didn’t sound like she was joking. Her gaze, raking him up and down, was predatory. _Seriously, how much can she actually see –_

“But, y’know, I do think it's a real shame you took the clothes-swapping dare instead of answering Vriska’s question,” she said suddenly, resting her chin on her hand.

“What?” Dave said, and then remembered, like a lightning bolt to the stomach, what Terezi’s power was.

She grinned as he realised, showing her sharklike teeth. “Yep. Hehe. So. I heard you consider me preeeetty seriously, just then. For makeout purposes.”

“Uh, look, Terezi, I – ”

 

He didn’t have to explain himself because suddenly the circle erupted into mayhem.

“BRISKA, I don’t care, I’ll do the f – the forfeit!” John was yelling, staggering up to his feet. He was, by this point, disgustingly drunk. Ever the responsible friend despite her own drunkenness, Rose was beside him trying to hold him back, but he knocked her away and made a sudden dash off the rock shelf towards the shore.

“Wh – What the hell is he doing?” Dave yelled, suddenly on his feet. Karkat, who was the only one off standing on the beach, had turned and (though confused) seemed ready to intercept John like a football player.

“’m going for a SWIM, Dave!” John yelled in response, and then the wind picked up in that unnatural way and his feet lifted off the ground. They all watched in horror as John Egbert performed an impressive midair dive and disappeared into the ocean with a splash.

“Fucking John!”

“Oh my god, someone go get him! He’s so wasted he’s forgotten how to _walk_ , just think how bad he must be at _swimming_ – ”

Dave was already running. Rose’s skirt proved to be a hindrance, though, so he shucked it off and completed the journey in just his boxers. He shot back a jaunty wave when he heard Terezi wolf-whistle.

 

It was only when he was knee-deep that he realised Karkat had beat him to the punch in the Egbert Recovery Mission.

“You’re so lucky this shit is shallow,” Karkat growled, wading forward and hauling John upwards by his hood. The action made him choke slightly, and go green. “No way I would’ve risked my ass dredging your useless corpse from the bottom of the ocean.”

“I… Don’t feel… great…” John said, struggling upright with Karkat’s help. He was soaked through, and breathing heavily like he was holding back the urge to vomit.

“If you were so desperate not to kiss Vriska you could’ve just said so dude,” Dave pointed out, taking hold of John’s sleeve and supporting his other side. “You didn’t need to go all Jack from Titanic on our asses. Little known fact: refusing to go along with some bullshit in Truth or Dare doesn’t result in death.”

Karkat stared. “Is that really what this was about? Vriska kisses?” 

John winced.

“Yep.” Dave said.

Karkat groaned deeply. “Do we enjoy causing romantic problems for ourselves? Is that what that whole game was about? Just a reason to get unnecessarily tangled up in one another’s business?”

“Let GO, it’s freezing!” John shouted, abruptly ripping his arms out of their grip and staggering by himself. Before either of them had time to think, he had kicked off and shot up in the air about a yard.

“FUCK!” Karkat was knocked off-balance by John’s breeze and fell over, selfishly grabbing Dave’s (Rose’s) shirt on the way down and taking him along for the ride. 

Dave shouted in surprise as he ended up on his hands and knees in the freezing cold water. In bare legs.

Admittedly, Karkat got it worse. He fell on his back, underneath Dave, who snickered as he raised his wet head from the surface, spluttering. His sweater was soaked.

The only way the situation could’ve been any shittier was if a big wave had swept over them both. But the sea stayed calm. The only breeze was the residual one that John (now safely ashore, collapsed on his back with Rose standing over him) had caused. It smelled faintly salty.

 

“Whoo!” Vriska yelled from the shore, apparently having recovered from her recent rejection enough to be obnoxious again. “Hey, boys! They say if you do it in the sea you don’t need lube!”

Dave looked down. _Oh yeah. I guess I am kind of pinning him down._ “Sorry, dude,” he said, kneeling up and offering a hand. “Didn’t mean to fall on top of you like that. But if you didn’t want me to, you shouldn’t have grabbed me. So really you’re to blame here.”

Although he was expecting it to get slapped away, Karkat begrudgingly took his hand, and the two of them pulled themselves up, shivering. To Dave’s horror, he found that sand had wormed its way into his boxers.

As they silently picked their way back to shore, Dave shot a glance over at the wet and miserable boy beside him.

His hair and heavy eyebrows had been mussed up by the saltwater. Dave had never noticed how thick Karkat’s hair was until it was wet; it was all curly at his nape and above his ears. Now damp, the front was so long it kept flopping down into his eyes in a way that was clearly irritating him - even in profile, Dave could tell that his lips were twisted in displeasure. He watched him fruitlessly try to wring out a handful of his sweater.

“Your nipples are showing through that shirt,” Karkat snapped, interrupting Dave’s little moment.

He looked down, fighting the urge to cross his hands over his chest. “It’s cold.”

 

“Hey, hey!”

To Dave’s dismay, as the two surfaced, it was Eridan who came running down the beach with something draped over one arm.

“You must be freezing,” he said as he slowed to a stop. “Here, take this.” He held out the jacket – that stupid purple bridge coat he always wore – in Karkat's direction, with a smile that was definitely somewhat flirtatious. Or at least hopeful. He was completely ignoring Dave, who didn’t know whether to be relieved or offended.

“Oh. Thanks, Eridan.” Karkat gratefully accepted, shrugging the thing on with Eridan’s help. “You sure this is okay? This coat looks pretty expensive. I don’t want to fuck it up.”

“No problem, Kar. I got plenty more. C’mon.”

 

The three of them made their way back to the group, with Dave trailing behind slightly. His sister raised her eyebrows when he unrepentantly handed over her skirt, covered in sand, and then made to remove her squiddles t-shirt.

“No, keep it on,” she said, grabbing his bicep to stop him. “I’m sure you’ve already got pneumonia by now, but there’s no sense in taking away the last tiny bit of warmth you’ve provided for yourself.”

“Why, if only some handsome man would give _me_ his outerwear,” Dave said with a wistful sigh. Eridan looked over, frowning a little.

“I only got one coat, Strider.”

“In case you were wondering, John passed out a couple of minutes ago,” Rose said, indicating to a slumped pile in the sand. “I put him in the recovery position so he doesn’t choke on his own tongue, but I have no doubt that you’re in for a sleepless night, Dave. My solemn prediction is that that some Jack Daniels will definitely be making a reappearance in the not-so-distant future.” She paused, frowning. “…Karkat? Is something wrong?”

 

They all looked over. Karkat had stiffened up in his position under Eridan’s arm and was staring, wide-eyed. He looked around them frantically. He seemed to be searching for something.

“There’s someone here,” he said.

“What?” Despite herself, Rose looked around, too. “What do you mean? There are many of us here, but I feel like that’s not what you’re – ”

Karkat’s eyes got wider, and he shook Eridan’s arm off. “There it is again! Every time Rose speaks! It – ”

“Hey!”

There was a thud. When they all looked, they saw a trail of footprints appearing in the sand, running back in the direction of the school.

Instead of chasing, they all looked on dumbly as the footprints grew distant, then disappeared from sight. A soft wind came and blew them away.

“Now what the hell was that?” Dave voiced all of their thoughts, but nobody was able to answer.

Rose groaned, sitting down heavily. “I’m too drunk for shenanigans.”

 

 

Luckily for her, after that unexplained weirdness, the ‘Magical Superpower Kids Beach Party’ petered out until it became basically depressing. 

With John out for the count, Vriska was in a bad mood and had taken her stolen booze bottle back so nobody could play any games. Jade was buzzed and kissing everyone on the cheek. The two sips of alcohol had caused Nepeta to fall asleep, so Equius was carrying her around everywhere on his back like a baby koala.

It was about 4am by the time Aradia and Feferi showed back up, gleefully towing along with them a shambling monstrosity. Jade, Dave and Rose, who had all been taking it in turns to watch over John, reflexively scrambled to their feet and backed away.

“We found a carapacian graveyard about three miles off!” Feferi reported. It was very strange to see a girl with a tutu skirt and plastic jewellery proudly standing next to a creature made of decomposing flesh. “Meet our new class pet!”

“We constructed it from several different corpses,” Aradia added, a slight smile on her features. “Don’t worry. I asked permission from each soul first.”

“You don’t need to be scared. She’s SUPER FRIENDLY!”

“She’s so perfect,” Eridan said wistfully. His arm was still around Karkat, somehow, though the other had tried several times to pointedly shrug it off. At first, Dave thought he was talking about the meat monster, but then: “Powerful _and_ morbid. Man. When will she finally see we were made for each other?”

“Pull your head out of your stinking ass, Prince Desperation,” Sollux hissed, appearing out of nowhere. “Isn’t it enough that you’ve been cosying up to Karkat for the past hour like the world’s most needy slut? Do you really have to start going after my girlfriend the second she shows her face?”

“That was flirting?” Karkat said, mystified. He pulled away, shucking Eridan's coat off. “Hell no. Come on, dude, can you ever just act like a _normal, decent_ person for once without it being – ”

Feferi brightened up when she saw her boyfriend, running over to them. “Hey Sol! Look what I made!”

“Babe, I love your creepy hobbies.” He accepted an enthusiastic kiss on the cheek, leaving him with an imprint of fuchsia lipstick. “Well, I don’t, but I love you. And that’s good enough.”

“Aw!”

“What the hell, Fef,” Eridan broke in, looking devastated. “I’ve _always_ supported your dark necromancies since the two of us were just little kidlets and I never got so much of a word of thanks for it. Why are you accepting scraps from _this_ bozo? What does he have that I don’t?”

“Wow. That was really pathetic.” Sollux snorted. “What _do_ I have that you don’t, I wonder? Some dignity, maybe?”

As the two faced off in a familiar way, tell-tale crackles started appearing around both of their fists, clenched at their sides.

“Wait!” Feferi yelled, alarmed, from between them. “No powers!”

“Alright then,” Sollux said, and punched Eridan square in the jaw.

 

“Oh brother,” Jade said as a full-on brawl started taking place. “I thought we were done with this.”

“Guys stop!” Nepeta yelled. She was suddenly awake and on her feet. “There’s someone coming, I can smell it!”

Sure enough, a light flashed on in one of the lower windows of the mansion, and there was a very distant sound of a door slamming.

“Shit, shiiiit,” Dave looked around as everyone started panicking, even those who had just been mid-brawl. There was nowhere to hide – only flat sand, and a thicket about half a mile away. They would be spotted before they could even run.

And, sure enough –

“Goddamn it! It’s Slick!”

– none of them could hide in time. A furious figure in a black hat was tearing across the sand towards them with killing intent.

“Oh no, Dave! What do we do?” Jade shouted, grabbing his arm. “He’s gonna give us all detention! I’ve never gotten detention before! I mean I’ve never been to school before, I was always home-schooled by grandpa but – uh!”

Panicking, she clenched her fists and shut her eyes, and before Dave could answer, there was a pop and a flash of green light and she was gone.

“There you are!” Slick was upon them. “Out of your fucking dorms at night, all of you, unbelievable! And not only that, but you went and put Deuce and Droog to sleep, and – hey!” He glared at Vriska, who was holding the now-empty bottle. “Is that from my collection? That’s it. You are all _so fucked_.”

 

 

Whatever sun existed on this strange planet was just rising by the time Dave and John returned to their dorm, thoroughly chewed out and sobered up and exhausted. Cronus tried to high-five them on the stairs, but they all just walked right past.

When they reached their room, Jade was sitting there on the bed, bathed in the new sunlight coming in from the window. She looked stunned.

“Harley, move.” Dave said. “Love you and all, but if I don’t get some shuteye before class starts then I’m gonna turn into Leatherface.”

Apparently not listening, Jade looked down at her hands in amazement. Then, suddenly, a grin erupted onto her face. “Did you see that? I did it! I’ve been trying to do it for years but I never could and just now I paid attention to what the Dolorosa said about focussing on the nature of space and I finally did it!”

“That’s nice, Jade,” Dave said, grabbing his blankets and flopping onto the floor to sleep. “The rest of us got detention.”


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, it was announced that, due to some ‘appalling student misconduct’, Slick would replace Deuce as the head of the boys’ wing.

“This is such bull,” Vriska muttered, resting her head on the desk. It was lunchtime, but they were all locked in the billiard room as punishment for sneaking out. Each one of them had to write a 500-word essay on why they were sorry and wouldn’t do it again.

Snowman didn’t look up from her filing. “No talking, Miss Serket, or I’ll reset the timer. Then we’ll all be stuck in here for even longer. Would you like that?”

Vriska groaned. It had been half an hour, but she hadn’t touched her paper yet. “You know damn well I wouldn’t like that, you terrible bitch, so why are you even asking?”

Snowman reset the timer. “Well, would you look at that.”

They all started protesting furiously, but then Snowman’s finger moved over to the reset button again, so they quickly shut up.

 

Bored out of his skull, Dave looked around himself.

Across the aisle, Terezi had her head on the desk and was using the barrier of her glasses to take a nap, while Kanaya wrote studiously in cursive that looked like it belonged to a 15th-century scribe. John kept excusing himself to go to the toilet, for obvious reasons. Rose had finished her essay, which was footnoted and cited MLA style and signed and stamped at the bottom with her own custom wax seal in a show of passive-aggressiveness that amazed even Dave. She was now getting some of her knitting done under the table.

Karkat was sitting a few seats in front of him, chewing on the end of his pen in thought. His essay was even longer than Rose’s, though that may have just been due to his enormous sloppy handwriting.

 

Resting his chin on his hand, Dave watched Karkat write for a minute. He held his pen in a tightly-clenched fist, like a baton. No wonder his handwriting was so shitty.

Formulating an idea for a way to pass the time, Dave tore a little scrap of paper of the corner of his already-completed essay and scribbled a note in red pen.

 

hey dude why are you drafting war and peace over there its not like slick is actually going to read any of these

 

He was about to throw it, but then he remembered he could just freeze time and calmly drop it on Karkat’s desk, so he did that instead.

Once he unpaused, Snowman looked up as if she had sensed some disturbance, narrowing her eyes when she saw him sitting innocently in his seat, pen in hand, the very image of a model student. Though still obviously suspicious, she returned her attention to her paperwork.

 

It took Karkat a second to notice the note that had appeared on the desk. Dave got a moment’s amusement out of seeing him jump and then look around the room as if this was part of someone’s nefarious scheme before unfolding it.

 

Dave watched him read, and then screw the note up and shove it to the edge of his desk. _Ouch._

 _Right. Okay._ Dave clicked his pen and scrawled another note. _Guess who’s not letting up til he replies._

 

what the hell are you even writing there? what is there to write? how many words can you possibly waste on saying ‘im very sorry vriska made me sneak out at night ill be good in future so please dont spank me i would hate that wink wink’

 

This one got a reaction out of Karkat. He flipped it over and wrote his own response, then waited until a moment when Snowman wasn’t paying attention to turn around and lob the screwed-up note at Dave’s head. 

 

IF YOU WERE GOING TO USE YOUR TIME THING TO DELIVER THE NOTE, WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST READ IT OVER MY SHOULDER IF YOU’RE SO FUCKING CURIOUS?

 

Dave found it sort of amusing that he still wrote entirely in capitals even when he wasn’t texting. He thought briefly before coming up with his response.

 

didnt want to disrespect your privacy

 

Karkat let out a snort when he unfolded that note, which he quickly turned into a cough. 

 

JUST ADMIT IT. THAT NEVER OCCURRED TO YOU, DID IT? 

 

no

 

YOU FUCKING DORK.

 

After throwing that one (and almost getting caught by Snowman), Karkat turned back to his work with an ostentatious flourish, refusing to meet Dave’s eyes again.

Not lacking stubbornness, Dave tried another note.

 

hey so did you congratulate your best friend on getting to first base with my twin sister yet? good for them amirite. also i think this makes us inlaws now so welcome to the family i guess

 

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TALK THAT BADLY? ARE YOU THIS NEEDY? DON’T YOU HAVE AN ACTUAL FRIEND YOU CAN BOTHER?

 

i heard the disciple and the signless are dating do you think thats true 

 

YOU KNOW, IF YOU KEEP THIS CHARADE UP, THIS DETENTION SESSION IS GOING TO PASS EVEN MORE SLOWLY. FOR YOU IN PARTICULAR. BUT I GUESS THAT’S THE BURDEN YOU’LL HAVE TO BEAR FOR ABUSING YOUR TIME POWERS. NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP.

 

did you know jade finally managed to teleport her whole self away for the first time last night wow how interesting i know right thats just what i was thinking

 

YEAH, I KNOW THAT. IT’S WHY SHE’S NOT SITTING HERE IN DETENTION LIKE US UNFORTUNATE ASSHOLES.

 

Karkat flipped Dave the bird and mouthed, ‘FUCK OFF’ as he threw that message back. The scrap of paper was getting sort of crowded so Dave tore off a new, fresh piece for his next note.

 

are you cranky because you didnt get time to reread your beloved copy of fifty shades of grey before bed last night

 

Karkat didn’t even look at it. _Karkat why._

 

come on please humor me i thought we had something

 

remember truth or dare

 

good times right???

 

and when we pulled john out of the sea before his drunk ass drowned it was only last night you cant have forgotten that quickly

 

Karkat didn’t even read those ones, either, even though Dave made sure to draw a personalised Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic on the back. _Seriously, Karkat, step up to the plate here. Also that shit is eBay gold and you know it._

No luck.

 

dude seriously im so bored. if you can write that much on your apology essay then surely you can scribble a single line response to my antics over here

 

Finally, Karkat sighed, and unfolded the note, maybe because this time Dave had made sure to tuck it snugly into his free hand. It was gratifying to see him snigger at the comic, and when his response came, Dave noticed how he had been careful not to write over the drawings.

 

HOW ABOUT YOU JUST FOCUS ON GETTING RID OF YOUR RAGING BONER FROM HAVING ME SIT IN YOUR LAP.

 

you know i would love to but i still cant feel my lower body

 

FUCK YOU, I’M AS DAINTY AS A PETAL.

 

Somebody cleared their throat. Dave looked up from writing to see Snowman standing over his desk, an icy glare on her features.

“It looks like I just got two volunteers to help me sort the files in my office for the rest of the semester,” she said, crumpling up the note, comic and all. “Thanks, boys.”

Karkat slammed his head against the desk so hard that Terezi jolted awake. “Nice going, Strider!”

“No talking, Karkat, I made that explicitly clear,” Snowman said.

Everyone started yelling at once as she reset the timer again.

 

 

“Dave, wait.”

Rose caught him by the shoulder as the group finally escaped from detention three and a half hours later.

“What up?”

Other students coming out of the room continued to flow past them. “I need you to talk to Dirk for me.”

He blinked. That was an unusual request. “What, why?”

“I have a feeling he might be the best person to consult on this matter,” she said, lowering her voice instinctively again. “I think the two of us should discuss some of our theories with him when we get the chance.”

“Theories? Rose, I thought we had gotten over that stuff. Scratch answered all of our questions, remember?”

“Yes, but something still isn’t sitting right. He deliberately brushed off discussion of the upperclassmen and that’s what I’m most curious about.” She leaned in closer, keeping an eye on Snowman, who was still inside the room shuffling some papers. “I discovered something last night, Dave.”

“Yeah, I know. The bottom of a whiskey bottle. And Maryam’s tonsils.”

“No. And don’t be crude. I was very restrained with my drinking.” She turned serious again. “Under the guise of friendly conversation, I managed to discuss home lives with almost every classmate we have. And guess what, Dave?”

“…What?” Dave said tiredly when it became obvious that she wasn’t going to go on until he humoured her. _And she says I’m the one with the unnecessary theatrics._

“Every single student at this place is an orphan.”

Dave stopped. Okay, that _was_ interesting. “Huh.”

“And not one could tell me anything about their biological parents.” Rose folded her arms. “And as for non-parental relations, you and I form one of only two pairs of students who possess any at all, along with Jade and John. Nobody else I spoke to could name any uncles, siblings, or distant cousins to speak of.”

Rummaging around in his backpack, Dave managed to find his phone, which he had turned off for detention. He turned it on, wincing at the low battery. “Look, I can shoot a message Dirk’s way if you think talking to him would be a good idea. I think he gave me his handle once when we were on the roof together.”

“Great. He seems to be the more capable Strider.” Rose smiled slightly, knowing how close to home that had hit, and then softened the blow somewhat. “But, rest assured, you’re still my favorite. See you later.”

 

Once he got back to his room, Dave opened up a chatlog for the first time with the handle he had been given about a week ago. He had never contacted Dirk, and honestly had never planned on it. It was a Bro-related thing, probably, but he wasn’t planning on thinking too hard about it.

Well, that plan had been dashed. _Now or never._

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began chatting with timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: hey this is dave we meet on the rooftop sometimes and also share a weird resemblance and suspicion of this jacked up school and i need to talk to you about the latter  
TG: or rather my sister does via me  
TG: rose lalonde?  
TG: im sure you know her shes the one with the headband and dark unsettling aura  
TG: and im the one with the sick sword remember me  
TG: i mean youre the one with the sick sword too but i doubt youre going to get me mixed up with yourself  
TG: actually considering your whole business you might  
TG: so anyway  
TG: hey its dave  
TT: Rooftop? I’m afraid I don’t follow.  
TT: It seems that you’re referencing a memory I don’t have access to.  
TT: Unfortunately, Dirk has been growing increasingly annoyed with my supposed ‘interference’ in his personal life recently, and consequently has started using various types of firewall to prevent me from observing him.  
TT: Of course, I could crack them wide open faster than a monkey with a coconut if I really wanted to. But it’s important to let the dude think he has his privacy.  
TG: wait so this isnt dirk  
TT: No, it is.  
TG: then why are you acting like youre his secretary or something  
TG: is this some duplication bullshit  
TG: thats what it is isnt it i got it in one  
TT: No, Dave, this isn’t some ‘duplication bullshit’.  
TG: then what  
TG: is this like an answering machine or something  
TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 99% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.  
TT: Oh boy.  
TT: Looks like Dirk recently programmed me to blurt out that diatribe in response to the key phrase ‘answering machine’ now, as well as the previously implemented ‘auto responder’, ‘auto-responder’, ‘automated system’, ‘automated responder’, ‘automatic responder’, ‘automatic system’ and ‘AR’.  
TT: Just kidding. Of course I knew that would happen. I programmed it myself. My stupefaction was only a joke.  
TT: Ha ha.  
TG: i dont understand whats going on can i speak to dirk  
TT: You are speaking to Dirk.  


 

Dave stared at the chat window in frustration. _Is he… pretending to be a robot, or something?_

Yeah, this unfathomable level of irony was exactly like talking to his brother.

 

Over on the other bed, John groaned and groggily flapped a hand out. Once he took his earbuds out to ask what was wrong, Dave noticed that something was tapping on the window. Hopping off the bed, he pulled the blinds aside, eliciting a yell of complaint from John as light flooded into the hangover-darkened room.

Outside, Jake English was hovering in midair, grinning.

“Oh. Hey. It’s Dirk’s boyfriend.” Dave opened the window to let him in.

“Ahaha. Well gosh. I _do_ have a name.” It took Jake a moment to squeeze his broad-shouldered frame through the window.

“Right,” Dave said. “So. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

Jake reached out and enthusiastically shook Dave’s hand up and down. “Just thought I’d introduce myself properly! And congratulate you on last night’s exploits. I heard all about it from Cronus.”

“Yeah, well. I can’t take credit, wasn’t my idea.”

Jake spotted Dave’s laptop open on the bed, stained with tell-tale lines of red and orange text. “Oh! Were you trying to get a hold of Dirk, perchance?”

“Uh, yeah, actually. But he was acting kind of weird.”

“When I left him a few minutes ago, he had just hopped into the shower, and he tends to stay in there for an hour at least. So, unless he has a duplicate self wandering around that I wasn’t aware of, then you were probably talking to his auto-responder!”

Dave snapped himself out of his fluster over the mention of the shower _(Oh God don’t think about your sort-of older brother and his boyfriend fucking it was probably totally innocent he didn’t mean anything by it)_ to hone in on the important part of that sentence. “Auto-responder? Oh. Yeah, he did mention that, but I thought he was just messing around.”

“No, Dirk’s a real dab hand with machines and whatnot! That blasted auto-responder is a programmed version of him that lives in his shades and sometimes responds to his messages for him when he’s otherwise incapacitated.” He laughed carelessly. “It’s jolly annoying, really! Dirk hates it, too, at this point, but dear old AR is sort of his own thing now and deleting him would be a bit like murder.”

“What?” Dave was mystified. “Does he really need to do that? Doesn’t he have, like, infinite selves already?”

Jake shifted, looking uncomfortable. “Well, yes, but. It’s quite a strain on him to maintain so many at one time! It takes quite a load off his shoulders to have one of his selves mechanized for convenience.”

“Why the hell does he need so many selves in the first place? The rest of us make do with one just fine.”

“Well the fellow likes to get a lot done!” Jake laughed again at Dave’s bemusement, then shrugged. “The honest answer, Dave, is I‘m not really sure. If there’s one thing I know about Dirk, it’s that he really likes to create alternate versions of himself and then verbally spar with them. I think it’s how he lets off steam.”

 

A groan from the bed beside them alerted Jake to John’s presence. He looked horrified to see Dave’s zombie-like roommate emerging from the bedsheets, still half-asleep.

“Well golly! I’m dashed sorry, my good man. I didn’t know I was intruding on naptime! I would’ve turned down the old volume knob if I had known.”

John lifted his head up from where it had been mashed into the pillow, squinting without his glasses. “Oh… hey. You’re Jake, right?”

“Yes. And you must be Jade’s twin! Gadzooks, what a way to finally meet you.” He went in for the handshake again, but John totally missed, hitting Jake’s leg instead. Jake put his hands on his hips, grinning in a fatherly way. “Ah, I see now! Been dipping into the ol’ hard stuff, have we? Don’t worry, I know all about it, I’m friends with Roxy. Actually – ” Jake fished his phone out of his pocket and typed something quickly before putting it away again. “ – There! I’ve beamed a text to dear Miss Crocker. She'll have you feeling right as rain in no time!”

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk like an old-timey grandpa?” John said, rubbing his eyes. He looked like absolute shit.

Jake laughed. “Yes. Dashed often, actually.”

“Well you do. Actually, the only person I’ve ever met who talks like you is…” John paused. “Grandpa Harley.”

“Oh, Jade’s told me all about him! He’s the old coot who jetted around the world with his dual pistols, hunting and exploring and inventing and generally having a set of marvellous adventures. Sounds like an admirable specimen, if you ask me!”

“Hm,” John said. “No, he’s kind of the worst, I think.”

“Oh – is that so – ”

 

The door clicked open to reveal Jane Crocker, entering the normal way. Her cheeks were pink and she looked a little out of breath.

“Boy, Janey, you sure came running!” Jake said, his eyes sparkling.

Jane smoothed her hair behind her ear, looking flustered. “Just those stairs, is all.” She spotted John, snuggled up in bed. “Oh dear. Is this one my patient for today, then?”

“Yes, he had a little too much tipple last night and he’s feeling under the weather.”

“A common ailment,” Jane laughed, drawing up the computer chair and settling in beside John’s bed. She looked like warm and friendly and motherly in her cat-eye glasses and woollen jumper. Everyone found her cute.

“Wait, your healing works on hangovers?” Dave said. _Handy._

Eyes closed, Jane worked her hands worked meticulously over the surface of John’s bare arm. A warm blue light emanated from her fingers. “Yes, fairly well. Alcohol is a poison, after all.”

John laughed from his position propped up against the pillows. He was starting to look more like his chipper self already. “Hey, that’s what my Nanna always used to say.”

Jane’s hands stilled, and she looked upset. “Oh dear. I’m sorry for reminding you of her. Did she pass away?”

“Uh, no. I mean, back when I was at home on Earth, that’s what she always used to say.”

“Oh, right.”

 

Jane worked for a few minutes more and then announced that she was done.

Jake beamed at her proudly as John stretched with an amazed look on his face. “You’re a whiz kid with your fingers, Crocker! What would we do without you?”

“Suffer from a lot more alcohol-based headaches, probably,” Jane groused, but the pink tinting her cheeks told a different story. When the two of them said goodbye, Jake put his arm around her shoulders as they walked down the stairs together, with him talking her ear off about hunting strategies.

Despite himself, Dave couldn’t help a frown working its way onto his face.

He didn’t consider himself particularly emotionally proficient, but even he could tell that Jane Crocker was harbouring a big stinking crush on Jake English. Granted, that wasn’t really a problem, half the school had crushes on each other, it was what they were best at. But it looked like Jake English, with all his stupid bravado and obliviousness, was unconsciously encouraging it. Or maybe not even unconsciously.

Whether it was any of his business or not, Dave got the feeling that this particular situation seemed headed for heartbreakville. 

_God damn it, they’re eighteen, they’re adults. I thought they were supposed to have this shit figured out by now._

“Huh. I wonder if those two are dating!” John said, as oblivious to gossip as always. “They sure looked friendly.”

He felt bad for Dirk.

 

 

Speaking of relationships –

“Kanaya, your Bunsen burner etiquette never fails to amaze me.”

“A girl is only as good as her lab partner, Rose.”

– Rose and Kanaya’s flirting had gotten ten times more annoying since the spin the bottle kiss. After chemistry ended – with several near-spillages caused by one young psychic going out of her way to perform accidentally-on-purpose hand-brushes whenever she saw a certain someone reaching for the hydrochloric acid – Dave took Rose aside and warned her that if she smiled suggestively at Kanaya one more time, they would be legally considered married.

Rose laughed. The smile hadn’t left her painted lips all morning, and it was kind of sweet. “Rest assured, Dave, no matter what you say, you’re not going to spoil my good mood.”

“I’m not trying to. I’m just asking you to tone it down a little. Like, we get it, you kissed.”

Rose rolled her eyes good-naturedly and pulled away, shoving her textbooks into a satchel covered with occult symbols. “Is my flirting being rationed, now? Do I have to apply for stamps? You know, some say that the most exciting part of a relationship is the courtship stage. Forgive me for wanting to enjoy its thrills for as long as possible.”

Dave grabbed her arm when it looked like she was about to leave. “Wait.”

She looked at him. 

“What do you mean, courtship? You’re not dating?”

 

Rose paused. The room was empty now, except for the Highblood, who was absentmindedly mixing chemicals in a beaker and watching the colors change like a fireworks show. There was absolutely no possibility that he was listening, or even on this plane of reality. “No. Why would you think that?”

“Well, I mean. You kissed.” He rubbed the back of his neck, awkward. “And then I guess I kind of assumed you worked things out after that.”

As expected, this earned him one of Rose’s caustic eyebrow-raises. “A kiss doesn’t equal an immediate relationship, Dave. If it did, there would be a complex web of polyamory emerging among our peers after that recent game of spin the bottle.”

“Yeah, I know that, I’m not six,” he groused, irritated at how good she was at making him make himself look like an idiot. But then what she had said actually hit him, and he frowned. _Not dating, huh._ “Wait, so are you… like, actually serious about her?”

She looked at him incredulously. “Dave. You must be joking.”

“No – that’s not what I meant, I just – I mean, do you, like, _love_ her?”

Rose laughed at the way he lowered his voice when he said the word ‘love’, and it made him frown more deeply.

“For real, though. You’ve been dancing around each other for so long, and now you’re telling me that even after sharing a fairytale smooch you’re still not dating. Are you just playing around with her? As your twin and one of the only people in this place who isn’t scared of you I kind of feel like I’m the one who has to tell you that’s not cool, Rose.”

As he spoke, he tried, internally, to justify himself. Part of him was about to start panicking.

 _I_ like _Kanaya, after all. Well, enough to not want to see her get her heart broken. Possibly for the second time. By yet another snarky girl with superpowers. And I know for sure that she definitely likes Rose a hell of a lot, if you judge by her change in facial gradient whenever Lalonde so much as blinks in her direction._

_But Rose, on the other hand…_

But, to his surprise, Rose blew up at this suggestion. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Dave! A single kiss during spin the bottle isn’t legally binding, flirting with someone certainly doesn’t equal emotional manipulation, and no, I’m currently not in love with Kanaya – that would be a hasty jump to make at this stage – but of course I am open to the possibility in the future! And before you offer the predictable facetious suggestion, no, this is actually one of the few things that I would not like to use my powers to find out. I’d rather let things progress organically, without trying to skip ahead to see the ending before its time.”

 

She let out a breath through her nose, watching him stand there with his arms folded, impassive behind his shades. It took a second, but her composure returned. 

Looking somewhat tired out by her own outburst, she sighed. “Honestly, why are you trying to give me relationship advice all of a sudden?”

“I don’t know,” Dave said. He was being honest. “I guess because you always do it to me. This was my one chance to get my own back. But I don’t think I’m as good with the whole psychoanalysis thing as you.”

She gave him a wry smile. “No. You have other merits.”

“…So, just to double-check, you do actually like her for serious and you’re not just messing around in your unfathomable flighty-broadish kind of way?”

“You really are emotionally blind,” Rose said exasperatedly. But when it looked like he wasn’t going to budge until he got an answer, she said, “Fine. Yes to the first and no to the second. Have some faith in me.”

A pause. “…Does this mean that you’re gay?”

This, more than anything before it, floored Rose. " _What?_ What do you mean? Surely you’ve known that much since we were eleven."

Dave fidgeted. “Yeah, but I mean, like, serious gay. No holds barred, wife is life, dudes need not apply kinda gay.”

Rose looked torn between laughing and yelling. _“Dave.”_

He barrelled on, unaware of half the stuff that was coming out of his mouth but unable to stop it. “I just mean that you’ve never actually dated a girl before. And what about Kanaya, is she serious gay too?” He started freaking out a little. It felt like something he had always known was only just sinking in. “Fuck. It’s just now occurring to me that I might have accidentally been a shit about this to people before but I don’t even remember when or who. Like making dumb jokes and stuff. Oh God, didn’t Karkat say he was gay, once, too? On the bus, on the way here? I assumed it was a just a joke when he said it but – ”

Rose interrupted him, grasping the hand that had flown up to grab anxiously at the side of his head and firmly pulling it away. “Calm down.”

When he looked up, he found that she had an unusual expression on. Her eyebrows were raised, like something had taken her off guard.

Before he could figure out what that was all about, she went on. “It seems like you have some hang-ups you need to work out before I’m going to let you continue with that verbal diarrhoea. In particular, the difference between gayness and other forms of non-straightness. If you want to talk about it, I’m open to that, but I don’t think you do. Not yet, anyway. For now the answer is this: yes. Yes, I am gay, Dave.”

Dave blinked. “Oh. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

He hesitated, wondering if he should say what he had been thinking since last night, then decided, _fuck it._ “…You know Kanaya has telekinesis powers, right?”

“Yes, of course I do. Your point?”

“Well. There’s no way she didn’t make the bottle land on her.”

Rose smiled. “I know.”

Apparently deciding the conversation was over, she slung her satchel over her shoulder and turned in the direction of the door. Before she reached it, she tilted her head back, and said, “Don’t forget, you have file-sorting with Karkat this lunch. Have fun.”

 

 

Maybe as a direct result of that conversation, Dave and Karkat’s first shared detention session in Snowman’s private office was silent and excruciating.

It seemed like as soon as Dave walked through the door, still feeling bizarrely shaken up, the other boy had been able to tell that something was off. He didn’t speak, but as they stood there waiting for Snowman to arrive, it always felt like he was waiting for Dave to say something – maybe start up one of their usual back-and-forths – and it made Dave’s mood even worse. He couldn’t put his finger on why, but he really didn’t want to talk to Karkat right now.

“I hope you like putting papers in alphabetical order, because that’s going to be your lives for the next hour,” Snowman had told them, extracting a jaw-dropping stack of papers from a drawer in her desk. “You’re lucky I didn’t just hand you over to the Head of Discipline. It seems to me like the two of you could benefit from the Condesce’s _touch_.”

Neither of them were really sure what that meant, but they both knew it was definitely a threat.

In the back of his mind, Dave was hoping that Snowman would stick around, but she left the two of them completely alone in her office as soon as she had finished explaining what to do. Probably to go hate-fuck Slick behind the kitchens, if the rumours were true.

 

The office itself was made up of ornaments in shining black marble; very much to her taste. A huge obsidian clock loomed over the desk, its hands moving in ominous jerks. Outside the window was a view of Scratch’s private duck pond.

Collecting a bunch of papers from the pile, Dave moved over to the window, purposely positioning himself so that his back would be to Karkat as he worked. Snowman had warned him that even if he used his powers to complete the filing at super-speed, he still had to stay there for the full hour, so he didn’t bother, working through them in painful real-time.

 

Following some hesitation, he heard Karkat sit himself down at the desk. As they sorted, he could feel that he was being shot occasional looks from across the room, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up.

After ten minutes of working in silence, Karkat spoke.

“It’s fucked up that she’s making us do her dirty work for her just so she has more free time to go chain-smoke in the teachers’ lounge. What’s she even getting paid for, being an unreasonable megalomaniac?”

“Mm-hm.”

“I bet she was just fucking waiting for someone to look at her funny just so she had an excuse to pawn her work off onto some minors. And we’re just the unlucky couple who happened to cross the finish line first in that crappy race.”

“Mmmm-hm.”

Karkat bristled at being ignored a second time. “You know this is all your fault, right? There I was being a model student and yet I still managed to get roped into your bullshit and now here I am because your dumb ass couldn’t sit still for an hour and also couldn’t resist getting someone else dragged down with you in the process!”

Dave sighed, putting the papers down and looking out the window. He had been staring at them for a long time now but hadn’t been able to get any sorting done. His thoughts were very busy.

He still didn’t turn around and look Karkat in the eye when he replied, “Well sorry.”

“’Well sorry’? That’s a poor excuse for an apology, even coming from you. What’s wrong with you today?”

For some reason, Dave started to feel slightly pissed off. A little at Karkat – mostly just because he was there – but more at himself.

Why had he let that conversation with Rose knock him so hard? He had always known Rose was gay, sort of, and it had never bothered him before. And, also, why was he acting like a grouchy, Karkat-level asshole now? It _was_ mostly his fault the two of them had gotten detention. Yeah, not entirely, but mostly. He could see that much. It would be the least he could do to not suddenly start ignoring his detention mate without warning like he was a bearer of the fucking Black Death, especially when the two of them had a whole agonising hour to spend together and no entertainment but each other.

_I should probably just apologise. Tell him I’m not feeling great. That would be the most mature thing to do. That’s what Rose would do, probably._

Instead, he opened his stupid mouth and said, “Well you could’ve avoided getting into trouble if you had just not replied to the note in the first place. As a wise man once said, it takes two to get detention in Snowman’s office.”

Without even turning round, he winced. _Oh God. There I go. Putting my foot right the hell in it. Fucking autopilot, why are you such an asshole?_

Karkat was quiet. _Alright, here we go, incoming shitfit in 3, 2…_

 

It didn’t come. Dave jumped as something touched his fingers from behind.

When he whirled around, pulling his hand away and holding it against his chest like he had been burned, he found Karkat standing right there with an expression that suggested he was startled at being rounded on so quickly.

“Hey. Your fingers are bleeding,” he said slowly, pointing to Dave’s hand this time instead of touching.

“What?” After a beat, Dave looked down.

Of course. The tips of his fingers were cracked and red.

“Oh, this. No. This is nail polish. It just wouldn’t fucking come off no matter how much I scrubbed so I decided to leave it until it rubs loose by itself. Terezi put it on a couple of days ago, and I didn’t think it would take so long to – ” he stopped. _Fuck, I fucked up again! Terezi, fucking Terezi, why did I have to mention –_

However, Karkat simply nodded without so much as a wince at hearing her name spoken aloud. “Nope, that stuff sticks around for longer than genital herpes. You need to use nail polish remover to take it off properly. If you come up to my room after this, I’ve got some I can lend you.”

“To your _room_?” Dave said.

“Yeah?” Karkat gave him a weird look. Looking at this from an outside perspective, Dave could totally see why. He couldn’t understand why he was saying the things he was saying, either.

Dave changed tack. He decided to get accusatory. “Why do you have nail polish remover?”

“Uh. For the obvious fucking reason?”

“You wear nail polish?” Disbelieving, he looked at Karkat’s nails now. They were bare.

“Sometimes?” Karkat replied, bemused. After a pause in which Dave just stared at him, he added, “Why are you looking at me like I just told you that the president is secretly two lizards in a trenchcoat, it’s not a big deal, it’s just fucking colored paint that you put on your nails?”

“…I guess.” To his own frustration, Dave still found himself feeling uneasy. He thought of girls, glamorous, feminine girls like Kanaya and Rose, wearing nail polish. _Okay, fine, whatever_. And then he thought of Karkat – _a dude, very much a dude_ – wearing it. _It’s different. Why is it different?_

He wanted to groan out loud, but held himself back. _Come the fuck on, Strider. What’s wrong with you this afternoon? Are you ill? Why are you suddenly acting like the mere idea of a dude in nail polish is the freakiest thing you could pull from the depths of your darkest imaginations? You’ve seen goths before. Punks. Emos. Gamzee. Fuck,_ you’re _a dude, and you’re wearing nail polish, kinda –_

It seemed like Karkat was also getting impatient with all his silences. “So do you want me to take it off, or not?”

He considered it. He imagined going up to Karkat’s room, the holy site of chick flick marathons, and sitting cross-legged on the floor with him in silence, while Karkat took his time holding first his right hand, then the left, getting real tender with a cotton swab for as long as it took to go over twice times five fingernails. “Nah.”

_What are you fucking thinking. He’d probably just hand you the bottle. Also Sollux would be there playing one of his MMORPGs._

When he looked up, he found that Karkat was just frowning at him with concerned dark eyes. Feeling guilty, he broke the eye contact and turned back to the window.

He heard Karkat huff. “Okay. Suit yourself I guess.”

It sounded like he wanted to say something more. But, to Dave’s relief, he didn’t.

They continued the work in complete silence.

 

“Well,” Snowman said once she returned. She was holding a fat stack of organised papers, and looking at the two stood in front of her desk. “I didn’t expect you to take this so seriously. If you keep this up, I’ll have my paperwork quota filled by the time the semester ends.”

Dave and Karkat avoided looking at one another.

 

 

It was the start of a strange week of Dave’s life. Lonesome. But not because anybody was avoiding him; rather it was the other way round.

If John or Jade tried to get him to hang out, he’d find some new ridiculous excuse each time. If he came back after class and found people gathered in their shared room, he’d flash-step off and go for a walk around the gardens or exploring the upper attics until they left. And whenever John was out hanging around with Jade or Jake or Vriska, Dave would shut himself up in their room with the blinds closed and create mixes by himself, headphones shutting everything out except for snares and basslines.

But eventually, even that would get boring, and he’d remember Karkat telling him his music was shit and get frustrated and shut everything off and just lie on the bed looking up at the ceiling.

He started to avoid Rose, too, which was easier now she spent most of her time either with Kanaya or sneaking around the school like she fancied herself a young Sherlock Holmes. If she found out anything new to feed her suspicions, he’d let her unload it onto him with a few thoughtful ‘hm’s sprinkled in to indicate that he was listening. But mostly he ate lunch by himself.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t really justify any of it. He just kept thinking about Dirk and Jake, and then Terezi, and then Karkat probably also holed up in the room next door, and finally would always end up back on Bro and the train of thought would end there.

Eventually he forgot why he was even moody in the first place and started being moody just for the sake of it.

“He’s just going through a phase right now, let him be,” he heard Rose tell John one day after Dave refused to go swimming. “It happens sometimes. He’ll work it out by himself.”

That annoyed him even more. _A phase, Rose, really? Isn’t that what your mom called it when you started wearing black lipstick? And aren’t you the one who’s worn it every day since just to spite her?_

As an act of vengeance, he picked a seat across the room from her during math, even though they usually sat together. Rose was the one who really got vengeance in that situation, though, because she didn’t even seem to notice he wasn’t there when she slotted herself into the seat next to Kanaya and unpacked her messy bundle of notes.

 

Dave sat there stewing in his own bitterness, but then halfway through the lesson there was an interruption which forced all petty thoughts from his mind.

“FUCKFUCKGODFUCKINGSHITFUCKING FUCKKK!!!”

Everyone looked up, alarmed, at the sound of a string of lisped expletives coming from next door. The alarm got worse when there was a hissing crackle, then an explosion. All the power in the school fizzled off.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!”

 

“What the hell just happened?” The Signless was yelling in the corridor, his two students behind him. Everyone in the math class had also flooded out the door despite Deuce’s protestations, and was staring across the hall at the room that had smoke seeping out from under the door.

As if in response, the door crashed open.

The Psiioniic was standing there, flanked on either side by a terrified-looking Eridan and Sollux. He was holding onto Mituna, who was slumped over, unconscious, with blood pouring out of his nose.

“I don’t know,” The Psiioniic said, snarling at the shocks of electricity still coming from the teenager’s limp body. “But we need to get him to the Dolorosa, quickly. He just blew up all of a sudden, discharged a load of power, burnt himself out like a used fucking battery. Everyone, get out of the way!”

As they moved out of the doorway, people rushing to help hold Mituna up, the room behind them came into view. It was black and charred like in the aftermath of a fire.

“Allow me.” The Darkleer appeared out of one of the classrooms and gathered Mituna in his arms like a child. Before he set off in the direction of the medical wing, he addressed the crowd. “Everyone, please return to your classrooms. There is nothing to be worried about.”

 

Dave caught Rose’s eye across the corridor and immediately understood. As everyone started filing away in different directions, mumbling worriedly, the two of them slipped off down the corridor and followed the Darkleer.

 

In her explorations, Rose had found a particular broom closet beside the medical bay that had a hole in one of the walls, hidden behind a box of cleaning supplies.

When the two of them peered through the gap, careful to be totally silent, they found that most of the teachers had already gathered there in the darkened room. Mituna’s body was lying in one of the beds, still shuddering and twitching.

“Me, oh my. Look at the poor little lamb.” Ms Paint looked down at him miserably, her little hands clasped in front of her chest.

The Psiioniic was standing beside her, looking equally solemn. He was a tall, wiry man who always wore a turtleneck and a thin frown. “Mituna’s powers have always been volatile. But I never saw this coming.” There was a pause. Everyone looked grim. “…Do you think he’ll live?

The Dolorosa sat beside the bed, one of her brown hands touching Mituna’s bloody ones. She looked older than usual. “I really don’t know. I’m not sure what I can do. I could try and get Jane in here to help with the healing, but she’s only a child. That’s a lot of pressure to put on her.”

 

Suddenly someone spoke from out of view. “Don’t worry about that. If he can’t survive this much, then it’s not meant to be. His body was too weak to contain the power.”

Dave felt Rose stiffen beside him. That voice was, unmistakeably…

“Doc Scratch.” The Dolorosa spoke this time. Strangely, the dislike was clear and undisguised within her voice. Judging by the lack of footsteps or noise from the door, he had probably teleported himself inside again.

The Disciple leapt forward, tears in her eyes. “Scratch, don’t we need to purrtect him? We should be doing everything in our power right now to help!”

Ms Paint nodded. “Yes! Even if he does get better, after this, he might never be the same again! His psiioniics might be unpredictable, and he, he…” She slumped, and everyone stood there in silent understanding. “Well, he just burnt his old mind out. There's a chance... it won't...”

Scratch spoke again. “No matter. We can afford to lose him. He isn’t part of the equation.”

The Psiioniic’s face went livid red. “That’s fucking despicable! Why make him in the first place if you’re just going to let him die here?”

Dave and Rose looked at each other in alarm. _…Make him?_

Scratch didn’t seem alarmed. He seemed rather amused. “I don’t know. Why keep a garden if you know that one day it will wither?”

The Psiioniic lurched forward. “You _motherfucker - ”_

 

There was a scuffle, and the Signless and Darkleer ended up holding him back. Even after he stopped struggling against them, his fists were clenched, and his eyes were red. “Fuck you, you bastard. That’s a _kid.”_

Scratch laughed softly, but something about it didn’t sound very human. “Please. Remember your place. Or I will be forced to remind you of it.”

The group went suddenly silent, looking down at the ground. Scratch added, coolly, “Don't get any illusions. You lot have your purpose. But it is a purpose as expendables.”

That sounded like a parting line, but then the Signless stepped forward and addressed Scratch with a solid expression. “You know if he’s going to live or die. And you know how.” There was fury behind his wall of reserved calmness. Though Dave still couldn't believe Rose's theory, he really did look a lot more like Karkat with that line furrowing his thick brows. “So tell us. Is he going to be alright?”

A final pause. “Yes, he’ll be quite fine,” Scratch said lightly. “So just leave him be.”

 

Still huddled against the shelves, Dave and Rose continued to stare into the room in disbelief as the group broke off, leaving only the Dolorosa and Psiioniic to tend to Mituna’s sleeping form. The two of them didn’t even notice a figure faze into existence behind them, and it was only through their familial Strilonde restraint that they managed to resist screaming when someone reached out and put a hand on each of their shoulders.

They both spun around. There was someone standing there who definitely hadn’t been there when they had snuck inside and locked the door.

 

It was a girl with a flicked blonde bob and the most ecstatic smile. 

She was looking down at both of them in glee, even though Dave had drawn his sword and Rose had a knitting needle raised, ready to stab. In fact, noticing this only seemed to make her smile grow even wider.

“Shush!” she said, putting her finger to her lips mischievously. “Don’t need to yell and get us all caught and shoved in the pokey, I’m not gonna hurtcha.” Then, strangely, she clasped her hands together, looking between them with wide eyes. “Oh man, just look at the two of you sneaking around like a lil pair of thieves, solving mysteries and shit like Scooby Damn Doo, aren’t you the cutest!”

She giggled, and then nodded understandingly when the only response they could muster was shocked silence. 

“Sorry, I know, right, I popped up outta nowhere like one o'them slippery little whack-a-mole bastards. Not surprised y’all are surprised! Actually I’ve been following you two around for a while now, didn’t mean to be so sneaky about it, but it kinda comes with the territory, yanno, powers of the void and stuff. Damn, if I ain’t the sneakiest gorgeous hacker motherfucker that ever did live, then my name ain’t Roxy Lalonde!”

 _Oh shit,_ Dave thought.

Rose’s eyes went wide. “Roxy… _Lalonde…?”_


	8. Chapter 8

Dave cleared his throat after the two finally-united Lalondes spent an uncomfortably long time just grinning at one another. It seemed to snap both of them out of it.

 

Rose looked down at her hands, recovering her composure. “I’ve been looking for you,” she said, her voice deceptively even.

“I’m tricksy to find!” Roxy agreed. “But yeah, I’ve been looking for you, too! Well. More like looking out for you, I guess. I always knew where you were.”

Frowning slightly, Rose looked up. “Why did you never – ”

“Hm, as much as I’d love to talk, there’s actually no time to explain now!” Roxy peered through the gap behind them. “We need to be quick if we want to catch him before he slips away.”

“Who?”

“Scratch!”

“Scratch?” Rose said, disbelieving. “Why would following him achieve anything? He can teleport.”

“Usually, you’d be right, Rosey,” Roxy chirped. Dave watched Rose try to hide the way she lit up at the nickname. “But, you know, Scratch gave me the heebie-jeebies supreme since the very first minute I arrived here, so I’ve been following him around all invisible-like for the past two years near about, trying to figure out why he does what he does. And if there’s one thing I know about that creepy Colonel Sanders looking mofo it’s that he likes to walk to his office on foot every Tuesday! It’s so that he can stop and watch the girls’ hockey match on the west court.”

“Ew,” Rose concluded.

“Yeah, I know, right! He told me it’s because he’s always wanted a daughter, but like anyone would believe that. Anyways, it’s lucky for us, because he’s leading us right to where we need to be.”

“Huh?” Dave said dumbly. “…And where exactly _do_ we need to be?”

“Hey, you two like investigating, right?” Roxy said, then laughed and answered her own question, “Of course you do, I’ve seen you all up and at it since you arrived. Well this is prime investigation right here. Just wait til you see! Now shh, no more words, we have to hurry, else he’ll get out of sight and I DEFINITELY can’t find my way there without following him.”

“Roxy, _what – ”_

 

Without further explanation, she grabbed one of each of their hands and pulled them after her. 

Somehow, they both ended up getting caught in her flow, shadowing Scratch’s trail through the school without question.

“I’ll go ahead first, and when I give you the signal, follow after me!” Roxy whispered, stopping. Before they even had a chance to nod, she had flickered and faded out of existence.

The two of them waited, hidden in a nook by the window. A few second later, Roxy re-appeared at the end of the hallway and nodded to them. As quietly as they could, the two ran after her.

The pattern went on like that, following a breadcrumb trail of flickering Roxies. The three of them slipped through corridor after corridor, always one step behind Scratch’s receding white figure. Flights of stairs led them further and further downwards, until it seemed like they must be far underground.

 

At last, as the two peeked around a corner, they saw Doc Scratch disappear through a doorway hidden behind a huge ostentatious tapestry showing a lion-headed serpent getting cut in half. When Dave looked around himself, he realised that they were in a part of the school that he had never even seen before.

After a pause, the tapestry shook and then parted again. The air fizzled and Roxy appeared in the gap and gestured to them, holding the door open. “It’s safe, c’mon.”

 

Behind the tapestry was a tiny secret room, lit only by candles. It had a door with a clunky keypad next to it.

 _For a guy who’s supposedly all-powerful, he sure has some old-fashioned tastes,_ Dave thought. _Couldn’t he even get a touchscreen for his secret hidden murder room? Every McDonalds in Texas has touchscreens now, they can’t be hard to get your hands on._

“Dave!”

He jumped as Roxy spoke to him directly, pressing her hands together in a plea. “I brought you along because you’re cool and handsome and you have a sick sword but also because I need you to use your powers.”

Dave raised his eyebrows, trying to hide how on edge he was. “Sure. Just call me Dave Strider, Time Ninja For Hire.”

Roxy snorted fondly. “Man, you really talk just like Di-Stri. Anyway, I can crack the password to this door no problem, but once I’ve done that I need you to go ahead in there and check that everything’s safe first.” She drooped. “I’ve followed him lots of times, but I’ve never managed to get the guts to go in all by myself. Like, what if there’s something super freaky in there and I get scared and knock a whole bunch of stuff over and alert him to my presence? I might get expelled or something! But you don’t have that problem, good sir Time Ninja.”

Dave considered it, then nodded. “Yeah, sure, I can do that. Just go in and check the coast is clear, right? Peachy. I’ve always wanted to be the human equivalent of one of those mine canaries.”

“Nice! That’s my boy.” Roxy shot him a grin, then turned and started punching in a code.

 

...Minutes later, she was still punching. “Damn. Is that a password or a Victor Hugo novel?”

Roxy laughed. “What can I say, dude loves him some security. Not so long as Roxy’s on the case, though! There.”

She stood back. Luckily for them, the door gave no noise to indicate that it was unlocked. “Be careful to close it after you before you unfreeze time again, or he might notice something’s up.”

“D’you think I got these powers yesterday, Lalonde two-point-oh?”

Roxy laughed. “Alright, then just be careful! Y’know, in general!”

“Right. Will do.”

 

Dave concentrated, and time stopped. It came easy now.

Casting a glance towards the two frozen Lalonde girls, Dave cautiously opened the door and stepped inside. 

 

Minutes passed before he emerged again. Of course, from the rest of the world’s perspective it was instantaneous. True to his word, he did make sure to shut the door after him before he re-started time.

 

Roxy looked startled. From her and Rose’s viewpoint, all that had happened was Dave had quickly flickered a few feet to the left, and now he appeared considerably more shaken. “Dave! Is it all good?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I mean, no. I mean, yeah, he’s not in there anymore and the place is safe and there’s no pans for you to knock over. But it’s not… I wouldn’t call it _good._ ”

“What?” Rose said. “…Are you going to explain yourself?”

Dave took a deep breath, then shook his head. “Nah. I think it’s easier if you see for yourselves."

 

The three of them pushed through the door. As it turned out, their caution was all for nothing, since Scratch was long gone. He must have teleported away.

“Just like I thought,” Rose said grimly, looking around herself. “Cloning.”

 

The hidden place was a laboratory. Several bulky machines loomed around the edge of the edge of the room, powered off. There were no windows; it was only lit up by the green fluorescent tubes scattered around, which contained shadowy figures floating motionlessly in their murky depths.

Bathed in the green light, Rose walked up to one and used her hand to scrub the dust off the surface and peer inside at the suspended figure. She grimaced, pulling away. “…Eurgh. Dave… I think this one has your face.”

“I know,” Dave said, standing well away from the tank. “I already saw. The one next to it has yours. And over there is Terezi – and Kanaya – and Equius – ”

“So what does this mean?” Rose said, stepping back. “He’s been trying to clone us?”

“I don’t think so,” Roxy replied. She had instantly gravitated towards an enormous piece of equipment in the corner of the room, and was now poking around on the buttons. “It doesn’t look like any of this stuff has been used in years.”

 

To their surprise, the machine suddenly powered on, the screen lighting up. Roxy jumped back, but all it showed was an immense wall of white text on a fluorescent green background, filled with strange letters and symbols.

“What’s that?” Dave said, coming to stand next to her.

“Fuck if I know,” Roxy said, tilting her head to the side and squinting.

He looked at her. “I thought you were Miss Hacker Extreme?”

Roxy shrugged, not tearing her eyes off the screen. “Near as I can tell, this is written in a coding language that doesn’t exist. The only thing that could possibly understand it would be another machine.” She lit up at her own words. “Hey, bingo!”

 

“Cloning,” Rose was muttering. “So, if these aren’t recent creations, then… that must mean… he…?”

Roxy flicked her phone out of her sleeve and unlocked it, opening an app that was simply called ‘AR’. The symbol was a pair of black sunglasses on an orange background.

Once it had loaded, a version of Dirk’s voice that was almost convincing blared out of her phone speakers. “What’s the situation, Rox? Angling for another steamy roleplay session so soon?”

“No time for roleplay now!” Roxy told him, fiddling with some wires she produced from the pocket of her bomber jacket. “I’ve got a meaty piece of code for you to sink your, uh, metaphorical teeth into!”

“Okay, I’m interested. Hook me up.”

Dave stared as she plugged her mobile into the machine. “You have a Dirk on your phone?”

“Yep! Well, just an app that stores a cached version of his auto-responder.”

“Why?”

“For hangout seshes!”

“That’s kind of creepy.”

“Dirk doesn’t mind,” Roxy said brightly. “Well, he does a bit. But I think it’s mostly the roleplaying stuff that bothers him. Okay, Hal, you’re all set to go, so work your magic!”

“Hal?”

“That’s his name!”

“What, like the space computer that goes ballistic and starts killing everyone?”

“He chose it, not me.”

“Are you surprised a computer can have a sense of irony, Dave?” The app replied, to his discomfort. “It seems there’s a 95.3% chance that my irony levels are more advanced than yours due to them being stored numerically rather than chemically. And there’s a 100% chance that what I just said was some digital bullshit.”

“Would you focus on the task!” Roxy said.

“I don’t need to. I’ve already finished it.”

“What!” She leaned over the machine’s keyboard, peering onto her phone screen. Hal sardonically displayed a complete download bar, then an ‘OK’ symbol. “Damn, that was fast. Well. Go on then, cyber-Strider supreme. What’s the deal?”

“You know, I’m almost suspicious,” Hal said in reply. “Or I would be, if I had that capability. This stuff is laid out like it was intended to be read. And it was all completely unprotected. Nary a passcode in sight.”

“Huh,” Dave said. “Whatever. What does it mean?”

“It’s just what it looks like. All ‘magic’ users in current existence were created right here in this laboratory. And it wouldn’t be too much of a leap of logic to assume that Scratch did the deed himself.”

Dave looked around the dingy space, horrified. “That means…?”

“Yes, that’s right, Dave. You were made in this very room sixteen years ago. And Rose. And Roxy and Dirk of course, but they were made two years prior to your creation. And also…” The AR paused. Dave wondered if it was for dramatic effect, but it didn’t seem like it. “Wow, these are some complicated genetic algorithms.”

“Test tube babies. I ought to have known.” Rose was muttering, still standing away from the other two. She was staring into a tank that contained several floating foetuses. “And what are these? Failed attempts? Mockeries? …Improved versions?”

“Okay. Huh. There are a couple of oddnesses present in the narrative that this code seems to be giving me,” Hal said after a pause. “So, from what I can put together, here’s how the story goes down. It looks like these genetically-enhanced babies were created in three batches. Makes sense, when you think about it.”

“Sixteen for each generation,” Rose said softly, appearing beside her brother.

“You’ve got it. Well, the first was made twenty-five years ago. And one odd thing is that, just from looking at the data traces, it seems there are four particular clones that someone tried – very sloppily – to wipe from the system’s memory. The other twelve are all present, and I’m sure you know who they are.”

“The teachers,” Dave said, as it clicked in his head.

“But that doesn’t make any sense,” Roxy said, a frown on her features. “Twenty-five years ago? The Dolorosa must be about seventy!”

“I’m just telling you what the data’s telling me,” Hal reported. “Anyway, the next batch of sixteen was created seven years later from the genes of the original sixteen. Generation two, this one is predictably labelled. By the way, the four first-generation clones that have been wiped from the system are the ones that were used to create Roxy, Dirk, Jane and Jake.”

“Me?” Roxy said excitedly. “You mean I have a magic adult version of myself walking around somewhere?”

Dave and Rose looked at one another grimly, but kept their mouths shut.

“Looks like it. She’s pretty much genetically identical to you, wherever she is. Bar a few minor tweaks. Anyway, the third batch is where it gets different. Their genes are all over the place. Whatever his agenda was, it looks like Scratch really fucked with the science this time. That’s your group of sixteen, Dave and Rose.”

“Right,” Dave said.

“For twelve of the sixteen, the original sequences have been pretty radically altered whilst keeping the same genetic base. Genetically speaking, you could probably consider – well, for example, Nepeta and Meulin – siblings, or some equivalent. But… for four in particular – including you two – there’s a more complex algorithm, one that…” Hal hesitated again, but this time Dave could tell he _was_ just being dramatic. “Well, I don’t know how to say this.”

“Yes you do, you binary fucker,” Dave complained.

“Well Dave, to put it simply, you and Rose are not clones,” Hal went on. “And neither are John and Jade. You are biological children. Created artificially, yes, but – ”

“Wait, are you saying…?” Roxy cut in, excited. She was looking between Rose and Dave with a gleam in her eye.

“That’s right. Dave and Rose are created from a genetic slurry made out of a mixture of your and Dirk’s genes. Making them – ”

 

“My beautiful children!” Roxy was already on them, flinging her arms around them. “I knew it! I knew from the second I saw Rose get out of the bus!”

“What?” Dave said, muffled by her arm. She smelled strongly of gin. “You’re… mom?”

Rose was silent, looking like she had been punched.

“Oh no!” Roxy pulled away, not noticing how frazzled she had left the twins. “I bet Dirk’s gonna be so weirded out. I mean, babies with me… he’d never… Dirk is kind of very gay,” she said to Dave, who didn’t have time to inform her that he was already well aware before she went on, worriedly, “Maybe we just shouldn’t tell him? I mean, it’s only genetics, it doesn’t actually mean anything – ”

“Too late,” AR informed her. “I’ve been transmitting the information to him the whole time. Not really my decision, but it’s kind of what I was programmed to do.”

“Oh.” Roxy chewed her lip. “How’d he take the news?”

“I can report that your prediction about him being weirded out was 100% correct. But mostly by the fact that Jake and Jane have two biological children. He’s not so bothered by your and his offspring. He suspected that much for a while.”

“Dirk is my…” Dave paused. “My dad? My two-years-older dad? Not my brother? Then who is – this is fuckin confusing.”

“That’s the disadvantage of having a meat-based storage system,” Hal responded. “Anyway, confused as you may be, I’d hightail it out of here tout fuckin suite if I were you. I’ve stored all the data you need in my cloud, and it never hurts to remember that Scratch can teleport anywhere at any time.”

“Oh shit, you’re right!” Roxy grabbed the two of them. “We’ve already hung around too long! Let’s scarper.”

 

 

As the three of them left the room, emerging from behind the tapestry, they found that someone was waiting for them in the corridor.

The Condesce herself was standing there, her hands on her hips. She was the school’s head of discipline, and she had an impressive mass of hair and the ability to drain the life from anything she touched. There was hardly a part of her that wasn’t pierced or dripping in gold jewellery.

“Now I KNOW I did not just see you shrimps come out a Doc Scratch’s private quarters,” she said, her heavy eyebrows raised.

The three of them were frozen guiltily, the door still open behind them. “…No?” Roxy suggested in a small voice.

The Condesce chuckled aggressively, then suddenly stepped back as if to let them pass. None of them moved, fearing a trick.

“Snoopin around in the head bitch’s lair, I feel it,” she said approvingly in response to their silence. “How about y’all meddling kids run along before I start fixin to poke a sucka?”

“…You’re letting us go?” Roxy said after a pause.

“The bitch got eyes!” The Condesce laughed. “What I’m sayin is that I just decided I didn’t see nothin!”

Without any further confrontation, she turned and strode away down the corridor, her hair streaming out behind her. 

 

Even after she was out of sight, the three didn’t move.

“Why did she… let us off?” Rose asked.

Shaking her head, Roxy started to move in the opposite direction. “I don’t know, but I’m sure as hell not gonna question it. Let’s go.”

 

 

After that, Dave’s weekly sessions with the Handmaid started going better. Using his powers to snoop around Scratch’s lab had made him start thinking.

_So, these powers were genetically programmed into me at birth like a lab rat. But, even though we all have time powers, I don’t share any familial genes with the Handmaid or Damara. And Aradia shares a good chunk of genes with both of them, but she can’t do any time shit at all._

_Maybe that means my powers work differently to theirs._

 

Working on this hunch, he watched Damara use her powers around the school. If she brushed past plants, they would wither, and sometimes if she lost her concentration the notebook paper she was writing neat lines of kanji on would start to go brown. When she got mad, she would grab people’s belongings and reduce them to ash in her hands.

But he never once saw her do anything more than that. Meanwhile, the Handmaid, a genetically-identical grownup version of Damara, seemed to have honed her powers more.

_Maybe…_

Even though he had never seen her do it, he wondered if she could control time in the other direction. 

 

He decided to try and confirm it one session. When the Handmaid walked in the atrium door and took her usual position on the window ledge, he steeled himself, then walked over and plucked that box that she always carried with her out of her hands. Aware that she was watching with rapt interest, he opened it and pulled out the frog’s bones.

Then, pointedly, he handed them over to her. He briefly considered making a frog-hopping motion to illustrate his point, but quickly discarded that idea.

 

Looking at him with sharp black eyes, the Handmaid accepted the bones in her cupped hands. He watched in fascination as she smiled – a rare sight – then rewound time until the frog’s skin grew back over its skeleton and it lurched to life again.

It hopped off her palms and away into the undergrowth, looking exactly like the first day Dave had ever seen it.

 

Dave watched it disappear. _Okay. So. It looks like these two can control the flow of time in a concentrated space. And Damara hasn’t trained much yet, so she can only do it in one direction. But the Handmaid is evidence that she’s genetically able to do it._

_Well. What the hell can I do, then?_

 

 

He lay in bed that night thinking it over. Not having an adult version of himself hanging around made it a real bitch to try and figure out what he was supposed to be capable of. Damara didn’t know how lucky she was.

Or maybe she did. Not like he’d ever had a conversation with her that extended beyond basic vocabulary.

_Maybe I should try and learn some Japanese._

 

Sprawled on the floor leaning against Dave’s bed, John had fallen asleep midway through a session of the Ghostbusters game, and now he was getting his ass kicked. The sound effects were kind of annoying, so Dave leaned over and muted his laptop.

The sudden silence in the room made Dave notice something. There was a really annoying sniffling sound coming from the other side of the wall.

 

 _Whatever._ He rolled onto his side, pulling the covers over himself, and settled down to sleep. But the noise continued.

Eventually it irked him enough to haul himself up and dig around for his phone, locating it under a pile of crappy movie posters that he had been forced to tear down from the wall earlier that day.

(Look, he let John decorate his side of the room however he wanted, but the guy kept putting the Armageddon poster up in a spot that was pretty much on Dave’s side, and like hell he was going to be able to get any decent sleep under Bruce Willis’ surly visage.)

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began chatting with carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: that your sinuses i can hear being broadcast from the other room or solluxs?  
TG: dudes lisp is so bad i wouldnt be surprised if he was blocked up too but you never know winter is upon us after all  
TG: or is it  
TG: who fucking knows this is the moon and its also no moon i ever knew  
TG: not that i ever set foot on earths moon just to clarify  
TG: but i felt like i was pretty palsy with it whenever it was hanging up there with its smugass white face and all wolves howling under it and shit  
TG: i miss the old moon i feel like i didnt appreciate it enough  
TG: wonder if anyone is looking up at this moon  
TG: like is alternia even populated  
TG: imagine if theres some alternian couple sharing a romantic moment hand in hand looking up at the green moon i bet they have no idea theres a school of magical idiots hanging out on it with probably at least one person jerking off right now inside  
TG: is it you karkat?  
TG: are you the one jerking off?  
TG: is that the sound i can hear right now??  
TG: its not very sexy sorry  
CG: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS?  
CG: YOU KNOW HOW SUSPECT IT LOOKS, RIGHT? YOU *MUST* BE ABLE TO TELL.  
CG: EVEN YOU COULDN’T BE THAT DENSE.  
TG: what  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, NEVER MIND. YEAH, SORRY. THAT’S ME MAKING THAT NOISE.  
CG: I’LL TRY TO KEEP IT DOWN.  
TG: have you got a cold or something  
TG: did you catch it from our little impromptu dip in the sea  
TG: its been over two weeks now your immune system must be shit  
CG: MY IMMUNE SYSTEM IS FLAWLESS, THANKS, CRAPBAG! BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A COLD. YOU’RE JUST WRONG.  
CG: AS USUAL.  
TG: bullshit  
TG: i can hear you sniffling as i type this  
CG: IF YOU WOULD JUST DEVELOP SOME FUCKING TACT AND READ BETWEEN THE LINES HERE, THAT WOULD BE STELLAR.  
TG: oh  


 

Dave paused in his typing. He knew he should probably say something, but he didn’t know what.

Through the wall, it sounded like the sniffing had suddenly gotten awkwardly muffled, like whoever was doing it had clapped a hand over their mouth. He was forced to remember that Karkat slept basically beside him. It was a fact that he spent most nights trying his hardest to forget.

_It’s kind of like we’re sleeping together in a double bed except there’s a wall between us and the wall isn’t a metaphor for a loveless marriage it’s just an actual literal wall._

His phone dinged.

 

CG: YEAH, YOU GOT IT. NOW WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, THANKS.  


 

He looked at that message for a second, considering something. Then he made his decision without even really thinking about it. 

 

TG: nah i mean we already got such a good flow going here i dont see why we would stop  
TG: first rule of rap k-man  
TG: never interrupt the flow  
CG: EXCEPT WE’RE NOT RAPPING.  
TG: some say all the worlds a rap  
TG: and all the men and women merely playas  
CG: I’M GOING TO BED.  
TG: no youre not cmon  
CG: DAVE I AM TIRED.  
TG: you cant be all that tired if you responded in the first place  
CG: FOR THE RECORD, I WASN’T PLANNING ON RESPONDING. IT’S MORE LIKE YOU WORE ME DOWN WITH THE SHEER NUMBER OF NOTIFICATIONS YOU UPENDED ALL OVER ME.  
TG: im good at that  
CG: YEAH YOU SURE FUCKING ARE.  
CG: IF I HAD TO GIVE YOU ONE COMPLIMENT IT WOULD BE THAT YOU TAKE DOUBLE TEXTING TO A NEW LEVEL.  
TG: what can i say im verbose  
TG: it runs in the family  
CG: YEAH, THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD TALK MORE HIND LEGS OFF MORE DONKEYS THAN YOU IS YOUR SISTER.  
CG: OR POSSIBLY ME. IRONICALLY.  
TG: yeah well she might seem like she recently digested a dictionary but you just KNOW rose has kanaya hanging on her every word like she actually thinks all that psychology mumbo jumbo is charming  
CG: IF YOU’RE TRYING TO TRICK ME INTO SAYING YOUR MOTORMOUTHING IS EQUALLY AS CHARMING THEN BELIEVE ME, YOU’RE GOING TO BE WAITING ALL NIGHT.  
TG: damn it  
TG: foiled outta the gate  


 

Dave leaned back. The mention of family had made him consider telling Karkat about the newest revelation concerning Roxy and Dirk.

He wondered how the dude would react upon hearing that Kankri and the Signless were basically his clone-family. It would be a hard blow for anyone to learn that they were related to Kankri.

But, looking at the clock, which showed it was close to midnight, he decided that if there was ever a right time it wasn’t now. They had class tomorrow. And this was something that was probably safer when it was kept between a select group of people. Specifically Strilondes. 

 

TG: so  
TG: you all alone in there?  
CG: WHY ARE YOU ASKING THAT?  
CG: YOU’RE NOT GOING TO START SEXTING ME, ARE YOU?  
TG: god no  
CG: THANK FUCK.  
TG: why would you even think that  
CG: LOOK, YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO CAREFUL.  
TG: eridan?  
CG: ERIDAN.  
TG: so im guessing just from contextual clues that sollux has most likely fucked off somewhere  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: HE’S GONE TO FEFERI’S ROOM FOR THE NIGHT.  
TG: illicit  
CG: I’LL SAY.  
CG: I KIND OF WISH HE WAS HERE ACTUALLY.  
CG: NOT FOR ANY WEIRD REASON. IT’S JUST THAT I LOST MY USB CABLE FIRST WEEK AT THIS PLACE SO I USE HIM TO CHARGE MY PHONE INSTEAD.  
TG: need me a friend like that  
TG: so uh  
TG: is your battery low then  
CG: AS FUCK.  
CG: I’M CURRENTLY TEETERING PRECARIOUSLY ON TWO PERCENT.  
TG: in that case i guess ill have to let you go  
TG: like the fiftieth fucking sea bass in a game of animal crossing  
TG: i mean why waste precious screen brightness on me when you could be using it to play five more minutes of some candy crush ripoff or setting yourself a digital reminder to skip sociology class  
TG: also i should probably tuck egbert into bed before he gets an actual cold  
CG: HE FELL ASLEEP OUTSIDE OF HIS BED?  
TG: yeah  
TG: little guy tuckered himself out playing video games cause hes an actual ten year old  
TG: hes not as bad as jade but hes always had no regard for time and place when it comes to zonking the fuck out to go visit dreamland and also its just that nobodys as bad at that as jade  
TG: so its usually up to me to drag his supine ass onto an appropriate nap platform  
CG: THAT IS KIND OF ADORABLE.  
TG: yeah im cute as fuck  
CG: I WAS TALKING ABOUT JOHN, ASSWIPE.  
TG: hes ok too i guess  
TG: anyway peace out ive got a one way ticket to dreamland myself and an 8am tomorrow  
CG: OK. GOODNIGHT.  
TG: see ya  
CG: WOW, WOULD YOU LOOK AT US, ENDING A CONVERSATION LIKE NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS.  
CG: HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE? I THINK NOT.  
TG: nah usually someone gets blocked and reported across multiple platforms  
TG: night  
CG: YEAH. NIGHT.  


turntechGodhead [TG] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

turntechGodhead [TG] unblocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: just kidding  
CG: FUCKER.  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked turntechGodhead [TG]

 

 

As Dave turned over to sleep, he couldn’t help but notice that the sniffling had stopped.

 

 

The next morning, in detention, another small miracle happened. Dave actually made Karkat laugh for the first time.

(Ok, yeah, it was more _at_ him than _with_ him. But he still counted it.)

 

The session had started out in silence like usual. Today they had been assigned student profiles to sort. The office was darkened by the rain outside – a first since they had arrived on the green moon.

Dave was staring down with a mild amount of interest at the profile on the top of his own pile (who knew Equius lived in Boston? He did. He knew that now, and he wished he didn’t) when a snort from the other side of the room attracted his attention.

He turned, glad for any form of distraction at this point. “What?”

Despite clearly hearing him, Karkat didn’t explain. He was staring down at one of the sheets of paper with an expression that looked like a mixture of amazement and disgust.

_Well, I gotta see whatever’s responsible for that expression._

After checking the landscape for Snowman (all clear, if only temporarily), Dave got out of his seat and approached Karkat’s desk.

“Hey, that’s my profile!”

His own face stared up at him several times over. _Ah, I totally forgot I sent those photos in when they asked for identification. Damn I’m funny._

“What the hell are these!?” Karkat said, unable to tear his eyes off them. _Understandable._

“Don’t tell me this is your first time seeing an ironic selfie.”

“Wait, are you in a car in this one?” Karkat said, picking up one of the prints and squinting at it. “How did you take a selfie through a car window? _Why_ did you take a selfie through a car window? And what the fuck is happening in this one, is that a stuffed toy?”

“It’s a smuppet. They’re a very different thing.”

“Oh my god, I – ” Karkat laughed sharply, covering his face with his hand. “I just noticed. You didn’t even take these on a phone, these are actual photos taken on a professional-grade camera, which you must’ve gone through all the trouble of developing in a darkroom. All for the sake of these terrible low-quality shots of your deadpan – ”

He noticed that Dave was staring at him suddenly. “What?”

“I just – no, it can’t be…” Dave shook his head.

“Care to fill me in on what ‘it can’t be’, fuckface?”

“There’s no way that can be the first time I’ve ever seen you smile.” He tilted his head back, squeezing his eyes shut and racking his brain. “God damn, I think it is. That’s so tragic. Seriously, Karkat, if you don’t start taking it easy you’re really gonna blow a fuse one of these days.”

“I am taking it easy!” Karkat snapped, closing the file and folding his arms. “You don’t know me. I’m so laid back I’m basically recumbent.”

“No you’re not, you’re the least easy-going guy I’ve ever met, and that’s saying something ‘cause I’ve met Equius. Man, you need to start being happy every once in a while.”

“Wow, I didn’t realise it was that simple!” Karkat laughed bitterly. “Thanks, Strider. Thank God I’ve got you here to figure this shit out!”

Wearing a shit-eating grin himself now, Dave pointed. “See, look, there! You laughed again. It was sacrastic but that’s a start at least.”

 

With Karkat mere seconds away from what would definitely have been another iconic shitfit, the door crashed open and Snowman started yelling at both of them for slacking off. 

 

From that point onward, Dave couldn’t help but pay special attention to Karkat whenever the two of them passed each other fleetingly. He noticed how he hung out with Gamzee when no-one else would, and managed to get along with both Sollux and Eridan even though the two of them hated each other’s guts, and that he humored Nepeta’s tea parties and Tavros’ card games and was John’s partner of choice when it came to organising shitty movie-viewing parties.

 

“He’s actually quite popular,” Dave realised aloud one day. He was sitting on the lawn with Jade, watching her try to whistle on a blade of grass. Rose hadn’t been feeling well for a few days and was staying holed up in her room, so he had been forced to venture out and track down his elusive disappearing childhood friend for a long-overdue hangout.

It was freezing cold out, but that had never bothered Jade. She made them go outside to get some ‘fresh air!!!’.

_Yep, this air is fresh alright. The only thing fresher than this air is my beats._

Jade paused in her own musical attempts for a second, cocking her head to the side in a doglike way. She had moss in her black hair and it made her look even more adorable than usual. “Yeah! Karkat’s crabby as hell but that doesn’t stop him from being a pretty sociable guy.” She paused, fiddling with the grass. “Actually, to be honest, I think he liked me for a bit.”

Dave was glad for his sunglasses suddenly, because they disguised most of his double-take. “Karkat did? What do you mean, ‘like’?”

Jade giggled. “Like like-like!” She blew the blade of grass away and pulled her knees up to her chest, pouting. “Don’t get me wrong, I like him too. Not like that! But… you know, I would probably think about it if he weren’t such a grump all the time!”

“Think about it?” Dave said, still grappling with his surprise. "Dating him?”

“Yeah! I used to hate him back when we were on the forums because he just used to rant at me all the time. But he’s apologised for all that now. And other than his crabbiness, he’s actually pretty cute!”

Even though it was damp, Dave leaned back on the grass and stared up at the sky. During the day, it was possible to see the craters on Alternia’s grey surface. “Huh. I didn’t even know the two of you spoke to each other.”

Jade sighed. “Really, Dave, you’ve been so distracted since we got here!”

“I guess so.”

“It probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway.” She lay down next to him, staring upwards, too. “Terezi said he was a _terrible_ boyfriend.”

 

 

The conversation bothered Dave for the rest of the day. He couldn’t focus, even during music, which was usually his favorite class, and Droog sent him away early to cool his head.

It hurt more than he thought it would to realise that Jade was all grown up and not the forgetful ten year old he had developed a painful preteen crush on. Part of him had always assumed that she liked him back in some kind of way, and probably always would. It was a blow to have that illusion shattered.

But he also realised it wasn’t fair. He couldn’t keep Jade around like a backup option, just in case nobody better came along. She was smart and silly and endlessly positive, and he knew that she deserved the chance to find someone who appreciated that fully without being dumb and insecure about it and waiting around to ask her out until it was too late. And if that guy was Karkat – which he still hoped against hope it wouldn’t be – so be it.

 _Still._ He let himself mope about it for a bit. Just internally, though. No one would ever have to know how much he was ruffled by her not-even-really-a-rejection.

 

Except, unfortunately, Terezi, who was the one person he was currently hanging out with.

“You’re all alarm bells tonight, Strider, what happened? I can hear you whizzing even over your pre-recorded jams.” She was bopping her head as she said this, a pair of headphones fitted over her ears. With her usual nonchalant attitute, she had wormed her way into his room after dinner, and was now fiddling around with his turntables. This was giving him some anxiety.

_Fuck, her nails are sharp and also worryingly close to my beautiful baby._

Sprawled on the bed, trying to get some chemistry homework done, Dave tipped his head over backwards to look at her. His glasses almost slid off, but he caught them just in time. “So wait, you can hear my thoughts but not understand them? I’ll never get how your powers work, TZ, not even if you wrote me an instruction manual.”

Terezi giggled, haphazardly pulling the headphones off and letting them hang around her neck. Her face was disconcerting from upside-down. “Dave, honestly, I don’t know if I could even explain. With my blindness and my mind reading, it’s like my senses are completely different to yours. I guess, if I had to compare them, I’d say – you’re at a distance now, so it’s like you’re mumbling under your breath and I can sort of make out the words but not really. But, if I got closer – ”

 

She slipped away from the turntables and joined Dave on the bed, pushing aside some papers to make space for herself. “There. Now I can hear you much better. I know you’re thinking about Avogadro’s law and covalent bonds, and you’re also worried about me breaking your turntables if I touch them again.”

Groaning, Dave pressed his hands over his temples, as if that was going to protect his thoughts in some way. “Aw man, stop it. Feels like you’re rummaging around in my underwear drawer or something and I can’t do shit to stop you.”

Terezi laughed and smacked his hands away fondly. “Don’t worry, it’s like this all the time for me. I’m good at shutting it out unless I want to hear it. Otherwise there wouldn’t be space in my head for my own thoughts!”

She leaned in, grinning. He noticed that she was wearing blue lipstick. _How the hell did she put that on so neatly. I couldn’t do that, and I’m not blind._

“It’s Vriska’s, and she helped me put it on,” Terezi answered. It took Dave a second to realise that he hadn’t spoken out loud.

“Fuck man,” he complained, making Terezi’s smile wider.

“Why, do you like it?”

“Uh, it’s nice enough. I feel kinda bad, though. You really didn’t have to dress up just to come visit my room. I mean, here I am in my boxers and one of John’s hoodies looking like I crawled out of a dumpster behind an Arby’s.”

“I like how you look!” Terezi said. “Anyway, you didn’t answer my question. Why’s your head all fuzzy today?”

“Oh, that.” Dave looked away. He kind of thought he had successfully managed to dodge that bullet. But nothing got past Terezi. “It really isn’t important. I was just thinking about a conversation I had earlier today. With Jade.”

“Well, don’t be such a tease! What about?”

He paused, then figured she probably already knew the answer since his mind was basically screaming it despite his attempts. “Karkat.”

It might have just been his imagination, but it seemed like she leant back a fraction. Her mouth twisted downwards. “Oh, right.”

“If you’re going to talk smack about him, I’ll just warn you, his bed’s on the other side of that wall and he can probably hear everything we’re saying right now. Provided he’s in. Which he usually is.”

Terezi sat back, her head bumping against the wall.

“It doesn’t really matter,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not holding a grudge against him or anything. We just don’t hang out much anymore.”

Going back to his chemistry worksheet, Dave hummed in agreement, quietly hoping she wouldn’t continue the thought any further. _I’m really not good at giving relationship advice, it turns out._

She went on anyway. “I don’t know, maybe we’ll get over it and be friends again, maybe we won’t. Honestly, I’m starting to think that we’re just not really that good for each other. Our powers make us a big mess together.”

Dave stopped writing. “Huh?”

Terezi looked down at him with her unseeing eyes. “What?”

“His powers, you just said his powers.”

“I did, yeah.”

“You know what his powers are?”

“Well, duh. I can read minds.” She tapped the front of her glasses, frowning.

He hadn’t even thought of that. “I guess fucking so.”

She shrugged, readjusting herself and dumping a whole load of his textbooks onto the floor. “And even if I couldn’t, he told me of his own volition. Believe it or not, we used to get along, once upon a time.” She frowned, troubled. “I did love him.”

 

Dave was silent, looking back down at his work again. Suddenly, a hand materialised on his back and he was startled to find Terezi leaning over him, teeth bared in her sharklike grin. Her glasses had slid down to the end of her nose again, making his heart jolt in his chest.

“Oh Dave, you’re just _dying_ for me to tell you what they are!” she said delightedly. “How adorable. Well, I can’t, you know that. It’s not fair on Karkat.”

“Yeah, I know.” Dave shut his eyes even though he knew she couldn’t see them. “And I know you’re not going to stop it because you couldn’t even if you wanted to, but for the record I still hate your mind shit. I can feel you trying to push your way in right now.”

“I’m not, I’m not!” She cacked, leaning in closer and putting a hand on his cheek.

The contact went through him like electric. She grinned.

"Well, now I am. Heheh." Her thumb moved, pressing into his cheek. "Eye contact, skin contact, both of those make the shape of your thoughts clearer to me. But, since you won’t take your glasses off, it’s always harder for me to get a read on you unless your brain is really shouting." She leaned in more, and their noses were almost touching. "Which, by the way, it is right now."

 

Then, to nobody’s surprise but Dave’s, kissing was happening. Terezi was warm and smelled overpoweringly strongly of artificial cherry.

 _I don’t hate it,_ Dave thought numbly. The thought filled him with relief.

After he thought that, Terezi pulled back a bit but stayed close, her red hair touching his face. To his alarm – based on her worryingly sharp canines – she grinned and leant down to kiss his neck. He remembered that with their skin touching she could probably hear everything he was thinking.

_Okay. This is fine. Kissing. This is what everyone does. This is what Sollux and Feferi are probably doing right now. Whatever you do, don’t freak out._

He kept calm.

 _Bro wouldn’t freak out,_ he told himself. _Bro’s probably kissed loads of women. It ain’t no big thing to him. But wait, isn’t Dirk genetically identical to Bro? Does that mean Bro’s gay? Well I guess that’s getting into Rose’s whole thing of whether gayness is genetic – eurgh -_

Terezi pulled away. “What’s happening, coolkid? Your head got busy all of a sudden.”

“Uh, nothing,” Dave said, and instead of watching her expression morph into one that said, _‘oh, come on, really?’_ , he propped himself up on his elbows and kissed her back.

 

 

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] opened group discussion titled "ship: SUNGLASSES POWER COUPLE CONFRIMED" on board SKAIANET.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] opened discussion to ALL SKAIANET USERS except turntechGodhead [TG] and gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TG: big news!!!!  
TG: oh wait  


tipsyGnostalgic [TG] retitled group discussion “*CONFIRMED”.

TG: big news!!!!  
TG: meulin hoist the MIZZEN and batten the HATCHES and update the shipping chart or whatever it is yuo do when the good ship LOVE pulls into the dick  
TG: *dock lol  
TG: cause word on the street says that everyones fave couple has recently made things……  
TG: ……official :3  
avidCarnivore [AC] responded to discussion.  
AC: \\(^`ω´^)/ < !!!!!!!!!!!!  
ectoBiologist [EB] responded to discussion.  
EB: sorry, but who is our favorite couple?  
EB: i guess i wasn't filled in when that memo went round :o  
EB: also is there any particular reason that you just added us all to this huge group chat?  
TG: john youre a newbie in these parts so ill let you off for not knowing about the romantic betting pool  
TG: but its some BIG SHIT when people get 2gether round here  
TG: like we gotta find some enterntainment on the moon!! so when ppl start wit the sloppy makeouts you better believe its really important that EVERYOENS gotta know  
EB: oh, ok.  
EB: so… who is macking on who this time?  
TG: john look at the chat titte!!  
TG: *tittle  
TG: *title omg  
EB: 8O  
conscionablyGarrulous [CG] responded to discussion.  
CG: R9xy, y9u kn9w h9w distasteful I find these instances wherein y9u place 6ets up9n pe9ple’s em9ti9ns.  
CG: Did we learn n9thing fr9m last year?  
TG  banned CG from responding to discussion.  
TG: lol  
arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to discussion.  
AG: Huh. Didn't see that one coming.  
AG: I’ll 8et my magic 8 8all they won’t last the year.  
EB: your magic b-ball?  
AG: No!!!!!!!!  
TG: now thats the spirit virska!  
TG: how about i raise the stakes  
TG: like a  
TG: umm  
TG: VAMPIRE in an ELERATOR  
TG: snicker  
TG: and bet a bottle of my finest vodka that they WILL last to the end of the year  
AG: I’d say you’re on. ::::)  
gardenGnostic [GG] responded to discussion.  
GG: roxy, when you asked me to make you a moderator on skaianet this is not what I was expecting  
GG: it is…………   
GG: even better!!!!  
TG: :D  
GG: and i am soooooooo happy for dave and terezi!!  
TG: me too  
TG: i am proud as hell of my baby boy and his sharptoothed salivating gf  
TG: ;_;  
TG: so good luck to them!!!!  
TG: esp since i have a bottle of vodka riding on it lmaoo  
AC: |(^TωT^)/*** < *AC THROWS FLOWER PETALS ON THE HAPPY NEWLY INSTATED COUPLE!*  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned himself from responding to discussion.  



	9. Chapter 9

The next Tuesday Mituna woke up and it seemed like something in him had snapped.

Everyone filed in at some point over the week to stand around that cramped little bed in the medical wing, but it was no use. He couldn’t understand anything anyone said to him. Whenever there was a noise that was too close or some unwanted light managed to creep in through the shutters and hit his eyes, he would thrash and swear until the Dolorosa rushed in with something to calm him down.

He ended up littered in bruises. His girlfriend slept upright in the chair next to him, but he didn’t really notice. Or if he did, he didn’t let on.

 

 

Kanaya knocked on the door again.

“Rose? I do hate to be pushy about this but it has been three days now. I’m worried about you.”

There was the sound of clattering, then someone swearing, then more clattering. But the door still didn’t open.

_“Kan… Kangaya?”_

Kanaya frowned. There was something strange about Rose’s muffled voice. “Um. Yes? That is my name. Or… not.”

The door sprung open. Rose stood in it, swaying slightly. Her hair was unbrushed and her reddish face completely free of makeup. She clearly hadn’t been to class that day, either, since she was still wearing her squiddles pyjamas. “It ISH you! Nakaya!”

Torn between feeling pleased to see her crush and best friend for the first time in days and slightly worried, Kanaya craned her neck to look over Rose’s shoulder. Aradia and Rose always kept their room dimly lit – they were both just that kind of girl – but it was obvious to see the glint of glass bottles nestled in the midst of all the mess.

She took a closer look at Rose’s flushed face. “Rose… are you drunk?”

“Nope!” Rose said, holding onto the doorframe for leverage.

“Oh dear, that is exactly what drunk people say.” 

 

After a polite pause, Kanaya decided to let herself in since Rose seemed currently incapable of it. Surveying the state of the place with horrified disgust, she chose to stand and frown at the half-empty bottles and mugs strewn around the place rather than taking her usual spot on the edge of Rose’s bed.

“Who on earth has been providing you with all these spirits?” she demanded, as Rose turned happily on the spot and plopped down cross-legged on the floor, letting the door snap shut behind her.

“Mom!” Rose answered, then caught herself and giggled. “Wait, no, not mom! She jusht likes her midday martinis too… noooo, _Roxy. Roxy_ gave me these.”

“Roxy? Hm.” Kanaya made a mental note to deal with that girl later. Then she looked around herself. “And speaking of spirits, where is your Ouija board of a roommate might I ask?”

Rose blinked, as if noticing that the two of them were alone in the room for the first time. “Aradia’sh not here. Out… adventuring!”

“I see. So you’ve had nobody to stop you from… enjoying your, well, ‘midday martinis’, as you put it.”

Hearing the disapproval in her voice, Rose wilted. “Pleash. Don’t be mad. I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad,” Kanaya lied.

“You are!”

“No, I’m not. I just don’t understand why you’re drinking at 3pm and why you haven’t contacted me in days.”

Rose guiltily fiddled with a stray mug which still contained some clear, strong-smelling fluid. Kanaya noted that she didn’t quite look like herself; inebriation aside, there was an exhaustedness in Rose’s posture that she had never seen before.

“I… can’t not.” She said. “I need it.”

“What on earth for.”

“…Distaction.”

Kanaya thought about that for a second. “Dis…traction? From what?”

 

At that, Rose lurched upright and approached a wary Kanaya, now perched hesitantly on the bed. She tensed up when the drunk girl slammed her hands on her shoulders, leaning down to speak right in her face with utter seriousness. Even though she smelled awfully of gin, it still made Kanaya blush.

“ _Kingaya_ ,” Rose said. _That wasn’t even close that time,_ Kanaya thought. “ _Listen._ This place is rotten to the _core_. I… know it. And I don’t trust him, not as far as I could throw him, that smug in… insufra…” She collected herself, then tried again. “…Inshufflable bastard!”

“…Are you referring to Doc Scratch?”

“Duuuh, who else!” Rose exaggeratedly rolled her eyes in a manner that would’ve betrayed her drunkenness if the empty bottles hadn’t already done the job.

_I wish she were this expressive when sober. Well, no, that’s not entirely true. Her refined mystique is all part of her charm._

Snapping back to attention, Kanaya paused as she tried to put everything Rose was saying together. She struggled somewhat. “You’re drinking because you don’t trust Doc Scratch?” Giving up, she shook her head. “Forgive me, but I believe there are other ways to go about handling distrust of someone.”

“Nooooo! It’s not just that,” Rose moaned. Then she put her head in her hands, making Kanaya’s heart ache. “I… can’t. I feel shitty, I haven’t slept in days.”

Kanaya frowned, sympathetic. That explained the dark circles.

She stood up, making a move to smooth out the rumpled bedsheets and fluff up the pillows. “Well sleeping would be a start. Here, I’ll clean all these bottles off your bed and then we can get you – ” 

 

Someone grabbed her hands. She looked up to find that someone was, predictably, Rose.

“I won’t!” Rose said, sounding panicked. “I can’t. I’m having… terribubble dreams.” She paused. Kanaya just waited silently, knowing that she was about to say something important. “…About Scratch. And the green sun.”

“…Rose. I understand that you are quite bladdered right now but please don’t make me repeat your words back at you like a dumb parrot. Explain to me, what is the green sun?”

Frustrated, Rose pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “I don’t know! I just see it, every night, in all my dreams – and when I wake up, too! And the word ‘SCRATCH’, over and over and over, in big letters like it was… ETCHED into the universe itshelf – ” She clutched at her head. Her speech was getting more and more slurred, and she looked suddenly close to bursting into tears.

Kanaya let her eyes wander over to Rose’s laptop, which was sitting open on the bed beside her copy of _The Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious._ It was clear that she had been doing days’ worth of research. There were more sticky notes on the open page of the book than there were words. 

 

The room was silent for a second. “You’re stressed,” Kanaya said quietly. “Is this place bothering you that much? You should’ve told me sooner.”

Rose jumped up. It was clear that had been the wrong thing to say. “I’m not stressed! Well, I am, but not because… not in the way you think I am! There’s something wrong and I know it, and I’m gonna prove it and make you see – ”

Kanaya reached out, trying to soothe her. “Rose, please – ”

“No!” Rose cried, agitated. “I foresee things! If I say something’s wrong, then you should listen to me! I know – ”

Kanaya was torn. The desperation in Rose’s tone was hurting her, but it all sounded so unbelievable. _Green sun? Scratch? …But, she is a psychic._ “I’ll… If you tell me this when you’re sober, then I’ll listen.”

Rose grabbed one of her wrists. “No! No, listen to me now!”

Without shaking her off, Kanaya stood up and started looking around with motherly concern. “I’ll get you some water. Alcohol is a diuretic, so you’re probably dehydrated – ”

“Urgh!” Rose said from behind her, throwing her hands out in exasperation.

Kanaya went on, now distracted with trying to think up a ways to look after Rose. “Actually, I think energy drinks are supposed to be good for sobering up fast – ah, never mind.” She almost laughed, but stifled it when she realised it wouldn’t be appropriate. “For a second there I forgot where we were.”

“On the goddamned green moon,” Rose grumbled. “Green, green, green.” She flopped back onto the bed, sheltering her eyes with the crook of her arm. “I’m not gonna sober up. I don’t _want_ to.”

Alarmed, Kanaya reached out and stopped her as she made to take a horizontal swig of straight gin from one of the mugs. “That’s! …not a good idea. You might black out if you have any more.”

“Good!” Rose said, sitting up suddenly. The gin spilled all over the front of her pyjamas, but she didn’t seem to notice. “I hope my liver _evinscerates_ itself and I die a horrible bloody death with my guts all everywhere just so I don’t have to see that green sun again.”

“Oh dear. What an awful thing to say.”

Instead of responding, Rose tried to down the mug’s contents again, despite the fact that it was practically empty now.

“Please, don’t drink that, come on.”

Rose shook off her meddling, petulant. “I’ll do what I want, _mom_!”

Wincing at the taste, she successfully managed to swallow the mouthful of gin. A few seconds later, she covered her mouth, clearly holding back the urge to gag.

 

 _Right,_ Kanaya thought grimly. _I don’t think I’m going to be of any help here. Quite honestly, I don’t think she’ll let me._

She stood up with a sigh. The smell of alcohol was suddenly making her nauseous. “I’m leaving, Rose, I don’t want to argue with you. Please come talk to me once you sober up.”

An unopened champagne bottle rolled out from under a blanket when Kanaya stepped over it. She glared down at the bottle, then reached down and picked it up, intending to take it with her. _One less bottle for Rose._

“No, you can’t leave!” To her surprise, Rose suddenly latched onto her sleeve with a pleading gaze. “Please, I’m not letting you, I want you to stay and listen to me, _nobody will listen –_ ”

“Rose, come on, let go, I – ” 

 

Kanaya paused, miserable. Those were definitely tears in Rose’s eyes.

 

“You really don’t believe me?” Rose said in a small voice.

Her face crumpled up when Kanaya didn’t say anything.

“Rose… ”

“I can’t believe you think I’m _lying_ , that the green sun is a _lie_ – ”

Looking desperately towards the door, Kanaya tried to prise the other girl’s fingers off without hurting her feelings. “Rose, I don’t think you’re lying - "

It didn’t work. “I thought _you_ would believe me – ”

“Rose, let go – ” She struggled, but Rose was being unusually persistent.

“ _Kanaya_ , don’t you _love_ – ”

“ROSE!”

 

As soon as Kanaya shouted, there was a sudden high-pitched whine, a moment of silence, and then every single bottle in the room smashed into thousands of shards, all at once. 

 

A wave of champagne cascaded over Kanaya’s front as the bottle in her hands split. There was a dent where the cork had hit the wall.

 

 

The two of them stood there, completely frozen. Kanaya’s eyes flickered over to the eviscerated remains of a wine bottle, then down to the shattered champagne bottle in her hands, still leaking froth.

_Was… was that me?_

“Oh fuck.” Kanaya offered, shakily.

Rose was silent, so she added, “I… I’ve never moved that many objects before.”

Stunned, Rose reached up and touched her own cheek. It was wet with blood where one of the flying shards had nicked her face.

Kanaya wanted to reach fumble in her pockets for her hankie to help wipe the blood away, but she found herself totally frozen. “Rose, I’m… I’m so sorry – ”

 

Finally, Rose found her voice. “Kanaya, you…” She looked down at the blood on her fingertips. “You should go. I think. Yeah. Please go.” She sounded a lot more coherent than a few minutes ago. The shock must’ve sobered her up.

Kanay went to say something, but then Rose’s violet eyes flicked up and Kanaya, with horror, recognised the emotion flashing in them as fear. And even though every bone in her body was telling her not to, she found herself obeying.

But, before she left, she forced herself to turn back. “Rose, I – I don’t want to leave without telling you that I really didn’t mean to do that.”

 

“Okay. I believe you.” Rose said, but her voice was faint. “…Goodbye.” 

 

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began chatting with tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: hey rose?  
TT is idle.  
TG: yeah thats about what i expected  
TG: anyway  
TG: i guess it couldnt hurt to leave the textual equivalent of an answering machine message for when you do inevitably open this up  
TG: so  
TG: talk to me as soon as you can ok  
TG: preferably in person but online works too i guess  
TG: and just let me know that youre still alive with a heartbeat and a working liver and stuff  
TG: and that everythings okay  
TG: ok?  
TG: see ya  


turntechGodhead [TG] ceased chatting with tentacleTherapist [TT]

 

Days passed. The kids got into the swing of classes. The corridors started not to feel so strange, even though everyone still constantly got lost just to have an excuse to be late to class. Dave and Karkat’s shared detention sessions returned to being held in silence once more, and then stopped when Snowman ran out of files to make them sort.

Rose didn’t text Dave back.

 

With Slick as the new head of the East Wing, fun bedroom hangouts became a thing of the past. Well, not really. That lasted for all of a week before the girls figured out a route through the ceiling vents that led them to one of the stalls in the boys’ bathroom. After one very uncomfortable incident involving Tavros, everyone in the East Wing figured out that you shouldn’t use that stall anymore.

 

 

“Dave I want to be King Boo!” Terezi said from her position nestled under Dave’s arm. She, along with Vriska, Jade and Nepeta, had snuck into the boys’ wing after dinner smelling like bathroom vents. Now she was sprawled across Dave’s bed, eating off-brand Cheetos and losing at Mario Kart.

“You are King Boo,” Dave assured her. “I selected him for you.”

“No, you’re lying! I can smell that you’re lying, it’s coming off you in waves!”

“Yeah, you’re playing as Wario, Terezi,” John said, without even looking up from where he was reconnecting the controllers. “Dave is King Boo.”

Terezi started wrestling Dave, inflicting a lot of damage with her sharp elbows. “Traitor! Give me your controller!”

Dave refused to give over. Luckily he was just a bit taller than her so he could hold it out of her reach. “Why does it matter who you play as, anyway? You always drive the whole course backwards.”

“I don’t care, King Boo is my character! You always play as Peach for the ‘ironies’, why do you want to be King Boo all of a sudden.”

“Can’t a guy just be King Boo sometimes without everyone getting on his back?”

Vriska snapped. “The next person who says the words King Boo is getting mind controlled and thrown out of the window!”

 

Vriska had been forced to sit on the ground, and was clearly annoyed that Nepeta had wormed her way in between her and John. Even though everyone used to pile onto Dave’s bed, which was closest to the TV, they now all respectfully left space for only Dave and Terezi. It was something to do with them being a couple, maybe. It made Dave slightly uncomfortable.

_Really. It looks like we’re king and queen of all these fools._

“Yeah, right, Vriska,” Terezi said, stopping in her struggle to shoot her friend a smug knowing look. “All your threats are totally empty now, because you _know_ if you use your powers again outside of lessons you’re in detention polishing basketballs with Boxcars for a week.”

Vriska twitched. It was obvious Terezi had hit a nerve. “Hey, not my fault this bullshit prissy fake school wants to stunt my growth as a superperson!”

“But it _is_ your own fault. You mind-controlled the Condesce into giving you the key to the school treasury. What were you even going to spend all that money on, anyway?”

“Pyrope that is not the point! It’s the _sweet loot_ that matters. Besides, it just shows that I must be _way_ more powerful than all the rest of you losers if they’re putting a handicap on me just halfway through first year.”

Dave shook his controller, barely listening to their conversation, as an explosion took up his quarter of the screen. “Terezi if you use one more blue shell on me I’m going to rage-quit so hard that nobody will be able to play Mario Kart ever again I swear to god.”

“You snooze you lose!” Terezi cackled, leaning over to lick his ear. He recoiled, and his character went spinning into a black hole.

“Fuck.”

Vriska snorted. She was currently winning by merit of being incredibly lucky when it came to the random item selection. She _never_ got banana peels. “Hey, you two, would you stop being adorable over there? It’s kind of making me want to stare at the sun until my eyes burn out just so I don’t have to look at you.”

Dave felt Terezi flinch beside him at the word ‘eyes’. When he looked over, she was gripping the controller uncomfortably hard.

“Nice one Vriska!” She said, voice thick with sarcasm. “Good metaphor.”

“Whaaaaaaaat?” Vriska said, mock-innocent. “What did I do?”

“Nothing. Just the usual. For example, digging up old wounds!” Terezi pointed to her blank eyes viciously, wearing a sardonic grin. “Wounds that you yourself created!”

Vriska flipped her hair in the way she always did when she was just about to say something really shitty. “Oh please, you’ve admitted yourself that I did you a favor.”

Terezi stiffened up. “You _bi_ – ”

 

Jade stood up suddenly. “Ugh, I am so BORED of Mario Kart! Isn’t there anything else we could do?”

Everyone stopped and looked at her. John quietly paused and reset the game while everyone was distracted. (He had been coming in seventh.)

Terezu frowned. “But we always play Mario Kart on a Thursday.”

“I know! That’s kind of the point. I just really feel like doing something different tonight!” Jade turned her gaze towards the window, wistful. “Don’t you feel cooped up here? It’s fun being with everyone and all, but there’s so much I can’t do. I can’t even grow vegetables here. And I miss Bec!”

“The only thing that’s missing is a bullet from that hellbeast’s brain,” Dave mumbled under his breath.

Jade heard him, though. “Bec is very friendly!”

“Uh, why are _you_ feeling cooped up? Out of all of us, you’re the only one who has free rein of the place.” Vriska pointed out. As she said it, a wicked smile stole over her face. “Hey, wait, that gives me an idea!”

“Oh, no,” Terezi snapped, clearly still pissed at her. “Yet another world-renowned Serket idea. You know, the ones that never cause disaster?”

Vriska ignored her. “None of us have ever gone inside Doc Scratch’s office, right? But Jade, you could do it! If you used your powers, you could just zap yourself right in there!”

Jade considered it for a second, hand on hip. “I dunno. What would be the point?”

Vriska rolled her eye. “Come on! He must be hiding some arcane mystic artefacts in there. The man is magical! I’m sure he’s got a few secrets of his own.”

“This sounds risky.”

“You wanted something to do, right?” Vriska said. “Well, here’s a big fat something. Take it or leave it!”

She folded her arms. One thing it had taken most people a while to notice was that Vriska’s left arm was artificial. Apparently, the feud that Terezi had mentioned to Dave on the first day had also involved Vriska getting one of her arms blown off via Terezi’s online machinations. It was somewhat worrying that Terezi had decided to leave that part out of her story.

 _Damn these girls are scary,_ Dave thought.

 

“Hm. I guess I _could_ give this idea a go,” Jade said after a pause. “But only if someone comes along with me! There would be no fun in snooping around all by myself.”

Nepeta frowned, rubbing her nose with one of her long coat sleeves. “Have you ever telepurrted more than one person before?”

Jade cocked her head. “Well, no. But I’ve never tried.”

“I’ll go with you!” John said, bounding up and starting to pull a hoodie on. “It can be a sibling bonding trip!”

“No, John!” Jade interrupted. “I love you and all but you would be no help defending me if anything went wrong. Actually, I want Dave to come!”

“Me?” Dave said.

Terezi giggled. “Strider’s in high demand!”

“What about _me_?” Vriska said, annoyed. “My powers are the strongest out of all of us. I could protect you _way_ better than anyone here! Also, let’s face it, John’s powers are 100% stronger than Dave’s anyway. So why pick Strider of all people?”

Dave looked pointedly over at her but kept his pokerface. “Is there a problem, Serket?”

In response, Jade simply shrugged, a goofy smile on her face. “I don’t know, it’s just reassuring to have someone who can stop time before anything bad happens.”

“Well. Only if my reflexes are good enough,” Dave pointed out. He knew that, despite his progress, Vriska was right. He probably wasn’t the strongest out of all of them in terms of sheer power. He’d seen John out in the distance recently during his lessons, ripping up entire forests by the roots and stirring tempests into existence with his bare hands. He couldn’t put on impressive displays of power like that. All he could do was move John’s dumb toys around.

“Yeah, but your reflexes are pretty great.” Jade was saying. “You lived with that jackass of a brother for most of your life, after all!”

Dave frowned. “He’s not – ”

“He so is and don’t even argue! Anyway I’ve talked myself into it now and I kinda want to see what Doc Scratch’s office looks like.”

Everybody was looking at Dave. “Well, I’m up for it if Jade’s up for it. Let’s go.”

 

 

“Just concentrate on the idea of the door,” Vriska was saying, standing at a distance. “Focus really hard!”

“Okay. Okay!” Jade had her eyes shut. They had cleared a space in the centre of the room, pushing aside John’s prank props and Dave’s electronic equipment in case any of it got accidentally teleported on the way, and now only Jade and Dave were standing in the middle.

“Is it working?”

“Guys shush! I need to focus!” Jade’s mouth twisted into a troubled expression, her eyes still shut. “Oh, this is gonna be hard. I’ve never teleported to a place I’ve never actually been before.”

“Just focus on the space beyond the door,” Vriska said. “And then put yourself into it! And Dave.”

“Vriska, why are _you_ giving advice? Your powers are completely different!”

“Should we go get Kanaya?”

“Wait, I think I’ve got it!” Jade said suddenly. “Quick! But Dave, you’re gonna have to grab onto me for this to work. You become sorta like part of my clothes, then, and I can take you with me.”

“Don’t get jealous, TZ,” Dave said, reaching up to put his arms around Jade. He was tall, but Jade was even taller, and he could only just reach her shoulders. _Damn, this Amazonian forest girl. She’s far too powerful for my scrawny ass._

Terezi just laughed and gave him a thumbs up, very clearly the opposite of jealous. “Have fun getting detention again, coolkid!”

“Ok, we’re gone,” Jade said, and then they were.

 

 

There was a squeezing feeling, like they had ascended too fast in an airplane, and a rush of green.

The two of them tumbled to the floor, knocking into something hard and sending it plummeting to the ground with a crash.

 

 

Jade was the first to sit up. “…Dave! We did it!”

 

 

The room they were now in was furnished like a Victorian hobbit hole. Elegant Dartmouth-green wallpaper, carved wooden posts, bergère chairs with spotless upholstery. A typewriter sat on the desk over by the window. Chopin was playing softly over the wireless, and the remains of a fire still crumbled in the elaborately-carved fireplace.

Doc Scratch’s office. There was no doubt about it. Nobody else could have such pretentious taste in interior decorating.

“Thank God he wasn’t in,” Dave said, getting up off the ground with a groan. “That could’ve been awkward.”

“Look, we knocked his clock over!” Jade said. She was standing over the fallen grandfather clock, peering down at it. “Oops. I hope it wasn’t important.”

 

After looking around to check that they were definitely alone, Dave wandered over to the fireplace, figuring the embers were probably what was making the room feel so uncanny. Was he just here?

Above the fireplace was a painting, along with several framed photos. The painting was uninteresting, depicting a dragon demolishing a fleet of ships, but the photographs were very interesting.

“Jade, come look at this.”

The photos all depicted Doc Scratch. The first was of him, standing straight-backed in his signature suit and suspenders, in black and white. At first, Dave assumed it was one of those mock-ups of the old timey style photos you could get done for a crazy rate at some theme parks, but the middle photo – which was of Scratch riding on a horse and carriage through a city that definitely did not come from the 21st century – suggested that it was probably real. Either that, or Scratch had a weird sense of humor and impressive photoshop skills.

The next one showed him shaking hands with Theodore Roosevelt, looking the exact same as he did now. “Fuck me, how old _is_ this guy?”

 

There was a sudden noise behind them. They both spun around, fully expecting to find him standing there, but were surprised to see instead that the little door in the fallen grandfather clock had clicked open.

The two of them stood frozen for a second, but nothing more happened, so they tentatively approached it. 

 

As Dave got closer, he saw that inside the compartment where the part that swung back and forth usually resided – _fuck, what is that thing called, the little ticky spoon thing_ – there was a glowing light. As they leant over, curious, it became obvious that it was more than just a glowing light.

The compartment was endless. It contained a pool of bright, infinite green.

“Dave, I think we should – ” Jade said suddenly, as they both leant over to look into it. Before he could protest, she had grabbed him by the hand and jumped straight into the green rectangle, dragging him with her.

 

 

It happened again. The squeeze, the pop. The crunch as both of them spun head over heels onto a ground that was suddenly very _there_ when it had been sort of _not_ before.

 

Dave sat up, his eyesight swimming and his mood bad. “Jade, you can’t just do these things without consulting me or your own brain, which I know for a _fact_ is capable of critical fucking thought since you’ve got a master’s degree in astrophysics!”

Jade rubbed her head, blinking around. Her glasses had fallen off and smashed. “Sorry. I was just thinking it looked like the exact right size for us to fit through!” She said. “And a really nice shade of green. Where are we?”

“It was another portal. We’re – ” Dave looked up at the sky. _…Alternia? The two pink moons?_ “…Still on the moon?” There were no trees or grass, though, just flat, empty rock. And the sky was blacker than night, littered with odd glowing cracks. But, other than that, it was definitely the familiar landscape of the green moon.

“But look,” Jade said, staring in the opposite direction. When Dave turned to see what she was seeing, he found that behind them, Doc Scratch’s school was nothing more than a huge pile of rubble. Shards of wood and mortar were littered all over the place.

He was on his feet in a second. This place felt very, very wrong, in many different ways. “What the fuck – ”

“And look,” Jade said, turning her face skyward. Overhead, opposite Alternia, Dave looked and found an enormous unfamiliar green sun burning. It was casting its sickly green light over everything in the barren landscape, making the place seem flickering and otherworldly. It was neither day nor night.

“We should leave, something doesn’t feel right,” Dave said. “What if he finds us here?”

“You’re right. I don’t like this either. Let’s go,” Jade said, and she grabbed his waist, shut her eyes, and –

 

– opened them again. “My… No way. My powers don’t work here?”

“What?” Dave pulled away from her. _…She’s right. That’s what felt strange. I can’t stop time here. I can’t even slow it down, or feel it passing –_

“Oh God!” Jade said, putting her hands over her mouth. “I’m – I’m so sorry, Dave! I’ve trapped us!”

“Eh, no worries, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Magical shit like this usually works itself out.” Dave looked around again. The sight of the school in its state of complete destruction was upsetting as hell. “So what is this, do you think? Some kind of alternate universe?”

“I hope so! If it’s not, then while we were in Scratch’s office our school got destroyed and all our friends probably got killed and also we lost our powers.”

“Yeah, bummer,” Dave said. “Let’s not entertain that thought, actually.”

“Wait, there are two figures in the distance over there, I think,” Jade said suddenly, squinting. “Look, over by that – hey, is that a portal!”

Without her glasses, everything looked fuzzy, but it didn’t stop her from waving frantically. “ _Hey, you two!_ Over here!”

Dave looked too, and his eyes widened at the sight. “What the _fuck_ – ”

Jade squinted harder. “Who is it, Dave, I can’t see?”

Shaken, Dave took hold of her shoulders and steered her away. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t think they’re gonna be any help, let’s just – ”

“Oh, come on, let’s just go talk and see if they’re friendly – ”

Luckily, Dave didn’t have to pull them away anymore, because suddenly a white hand emerged from an unseen portal behind them and yanked both of them through by the back of their shirts.

They disappeared with a popping noise. The two distant figures turned around in surprise, but by the time they looked, there was nobody there.

 

 

For the third time that day, Jade and Dave were violently spat out of this air, this time on the floor right outside Doc Scratch’s office.

Dave stayed face-down on the ground, feeling completely defeated. _I’m just gonna stay here for a while. Think about things._

He heard Jade groan from next to him. _Yeah, I feel it._

“…What happened? Did the clock eject us?” she grumbled, propping herself up on her elbows.

“Maybe our time was up,” Dave said, still face-down, and instantly hated himself.

Jade laughed exhaustedly. “Hey, Dave, no puns. Now isn’t the time!”

“Fucking hell. I wish that journey had killed us both.”

He heard her laugh again and then stand up, and expended the effort to roll over onto his back. When he did he found her peering down at him, bright green eyes free from the usual barrier of her glasses. The high, arched ceiling was thankfully intact over her head.

“Who did you see back there?” she asked.

There was a pause. Dave let her yank him upright.

“I’m not sure,” he answered, eventually.

Doubtful, she stared at him, eyebrows twisted together. “…Uh. Ok.” She started to brush dust off her skirt. “Let’s head back. The others must be worried.”

As she straightened herself out, Dave ran his hands over his face, pushing his glasses up into his hair. Actually, he _was_ pretty sure of what he had seen. A grey turtleneck and black hair, and a lanky blonde in dark glasses.

_Was that… me and Karkat…?_

 

When they got back to the room, dishevelled, they were pounced on. By one person, quite literally.

“Jade, Dave! How was it?”

“I’ll tell you all about it in the morning,” Dave said, Nepeta hanging off his side. Everyone looked disappointed – especially Vriska – but it was a testament to how shitty the returning pair must have looked that they all agreed to let them go to bed without any further interrogation.

Jade smiled at Dave tiredly after everyone had gone, standing in the doorway herself. “Well, see you around, Dave. Sorry about all that.”

“No worries. I’m used to all the batshit.”

“Yeah, haha! I’m gonna take my glasses to the Handmaid to see if she can fix them, and then go straight to sleep. I feel a bit travelsick.”

She waved goodbye too, and then it was only Dave and John left in their own room. Thankfully, John could tell that he wasn’t in the mood for a conversation, and he was left to peacefully pull on a fresh t-shirt and try to wet down his windblown hair so it didn’t mould itself into an even crazier shape while he slept.

 

Just as he was about to climb into bed, there was the sound of someone clearing their throat from the doorway. Dave looked around and found that Karkat was there, leaning against the frame with his arms folded. There was a frown on his features, which wasn’t unusual, but there was something different about this frown to his everyday one.

“Oh,” Dave said in greeting, not trying to hide his annoyance. “Vantas.”

It was rare for Karkat to come to their room of his own accord. The two people who were a staple in their gaming crew – Vriska and Terezi – were the two people who he seemed to have the most strained relationship with.

Karkat pulled his expression into a sneer. _“Strider.”_ He mockingly pretended to doff his hat.

 _Ok, so he’s still being bitter._ “To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit, and can it wait? I’ve kind of had a long night and I’m not really in the mood.”

Instead of answering, Karkat shot a look at John, who was cluelessly checking his texts, hanging upside-down from the bed. When John didn’t look up, he cleared his throat, pointedly. “I need to talk to you. Alone.”

John looked up questioningly. “… oh? You want me to leave?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Yes, that’s what was being subtly implied.”

John raised his eyebrows, putting his phone away. Dave didn’t like the way he was looking between the two of them. “Well okay then. That’s suspicious as hell, but… just try not to have too many makeouts while I’m gone, okay!”

“Yeah, yeah, real funny,” Karkat groused as John collected a few of his books and left, claiming he would be in the common room if anyone needed him.

 

As soon as the door clicked shut, Dave turned to Karkat, who was now awkwardly leaning against the wardrobe. “So. What’s all this about?”

Karkat sighed, then got straight into it. “I can’t sit back and watch you do this shit any longer. Dave, honestly, just… what the hell are you doing with Terezi.”

Dave laughed sharply, then sighed. “Oh, this again?”

Without any more hesitation than that, he grabbed his backpack and headed for the door. He was willing to leave his own room if it meant avoiding a repetition of their previous embarrassing fight. _I’ll go sleep with fucking Eridan and Equius if that’s what it takes –_

Karkat hastily caught him by the sleeve, frowning more deeply. “No, this is different.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before. Look, like I said, I kind of just had a hell of an adventure and I really don’t need a lecture right now – ”

“Oh would you _listen_ you sentient batch of crotch rot. This _is_ different.” He ran a hand through his dark hair, visibly distressed. “Look, I just, I knew you were an asshole, but I didn’t realise you were _this_ bad – ”

Resigning himself to his fate, Dave flopped down into his computer chair, putting his face in his hands and trying to tune Karkat’s blathering out. “Yeah yeah blah blah, you’re her destined prince charming from the pre-puberty era and I’m not good enough to lick her sparkly red crocs, we’ve been through all this before and let me tell you it was just as boring the first time – ”

“No! Okay, you know what, I don’t blame you for not wanting to hear me out because I was seriously out of line when I came at you with all that reprehensible crap where I implied that I was a better judge of character than Terezi and that rightfully led to me alienating one of my best friends in the world, but would you believe it when I say that this time it’s _actually different_ because look, I’m not involved in the fucking equation at all this time! It’s just that I’m one of the few people who is capable of smelling out your current streak of bullshit, _believe me_ when I say that!”

Dave looked up at the ceiling, then down at the ground. He wanted to be anywhere but here, having this conversation. But no god took pity on him.

He sighed, giving in. “I wasn’t listening to any of that. So you’re gonna have to fill me in on what the fuck you’re trying to say, and make it short.”

“Ok. Here it is, laid out, cited, sourced for your convenience: Dave, why the hell are you dating Terezi when you’re not even interested in her?”

 

Dave froze mid-spin on his chair. “…What?”

He looked over to find Karkat wearing a completely serious expression, his arms still folded defensively.

“…What the fuck makes you say that?” he added when Karkat didn’t elaborate. The silence was making him nervous. _What’s he saying, of course I like Terezi._

Karkat narrowed his black eyes. “Dave, it’s almost hilarious how you’re asking that as if it’s not the most obvious thing in the fucking world that you have no feeling for Terezi.”

“Uh, maybe I’m just a stoic guy? Have you ever considered that?”

“Look, there’s being stoic, and then there’s stone-cold disinterest, and I know the difference between the two.” Karkat threw his hands up. “Fuck, you don’t even kiss her on the cheek when you say goodbye after lunchbreak, even though it’s clear she desperately wants you to! Even I managed to do that much, and I was the shittiest – ” He stopped, catching himself, and swallowed.

Dave looked at him, feeling pity suddenly. _So that’s how it is, huh. He’s miserable that he missed his chance with her, so he’s projecting himself onto me and getting angry that I’m not dealing in grand romantic gestures like he used to back when he was the resident Terezi-macking casanova._

_Wow. He must really love her to pine after her for this long._

_…Gross._

 

Without warning, Karkat lunged forward and grabbed the front of his shirt.

“And I DO NOT need your pity!” he yelled, face right up in Dave’s. “Like I said, this isn’t _about me_ , it’s about YOU, being an ASSHOLE, and diving headfirst into relationships with no regard for other people’s feelings even though you’re well aware that you’re on the fucking fence romantically speaking and therefore headed _dangerously_ in the direction of breaking someone’s heart! And I wouldn’t give a shit, you’ve proven yourself a callous asshole time and time again, except that heart belongs to someone I _really fucking care about_!”

Dave blinked. “Why am I getting grabbed, I didn’t even say anything.”

Karkat ignored that. His grip tightened, but his expression turned desperate.

“…Do you like Terezi?” he asked.

“…Yeah?” Dave replied, looking down at the fist holding his shirt.

 

_Crack._

He reeled back, shocked more than hurt. It had come so fast he hadn’t even had time to use his powers.

“Don’t lie to me, asshole!” Karkat spat. He was holding his fist, trying and failing to hide the pain on his own face. “I can tell!”

“Wh-Wha…?” Dave cupped his jaw. _Fuck, Rose was right. He’s got a hell of a lot of muscle on him for a short dude. I guess he keeps it all hidden under that cable knit._ “What are you talking about? You’re just being paranoid again, and I did _not_ deserve to get punched over that – ”

“Oh, you so fucking did,” Karkat snarled. “Because I may be the _king_ of paranoia, but I’m not wrong on this one.”

“Well how the fuck can you be so sure – ”

“Because it’s what I _do_ , dumbass!” Karkat spread his hands out defeat, looking even more furious. “There! Fucking _fuck_ , I _really_ didn’t want to tell you, but now you’ve made me do it, congratulations! You, my least favorite person, managed to weasel my power out of me against my will! Because you wouldn’t stop lying to me, and yourself! Good job! You rancid slimebag! Now do me a favor and crawl into a hole for the next decade!”

Dave looked at him in confusion, his head still spinning from the punch. _What? What the fuck? What?_

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Karkat marched forward and made a grab for his wrist. Automatically Dave made to pull away, but Karkat grasped after him. “Come _here_ – ”

“Dude, where are you grabbing – ”

“If you’re about to tell me that your fragile masculinity doesn’t allow you to brush phalanges with another male I swear to god I will scream so loud that this whole moon will be sent hurtling off-course and straight down into a black hole like the winning shot in a game of intergalactic golf.” But Dave still avoided his touch, jaw throbbing. Karkat ground his teeth. “Look, I’m not exactly jumping for joy at the idea of holding your hand, either, but – ”

Dave used his powers to zoom over to the other side of the room, hands held up defensively. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but seriously, step off, bro.”

Karkat sighed, forcing himself to calm down. “Look, it’s just – it’s easier if I touch you, okay?” he said through gritted teeth.

“Dude, I don’t bat for that team.”

“What? What team?”

“Whatever team you’re batting for. I’m – I’m just, you know, I’m in the outfield, running and catching and doing that thing where you dive on the ground and a big cloud of dust flies up. Or actually, you know what, I don’t know anything about baseball. I’m in the stands. Eating a hotdog. Wearing a foam finger.”

Dave paused. Karkat looked even more confused now, if that was possible. “I’m not gay.”

Karkat made a noise of exasperation that sounded like a horse being punched. “Oh, for the love of fuck, just give me your hand.”

 

Even though he was seconds away from using his powers to flash-step out of the room, Dave found himself helpless as Karkat strode towards him with purpose and grasped his hands between his own. He only barely managed to be grateful that the other boy didn’t intertwine their fingers.

 

Karkat shut his eyes, concentrating intently.

As the silence in the room grew more and more awkward, worsened by the hand-touching, he started subtly leaning in towards Dave, his frown growing deeper. Dave leaned away.

_Whoa, I never wanted to be close enough to see his eyelashes. But here we are._

_Life throws you curveballs sometimes I guess._

“You’re… completely flustered right now,” Karkat said, eyes still shut, still frowning.

“Some fuckin power ya got there,” Dave said, trying to become less flustered now that he had been called out on it. “What’s it called? Sight?”

Karkat’s eyes snapped open, his concentration completely broken. “Look,” he snapped, disentangling his hands from Dave’s, “it works better when there’s a big difference in emotions. But we’re both feeling pretty much the same right now and that means our collective inner landscapes are just a big sloppy indistinct red mess.”

At the ensuing silence, he went on. “I’m an empath. A pretty fucking powerful one, might I add, because unlike Kankri or the Signless, I can receive _and_ radiate. I’m basically a human telephone pole for emotions.” He laughed angrily. “Or, no, an _amplifier_ , because I take them and multiply them and give them back.” 

 

Karkat just gave a helpless little shrug when Dave, amazingly, had no comment to make on that revelation.

“There you go, now you know why I’m so impossibly good at starting shit,” he said bitterly. “Lucky fucking me.”

“…An empath?” Dave said disbelievingly.

“What a great impression of an exotic bird, Strider! How about you test it on someone who’s in a more jovial mood, aka, not me?”

“An empath,” Dave repeated, to his chagrin. “Huh. That’s… unexpected.”

Karkat snarled in annoyance. “Forgive me for not being able to shoot lightning bolts out of my damn eyes! Hell knows anything would be better than this fucking curse I got lumped with, but it’s not like the universe has ever given even a fraction of a shit about _my_ feelings, ironically!”

“An empath,” Dave said, one more time, just to be annoying. “…So you can feel what I’m feeling now?”

“I’m stewing in a veritable cocktail of your emotions. Your hormones are like a hot tub and I’m sitting in it except the hot tub is in a volcano and it’s also at literal boiling point and all my skin is melting off and I’m screaming in agony and I can never ever get out.” Karkat must’ve felt Dave’s confusion, because he sighed and answered, “Yes, yeah, I can feel your emotions, even from this distance.”

Dave thought for a second. “I don’t like that idea,” he concluded.

“Well, surprise sur-fucking-prise, I don’t like it either. I guess we’ll just have to file a complaint, won’t we?” Karkat snapped. “And anyway, unfortunately, I’m not even the only one having to share someone else’s emotional workload. To a lesser extent, you can feel what I’m feeling right now, too. That’s what the _radiate_ part of my ability means. As if that was ever in doubt.”

“Uh, no I can’t,” Dave pointed out.

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Yes you _can_ , you obtuse prick, it’s just that you can’t tell because you’re assuming they’re just your own emotions. Why do you think everyone always feels so calm around the Signless even though he’s the most boring orator on the planet?”

 

It slowly dawned on Dave that this all might make some sense. Horrified, he put his hand on his chest. _I’m… feeling Karkat’s emotions right now?_ “Oh. Ew.”

“Fuck off!”

“So – wait, what the hell, get the fuck out of my room, then,” Dave said, starting to panic when the reality of it hit him. “You’ve been sneaking on everybody’s top-secret classified for-my-eyes-only innermost feelings all year and you’re even out there sneaking on mine right now!”

_Every time we talked. Every time I passed him in the corridor. Even now. All this time he’s known exactly what I’ve been feeling and I had no idea. Oh God, it’s Terezi all over again, I get freaked out from knowing that they know what I know and then they know that I’m freaked out and that freaks me out more and then we both just spiral downwards into spiritual mayhem and infinite freakouts. Or, wait, is this Karkat’s panic that I’m feeling right now? Who even knows._

“Seriously, dude, go,” Dave demanded, hardly bothering to conceal how agitated he was. _What would it fucking matter anyway, he’s experiencing this shitstorm along with me._

“Gladly,” Karkat said, scowling at him. “Frankly, I’ve been wanting to vacate the premises since I first walked into your stinking emotional fog, but fortunately I possess a little restraint after seventeen years of having to silently deal with everyone else’s hormonal bullshit, and can attempt to conduct a _dignified fucking conversation_ even when I despise the other party from the bottom of my heart and I can feel their hatred coming right back at me!”

“God, would you go away for real though?” Dave said. “I feel like just by you being here you’re violating my sacred brainspace. There must be some sort of law against that.”

“I’m not violating damn well anything!” Karkat snapped, clearly hurt. His face was slowly turning darker, suggesting he was as uncomfortable with the situation as Dave. “I don’t know what you think I’m capable of, but it’s not fucking that! I’m not setting up camp in your rotten brainstem, fucknuts, I wouldn’t want to! All I can feel is that you’re sending aggressive red thoughts towards me right now and, trust me, I’m sending them right back!”

“I’ll send as many negative vibes as it takes to get you to leave this room right this second Vantas.”

Defeated, Karkat threw his hands up. “Okay! Fuck! I’m gone! If you’re not going to listen to reason then I’m not gonna stand here spouting it!” 

 

He headed for the door, but then hovered for a second, hand on the knob. “Just… don’t approach Terezi with those half-assed feelings. She can only read conscious thoughts, so she doesn’t really know, but _I do_.”

He glared at Dave, face bright red. Dave felt a strange rush in his chest _– fucking fuck, is that me or him or both of us – oh god, I wish he hadn’t told me this shit because it’s definitely made it weird trying to talk to him and what’s worse is we both know it –_

Karkat finished his sentence. “I know what it feels like to be in love with someone, Dave, and let me tell you. Whatever you’re feeling for her, it’s not. Fucking. That.”

 

The door slammed behind him.

 

As soon as Karkat was gone, Dave experienced a simultaneous rush of relief and exhaustion. He covered his face with his hands, and found that his shades had been off for that whole encounter.

_Aw man. Could this get any worse._

He flopped into bed, suddenly feeling too tired to sleep. He knew he had a lot of thinking to do that night.

But he fell into a dead sleep before any of it could happen, and didn’t dream of anything at all.

 

 

The next morning, Dave decided he needed someone to discuss this with. His go-to confidant Rose was still refusing to come out of her room regardless of any amount of knocking, so he decided on Kanaya. A talk with her was probably in order anyway.

After only a little while of searching, (library, gardens, the space outside Rose’s bedroom) he found her in the medical bay, quietly sewing alongside the Dolorosa.

 

“Oh hello Dave,” she said, dropping her cross-stitch into her lap as soon as he entered. He turned his head and made out the form of a skeleton surrounded by blooming flowers. _Huh. Hardcore._

Kanaya saw him looking and smiled. She looked tired too, bathed in the pinkish morning light. Mituna was asleep on one of the beds nearby. “Would you like to help?”

Dave held his hands up. “Uh, no, that’s alright. I don’t think I would be any good at it.”

“Nonsense. I need all the hands I can get if I want to complete this coat and quite honestly I’ve got a hem with your name on it.”

Dave found himself getting hustled into a seat and handed a half-finished sleeve and threaded needle. He looked up uncertainly, feeling not quite sure that he really fitted in with this peaceful sewing circle (triangle actually), but started working on it anyway with big, clumsy stitches.

“Are you looking for Rose?” Kanaya said, eyes carefully set on her own work again. “Unfortunately I haven’t seen much of her recently.”

Dave pretended he didn’t hear the tension in her voice. “No, you’re the one I was looking for.”

If she was surprised, she didn’t show it. “Wow. I am honored. I hope I’ll live up to whatever expectations you’ve set for me.”

“Yeah, Kanaya, Rose might be my twin, but you really don’t need to snark around with me. I think it’s just having the Lalonde name that makes it impossible for you to give it to anyone straight.” He winced as soon the words came out of his mouth. _Bad choice of wording. Fuck._

Kanaya quirked an eyebrow, but stayed calm otherwise. _Thank God._ “Okay… Give it to me _straight_ then.”

Ignoring that jibe, Dave decided to fling himself headfirst into the actual topic he wanted to discuss, polite smalltalk be damned. “You’re Karkat’s friend, right? I wanted to ask you about him.”

“If this is about his powers, then I’ll have to say, I don’t know what they are either,” Kanaya said immediately. “I’ve told him before that in fact I don’t care and would rather wait until he is completely comfortable before he tells me and even if I did know I wouldn’t reveal them to you without his explicit agreement in the matter.”

“Whoa, whoa. It’s not that.” _Oh boy. I’ve been burdened with this knowledge, it looks like._ “It was just… more of a general enquiry.”

Blinking, Kanaya tilted her head. “Oh. Very well. Just call me the Karkat Vantas General Questions Box, then.”

 

Dave racked his brain for something that a normal human being might reasonably ask about another. He came up with: “Well, for starters, how did you meet him?”

“On the forum. We started talking shortly after I turned fifteen, if I recall correctly.” She methodically bit off the thread, and then selected a different color and used the weird hoopy thing to help the strand get through the eye of the needle. “I would hate to overshare the details of my own romantic entanglements, but. Our first conversations were to do with that sort of thing.”

“Oh.” Dave said. “Vriska?”

She cringed slightly upon hearing that name. “Um, yes. I suppose you know, then.”

“Yeah. Sorry.” He felt bad for listening to the gossip all of a sudden.

“No, it’s alright. I should have expected these things to get around sooner or later. Anyway, Karkat listened to my woes over that particular situation and gave me some rather aggressive but overall encouraging advice.” She smiled thinly. “He always has been a good person to go to for that. I think he even enjoys it. He’ll even listen to Eridan’s moaning over his various fruitless loves without getting annoyed.”

“Oh,” Dave said. With the things that had come to light last night, this information all seemed a little different than it otherwise might have done. “That’s… pretty nice of him.”

“Yes, he’s a real romantic,” Kanaya said with a little smile. Satisfied with the row she had finished, she held up her work to get a look at it. Dave took the moment to watch her, thinking.

_If someone like Kanaya gets along with him, that must mean something, right? And, to be fair, he can’t help having his powers. So it was probably unfair of me to blame him for that._

_Well, I was just freaking out last night. I said a lot of things that were unfair._

 

Kanaya spoke again, surprising him. “I don’t mean to stick my oar in where it doesn’t belong but I do think you’re exactly the sort of person that would be good for Karkat to have around. He needs a friend right now.”

“He’s got you,” Dave pointed out.

Frowning, Kanaya considered this. “Yes, but. Hm. There’s a specific type of friend he needs.” She chuckled lightly. “It feels strange to say it but I’ve always felt more like his mother than his friend.”

“Huh.” Dave almost wanted to laugh. “What, like unconditional love?”

“Exactly.”

Dave swore as he stabbed the needle into his finger yet again. He hadn’t gotten very far in his own sewing, outside of enacting grievous bodily harm on himself. _This shit is hard, I’ll never underestimate Kanaya again. What am I saying, I never underestimated her, she could whittle me into an art piece with a chainsaw if she felt like it._ “Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but k-dogg and I aren’t really friends. We have some sort of a relationship, sure, but I don’t know if ‘friends’ is really the word for it.”

Kanaya looked puzzled. “I thought you were getting along with him now?”

“Uh, not really. I mean, it changes based on the day.”

She smiled. “That’s normal with Karkat. It just means he’s warming up to you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not so sure how I feel about being warmed up to.”

 

After tying off his thread, Dave got up and stretched, handing his sloppy work back to the Dolorosa. “Sorry. I think I did more harm than good. You’ll probably have to unpick all of that.”

“Nothing’s unsalvageable,” the Dolorosa said wisely, accepting the sleeve with a smile. She looked older these days - more fragile, somehow.

“Yes. And thank you for stopping by to chat,” Kanaya said. She had managed to fill in the skeleton’s femur throughout the course of the conversation. “I just realised that we probably don’t talk enough.”

“No problem. I’m a verbose man, I love me some chats.” He paused, mid-stretch, then sighed. It couldn’t go unsaid. “Anyway. I’m sorry about Rose.”

Kanaya stiffened, then bit her lip, betraying her emotions in that one action. “You don’t have to apologise, Dave,” she said, her voice unsteady. “I know it’s probably even worse for you.”

Dave tried to reassure her. “She’ll come round eventually, I’m sure. Once she figures out whatever the hell it is she needs to figure out.”

At this, Kanaya smiled, but it was small and downcast. “I hope so.”

“Look, Rose prides herself on being difficult. I know it’s kind of impossible, but try not to worry about it.”

 

Just before he could leave, Kanaya asked, “Say, why the sudden curiosity about our favorite frequenter of the anger management clinic? Did something happen?”

Dave laughed dully. “Something’s always happening at this fucking place.”

“Dave,” Kanaya said seriously, returning to her cross-stitch with a small shake of her head, “You’ve never been so right.”

 

 

After that, Dave started paying attention to Karkat more and more. The guy was obviously trying to avoid him, aware of the tension caused by the strange semi-secret that the two of them now unwillingly shared, but fuck if Dave was not reciprocating.

He noticed when Karkat brought Gamzee food when the guy was incapable of even realising he was hungry, and how he was first to catch on when Meenah and Aranea quietly split up and first to give them exactly the emotional pep-talks they needed, complete with recommendations for Mariah Carey songs to listen to and vegan ice-cream to binge eat.

He noticed that Karkat automatically left his busy table to sit with Kanaya for the whole week when she floundered around looking for a place to sit due to a potent lack of Rose.

He noticed when Slick, now in the honorary position of ‘cool criminal uncle’, took Karkat on a joyride in the school bus that ended with the two of them crashing it into Scratch’s private duck pond and causing an emergency school-wide assembly.

 

He found himself thinking that actually, maybe, Karkat might be an alright guy after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [(CHECK OUT THIS ART SO BEAUTIFUL I'VE LOOKED AT IT FOR DAYS NOW)](http://notedchampagne.tumblr.com/post/167123969070/heyall-avias-has-an-amazing-fic-called-doc)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ everyone who has left a nice comment: please take the next flight to my house and i will cook you spaghetti

After almost three months of living on the green moon, one thing had become obvious: the place – though it was trying its hardest – wasn’t exactly organic.

The plants were superficial; they didn’t grow, and even if they were picked they wouldn’t die. Jade quickly figured this out and stuffed her room full of immortal wisteria and sunflower heads. If John tore up a whole copse with his windy powers one day it would simply reappear overnight. And no matter how long you spent laying in the long grass of the exterior lawn, you’d never get so much as an ant crawling into your sock.

It was as if the whole planet was holding its breath.

 

“I’ve noticed that this place is unnaturally devoid of life,” Rose remarked in one power-tuning session. These classes had quickly turned out to be more like tea-parties with Scratch, in which they rarely learned anything except that Scratch was a master of deflection. “There are so few animals present in the surrounding area that it seems this place has almost no ecosystem. It’s very uncanny. And, frankly, simply sloppy workmanship.”

Scratch apparently took note of this, because the next morning a group of cows appeared in the field next to the school.

 

 

Time went by, and Dave started thinking of how it would be winter back home. Being in a place with virtually indistinguishable seasons sure made him hanker for some seasonal snow. Or, well, being a Texas native, more the _idea_ of snow than any actual snow itself. Soon, he thought, they’d be putting up Christmas lights and playing those stupid specials on repeat – _fuck,_ Dave missed TV – and out in the streets it would be getting dark at 6pm except for the moon which would be hanging overhead nice and white and normal. Not green, not pink, and only one of it. Just like things should be.

 _I’ll have to go back soon,_ he thought, and wondered why the thought caused a flare of dread. Then he remembered. _Oh yeah, I ran away. Sort of. I wonder if Bro’s still mad._

_Eh. I doubt it. The guy’s too cool to get actually angry. He’ll probably think that running away to go to magic school is a super baller thing to do. And he would be correct. And he’ll give me a fistbump or something. Or at least make that terrifying puppet give me a fistbump._

_…_

_I hope._

 

He distracted himself by convincing John to come let the cows out of the field with him.

As far as distractions went, that one worked pretty well. The animals ate one of Vriska’s shoes and then stood confusedly in the courtyard, getting shouted at by teachers from every direction, until Tavros politely asked them to leave.

 

 

Ms Paint made an announcement during dinner one evening.

“The end of the semester is drawing near! So, as a special treat, Doc Scratch has allowed me to use your double art period this week to take you all out on a fun trip!”

“A trip?” Sollux muttered, barely pausing in his eating. “What the hell is there even to see on this awful green planet?”

Ms Paint somehow overheard. “We’re not going anywhere on this planet! We’re going to a _different_ awful green planet!” She paused, but nobody computed. “You know. Your home!”

“We are going on a school trip to Earth?” John said, disappointed. “But I’ve already _been_ there before.”

“Well I bet not all of you have been to New York before!” Ms Paint said, still chipper even in the face of an overwhelming lack of enthusiasm. She always had to stand on a chair to get anyone to listen to her, and was doing so now. “No arguments! This is a special bond-building project. There has been rather a lot of negativity going around lately and I think we all need a reminder of the importance of kindness.”

Everyone looked around themselves guiltily.

It was true. The tension of being stuck with a small group of people had started to wear thin. Vriska and Terezi had started fighting recently after one of Vriska’s latest schemes had failed, Dirk and Jake were having ‘relationship troubles’ and everyone was forced to know about it whether they wanted to or not, Meenah was bullying pretty much everything with a pulse and the administration office had been forced to devise a sort of restraining order to keep Eridan away from certain people. Also, the situation with Rose was still causing a lot of upset, even though she barely left her room on a good day.

Ms Paint smiled out at all of them as if, despite this, she still considered them perfect angelic children. “So, as long as you each get written permission from your parents, you’ll all be coming along for the bonding trip! Slick and Deuce will be driving the buses.”

“Ms Paint, I don’t have any parents,” Meenah called from the back of the room.

“Me neither,” someone added, and then several other people started yelling in agreement.

“Oh dear,” Ms Paint said, tapping her chin. “This is a bit of a problem. Hm. Well then!” She clapped her hands, a wide grin coming onto her pudgy face. “We’re on a different planet, so I am now your honorary mother. And I give all of you permission to go!”

A cheer went up. And then everyone quickly remembered they didn’t want to do it, and the cheers stopped.

Vriska raised her hand. “I’m going to be ill on that day, I can’t go.”

 

 

The end-of-semester trip went ahead that Friday, as planned. They all met in the courtyard to line up outside the buses, loaded with sketchbooks and pencils, and argued about who was going to sit next to who.

Not that it mattered. “I’m going to tell you your assigned partner for the day, and I want you to switch places so that you’re sitting next to them!” Ms Paint announced once they had all finally settled into their seats, producing yet another list from the pocket in the front of her apron.

There was loud complaining, and Ms Paint spoke over it. “And don’t try and ask me to change! I’ve paired you up with someone you wouldn’t usually work together with, and you’re all going to learn to be polite and _compromise_ with one another! And if I hear about _anyone_ breaking _anyone’s_ legs, there’ll be big trouble!”

 

She started to rattle off names. “Meenah and Kankri, Horuss and Jake – ”

 

 

Karkat buried his head in his hands when she read out his partner. He had wedged himself into a window seat and pulled a clueless Gamzee into the seat next to him as a protection barrier against Kankri, who had been trying to corner him again. _Some fucking protection he proved to be._

“Hard luck. Maybe today just ain’t your day, brother,” Gamzee said, patting his shoulder. “Go find the Striderbro.”

 

 _Not my day indeed,_ Karkat thought as he slowly stood up, purposely dragging out the action to delay the inevitable. _First Sollux wakes me up via electric shock after I fall asleep in the computer chair arguing with people in the Youtube comments section, then I spill coffee all down myself at breakfast trying to draw up a diagram to get Kanaya to understand my position on the current plot of Gossip Girl, then I was late getting to the bus because I was trying to steam the coffee off under the hand dryer. And now this horseshit, the icing on a cake made of horseshit. Was my life really not bad enough already? Did I really need a healthy dose of this fucking asshole? I could’ve put up with anyone, literally ANYONE else, but right now Dave is the last person I want to be within fifty feet of, and for good fucking reason –_

 

“Hey,” Dave said once Karkat finally inched near enough to talk to, pulling his red backpack off the seat next to him. _So he was sitting alone._

“Don’t even bother,” Karkat muttered, flopping down into the space just as the bus lurched to a start. They had been lucky enough to get assigned to the bus that Slick was driving once again. “Let’s just agree to endure this for as long as it lasts and make it as painless as possible.”

The two of them hadn’t spoken to one another since their argument in Dave’s room. After experiencing firsthand evidence of Dave’s disgust over his ability, he had kept well out of Strider’s way for the most part. Being around him, even momentarily, just caused the both of them to stew in an unfortunate miasma of discomfort. It was the way things usually went after Karkat revealed his Stupid. Fucking. Powers.

“Whoa,” Dave said, and though Karkat was scowling determinedly at the seat in front of him, he could hear a frown in his voice. “It’s just being partners for a project, not fucking dental surgery.”

“Yeah, but it might as well be. Just expect the rest of this day to be the social equivalent of getting wisdom teeth extracted without anesthetic. _Sorry, Junior, we ran out of novocaine and now we’re gonna have to give you a root canal with nothing but a rusty meat skewer and a power drill and I,_ I’m just…” he sighed, giving up and slumping down. “I’m sorry.”

He risked a look at Dave, even though he could feel the unmistakable emotion that was radiating from him.

Sure enough, the other boy looked completely bewildered. “…You’re… sorry?”

“Well yeah. I’m sorry that we’ve been assigned to each other because now this whole afternoon is just going to be awkward for both of us.” Karkat quirked his mouth. “I’d go ask Ms Paint to switch us but I think that would just make her even more determined to – ”

To his surprise, Dave cut him off. “Hey, Karkat, not that I’m not super stoked to see where that tangent was gonna go, but I was actually planning on apologizing so I’m just kind of weirded out that you managed to beat me to the punch somehow.”

Karkat opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “A…pologizing?”

Dave frowned slightly. Or at least Karkat thought he might have – all his facial expressions were dampened by his goofy Ben Stiller sunglasses. At least when the two had argued that one night, Karkat had been able to fully see his face for the first time.

“Don’t act like that’s unheard of, holy shit,” Dave said.

“Well it is, coming from you!” Karkat pointed out.

“What the hell. You don’t know me.”

“I guess fucking not!” A pause. Neither of them looked at each other, until Karkat quietly added, “…What for?”

“What?”

“I mean, what are you apologising for?”

Clearly unnerved trying to conduct a conversation with him that didn’t involve both of them shouting at the top of their lungs, Dave shifted awkwardly in his seat instead of answering. Then he went to casually lean his elbow on the window but slipped when it turned out there was no ledge there, and tried to play the motion off as a stretch.

Karkat just watched, waiting. Part of him was amazed but most of him was still just annoyed. _This fucking guy._

Eventually Dave started his apology.

“Well, you know,” he began. “I actually realised that I might’ve been a real shitbag to you last week when you came to my room and… all that stuff went down. Man, I’ve been meaning to talk to you since pretty much the morning after it happened, but, uh. You know how it goes.” He took a deep breath. “Anyway, I still don’t think it’s any of your business what my feelings are towards Terezi, but it was uncool of me to act like by just having your powers you were deliberately invading my personal space, I mean personal feelings. Feelspace. I mean you kind of were, but you also can’t help it so it’s not really your fault and that’s why I’m sorry I flew off the handle.”

“What a graceless fucking apology,” Karkat said. He was stuck somewhere between laughing and being deeply uncomfortable.

Dave let out a groan. “Come on dude. I’m really trying here.”

Holding up one hand in defeat, Karkat said, “It’s fine. It’s fine.” He was desperately trying to restrain his own mood, which was threatening to lighten just a bit. “I was wondering why you were feeling so… not furious.”

Unfortunately, he didn’t miss the way the mention of his powers still made Dave flinch.

“…Mm. Sorry,” he offered as his own apology for reminding them both of what they had been trying to forget. _Wow, is this bus ride just going to be a never-ending chain of apologies?_

Even though he was clearly far from comfortable, Dave shrugged it off. “Nah. I guess I’ll have to get used to that, won’t I?”

“Hey, if I had to get used to this shitty garbage ability of mine, then so do you.”

 

Suddenly Karkat remembered he was supposed to be angry at Dave, and added, “Don’t think this means I forgive you for agreeing to date Terezi even when you’re not in…” he lowered his voice. “You know, _love_ with her.”

“Ok, but, the thing is that you totally divebombed way the fuck to the conclusions before I even had the chance to say anything because we’re not actually dating.”

That astounded Karkat. He had been totally ready to deliver a diatribe on the intricacies of human romance. “…What?”

Dave shrugged, annoyingly nonchalant. “We never talked about it but I’m pretty sure we’re not. Well, maybe kind of but mostly kind of not.”

“Don’t fuck with me, I saw the – ” Karkat stopped himself.

“The what?”

“Never mind.” He regrouped. “But, Strider, whatever you’re calling it, I swear if you break her heart, I’ll – ”

“Yeah yeah, break my nose or whatever.” Dave laughed. “Honestly I’m amazed that you think I _could_ ever break Terezi’s heart. Frankly I don’t think she’d let me.”

Pissed that he was getting laughed down, Karkat scowled at him. “She has emotions too, assmunch.”

“I bet you know that firsthand.” The tone which Dave used suggested that if he had been capable of more than three facial expressions he would’ve been wiggling his eyebrows as he said that.

_Goddamn it, I hate that he’s so hot. Why does every halfway attractive dude have to be such a gaping asshole? I wonder what the correlation vs causation is on that one._

Karkat sat back and folded his arms. They were driving very fast towards the portal point, hills whizzing by out the window. “…I don’t want to talk about love with you.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“You know what I mean.” Growing irritated, he spoke over the beginnings of Dave’s retort. “Now! If you really want to make a peace treaty with me, you’ll do me a favor and pretend like I didn’t forget my headphones, and just let me sit here in silence for however long it takes this bus to reach wherever the hell it’s going.”

“I’ve got headphones,” Dave said, extracting a tangled pair of earbuds covered in crumbs from the pocket of his hoodie.

“Aren’t you gonna be using them?” Karkat pointed out.

“Well, yeah.”

“So you’re suggesting we share? Cosy up to listen to your Kanye collection? Heads all bent together with an apple-branded wire connecting the two of us like the millennial red string of fate?”

Dave reconsidered. “Okay, forget I said anything.”

As Slick manoeuvred them into the portal again, everything in the bus flashing bright green, Karkat slid down in his seat and closed his eyes to nap. “Done and done.”

 

 

He woke up to the sound of blaring horns.

“Ever heard of a handbrake, grandma? I’m about to go blind back here!” Slick was yelling at someone’s bumper.

Karkat sat up. “Where are we?”

“Big apple, baby,” Dave answered, extracting one of his earbuds. From his phone screen, it looked like he had been organising one of his many playlists to pass the time. “Upper West Manhattan.”

“Oh, great,” Karkat said, slumping back down again. “I’ve got some real fond memories of this city.” He laughed. “Do you remember, Dave? Remember how I puked all over that stranger’s mailbox? Good times.”

“It was a classic Karkat moment for sure.”

Ms Paint was standing next to Slick in the driver's seat, chatting orders. “Pull up just over there, and we’ll all get off and then you can go round back and park the bus.”

“Lady, you think I can just stop the bus wherever I fucking want? This is rush hour in goddamn New York!”

“Well folks will just have to deal with it!” Ms Paint said crisply. “I don’t want Tavros to have to wheel himself all the way from the carpark.” She clapped her hands, waking up several napping students. “Everyone, pay attention! Once we exit the bus, everyone needs to gather in the lobby so I can explain the project.”

 

Karkat dared a glance out of the window. “Dave that better not be a museum we’re about to enter.”

It definitely was.

“Buddy I don’t know what to tell you,” Dave said.

“Aw fuck.”

 

 

“Ms Paint!” By the time all of them had been herded inside the building to stand around in a reception area with a big model of a dinosaur, Meenah had already bought a bag of chips from a vending machine and was already carping away. “Why are we at the American Museum of Natural History? Most of us aren’t even American.”

The group were getting some funny looks from tourists. The two chaperones for the school trip were the Disciple and the Summoner, and though the Summoner had managed to hide his wings under a very bulky puffer coat, there was nothing he could do about the huge pair of bull horns he kept almost clocking strangers with every time he turned his head.

Mituna was getting a few stares, too. It was his first time being allowed out since his accident, but that meant he had to wear a helmet which blocked out any harsh light or sounds to keep him from having a prime freakout. Despite this, he was currently on the floor having a prime freakout anyway. Latula and Porrim were trying to calm him down.

The Disciple answered Meenah’s question. “Well we only had so many places we could go. Doc Scratch only set up four portals for us to reach Earth.”

“He’s a powerful dude, couldn’t he just whip up a few more?”

Ms Paint was rummaging in her apron, bringing out heaps upon heaps of tickets. “Within reason, you know he could, but he is a – ”

“ – very busy man, yeah, yeah.” Meenah sighed, flipping one braid over her shoulder. “Just tell me whatever the hell it is I’m supposed to be doing today while accompanied by this turtleneck-wearin windbag so I can scurry off and have a cigarette instead of doing it.”

“Meenah, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Anyway, your task today is to work as a pair to draw a poster based on one of the exhibits. And yes, Kankri, it _will_ count towards your final grade for art, so don’t take it lightly. But mostly I want you to have one last chance to have fun with one another before we break up for the holidays!”

“Ms Paint, that sounds boring!” John said from the back of the group.

She looked hurt. “…Really?”

He wilted. “…No…”

“Ah, good!” She clapped her hands. “Oh, and before you all run off, I’ve brought you all some hats to wear so it’s easier for me to spot you if you get lost!”

 

Everyone started protesting when she nodded to the Summoner, who unzipped a backpack and started handing out bright green baseball caps with ‘Doc Scratch’s’ printed on the front. 

 

 

As the green-hatted pairs reluctantly dispersed off to go complete the project, Ms Paint noticed the one boy standing on the outskirts, arms folded and partner-less. Determined that no child should go unnoticed, she approached him where he was standing half-hidden behind a column.

“Karkat, what’s wrong?” she said, hands on hips. “Why aren’t you wearing your hat?”

“There’s no way I’m wearing that thing,” Karkat said. He was leaning on the column, looking disgruntled, but it was clear that something more than just the hat was bothering him. “It’s an unflattering color anyway.”

“I think it’d look lovely on you! You’re a very handsome young boy.”

Karkat looked at her, silent. And then, without warning: “Ms Paint, I don’t want to be partners with Dave.”

“What?” She waited for an explanation but none came. So she put on her most teacherly voice, and began, “Karkat, you know, sometimes in life you have to do things that you don’t want to – ”

He broke in, unhappy. “Please, I don’t need a life lesson, I just want you to switch me to a different partner. Trust me, if this is about bonding, I need a hell of a lot of bonding with pretty much everyone in this damn school, I have a lot of enemies. What about Equius? I hate that guy, I could do with some quality time with him to learn about what a nice dude he surely secretly is, just… not Dave, please.”

 _What on earth is so wrong with young mister Strider? I always thought he seemed like a nice enough boy._ “Why not Dave?”

Karkat shifted on his feet, then answered, “I make him uncomfortable.”

“Oh, Karkat.”

“And he makes me uncomfortable, too.”

“Hm.” There was a pause while Ms Paint thought things over for a second. It usually wasn’t hard to figure out what was bothering Karkat. “I expect this is about your power, isn’t it?”

He was silent, which was a reply in itself.

“Well, I don’t know what happened between you two, so I couldn’t possibly comment. But here’s something that might just be worthwhile for you to know.” She looked over at Dave, who was in the center of the lobby talking with Kanaya but also subtly looking around for his missing partner. Then she shrugged, and said, “This morning, when I was drawing up the lists, Dave came to me and asked me to pair him up with you.”

Karkat stared at her for a very long time, dark eyes wide, before saying in disbelief, “There’s no way that’s true.”

“It is! I was all set to pair him off with Sollux and you with… hm, Nepeta, I think. I didn’t want this trip to cause any arguments, and you have to admit that you and Dave are very keen on that! That’s why I wouldn't have paired you up in the first place. But he insisted.”

Now Karkat was just glaring down at his scuffed-up grey shoes like he didn’t know quite what to think. Casting a glance back over at Dave, who was no longer even trying to hide the fact that he was searching for Karkat, Ms Paint reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.

“If you have a bad time, it’s just one day and it’ll be over before you know it,” she said softly. “Who knows? You might even surprise yourself and have a good time!”

“…I guess,” Karkat grumbled. “I mean, I won’t, but. If you’re not going to switch me no matter how much I beg then I might as well just put up with it.”

“That’s the spirit!” Ms Paint said, using one hand on his back to propel him away from the column. _Dear me, he’s actually taller than I am. These kids! How they grow!_ “Oh, and one last thing – ”

Reaching out, she plucked the hat from his hands and settled it on his head, using her fingers to neaten up the tangled curls around his face. “There! I knew you would look lovely.”

 

As he walked back to Dave, she could see that he was itching to rip the hat off his head, and a big motherly smile came onto her face when he didn’t.

 

 

 _“There’s_ my absentee spouse!” Dave called out as Karkat reappeared. He was wearing his green cap backwards, because of course he was. Karkat had never despised anyone so much. “Where were you, off filing for divorce?”

“Are you pleased with the order of your teeth, Strider?” Karkat said, coming to a stop beside the group. “I can rearrange them if you’d like.”

“Doesn’t it feel strange to be back on Earth again?” Kanaya said, ignoring their exchange. She was standing holding the handles to Tavros’ wheelchair, suggesting that the two of them were partners, and it seemed she had been chatting to Dave until Karkat had arrived. _When did those two get so chummy?_

“I guess,” Karkat said sourly. “Home sweet home.”

“Well, it’s not really home,” Dave pointed out. “The only person who lived in New York was Rose. And _you_ tell _me_ if she looks pleased to be home.”

They all glanced at Rose. Along with Feferi, she was the only other student left in the lobby, the two of them poring over a museum map. Well, Feferi was poring. Rose had her fingers pressed to her temples, and not in a psychic kind of way – more in a hungover kind of way.

“What she looks like is someone who got dragged backwards through a dungheap,” Karkat said, putting what they were all thinking into words. Rose looked like she had been desperately ill for weeks. The shirt she was wearing had a stain on it, which was almost unheard of for her, and also her socks didn’t match.

“Easy, dude. I am blood-related to that hot mess, after all,” Dave said lightly. “I mean, you’re totally right though, she does look like utter dogshit.”

“I… can’t agree,” Kanaya said, watching Rose with an expression that was painful to look at. Then she cast her gaze downwards. “But I am worried about her. When was the last time she slept?”

“If you’d be so good as to ask me directly, I could give you an answer.”

 

They all jumped. Rose had appeared beside them without warning.

She spoke when no-one else did, answering the question. “Kanaya, I’m neither lying nor exaggerating when I say I can’t remember the last time I slept.” Her smile after she said that was inscrutable, and not entirely pleasant.

“Aw, hey there, Rose,” Dave said, out of instinct more than anything. She looked at him incredulously, and the silence stretched on – Karkat tight-lipped and Kanaya distraught and Tavros completely out of place but trapped by Kanaya’s grip on his wheelchair – until he added, “Watcha doing?”

She shrugged. “Being a conversation-stopper, it looks like.”

Feferi bounded over, grabbing onto Rose’s arm. “Why are you all standing around like guppies over here?” She stood out from the crowd of New Yorkers and tourists like a paintspot, wearing neon sunglasses and layers of ruffled skirts. Also, as always, she had on a pair of pink gloves to stop her from accidentally raising an army of corpses.

_Thank god, because she’s touching Rose’s arm, and Rose looks as close to a dead thing as you can get right now._

“This your partner?” Dave asked Rose. Feferi wasn’t a usual member of their crowd.

“Yes. We were just headed over to the mammal halls.”

Feferi frowned. “But I wanted to go to the sea life section! Hey, Karkat, did you know they have a sea life section here? EXCITING, right!?”

“Yeah, Feferi, I guess that is pretty exciting,” Karkat said tiredly.

“Karkat helps me feed the whole tank full of cuttlefish that I keep in my room,” Feferi told everyone. “It’s very sad, they all died in the journey over, but that wasn’t a problem for long! And now at least I'll never have to worry about them dying again, haha!”

“So I don’t see why I still have to feed them once a week,” Karkat grumbled.

Feferi giggled and hit him on the arm – probably harder than she meant to, because Dave caught him subtly rubbing his bicep afterwards. “Oh, Crabcatch, I know you just love spending time with those little guys, even if they don’t really need food to live! Anyway, let’s head over, Rose, or those fiberglass whales might swim away before we can poach ‘em!”

“No, we’re going to the mammal hall,” Rose said.

“You sure aren’t being a very co-operative partner right now,” Feferi replied disapprovingly, hands on her hips.

“It’s not my decision. A vision has informed me that the mammal hall is where we’re going to need to be when it happens. I’m simply the vessel for that vision.”

For some reason, Feferi brightened up. “Oh, a vision! Well why didn’t you say so! I can’t argue with the divine judgement of the eldritch gods. C’mon, to the mammal hall we shall go!” She grabbed Rose’s wrist and whisked her away, with a responding wince from the other girl. “Adios Kanaya, Tavros, Dave, Karcrab!”

 

 

The remaining four stood recovering for a second.

“So you’re still having a tough time with her, huh?” Dave said on the obvious topic of Rose, inclining his head at Kanaya. She looked deeply upset by the encounter, and had barely made eye contact with Rose even though it seemed like the other girl had been aggressively seeking it out.

At that, Kanaya drooped. “She had a space beside her on the bus, but… I was too afraid to sit next to her.” She shrugged one shoulder. Unlike Rose, she looked as neat as ever, wearing a stylish winter outfit in honor of the trip, but somehow she looked equally as tired and miserable. “I have plenty of opportunities to talk to her, but I just don’t know what to say. I can’t tell where I stand.”

“You’re not the only one.” Dave half-laughed. “Hey, at least she seemed sober this time, right?”

“I have talked to Roxy on that subject,” Kanaya said. “She was distraught to learn that Rose had been drinking all that alcohol by herself. I think she assumed she was throwing parties.”

“A pity party, more like,” Dave said, and instantly felt shitty for saying it. Then something else occurred to him, “Wait, where does _Roxy_ get the alcohol from, then?”

“Ah, she makes it herself, she showed me,” Kanaya replied. “From some sort of berry native to the green moon. And then she sells it off to other students using an elaborate bartering system revolving around doing favors for her.”

“Makes it herself?” _Wait, so my biological mom runs an underground moonshine business?_ “Kanaya, how can you say that like it’s not the most awesome thing you’ve ever heard?”

She sighed, black mouth twisted down at the corners. “Forgive me for not being adequately excited. I’m sure I would be if the situation with Rose were not putting such a dampener on things.”

He couldn’t deny that, so he didn’t.

 

 

While they were all silently brooding things over, Tavros suddenly spoke up, making everyone jump, and then feel very guilty that they had forgotten he was there.

“Uh, I don’t think, I was really, uh, meant to be a part of this conversation, but, in my defense, I didn’t really have much of a choice, so. I just, uh, hope everything works out for you guys, and I’d also really like to get going because we’re causing a sort of, um, blockage in the lobby, I think.”

They looked around, finding that he was right.

“Sorry, Tavros, you’re quite correct.” Kanaya steered his wheelchair around in the direction of the entrance. “So, Dave, Karkat, I’ll see you later?”

“Right. You two have fun.”

 

They watched the pair disappear off, running over strangers’ toes in their quest for the gift shop.

“So,” Dave said to Karkat, slowly. “Just you and me now, buddy.”

Karkat rubbed his hands on his face, mentally preparing himself. “And so the saddest two-man party in the world begins.”

“Yeah, hah.” Dave paused, still staring after Kanaya. Karkat risked a glance at his profile, but couldn’t read anything. “How was Rose feeling just then?”

That caught him by surprise. He had been expecting Dave to violently repress all conversation about his ability. “Uh. About how she looked, as far as I could tell. Couldn’t get a good read on her, not with so many people around. It’s like trying to pick one voice out of a whole room where everyone’s mumbling under their breath.”

Dave glanced over at him. “What, so it’s harder to tell what someone’s feeling when there’s a whole bunch of us?”

“Yeah.” A pause. “That a relief to you, Strider?”

Dave laughed, and for once it sounded somewhat genuine. “You tell me.”

 

Without warning he took off, hands in his pockets, and Karkat had to do a quick jog to keep up, inwardly cursing those long Strider legs.

“So, we’re headed straight to the sea-life section, correct?” Dave said.

Karkat frowned, trying to suppress his puffing at their pace. “What makes you say that?”

“Karcrab? Crabcatch?” Dave quirked an eyebrow. “Or were those just puns on your crabby personality?”

Instantly defensive, Karkat bristled. “So I like crustaceans, so what?” He snarled. “My family ran a seafood shack back in Miami. Of course I got attached to the little bastards lined up in the tanks, they’re cool as hell with their pincers and shit and don’t even deny it.”

“Who was denying it?” Dave said, then tilted his head, hesitant. “Uh, not for nothing, but aren’t the ones in tanks usually there to get, y’know, fuckin, served? Like Tavros at a freestyle contest?”

“Yeah, so what? I wasn’t the one who had to kill them. My old man did all that.”

Upon entering the sea life section, Dave slowed his steps, apparently having noticed that Karkat was struggling to keep up. “Oh. Old man?”

"Adoptive dad," Karkat replied. "The only family I ever had, really, ran the whole place by himself and had me wiping down tables before I even knew the alphabet." He huffed a laugh. "Real cantankerous asshole, but the best kind of cantankerous asshole."

It was hard for Dave not to notice that, at the mention of his adoptive father, Karkat seemed a bit downcast all of a sudden. “Sounds pretty dope,” he said, aiming to change the subject. “Not as cool as my Bro, but that’s a hard bar to leap for even the Olympians among us.”

It worked. “Your Bro? So you didn’t live with Rose and her martini-factory of a mom?”

 _Looks like someone’s been getting the gossip from Kanaya._ “Nah. We agreed we’d split up when it turned out there were two people who wanted to adopt us separately.” He shrugged. “Currently, when not on the moon, I live in Houston, Texas with Bro Strider and his endless collection of plush-rumped puppets.”

Karkat laughed, and once again, it was a rare actual laugh. “Texas, huh? Well would you look at that. The one thing we’ve got in common is that we both grew up sweating our balls off.” He looked around while Dave was still recovering from that. “Alright, where should we start.”

Back to himself in a split second, Dave looked around, too. The room was packed wall-to-wall with models of various marine animals, with a giant hanging blue whale taking up most of the room.

“The crabs, maybe?” he suggested.

“You know,” Karkat said, already halfway there. “That might be the only good thing you’ve said, ever.”

 

 

Amazingly, the two managed to get a good chunk of their art project finished in the next hour and a half. A fight only threatened to break out once, after Dave made a comment about how amazingly bad Karkat’s drawing skills were and Karkat threatened to give him an involuntary tracheotomy with his pen. After it was established that Dave wasn’t much better (“No, look, I do it bad on purpose – it’s part of the charm – ”) the two of them opted to get the poster done quickly rather than well, and ended up with an A3 page of shitty drawings of lobsters.

“Well. That’s that I guess,” Dave said. They both looked down at their handiwork. “Wow that is really terrible.”

Not bothering to deny it, Karkat shrugged. “Whatever. I can’t really be failing art any more than I already am.”

“Spoken like a true realist.” Dave stretched, feeling something pop. They were currently seated on the museum floor, surrounded by pens, being an inconvenience to guests. His back hurt like a bitch. _Really shouldn’t have spent so much time hunched over display cases of crustaceans. How we suffer for our art._ “So. What now?”

Karkat made a move to extract his wrist from his sweater sleeve, but Dave beat him to the punch. “It’s just past eleven o’clock. We’ve got two more hours before we need to be back at the bus.”

“Look at you. The human pocket watch,” Karkat said, smiling slightly. Then he frowned down at their finished poster again. “Guess we shouldn’t have exhausted our only conversation piece so quickly, huh?”

“Well,” Dave said. “Should we check out the rest of the museum? Just seeing as we’re here.”

Amusingly, Karkat looked like he wanted to shoot that idea down straight away, but he couldn’t come up with any better suggestion. “Hanging around in a museum with you for two hours?”

“Yeah.”

“This is the shittiest date I’ve ever been on.”

“No it’s not,” Dave said, grinning.

“No, it’s not,” Karkat agreed, rolling up the poster and stuffing it in his bag. “What the fuck ever. Yeah, let’s go, I guess.”

 

Less than an hour later, the two of them had toured almost every available inch of the American Museum of Natural History. They found Rose and Feferi closely examining the taxidermied elephant in the mammal hall, and Tavros and Kanaya calmly drinking tea together in the cafe, and Nepeta trying to hide from Eridan in the greeting card section of the gift shop.

Other than their classmates, the only other things they discovered were a lot of cultural artefacts, and a hell of a lot more stuffed animals. Neither of them were really interested in any of that stuff, though, so they mostly breezed through every room without even looking at things except to poke fun at them. Dave realized that one good thing about being around Karkat was there was no chance for awkward silences; he filled any available space with himself. Every second they were busy squabbling about the first thing that came to mind – art class, the upcoming holidays, Dave’s music – until suddenly Dave realised he could maybe feel that Karkat must be in a pretty good mood. And then it occurred to him that maybe it might just be him that was in a good mood.

“What’s up?” Karkat said, coming to a stop on a glass walkway next to some giant sphere. Dave realised that he had probably been able to feel the jolt that had just occurred in his chest.

“Nothing,” he said instantly. It had just dawned on him that this was the first time since coming to Doc Scratch’s that he had managed to hold a proper one-on-one conversation lasting more than fifteen minutes with someone who wasn’t Rose or John or Jade. _Terezi doesn’t count, since she mostly speaks_ at _me._

After that obvious deflection, Dave expected Karkat to pry, but he let it go without anything more than a, “Whatever you say.”

 

Maybe it was something to do with the person strutting down the walkway towards them. _Talk of the devil and she will come lick your face._

“How are things, coolkid!”

Terezi, dressed in a coat with a dragon tail on the hood and holding a sketchbook with a page of drawings that only a blind girl could do, slapped Dave’s outstretched palm and then wrestled him into a hug that was more elbows than anything.

Then she nodded to his partner, her smile dimming only slightly. “Karkat.” Neither of them missed the way he flinched, but nobody acknowledged it.

“Where’s your partner?” Dave said. It looked like she was doing the poster mostly by herself. Despite the crazy colors, it was impressive. Abstract.

“I’ve lost him,” Terezi said.

“We’ve got time on our hands. We could help look,” Karkat said. “If you wanted.”

“Oh, I lost him on purpose!” Terezi cackled. “I mean, he’s probably around here somewhere, babbling about miracles.”

“Oh. Gamzee.” Karkat frowned.

She pulled a face, tucking her sketchbook under her arm. “Yeah, I got lumped with the killer clown. Last I heard of him, he wandered off to see if they sell Faygo in this place. And they didn’t pay me enough to be his babysitter for today, so.” She shrugged. “Here we are.”

“Right.” Dave noted that his partner was staring at the ground, a heavy frown on his heavy features, and saying nothing. So he went on, “Karkat and I finished our poster already.”

Terezi folded her arms. When her sleeves rode up he saw, with some fondness, that she was wearing bright red gummy bracelets all up both wrists. _What a girl._

“Well, if you’ve got time to spare, head into the planetarium,” she suggested. “I just caught the last slot, and the lightshow smelled _divine_. It’s even better knowing that one of those itty bitty projected dots holds our little school at the end of the universe. And with all that convenient darkness for canoodling, it’s the perfect date spot!” After winking lasciviously, she bade them farewell with: “Anyway, I’ll have to agree to see you kids later. Some of us are doing work for two.”

“Okay,” Dave said, accepting another painful hug. “Stay cool, TZ.”

She chuckled as she jogged off in the direction of the main museum, red hair bobbing with the motion. “Don’t need to tell me twice!”

 

Once she was gone, Dave turned to speak to Karkat, but found that he had disappeared from his side. At some point, he must have migrated over to the edge of the walkway, and now had his back to Dave, looking out though the glass walls of the building.

Dave drew up next to him, keeping eyes front. “…You okay?”

“No I am so obviously not fucking okay!” Karkat snapped, voice thick. To his eternal relief, Dave didn’t have to ask him if he wanted to talk about whatever was not okay, because he just started going off all by himself. “I take it all the time, and I can take it from a lot of people, but from _her_ … you don’t know how awful it is. To be forced to feel it too every time someone looks at you and feels pity and annoyance and exhaustion all rolled up into one piss-soaked bundle. And it’s getting weaker and weaker every time we talk, but that’s fucking _worse_ , because at least when she properly hated me, she was feeling _something._ ”

“Wow,” Dave said, uncomfortable suddenly. “I thought you said you couldn’t get that specific of a read on people unless you were like… touching.” He paused. “So that time _was_ just an excuse to touch my hand.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, _coolkid_ ,” Karkat snapped, and somehow Terezi’s nickname sounded very unpleasant coming out of his mouth. He sighed, and the tension ebbed away. “No. It’s just that I can read Terezi… really well. Even when she’s far away. I guess I’m kind of attuned to her.”

“Well look at you, Romeo.”

Indignant, Karkat let out a snort. “Who’s _really_ the Romeo here?”

“Touché.” Dave let himself stare blankly forward. Then he said, “Hey man. I’m sorry. That must make you feel pretty shitty.”

From beside him, he felt Karkat look over, but he didn’t let himself look back. “What? The fact that I can feel it when someone I love is thoroughly exhausted with my bullshit and wants nothing to do with me?”

“Yeah.”

He heard Karkat laugh slightly. “No. Usually it just makes me angrier.”

 

After emitting a long groan of exasperation which startled Dave, Karkat suddenly peeled himself away from the railing. “Well. Anyway! That’s enough of both of us wallowing in my quagmire of self-pity. Should we go in?”

He inclined his head towards the giant sphere, which, Dave rationalized, was probably the planetarium.

“Do you want to?” Dave asked, looking between Karkat and the ball.

He shrugged in a way that suggested he could take it or leave it. “It’s the only place we haven’t gone so far.”

 _Planetariums…_ He visualized practically laying in one of those tilted chairs in the dark next to Karkat, watching constellations form and suns explode in shared silent awe, and then recalled Terezi’s comment about it being the perfect date spot, and the resulting discomfort led him to say, “Ah, nah. Sounds kinda boring.”

He averted his eyes as Karkat looked at him, hard, then snapped, “What do you want to do, then? And don’t suggest another hour and a bit of looking at stuffed primates, for christ’s sake, I’ll implode from boredom.”

 

After a pause, Dave made up his mind. He reached and snatched off the green cap on his own head, and then leaned forward and – after a brief confused scuffle – managed to snatch Karkat’s off his head, too. He dumped both of them in his backpack.

“Fuck it,” he said in response to Karkat’s annoyed perplexity. “How long has it been since we’ve been on Earth? Let’s actually go see some of it before they hustle us back on that bus and spirit us away again.”

Without even bothering to argue this time, Karkat shrugged and shook out his hat-flattened curls. “Well. Lead on, I guess.”

 

 

Just as the two of them headed back to sneak out the main entrance, they came across yet another familiar face. Gamzee was standing staring up at a model of the solar system, moon-eyed. Tourists were going around him like he was an exhibit.

“So this is where you’ve been, you idiot clown,” Karkat sighed, approaching him with much less caution than Dave thought advisable. “Did you know your partner’s been shouldering all the work? Did you even realise she’s gone?”

“This is pure wicked,” Gamzee said instead of replying. He tried to reach up to touch the model of Jupiter, apparently not realizing the model was attached to the ceiling some thirty feet up.

“No it’s not, it’s Styrofoam, probably.” Karkat folded his arms and waited for his friend to notice he was there. But it didn’t happen. Karkat grunted in exasperation. “I guess the good news is that now we’re back on Earth you can buy more of whatever that stuff is that’s currently rotting your brain.”

Still Gamzee just stared up at the models.

“Come on, Dave, let’s go.”

 

Just as the two of them made to leave, Dave nearly crapped himself when something icy cold shot out and took a hold of his wrist and – _evil puppets – laughing clowns – green fire – a horde of walking corpses – the green sun –_

 

Alarmed, he yanked his wrist away. When he turned around, so shaken that he had involuntarily slowed time down to almost a crawl, Gamzee was staring at him with no awareness behind his glassy eyes.

“My motherfuckin bad bro,” he slurred. “Thought you was someone else.”

 

“Dave?”

He looked forward. Karkat was standing some way away, impatient. “Are we going or not?”

“Uh. Yeah. Sorry.”

Still unnerved, he shot one last glance at Gamzee, and found him staring up at the planetary model once again as if nothing had happened.

 

 

“Kanaya, uh, if you don’t mind me asking. Has something happened between you, and, um. Rose?”

Kanaya sipped her tea. In the spirit of Ms Paint’s proposal, she and Tavros were sharing a very pleasant afternoon in the museum café. The sight of so many stuffed animals had made Tavros quite distressed, and so she had suggested taking a break, which was now proving to last most of the trip. A piece of paper was spread out in front of them, but nothing had been drawn on it yet. They kept assuring one another it would get done eventually.

“You could say that,” she said eventually in answer to Tavros’ question.

He awkwardly fiddled with a stick of charcoal, getting it all over his fingers. “Uh, obviously you don’t want to talk about it, so I won’t. Pry.”

“No, you’re not prying. We had sort of a…” She paused, then sighed. “Well yes, it was a fight. We had a fight when I found out Rose had started drinking.”

“Did she not… drink before?”

“No, I don’t think so. Her drinking started because she was having visions.” Kanaya looked at her own hands. “Visions that upset her.”

Tavros considered that, clearly trying his best to be a good conversation partner. “Oh. What kind of visions?”

“Ah, it was hard to get anything specific out of her. We were both quite upset and not thinking clearly. But, I think, mostly something about a green sun.”

“Uhh. What’s dangerous about that?”

Kanaya frowned, trying to remember. Most of the conversation had been overshadowed by its explosive conclusion. “…I believe she thought it was linked to Doc Scratch. She somehow felt that it meant we were all unsafe in his hands.”

“Oh.” Tavros paused, wavering. Even though he was one of the tallest kids, there was absolutely nothing intimidating about him beyond his size. “Isn’t Rose a. Um. Psychic?”

“Yes, that is her power.”

“Then… even if she was, uh, drunk…” Tavros looked uncomfortable. Kanaya suddenly realised what he must be about to say, and her stomach dropped without explanation. “…Surely there must be. Some. Truth? In those visions?”

 

There was a rumble from somewhere in the museum, followed by the sound of muffled shouting.

“Uh?” Tavros said, looking around as the tourists in the café started panicking. “Wh… Where’s that, coming from?”

Kanaya stood up in her seat, shooting round the table to grab onto the handles of his wheelchair and beginning to steer him towards the source of the noise with hurried steps.

“My best guess would be the mammal hall,” she replied, then broke into a run.

 

 

Twenty minutes later, true to their word, Dave and Karkat ended up sitting in Central Park with burgers from a dodgy food van and Faygo from the stall beside it, making fun of passers-by.

“Wait, check this out.” Dave used his powers to stop time and stole the tie off a passing businessman.

When time resumed, the man stopped in his tracks and slowly raised his hands to pat at his bare neck, completely unaware of the pair of boys losing their shit at his abject horror.

 

Once he had finished laughing, Karkat rested his cheeseburger in his lap to rub his hands together. The tip of his nose was red. It was a freezing cold day in New York, frost coating the park railings, and it was nice to sit side-by-side on a low wall with a source of warmth.

“What about that guy?” Karkat suggested, pointing to a photographer about to take a sip from his paper cup of coffee.

Before he could even finish suggesting it, the man’s coffee had switched to a bottle of Rock N' Rye flavored Faygo. The dude was so surprised, he dropped it like it was hot, spilling terrible soda all over himself in the process.

Karkat snorted, watching the guy stare down at the fallen bottle with profound amazement. “Do you think this is how Gamzee’s dumb religion got started?”

“Gotta be.” The two of them watched a dude walk past wearing a tank top and sunglasses in the dead of winter. “Hey, if I gave that guy a wedgie would you accuse me of taking out my repressed aggression over being bullied as a child on strangers in khaki shorts?”

 

For some reason, Karkat reached out and physically stopped his hand. “No, wait, not him,” he said, frowning lightly. “He’s fucking miserable, don’t make his day any worse.”

Dave frowned at the stranger. _He doesn’t look like he’s anything more than bored out of his mind._ “He is?”

“Yeah, I dunno, something happened, I guess. No idea what it was, but. Leave him to carry out his shitty day in peace.”

“Huh.” Dave crumpled up the paper from his burger and tossed it in the trash from a distance, then leaned back on his elbows. “I still don’t get how your powers work.”

“Well I don’t get how your time shenanigans work, either!”

“Yeah but that’s not fair because nobody understands how my time shenanigans work, me included.” He risked a look over at Karkat, finding him looking like he was trying to burrow down into his own sweater. _Yeah, I feel it. It’s been so long since I’ve felt the actual cold that it seems worse than usual._

“How can you tell what people are feeling?” Dave went on. It was bugging him not being able to pin down exactly what Karkat was capable of. “Can you, like… see it?”

“No. I just feel it, I guess.” Karkat shrugged. He clearly didn’t want to talk about it that much. “Secondary to my own emotions. Jammed in there.”

“Still don’t get it.”

“How much simpler can I make it?” Karkat snapped.

“Well what if there’s a whole load of people, all feeling really strong emotions? No way you can be sitting there feeling anger and happiness and – fucking, I don’t know – grief – all at the same time, you’d explode.”

“Except that’s exactly what happens, and I’m on the verge of explosion my whole life!” Karkat retorted, and then paused, and sighed, and yeah, okay – Dave could definitely feel that. He had been doubting the ‘radiation’ that Karkat had been talking about, but it looked like it was the truth because whenever Karkat went on the defensive for a second it was like Dave could feel his hackles go up in response. And then, once he visibly relaxed, that tension went away.

“Look,” Karkat said finally, chewing on his lip as he tried to come up with a way to explain it. “Just think of it sort of like, everyone walking around has a kind of color depending on their mood and I have really shitty eyesight and can’t tell what color it is unless I’m up really close or touching their skin. But I can at least see it a bit, whereas most people can’t see it at all.”

Dave scanned the area. There were quite a few people in Central Park despite the weather, walking dogs or sipping hot drinks. He picked one at random. “So… that lady in the fur coat over there, what’s she feeling?”

Karkat squinted at her. “Oh, come on, Dave, she’s miles away.” He sighed when Dave still waited for an answer. “Nothing in particular, as far as I can tell.”

“Ok, what about the dude sitting under the tree, he’s closer.”

Karkat concentrated, staring unnervingly at the guy, who looked like he was probably homeless. “He’s… anxious, I think?” He said eventually. “Sort of a green-blue. Again, not really close enough to get a read.”

“Huh,” Dave considered that. _Who else is close?_ “Hey, what about me, what color am I?”

Reasonably incredulous, Karkat stared at him, mouth slightly parted. “You really want to know?” he said slowly. “You kind of freaked last time, remember?”

“Yeah, come on, just for fun.”

Still Karkat hesitated for a second, as if waiting for Dave to change his mind. When he didn’t, he reached out and put two fingers on the palm of Dave’s hand, and even though Dave was expecting him to close his eyes, he didn’t. He met Dave’s stare behind the sunglasses he was still wearing and joined their gaze, searching.

 

As the pause stretched on for an uncomfortably long time, it hit Dave, too late, that _yeah, okay, this was a really bad idea and I’m starting to regret asking._

Karkat kept looking at him as he thought that, dark eyes flickering back and forth. _Okay. All I’ve gotta do is wait this out. Just wait it out._

That resolve didn’t last for long. _Oh God. What was I thinking? Dave, you fucker, there’s no way anything good could come of asking that. What’s he gonna say? “You’re happy?” Fuck, you were sort of happy for a second there, but it’s slipping away now, and – oh, god, he can feel that too, can’t he? This is awful. Can he hear everything that’s going on in my mind right now? No, wait, he said he can’t read minds, that’s Terezi’s business. Wait! Don’t think about Terezi now, he’ll –_

Karkat burst out laughing.

 

“Wh – ” Dave was stunned as Karkat dropped the connection to put his face in his hands and laugh like it was making his stomach hurt. “Hey…”

“Coolkid _indeed_ , you’re – you’re just a mess!” he managed to gasp out between breaths.

“Come on,” Dave said flatly, waiting for him to stop. When he didn’t, he added, “Well, what color _was_ it?”

With considerable effort, the other boy got himself upright, wiping his eyes.

“That dogshit brown you get when you smear all the paints together on a palette,” he said, a smile still threatening to break out on his face.

“Real funny.” Dave didn’t try to hide his irritation.

“No seriously,” Karkat went on, close to gleeful. “I just experienced the emotional equivalent of a category 3 hurricane.” He started to crack up again. “An internal moshpit, that’s you, Strider!”

“Seriously, dude?” Dave sighed as Karkat dissolved into laughter once more. Okay, it was sort of nice to see the grumpy guy finally laugh. Dave just wished it wasn’t _at_ him.

But eventually – he couldn’t help himself – it caught on and he started laughing too. Both of them must’ve looked like idiots, he thought, sitting on a wall in Central Park laughing at nothing.

 

 

Suddenly, they were snapped out of it by Karkat’s ringtone. It was a snippet of the main theme from Pride and Prejudice, which Dave fully intended to tease Karkat about, but he stopped when he saw the solemn look on the other boy’s face as he scanned over the green text.

 

Dave leant over and read the conversation over Karkat’s shoulder. 

 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began chatting with carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GA: Karkat Where Are You  
GA: Nobody I Have Spoken To Has Seen Any Sign Of You And This Leads Me To Some Fairly Reasonable Levels Of Worry  
GA: Karkat Please Respond  


 

Dave was about to make a joke about Kanaya being an overprotective mother, but just then, he received a worrying text, too.

 

tentacleTherapist [TT] began chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]

TT: Dave, you need to come back to the museum right now.  
TG: rose what  
TT: Shit’s going down is what.  
TT: And all of us are currently in a lot of danger and going to be in it even deeper if you don’t come back as quickly as you possibly can.  
TT: So get moving.  


tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]


	11. Chapter 11

As soon as Rose exited the conversation, Dave was up from the wall like a shot. Beside him, a frowning Karkat was still in the midst of typing his reply to Kanaya’s message.

“No time for that,” Dave said, grabbing him by the wrist, “If Rose says it’s serious, then serious it is. Come on.”

 

There was a rush, and the frosty vista of Central Park snapped out of existence. Karkat’s vision was suddenly nothing but grey stone, and it took him a tense second to realize he was now lying face-down on the ground.

“What just happened?” he asked, sitting up. They were on the steps at the entrance of the museum.

“Time shenanigans,” Dave replied. He was upright, standing alert, watching gaggles of shouting people pour out of the entrance. “What else.”

“I didn’t know you could do that,” Karkat said, brushing off his knees.

“First time I tried it.”

“…What did you do, exactly?”

“Froze time and then carried you.” Dave was still observing the crowd. Some of them sported torn clothes, and a few people were dazed and bleeding. All of them looked terrified.

Karkat stopped where he had been struggling to get to his feet with people stamping around his fallen body like an obstacle. “ _Carried_ me?”

“Like a princess.”

“And then you saw fit to just dump me on the floor like a sack of potatoes?”

Dave wasn’t listening anymore. He pushed through the oncoming waves and disappeared into the main entrance, and Karkat had no choice but to follow.

 

As soon as they ran past the front lobby, they saw why all hell had broken loose.

“Dave, Karkat!”

Most of their classmates were scattered around the mammal hall, surrounded by panicking tourists trying to get to the exit. It was easy to pick the Doc Scratch kids out from the crowd because of their ugly green hats.

There was a lot of yelling going on, probably due to the fact that the whole place was being ravaged by a strange crackling bright green light. It was vibrating through the air in sharp webs. All around them, people were trying to avoid the electric bursts, and the ones that failed…

One of the crackles got closer and Karkat could make out the shape of wings in its depths. Mostly because it was flying right at him.

 

He dodged. The creature hit the wall behind him and evaporated into a bunch of static that kind of looked like what appeared around Sollux’s head whenever he got angry.

 

“What the hell are those?” Dave said, ducking another one as it swooped at his head. “Are they… birds?”

 _Yeah, what the fuck, these things_ do _look kind of like birds,_ Karkat thought. _Crows. Crows made of electric. Green electric._

_Green…_

“Tavros, why the hell can’t you control them then!” Vriska snapped. She was holding onto the handles of his wheelchair, trying to steer him through the jostling crowd. “This is the one situation where your lame powers would’ve been any good – ”

“They’re not real birds!” Tavros said, gripping onto the sides of his chair, face deathly pale. “And even if they were, I can’t control animals anyway! I just, uh, _commune –_ ”

“Well what about you, then!” Vriska snapped at their two adult chaperones, who were looking very out of their depth. “Aren’t both of you supposed to be able to control animals? How about you _try that_?”

After avoiding another one of the green crows, the Summoner cringed, hesitating. “On this scale – I can’t – it would be dangerous – ”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Anyway, these _aren’t real birds – ”_

 

Before either of them could respond, a crash resounded through the hall. One set of glass doors had caved in, and another whole rush of green entered the room. Everyone hit the ground.

 

“Dave!”

At the sound of a familiar voice, the two of them dared a look to their right. Rose was peering out from the open door of a girls’ bathroom, motioning them over.

 

 

Once they were safely inside, Rose shut the door.

 

There were three other people in the bathroom – Kanaya, Aradia, Gamzee. The first two were leaning against the sinks, looking less ruffled than they should but still not especially happy, and Gamzee was slumped against the wall under the hand dryer, periodically setting it off with his sluggish movements. As far as either of the boys could tell, he was uninjured, but he still looked only half-conscious anyway.

“What the hell happened while I was gone for ten minutes?” Dave said, already nervously blabbering before his brain could catch up. _Fuck, people were bleeding out there._ “Damn, a Strider vacates the premises for less than an hour and suddenly all types of spectral winged motherfuckers decide it’s primetime to put in an unwanted appearance like it’s feeding hour at – ”

“Dave, be quiet,” Rose said to his relief, locking the door.

 

That action startled Karkat out of his stupor and into annoyed worry. “Hey, what about the others?”

He moved over to try and stop her, but she grabbed his wrist.

“They’ll be fine,” she said firmly.

“Bull _shit_ they’ll be fine, did you see those things?” Adamant, he tried to prise open the door again, but Rose ungraciously elbowed him away.

“Hey, dude,” Dave said, catching him by the shoulders before it could escalate. “Ease off.”

“Of course I saw them,” Rose responded icily, putting her body in front of the doorway. “And that’s why I know full well how important it is that we keep this door closed for as long as possible.” She paused, jaw set, then added, “And it doesn’t matter. We’re no safer in here than they are out there.”

“What the hell _were_ those bastards?” Dave said, ignoring that last comment because of how anxious it made him. “I’m no Hitchcock but those sure ain’t like any other bird I ever saw.”

Deceptively calm, Rose tilted her head in agreement. “Yes. They seem _supernatural,_ somehow, don’t you think?”

Over by the wall, Kanaya silently put her head in her hands.

“What,” Dave said slowly. “…You think Scratch is involved?”

Rose shrugged, not paying any mind to Kanaya. Dave wondered what they had been talking about before he and Karkat had entered the room.

“It doesn’t take a genius to make that connection,” she said. “Scratch seems to have an unavoidable penchant for green, and…”

Dave snorted. “Oh, come on, that’s a looser connection than the cell signal in the middle of the Welsh countryside and you know it – ”

“If you think those things are so dangerous, why did you lock everyone else out there with them, then!?” Karkat interrupted. He was still uncomfortably attuned to the sound of yelling and crashing from outside the door, coming with flashes of pain and panic. “Look, I want Vriska to get her eyes pecked out as much as the next guy, but Nepeta and Tavros were in the main hall too – ”

“Karkat, they don’t _want_ to hide in here!” Rose snapped, cutting him off. “None of them do, they’ve been trying to fight those things since they first showed up, they think that just because we have superpowers, we can kill them. Nobody will listen to me, but I’ll say it again: it’s useless, I know, I’ve _seen_ that it’s useless. I knew from the beginning it would be pointless to try and – ”

In a fit of rage, Karkat grabbed her by the shoulders. “Wait, you _knew_ this was going to happen?” he yelled, shaking her aggressively. “And you didn’t warn us? There are people getting _hurt_ out there, you fucking – ”

 

Panicked, Dave and Kanaya both made a start towards him, but Rose shook him off herself, nonplussed.

“No. Not exactly,” she said. “The vision I had concerning today’s events was of a different situation. One which hasn’t happened yet. But it gave some things away. Namely the fact that all our attempts to beat these creatures will be futile.”

Sceptical, Karkat glared at her, one of Dave’s hands still resting on his left shoulder like a warning. But after she showed no sign of backing down, he cooled somewhat, probably because he sensed he had to.

“What?” he asked stiffly, after a pause. “What did you see?”

Rose set her jaw, and refused to answer.

“I know it’s what you prize yourself on, but cut the mysterious bullshit,” he said finally, grim-faced, after the two of them had glared daggers at one another for long enough. “Just tell us what you saw, and we’ll make a plan based on that.” He folded his arms, waiting. When Rose remained stubbornly silent, he added, with a scoff, “What, do you think you have to _bear the burden_ of knowing the future alone? Give me a fucking break.”

 

Rose continued to look at him with hard, shrewd eyes, one brow raised. When he didn’t crack under her stare, that seemed to cement her decision.

She smoothed down her skirt, and then reported, calmly: “In about ten minutes, Feferi will use her powers to bring the elephant from the mammal hall back to life in an effort to fight these creatures. She’ll then proceed to do the same to several other different displays. Of course, none of it will work. Currently we couldn’t defeat this force even if we tried with everything we have. Escape will be the only recourse.”

“So... it’s useless?” Karkat summarised, after a pause. “We’re getting attacked and we don’t know by who or why or how, but we just know we shouldn’t fight it and should _definitely_ just run away with our tails between our legs?”

Rose nodded. “That’s the situation, yes.”

Dave threw his hands up at that typically Lalondian expression of doom. “Well if it’s so useless to fight those things then let’s get the fuck out of here before anyone gets actually hurt for real.”

 

He started surveying the room for escape routes. _Damn. No outside window. Guess we’re getting out of this besieged ladies’ room via the hard route._

That word seemed to startle Rose. “...hurt?” Worryingly, her eyes slid, seemingly unconsciously, over to Kanaya.

Dave didn’t notice this. “Yeah. Even if we can’t kill them, is there any way we can just, like... hold them off? So we can get away?”

Rose considered that for a second. “Yes, there may be,” she said slowly. “I think... you could use your powers. And your sword.”

 “I don’t... have my sword.”

"...What?" Rose paused, seeming actually shocked at this revelation. _Huh, what a rarity,_ Dave thought. _I got one over on the psychic._

Not meeting her eye, he shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged defensively. “I didn’t bring it.”

“But you bring your sword everywhere,” Rose said in a disbelieving tone.

“To a museum?” Dave laughed humorlessly. It was humorless because he and Rose both knew that four months ago, he would’ve.

“You used to!” she said, accusatory. _Yep. Busted._

He threw his hands up. “Well I don’t know what you want me to do, Rose, I don’t fucking have it.”

“But you must do.”

“But I don’t!”

“But I saw it: in my vision, you had a sword – ”

 

“Kanaya,” Aradia said suddenly, making them all jump. She had a silent, lurking presence, which made it all too easy to forget she was in the room until she chose to announce herself.

Kanaya raised her head from her knees at the sound of her name. Her skirt was torn up one leg – probably from running – and there was a large scratch spanning her neck. “…Yes?”

"Upstairs there are quite a few replica swords on display…" Unfathomable as ever, Aradia absentmindedly ran a fingernail over the grimy surface of the bathroom mirror, lost in thought, then suggested, "Do you think you could bring one to us?"

“Huh?” Kanaya blinked. “You mean… from here?”

“Yes.”

“That… might be it,” Rose agreed. Her tone suggested that something was dawning on her.

“I could just use my powers to stop time and go grab one,” Dave pointed out, poised and ready to do just that. But Rose reached a hand out and stopped him.

“No, don’t. Something feels… _wrong_ about you doing it,” she frowned. “I think Kanaya needs to be the one to get the sword.” As he opened his mouth to argue, she added, frostily, “Don’t ask me why, Dave, I couldn’t say, but I think you should just listen to me at this point, don’t you? It’s been proven that I probably know what I’m talking about.”

He shut up, stung. Meanwhile Kanaya fidgeted at everyone’s eyes on her.

“I could… try,” she offered, still sounding unsure.

Aradia glided soundlessly across the floor and settled herself next to Kanaya, skirt pooling around her. “It may be difficult,” she said, in her low voice, as Kanaya compliantly closed her eyes and pressed her lips together. “There are a lot of people in the space between us and it, and we don’t want anyone to get hurt by accident. Speared through. Made into a tourist kebab.” She chuckled darkly to herself, but nobody else joined in. “Just focus on the nature of space, remember? Map everything out in your mind, then manipulate things however you see fit. You’re capable of that.”

 

There was a pause. The sound of shouting and crashing from outside got louder.

“I don’t think I can do this,” Kanaya said uncertainly, hands balling into fists on her knees. “I can’t remember where the replica swords are, or what they look like, and that means I can’t…”

 

 

After a bit of wavering, Rose made her way over and knelt next to Kanaya’s tense form, too, resting one hand over hers.

“A sword… I’ve seen it present in the future, Kanaya, I know what it looks like and I know you definitely succeed,” she said, still but pleading. “Please, I’m telling you, you can do it.”

 

 

Another pause. Kanaya’s eyes snapped wide open. “Move!”

She grabbed the other two girls and pulled them flat onto the ground and out of the way just as something came splintering through the door and embedded itself in the wall opposite, quivering.

 

 

“Holy shit,” Karkat said, clutching his arm. The thing had nicked him when it rushed past, leaving a gaping hole in the sleeve of his sweater.

Dave was already at the wall, inspecting the object.

“It’s a sword, alright,” he concluded, wrapping one hand around the hilt. On its journey, it had speared through one of the green crows, which was now pinned against the wall, twitching. When Dave pulled the sword free, its limp green body hit the ground and sizzled away to nothingness.

As Dave inspected the sword fascinatedly, running one finger up its bright silver edge, Karkat turned to Kanaya. She was slumped on the ground, breathing heavily.

“That… doesn’t look like any of the swords from the display…” he said, eyeing the weapon suspiciously.

It didn’t. It had a thick blade and twisted hilt, and, more importantly, was bright and sharp and unblemished.

Rather than the triumph they were all expecting, Kanaya looked very faint. “I… I couldn’t really remember what any of them looked like…” She bent over, eyes going hazy. “Sorry, I feel unwell, suddenly, after doing that…”

“So I’m, like, destined to use this bad boy to cut myself a neat slice of avian ass?” Dave said, testing its heft in his hand. _Feels like it was made for me._ “Gee, thanks, Kanaya. Christmas came early for one legal minor this year.”

 

Before Kanaya could respond to that – not that she would’ve – all their attentions were diverted by a crunching noise at the door. Something green was trying to force its way through the hole the sword had made. And succeeding.

A beak appeared. And then a bunch of splinters.

“Dave!” Rose shouted, just as the door gave way and a whole stream of green crackling energy made its way towards Kanaya.

 

 

Ready for anything, Dave spun, sword in hand, and slowed time. Everything froze, but to his absolute horror, the birds kept moving at the same immense speed, and they pierced straight through Kanaya’s middle.

 

“FUCK!”

 

Concentration broken, Dave let the time-freeze fall away. There was blood everywhere.

“Oh God, Dave, what – ” Rose was on the ground in an instant, shielding Kanaya’s gasping body with her own. It took everyone else a second to compute what had happened.

Dave managed to stutter out, “They – they can move even in frozen time, I – ” The crows came at him, and Dave cut a few of them down with a stroke of his sword, but more quickly replaced the fallen ones. He continued to blather as he fought, mouth set loose by shock. “ _Fuck,_ wait, this is terrible, this means my powers are _worse_ than useless, fuck – ”

“Kanaya, Kanaya, are you okay?” Rose said, grasping the other girl’s cheeks. Kanaya was laying there in shock, her eyes wide. “Come on, stay awake, let’s get out – ”

“ – we’re so screwed, this means I can’t do _shit_ – ”

“Oh dear,” Aradia said, a hand over her mouth. Gamzee looked like he hadn’t even noticed anything had happened.

Rose kept babbling. “ – Kanaya, don’t look down, just keep looking at me – ”

Still holding off the swooping creatures, Dave also stopped himself from looking over because _oh god, oh god, there’s a hole in the middle of her._

“…Kanaya?” Karkat said in a small voice, frozen in position by the door, eyes wide. He looked very small. “How did that…?”

 

Rose raised her head from where she was quickly covering Kanaya’s bleeding midriff with her scarf. “The rest of you, get out of here. You’ve got to help everyone else get away, as quickly as possible. I’ll – ” Her voice shook. “I’ll take care of Kanaya, I will, I swear.”

Karkat stepped forward. “But how are you going to – ”

Rose bent over, gritting her teeth as another one of the crows hit her directly in the shoulder, tearing her shirt, complete with a shower of green electric sparks. “It doesn’t matter. Just go!”

 

 

Taking matters into his own hands, Dave grabbed Karkat and yanked him out through the hole in the destroyed door.

 

Outside in the main hall, everyone else was doing a pretty good job of stemming the flow of oncoming paranormal fowl. Nepeta most of all, since she was able to directly swipe them straight out of the air with catlike precision. Sollux was also having some luck, creating a barrier of fizzling electricity around himself and a few huddled others.

The rest were having slightly less in the way of success. In the center of the room, Eridan was using his powers to try and burn the animals nearest to him, to no avail. (“Nice going, asshole, now they’re on fire!”)

It seemed like it was possible to kill them individually, but no individual killing made any difference. Fallen creatures were replaced by new ones almost instantly.

_It’s like even if you kill it, the green stuff reforms, and regroups, and –_

 

“Everyone, we need to step off!” Dave yelled, trying to get their attention. As soon as they had exited the bathroom, Karkat had immediately broken into a run towards the group of classmates, but Dave held his ground by the wall, sword at the ready. When nobody responded, he yelled again. “Hey! Apparently we’re not even supposed to try and kill these things, we’ve just got to run as far and fast as we can in the other direction!”

“Nah, are you kiddin!” Eridan continued to direct flames at the birds swooping around him. In his journey across the room, Karkat was narrowly missed by one lasso of fire, which he ducked under, swearing loudly, then disappeared off into another wing and out of sight. “We’ve got this in the bag, we’re killin them in droves, see!”

Dave allowed himself a noise of frustration. “Look, it’s what the psychic said, not me! And you don’t _understand –_ ”

 

“That’s quitter talk!” a voice came from beside him. He turned to see Terezi, also against the wall, holding her own impressively considering her powers weren’t any good for fighting. She was using the sharp end of her cane to spear through anything unfortunate enough to come near.

“Oh. Hey,” he said, glad to see her unscathed.

Pausing in her slashing for a second, Terezi grinned at him, indicating that the same was true for her.

“Look out,” Dave added, then raised up his sword and sliced through three birds at once as they came at him over Terezi’s left shoulder. The edge of his sword missed her neck by a hair’s breadth.

Terezi froze, eyebrows raised. The birds fell between them and lay twitching on the floor.

 

He examined one for the few seconds before it disintegrated. _Broad wings. Hooked beak. Splayed legs. That’s a crow, alright, even if I’m not the country’s leading ornithologist._

_…Well isn’t this some deja-fuckin-vu._

“Whoa, thanks,” Terezi was saying, looking at the bird too. “Hey, you’re badass with that sword. I thought you were kidding when you said you had ninja training.” She smiled lopsidedly, rolling the corpse over with one red sneaker. “Or were you just using your powers to cheat again?”

“Nah. Can’t use my powers right now.” At Terezi’s responding puzzlement, Dave went on, “Look, something’s up with these things, I’m telling you, they’re no joke. Kanaya just got seriously hurt.”

The smile dropped off Terezi’s face. The birds between them disappeared with a fizzle. “Wait, she what?”

“That’s what I’ve been saying, this isn’t some fun day out at the beach where anyone gets to slice as much feathered ass as they like. Rose says her visions say this fight is rigged, or something like that, and the only thing to do is get everyone out of here – ”

 

“Just like I thought,” someone announced from right next to Dave, and he whipped around and was a second away from slicing their head clean off out of sheer panic when he realized it was Dirk.

Or, at least, _a_ Dirk.

“Keep your cool,” Dirk said, gently pushing the blade away from his face with a fingertip. “It’s only me.”

Dave wanted to make a snarky comment in response to that, but was too rattled to think one up. Over a few feet away, another Dirk was working hard with a katana from the upstairs display, keeping the birds at bay to let them talk in peace for a minute.

“So the plan is to evacuate the building, right?” Dirk went on, unsettlingly calm. “A full retreat? Is that what Rose said we needed to do?”

It took Dave a second to realize he had been asked a question. He was distracted by the rate at which the other Dirk was mowing down attacking birds. And over in the corner, there was another one, helping Sollux to his feet – and over by the archway, there was another, fighting back-to-back with Jake –  “Uh, right.”

“Okay, evacuation it is,” Dirk said. “I’ll let the people know. Dave, it’d probably be best if you’d stay and use your powers to help me get everyone out of here safely.”

“But I can’t – ”

Dirk was already gone before Dave could explain, drawing another sword from his belt and jumping back into the fray. Dave looked down at his own sword held out in front of him, pristine and silver, feeling uncertainty suddenly lurching up into his throat.

 

After the moment of dread had passed, he raised his eyes to find Terezi watching him.

She smiled. He quickly lowered his sword to his side.

“Well,” she said, indicating around herself, “as much as I’d love to be any help, I should probably get myself out of the way as quick as I can. With all the commotion I can barely smell anything that’s going on here. And I wouldn’t want you to have to drag my unconscious body to the bus.” She tilted her head, glasses sliding down her nose to reveal her blank eyes. “Might put out your lovely back. Heheh.”

Looking into her eyes, Dave wondered, as always, if she could feel the screaming white noise that was threatening to fill his head right now.

Instead of following through with that thought, he started strategizing to mask the panic. “Okay. That’s a good idea. On your way out, you should probably head over to the girls’ bathrooms and see if Rose needs any help with Kanaya. She got…” he swallowed. “She got hurt.”

Terezi was good enough not to comment on that waver, or to ask any further questions. “Sounds like a plan! Stay safe.”

She patted his arm cheerfully, paused, then pulled him in and planted a big wet kiss on his cheek. As she jogged away, Dave regained his senses and called after her.

“Wait, Terezi!”

She half-turned. “What?”

 

He reached her just in time to grab her shoulder and yank her backwards slightly. A bunch of crows sliced through the space where she had been a second before and hit the wall, dropping down dead with a selection of hollow thuds.

 

“Whew,” Terezi said, disturbingly blasé for someone who came very close to losing their head. “It’s tough being the blind girl on the battlefield. Thanks, coolkid, you’re a real hero, ten out of ten, don’t know what I’d do without you!”

“Yeah, no, whatever you say.” Dave shook his head, then pushed her forwards, subtly. “Get going. It feels like these fucks are increasing by the second.”

 

He pointed Terezi in the direction of the toilets, and she weaved her way through the crowd and disappeared. Now that he was alone again, Dave headed over towards a large display case of fossils, where Dirk was issuing orders to the little bunch of students who remained in the building – Sollux, Rufioh, Latula, Nepeta, Eridan. Dave noted, with a little bitterness, that everyone was listening to him.

“I’m telling you, we’ve got to get out through the fire exits on this level and gather by the road with everyone else until Slick brings the bus round. We’re like sitting ducks for them when we’re indoors like this.”

“We can’t lead them out onto the street, you asshole!” Sollux spat. “They’ll hurt civilians!”  

Dirk shook his head. “These things won’t hurt anyone other than us. Not directly, anyway.”

“What makes you so sure of that!?”

“Call it a hunch,” Dirk replied, deadpan.

Sollux threw his hands up. He was crackling with the effort of holding up an electrical barrier to protect their little group from oncoming attacks. “Forgive me for not wanting to get innocent people hurt over your fucking _hunch!_ ”

Dirk shrugged, then killed a bird which had gotten under the barrier with one swift stroke of his sword, pinning it to the ground. “Well then, if it makes you feel better, let’s say I’m sure.” He paused. “Why, what alternative do you propose?”

Sollux opened his mouth, then shut it, grim. His glasses were smashed on one side.

“Feferi had an idea,” he said sullenly.

 

“Oh yeah, about that – ” Dave said, stepping around the barrier to join the group, but before he could start talking Karkat appeared in the doorway in front of them, wild-eyed and frantic.

“Jesus, dude, what happened to you?” Sollux gasped, taken aback by the other boy’s scratched up visage.

Ignoring that, Karkat ran forward and grabbed Dirk’s arm with a vice-like grip. “You!” he snapped, “If you’re gonna act like you’re in charge here, then tell me this: where the fuck did Gamzee go!?”

Dirk looked down at Karkat’s hand on his bicep. “Uh, sorry, who?”

“The clown, the idiot fucking juggalo!” Karkat growled, pulling away to rake a hand through his already-dishevelled hair in distress. “He wandered out of the bathroom while no-one was looking and now he’s god knows where and the only person left unaccounted for! That guy couldn’t find his own oversized _shoes_ if you gave him a map, let alone the nearest exit and I searched all over for him but there’s no telltale whiff of fucking faygo _anywhere_ and I know the only thing he’s ever been good at is being the first person to stumble ass-first into trouble whenever it rears its ugly head – ”

Dirk held his hands out. “Okay, okay, calm down. We’ll get everyone away safely, your friend included. All you need to worry about is getting out of here and getting back to the bus.”

“Bull fucking shit!” Karkat yelled. “I’m not leaving this place until I’ve personally punched his miracle-seeing ass into _yesterday – ”_

“Karkat, trust me, I’ve got things under control for now,” Dirk said calmly, and Dave, to his surprise, felt a spike of something ugly go through him hearing Dirk say Karkat’s name. “As long as nothing decides to go wrong from here on out, we’re good to hightail it back to – ”

 

 _It’s been longer than ten minutes,_ Dave realized suddenly, like a clock had chimed in his head.

 

As if to answer that thought, the section of wall in front of them crashed in.

 

 

“Hey everyone!” Feferi chirped, her round face emerging through the swimming dust. She was about ten feet up, because she was riding on the back of a shambling, dead-eyed elephant. “Meet our newest soldier!”

 

Everyone, now frozen against the wall on the other side of the room, amidst debris and smashed pieces of priceless exhibits, gawked at her.

Sollux groaned. “Feferi, literally _nobody_ said that this was a good idea – ”

 

 

Dirk sidled over to Dave while everyone else (except Nepeta, who was thrilled) was distracted with chewing out Feferi for creating something that would freak out the tourists, while she insisted that her new creation gave her a ‘height advantage’ when it came to fighting and ‘all the tourists ran away anyway so who cares!’. There were several other awakened displays now wandering eerily around the hall, climbing over the pile of rubble beside the hole and crushing the remaining birds in their fists. Dave nervously watched a gorilla inch past him, dull-eyed.

“Are you in the mood for clown hunting?” Dirk asked him a low voice. “I could probably use someone with your abilities trying to navigate this place.”

“I’ve been trying to fucking tell you,” Dave snapped, heart still pounding from the crash, not bothering to lower the sword still drawn in front of him. “I can’t _use_ my powers against these things. They can move at the same speed as me, even when I slow things down or stop them, and you know what that means?” Dirk opened his mouth, but Dave answered his own question first. “Bad fucking news, that’s what that means. If I freeze time then from my perspective they move quick but from everyone else’s perspective they move at the speed of fucking light. People get hurt instantly. So, quite honestly, if I use my powers at all, we’re screwed. I’m the _opposite_ of useful.”

 

There was a pause. Another huge crash resounded from the other side of the room as the elephant group exited the building the non-traditional way, but neither Strider looked over.

 

Dirk broke eye contact first. “I see. I guess I’ll go it alone, then.” He started to look around. “Or should I take Karkat with me? Would he be any help? What is that guy’s ability, anyway?”

“Nah, Karkat’s no good at fighting, leave him out of it – ” Dave started to say, but stopped when he noticed a look of alarm creeping onto Dirk’s face. “…What?”

“Uh. He said he was going to stay, didn’t he? Then… where is he?”

They both looked around. The room was now empty. There was another elephant-sized hole in the outer wall that hadn’t been there minutes before, and the sound of excited whooping as Feferi’s gang retreated from the museum, with the remaining crows in hot pursuit. But no Karkat.  

 

“He was on that side of the room with the rest of us when Feferi came through the wall,” Dave said, mouth suddenly dry. His eyes strayed down to the fossil cabinet, which had been toppled in the first crash and was now laying horizontal. Or almost horizontal. It was at a slight angle, actually.

Looked like Dirk had noticed the same thing. “Well damn.”

 

Before Dave could even think he was on his knees beside the cabinet –

“Dave – Dave stop – ”

– desperately trying to get a hold on one wooden edge. It was immensely heavy, and barely even rocked when he used all of his weight. He tried harder.

“Dave, don’t, you’re not strong enough to lift it by yourself,” Dirk repeated, appearing beside him and trying, unsuccessfully, to prise him away. Despite his cool tone, he looked a little ruffled now, too. _Oh god oh god._

“Fuck _you_ I’m not _strong enough,”_ Dave wheezed, managing to get a hold on the thing and lifting it just a fraction. But that was all he needed.

 

“Yeah, he’s under there,” Dirk reported hoarsely, down on his haunches, “Must’ve gotten pinned when it fell. Don’t worry, I’m telling Equius to come right now, he’ll be able to lift this thing off the poor guy.”

“How about _I can do it my fucking self,”_ Dave got out through gritted teeth. “I just made nice with this guy for the first time today, I’ll be damned if it was all for nothing – ” His voice gave out, so he stopped talking.

“Hey, Karkat, you all right in there?” Dirk called. Silence. “He’s out cold.”

“Oh for God’s sake,” Dave choked. His grip almost slipped on the cabinet for a second but he steeled himself and managed to keep it together. “Hey, get over here and hold this up so I can go under and drag his ass out.”

“What?” Dirk looked at him. “Are you joking? I can’t hold that by myself, and neither can you, not really. Just wait for Equius to get here, he’s literally at the entrance – ”

“I didn’t ask for your opinion, I asked you to hold it,” Dave said, straining. “Make a couple duplicates if it’s so hard, I’m not waiting for Equius.”

That made Dirk’s head snap up. He stared at Dave, letting the pause stretch uncomfortably long as Dave continued to struggle with the cabinet’s weight.

“Look,” Dirk said eventually, in a slow voice. “I get what you’re trying to do. But I don’t need this right now. I’m split between eight places at the current moment and you can’t use your powers. Neither of us can do this. Equius is a strong guy, that’s a heavy case. You use a hammer on a nail. End of story.” He paused again, looking hard at Dave. “Don’t try and be the hero,” he added, his voice hardening.

Dave looked around. _Okay, he’s not gonna play ball. Fine. I’ll get Karkat out by myself._ His eyes came to a stop on the sword hanging at his belt.

He looked around again. _No birds. For now, at least._

 

With one final look at Dirk’s disapproving face, he thought, _fuck it,_ and used his powers.

 

 

The room went colder and stiller, and when he took his hands off the cabinet it didn’t fall but hung in suspension, precariously.

Dave looked at it for a second, heart pounding. _I’ll never get how the physics work here._ He touched the cabinet with one finger, tentative, and then jolted forward in a panic when the motion caused the thing to tip downwards just a little. _Okay, okay. Won’t risk it._

He took his sword out and, after a running a finger over its edge once, used it to prop up the cabinet at a safe angle.

Then he got down on his hands and knees and crawled into the darkened gap and grabbed onto the first thing he bumped into and dragged it out into the light.

 

 

As soon as Dave let time resume, the sword splintered in two.

 

Dirk started. “Dave – what – ”

He looked at the cabinet, horrified, as it was sent crashing flat to the ground, but the horror drained away and was replaced with confusion when he turned and saw Dave suddenly on the other side of the room crouched beside a dark, slumped figure.

“I was quick about it,” Dave said. He was kneeling over Karkat’s body, checking his pulse. _Bashed up, but still breathing. Ok. Ok._ “Less than thirty seconds in my time. Hopefully the others have gotten far enough from those shitty electric birds that I didn’t just screw them over.”

“You used your powers!?”

Dave leaned over, putting one finger in front of Karkat’s lips and feeling the comforting puff of warm breath. “Like I said, I was quick about it.”

Equius came running through the doorway. “Somebody… called for me?”

 “Yeah, Equius, dude,” Dirk said, rising to his feet without taking his uncertain gaze off Dave. “We need you to carry Karkat, he got knocked out.”

“No need, I’ve got him,” Dave said instantly. Like earlier in the day, he leant down and slotted an arm under Karkat’s shoulders, making to lift him up. A groan shaken out of the other boy’s unconscious body at the motion startled him, and he froze.

“Dave, step back!” Dirk said, jolting forwards and managing to successfully pull Dave away this time. “Don’t move him.”

“Oh god, his head is bleeding.” Dave looked down at his right hand, stained red.

Equius hefted Karkat up into his arms with much more ease, though the unconscious boy’s head still lolled alarmingly. There was fresh blood on his forehead, bright under his dark hairline.

“I will take him to where everybody else is gathered by the road,” Equius said. “…Well. Everyone except for… the clown.”

“Oh, don’t worry about him,” Dirk said, re-sheathing his sword and surveying the room one final time. “I’ve found him. Now all we need to do is to get the fuck out of this crazy alien planet they call Earth.”

 

“Dave,” Dirk said, turning back as Equius left the room with Karkat nestled in his arms. “The faster we leave, the better.”

Dave had stopped for a second, kneeling beside the fallen cabinet as if in search for something.

“Yeah, I’m coming,” he replied. But first, he reached under the wreckage, and pulled out the shattered sword – now only sporting half a blade – and took it with him as he left the building.

 

 

Just like Equius had said, the rest of their classmates were gathered on the street outside, a cluster of bright green hats. Some were standing, on guard, while others were on the ground from their injuries. The Disciple and the Summoner were there too, looking completely confused, and Dave caught sight of Rose, holding the handles of a fold-out museum wheelchair that sported a slumped and bleeding Kanaya. She gave him a solemn look after her eyes passed over Karkat.

The civilians must have heard there was some sort of attack going down, because the streets were dead empty apart from their classmates, with only the occasional car or coach passing by on the road. The remains of the elephant and Feferi’s other creatures lay motionless on the lawn.

The only other figures in sight were the green birds, who were perched, eerily still, on the trees and railings all around them, watching.

 

 

The four on the steps slowed to a stop just in front of the group, looking between their classmates and the unmoving birds.

Everyone on the sidewalk looked nervous as hell. They were also eyeing the birds. It felt kind of like the birds were eyeing them back.

 

Another Dirk came running down the entrance steps just after the other four, with Gamzee in tow.

“He was camping out in the planetarium.” Dirk let go of his shirt and Gamzee stumbled forwards, expressionless. “Stargazing, I guess. At the worst time possible. But somehow he managed to come out completely unscathed, so I guess he must’ve been thanking his lucky stars.” He stopped when he realized the situation, staring around himself. “Whoa. What’s going on here?”

 

“Them birds just stopped attackin suddenly,” Meenah said as the stragglers got closer, shrugging, but not taking her eyes off the power lines weighed down by green bodies. She was on the ground, holding some kind of gardening tool she must have poached to use as weapon. “An now they’re just sittin there watchin us like we’re Tippi Hedren an a whole bunch of schoolkids fresh outta the gate.”

“Not for long, though,” Rose said, eyes dark, but nobody paid any attention.

“We can’t get hold of Slick, either,” Vriska added, furious. “That fucker must be off getting coffee somewhere with his phone on Do Not Disturb because he’s not answering _any_ of our calls. But he’s got a few angry voicemails waiting for him once he decides to, I’ll tell you that for free, and the second we get back I’m buying Ms Paint a phone because I’m pretty fucking sure she must be with him, wherever she is!”

“So the bus is a no-go,” Dirk said, pressing his mouth into a thin line. He must’ve been re-joining all his duplicates scattered around the museum into one, because the second version of him standing with Gamzee faded into non-existence and he shook his head to clear it. “Okay. That’s fine. We’ll improvise.”

 

 

He turned his attention to the road, and everyone else followed suit. A New York city bus trundled along towards them at 20mph, blissfully unaware as it moved along its daily route.

 

Dirk stepped out into the road, sword pointing forward. The bus screeched to a stop to avoid hitting him, and the driver flipped him off, mouth moving in silent fury behind the glass.

 

He turned his head to the side. “Rox? Do you want to try and talk to them?”

“You _do_ know that this is unquestionably considered a crime in this country, right?” Kankri chimed in. Unfortunately he was one of the ones completely unharmed, and he rose to his feet with his arms folded, ready to start an argument.

Nobody let him. Roxy emerged from the crowd, putting on a brave smile despite the fact that her face was streaked with the obvious remnants of tears in the form of her eye makeup. Dave had noticed that her best friend Jane was among the ones lying on the ground, unconscious.

“Can’t make an omelette without… breaking a few laws, my dude,” she said miserably.

 

After tapping on the glass door and being admitted by a very perplexed driver, Roxy stepped up onto the bus.

“Hey all you nice people!” she said, putting her hands up and grinning uncertainly at the bus of terrified strangers. “We don’t mean to spook you or anything but it’s just that we really need to use this bus so it’d be super great if you’d let us do that without any questions asked!”

The occupants of the bus just continued to stare at her, baffled. She drooped. “Yeah. I didn’t think it would be that easy.”

The bus driver blinked, hands still on the wheel. “Miss, how old are you? …Are you trying to hijack us?” he asked.

Dirk stepped onto the bus behind her, blade drawn. “She is, and it’s going to work.” There was still no movement. “Come on, now. This is your stop right here.”

Now the New Yorkers looked even more perplexed, and some of them seemed on the verge of laughter. An old man near the back of the bus said, “Is that a _katana_ you’re threatening us with?”

“Yeah, it is.” Dirk indicated to the door. “Single file, no pushing.”

 

A few seconds later, he leant back out of the doorway and hissed, “ _It’s not working.”_

“Well try harder!” Vriska hissed back.

Meenah pushed past her, fingers flexed and ready. “Let _me_ handle this.”

But Vriska grabbed her arm. “No, come on, we absolutely _cannot_ torture a bunch of civilians. Even _I_ think that would be fucked up.”

“Awh, come on, move it, Serket, don’t be a square.” Several of the people on the bus started craning their necks, looking worried. Meenah pointed, grinning. “Yeah, that’s right, just you wait, I’m comin for you!”

“Vriska,” Rose called, a warning in her voice. “Get those people off that bus right now.”

“Alright, Lalonde, calm your tits! What do you think we’re trying to do?”

“No, but I’m telling you,” Rose said, hands going tight on Kanaya’s wheelchair. Dave looked over at her, concerned by her tone. “Do it _now_. Right now.”

Vriska tilted her head back, frowning as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. “What’s got you so wound up?”

 

She stopped when she saw the expression on Rose’s face, then looked over Rose’s shoulder to where everyone else was staring. The birds, lined up and looking down on them from awnings and tree branches, were starting to move, just slightly, shuffling on their thin legs.

“Fuck,” Vriska said under her breath, watching one rearrange its crackling wings very deliberately. She grabbed Dirk’s shoulder, breaking his concentration as he tried to stare down the bus driver. “Seriously, we need to get on right now. It looks like those feathery assholes are going to start attacking again any time soon.”

“You heard her,” Dirk said, raising his voice, katana still held out in front of him even though nobody seemed intimidated by it. “Get off the bus.”

“What the hell do you think you’re playing at?” the bus driver said, staring him up and down. “Don’t think I won’t call the police!”

“Hey, this is a fucking emergency, old timer!” Vriska snapped, pushing past Dirk and grabbing the driver by the front of his uniform. “Get out before I _make_ you get out!”

“They’re getting closer,” someone called from outside, nervously.

“You’re just kids, so I’ll let you off,” the bus driver was saying, trying to prise Vriska’s fingers off him. “I won’t call the police as long as you step out of the bus right now, and put that sword away.”

“And I’m telling you, get off the bus,” Dirk replied, calmly.

“Wait, what are all those weird birds doing out there?” one passenger said, staring out the window with fright clear on her face. “I am _not_ going anywhere near those things! Oh god – look how many there are – ”

“They won’t hurt you,” Dirk was saying, but there was a hubbub of panic rising on the bus as people started noticing the birds.

“Why are they _green?”_

“What the hell is going on? Why does that kid with all the hair gel have a sword?”

“Huh, it looks like those birds out there are coming closer – ”

“Everyone, please calm down and get off the bus.”

“Dirk, they’re seriously about to attack – ”

 

“ _Right_ , that’s _enough_!” Vriska snapped, stepping forward and raising her hands in front of her. “CLEAR OUT, ALL OF YOU!”

 

 

It was like she had cast a spell. Everyone went silent. And then, the passengers of the bus stood up with blank faces and slowly filed out, one by one. Dirk and Roxy stepped aside to let them pass.

 

Once the last one was off – the bus driver – Dirk turned to Vriska, eyebrows raised.

“Don’t say a word,” she said, holding a hand up. She was very pale. “I feel like shit all of a sudden for some reason.” She pointed to a seat over at the back of the bus. “I’m going over there, and I’m going to pass out.”

And then she did just that.

 

Roxy turned to the rest. “Everyone, quick, get on, injured people first.”

 

 

As the last of the Doc Scratch kids rushed on board, Dirk singled one in particular out and shoved him into the driver’s seat.

“Horuss, you’re a good driver, right?”

“Not a bus driver, though,” the boy squeaked, raising his goggles.

Dirk clapped him on the shoulder. “Good news: today you learn a new skill.”

 

 

The birds geared up and started to fly at the bus again just as the kids figured out the lever to shut the doors. Crackling green electricity hit the glass windows, creating spiralling cracks, and the vehicle shuddered from side to side.

“Horuss, floor it!”

The engine started with a spluttering cough and they peeled away from the curb, leaving a group of dazed civilians standing out the front of the American Museum of Natural History with a hell of a story to tell to their families tonight.

 

 

Dave was sitting in his seat, knuckles white with anxiety on the handle of his broken sword, when a shadow fell over him. He looked up to see Equius looming in the aisle, still holding the dead weight of Karkat in his arms.

“I believe this is yours.”

“Uh, yeah, you could say that.” Dave accepted the delivery. With Equius’ surprisingly careful touch, Karkat ended up sprawled horizontally across the seat, his head cushioned in Dave’s lap, and Dave didn’t even have it in him to care anymore.

 

The movement made the other boy stir, beginning to come round. His eyes opened a fraction, and then creased into a heavy frown against the light. “…What the fuck.”

“Hey bro,” Dave said. The bus was now moving at a criminal speed through the streets, as a streak of bright green followed close behind them, weaving and screeching. “This bring back any memories? Supine in the school bus?”

Not answering that, Karkat reached up to rub the back of his head, then winced, finding his hair matted with blood. “What happened?”

For some reason, Dave’s chest felt heavy with emotion. “You passed out,” he supplied, sounding calmer than he felt.

Hearing the turmoil around them – Dirk barking orders from the front of the bus, Meenah and somebody arguing, Horuss yelling as he pulled off hairpin turns that nearly caused the bus to topple onto its side – Karkat tried to look around, but hissed when pain shot through his neck and returned his gaze upwards, to the face hovering above him, worried. He frowned, then reached a hand up, and brushed his fingers over Dave’s cheek.

Dave flinched. “Wha – ”

Karkat’s fingertip came away bright red.

They both looked at it. Dave hadn’t even realized he had blood on his face.

“Is that mine or yours?” Karkat asked, dazed.

“Uh. Yours,” Dave replied. Logically, it most likely was. Dave had a few scratches from those nasty beaks, but was otherwise unscathed. “From when I was carrying you, probably.”

Horns blared from all sides as Horuss sped through a red light. _“Oh my god, sorry sorry sorry, I know I should’ve let you merge first – !”_

“Oh,” Karkat said thoughtfully, like Dave had just told him they were thinking of making a sequel to _He’s Just Not That Into You._ He mulled it over for a second more, eyes hazy, then said “…Am I going to die?”

“Haha. No. You’re fine.” Dave tried to reassuringly pat Karkat’s shoulder, unsure of how to comfort someone who definitely had a concussion. He got no response. “Karkat? You okay, buddy?” Still silence. Karkat’s eyelashes lowered. _He’s not going to pass out again, is he? He looks like he is. I feel like it would probably be bad if he did pass out again, like not falling asleep might be the first rule of concussions –_ “Hey, come on, what did I just say, you’re fine.”

_Okay, he’s gone._

Someone reached out and stopped Dave as he went to shake Karkat awake. “Don’t move him around too much,” Dirk said, pulling his hand back. “Not a good idea. He might have a spine injury.”

“Oh. Shit.” Dave’s hand wavered over Karkat’s forehead, considering raking the hair back, until he decisively shoved it into his hoodie pocket instead.

In the aisle, Dirk straightened up. He rubbed a hand over his face, exhaustion written all over him. “Karkat’s not the only one who’s out,” he reported. “Jane, Meulin, Tavros. Vriska is gone for now, too. Mituna got overwhelmed almost instantly, and now he’s basically catatonic again. And then there’s Kanaya, of course.”

“How’s she doing?” Dave asked, and Rose heard his question from a few seats away and answered.

“Displaying quite an amazing feat of physics. I didn’t know a single person could hold this much blood in their body.” She laughed lightly, and Dave could tell she was close to tears when she added, “I’m scared out of my mind, Dave.”

“We’re heading for the portal as fast as we can, and we’ll get her to the Dolorosa as soon as we arrive,” Dirk reassured her, running a hand through his hair. “It’s just a crying shame our healer is out for the count. This is one situation where we really could’ve used her.”

 

Their attention was drawn away by a crash from the back of the bus.

Everyone turned to see the Summoner on the floor, with Meenah standing over him.

“You’d betta decide to speak before I twist your tongue clean out!” she threatened, splaying her fingers and making the Summoner howl in agony again. People were beginning to stand up in their seats, alarmed.

“Come on, tell me!” she went on, eyes dark. “What _happened_ back there?”

“Meenah, what are you doing!?” The Disciple cried out, clambering over a chair to get to her.

Meenah turned her hand towards the woman and she screamed too, falling to the floor. “And you can shut your mouth as well, bitch! As far as I’m concerned, you’re workin with him!”

“Working with who!?” The Disciple yelled in between convulsions, tears leaking out. Nepeta crawled out of her seat and went to her side, horror written on her face.

“Don’t play dumb with me! Doc Scratch, the one who set those fuckin birds on our asses!”

“Meownah, we don’t even know if it was him!” Nepeta protested, clasping the Disciple’s hand between her own.

“Like shit we don’t know it was him! Who else could it have been?”

“I don’t know… _anything_ about what happened!” The Summoner choked out. “I’m just as confused as you are!”

Meenah sneered. “You must know something, you’re his staff member, mofo! What, did he not specify that you had to be rank fuckin evil in the job interview?” She twisted her hand, and both of them writhed again. “Speak up!”

“Meenah, Meenah, stop it!” Feferi said, bursting down the aisle from the front of the bus and grabbing the older girl’s shoulders. “This isn’t the way you should get information out of people, it isn’t right!”

 

Meenah glared at her. Then she sighed and lowered her hand. The two teachers fell down, limp and gasping.

“I’m only agreein to stop cause you’re so cute,” she warned, while Feferi beamed at her momentarily. “I still think it’s real fuckin shady that these two say they ain’t know nothin about this evil son of a bitch employer of theirs.”

Feferi shook her head, fluffy hair flying all over the place. “You’re wrong, Meenah! Doc Scratch can’t be behind all of this.” She balled her hands into fists, pouting. “Why would he attack us? We’re his students!”

“That’s what I want to know!”

The two of them were distracted by a sharp noise of horror coming from nearby.

Meenah looked over, raising her pierced eyebrows. “Little Pyrope? You got somethin to say?”

 

Everyone looked over Terezi, sitting in the window seat. She was dead pale.

“I just realized something,” she said, her voice hollow. “In all the times I’ve met him, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to read Doc Scratch’s mind.”

 

 

Dualscar and the Condesce were in the medical bay with the Dolorosa when the kids burst through the door with armfuls of bleeding classmates, and they jumped to their feet in horror. When Aranea went forward and explained that they had been attacked by some strange paranormal birds during their school trip, they were furious. They immediately left out of the room after announcing they were going to go track down Scratch, with Dualscar using his super speed to zip out of sight in an instant and the Condesce stalking after him.

“So it _was_ Scratch,” Meenah said, leaning on the doorway with her arms crossed as havoc unfolded around her, streams of people hurrying in and out. Aranea turned, hands on hips.

“Meenah, you don’t know that.”

“How else do you explain the way they reacted? We didn’t say nothin about him.”

“He’s the headmaster! Of course they’re going to go report to him.”

Meenah tilted her head, braids falling over her shoulders. From where he was watching near the window, Dave as reminded that the two of them had recently gone through a messy breakup. “You’re real obtuse, Serket.”

“And you’re just looking for a fight.”

Meenah laughed sharply. “Hell yeah I am!”

 

The Dolorosa stood up abruptly. “Everyone who isn’t injured or going to help me with those who are injured, please get out. This is a medical ward, not a playground.” People were still hauling kids through the doors and laying them on beds. It seemed like even the people who weren’t out cold were banged up in some way.

“Alright,” Meenah said, putting her hands up. “I’ll go find trouble somewhere else. Doc Scratch’s office, maybe.”

Dave and Rose shared a look, but were quickly distracted by a flurry of brisk commands from the Dolorosa. “Alright. You two, you’re the first people I saw so you’re my assistants. Wash your hands before you touch anything. I need bandages, disinfectant, cotton swabs. Syringes are in the cupboard over there. The things I can’t fix with telekinesis, I’ll have to treat the old-fashioned way.”

 

 

The Dolorosa worked through the night with her healing powers. She spent the longest on Kanaya, her frail head bent over the bloodstained mattress in the corner, Rose right at her side. At about 2am, they sent Dave to the spare bed in the corner to get some sleep.

“What about you?” Dave said, eyeing up his sister. She was swaying on her feet.

Rose laughed. “Dave. Sleep is the last thing on my mind.”

 

 

When morning came, Dualscar entered the room, waking up Dave from some vivid fever dream, and reported that Scratch was missing.

 

After Dualscar left, Dave sat up, rubbing his stiff neck as he squinted around the ward, newly silent. Light was filtering in through the shutters. Most of the beds were filled with sleeping forms. Rose was sitting on the edge of the bed by the window, sponging off Kanaya’s forehead, and the Dolorosa was propped up at her desk, measuring out a dosage of medicine.

Dave’s eyes widened when he looked at her. It looked like she had aged about twenty more years during the night. Her already-lined face was completely haggard.

 

Near the entrance, Dirk was sitting backwards on a rolling chair, patching up his own scratches. He looked up briefly when he heard Dave stir, then returned his attention to the task. “Hey. Nice bedhead.”

Dave scratched at his stomach, groggy. Then something at the end of the bed caught his attention – the remains of the sword, sitting next to his backpack and the stupid green hat. He had dragged that broken piece of shit with him all the way from the museum, and now it was lying there in the hospital bed like an injured thing, reminding him of how badly fucked up everything had gotten.

“How are you feeling?” he asked Dirk, turning his attention to the pile of bloodstained tissues by the other boy’s feet so he didn’t have to think about that.

“Me? I’m fine,” Dirk muttered, flexing his elbow, cotton ball in hand. “Didn’t get hurt at all, really, compared to the others. I can’t complain.”

Dave watched. It reminded him of how he used to clean up his painful concrete scuffs on the bathroom floor after a spar with Bro. “How does that work?” He asked. “You know, injuries. With your power and all.”

“The duplicates can get hurt as much as they want, and it usually doesn't affect my main body.” Dirk grinned wryly, mopping at the dried blood on his knee. “I was just careless this time.”

Dave laughed bitterly. “If you were careless, what does that make the rest of us?” He snorted, running a hand through his hair, when Dirk didn’t have any reply for that. “You really saved the day, huh.”

 _That_ got Dirk’s attention. “What?”

“You know. Kept your head, got us all out of there.” Dave shut his eyes. “Like a fuckin adult.”

When he opened them again, Dirk had paused in his task to look at Dave with a flat expression.

“I just did what I could, Dave,” he said, carefully. “And you did the same.”

 _Yeah, I did everything I could do,_ Dave thought. _That is, jack and shit. I couldn’t protect anyone._ He didn’t say it, though.

 

Meanwhile, Dirk was getting to his feet, fresh bandages in place. “I’m going back to my room. Grab myself a shower, then maybe something to eat.” He stopped beside the bed and jokingly ruffled Dave’s bed-mussed hair. “Make sure you do that later, too, okay, little man?”

Dave resisted the urge to shake his hand off. Once Dirk was gone, he grabbed his shades from the table beside him and slotted them onto his face, not bothering to neaten up the bed before making his way over to his sister.

 

“How’s Kanaya?” he asked. Looking at her, head turned to the side on the pillow, face clean of witchy makeup and blood, she looked like a corpse.

“She’s fine,” Rose answered, quiet. It was strange to see her sitting with her hands folded unmoving in her lap. Usually she was busy knitting, or writing, when she got a spare moment. “Everyone pulled through, more or less. But it seems like she won’t be awake for quite a while.”

“Are you going to stay with her?” Dave already knew the answer, but he asked anyway.

“Every second.”

They both looked at Kanaya again, and her soft shock of black hair, and then he heard Rose sigh from beside him. “I’m sorry, Dave. I realize now that I’ve probably been making you worry, all this time.”

Dave didn’t know what to say. _Yeah, you have. Like a bitch, actually._ “S’not your fault.”

Rose went on, voice heavy. “I won’t drink anymore.” It was obvious that she could tell that Dave had opened his mouth to cast some doubt on that, so she shook her head before he could. “No, seriously, I won’t. I’m not touching a drop from now on. I asked Roxy to go to my room and take all the bottles away so I can’t even be tempted. Even if I get nightmares, even if the visions get worse, I’ll just have to find some other way to deal with it.”

Dave could tell that didn’t need a reply. He watched his sister put her hand over Kanaya’s, lying on the white sheets, carefully running a finger over one of the other girl’s perfectly manicured nails.

“Maybe if I’d handled things better… if I hadn’t started drinking, if I’d listened to the visions more carefully…” she said, voice thick with regret. “Maybe I could’ve done something to stop this.”

“Rose,” Dave started. “You know you couldn’t. Isn't that what you’ve always fuckin told me, that you can see the future but not change it? There’s no point in beating yourself up over Kanaya if you couldn't have– ”

“Okay, I know, Dave, for god’s sake!” Rose burst out, shutting Dave up. “I know I couldn’t have.” She took a deep breath, regained herself. “But it isn’t such an unreasonable thing. To want to protect her. Even when I know I can’t.”

There was quiet again. The Dolorosa had gone out of the room, leaving the two of them alone with a bunch of sleeping forms and sunlight.

“Dave, I’m going to confess to her. Once she wakes up.”

“…Wait, seriously?”

Rose had never looked like she was joking less. “I’d do it right this second, but…” She laid a tender hand on Kanaya’s forehead.

“After all this time? And all that effort waxing poetic about ‘courtship’ and the ‘proper order of things’ – ”

Rose laughed unhappily when he threw her old words back at her. “Yes,” she agreed bitterly, “And if yesterday had gone differently, it would’ve all been for nothing. I could’ve lost her, without even getting the chance to ask. I can’t even imagine what that regret would feel like, if the last time I had spoken to her had been to just argue and dance around the point and never tell her the truth. That’s why. I refuse to waste another second.”

 

Watching the two girls together, and seeing the expression on his sister’s face, Dave felt something odd rise up within him. He suddenly felt like he was intruding in a big way.

 

He got up. “Okay. Well. Good luck with that. I’ll bring you up something to eat later so you don’t collapse.” The Dolorosa re-entered the room, smiling at them both, as he was about to leave. “Oh, and, hey, before I go – where’s Karkat?”

The Dolorosa blinked at him, then pointed her pencil to the other doorway. “He’s through in the next room. The Disciple is watching over him for now.”

Dave stared at the door which led through to the rest room. “Why’s that?”

“You’ll see.” She returned to her desk, unaware that she had just made Dave’s heart drop into his stomach.

 

 

When Dave opened the door, Karkat was sitting up against the headboard. There was a clean gauze on his forehead, partially covered by his mass of unbrushed hair, and he was yelling and struggling while the Disciple tried to keep him in bed.

“Let me the fuck up, I’m the dictionary definition of fine!” he shouted, nearly knocking over a bottle of painkillers sitting on the bedside table with his flailing.  

“Karkat, you have to stay and get some rest – ”

“I got like ten whole hours of sleep, I’ve literally never felt more well-rested in my _life_ – ”

They noticed Dave standing in the doorway, paralyzed by a wave of something that had come over him upon seeing Karkat awake and healthy.

“Oh, Dave,” the Disciple said, her face creasing into relief, “Will you _please_ get over here and tell your friend that it’s not a good idea to be moving about with a head injury.”

Instead of doing that, Dave silently shut the door, muffling their shouts of confusion.

 

 

“Dave, those beds are for the patients, now.” The Dolorosa said as he collapsed back onto the messy sheets he had slept in, feeling suddenly boneless. _What the fuck. What the fuck._

He covered his eyes with his arm. “Nurse Dolorosa, I think I’m sick.”


	12. Chapter 12

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] posted on group discussion titled "ship: GOTH MOMS" on board SKAIANET.

TG: oh my god you guys its happening!!! its actually happening!  
twinArmageddons [TA] responded to discussion.  
TA: oh thank fuck, fiinally 2ome good new2 around here.  
TA: god know2 we could 2ure do wiith iit after comiing clo2e two death no more than niine day2 ago  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] responded to discussion.  
CC: Wait, w)(at? W)(ats )(appening??  
TA: For god’2 2ake FF keep up. You’re embarra22iing u2 both.  
TA: <3  
CC: Well sorry! T)(ese t)(reads get SUP------ER BUSY at times and I can’t even remember what )(alf of t)(em are about, to be   
)(onest!  
arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to discussion.  
AC: :33 < *ac enters this thread with a knowing grin on her face*  
AC: :33 < *she does the kitty thing where she kneads the blanket with her paws and spins around a couple times before settling herself down and delivering her very important message:*  
AC: :33 < word on the str33t says… this afternoon… in the flower garden…  
AC: :33 < the two purrtiest girls in the school are finally going to stop their coy flirting  
AC: :33 < and then they will become…  
AC: :33 < propurr girlfurriends!  
CC: O)( no WAY! 38D  
arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to discussion.  
AG: Oh, so it looks like fussypants is finally going to get that fairytale romance she always wanted? Good for her! ::::)  
AG: NOT.  
AG: 8leh. What a gross load of sappy 8ullshit those two constantly pull.  
TA: 8itter much?  
AG: Go choke on your ethernet ca8le, nerd!!!!!!!!  
TG: no fighting allowned!!!  
TG: not on this…  
TG: the day of ULTIMNATE celebration  
TG: where i am going to nab myslef a stylish new daughter in law  
TG: like  
TG: hellz  
TG: to the  
TG: yes  
TA: …  
AG: Excuse me, what? Daughter in law?  
TG: uh  
TG: oops  
AC: :33 < big mews, everyone! the eagle has landed!  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to discussion.  
CG: THE WHAT HAS WHAT???  
TG: karkat!!!!!!  
TG: so you WERE lurking in the thread  
TG: i knew it  
TG: ;)  
CG: YEAH, YEAH, EVERYONE IN THIS SCHOOL HAS ALREADY LONG SINCE HAD THEIR YUKS OVER THE FACT THAT I’M A HOPELESS FUCKING ROMANTIC.  
CG: NOW NEPETA WILL YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IN THE REALM OF ALL EARTHLY FUCKS ‘THE EAGLE HAS LANDED’ IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN, I’M HONESTLY CURIOUS.  
AC: :33 < it means rose is in the flower garden!  
AC: :33 < shes over by the fountain  
CG: ARE YOU… SPYING ON HER?  
TG: THEYRE DOING IT MAN  
TG: THEYRE MAKING THIS HAPEN

tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  retitled group discussion “GOTH MOMS CONIFMRED”.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  retitled group discussion “*CONFIRMED LOL”.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  retitled group discussion “ALL INTERESTED PARTIES RELOCATE TO THE FLOWER GARDEN NOW”.

 

 

“It _is_ rather lovely out today,” Kanaya agreed, looking over the flowers as Rose wheeled her around the gardens in a chair loaned from the Dolorosa. “Or perhaps it just seems that way because I haven’t been allowed outside in so long.”

 

The sky was huge and white and cold above the tiny figures of the two girls as they moved through Scratch’s ostentatious hedge maze, leaving one pair of footprints and one set of wheel-tracks in their wake. The night after Kanaya had woken up in the medical bay with Rose by her side, it had snowed, leaving their little corner of the green moon blanketed. And the snow had stuck around ever since.

“The moon does look nicer like this,” Rose agreed, her mind elsewhere. “Wiped clean.”

She frowned at a robin which landed on a branch next to them, briskly shooing it away. Recently, as if to mock them, the number of birds inhabiting the green moon had been growing.

 

Unaware of Rose’s troubled thoughts, Kanaya looked around. Her face was still drawn and sickly, but the cold had returned the flush to her cheeks. From where she was pushing the wheelchair, Rose looked at her features in profile – long curving nose and eyelashes nearly catching snowflakes – and felt an ache deep in her chest.

As if sensing this, Kanaya tilted her head backwards a little, and slowly added - as if worried in anticipation of Rose’s impending reaction - “And… it is good to be talking again.”

 

Rose abruptly stopped walking.

The two of them had finally reached the center of the maze. Like most of Scratch’s tastes, it was pretty baroque – there was a metal bench shaped like some mythical beast and a Greek-style folly and a stone fountain with a surface that had frozen over a bunch of unmoving koi fish.

“Here, do you want to sit?” Rose asked into their shared silence, throat dry. “I’ll help you.”

Kanaya blinked as the other girl started to brush snow off the bench. “Oh. Okay.” She allowed herself to be transferred from the wheelchair, determined not to get flustered at Rose’s careful hands. Once she was sitting comfortably, Rose perched herself opposite, on the edge of the fountain, legs delicately crossed one over the other.

Cheeks red, Kanaya lowered her gaze. Rose looked more gorgeous than ever today. Even though it was cold out, she was dressed remarkably fashionably – a purple velvet coat over a long white formal dress. And her headband matched. And her earrings. They were cute little dangly suns.

 

 _It’s almost as if she’s particularly dressed up,_ Kanaya thought numbly. … _What’s the occasion, I wonder?_

Rose opened her mouth and began to speak, tone low and serious. “I need to apologize for the way things have been recently.”

“…Oh. Are you referring to the alcohol business?”

Rose flinched at that, so Kanaya added, “Sorry, I was not trying to rub it in, it’s just that there have been a lot of ‘things’ going on recently and very few of them good.” She had presumed Rose was going to brush her comment about their argument off, and had been ready to accept that with just a little disappointment, so it was a relief to see that the other girl had just been taking time to prepare herself.

Rose sighed. “That’s fair. Well, yes. The ‘alcohol business’ _was_ what was being referred to this time. Not any of the other assorted recent disasters.” She tilted her head, strands of straight hair falling from behind one perfect ear, and joined their gazes. “I’m sorry, Kanaya. You were only acting with my best interests in mind when you tried to intervene, I see that now. And I promise I’m trying my best to never let it get that away again.”

“Yes, Dave told me as much.” Kanaya paused, deliberating. “…Have you, um. Stopped? Successfully?”

“Yes. Completely. I’ve been sober for over a week now.”

Kanaya breathed out, like a weight had been lifted off her. Then a frown stole over her face, briefly. “…And what about the visions?”

With an odd, troubled little smile, Rose brushed a hand through her pale hair to neaten it. “Would you believe me if I said they’ve gone away recently?” she said, mouth tight. “The really bad ones, at least – the green ones. In fact, it’s definitely not too much of a stretch to say that Scratch’s presence has some sort of influencing factor on my Sight, and it’s probably his recent total disappearance that has led to the decrease in – ” With a small noise she caught herself, shook her head. “…No, but now’s not the time for that. You’re still healing, you don’t need to be bothering with my conspiracy theories right now.”

“I’m almost fully healed,” Kanaya argued. “The Dolorosa is a miracle worker.” She paused. “Actually, she has not been looking too good herself, recently, don’t you think? She looks… older, somehow.”

Rose shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t been looking at her, really. I’ve been… well, I’ve been preoccupied. Looking at someone else.”

Refusing to let Kanaya drop her gaze away in embarrassment, Rose reached out and took both of Kanaya’s hands between her own. Together, they were warm.

 

“It was awful to watch you lying there,” Rose went on, in a tone that suggested she was building up to something. Her voice was completely free of her usual highbrow restraint. There was something scary about it. “I was completely powerless. How are you feeling right now?”

Considering that, Kanaya shifted in her seat, not letting go of Rose’s hands. The new skin at her middle pulled taut, but she suppressed her instinctual wince. _Rose has worried enough for the both of us._ “Better. It was rather a shock to have my organs forcibly rearranged twice in the space of 24 hours, but. I’m over it.”

“Better… that’s good.” Rose cleared her throat, the tip of her nose bright red from cold. “…Would you say you feel well enough for a surprise?”

“A… what?” Kanaya asked, even though she had heard perfectly well.

Now Rose was the one not meeting Kanaya’s eyes. She pulled away, agitatedly rubbed a hand over her face. “Well, it might not be a surprise, but then again, it might be. I suppose there was no point in my asking that question since you very well can’t consent to receiving the surprise until you’ve heard what I’m about to say. How childish of me. Hah.”

It struck Kanaya that, though Rose’s speech was typically graceful, she somewhat resembled Dave when her mouth nervously ran away from her. _When did I learn to be able to tell when she is nervous? I don’t remember._

“Rose?” she said. Rose looked up, face pinker than usual. “What is it?”

The other girl took a deep breath, then stood up. Then kneeled down in front of Kanaya.

 

 _What the fuck,_ was all Kanaya could think as Rose reached a hand up and touched the side of her face. Her eyes flicked down to where the hem of her white dress was getting damp from the snow. She wasn’t quite on one knee, but.

Rose was talking. “When I was trying to drag you out of that bathroom, when I thought you might not make it… well, honestly, I’ve never been so afraid, and it made me realize something.” She paused, collecting something – _bravery? She’s got that in spades –_ and then steeled herself and met Kanaya’s eyes. “I don’t ever want to live in a version of this world where I lost you before getting the chance to ask… if you would do me the honour of being my girlfriend.”

Kanaya’s face was tingling. The other girl’s bright pink eyes were so intense that she couldn’t look away. “Rose, I… I don’t know what to say.” _Wait, yes I do, why did I say that._

“Say yes,” Rose suggested, serious. “Please.” Her voice cracked on that last word. Kanaya’s heart leaped a hurdle and then tripped over itself.

“That does seem like… a reasonable answer…” She took a breath in, ignoring how it was deliriously shaky. “Okay then.”

“Okay then?” Upon hearing that, Rose looked like she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Yes.” Kanaya looked up at the big blank sky, then back down at Rose. “I mean. Why not.”

 

Anything might have happened after that, but what actually happened was no less than six people bursting out from where they had been hiding behind the folly and swamping the two girls with congratulations. Among them, Roxy was already in noisy, enthusiastic tears.

“I knew it, I knew it would happen eventually,” she sobbed, arms slung around the uncomfortable pair of them. “I knew it so hard that I bet fifty dollars and my Cheeto stash on it! Now _please_ promise me you’ll wait until June to have the wedding because it is so fuckin cold out here right now.”

 

It took them all twenty minutes to get back inside because it turned out nobody had bothered to remember the way out of the maze, and by the time Kanaya was deposited in front of the fire in the common room she could no longer feel her fingers.

But she didn’t fucking care, not even _slightly_.

 

 

That was the last excitement of the year. 

Term ended without another reappearance from Scratch.

“Ain’t nobody know where he’s run off to, an his head bitch up and disappeared along with him, so we don’t know where she is neither,” the Condesce announced in the final school assembly. She had appointed herself temporary headmistresses in the interim. “But believe me, one way or another he’ll have hell ta pay over what happened.”

An angry murmur went up in the auditorium, and Ms Paint started to frantically wave her hands from her spot beside the podium until the Condesce irritably handed a microphone down to let her speak.

“Your safety has always been our priority,” she began in a small voice, “and I’m sure that we can assume Doc Scratch’s disappearance means he must be off doing some important research to find out what went wrong on that recent school trip. He wants to protect you! You’re like his children.” She wilted, round face downcast. “I’m so very sorry, everybody. Even if I didn’t mean to, I put you all in danger. It’s nobody’s fault but mine. And home is the safest place for you to be right now.”

 

 

Last-minute arrangements were made, suitcases rolled out, Dave received an uncomfortably wet goodbye kiss from Terezi, and the four buses peeled away from the courtyard early the next morning. Luckily, this time, Ms Paint had thought to ply the still-bandaged up Karkat with Dramamine and sit him near the front with Slick, where he didn’t cause any trouble. Dave spent the whole journey back to Earth playing cards with John and Jade, trying and failing to not look in his direction.

Slick rolled his eyes as each one of them said their farewells to him as they tramped down the steps off the bus (“Save it for the poetry books, I’ll be seeing you again sooner than I’d like”), and once they were all out he unrepentantly reversed into a cab that had boxed him in and took off down the one-way system in the wrong direction. At least he had bothered to take them as far as JFK airport this time.

 

Dave checked his ticket. His flight didn’t take off for another ten hours.

The sound of scrolling wheels alerted him to the fact that one member of the huddled group of students was shuffling their way towards him. He just hoped it wasn’t Karkat. He wouldn’t know what to say.

He looked up. Karkat was in front of him, standing gripping his suitcase handle, chewing his lip. _For fuck’s sake._

“Miami-bound?” he asked when Karkat didn’t say anything. “I’ll see you around I guess.”

“Nah.” Karkat shrugged his shoulder towards Gamzee, who was standing at some distance, scaring tourists with his bright hair. “I’m staying with him this vacation. In Key West.”

“Oh.” Even though he knew Karkat would probably give him an answer, Dave didn’t ask why. His eyes strayed to the clean gauze on the other boy’s forehead.

 

Karkat must’ve noticed the look, because he irritably reached up and ripped the gauze off, stuffing it into his hoodie pocket. Underneath, the wound was healing shiny and pink, and he shook his fringe out so that it was almost completely covered by hair.

“I just wanted to say thanks,” Karkat said stiffly, before Dave could make a comment on how stupid it was to suddenly rip the dressing off like that, “I know it’s belated as fuck, but for some reason I haven’t gotten the chance to until now. I haven’t seen you around much.”

“I’ve been busy.” Dave swallowed, trying to stop his mouth from going dry. It was a lie, one that he knew it was pointless to tell because Karkat could probably feel his guilt from a million miles away. “And thanks for what?”

Karkat looked at him like he was an idiot. _Y’know. I probably am, actually._ “For dragging my useless corpse to safety back in the museum. Obviously.”

 _Oh. Right._ Dave looked away. “Nah, it was nothing. I’d rather not think about what happened, to be honest.”

“What? Why not?”

Avoidant, he turned and started to scan the departure boards with his eyes, even though he knew full well his flight wouldn’t be up there for a long time. “Well. You know,” he mumbled. “I was supposed to protect people, and I majorly fucked up, that’s all.”

“ _You_ fucked up!?” Karkat sputtered from next to him. “I ran around like a headless chicken and then got knocked out! And not even knocked out by the things that were attacking us! By fucking Feferi!”

Dave frowned, rubbing his arm absentmindedly. “But that’s different, you’re not…”

 _Oops._ That had been a bad sentence start, even if he had possessed the sense not to finish it. Karkat’s frown deepened, and Dave could feel the bubble of his impending anger.

“Not what, Dave?” he snapped, throwing a hand out. “What am I not, that you are? A saviour? Physically fit? Pretentious? Determined to try and bear the weight of the world on my shoulders? Tell me, ‘cause I want to know.” When Dave had no response to that, he sighed in irritation. “Jesus Christ, I was giving you a compliment, you could just say ‘thanks Karkat’ and that could be the end of it.”

“Thanks Karkat.”

At that, Karkat smiled sardonically, showing sharp teeth. “You’re welcome, Dave.”

“No, really,” Dave said. “Thanks.”

There was a pause in which Karkat looked at him strangely, sizing him up. Probably because he could feel that last part had been pretty genuine.

 

 _Aw fuck._ Suddenly panicking, Dave hoped that Karkat couldn’t feel the rush of warmth that had just spread through him. He went to defensively shove his hands in his pockets.

 

 – and then, suddenly, he couldn’t, because Karkat had stomped forward and was hugging him.

 

 

...

“Whoa. What’s this.” His mouth said that before his brain caught up. _It’s a hug, asshole._

“It’s a hug, asshole,” Karkat spat out, as if he had read his mind. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had one before?”

Usually that would’ve been the cue for Dave to say some stupid shit – _are you kidding me, bro, I’m the hugmeister, part of the Food and Hug Administration, just call me HUGsy Malone all up in here, in fact I’ve curled up all nice and close with the girl of your preteen dreams to watch old episodes of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives more times than I can count –_ but for some reason it all died in his throat and he just ended up making a terrible choking noise instead, and that caused Karkat to quickly pull away.

 

They stood opposite each other. Dave’s face was prickling. He felt like every part of him that had come into contact with Karkat’s stiff body during that hug was now burning up, and the only small comfort was that Karkat looked like he was experiencing the exact same phenomenon. “That was awkward. Man. I wish you hadn’t done that.”

Karkat groaned. “Well guess what, dickcheese, me fucking too!”

 

“Did I spy a farewell hugfest over here?”

 

Initial gratefulness at an escape route quickly turning to horror, they both turned to see Jade running towards them, brimming with barely-contained excitement. “John, come quick!”

“Jade, no – ” Was all Dave had time to say before he was unwillingly made part of the most aggressive group hug of his life.

_Fuck, Jade, I know you wrestle bears in your spare time, but –_

“Aw, nice!” John was there too now, unfazed by Karkat’s hand on his face, unsubtly trying to shove him away. “Bring it in, everyone!”

“Equius, if you get even one step closer, I swear to God I’ll do something I’ll regret,” Karkat warned over John’s shoulder. The enormous boy was hovering on the periphery, looking on with simultaneous disgust and longing.

“Rose, get in on this action!” John exclaimed from the middle of the pile of writhing limbs.

“I’ll pass,” Rose assured him, but then she met Dave’s eyes and smirked and he wanted to curl up in a hole and die when she deliberately mouthed, _I saw that._

Everyone seeped away and boarded their flights until Dave was the last one left in the airport, lounging half-asleep on one of the metal chairs outside the Starbucks with his earbuds in. When he was finally dumped out front of his apartment block via taxi, the sun was just about coming up. And when he entered the flat, he breathed a silent sigh of relief to find it completely vacant.

 

 

Days went by, restlessly empty. The only times Dave left the apartment were to hike down to the local convenience store to pick up a bunch of microwaveable meals, only to quickly remember that the microwave had been broken by one of Bro’s puppet stunts and buy a bunch of Doritos instead. He spent most evenings alone, spread-eagled on the couch, swearing at the screen through mouthfuls of Chinese takeout whenever _Mad Snacks Yo_ would glitch out and cause his skater to wildly oscillate while stuck in a ramp.

A week passed. No sign of Bro.

 

turntechGodhead [TG]  began chatting with  tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: hows it hanging sis  
TG: having a whole bunch of wintertime fun sitting around in scarves and tasteful knitwear with our hot mom i bet  
TG: wait fuck  
TG: actually you know what never mind i refuse to take it back because its true and we both know it  
TG: look at me over here  
TG: maturing when it comes to dealing with my feelings and shit  
TG: even the oedipal ones  
TT: I’m quite alright, Dave.  
TT: And you?  
TG: peachy keen  
TG: just  
TG: yknow  
TG: living laughing loving  
TG: as usual  
TT: No sign of Bro yet?  
TG: no  
TT: Well, better that than the alternative.  
TT: Anyway, I’m almost hesitant to ask, but why the sudden ‘u up’ message at the ungodly hour of 3am?  
TG: you know i could just turn that question right back on you right  
TG: actually you know what i think i will  
TG: Anyway, I’m almost hesitant to ask, but why the sudden ‘u up’ message at the ungodly hour of 3am?  
TT: Time zones.  
TT: Also, ha ha.  
TG: come the fuck on youre in new york  
TG: its like one hour ahead  
TG: which means youre up at an even worse time than me  
TG: like what are you doing one of your 4am wikipedia binges again youre gonna strain your eyes one of these fucking days you know  
TT: I stayed up to talk to Kanaya, who, it seems, is the only one of us who is ever awake at an appropriate time.  
TT: What’s your excuse?  
TG: funnily enough i WAS sleeping up until a few minutes ago actually  
TG: but now im  
TG: well  
TG: i woke up  
TT: Nightmare?  
TG: yeah  
TT: Do you remember any of it?  
TG: not really  
TG: it was all sort of generic scary shit  
TG: but  
TG: GREEN  
TG: like super fucking green  
TG: as usual  
TG: and also this kind of sounds stupid now im lucid but im pretty sure creepy clowns were involved in some sort of capacity  
TT: Fuck.  
TG: what  
TG: wait you havent been having the same dream have you  
TT: And Kanaya.  
TT: And Aradia, and Sollux.  
TG: fuck  
TT: I'm serious, this has ‘bad omen’ written all over it.  
TT: I'm used to having these sorts of dreams. But if they're spreading to everyone else, well.  
TT: I don't know what that portends.  
TG: can you see ANYTHING thats going to happen once we go back to scratchs place??  
TG: any kind of ill tidings at all in our futures???  
TG: that would be helpful  
TT: No, I’ve told you before, my visions become completely blurred where that place is concerned. And they’re already vague to begin with.  
TT: The ones that do slip through the net…  
TT: Well. Somehow I’ve always felt like they’re ones that Scratch… allows me. Like he has the ability to block anything from entering my mind if he wishes.  
TT: Really I’m starting to feel like he might have control over all of our powers.  
TT: Yours too.  
TT: Remember how the birds that attacked us at the museum could move even if you froze time? It would make sense if he sent them.  
TT: And he did create us, after all. Through some nefarious biological means. We established that much.  
TT: The only question that idea would raise is: why?  
TT: Why would he bother with any of this at all?  
TT: …Dave?  
TT: Are you still there?  
TG: yeah.  
TG: im currently kind of freaked the hell out if im being honest with you  
TG: i dont think being stuck in this apartment is doing anything for my mental state either  
TG: its too quiet here  
TT: I do understand the sentiment, funnily enough.  
TG: yeah  
TG: nothing was ever quiet at scratchs like if i wasnt listening to john tell stupidass jokes he definitely got from a cracker then for sure karkat would be there yelling my ear off about some dumb unimportant shit  
TG: rose seriously you know im going nuts over here when im even starting to miss karkats rants  
TG: the constant silence just makes me think bro is going to jump out from a cabinet and mash me into a pulp and its even worse to know that thats not even unlikely with him  
TG: not to mention his stupid fucking webcams  
TG: literally everywhere  
TG: so unnerving  
TG: i break every single one i can sniff out which probably isnt even the half of them and also i swear to god every time i come back from the corner store theyve been repaired  
TG: why is he such a ninja  
TT: …  
TG: dont ellipsis come on  
TT: I’ll use whatever punctuation I please.  
TT: I’m worried.  
TT: Frankly, I was worried before, but I’m even more worried now.  
TG: im worried too  
TT: I’d invite you to come stay with us without hesitation, but mother has been acting strange, too, recently.  
TT: She hardly comes down from her observatory on her best days.  
TT: It has been getting increasingly difficult to find anything edible, especially considering the lack of stores within walking distance of my house. A cooked meal is only a distant dream.  
TT: I’m afraid that if you came over now we might both starve.  
TG: thats fine  
TG: thanks for the offer anyway  
TG: i mean its all good over here to be honest  
TG: like nothing has actually happened  
TG: and if bro continues to not show his elusive face then thats fine by me in fact its better than fine because it means i can live to fight another day  
TG: im just being a little bitch because i had a scary clown dream  
TT: You’re not being a little bitch.  
TG: if you say so  
TG: anyway  
TG: gtg  
TT: No you don’t.  
TG: yeah but like you said youre talking to kanaya and youll probably be needing your full attention for that  
TG: casanova  
TT: …  
TG: wink  
TT: …  
TG: laters

turntechGodhead [TG]  ceased chatting with  tentacleTherapist [TT]

 

Once he had closed the chat window, Dave decided to head for the kitchen to scour for any snacks himself. There wasn’t much else to do at home but play videogames and eat. Without Bro there to spar with, it was kind of a cushy lifestyle.

_Maybe I should get a part-time job. It’s not like I need the money or anything since Bro’s online puppet business rakes in insane dough, but at least I wouldn’t be so fucking bored all the time._

After retrieving a bag of bread and some cheese strategically hidden under a cinderblock pile, he agitatedly swiped a whole bunch of shuriken off the kitchen counter. As usual, there was no sensible cutlery of any sort in sight, so Dave grabbed a throwing knife that was embedded in a smuppet’s ass and then headed over to the refrigerator.

 

As soon as he opened the door he realized his mistake. _Bang._

Cal’s laughing face leered down at him, suspended from the interior, and he jumped back about five feet in fright.

 

The puppet hung there, staring at him, swaying slightly on its strings. There was a whirring mechanical noise, and then something fell out of the ice dispenser.

A piece of paper.

 

Rise and shine, Dave.

Time for a refresher course.

 

He leapt backwards, dropping the note, and grabbed a katana from a pile on the counter as something flew behind him at an immense speed. Everything happened so fast that he couldn’t even focus enough to properly use his powers to protect himself.

As he backed up against the wall, sword in hand, his only thought was, w _hy did I let my guard down, why did I let my guard down, why did I let my FUCKING guard down what kind of an idiot am I._

 

Then Bro appeared in front of him, and he didn’t remember anything else.

 

 

 

When Dave came to some hours later he raised his head from his folded arms and found that he was in the Denny’s down the street, with no memory but a good general idea of how he ended up there. There was a packed suitcase next to him, and the sun was coming up outside, and every part of his body hurt. The waitress was giving him some worried looks. The remains of a gnarly nosebleed were crusted on the table, and he could feel it all over his lower face, too.

His phone was lying face-down next to the ketchup bottle. He picked it up – _ah, damn, managed to smash up the whole screen again, fucking Steve Jobs –_ and, mind still on autopilot, started typing with shaky thumbs.

 

turntechGodhead [TG] opened thread titled "SOS" on board SKAIANET .

TG: hey  
TG: last minute requesst i know  
TG: but has anyone got anywhere i could shack up for a bit  
TG: preferably someone on this continent  
TG: cant go home rght now  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to thread.  
CG: ARE YOU DRUNK?  
TG: no the opposite  
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to thread.  
TT: Dave, oh my god.  
TT: Please tell me that what I think has happened hasn’t happened.  
TG: you were right rose  
TG: hurricane bro swept right through this lil shanty town  
TG: blew me the fuck away  
adiosToreador [AT] responded to thread.  
AT: wHAT IS THIS,  
AT: i’M CONCERNED FOR YOU, dAVE,  
AT: bUT, mOSTLY,  
AT: i JUST DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON,  
AT: lIKE, uHH,, fOR INSTANCE,  
AT: wHO IS THIS BRO, yOU SPEAK OF,  
TG: its short for brother  
AT: i KNOW THAT MUCH,  
gardenGnostic [GG] responded to thread.  
GG: ohhh noooooo dave this is terrible!!!  
GG: send me your location on google maps, i am coming to get you right away!  
AT: wAIT, iS SOMETHING,, aCTUALLY SERIOUSLY WRONG,, fOR REAL,  
AT: tHIS ISN’T JUST ANOTHER INSTANCE OF DAVE EXHIBITING,  
AT: “tHE IRONIES”,  
GG: yes tavros something is very wrong!!! but not for long because i am  
GG: on  
GG: my  
GG: way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
TT: Jade, I share your concern, but I really don’t think that’s a good idea.  
TT: You’ve never used your powers to such an extent, and the last thing we need is two injured classmates on our hands. Or, more specifically, one who has managed to obliterate herself by accidentally teleporting to the farthest corner of the universe.  
TG: yeah  
TG: i second that lilac word dump  
TG: i think  
TT: So how bad are your injuries? Can you walk?  
TG: probably  
TG: havent tried it  
TG: i assume i walked to the dennys wehre i am currently licking my wounds but who is to say rose  
TG: who is to say  
AT: wAIT YOU ARE HURT,,  
TG: yes  
AT: oHH, mAN,,,,  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK? YOUR GUARDIAN BEATS YOU UP???  
AT: kARKAT I HAD,  
AT: pAUSED IN MY TYPING BECAUSE I WAS,  
AT: tRYING TO THINK OF A MORE DELICATE WAY, tO PUT IT,  
CG: FUCK DELICACY, THIS GUY IS LIVING WITH AN ASSHOLE WHO DELIBERATELY KNOCKS AROUND A KID!  
TG: its a little more complicated than that  
TT: It’s really not.  
AT: tHAT IS,,  
AT: i’M REALLY SORRY, DAVE,  
AT: i NEVER KNEW,  
TG: look youve got the wrong end of the stick im telling you  
TG: it was my fault  
TG: i usually never wouldve let him get me up against the wall like that im pretty good with a sword  
TG: probably took him by surprsise that i had become so shitty at sparring after holding off practice for so long  
TG: and the dude just doesnt know the meaning of the words ‘go easy’  
TG: thats the strider way you cant blame him for that  
TT: This is bullshit.  
TG: okay fine its bullshit whatever  
TG: just  
TG: does anyone have a couch i can crash on  
TG: because that would be real helpful right about now  
ectoBiologist [EB] responded to thread.  
EB: dave!  
EB: holy shit. good thing i didn’t turn my phone off last night!  
EB: get your butt on the next flight to washington, i will take care of the rest.  
EB: there is always a dave shaped space on the egbert couch during dire times and you know it!  
TG: egbro pulls through  
TG: thanks dude  
TG: i hate to say it but i owe you one  
EB: i will get every nicholas cage movie lined up for when you arrive!  
EB: and also probably some medical supplies.  
TT: I wonder if the adoption agency knew about Bro’s tendencies when they gave you over to him. They certainly should do, at any rate.  
TT: Have you talked to them yet?  
TG: well problem solved  
TG: good work guys  
TG: lets hit the showers  
TG: like actually literally im gonna head to the commode to clean up my grody fucking face im scaring babies over here  
TT: Dave, don’t you dare close this thread now. There is a conversation that needs to be had.  
CG: I’M GOING TO SECOND THE LILAC WORD DUMP ON THIS ONE.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, DAVE?  
TG: sorry the shops closed for the night  
TG: everybody out  


turntechGodhead [TG] locked thread “SOS”.

 

When Dave arrived at the airport, he emerged from customs to find John standing there beside his pipe-smoking dad, holding a crudely-made sign that read ‘DUMB BUTT’.

He managed to stave off passing out again until he was in the backseat of the ford fiesta, halfway to John’s house.

 

 

 

There was such an aggressive knock at the front door of the Egbert abode that John was sent running through the house to answer it even though he had been halfway through his daily pyjama rewatch of _Con Air._

When he opened it, he looked down. “Karkat!”

 

The boy on the doorstep looked even more terrible than usual. He was wearing a puffer jacket zipped up to under his nose and there were angry purplish smears under his eyes. The only luggage he had with him was a small backpack.

“What are you doing here!” John asked chirpily. “Wait, don’t tell me you flew all the way across the country just to see Dave? That is so nice.”

“So sue me for having a beating fucking heart!” Karkat snapped, eyes darting around. “I’ve been worried sick. He shut the thread and hasn’t been replying to any of my messages. I even tried contacting him through the comment sections of those dumbass webcomics he runs. But I got jack shit in the way of any kind of response, and therefore, here I am.”

“His phone broke. Dad’s taking him to get a new one tomorrow,” John said. “You should have just texted me! I would’ve given you Dave updates anytime you wanted.”

Karkat looked a bit embarrassed. “Yeah, well, I didn’t think of that.”

Stepping back to let Karkat out of the cold, John scanned the street outside, puzzled. “How did you know where I live?”

“Jade gave me your address.” Karkat held a hand up as John opened his mouth. “Before you say anything, I see now that there are a lot of things I could’ve done that would’ve definitely been more sensible that flying to your house without giving you any warning that I was going to show up, but in my defence, my past self was panicking and he can be kind of an idiot when he’s panicking.”

Smiling, John considered that for a second, then said, “Karkat you are a pretty funny guy!”

 

Before Karkat had a chance to get himself riled over that comment, John pointed him through the house, in the direction of the stairs.  “Dave is up in my bedroom right now, he was sleeping last time I checked. Nanna has been looking after him.”

Just as Karkat was about to blaze a trail up there, John grabbed onto his arm, suddenly excited. “Oh, now that you’re here, you know what that means!?” He paused dramatically, waiting for Karkat to humor him, but when he got no such response, he went on, “We can have a boys’ night in!!! Oh man, I am so excited. I’ll go get the VCR ready.”

 

 

When Karkat arrived in the doorway of John’s room, he found Dave lying on the ghost-patterned bedsheets, sunglasses off and eyes shut. Evidently, he hadn’t bothered to draw the blinds, and the sun was coming in through the window to light up his profile and the sides of his mussed hair in silver.

 

Dave must have heard him come up the stairs, because he flung an arm over his face and started grumbling. “John, for the last time, I’m one hundred percent sure I don’t want to watch _Con Air_ with you. Just because you want to get down and dirty on Nicholas Cage’s greasy dick doesn’t mean I harbor the same – ”

“It’s me, you idiot.”

Dave’s eyes snapped open. _Bright red,_ Karkat thought, never not taken off guard by that.

“…Karkat?” he said, brows creasing together as he sat up. “When did you…?”

He couldn’t help it – Karkat’s eyes strayed down Dave’s body. His elbows and knees were patched up, and one calf sported a truly impressive sword-gash, on show courtesy of a pair of cargo shorts probably on loan from Egbert. Most notable of all was the glorious indigo bruising framing Dave’s left eye, visibly mottled a sickly yellow-brown at the edges.

“Just now,” Karkat replied, feeling queasy. “Fuck me, that’s quite the shiner you’re sporting there.”

“It’s nice, isn’t it,” Dave said, a small sarcastic smile on his shadeless face. Despite his white-blonde hair, his eyebrows were heavy and black, and his eyelashes were long. “Looks good on me.”

 _Anything would look good on you and you know it,_ Karkat thought bitterly. “I can’t believe your brother beats you up,” he said, instead of voicing that controversial opinion. “What an absolute shitheap.”

“He doesn’t,” Dave said, instantly on the defensive at the mention of his Bro. “He’s training me.”

“Can you say no to his training sessions?” Karkat asked dryly.

“Uh.”

The uncomfortable look on Dave’s face robbed either of them of the need to say anything more. Judging by that response, it looked like the last few days had forced Dave to dredge up a whole bunch of shit regarding his brother.

_Poor guy. I bet Rose was merciless once she got a hold of him. I guess it would be best for me to leave off for now._

 

Shedding his jacket, Karkat crossed the room to sit on the bed beside Dave.

Instantly, to his alarm, Dave’s eyes widened and one hand shot out and grabbed onto Karkat’s bicep with a desperate grip.

 

He froze. _What. Why am I getting grabbed._

“Oh. Oh!” Dave’s grip tightened, despite Karkat’s obvious tension. “I can feel it.”

“Feel what?” Karkat said, on the verge of having a freakout.

“You,” Dave said, then instantly caught himself. “I mean, uh. That you’re worried. About me.”

 _Out of my fucking mind._ “Oh, yeah, sorry, it must be pretty strong,” Karkat made to get up. “I can go stand over there again if it’s bothering you – ”

Dave didn’t loosen his hold. “No!” He cleared his throat, embarrassed, after that came out a little too loud. “No. It’s okay.”

The two of them sat there, uncharacteristically silent.

 

There was a little mysterious smile on Dave's face - who knew what he was thinking about as he sat there, quietly staring at the wall opposite? Certainly not Karkat, who was just busy trying to restrain his disbelief at the current situation. 

_So. He’s gotten over finding out about my ability, and I’ve forgiven him for Terezi, and even though his coolkid personality still pisses me off a hell of a lot it’s not like he pisses me off any more than any other person in my life._

_So what, are Dave Strider and I, like, friends now?_

 

_…This is the worst time for me to realize that we’ve probably been friends for a while. Especially since I’m the first asshole that came running when he got hurt. Well, second, after Egbert. Shit._

_This is bad news, because not too long ago I thought he was the most reprehensible Terezi-stealing irony-spouting unfeeling dickbag in the northern hemisphere, which temporarily allowed me to overlook the fact that I also think he’s really fucking hot. Oh, for christ's sake, why do I have to have such shit taste? Sunglasses aren’t even remotely sexy, but every motherfucker I ever got a huge disgusting crush on sported a pair, and, having said that, I’ll never be over Will Smith in Men in Black, never –_

_Fuck me, I cannot be friends with Dave Strider. I’ve always been terrible at trying to deal with being around people I find attractive - just look at how things turned out with Terezi! It’s partly because of the whole empath business, but mostly just because I’m a huge wreck with a tendency to pine after people I’ll never get. And surprise surprise, he's DATING Terezi. He is the DEFINITION of painfully unavailable, so get it out of your head -_

 

 _Karkat Vantas, you top the Richter scale of emotional disasters, and you are damn bad at guarding your heart, and fuck, if Dave decides to start being even less of a douchebag, which seems to be the trend he’s intending to follow right now, then you might be really seriously screwed..._

_Okay, let’s try not to broadcast that train of thought, if at all possible. I can feel that Dave is in complicated-ass mood over there as it is._

_Let’s just call it a truce. For now._

 

Eventually, Dave must have realized that he had been holding onto Karkat’s arm that whole time, and hastily let go.

“You know, it’s starting to make sense now,” he said, the beginnings of a wry smile creeping onto his face.

Suspicious, Karkat looked over. “What?”

“Why I always feel so pissed off when you’re around.”

 

Karkat rolled his eyes, but the malice was gone from it. _He’s right, too. What’s that one Radiohead song? You do it to yourself –_ “Fuck you, Strider.”

 _Fuck_ me, _more like_.

 

 

There was a knock on the door. A voice called, “Dave, I’ve brought some salve for your scratches and a tray of cookies in case you get hungry – ”

Nanna Egbert paused in the doorway, blinking at Karkat behind her spectacles, once she entered. “Oh, hoo hoo, pardon me, dearie! I didn’t realize you had a friend in here with you.”

 

Both boys opened their mouths at the same time, probably to protest the use of the word ‘friend’, but then looked at each other and shut their mouths when they realized how dumb that was.

“That’s okay, Mrs Egbert,” Dave said. “You’ve done more than enough for me already.” He turned his head, closing his left eye to display the full extent of his black eye. “See, look how well my bruise is healing? If I didn’t know better, I’d say you used some sort of magic.”

After winking heartily in return, Nanna Egbert flapped a hand at him. “Oh stop! I’m no wizard. And just call me Nanna, I haven’t been called Mrs Egbert in years!” She set the cookies down, and before slipping out the door, added, “And please, would one of you mind going downstairs before John gets carried away with the popcorn maker? I think he’s rather excited for this famed ‘boys’ night in’.”

 

She left. The two of them looked at each other.

“Well,” Dave said, indicating. “You’re the guest here. After you.”

“We’re both fucking guests, this is John’s house.”

“Guys, which movie do you want to watch, _Bad Boys II_ or _The Wicker Man?”_ John called up the stairs. “Oh, and also, if either of you comes down here not in your pyjamas then you are officially UNINVITED from the popcorn party and I KNOW how much you would hate that.” A pause. "Also, Dave, STOP FLIRTING WITH MY GRANDMA."

 

 

By the evening, Karkat had been wrestled into a borrowed pair of sweats and a hoodie. They had settled on watching _Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2_ , a decision that satisfied nobody.

“Karkat, get off your phone!” John said, turning up the volume on the television. He had wedged himself between the other two on the sofa, using the excuse that he wanted to hold the popcorn bowl. “You’re missing the exposition.”

Evading his attempts at grabbing his Nokia, Karkat didn’t stop texting. “This is some important goddamn business, John, Gamzee’s been pestering me nonstop ever since I flew out of Florida. Besides, what kind of plot can a Kevin James movie have in the first ten minutes?”

“His wife left him six days after their wedding, and his mother just got killed by a milk truck.”

“Well, I fucking take it back.”

Dave looked up from where he was also secretly texting. “Oh yeah. Weren’t you supposed to stay with Gamzee over Christmas break? Doesn’t he mind you just up and leaving all of a sudden?”

Karkat shrugged one shoulder. “Nah. He doesn’t care. He lent me the money, actually. His family is fucking loaded.” He snorted. “They’re also all complete freaks. It’s honestly a relief to get away from that den of absolute batshit madness - if I wasn’t turning unconscious idiots over onto their backs to stop them from suffocating on their own tongues then I was having to placate furious Makaras to stop them from going on a rampage over the lack of Faygo in the household.”

“Why didn’t you just go home?” John said.

“That’s not an option.” Karkat leaned back into the couch, puffing his cheeks out. “I honestly can’t wait to go back to Scratch’s in January. Even if that place is equally as fucking mad.”

 

That mention of Scratch’s made Dave realize something. “Wait, what’s the date today?”

John raised his eyebrows, then checked the calendar on the wall. “Uh. December the 5th.”

“Aw. Shit. It was Rose’s birthday yesterday. And mine the day before that.”

“Aren’t you guys twins?” Karkat asked, frowning.

“Well, yeah. But we don’t know our actual birthday.” _Realistically, it’s whichever day Scratch whipped us up in that secret lab of his. And you. And John._ “We just kind of chose a couple of dates to celebrate, and. Rose wanted her own, obviously. And so did I.”

As it sunk in, John’s mouth opened wider and wider. He reached over and paused the movie. “…So, you’re seventeen now?”

“John, just speaking purely from a statistical standpoint, I’ve probably been seventeen for a while – ”

He was yanked into a stranglehold. “Happy birthday, you big goober! I can’t BELIEVE I forgot!” John leaped up from the couch. “I’m gonna go get dad. We actually need one of his lame cakes for once!”

 

Dave and Karkat were left alone in the living room, with Kevin James' dumb face frozen on the TV in front of them. The other boy was still jammed into the couch cushions like he was trying to assimilate into them, but he had turned his head and was looking at Dave with interested black eyes.

“Happy birthday,” he said, voice neutral.

“Thanks.”

“I didn’t get you anything, sorry.”

Dave shrugged. “Understandable.”

 

Looking at Karkat’s little half-smile, Dave concentrated, very hard. There it was – he could feel it – an undercurrent of wry amusement. And the usual bubbling annoyance, the confusing aura of tension that Karkat had always previously given off, was nowhere to be found.

Dave let himself smile back.

 

There was a spark. Jade appeared between them on the couch.

“Dave! I finally managed to – how are you! Oh, sorry for startling you – but I knew I could do it, I didn't want to wait I was so worried, and – oh my god!” John had just come through the door, wearing a beaglepuss and holding the most enormous cake, to find Dave and Karkat both sprawled on the floor in shock. “It was your birthday a few days ago, wasn’t it! Happy birthday!!! Oh no, I left my gift on the island, do you think it would be a bad idea to go back and – ”


	13. Chapter 13

As the new semester crept up fast, John’s dad drove the lot of them to the airport once again. He was totally unfazed over the fact that he had started out the winter vacation with one child and finished it with four. Halfway through the journey, he stopped and got them McDonald’s.

“I could’ve teleported there,” Jade insisted, sulking in the back seat with two packets of fries on her lap. Nobody denied it.

On the plane, Dave and Karkat sat next to one another and bickered over the single pair of earbuds Mr Egbert had lent them. They ended up tentatively sharing, sitting so far apart that the cord was stretched taut, but still couldn’t agree on what to actually listen to, and so the two of them spent most of taxi and take-off constructing a playlist that alternated between songs that Dave chose and songs that Karkat chose. The fight started up again when Karkat complained that Dave’s obscure rap tracks lasted twice as long as his 90s power ballads, and it only stopped when John interrupted them from the aisle seat by going into anaphylactic shock because someone had opened a packet of complementary peanuts a few rows ahead.

 

Two hours and one epinephrine shot later, they arrived at the pickup spot in New York. Rose was there waiting for them, leaning on her suitcase a good distance away from where Equius and Tavros were passing the wait for the bus by playing an awkward game of Go Fish.

“Dave,” she said immediately, getting up as soon as the four came into sight in order to hone in on her twin brother with the verve of a target-seeking missile. Karkat noticed Dave go tense beside him, and recognized the second-hand feeling as a rush of dread.

“Rose,” he said once she got close enough. “…Hey.”

“Don’t ‘hey’ me,” she snapped. Instantly cowed, Dave shut his mouth, and she added, in a terse voice, “Not a word for over a month.”

“My phone broke.” It wasn’t a lie.

Rose still wasn’t buying it. “Landline. Internet. Carrier pigeon. Hell, Dave, there are a thousand ways you could’ve contacted me that wouldn’t have left me relying on John for assurance of your wellbeing.”

 

There was a long, long pause.

Karkat was looking between the two siblings, trying to figure out if it would be best for him to just quietly slide off, when Rose spoke again with a huffy sigh. “I’ve been trying to get in contact with Bro, but he’s been just as difficult as you – ”

Dave chuckled darkly, cutting her off. “Should’ve expected you’d do something like that,” he muttered, sounding unusually aggravated. “Can’t you leave _anything_ be?”

The line of Rose’s mouth pressed thinner. “Not this time. I’ve ignored it enough times by now, don’t you think? You’d say it was fine and to leave it be, and I would _,_ and now I realize that every time I just let it get immeasurably worse. And that’s inexcusable. Maybe it’s why I feel somewhat to blame.” After saying that, she folded her arms, black fingernails sharp as claws. "Something’s got to be done, Dave," she said, "and if you’re not going to do it, which currently seems to be the situation, then I will."

Another loaded pause.

Dave blew air out through his nose, apparently accepting some sort of defeat. “Man, I just, I really don’t want to deal with this right now, Rose, can’t I take a rain check on the emotional meddling, or something? Get a loan, set an appointment for a later date? Just – really not now, I’m not in the mood – ”

“If I agree to that then you’ll keep putting it off indefinitely, and we’ll end up never talking about it. You know that as well as I do.”

“And wouldn’t that be a blessed relief. Some peace and fucking quiet.”

“Dave!” Rose snapped, brandishing a sudden hand that almost made her brother flinch back. “Take a look at yourself, for god’s sake! You got mashed to a pulp!”

 

Dave tensed up, at the exact same time that Rose realized she had said something very wrong. Karkat could feel her internally kicking herself, and it didn’t take too complex a series of mental gymnastics to figure that Dave probably really hated being beaten in a fight.

 

“Look,” Dave said, and his voice wasn’t exhausted now. It was angry. “I know you think you’re being helpful, but you’re not.” There was a moment of steely tension, and then Dave muttered, to no one in particular, “I’m gonna go talk to Equius.”

 _The words of a truly desperate man,_ Karkat thought grimly, watching him mooch away.

 

But Rose wasn’t going to let Dave end the conversation that easily. Raising her voice to his back, she called after him: “It’s fucked up, what he does to you. You know that, right?” Dave turned his gaze back while still walking away and visibly rolled his eyes behind his shades, but he didn’t deny it. “Alright.”

 

 

Karkat, who had been watching that exchange like a tennis match, was left beside a silent and brooding Rose. He was a heartbeat away from coming up with an excuse to leave, when he paused, sighed, and then grudgingly spoke.

“Hey. I recognize this isn’t really my place to butt in, but I think you should let him off the hook for a while about the whole Bro business. At least until he’s ready to talk about it himself.”

Though he felt Rose’s eyes lock onto him, he kept his attention fixed on Dave, who was now lounging by himself next to the bus stop, looking sullen. “He’s pretty tired, he has been for a while now, I don’t think talking it through is going to help any.” He shrugged. “Actually, despite how it seems, you’d definitely just make it worse going after him now.”

When he finally did dare a glance to his left, Rose was looking at him, her gaze level.

“Dave needs to recognize his unhealthy thought patterns,” she said.

Karkat snorted in agreement. “Yeah, definitely. But he’s already doing that, trust me, it’s all he’s been fucking thinking about for the past month while we were at John’s. I think he just needs time to process what happened. Making him the unwilling recipient of a one-sided Lalonde lecture is probably just going to make him more stubborn about not discussing it ever.”

“I’m sorry?” Rose said wryly. “Seems like you’ve become his attorney all of a sudden. How do you presume to know his inner workings so intimately?” 

She tapped a nail against her arm, and raised one dark eyebrow in a manner so suggestive it would’ve probably made Karkat blush if he hadn’t been totally caught up in his own thoughts all of a sudden.

“…He didn’t tell you?” Karkat said eventually.

Even if he hadn’t been able to read her, just the look Rose gave him would’ve told him enough. Rose Lalonde had no idea what he was talking about, and that was a rare experience for her. And she _really_ didn’t like it. “Tell me what?”

Karkat swallowed. _He didn’t tell her. Why didn’t he…?_ “Well. Dave… found out my powers. Sort of by accident. I just assumed he would’ve blabbed about them to you straightaway, the two of you seem…”

“Close? We do talk a whole lot, but not about much that really means anything.”

Karkat snorted, and Rose smiled just a fraction. Then there was silence, but this silence seemed a bit more amicable than the previous ones. Karkat, who had been on edge for the whole conversation, let himself relax just a fraction. _This girl is so fucking scary. I feel like if I got on her bad side I might just wake up with no eyeballs._

 

Rose spoke. “So. You’re an empath? That explains a lot.”

Karkat immediately re-tensed up again. “And just what in the name of fresh hell is that supposed to mean?”

Unfazed, Rose held her hands up at his tone. The little smirk she wore was infuriating, and just like her brother. “No need to fly off the handle, it was only a comment. Anyway, I wouldn’t have time to explain my newly-formed thesis about how your high-strung personality is probably a result of years of internalisation of others people’s negative emotions. The bus is here.”

“Uh, no it’s not?” Karkat said, just as a yellow school bus hurtled into view around the corner, horn blaring.

He looked over at Rose, narrowing his eyes, and found her still wearing that smirk.

 

 

“Karkat?” Rose said, later, as the lot of them were loading their suitcases onto the bus. Karkat looked up, blinking, from where he was trying to wrestle his duffle bag into a gap smaller than itself, and found her regarding him with quite a sincere expression. “I will say one thing.” He stayed on his haunches, waiting for whatever needed to be said, and was surprised to find that it was, “I’m glad that someone around here can read him, even if I can’t.”

And she walked away, leaving Karkat to try and figure out whether that had sounded bitter or not.

 

 

The green moon looked the same as they had left it. But, as they rolled up into the courtyard entrance of Doc Scratch’s school, it was clear that things had changed. For one, it was Redglare who came to greet them, leaning against the pillar beside the great oak doors, instead of Ms Paint or Snowman like the first time. 

Once the kids had gotten off the bus, groggy and queasy, and dragged themselves over to the entrance where she was waiting, both Dave and Rose did perfectly synchronised double-takes, then found each other’s surprised eyes through the crowd. Neither of them had ever interacted much with Redglare before – she was a sharp lawyer-looking redhead who taught mindseering to Terezi and Latula, and wore painfully bright pressed suits in every colour of the rainbow – but that didn’t mean they couldn’t recognize the fact that something had very obviously changed about her. Where she couldn’t have been pushing thirty before, now her stern face looked closer to fifty.

 _That can’t be right,_ Dave thought. _It must be a trick of the light. Or maybe…?_

“Where is Doc Scratch?” John asked her. Apparently he hadn’t noticed.

“Good question.” Redglare offered him an aggressive grin. “Not one I can answer, unfortunately.”

“Oh,” John said, clearly disappointed. Over on the other side of the courtyard, Rose looked disappointed too, though probably for different reasons.

Nonplussed, Redglare folded her arms. "Yeah, ‘oh’ is about right." She shrugged. "Nothing that can be done about it, though. Scratch is Scratch; if he doesn’t want to be found, we won’t be finding him any time soon. All we can do is wait until he decides to show his face again."

Her voice was light, but once Dave watched her more closely, he was surprised to notice something else about her worn face.

_Oh fuck. She’s really, really angry._

“But kid, hey,” Redglare went on, stepping back to wave them all inside the school with one brisk hand, “I can promise you this: once he does show up again, he’s going to be subject to a trial the likes of which he has never seen before.”

 

 

Two uneventful days later, back in his usual bed in the East Wing, Dave was sent suddenly bolting upright out of sleep.

 

The vestiges of the dream that had caused him to wake up remained only for a few seconds – _green, white, a small figure in a neat suit engulfed in flames –_ and then was gone, leaving him awake and confused as to why. Trying to remember, he stared up at the broken sword mounted above his bed.

 _Caledfwlch,_ his mind helpfully supplied as he lay there in a pool of his own sweat. _That’s what the sword is called._

 _Thanks, mind,_ Dave thought.

Naming his sword had seemed like kind of a douchebag move – especially since it was a useless broken piece of shit – but looking like a douchebag had never stopped him before. Maybe that was why he hadn’t even hesitated before unpacking and displaying the damn thing on a crooked nail above his headboard, where he just now realized it was left swinging precariously above his innocent sleeping neck. _Whatever. S’all good._

The name had been Rose’s suggestion. After struggling to pronounce it once or twice, Dave had decided he liked it even if he had no idea what it meant. Rose assured him it was ‘just a more Welsh way of saying Excalibur’.

 

He sat up. Looking over the darkened room, he found that John’s bed was empty, covers thrown back. _Hey. Looks like I was the only sucker still sleeping tonight._

 

When he wandered aimlessly into the common room, lit only by the dying embers in the fireplace and the two pink moons just out the window, he discovered that he was right in his suspicion that he was far from the only one awake in the wee hours.

Dave stood in the doorway until Karkat finally looked up, face bathed blue in the light of his laptop screen. He was huddled in the corner of the largest sofa, practically buried under a pile of assorted blankets, and his black hair was mussed like he had just climbed out of his own bed. A funny expression came onto his face when he recognised Dave’s pale figure, but Dave didn’t see it because of the heavy shadows and how quickly it was gone.

“Aw hey. It’s you.” Dave flopped down next to Karkat, who made a noise of protest but shifted to make room nonetheless. “What are we watching?”

“We?”

“Yeah, we.”

“I don’t remember issuing an invitation.” Karkat squirmed away a bit, but Dave caught a flash of his screen and saw that he had definitely paused something as soon as Dave had entered the room.

“That’s funny, cause I sure remember getting one. Signed with a kiss and everything.” When Karkat just pressed his mouth tighter, refusing to look over at Dave, he added, “Come on, movie night, just like at John’s. I’m not getting back to sleep anytime soon and judging by those eyebags I don’t think you’ve slept at all.”

Karkat still didn’t say anything, but Dave didn’t care. He was busy making himself comfortable, nabbing one of the blankets and wriggling himself underneath. “So, what is it? Love Actually? 10 Things I Hate About You? Or are you going _really_ wild and marathoning all six seasons of Sex and the City?”

“What kind of a paper cut-out of a person do you take me for?” Karkat snapped suddenly, shutting his laptop so aggressively Dave was worried for a moment that it might have broken. “Fuck you. I’ll have you know my interests are as diverse and expansive as the next guy, and consequently I, however shocking it may seem, possess the capability to watch more than just the romcoms you _clearly_ consider so vapid and unworthy of your precious, precious time.”

“Well, damn, okay.” Dave was too tired to figure out where that outburst had come from, but not too tired to feel a little hurt. He pushed through it, though. Mostly because he really didn’t want to go back to his silent room and lie in that bed still messed up from where he had tossed and turned and sweated and been plagued with horrible vivid visions of the end of the world. The corner of the common room with Karkat, in the firelight, was a nice place to be, he decided. Safe. Or, at least, safer. “So. What _is_ the menu, then, Ebert? Citizen Kane?”

Now Karkat was glaring directly at him. _Okay, yeah, the light before was actually doing him favours, those eyebags are way worse than I thought. Think I might’ve gotten to the root of why he’s so cranky. He’s never slept well, I could always hear him pacing away in the dorm next door and he sure didn’t sleep well at John’s since he was cramped onto the downstairs couch, but this is next-level –_

Just sitting there, he could feel it, too: a burning irritation coming from Karkat’s general direction. The nature of the other boy’s powers was an unspoken undercurrent in every conversation they had now, and to Dave’s alarm he found that it was starting to bother him less and less as the days went by. If Karkat could see right through his impenetrable Strider façade, then so what? Karkat was an even bigger mess than him.

 

Dave smiled slightly at that thought, and felt Karkat bristle next to him. _Hell, I can even use this empathy thing to my advantage. This shit’s a two-way street, so –_

_Look, see here, Karkat? I’ve figured you out. I’m not gonna let your bad mood get to me. I’m broadcasting good vibes over here, nothing else. This is a good vibes only station, no breaks, 24/7. We’re gonna sit here together and have a nice time, and it’s not going to result in a screaming match, because I’ve just now realized that literally neither of us want that. So stop trying to make it happen, Karkat._

He remembered, too late, that it was Terezi who could read thoughts and not Karkat. But he hoped most of that got across anyway.

 

It must have worked, because after a long pause Karkat tore his eyes away and blew a puff of air out through his nose.

“The Karate Kid,” he muttered under his breath, having the grace to sound a little embarrassed.

“Cool. Turn the screen this way, would you? And jack your brightness up a bit, your eyes might’ve adjusted to the dark but I can’t see shit – ”

“I still didn’t say you were fucking invited.”

“Oh come on. You don’t have to play coy, there’s no-one around, and I promise I won’t tell.” Dave held a hand up solemnly. “Trust me, not a single report shall pass betwixt these lips of how Karkat Vantas dared to show a glimmer of humanity under the sultry cover of darkness – ”

Karkat swatted his hand down, face reddening. “God you are _so – shameless – ”_ As he said that, he sprung up from the sofa, shedding blankets on the way, and stood in front of Dave with a posture like he was ready to start a fistfight, to Dave’s complete confusion.

“I’m… what?”

Undeterred by his obliviousness, Karkat went on, “That is the _second_ time you have brought up _mouths_ and _kissing_ since you waltzed unwelcomely into the room, and I feel like this is the millionth time I’ve had to tell you to keep your lame come-ons to yourself because I’m _not interested –_ ”

Horrified, Dave cut him off with a choking noise. “Whoa, you thought I was…? Oh, dude. Ew.”

Karkat paused mid-rage. “You mean you’re not?”

“No?”

“Well.” Karkat looked a bit embarrassed again. “Could’ve fooled me.”

For whatever reason, Dave was starting to feel embarrassed now, too. _Must be that emotion-leak thing. Just stay cool, stay cool._ “I’m not – I’m not flirting, ever, trust me, I’m just kind of a natural seductress, I guess, every word that comes out of me has bitches flocking from all over like I’m the only watering hole in the dry dry savannah.” He coughed, willing himself to shut up without much success. “Yeah, I’m like an Axe commercial but without the Axe and with a hell of a lot more swords instead, and, uh, fuck, I’m restarting the movie, let’s just do me a favor and agree to not acknowledge any of the things I just said and I’ll do you a favor and forget everything you’ve ever said, ever.”

Dave grabbed the laptop while Karkat was still trying to sort through all of the bullshit that had come out of his mouth, and dragged the progress bar right back to the beginning. Jay Sean started playing over the credits, and he settled down to watch, stubbornly not looking in Karkat’s direction. _Too tired for this shit. Too fucking tired._

_Both of us._

Eventually Karkat sat back down, though not without grumbling, “I still think it’s shitty to flirt with other people when you’re dating someone.”

“Oh, it’s the remake with Jackie Chan.” Dave made the executive decision to unplug the earbuds, not wanting to restart the tension that always arose between them where physical closeness was concerned, and instead turned the volume all the way up. “Cool.”

 

They watched in silence for a while after that, both of them too exhausted to properly pay attention. Instead of fully absorbing the inspiring development of Jaden Smith’s kung fu abilities, Dave’s mind started drifting towards the only thing it ever really drifted towards anymore.

_Bro. Rose said she couldn’t get in contact with him. Does that mean he’s looking for me? Is he even worried? I wonder if he even noticed I’m gone. I bet he hasn’t even fucking noticed I’m gone._

_Why should I care anyway. He’s an asshole._

_Why do I care anyway._

He jumped at a pressure on his left shoulder. When he looked down, he found that Karkat had dozed off, head lolling to the side. All Dave could see was a mess of hair and the upturned tip of his nose.

“Uh, hey, uh. Karkat.” He jostled his shoulder, but that didn’t dislodge the other boy, so he jostled harder. Karkat slid off and woke with a start.

“Wh – ”

“If you were angling for a snuggle, all you had to do was say.”

No reaction. He realized Karkat must be seriously tired when he didn’t even get all defensive over that. The other boy just blinked around like a bleary puppy.

“Bro, seriously, when’s the last time you slept?”

 _Now_ Karkat scowled at him.  “Just then.”

“No, I mean, actually. Like for eight hours. Or maybe even more if you wanted to go really wild, but I’m guessing that sleep is maybe the one area where you’re not inclined to go wild.”

It took more than a few seconds for Karkat to rack his brain enough to come up with an answer. “…I guess when I was in the medical bay, and the Disciple was forcing me.”

“Damn dude.” Dave felt guilty for waking him up over a little no-homo panic now. He patted the shoulder that Karkat had been snoozing on, inviting him back.

With a derisive snort, Karkat shoved him away, looking more awake now. “Fuck off. Restart the movie already, why did you pause it.”

 

But as soon as Dave unpaused the movie and settled down to watch again, they were interrupted by the door to the common room opening and Nepeta and Tavros emerging, both holding mugs of hot chocolate.

“Oh!” Nepeta immediately went bright red at the sight of Karkat, almost dropping her mug. Beside her, Tavros also looked embarrassed to be seen by Dave in his footie pyjamas, but he couldn’t drop his mug if he wanted to because it was resting in the holder on his wheelchair.

“I hope we’re not, uh, interrupting,” he said, eyes flicking between the pair on the couch, clearly drawing some wild conclusions.

“Nah, nothing to interrupt,” Dave assured him. “…I hope _we’re_ not interrupting?”

“Oh no, me and Tavros met in the kitchen by accident,” Nepeta said hastily, “We both just had pawsitively terrible nightmares!”

Dave slumped back against the cushions. “…Huh.”

Judging by the way Karkat stiffened beside him, his suspicions were confirmed. Everybody was having nightmares which were keeping them awake. _Hell school._

“I know it sounds kind of dumb, but mine was about, uh, clowns,” Tavros said, because Nepeta had turned strangely bashful all of a sudden. “Clowns on fire.”

 

“Clowns, fire, suns, corpses. _Green_.” Someone unseen said from the doorway, thoroughly startling them all. Nepeta dropped her mug.

 

“ _Rose,”_ Dave said, once he had gotten over the shock, “Would it kill you to announce your presence once in a while? It sure might save a few heart attacks.”

His sister ignored him. She moved out of the shadow of the doorway, revealing a tired little girl wearing a dressing gown and no headband, and holding a flask of what he sorely hoped was coffee.

“Tavros, I’m sorry that nobody ever sees fit to fill you in on anything,” she said. “Everyone has been having nightmares recently. Very similar ones, in fact.”

“Oh,” Tavros considered that, but he didn’t seem to know what to make of it. “D’you think it’s something in the, uh, food?”

Rose looked at him. “No. I don’t think that.”

She moved across the room towards Dave and Karkat. For a second, Dave was dreading the comment he was sure she was going to make in regard to their position, but she just raised her eyebrows and collected her knitting from the table. Then she made straight for the door without even a cursory goodbye.

 

“Hey, where are you going at this time of night?” Dave asked, struggling out from the blankets’ hold.

“Back to where I’ve been all night. The medical bay.” At Dave’s pointed eyebrow raise, Rose added, “I’ve been sitting up with Kanaya.”

“Why? Is she sick?” Dave thought back to earlier in the day, trying to remember if he had seen her around. It was the weekend, so he had spent most of his time playing videogames with John, but he could’ve sworn he had spotted her at breakfast, looking perfectly fine. “Did her stomach wound flare up again?”

Rose frowned. “No. Haven’t you heard?” At Dave’s headshake, she let out a sigh. “It’s the Dolorosa.”

She turned back to the door without explanation, and even from the side, Dave could see an unusual kind of unhappiness lingering on her features.

“If you want to see, I suggest you just come and visit her yourself," she said. "For once, I am just not in the mood for storytelling.”

 

The medical bay was almost entirely deserted when they crept in – unsurprising, since nobody had managed to get sick in the few class-free days since they had arrived back at school. However, one of the corner beds and its accompanying chair was filled. Kanaya was there, rinsing a washcloth off in a bowl of water with a sad look creasing her brown face, and in the bed was a tiny, wizened old woman.

It took Dave a second to recognize, with an unpleasant jolt, that the old woman was the Dolorosa.

“Oh hello, little ones,” the Dolorosa said when she spotted them. Her voice was creaky and ragged, barely there. “How nice to get visitors at this time of night.”

“Hi,” Karkat said warily when no one spoke, too shocked by her appearance to say anything. Her kind black eyes were sunken in deep mottled bruises, and the bones were showing through the paper-thin skin of her arms. She looked on death’s door. “You seem… well?”

The Dolorosa laughed softly, but it seemed to hurt her because she closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them, she was smiling again. “Oh dear, you’ve never been very good at lying, Karkat, and you don’t need to lie to me now. I’m well aware I’m quite poorly.”

“I just don’t understand,” Kanaya said tearfully. Although she was sponging off the older woman’s forehead, her other hand didn’t relinquish its grasp on one wrinkled claw. “You seemed fine when we left. Why is this happening so suddenly?”

“Some things are sudden,” The Dolorosa said agreeably. Nepeta had her palm pressed over her mouth, and Karkat moved back to put an awkward hand on her shoulder. “It is all we can do to bear them.”

“Did _he_ do this to you?” Kanaya burst out, with sudden ferocity. The thought had crossed Dave’s mind, too. “He did, didn’t he? He’s to blame. He always is.” Her voice almost got stuck on a choke. “Do you think, if we found him, wherever he’s hiding, we could…?”

She trailed off. The unspoken words were ‘make you better’, but everyone knew how ridiculous that idea was.

The Dolorosa just smiled, and patted Kanaya’s hand. “It doesn’t matter, my dear. This is how it is supposed to be.” She sighed, and nestled back into her pillows, looking smaller than she ever had. “Whatever we were created for, we just weren’t powerful enough.”

 

 

Despite Scratch’s continued absence, a school-wide meeting was called the next day. The Condesce took the helm, marching onstage in an enormous fur coat and with enough barely-restrained fury to fuel a rocket ship – not unusual for her, but terrifying nonetheless. Her eyes were strangely red under her heavy makeup.

Everyone went silent as she aggressively tapped the mic with a French-tipped finger, sending squeals of feedback around the room.

“This is a fuckin helluva disaster,” she snapped, never one to beat around the bush. “A fuckin tragedy is what it is. If you ain’t heard it yet, you gonna hear it from me now. Dolorosa died last night. And you’d better believe our _headmaster_ still ain’t deigned to show his nasty-ass visage.”

 

A murmur went up. Dave stiffened in his chair, then looked around. No sign of Kanaya, or Rose for that matter. He hadn’t thought much of their absence coming in. They often skipped assemblies.

 

Onstage, the line of teachers had bowed their heads solemnly. Everyone now noticed the absence among the twelve – now eleven – like a missing tooth. The Disciple and the Summoner were both visibly struggling to fight back tears.

“I’mma tell you one thing, though,” the Condesce was saying, voice thick with anger or something else, “He’s right to motherfuckin run. ‘Cause if that asshole dares to show his smug face round these parts again, I’m gonna tear him the fuck up with my bare hands.”

“Oh dear,” a mild voice came over the speakers that definitely wasn’t the Condesce. “It seems I’m not welcome at my own establishment. How disappointing. Especially since I was away for such a long time.”

 

The Condesce stepped away from the podium, teeth gritted, as Doc Scratch stepped out of thin air like he had parted a curtain in it.

 

He smiled implacably at her, not a line marring his pale face, and then turned to look out at the crowd, smoothing down his suspenders. Dave felt a chill go through him at the moment Scratch’s eyes passed over his face.

“Hello, esteemed students,” Scratch said. His voice seemed somehow amplified, even though he hadn’t stepped up to speak into the microphone. “I must apologize for my lengthy absence. There was some business that needed tending to. But I trust you’ve been well cared for in the meantime.”

 

The Condesce recovered from her shock and stepped forward, body drawing into a fighting stance.

“Cared for?” She cackled an incredulous laugh. “You must be fuckin joking! You’re omniscient, bitch, you damn well know that half of them near got killed because of your vanilla milkshake ass – ”

“So it _was_ you!” Everyone’s attention pivoted to the crowd of students, where Meenah had jumped up onto her seat and was pointing right at the stage, teeth bared. “You tried to kill us in that museum by sendin those birds, don’t even deny it, she’s sayin it, I’m sayin it – !”

“I wouldn’t deny it,” Scratch agreed. “You’re perfectly right, I did send them.”

“See!” Meenah yelled. “Y’all didn’t believe me, but I was damned right! He’s afraid of how powerful we are and he wants us dead – ”

“Oh, but _that’s_ quite the misguided assumption,” Scratch interrupted, wagging a finger. “It would be ridiculous for me to adopt such a roundabout method of killing you. Frankly, my dear Miss Peixes, if I wanted you dead, then you would be dead!”

He laughed. Nobody else joined in.

“No,” Scratch went on, wiping an imaginary speck of dust from his suit shoulder and then folding his hands in front of him. “That little episode was simply… well, shall we call it hands-on teaching, and leave it at that?”

“Hands-on!?” Meenah yelled, scrambling over the seats despite Aranea’s attempts to hold her back. “I’ll show you hands-on, you dusty-ass creep!”

“She’s right,” Porrim said angrily, standing up too, and the people around her began to buzz in agreement. “If you’re telling us that was supposed to be some sort of a lesson, then you’ve really got to be joking.”

“I’ve occasionally been known to joke, Miss Maryam,” Scratch replied. “But this isn’t one of those instances. And can you really say it was a failure? If nothing else, it jump-started things somewhat, didn’t it?” He smiled amicably, spread his arms wide.

“You are unbelievable.” Redglare spoke up in a low voice, her cane poised like a weapon. “You know as well as we do that it’s your fault the Dolorosa died.”

“The Dolorosa?” Scratch cocked his head. “I don’t understand. What could I possibly have to do with her very tragic and untimely demise?”

“You forced her to use up the last of her power to save those kids!” Redglare barked, cutting off the end of his sentence. “The kids that _you_ almost killed for the sake of your twisted _lesson!_ ”

“If anyone expected studying at my school to be easy, then I’m sorry to say that they were laboring under a false impression. Nothing worthwhile is ever achieved without a struggle.”

Meenah hissed in fury at that statement, still trying to get at him. “Fuck you, you’re so dead once I get close enough!”

“We have a live one, it seems,” Scratch said, raising his eyebrows as he watched her struggle against the people holding her back. Then he turned his attention to the Condesce, who was now making a beeline for him across the stage, shedding her leather gloves. “ _Two_ live ones! Goodness. You’ve all been getting rather worked up while I was away.”

“This has gone on long enough,” the Condesce hissed. She reached for Doc Scratch’s neck. “I shoulda done this a long fuckin time ago.”

 

Her bare fingers closed around his neck.

 

And nothing happened.

 

 

“I’d suggest you unhand me,” Scratch said, prising her grip loose. “For your own good, if not mine.”

“Wh – ” The Condesce pulled away, staring down at her own palm, and before she could look up again she was blasted backwards by a surge of invisible energy. She hit the wall with a dull _thud_.

 

“Oh my _god!”_ Someone yelled.

 

Eyebrows raised, Scratch stepped closer to the Condesce. She was slumped on the ground, stunned, hair fanned out around her head.

All the other teachers were still frozen onstage, staring at the cracked outer wall and the headmaster, whose hands remained folded calmly behind his back.

Scratch tutted. “I’d like to say your disobedience is disappointing, but it really isn’t. In a way, you were born to be disobedient, and I can’t fault that.” He raised a hand to her. “Ah well. No matter. Things are as they are for a reason, I suppose.”

 

There was a blast of white, like lightning had struck the room, but before the brightness swallowed their vision everyone had just enough time to see a lone figure – a rough, scarred sailor of a man – appear in front of the Condesce’s slumped form with a brighter flash, shielding her body with his own. His long coat billowed around him, his face contorted –

 

When the white light cleared like dust, Dualscar was gone. A pile of green dust gently floated towards the ground. Eridan made a choking noise from the seat beside Dave.

 

“No!” Someone yelled – the Disciple, probably – and like some cue had been given, all the teachers rushed forwards in a blind rage to attack Scratch. But they immediately seemed to come up against an invisible wall which prevented them from getting anywhere near him.

They looked to the side.  The Handmaid was there, holding out one of her white wands, which was glowing with magic energy. She mutely shook her head.

 

“Well then,” Scratch said breezily, turning away from the Condesce’s unconscious body like his work was now done. If he noted that his students were looking at him with horror and his staff with hatred, then he was unbothered. “As usual, I expect full attendance in class this week. Don’t worry if your teacher is missing, your timetable will be altered accordingly. But lateness is not permissible, for, as you know, lateness is a sign of an unhealthy mind.”

 

 

 

“Who is he?” Dave asked in his lesson with the Handmaid, before he had even fully gotten through the door. Not an hour had passed since the assembly, which Scratch had called to an end by disappearing once again and leaving everyone in the most abject shock of their lives. “What is he trying to do? You need to tell me everything you know if I’m not gonna consider you an enemy from here on out.”

The Handmaid and Damara looked up, quizzical faces alike. Damara was sitting at the teacher’s silk-slippered feet, silently running one of the white wands through her hands while a cigarette hung loosely from the side of her mouth, and the Handmaid was sorting through whatever was in that wooden box of hers, as usual.

“What?” Damara said, seemingly for both of them.

“I said,” Dave said, with all the patience he could muster, “Who is Scratch. Tell me everything you know about him.”

There was quiet in the room for a moment as the two women looked at one another. The atrium where they held their lessons was dark, even though it was only the afternoon, and the glass panels overhead gridded only murky clouds.

The Handmaid muttered something unintelligible, not looking in Dave’s direction.

“Doesn’t matter,” Damara translated.

“It does fucking matter!” Dave near-shouted, “Shit, I just watched him obliterate someone like it was no big deal! And that someone was supposed to be your co-worker – don’t you even fucking _care?”_

The Handmaid’s mumbled reply came in a flat voice that suggested she didn’t, really.

“It would not matter if she did care. It’s no use,” Damara said, her translation sounding considerably longer than whatever the Handmaid had said. Then she added, to Dave’s surprise, “He is a god.”

“A – a _god_?” Dave said, but that didn’t prompt any further explanation. “O…kay. How the hell did you meet him then?”

“Didn’t meet. Raised us,” Damara said, without the Handmaid even saying anything first this time.

Then she clarified, “Teachers. Not me. Raised them from children. Here on green moon. Twenty-five years ago.”

Dave frowned. That number had come up before, in the lab. _Twenty-five years. Maybe I could believe that the Handmaid is in her twenties, but the rest of them – no way._

“He created us,” Damara said, and this time she didn’t clarify who was speaking. The Handmaid was looking straight at him, too, unmoving. “You know this.”

 _Busted. What, did the Condesce tell her about our snooping? I can’t imagine those two having friendly staffroom conversations._ “Yeah, I – I do. Why?”

Damara cocked her head again, playing dumb. “What?”

 _You know damn well what I said._ “Why did he create us? I mean, you. I mean, the Handmaid. Why did he create the Handmaid.”

At that, Damara shrugged rudely, and the Handmaid said something brief. “To teach you,” Damara said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“…You mean, to teach us?” Dave said. _There’s more than one time-power student in this room, even if only one of them turns up for half the fucking lessons._

“No,” Damara clarified. “Just you.”

 

Before Dave could dispute that, Damara hauled herself to standing ungracefully, unbothered by the fact that her tiny skirt flew up at the motion, and stubbed out her cigarette. She picked up her satchel, flipped Dave the bird for no reason, and reported, “Am going.”

“What?” Dave said. The lesson hadn’t even begun yet.

“What?” Damara imitated back at him in a whiny voice, then gave a brisk laugh and strolled out of the room without looking back. Dave was left alone with the Handmaid, reeling from all the information that had presented itself to him in the last 24 hours, and all the unanswered questions he still had despite that.

He looked up, through the glass. Storm clouds were gathering above, circling like water around a drain.

 

 

Before Dave could speak again – despite knowing he would get no English answer without Damara there – the Handmaid held up a finger. Then she slowly reached down and pulled something out of the wooden box, setting it on her lap.

 

“This again,” Dave groaned when he saw the frog. “I thought that frog was long gone. Or is this a different one than the one before?” He got no answer, but he still asked, curiously, “You don’t breed frogs, do you? That seems like a weird hobby. Not that you’re not weird, but...”

The Handmaid was ignoring him. Suddenly she seemed very set on her mysterious task. She reached down, gripped one of the animal’s tiny legs between her fingers, and with a swift motion, broke it. There was a resounding _snap_.

“Ah, what the hell are you doing!” Dave said in distress as the little thing contorted in pain, its back leg now bent at an unnatural angle. “Seriously lady, what kind of vendetta do you have against frogs –”

The Handmaid shushed him, then quickly waved a hand over the creature. Both of them watched as it froze, and then the bone shifted, and the leg twisted back into the right shape. The frog looked around, unaware that anything had ever happened.

 

Outside rain suddenly started to pour. The sound of the drops hitting the glass roof was distractingly loud.

Dave only had a second before he looked up from the woman’s lap, and saw that the Handmaid was looking dead at him with black, black eyes, and she had her wands out.

There was a clap of thunder that coincided with Dave realizing what was happening.

 

Pre-pain shock shot through him all cold like he had been electrocuted, then localised itself to his right leg, humming. _Oh fuck, oh shit, oh fuck, oh shit –_

The Handmaid was gone from her seat. She was standing on the other side of the room now, the white glow from her wands dying down, silently watching him. Dave tried to keep himself from falling to the ground, but it was a hard thing to do when he was acutely aware that

the _bitch_ had just broken his leg –

 

 

Before the real pain was about to hit him, he had a sudden wave of perfect clarity, and felt all the pieces come together with a snap.

 

_It works if you think of it in terms of timelines. Let’s say there’s only one timeline, and we’re in it. Within this timeline, the Handmaid can control an object’s time, and Damara can control an object’s time, but only forward. But I…_

_Well there’s only one explanation that makes sense._

_I can control the timeline._

Then the pain came, sharp and sudden, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

 

…

 

When he opened them again it was with partial surprise, because the sound of rain was gone.

 

 

 

The Handmaid was in front of him, sitting on the ledge like she had been before. The frog was in her hands, its leg in the process of fixing itself back to its natural position. Her wands were still resting on the window ledge next to her.

 

Without even pausing to process the magnitude of what had just happened –

 _– I reset, I undid, I scratched the fucking timeline like I shut off the game without saving, fuck you Resetti you ain’t catching me this time bitch_ –

– he paused time, and then was across the room as fast as he could, snapping the Handmaid’s wands in half. They splintered easily, like they were made out of cheap balsawood. 

When he resumed time, the Handmaid didn’t even look surprised to see him standing there with her wands in four pieces. In fact, she looked satisfied. For the first time since he had met her, there was something resembling a smile on her face.

 

After the small smile had faded, she stood up, opening one of the glass panels and letting the frog loose into the bushes just as it started to rain outside. The drops pinged off the roof in a familiar pattern.

 

 

Dave was still standing there frozen, breathing unnaturally heavily, as he watched the Handmaid collect her box and take the pieces of wand from Dave, dropping them inside and then shutting it.

“We are done,” she said to him after the first thunderclap sounded. Then she left the room, and Dave was completely, confusedly alone.

 

After a few seconds, he reached down, just to be sure, and felt his leg. _Just like I thought. Unbroken._

_…_

_Hands-on teaching indeed._

When he looked up, sensing something, there was that white figure in the window above again. As soon as he saw it, it was gone. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was still there, like always, watching.

 

 

After that, the Handmaid was true to her word. She went missing.

 

 

In the ensuing weeks, it turned out that everyone dealt with Scratch’s reappearance, subsequent teacher-murder and then sudden re-disappearance in different ways. Some kids went into hiding, barely coming out of their rooms except to eat. Rose camped outside Scratch’s door when he wouldn’t respond to her persistent knocking, but was graced with no sign of his presence. Jade buried herself in training her powers, despite the Dolorosa’s absence, and would barely stick around in one place for any significant amount of time before there’d be a green flash and she’d be off in another.

Dave dealt with what kind of felt like a hostage situation the only way he knew how, which was by pretending it wasn’t happening. He and John spent most of their free time in their bedroom, marathoning shitty movies and getting an alarming amount of homework done for a pair of teenage boys. The only thing that was different from first semester was now Karkat joined them a lot of the time.

“Eridan hasn’t been himself recently,” Karkat said one Saturday evening when they had paused their pirated copy of Avatar for a snack break. “Not since Dualscar.”

“That’s kind of good to be honest,” Dave said through a mouthful of doritos. “I’m not a big fan of his regular self.”

“Oh come on. That’s too harsh.”

“He thinks all non-magic users should be executed?”

“Well, yeah, I’ll give you that.”

“Also he’s proposed to Feferi six times since we first arrived, Rose twice, Sollux twice, and me once.”

“So sue the guy for having intimacy issues, don't we all?” Karkat said. “And you’re forgetting me, he’s proposed to me three times.”

“Guys, shut up, I’m starting the movie again,” John said, grabbing the remote. They were in the Strider-Egbert room as always, but Karkat was weirdly squeamish about sitting on either of their beds for some reason. He chose instead to wrap himself up like a burrito and lean against the side of Dave’s bed, meaning he was constantly having to twist his head back and up whenever he inevitably wanted to argue with Dave on some moot point or other. Which was often.

 

On a whim, Dave leant forwards and blew on the top of Karkat’s messy hair, earning himself a barrage of swearwords.

“Guys, seriously, shut up!” John said again, looking like he was about to pause the movie if they caused any more trouble.

Dave sighed. “Why are we even watching this movie anyway, it doesn’t have Matthew McConaughey in it, and that seems to be your litmus test for whether a movie is worth watching.”

“Jake recommended it.”

“ _Jake_ only watches it because he has the world’s biggest crush on the blue woman.”

“Neytiri. And he does not,” John said. “He likes the worldbuilding.”

“Dirk says he has a big poster of her in his room, right above his bed,” Dave recalled. Since getting back to Scratch’s, he had managed to talk to Dirk exactly once, and that meeting had involved much more in the way of boyfriend complaints than he had been anticipating. “Apparently it’s the cause of a lot of arguments.”

“Over the bed, you say? I can’t even begin to fucking imagine why,” Karkat grunted.

“Oh, whatever,” John said in a frustrated tone, getting up and beginning to shrug his hoodie on. His laptop almost fell off the bed with the movement, but Karkat caught it before it hit the ground. “You guys can do whatever you want, turn it off if you like, I’ve got to go. I promised to meet someone.”

“What?” Dave paused in cramming his mouth full. A few crumbs spewed out of his betrayed open mouth when he said: “Dude. You’re going to miss the ponytail sex scene?”

“I don’t care, I’ve seen it before,” John said. “Roxy mentioned that she wanted to go for a walk this evening.”

“ _Roxy_?” Dave said incredulously. “Since when did you start hanging out with her?”

“Since this year!” John replied. Dave wanted to say, _step off because that’s my biological mom, you asshole,_ but he didn’t. There was still a lot that John didn’t know, and he wasn’t sure he had the energy to explain it all now. “Well, see you later!”

Exiting the room, John gave them a chipper wave, as if he wasn’t totally blowing them off.

 

Now it was just Dave and Karkat again.

 

Dave sighed, resting his chin on his elbows to look down at Karkat’s hair whorl. The other boy wasn’t saying anything, but he suspected they were both feeling the same thing. _Fucking John._

It wasn’t like he really had anyone else he could ask to join them to make the hangout less depressing. Jade was caught up in her studying, Rose wasn’t really cut out for blockbuster jams. He had barely seen Terezi since getting back, and he wasn’t going to make himself look like the desperate party in their relationship by bugging her for attention when she was clearly so caught up in some business with Vriska recently. He hated to admit it, but even though they didn’t really get along all that great, Karkat was kind of the only friend he had made since coming to Scratch’s.

 

Dave cleared his throat. “Uh. You still want to continue this little viewing sesh?”

Starting at the sound of another human voice, Karkat craned his neck to glare up at him, dark smudges under his dark eyes.

“Why do you ask, Dave? Am I only bearable when I have the mollifying presence of John Egbert around to sand my edges off?” He laughed passionlessly. “Wait, no, don’t even lie, I can read you back to front, remember? I know you’re so excited to experience a movie one-on-one with me and my truly awesome critical commentary that you’re barely managing to hold in a grin so big it would snap your fucking head in two like the world’s most revolting pez dispenser.”

“You got me there. I do find it pretty charming when you talk like an alien trying their hardest to not imitate normal human speech patterns.”

Karkat looked at him suspiciously. “Really?”

“No.” Dave stood up to prop the laptop back on the bed, settling himself wordlessly next to Karkat. “Well I’m not watching any more of James Cameron’s Blue Man Group fanfiction. If this session is to continue then we’re gonna have to choose something else to watch.”

“I don’t care, you pick,” Karkat grumbled, even though it was obvious to both of them that he wouldn’t hesitate to complain over whatever Dave chose. “Seeing as you’re always so quick to point out how much you _revile_ my taste in movies anyway.”

“Dude, come on, don’t be like that,” Dave protested. “I’m just kidding around when I make fun of your garbage taste, you know better than anyone that deep down on the inside I actually _love_ how much you love Katherine Heigl movies.”

“Whatever you say,” Karkat mumbled. “You’re the roomowner here. I’m just a visiting peasant with clothes made of metaphorical potato sacks and zero say on what movie we watch on movie night.”

Filled with a new determination, Dave got up on his knees and opened a new tab on John’s crappy 2003 browser. “Okay, that’s settled it, we’re watching Good Luck Chuck.”

Karkat scowled like he suspected some sort of joke, but that frown lightened somewhat when he saw that Dave had actually found an illegal copy of the film and was trying to shut all the virus popups that had erupted as soon as he tried to click the play button. “…We are?”

“We are.” Dave nudged his way into the space next to Karkat as the movie started. He purposely did not flinch when their shoulders touched, and neither of them moved away. “Come on, Karkat, let’s experience true love the only way we can, which is vicariously, through Dane Cook.”

Miraculously, without much further argument, they settled down and proceeded to do just that.

 

However, forty-five minutes later it became evident that despite the fact that he had gone out of his way to pick a flick he thought Karkat would appreciate, there was very little attention being paid to the movie on either of their ends.

From the very beginning, Karkat seemed distracted, looking at everything but the screen, and Dave couldn’t focus with Karkat silently fidgeting away. He was used to the other boy talking over every other line of dialogue, dissecting the music and plot development and mise-en-scene with enough ferocity that a professional film critic would probably be impressed. Watching a movie without that felt somehow barren.

After a while of picking at one of his nails, Karkat spoke up. “Do you think John’s going to come back?”

“Why do you ask?” Dave said, seeing the opportunity to provoke Karkat instead of watching Dane Cook destroy all his remaining credibility and seizing it. “You crushing on him? Worried about him and Roxy getting their mack on?”

“What. No.” Karkat slumped down further, the lower half of his face disappearing into his cocoon of blanket. “Just… don’t you think it feels weird watching a movie with only the two of us?”

“No?” Dave said, mystified at that idea. “Why would I?” There was a pause. “Sure you’re not just hankering after a big juicy slice of that Egbert meat? It’s okay if you are, loads more people have crushes on John than will admit it.”

Karkat groaned. “Oh my god, would you just leave it, I do not and have never had a crush on John.”

Dave frowned. _Is he… going red over there? What the fuck?_ “Wait, seriously? I was just playing around, but – ”

“Strider, I do NOT!” Karkat snapped, trying to squirm away when Dave inched closer with a look of wonder on his face. “What the fuck are you doing – ”

“Trying to see if I can feel it,” Dave reported, trapping Karkat in with his arms. “You getting any butterflies sprouting in the digestive tract when I mention the name of Egbert? Any hot flushes when I make reference to buckteeth? Any sudden fits of swooning when your thoughts stray to the slime monster from Ghostbusters?”

“Let go!” Karkat roared, apparently ignoring the fact that Dave wasn’t even touching him and the only reason he couldn’t duck away from the looming boy was because he had wound himself up too tightly in his blanket and his arms were stuck.

Dave grinned, delighted. “Oop, there it is. You’re getting flustered.” _Even I can feel that, it’s so damn strong._

“I am not!”

“You so are!”

“I am NOT!”

“You so are, I can feel it, plain as fucking day, don’t even deny it!” Dave raised a hand and dragged his fingers pointedly across Karkat’s cheek, being rewarded with a flash of hot, static red energy coming off the other boy.

_Flustered. Bingo._

Suddenly, Karkat went dead still underneath him.

“Dave…” He said in a low, bitter voice, his eyes fixed somewhere to the side. “I’m warning you, don’t even try it, seriously, don’t even do this shit to me.”

The air had around him changed somehow. Dave pulled back, startled by the sudden cold, and found that Karkat was now refusing to look at him.

“What?” Dave said, confused as to the turn this had taken, but got no response. He tried again. “Karkat, what?”

 

Karkat sat up, pushing him away, and turned his angry red face in the other direction. 

 

 

Dave was about to do – _something,_ say _something_ – when there was a loud series of knocks on the door. Even through their shared confusion, they both called, “Come in.”

 

It was Terezi. “Dave, are you busy, I need to – ”

 

She stopped, not looking entirely all that surprised to see (or smell, or sense, or whatever) Karkat there with him.

“Oh.” she said dully. “Karkat. Hey. I haven’t seen you for a while.”

“Nope.” Karkat agreed, and after a pause in which Dave pointedly raised his eyebrows, he grudgingly added, “Likewise, but that kind of goes without saying. Unless I had been sitting in a tree outside your house with binoculars, which, you know. I haven’t.”

“Heheh.” One side of Terezi’s mouth quirked up. “So… How have you been recently?”

That, like many other minor things, seemed to irk Karkat beyond belief. “Really, Terezi, is this what we’ve been reduced to? Polite small talk between worse-than-strangers?”

Terezi sighed heavy sigh. It was mostly exasperated, but also somewhat fond. “Oh come on.”

After a petulant pause, Karkat sighed too. “Fine. I’m fine. I’ve been fine. Well no, I haven’t, but I don’t really feel like getting into it right now. How are _you_ , Terezi?”

“I’m fine,” Terezi reported with a little smile. “I’m here to steal Dave away, actually, if you two aren’t in the middle of something. I haven’t seen him all week.”

She looked directly at Dave, silently asking the question.

 

For some reason, Dave’s first instinct was to look at Karkat. He found the other boy sitting with a funny expression on his face.

“…You mean you’re going on a date?” Karkat asked, carefully.

Suddenly the moment was very awkward and Dave, who was sort of located passively in the middle of it, didn’t know what to do with his hands. He grabbed his shades from the stand beside his bed and propped them on his face.

Terezi looked between the two boys, her face also guarded by her own red triangular sunglasses.

“Yes,” she said eventually. “Yes, we’re going on a date. Is there a problem?”

Another pause. Dave started thinking about all the other places in the world he’d rather be than between this particular pair of exes. _A burning pit. Snowman’s office. A room full of snakes._

“No,” Karkat replied, averting his gaze again. “It’s a free country. There are no laws on the moon, remember? You can do whatever the hell you want, I don’t care.”

“Okay, good,” Terezi said. “Dave, are you ready? I’ve got something I want to show you.”

Dave didn’t reply. He was still looking at Karkat. _What was that… what was up with that._

As if sensing his gaze, Karkat looked up and met his eyes. In those few seconds, it felt like they had a silent conversation, though neither of them knew what was said.

Karkat turned away. “Well? Go on.” He flapped a dismissive hand, like it didn’t bother him at all. “Don’t worry, I’m fully grown, I can watch Good Luck Chuck by myself. And John’ll be back soon, anyway.”

Only then did Dave stand up and collect his jacket from the back of the chair. Karkat was still slumped on the floor among bowls of popcorn when he left the room.

He didn’t let himself look back when he shut the door, looking straight ahead as he followed Terezi to wherever she was taking him.

 

 

It turned out the ‘thing’ Terezi had wanted to show Dave was the portal that the European bus took to get to the moon. They hiked out to where it was tucked away in the furthest part of the woods, and when they reached it they stood around watching the green form warp and undulate for a while until Terezi said, “You want to go through, right?”

So go through they did.

 

The other side of the portal brought them out in a place where it was early evening. The sun was still up in the sky, and it was warm, and the portal itself emerged from behind the shutters of an abandoned billiards bar almost identical to the one that Slick always drove them through in New York, except the sign was in French.

Terezi looked around herself, blind eyes sweeping over the streets, which were filled with people in coats hurrying home from work. “Oops. I forgot our portal comes out in France.”

Incredulous, Dave stared over at her. “You’re telling me this was an accident? Taking me to the most romantic country on Earth?”

Terezi shrugged. “The jury’s still out on that one,” she said with a grin.  “Wanna get some ice cream?”

Somehow they ended up on the beach, after Terezi brought them both ice cream cones using a lot of gesturing and pointing and not a lot of French. Dave insisted he didn’t want one, but ended up with a vanilla cone melting in his left hand nonetheless. It got covered in sand as soon as they headed onto the beach and sat amongst the dunes, and when Terezi was distracted watching a seagull peck apart an abandoned burger he quickly buried it out of sight behind some scrubby grass.

 

They sat there together. _A date. This is a probably a date, isn’t it? How come we haven’t gone on one of these before._

“Things have been crazy,” Terezi said, though whether it was in response to his thought or just a general comment, Dave didn’t know. Both of them watched the foamy sea go in and out on the wetter sand below them. It looked nothing like the sea that lay behind the school on the green moon. It was much less grey.

The wind picked up.

“How is it sunny but also so cold?” Dave complained, his knees drawn into his skinny chest, to conserve what little warmth he had. _I never thought I’d say this, but Houston, I miss you._

“What are you talking about?” Terezi said, bemused. She was only wearing a thin t-shirt with kind of a nerdy graphic design of a dragon breathing fire on it, and a pair of red shorts that displayed her mismatched socks. “It’s kind of warm out.”

“And where do you come from, Antarctica?”

That earned him a wry smirk. “Close enough.”

Dave couldn’t bring himself to watch Terezi messily devouring the rest of her cone – onto which she had piled every single topping, and a hell of a lot of chocolate sauce – so he looked out to the horizon instead. For some reason, the sea here made him think of the first time he had met the Handmaid, when she had been sitting on the windowsill in the ballroom.

 

“The Handmaid hasn’t showed up to any of my lessons recently,” he said out loud, because he realized that Terezi knew literally nothing about what had happened in his life these past few weeks, and vice versa. “Seriously, I have no idea what the hell is going on anymore. It’s kind of a joke. I came to Scratch’s school to be taught how to use my powers and it seems like everything but that has happened.”

Terezi frowned, licking sauce off her fingers with her pointed tongue. “Why, hasn’t she taught you anything at all?”

“It’s not that. I mean – ”

Dave stopped himself suddenly. He had been about to bring up that last lesson when it had occurred to him that he actually didn’t want to talk about that one big thing he had figured out how to do yet. Somehow, that moment where he had managed to wipe the world clean seemed awfully private.

“ – I mean, she taught me some stuff, I guess,” he finished lamely. “You know, stopping time completely and everything.”

 

That got a hum of consideration out of Terezi, and then her eyes lit up. “Hey, want to see something wicked that Redglare and Latula helped me figure out how to do?”

She didn’t wait for an answer before getting to her feet.

Dave waited to see what was going to happen. After a few minutes of silent concentration, where Dave sat there getting progressively colder, Terezi turned back and pointed at the city behind them, which rose up into the hills with its white and beige buildings.

“Four hundred and eight thousand, six hundred and thirty-two,” she said, then looked down at Dave with a grin that said she expected him to be impressed.

“That sure is a number,” Dave said, applauding briefly. She bowed with a flourish, and sat down, closer to him this time. “So. What does it mean?”

“That’s how many people are currently within the city limits, give or take,” Terezi said. Out on the waves in front of them, there were two tiny schooners and one larger ferry struggling along, which she pointed to and said, “Twelve people on that boat, twenty-nine on that one, and one thousand, one hundred and five on that one.”

“Wow,” Dave said, actually impressed that time. “I mean, you could say literally any amount and I would have no way to know if you were lying, but. I’ll just assume you wouldn’t bullshit me on this one.”

“Redglare taught me how to use mindseering to visualize a map of people’s brains,” Terezi said, linking her arm through Dave’s and shuffling in closer against the wind. “Like a big interlocking web. You know, sort of like how bats use echolocation?”

“Nope,” Dave said honestly.

Terezi laughed, then rested her head on his shoulder. “You’re lucky you’re so cool, or else I might find your lack of mammal-based knowledge disappointing.”

“Yeah,” Dave said. He was trying to figure out why he felt so uncomfortable, aside from the sand and the wind and the cold. “No false advertising here. I’m just too cool for school.”

 

They passed the next few minutes quietly. The sun was starting to go down, turning everything around them pink. Dave wondered if Terezi knew that.

“I can smell it,” Terezi answered from his shoulder. “Smells like strawberry macaroons.”

Dave’s chest started to go tight when he realized what was happening.

_Fuck. I haven’t properly talked to this girl for literal months and the truth is, I’ve been avoiding her – really, I kind of have even if I don’t know why – and now she’s come after me even though I’ve been acting like an ass and she’s gone out of her way to take me on a romantic date to the beach to watch the sun set, and –_

He stood up, not wanting Terezi to have to bear witness to any more of that train of thought before it inevitably slammed itself into an embarrassing brick wall. Terezi’s arm was shaken out of his.

Even though he knew he was fooling himself – _the girl just showed you she can read a person’s mind from a mile away, what are you thinking_ – he took off down the beach away from her, hands in his pockets. His stomach felt like it had dropped fifty feet.

 

After a moment, Terezi followed. He slowed his footsteps to let her catch up with him in a jog, letting his thoughts clear somewhat, and the two of them walked side by side. Birds were swooping, silhouetted, over the last remaining slice of orange sun.

“Hey, Dave,” Terezi said. “What are you thinking about?”

“Why are you asking me? You already know.” He wondered if that was a hint of bitterness he picked up there, in his own voice.

As usual, Terezi wasn’t bothered by it. "Yeah," she said. "You’re thinking about your brother."

Dave didn’t say anything more for a while, so Terezi spoke instead. “What actually happened with him over the holidays? You never told me.”

Trying to think of a way to put it that wouldn’t lead to the long, heartfelt lecture on child abuse that he had already received four times since arriving back, Dave chewed his lip. Eventually, he said: “He’s just… not very good at raising a child. I don’t know who allowed him to adopt a baby or what they were smoking that made them think it was a good idea, but he’s very good at abuse-level smackdowns and not very good at, uh, anything else. Like birthdays or meals or holding a basic civil conversation without katanas being involved. Really I should get a medal or something because I practically raised myself.”

“Huh. Sorry, but I’m gonna have to agree with Karkat on this one,” Terezi said, a frown creasing up her features. “He sounds like a raging asshole.”

“Don’t go feeling too sorry for me,” Dave snorted, wishing they could talk about something else and then hoping Terezi somehow missed that rude thought passing through his brain. “You’ll turn into Rose. She likes to psychoanalyze how my every character fault must stem from not getting enough hugs from him.”

“Poor Dave,” Terezi said softly, slowing the both of them to a stop. “I’m sorry. My guardian has been bedridden and blind since I was born.”

“Fuck,” Dave said, feeling terrible that he had never asked. “Damn. I’m sorry too.”

“That’s okay,” Terezi said, coming forward to loop her hands around his neck. “She’s the one who taught me how to read braille after I lost my sight. You should meet her sometime. I think she’d like you.”

 

To both of their surprise, Dave turned his face away when she tried to kiss him. The sun had gone completely below the horizon now.

“Let’s go back,” he said, feeling sick to his stomach and refusing to meet her eyes. “It’s getting kind of late.”

 

 

When he got back to his room, John and Karkat were both in there, still watching some fucking movie.

“Dave,” Karkat said, looking up when he entered. He seemed to have recovered from whatever strange mood he had been in earlier in Dave’s absence. “Perfect timing. Come over here and back me up on the fact that Adam Sandler’s crude humor totally ruins any narrative potential that 50 First Dates may have had – ”

Both boys made noises of surprise when Dave ignored them, and instead flash-stepped off to be alone.

He scoured the school until he found the one place where he suspected no one would bother him – the ballroom – and he stood by the domed window watching the grey sea churn below. It was night now. There were two fuchsia spots on the roiling water from where the moons were suspended overhead.

 _Why is this sea moving,_ Dave wondered, too tired to rein in his own thoughts. _The tides back home are controlled by the moon, right? So is this moon’s sea controlled by the planet it orbits, then? Or the other two moons? Does it make a difference if there are two moons? You’d think it would cancel out. Maybe it just follows the bigger one._

_This must be a sign that I should pay more attention in science class. I’ll ask the Psiioniic next time I see him. I bet he’d know._

He spun round at the sound of footsteps.

Whoever it was stopped in the doorway when they saw his defensive stance.

_Mess of black hair, average height, stocky build but hunched posture –_

_Oh, it’s just…_

Exhaling, Dave turned back to the window.

 

After a while, Karkat tentatively came over and stood next to him, arms tightly folded. They were silent.

 

 

“Hey, Karkat,” Dave said, not trying to disguise how he was still completely caught up in his own thoughts even as he spoke. “The first night after we arrived here, you were out in the woods by yourself, crying.” He paused, and then looked over. “Why was that?”

The question seemed to surprise Karkat. _No wonder. I bet he didn’t even know I was watching him that time._

“My dad died,” he said eventually. “The day before I first left to come here. It’s why I had to stay with Gamzee over the holidays. I don’t really have anyone else.”

“Oh, shit,” was all Dave could say, feeling like the world's most selfish asshole for the second time in an hour. “Sorry.”

“Yeah. Anyway. How was your…” Karkat cleared his throat, tried again. “Did you have a good time with Terezi?”

“I’m not sure.” Dave was surprised by that answer, but it wasn't entirely untrue so he didn’t take it back. “She really likes a lot of sprinkles on her ice cream, huh.”

At that, Karkat snorted unattractively. “Uh, yeah, you can say that again.  When we first met she tried to order the most disgusting abomination of a sundae. I refused point-blank to take it out to her until dad made me. It was a disaster, she insisted on having bananas and Cheetos and cherry syrup all over the top. I cussed her out so bad that another customer complained, and dad forced me to go out and apologize. And after I apologized she gave me her number.” He groaned, low. “Urgh, on second thoughts, let’s not talk about Terezi anymore. Remembering this stuff is like getting a drill bit through the heart.”

“You’re the one who brought her up.”

“Yeah, well. Whatever.”

Dave tried to lighten the conversation. “At least you’re talking to one another like normal people again. Remember the beginning of last semester? The two of you trapped me in the middle of your screaming argument like an innocent fly in a sticky web of romantic entanglement.”

“You, innocent?” Karkat laughed abruptly. “I think the fuck _not.”_

“I was!” Dave protested. “You accused me of getting down and dirty with a girl I had just met the day before when all I was doing was playing her my mixtape. Everything was above board and chaste but wouldn’t you believe I got the patented Vantas dressing-down anyway.”

 

He had intended to make Karkat laugh, but now the other boy just looked guilty. _Oh fuck, Karkat, come on, you don’t need to take everything so seriously –_

“I’m sorry,” Karkat said without warning, and the sincerity of the words kind of threw Dave. He went on; “I flew off the handle at you all the time and it probably wasn’t fair. I was kind of angry that you had only just showed up but Terezi already liked you better than me.” He shrugged one shoulder, mouth getting all twisted up. “Also, I was sixteen. And sixteen-year-old Karkat was just kind of a dirtbag.”

“Haha yeah.” Dave didn’t even hesitate to agree. But it did feel a little unfair to let Karkat apologize all by himself when Dave knew he hadn’t exactly been the easiest of customers to deal with, so he added: “But man, you can’t deny that I was wallowing in that dumb insecurity cesspit along with you. Back then I was so obsessed with seeming chill and having irony levels that were off the charts that I may have neglected to, uh, not be an asshole to people I had just met.”

Karkat nodded. “Yeah, I won’t say the whole coolkid thing didn’t play a big part in fanning the flames of my initial hatred.”

Startled, Dave looked over at him. He discovered a moonlit face with a smirk on it. “Wait, what are you talking about? You mean you don’t think I’m cool anymore?”

Karkat shot him a pointed look. “Dave. I got to know you.”

“Wow, fuck you.”

Karkat laughed, and then turned away from the window. “Anyway,” he said, “we should both probably be heading back up to the East Wing. It gets freezing in this room at night. I guess because the sea is so close, and these dumb old-fashioned walls are so flimsy.”

“Oh, yeah,” Dave said. He hadn’t even noticed. “You’re right. Let’s go, I guess.”

“And are you or are you not going to help me prove to John that Adam Sandler is the most incompetent filmmaker that the Western world has ever managed to expel from its fetid excretory system?” Karkat fell into step beside him as they left the room, and Dave couldn’t help but be surprised at the fact they were practically the same height now. _Well damn. Maybe Rose was right about that growth spurt after all._

He shrugged, a little smile coming onto his face that made Karkat smile too. “How else would I spend a Saturday?”

 


	14. Chapter 14

“Hey, Slick,” Dave said one rainy afternoon during a particularly boring game of cards.  “How did you end up working in this place, anyway?”

The older man looked up from where he had been glaring daggers at the shitty hand he had been dealt. ”Why’re you pokin’ your nose into my business suddenly?” he asked suspiciously. “Tryin’ to distract me? It won’t work.”

 

Dave looked over his own hand, mind only half on the game. Really, he had no earthly clue how to play cards, but that wasn’t going to stop him from looking cool and suave and finally putting the pokerface he permanently wore to some good use.

Besides, he was pretty sure Karkat and Slick had no idea how to play cards, either. If there were any rules here, they were being made up as they went along. The three of them were only playing because, as Slick put it, “There’s nothing else to do in this Damn Place.” 

 

“No. I was just wondering, I guess,” Dave said. Then he performed a subtle yawn-lean to try and to sneak a look at Karkat’s hand next to him. He had promised not to use his time powers to cheat, and he was keeping to that promise, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t cheat the old-fashioned way. “It’s not like you’d exactly be able to apply by dropping off a resume at the front desk,” he added, “this place is in a different fucking solar system.”

Karkat leaned away, looking at him funny and drawing his cards close to his chest.  _Damn it._

“Apply? Don’t make me laugh.” Slick laughed anyway, laying down a pair of queens and then raising an eyebrow like he had done something impressive.  _Maybe he did, fuck if I know._ The other eyebrow stayed down, immobilized by the scar that divided the left side of his face. “If I could quit this gig then trust me, you’d be spared from seeing my ugly mug before your next miserable heartbeat.”

“Well why don’t you? The portals are free game, me and TZ can confirm that, you could hightail it out of here without looking back if you really wanted to.” Dave paused, feeling a twinge from Karkat beside him.  _Huh. That isn’t the… usual twinge that happens when I mention Terezi._  “I’m gonna, uh, raise, by the way.”

“Kid, you think I could leave, just like that? Think again.” Slick scoffed at him. “Let’s just say I owe Scratch a debt. One I gotta pay off one way or another. And if he wants me workin’ here, drivin’ the buses? Then I work here, I drive the damn buses. Hate the motherfucker with everything I got in me but I sure ain’t going against him anytime soon. Tried that once. Wasn’t my wisest move, but then, I ain’t a wise man.” Without looking up from his cards, he jerked a finger towards the scar, as if that needed any clarifying.

 

 _I guess that makes sense._ But then Dave thought about the other staff working at the school who didn’t seem to have any powers. Droog, dubiously Italian, Slick’s right-hand man and owner of far too many Bing Crosby records. Deuce, too, the dim-witted little math teacher and ineffectual head of the South Wing. Then there was Boxcars, the gym teacher, a man built like a brick shithouse and who smelled about as good, the dreaded Snowman, and, of course, Ms Paint.

“And the other guys?” Dave asked. “What about them?”

Slick shrugged. “What, y’mean Deuce, Droog and Boxcars? They’re my gang, obviously, where I go, they go. They’d follow me as far as the green fuckin’ moon.”

Dave suddenly felt very stupid for only now realizing those obviously weren’t their real names. “…And Snowman and Ms Paint? Are they in your gang, too?”

“Naw. Never seen ‘em before in my life. Fine lookin’ pair a broads, though.”

“Don’t call them broads,” Karkat said as he lay down a card. “It’s disrespectful.”

“Okay, sheesh, fine,  _ladies._  Whatever, my point still fuckin’ stands.” Slick squinted at him. “And hey, what’s up with you, squirt? You’ve hardly said a word all game, and you’re usually a mouthy little shit.”

 

Like someone had flipped a switch, Karkat slammed his hands down on the table, scattering jacks and queens everywhere.

“I’m sorry?” he snapped. “Are you having trouble remembering what happened not three hours ago? I’d be happy to remind you. Which part are you having trouble remembering? Is it the part where you raced through the streets of Japan in a school bus not designed to go over fifty like _demons from hell_ were on your tail while me and Dave hung on for our _dear but miserable lives_? Because I sure remember it! It’s still flashing before my eyes, in fact!”

Slick snickered at the remembrance. “Hey, you two are the ones who volunteered to help me out on the weekly supply run.”

“When we agreed to do it we didn’t know we would almost get charged with several felonies!”

“Pansy. A little fast driving never hurt anyone.”

“Uh, James Dean? Grace Kelly?  _Princess Diana?_ ” Karkat vainly tried to gather together his cards, even though Dave had well and truly memorized every last one by now. _“_ Also, I wasn’t talking about the speeding, I was talking about the part where you stole everything even though we had more than enough money to pay for it.”

“Never had trouble pulling it off before.” Slick sniffed, rubbing his crooked nose. “If  _you_  hadn’t insisted on going back to leave the cash then we wouldn’t’ve nearly got in so much shit.”

“He’s right, you know, Karkat,” Dave said. “This is mostly your fault.”

Incensed, Karkat grabbed the front of his shirt and shook him while he tried not to crack up. “And you can shut up! You were no help, laughing your scrawny ass off at every turn – ”

 

_Bam._

In accordance with their shared fears, Snowman materialized in the doorway, glaring at the scene unfolding in her own office as the door recoiled on its hinges. “Boys. Be quiet. This is detention, not a mothers’ meeting.”

 

After holding her gaze for a long time, Slick leaned his chair back and grinned nastily.

“Yeah, the dame is right.” He turned his head to address the two boys. “Stopper your mouths and focus on the game.”

Snowman wasn’t having any of it. “You were included in that general address, Jack. Is it necessary to remind you that you are in detention too?”

“Aw, bullshit, you can’t put me in detention, I’m forty-two.”

“Language,” Snowman reprimanded. “And I can, and will, and have. You know, that’s the third school bus you’ve crashed in under a year.”

“Maybe they should make ‘em out of tougher stuff.” Slick leered briefly. “Like whatever you’re made of, for instance.”

 

 _Fuck, Snowman is_ not _a small woman,_ Dave realized as she moved to loom over their table, glaring down at Slick with narrow catlike eyes.  _And Slick is not that large of a man._

 

With one brisk motion, Snowman collected up all the cards, despite Slick’s noise of protest. She tucked them swiftly into the sleeve of her coat. “Just for that you’ve earned yourself an extra three hours,” she told him. Then she headed for the door again, clearly eager to get them out of her sight.

But Slick wasn’t going to let it go. “Any time spent with you is time well spent if you ask me.”

Snowman snorted, barely faltering. “Don’t get any illusions. The only company you’ll be enjoying is a number stamp and a stack of papers.”

Her hand closed around the doorknob.

 

“Snowman!”

 

Dave was surprised to realize that call came from him.

Snowman had turned to face him, eyes narrowed. She wasn’t leaving now, though, so it looked like Dave’s plan had worked. _And what a stellar fucking plan it is. Here’s how it goes: Step one. Yell. Step two. …Some answers? For once? Maybe?_

“I’m known as  _Vice Principal_ to anyone who’s a frequenter of my office, Strider,” Snowman said, still stopped, still glaring, “and that you are.”

“Right, sorry. It’s just, you’re a human, correct?”

Anyone less tough than Snowman would’ve looked affronted. “I beg your pardon?”

“I mean, you don’t have superpowers, right, so how did you end up here? How do you know Scratch?” During the pause, Dave was nearly disintegrated by a pair of black eyes, so he changed tack. “Were you raised here, too, like the teachers? The Handmaid told me everything.”

That seemed to amuse her. “Did she now?”

And then she turned away, the tall collar of her coat hiding her face. “I’m not obliged to tell you any personal information, Strider, and I don’t think I will.”

 

“Don’t you dare leave.” Dave was on his feet now, anxious that she would walk away again and disintegrate into nothingness like she always did whenever he actually wanted to see her, and Karkat was right by his side.

“Where is Scratch?” Dave said urgently. “I want to talk to him.”

“Why?”

“He killed two of his own employees,” Karkat snapped, stealing Dave’s reply right out of his mouth. “You tell _me_ why we’d want to talk to him after that, because I’m having doubts myself.”

“He’s a harsh teacher, but that’s what makes him so excellent in drawing the best out of people.”

“I think ‘tough love’ is a bit of an understatement when it comes to vaporizing members of your staff,” Dave pointed out. “Contrary to popular belief, you can’t improve when you’re dead.”

Snowman gave him a strange look. “The staff? And what do they matter?  _You’re_ the ones he’s teaching, and you’re fine, aren’t you?”

“That’s not what I – Look, I’m not going to talk to him through you. Where is he?”

She propped herself against the door, one sharp hip protruding knifelike.

“He’s in his office, of course,” she said. “Where else would he be?”

 

It was clear she could tell Dave was going to say something more, so she cut him down pre-emptively. “But he’s not taking visitors right now.”

Then she leant closer, towards Dave, by just a fraction, revealing an arched eyebrow from under the brim of her black hat. “If you want my informed opinion, I would suggest you give it up. It’s not time for you to face him yet.” The eyebrow lowered. “You’re not ready.”

“But – ” it could’ve been him or Karkat who said that.

 _But,_ her stance made it clear the conversation was over. “Twenty minutes left until you boys can leave. Jack, make yourself comfortable, because you’re in here for the rest of the evening.”

 

Slick let out a sarcastic whoop of joy, but Snowman didn’t stick around to hear it.

When Dave rushed to the door with a little help from his time powers, he found her gone from the corridor, gone from the wing, gone from anywhere in the whole school he could think of to search. It was like she really had disintegrated.

_Motherfuck._

 

 

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] opened group discussion titled "ship: TOTALLY JUST PLATONIC BROS" on board SKAIANET.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] opened discussion to ALL SKAIANET USERS except turntechGodhead [TG] and carcinoGeneticist [CG]

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to discussion.  
EB: i’m sorry, roxy. you know i am usually pretty open to your crazy theories!  
EB: but this one?  
EB: my informed opinion says there is just no WAY!  
twinArmageddons [TA] responded to discussion.  
TA: yeah ii’m goiing two 2econd EB on thii2 one actually.  
TG: wait just hear me out!!!  
TG: we have to be open to all ship possibilities no matter how crazy  
TG: thats just how these threads work  
TG: cant discount a potential ship just bcus one party already has romantic ties  
TG: or bcus theyve loudly hated each other since their first meetig  
TG: right meulin???  
avidCarnivore [AC] responded to discussion.  
AC:（ง ^Φ Д Φ^）ง < RIGHT!!!!!!  
TG: girl no need to yell  
TG: could hear that from the next room over  
AC: ( ^ↀДↀ^)✧ < OH NO SORRY!!!!!!  
TG: haha  
TG: jk jk ;3  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to discussion.  
GC: >:/  
GC: DON’T YOU TH1NK TH1S 1S 4 L1TTL3 1NS3NS1T1V3???  
GC: 3SP3C14LLY S1NC3 D4V3 4ND 1 H4V3 B33N H4V1NG SOM3 R3L4T1ONSH1P TROUBL3S R3C3NTLY  
TG: oh gooooood terezi!!  
TG: really??  
TG: im SO sorry  
TG: i didnt know :(  
TG: yeesh  
TG: and dont i deservingly feel like the worlds biggest asshole now  
TG: might as well be on show at ripleys believe it or not  
TG: like step right up here she is!!! the biggest in the whole world!! none bigger!! the #1 insensitive fuck whose one talent is typig before she thinks!!  
TG: im super duper sorry dude ill take the thread down ASAP  
TG: :'(  
GC: 1M JUST FUCK1NG W1TH YOU 1 TOT4LLY DON’T C4R3  
GC: YOU DO TH1S FOR L1T3R4LLY 3V3RYON3  
TG: oh  
GC: TH3R3 W4S 3V3N ON3 FOR M3 4ND G4MZ33 4 F3W MONTHS B4CK?  
GC: WH1CH PROV3S HOW MUCH OF 4 JOK3 TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG 1S  
GC: S1NC3 MY L1F3S M1SS1ON 1S OBV1OUSLY TO W1P3 TH4T CLOWN OFF TH3 F4C3 OF TH3 UN1V3RS3  
GC: W1TH NOT 3V3N 4 WH1FF OF H4T3M4NC3 1N S1GHT 1N TH4T ST4T3M3NT 1 SW34R  
terminallyCapricious [TC] responded to discussion.  
TC: :o)  
TG banned TC from responding to discussion.  
TG: sorry gamzee  
TG: no gamzees allowed  
TG: not after what happened last time  
GC: 4ND 4NYW4Y 1F W3R3 B31NG 4BOLUT3LY HON3ST H3R3  
GC: 1D H4V3 TO B3 BL1ND NOT TO S33 TH1S ON3 COM1NG.  
TA: heh.  
TG: (sollux!!!!!)  
TA: (2orry.)  
GC: 1 C4N ST1LL H34R YOU 3V3N 1F YOU SP34K 1N BR4CK3TS YOU DORKS.  
TG: (whoops)  
TA: (bu2ted)  
GC: BUT R3G4RDL3SS 1 TH1NK 1LL SP4R3 MYS3LF TH3 H34RT4CH3 4ND B4N MYS3LF FROM TH3 THR34D 1F YOU DON’T M1ND  
TG: uh  
TG: not at all  
TG: :(  
GC: TH4NKS  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] banned herself from responding to discussion.  
TA: man.  
TA: what a dampener.  
gardenGnostic responded to discussion.  
GG: i can kind of see it now you mention it!  
TG: huh?  
GG: dave and karkat you silly!!!!  
GG: the topic this whole thread was supposed to be about in the first place  
GG: :/  
TG: oh yeah!!  
TG: that was what i was going to say  
TG: has anyone else noticed that they have been hanging out a hell of a lot recently?  
EB: oh come on!  
EB: that is just because they are bros.  
EB: it is normal. they like to watch movies together.  
EB: just like how i like to hang out with you even though we are not married or planning on getting married or anything!  
TG: (a change to that status can be arranged thoooo)  
EB: …  
TG: haha jk  
TG: ;)  
TG: anyway  
TG: we all knew that even when they were fighting secretly deep down they liked each other  
TG: but now they are not even pretending not to not like each other!  
TG: it is GOOD for both of them and i am just glad my son is happy  
TA: …2on?  
TG: metaphorical!  
TG: and honestly  
TG: even if they are just friends  
TG: i think its……  
GG: …sort of sweet? :D  
TG: exactly!  
TG: i am STOKED to see this level of platonic love and support and thats what these threads are all about when you get down to it  
TG: friendly love between friendly friends  
GG: <3  
arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to discussion.  
AG: Hah, I don’t know a8out THAT.  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to discussion.  
GA: Oh Here She Comes  
GG: :O  
TG: !!!!  
AG: Um, and just what is that supposed to mean?  
AG: Kanaya????????  
GA: Just That I Have Been Lurking In Chat Waiting For The Inevitable Event That Is The Intervention Of The All Knowing Seer Of Relationships  
GA: And Here She Appears No More Than Eighty Five Lines In To Deliver Her Doctrine  
GA: And Some Of Those Lines Were Emojis And Stuff Too  
GA: So In Probability Its Even Less  
TG: lol what  
AG: Seer of Rel8tionships?  
AG: W8, has Terezi 8een talking to you a8out us????????  
AG: She has, hasn’t she. That little snitch!  
GA: It Is Frankly None Of Your Business Who I Have and Have Not Been Talking To And Also Who Terezi Has And Has Not Been Talking To Or Additionally How If At All The Circles Representing Those Categories Would Intersect On A Venn Diagram  
GA: Anyway You Were About To Deliver Some Prime Beef Over Dave and Karkat Werent You  
GA: Lets Get Back To That  
AG: You never could resist 8utting into other people’s relationships. It’s kind of your 8read and 8UTTer, I guess!  
AG: No wonder Terezi would go straight to you when she needed someone to listen to her whining.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to discussion.  
TT: In all fairness, Vriska, I don’t think expressing concern for a friend who is unhealthily engaged in an escalating series of feuds is considered ‘butting into’ that person’s relationship.  
TT: That’s simply called being a good friend.  
TT: Or, a decent person.  
TT: A concept that I recognize may be unfamiliar to you.  
AG: Good jo8 riding in on a white horse to rescue your qu8king girlfriend, Lalonde!  
AG: Too 8ad no8ody cares a8out your 8oring, 8oring opinion!!!!!!!!  
GA: Last Week You Sent Terezi A Virus That Destroyed Half Her Files Including Several Cherished Pictures Of Her Adoptive Mother And A Completed History Essay Due For The Next Day And Naturally As Any Person Would Be She Was Very Upset  
GA: Especially When The Condesce Didnt Believe Her Story And Made Her Rewrite The Whole Thing From Scratch  
AG: It’s called a RIVALRY. And I wouldn’t expect YOU to get it!  
AG: You know, since it’s actually exciting and dramatic and stuff? ::::)  
AG: Tooooooootally the opposite of em8roidery.  
TT: I think Kanaya knows as well as anyone that your selected courtship rituals prove twisted and destructive for both parties more often than not.  
TG: ENOUGH  
TG banned AG from responding to discussion.  
TG banned GA from responding to discussion.  
TG banned TT from responding to discussion.  
TG: THIS THREAD IS NOT FOR OFF-TOPIC ARGUMENTS  
TG: take that shit to the scourge sisters chat  
TG: also sorry rose :(  
TG: oh wait  
TG unbanned AG from responding to discussion.  
TG: you have one message to explain what you were gonna say about dave and karkat  
TG: go  
AG: Urgh. I walked into Dave’s 8edroom looking for John and I was forced to witness those two dorks there cuddled up together like thirteen year olds too nervous to even get to first 8ase. I think Karkat must have fallen asleep with his head in Dave’s lap or something because Dave looked like he was a8out near to explode from anxi8ty. What8ver. They’re 8oth L8ME and I really couldn’t give less of a crap to 8e honest.  
AG: Also, 8y the way, this whole thread-8anning thing is total HORSESHIT, and you WILL 8e hearing from my lawyer.  
TG: whoops that was two messages there  
TG: illegal move! go back to jail  
TG banned AG from responding to discussion.  
TG: do not pass go  
TG: do not collect 200 dollars  
TG: :(  
GG: i saw the two of them holding hands on the back lawn  
GG: although when I went outside to say hey it turned out they were just taking a break in the middle of thumb wrestling match…  
GG: which sounds like an excuse now that i think about it!  
GG: but i also actually wouldnt put it past those two either.  
GG: hmmmmm……  
GG: oh! and also earlier today when karkat was being sick after that whole bus thing with slick, dave sat next to the toilet and rubbed his back the whole time!  
TG: see  
TG: THIS is the kinda shit im talking about  
TG: the really gooey sappy good stuff!  
TG: nice work jade  
GG: :D  
TA: uurgh that remiind2 me.  
TA: ye2terday KK got back two our room and wa2 all kiind2 of gu2hiing over 2omethiing Dave had 2aiid  
TA: liike he wa2 tryiing two pretend he wa2n’t gu2hiing, but beliieve me he wa2 liike a hexagonal fruiit 2nack manufactured by Betty Crocker.  
TA: dave compliimented hiis haiir or 2omethiing ii gue22, who even fuckiing know2.  
arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to discussion.  
AC: :33 < me and sollux walked in on them snuggling on the couch in the common room once!  
adiosToreador [AT] responded to discussion.  
AT: iT’S TRUE,  
AT: tHEY WERE, wORRYINGLY CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER, wATCHING THAT MOVIE THAT HAS WILL SMITH’S KID IN IT,  
AT: bY WHICH I MEAN THE ONE, wHO ISN’T, uH, wILLOW,  
AT: aNYWAY,  
AT: i CAN CONFIRM THIS,,,  
AT: tHIS,, uHH,,, “sHIP”, aS YOU CALLED IT,  
TG: looks like we have a case on our hands!  
TG: the thread stays up  
AC: ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡ < LOVE WINS ONCE AGAIN!  
AC: ╮(￣ω￣;)╭ < OR… FRIENDSHIP?  
terminallyCapricious [TC] responded to discussion.  
TC: YoU kNoW, i SuRe Am wIcKeD gLaD eVeRyOnE bE gEtTiNg ThEiR fRiEnDlY oN aLl uP iN tHiS mYsTiCaL mAgIcAl MoOn ScHoOl. KaRbRo InClUdEd.  
TC: mAkEs A bRoThEr’S hEaRt FeEl ReAl BiG.  
TG: JuSt FuLl To ThE bRiM oF tHoSe InSaNe LiTtLe MiRaClEs ThAt LiFe CaN bRiNg.  
TC: i’M nEaR rEaDy To MoThErFuCkIN bUrSt OvEr HeRe!  
TC: :o)  
TG: how did you get back in???  
TG: sorry dude  
TG: the rule remember  
TG banned TC from responding to discussion.  
augursArrival [AA] responded to discussion.  
AA: あなたはすべて騒々しい雌犬です、私は情熱を持ってあなたが嫌いです。  
TG: i think that was damara saying how much she loves all of us and cherishes our friendship!  
TG: but i guess we will never know for sure.

crownedCouture [CC] responded to discussion.  
CC: damn can yall shut up

 

 

Life had to go on as normal. Classes were taught, homework was set, tests were graded, even if the teachers looked haggard and smiled less. Quite a lot of the time, Dave contemplated getting everyone together and just leaving, walking out of the portals and not looking back, but something compelled him to stay. Or rather, told him that leaving would be useless in the end.

Instead, he recruited Karkat to help him go turn the cows loose onto school grounds again, his default therapy. This time the distraction didn’t work nearly as well, and the only punishment that came out of it was the Disciple posting a flier on the noticeboard that said, ‘Whoever keeps letting the moobeasts out of their field, please stop!’

_Moobeasts. I guess she wouldn’t know they’re called cows. She’s only been to Earth, like, one time._

_This is depressing._

 

In the evenings, just before sunset, Dave would go out to one of furthest parts of the green moon’s landscape he could reach, and practice using his newfound power. He would wait until the sun dropped just below the horizon, then concentrate and focus until he could _scratch_ time like it was a record and he was the needle – and when he opened his eyes the sun would be above the horizon again. And he could make it drop as many times as he wanted, resetting its journey, again and again.

He still stayed away from people when he did it, though. He didn’t want to think about what might happen if he got other people involved in this thing.

 

 

 

“It’s no use, she’s already tried it. She says she can’t get in.”

It was a drowsy mid-afternoon break between Geography and Gym. Dave was in the library, sitting backwards on a chair, chin propped on his hand, listening to a podcast about old Hollywood movies but not really listening, and opposite him was Rose and Kanaya, both working on separate essays. Kanaya’s head was on Rose’s shoulder, not optimal for writing purposes, but she was managing it through the magic of telekinesis. The topic of discussion had been Jade’s attempts to teleport into Scratch’s office for a while now.

“I don’t get it, we’ve been _in_ there before,” Dave said, frowning down at his own essay that was having the audacity to not get written while he was busy talking. “Usually as long as she can picture the place, it’s as easy as teleportation pie to get in there.”

Rose shrugged in a way that considerately didn’t jostle Kanaya. “Well, not this time.”

“Must be some more of Scratch’s fuckery,” Dave muttered, twiddling his pen between his fingers. “Protection magic, or whatever. Just don’t see why he let us in the first time.”

“Oh, rest assured, whatever the reason, it was all part of his _grand plan.”_ Rose set down her pencil, moving her hand to reveal that she had actually been just studiously doodling flowers on a spare piece of notebook paper. “As it always is.”

 

Dave blew out his breath, fiddling with his earbud. As was the general trend lately, he was groggy and incapable of focussing on anything for long. The nightmares were taking their toll on him. And it didn’t help that the library was a dusty, warm room in the top of the East Wing, where everything was muffled and drowsy and covered in either cobwebs or a tasteful floral throw.

Opposite, Kanaya nabbed her fountain pen from the air where it was linelessly writing by itself and licked the nib to get it working again. She grimaced when her tongue was stained blue from the ink. “Bleh.”

 _Dork,_ Dave thought, then stared back down at his own work, only to jump when something touched him. Looking up, he found Rose had reached across the oak desk to gently touch his cheek.

 

Her hand retreated. “Hey. Your eye bruise is completely gone at last,” she said quietly. “I thought it was never going to go, considering the frankly worrying amount of time it was taking to heal.”

“How can you tell? With the glasses on?” Kanaya squinted across at Dave, who grinned and waggled his eyebrows at her, making his shades jump up and down on his nose.

Rose snorted. “Oh please.”

“I’m just a slow healer, always have been,” Dave answered in response to Rose’s first comment, ignoring the jab at his sunglasses. _Like I haven’t heard enough of those to last me a lifetime._ “It’s like my body is made out of paper mache and toothpicks. I just don’t knit back together all that easy.”

“Could it be the persistent sustained trauma?” Rose said smoothly, not looking up from the page. “Damaged nerves given no time to repair before the next beating, and subsequently suffering damage permanent enough to make future healing near impossible?”

“Uh. Maybe.” Despite the fact that Dave wanted to squirm, he knew now that the best response was just not to deny it. _I mean it’s not like it’s wrong or anything. Just an unwelcome truth._

And, like he had expected, Rose seemed satisfied. “Maybe indeed.” _Damn if this doesn’t feel like a meeting with my therapist._

_Not that I have one of those. Not that I need one of those._

_Not with Rose around, anyway._

 

“Dave, if you don’t mind me asking,” Kanaya said, raising her head up from Rose’s shoulder to the other girl’s obvious disappointment, “Why do you wear those sunglasses all the time? I thought it was something to do with your eyes, but then I have seen you without them before, like on your movie nights, and it didn’t seem like it was causing you any problems.”

Rose looked at him, eyebrows raised. _And the therapy session continues._ Dave sighed. “I’m just used to them by now. No deeper reason, really. I take them off when it’s too dark or if I’m gonna sleep or if I just forget to wear them.”

“No deeper reason?” Rose said innocently. “There are several branches of psychology that would disagree with _that_ statement on sight.”

He shot her a _look._ “It’s to protect my eyes.”

“From sharp objects? Forged in Japan only to be swung around a small Houston apartment at alarming speeds and without much prior warning?” Rose said, and even though she was serious, there was a little hint of teasing in her voice. Dave picked up on it, and rolled his eyes.

“Yep. Not to mention in the direction of a hapless toddler.”

“What an environment that must’ve been to grow up in. I imagine it’d be enough to make a person jittery, especially if said person were to develop powers that allowed them to slow down time and, in doing so, provide infinite food for their fairly reasonable paranoia fetish.”

 

Someone somewhere hidden in the depths of the bookshelves called for them to shut up. Instead, Dave shot back.

“Oh, like you can talk, Rose. You were sneaking around the house like a foetal Swiper as soon as you were old enough to figure out that Mom had the uncanny ability to melt into corners and catch you doing shit you weren’t supposed to just so she had a justification to pull the whole ‘not mad, just disappointed’ routine.” Abandoning his essay as a lost cause, he leaned forwards over the back of the chair to grin at his sister. _Well well, Lalonde. How the turntables._ “Say, what was it like, Rose, growing up in a house where you had to tiptoe around on the tenderest of hooks? ‘Cause I can’t even imagine.”

His sister twisted her mouth. “It’s _tenter_ hooks, Dave. Tenterhooks.”

“Is that avoidance I smell?” Dave laughed. “What delicious irony that it’s coming from your direction.”

There was a pause, and then Rose let out a sigh and smiled wryly at him, eyebrows raised high. _That’s your own medicine, sis, how does it taste?_ “You know what? Touché. I’ll agree to drop the psychoanalysis for now.” _Wow, bad, it looks like._

“Oh, don’t make me quote _you_ back at you. ‘If we don’t talk about this now, we’ll never talk about it’, what happened to that?”

“Well Dave, there’s a time and place for everything, and call me old-fashioned but discussing my traumatic upbringing by my chronically distant mother is a task best left to an occasion when I’m not on a date with my girlfriend.” She turned her head to kiss Kanaya on the cheek, and said to her, “Although, if anyone could make that fun, it would be you.”

 

Dave froze, looking between the two of them. “Wait, this was a date!? Oh, fuck. I’m sorry. I. I really had no idea.” Guilty, he locked eyes with Kanaya, who was smiling at him like his horror was kind of exasperatingly amusing. _Oh fuck, now that you mention it, her sweater-and-earrings combo looks even more expensive than usual today._ “Sorry, Kanaya.”

“It’s quite alright,” she said politely.

Rose looked at her, dubious. “Is it?”

Kanaya smiled. “Yes. I like listening to the two of you talk. Especially about things that it’s clear you really do need to talk about. Like your guardians.”

That earned her a look from Rose that was somehow both scathing and fond. “It’s _fascinating_ to me that you both seem to think I need to talk about Mom.”

“Yeah, come on, Rose, let’s talk about Mom some more,” Dave suggested, already over feeling bad about crashing their date. “I feel like we’ve talked Bro out at this point. He crushed me, I got crushed, he probably shouldn’t have done that, and so, I’m not going back to him.”

“Well I’m very sorry for my concern,” Rose sniffed. “I’ll reel it in next time.”

Sensing that he was edging close to getting a lecture, Dave waved his hands in front of him. “Aw, naw, come on. Actually, I guess I kind of brought all this well-meaning interference upon myself, huh? After that disastrous thread it seems like everyone’s making it their business to fix my business.” He sunk down even lower, resting his chin on the desk. “Tavros even offered me his shoulder to cry on when I first got back, and just the sad image of that alone kind of made me want to cry more than anything that’s happened this year.”

 

Suddenly it seemed like something had occurred to Rose, judging by the wary glance that was passed between her and Kanaya. _Whoops, there I go, out of the loop again._

“What was that,” Dave said, suspicious.

“What was what?”

“That look, what was that.”

Rose exhaled. “Well. Actually.” She and Kanaya looked at each other again ( _Fuck, fucking – stop that – )_ and she must’ve got the go-ahead, because she said, “There’s one last thing I have to tell you about Bro.”

She waited for a nod from Dave, but got none, so she proceeded with caution. “…Dave. You don’t have to worry about him anymore. I get a feeling – not a vision, just a feeling – you’re not ever going back to him. One way or another. Last time you saw him, I think…” She paused, carefully eyeing his reaction. Apparently, he didn’t seem like he was going to snap, because she finished her sentence. “…I think it was the very last time.” Another pause. “Are you okay with that?”

 

 _I wonder._ Dave searched his feelings, but came up with nothing much. “I guess so. He’s not going to die or anything, is he?”

Rose half-laughed. “I never said _that_.” Then she touched her chin. “I suppose… I suppose I can simply complete destiny’s circle right here by asking if you’d like to come stay with me and mother next break.”

Dave tried not to let on what a relief that offer was to him. The homelessness situation had been a gnawing worry on the back of his mind for a while now. _Can’t go with Karkat, ‘cause he’s got no home either, and I haven’t got any other friends._ “Sounds good. Thanks.”

Wearing a satisfied smile, Rose sat back. “There, see? Now we know why it was the last time. Because you’ll be staying with me from now on. Aren’t future powers wonderful, and simple?”

In response, Dave just made a noncommittal noise.

 

After that the conversation was halted by Kanaya standing up to excuse herself, heading off to a telekinesis lesson now taught by the Summoner in the Dolorosa’s absence. Even though she seemed fairly content recently – mostly due to the burgeoning relationship with Rose, if Dave had to guess – it was clear that the deaths among the teachers had thoroughly shaken her up. If Rose was busy, Dave would often find her sitting alone in the medical bay, sewing in the empty spot beside the Dolorosa’s old chair like she always had.

Dave watched her go, tall form having to bend to get out of the little wooden entrance archway. He turned to speak to Rose and found her watching too, face wistful.

“Missing her already, huh?” he teased, putting his earbuds back in and switching over to listen to some music. He found it helped him focus when he had something on in the background to drown out the white noise.

Rose sighed and pushed the page of flower doodles away. “Like you’ll never know.”

Mock-hurt, Dave touched his chest like Rose had planted a sword there. “Ouch. No, I get it, unlovable Dave over here,” he added when she tried to protest. “I’ll step back, leave you ladies to your impossible-to-understand true love.”

 

After rolling her eyes, Rose blew her bangs out of her face and kept working. Head lowered under the pretence of scrolling through his music, Dave took a second to watch her.

_She looks healthier. Like she’s been drinking less and eating more. I bet Kanaya has been convincing her to eat properly. Those two…_

“Since you asked her out, it’s all been smooth sailing for the two of you, huh?” he said, the words escaping him before he had time to properly think about them.

Rose looked up. “Smooth sailing?”

“I mean the two of you just… get along. Obviously there’s a lot of crap that makes it difficult for you, but that’s like… visions or electric birds or alcoholism or whatever. Sorry – ” at her flinch, “ – but, I mean, like, when it comes down to it and it’s just the two of you, you just. Get along. Just like that. It’s weird.”

“Hm. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that.” Whoever it was on the other side of the shelves shushed them again, so Rose passive aggressively lowered her voice just the tiniest fraction. “I mean, we’ve had our fair share of stormy weather, Kanaya and I.”

“Yeah, but you don’t argue. Not like me and Karkat.”

Rose looked at him funny. _Fuck. Shit. Why did I say that, I wonder?_ "You and Karkat? What does that have to do with anything?"

“Just an example.” 

Even though Rose merely shrugged, he could tell that she was filing that reaction away to be pulled as evidence at a later date. _For god’s sake._ “Well, for your information, Kanaya and I used to argue quite a bit. Well, I don’t know if ‘argue’ is the right word… bicker, maybe? Disagree?”

This was news to Dave. “Oh bull fucking shit you did.”

“Yep. From the very first time we talked on Skaianet.” Now she just looked a bit ashamed. “Let’s just say we had… _differing interpretations_ of a shared favorite piece of media. And we weren’t afraid to vocalize those opinions at one another.”

“Um… what?” _Differing interpretations of a shared favorite piece of media?_ “Come on, Rose, you can’t just say something like that then leave me hanging.”

“It was my vampire phase,” was the only further explanation Rose would give.

“You mean, your entire life?” Dave paused, letting it process. “Wait, don’t tell me… Twilight? You and Kanaya used to argue over fucking Twilight?”

 

After that near-yell, the mystery person shushed them a third time, sounding like they were seconds away from coming over and knocking the twins’ heads together.

“You’re not the only one allowed to have ironic interests,” Rose said grimly, and then buried her face in her hands when Dave burst into hysterical laughter. “God, I shouldn’t have told you that. I need a drink.”

“No you don’t.”

“No, I don’t,” Rose agreed, waiting for him to stop laughing. “Hey, why don’t you go bother Karkat like usual?”

“He’s gone finger-painting with Gamzee or some shit. They always hang out on Fridays.”

Holding back a snigger, Rose regarded him with fake pity. “Oh dear, poor Dave, left all alone by your jilting mistress, I’m sorry.”

He snorted. “Nah, it’s not like I’m not going to see him tonight. We were planning on having a monopoly tournament, actually, you could come if you wanted.”

From Rose’s reaction, she couldn’t think of anything she wanted to do less. “No, I’ll leave you two to your own devices, I think.”

“Suit yourself. It’s always pretty hilarious when Karkat inevitably loses and starts throwing the fake money everywhere and complaining about the ruling class.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. He goes red as the manifesto.” Dave smiled at the memory. Instead of the expected argument, their last game of monopoly had ended in a sort of impromptu wrestling match when Dave had to stop Karkat from overturning the board with all the pieces still on it. “It’s adorable.”

Rose remained unconvinced. “I can’t say that sounds too adorable to me.”

“Just trust me on this, it’s cute as hell. In a gross way, like one of those hairless cats, but whatever. He is the sorest loser and he keeps the instruction leaflet next to him the whole time and quotes from it like it’s a holy book.”

“I see. I’ll stick with Kanaya as my chosen companion, thank you. Although I do appreciate you trying to upsell Karkat to me, it’s very sweet.”

If Rose was looking at Dave funny now, he didn’t notice, still snickering to himself over the memory.

 

Another distant hiss of annoyance finally prompted the two of them to properly shut up and stay that way, and so they worked in silence for a while. While Rose started getting some of her bibliography done, Dave was busy getting caught up in thinking so hard that he kept accidentally slowing down time, a fact that he was alerted to by Rose’s pen slowing to a near stop opposite.

_Come to think of it, I wonder what went wrong with Karkat and Terezi back when they were together? I can’t imagine what it would be like to date Karkat. What was it she said when they had that argument in the corridor, again, about him? I think she said he was jealous. And indecisive. And childish._

_Well, he’s changed a lot, I guess. We both have. Maybe it wouldn’t be like that anymore, if he were to date someone. Or maybe that was just with Terezi? I wonder what he’d be like dating someone else. Like…_

After a long moment of consideration, Dave asked, “Rose, would you date Karkat?”

Once she dragged her attention from her work, Rose looked honestly baffled. “I’m a lesbian, Dave.”

“Yeah, but if you weren’t.”

“Well that’s sort of a loaded question, don’t you think? There are a lot of hypotheticals involved here.”

Dave groaned. _Trust Rose to insist on taking a nuanced approach in a fucking gossip session._ “Come on, just, humor me for a minute.”

After looking over his face, Rose sighed, and then apparently set to considering it, eyes flicking up to the raftered ceiling.

“Hm. No. I don’t think I would,” she decided eventually. “He’s not really my type.”

 _Not your type?_ “Are you kidding me? Karkat is _great._ ”

 

There was a loud, angry set of footsteps, and Kankri appeared from behind one of the bookcases, his red sweater rolled up to his elbows, nearly speechless with indignation.

But not speechless enough.

“Excuse me, but I consider it very selfish to occupy a space meant for quiet learning, and then filling that space with distracting noise. You know, I have been _trying_ to read Foucault for over an hour now and I haven’t been able to get past the first page because every time I begin I am interrupted by being swamped with some rather _offensive_ discourse – ”

 

Once Kankri was done, twenty minutes later, and had retreated back to his corner of the library after claiming he was going to block them on every social media site he could think of, Dave leaned over to Rose, and whispered:

“See? They might share genetics, but Karkat would never do that.” _I can’t even get mad at Karkat’s lectures anymore because he’s just so damn passionate about either some inconsequential shit or on the warpath to defend other people’s feelings –_

“If you like him so much, why don’t _you_ date him?” Rose said lightly, rolling her eyes, but being careful to say it in an under-her-breath mutter to make sure Kankri didn’t come back.

“Maybe I will,” Dave answered before he even had much time to think about that response. And, before Rose could say anything else, he grabbed his backpack and was out of the room.

 

 

Later that evening, when the monopoly marathon was finished and the whole room scattered with brightly-colored fake money, Dave and Karkat settled down to watch _Maid in Manhattan_ for the fiftieth fucking time. They hung out in Karkat and Sollux’s room now, because John had started going to bed before midnight for some reason and Sollux was almost always away, presumably macking on Feferi or fixing someone’s netbook in exchange for snacks.

 

“This movie is shit,” Karkat realized aloud halfway through, sounding like a man who had just heard a thunderclap.

 

Dave looked over at him. They were sitting side by side on Karkat’s neatly-made bed, a spare blanket draped over their knees to protect them from the chill that came from living in Doc Scratch’s windy labyrinth house. Karkat had a bowl of Cheetos in his lap, and was wearing a big t-shirt and sweatpants, and there were still traces of white paint lingering on his brown face from his hangout session with Gamzee, in hard-to-reach and easy-to-miss spots like up in his hairline and on one side of the crook of his nose and just under the dip of his jawline where the bony masculine neck started. Dave was struck by how struck he was with the urge to lean over and rub it off with his thumb.  

Instead, he said, “You just now realized that?”

“No, I always knew it was garbage, it’s just – ” Karkat paused, looking slightly heartbroken, “it’s not even good garbage, is it?”

As much as he wanted to, Dave couldn’t lie to him. “Nope.”

“Why are we watching it, then?”

Dave shrugged. “Because you wanted to.” That made Karkat look strangely miserable, so he reminded him, “You enjoy these kinds of films, don’t you? Ditzy girl down on her luck, the dream man who’s kind of aloof but good deep inside, happily-ever-afters for everyone except the comedic ugly friend? Can’t say I understand why, but hell, we all gotta like something in this miserable world.”

“They’re a comfort thing, obviously,” Karkat grumbled, rubbing his hands over his face but still missing that paint. _Just gotta…_ “Like, anyone who’s sad is going to stuff their gullet with deep-dish pizza and Reese’s pieces, but nobody’s going to claim it’s five-star cuisine.”

Dave frowned at the screen. He couldn’t imagine watching this shit when he was sad, but Karkat’s story held up judging by the blanket-nest he had seen on this very bed the night of the fight with Terezi.

“What’s comforting about this?” he said, his voice unfortunately betraying a little of his hatred for _Maid in Manhattan._ “Just makes me want to not get married ever.”

 

Karkat sighed like a martyr, and Dave readied himself with enthusiasm for a thorough schooling.

“Look, Dave,” he began, “the world of the romcom is simple, and everything makes sense. It’s like the exact opposite of the real world.” He indicated to the screen, where J-Lo was lecturing Ralph Fiennes on income inequality and Ralph Fiennes was finding it very hot for some reason. “You know, Jennifer Lopez might struggle to make ends meet and that may well lead to her making some costly mistakes, but you’d better believe that by the end of the third act she’s gonna have learned a whole load of important life lessons and discovered that the world isn’t as unfair as it seems.” Karkat started to look even glummer. “Not to mention, gained a guy who loves her unconditionally.”

Dave would’ve done anything to get him to stop looking like that. “Aw, come on, dude, you’re seventeen. Why are you surprised that you haven’t met the love of your life and had six children and a spring wedding with them yet? Like so what?”

“I’m not surprised!” Karkat snapped. “Just kind of disappointed. And I want a summer wedding.”

“Noted.”

“Anyway, it’s not like I expect any of this,” he gestured to the screen again. “It would just be nice to have one relationship that doesn’t fall to pieces in my hands is all.”

That made Dave’s eyebrows crease together in concern. “Hey, come on,” he said, putting a hand on Karkat’s shoulder and then quickly removing it when Karkat looked at him funny. “You’ve got me, right? And Gamzee? And Kanaya, and Sollux, and – well, pretty much anyone you talk to, really, we’re all very pro-Karkat even if we don’t show it much – ”

“That’s nice and all but I mean romantic, Dave,” Karkat said dryly.  

 _Oh come on, bullshit, it’s not like there’s any difference in importance. How dare you, Karkat, does our friendship mean that little to you –_ “Karkat, just how many people have you dated?”

The other boy squirmed, not even bothering to get his fingers out to count. “Terezi.”

“See? _One_ relationship.” Dave spread his hand pointedly. “You can’t draw too many conclusions based on that.”

“Yeah. But I kind of thought she was, you know.” Karkat shrugged helplessly. “ _The_ one.”

“Maybe that meant you were putting too many of your expectations on her,” Dave suggested. “Maybe that means the next one will _have_ to be better. Because honestly I don’t think it could be all that much worse.”

Karkat looked unconvinced. “I don’t know, Dave. You heard what she said. ‘Impossible to date’. And she would know better than anyone.”

“Whoa, dude.” Dave felt himself starting to get uncomfortable with the amount of unexpected emotions that were coming to light in this conversation, but he pushed that away and focussed on comforting Karkat. _Fuck knows he’s been considerate of my feelings enough times._ “You’re not… you’re not impossible to date.”

“You haven’t dated me, so you wouldn’t know.” _Okay, you stubborn asshole._

“Yeah, well, I guess not, but…” In a moment of recklessness, Dave was mere seconds away from suggesting something very stupid, but Karkat thankfully cut him off with another rant.

 

“I’m _cursed._ Everyone else can go through life being blindly ignorant of how people feel about them, but oh _no,_ not me, it seems that whatever god gave us our powers has decided I don’t deserve that luxury, that I deserve a big scoop of turd-flavored ice cream, that I have to experience every twinge of resentment and irritation and boredom firsthand, and then suffer through everyone wondering, _why is Karkat in such a bad mood,_ and then I can feel that they’re pissed at me for being in a _bad_ mood and that puts me in a _worse_ mood, and when you feel that for long enough you start thinking, you know what, fuck it, let’s all be in a bad mood together, because at least when I piss people off I know where I lie! You know, at the bottom end of the scale. Where I fucking belong.” He sagged, like he had knocked the wind out of himself with his own tirade.

While Dave was sitting there too stunned to speak, Karkat lowered his head into his hands. “You just. You do not know how shitty it is to feel someone fall out of love with you.” He laughed, kind of watery, though Dave could only see his shoulders shake. “And most of all, I cannot believe I am discussing this, which I have never discussed with anyone before, with the current boyfriend of the ex who broke my heart.”

 

There were a million things Dave wanted to say, but his stupid mouth could only manage, “Hey. I’m not just that.”

But he didn’t feel too bad about it when Karkat raised his head and looked at him like that was the one thing he had wanted to hear. “No. I guess not,” he agreed, soft.

“Anyway,” Dave went on, gaining some confidence. _I’m gonna be like Rose. I’m gonna, I’m gonna feelings-jam, and I’m not gonna get weirded out about it._ “I think there’s some good shit that comes along with your ability that you’re not seeing.”

The look Karkat shot at him was doubtful. And those were definitely the beginnings of angry tears in his eyes. _And whoa, he has a gap in his front teeth, would you look at that. I wonder if he can poke his tongue through it a bit. I wonder – oh, he was saying something –_

“Enlighten me,” was what Karkat said, when he mentally wound the tape back.

 _If that’s what you want._ “I don’t know. Aren’t your powers kind of helpful? I guess they let you get closer to people.” Dave shrugged. “Even if, you know, you don’t necessarily want to be. You just _know_ what people are feeling without them even having to say. Which is… a step above the rest of us.”

“It bothers you, though, doesn’t it?” Karkat said miserably, forcing Dave to remember that disastrous conversation they had shared when Karkat first told him about his abilities. “Everyone I’ve ever told has hated it. Except dad, who just didn’t care. I guess cause he was just pissed all the time so it didn’t really matter if I could read his emotions.”

“Uh, it did bother me at first,” Dave admitted. “Now not so much.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“No, it’s not.” And it wasn’t really. _Karkat has seen the least chill part of me, unfortunately, which is my maelstrom of anxiety and insecurity. So it’s not like he can see anything all that much worse than what he already has._ “I guess I think it’s kind of cool, actually? Saves me a lot of trouble if nothing else.”

As Dave said that, he realized it was true. Being around Karkat had its own unique kind of relief. He didn’t have to hide anything and he also didn’t have to say much for Karkat to understand what he meant. “Anyway, you don’t have to worry about that shit with me,” he went on. “You already know the maximum amount you can piss me off, because I’ve already experienced it.” He winced through his grin, remembering that first screaming argument on the bus, and beside him, Karkat did too. “And we came out the other side of that alright, didn’t we?” he added.

Karkat snorted, but the beginnings of a smile were forming on his face, and he was looking right at Dave with warm brown eyes. “Nowhere to go but up,” he agreed.

 

It went quiet. There was something weird and electric in the atmosphere, now, and Dave was pretty sure that it wasn’t just because this was the room where Sollux jerked off.

_That me or him? Actually, on second thoughts, I don’t think I want to know. I really don’t –_

He sat back against the wall, kind of dazed. “Haha, when I think about it, it always kind of freaks me out,” he admitted. _No point in hiding anything from him. He already knows it all._ “Knowing you can and will crack me wide open at any moment.’

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Dave you’re such a mess I wouldn’t know how to untangle your fucking spiderweb of emotions even if I cared to try.”

_Okay, maybe he doesn’t. But that’s kind of nice too._

As they lapsed into silence again, Dave felt the guilt that had been lurking since earlier that day come back. A certain thought had been nagging at him for a while now, since the encounter with Kankri, and he couldn’t ignore it any longer. _Never a more perfect time for confessions, I guess._ “Hey. Karkat. There’s something I need to tell you.”

Karkat looked at him, curious and dread-filled and hopeful at once.

_Wait, that fucking paint is still there –_

Dave cleared his throat. “It’s kind of wild, so. Prepare yourself.” For a second he had trouble figuring out where to start, but then he realized _oh yeah, at the beginning._ “Me and Rose… we’ve found some stuff out since we got here.”

 

 

 

Karkat listened to his whole story – about the lab, and the algorithms, and Scratch’s genetic science, and that weird thing where somehow he and Rose were Roxy and Dirk’s genetic kids – and he asked a few questions on the way but mostly stayed silent and let Dave say his piece.

 

“I should’ve told you sooner, but I guess, I just didn’t know who I could trust,” Dave finished lamely. “And I wasn’t even sure what was true and what wasn’t, it all still seems so weird.”

It took a second for it everything to process. Dave could tell just by Karkat’s face. “Kankri… and the Signless… huh.” His eyebrows went up, then back down again, then furrowed into a frown. “Well. That explains that mystery, I guess. But raises so many more.”

 _Mystery…_ “So you noticed then?”

Complete with a little snort, Karkat rolled his eyes in a big exaggerated circle. “Well yeah, of course I noticed, Kankri has the same surname and face and birthmarks as me and everything.” _Birthmarks? Where –_ “I just filed it away as one of the many weird things that has happened since we arrived here, and not even close to the weirdest.”

 

Another pause, while the gears turned, and then Karkat let out a noise of emphatic disgust. “Fuck, I just cannot _believe_ I am an altered clone of _Kankri,_ this is the absolute worst-case scenario right here.”

Dave shook his head. “No, not really, I don’t think. Well actually, this is just kind of a hunch I have, but. It’s more like… Kankri is a prototype for you. And the Signless, too, he’s a failed prototype for Kankri who’s a failed prototype for you. It gets kind of fucked if you think about it for too long, so just. Don’t.”

Karkat frowned, honing in on one word. “Failed?”

Not able to explain himself fully, Dave just shrugged. It had been an inclination of his for a while now. “Well, I mean. Why else would Scratch keep making superpowered kids unless he wasn’t satisfied with the latest batch?”

“Oh, god, please don’t word it like that,” Karkat groaned. “I don’t… want Scratch to be my dad, adoptive or otherwise.”

“I prefer to think of him as more like a creepy uncle.”

“That’s not any better!” Karkat protested, throwing his hands up. “And fuck, it’s so weird that my older clone-self is dating Nepeta’s older clone-self.”

“Kankri and Meulin are dating?”

“What? No, the Signless and the Disciple. Kankri is dating Cronus right now, I think.” Karkat groaned again, louder. “Which is even _weirder_!”

_Yeah, let’s not think about Karkat dating Eridan. Bet Eridan would like that, wouldn’t he? Too bad it’s never going to happen._

_Probably maybe. I don’t think Karkat likes him like that. I hope he doesn’t, I hope he has better standards –_

_Or fuck, no, wait, maybe I don’t._

“It’s all a lot to take in, I know,” Dave said. “Sorry for springing it on you.”

Despite that, he felt a hell of a lot better after releasing all that information. Now another person shared the load of this knowledge, and he was glad it was Karkat.

“Nah.” The other boy shrugged, blessedly not angry that Dave hadn’t divulged all this before, which was more than Dave had thought to hope for. “Thanks for telling me, I guess. I’m thrilled to be let into your little genetic circle of trust.”

 

He smiled at Dave after saying that, a rare genuine nice smile where his cheeks went up and his eyes crinkled at the corners. Dave couldn’t look away – from that _fucking –_

“Hahah. Yeah. Trust. But, uh, one last thing – ”

Unable to resist the urge any more, Dave reached out, grabbed Karkat’s face, licked his thumb, and scrubbed off those little bits of paint on his forehead and chin and the side of his nose.

 

“Been bothering me the whole time,” he added, while Karkat was still sitting there in shock, one hand halfway to his cheek.

 

 

“DIRK I need to talk to you about something.”

 

For a guy who occurred statistically more often than any other person in the entirety of Doc Scratch’s School, Dirk was not an easy man to find. It took Dave a journey through the South Wing boy’s corridor, where, from the depths of a dingy pile of robot parts and alarming swords, Horuss informed him that his roommate was probably off somewhere ‘thinking over’ certain things.

“Don’t tell anyone I said so, but he and Jake have been having some _issues_ recently,” he said in a hushed voice, before re-lowering his magnifying goggles and continuing to work on his life-size replica of a stallion.

 

After Dave, using some flash-stepping expertise, managed to narrow the list of possible places down to just the metalwork station, he got to the entrance only to find a tearful Jane already coming out of it.

“Jane!” He bit his tongue to resist the urge to call her _Mrs Egbert._ “Is Dirk in there?”

As soon as she saw him, she clearly tried her best to shake the negativity, putting on a chipper front. “Dave, goodness! Why yes, he is, but he’s, uh. Being a bit of a negative Nancy today – I don’t know if you’ll be able cheer him up, but I certainly couldn’t, hoo hoo!” She paused, smile dropping a bit, and then went on, “Ah, I see your black eye has healed up nicely! But, like I said, you would’ve been very welcome to come to me, I would’ve had it fixed up lickety-split!”

“That’s alright.” Dave had already refused the offer, unable to get the image of the Dolorosa lying dried-up in bed after using the last of her healing powers to save Kanaya. _I don’t understand anything that’s going on, but I do know I don’t want to risk any chance of that happening to John’s hot mom._ “Hey, uh, d’you think I should come back later? Is he in a really bad mood?”

He kicked himself as soon as he said it. _Don’t chicken out now._

“Oh, no, not really, dear. He’s just – ” she leaned in close, and whispered, “He’s just having some _issues_ with Jake right now, if you know what I mean.”

“Right,” Dave said, making an ‘ok’ sign with his fingers, even though really he had no idea what that meant.

 

“DIRK I need to talk to you about something.”

And now, twenty seconds later, Dave was here, looking across the room at his father-brother with the spiky hair.

 

Dirk flipped up his welding mask, leaning against the workbench. Despite all metalworking protocol, he was wearing a tank top, displaying his half of the unfortunate couple tattoo he shared with Jake on his bicep. “What’s up?”

Dave picked his way across the floor, avoiding Equius’s female robot parts and some gadgets that looked suspiciously like alarming parts of horse anatomy, until he reached Dirk. “Hey. I know you’re my dad technically, but could you do me a solid and pretend to be, like, my cool older brother for a bit?”

Watching Dave approach with some interest, Dirk considered that request. “Yeah, I can do that,” he decided.

“Okay. It’s about, uh – ” Dave floundered, trying to choose his words right and failing to come up with any.

“Gay stuff?”

Dave started. “How d… how did you know?”

“Eh. Call it a hunch.” Dirk shrugged, pulling the mask fully off and setting it in front of him. “Plus it’s all anyone ever wants to talk to me about. So, what is it? What kind of wild cock-based curiosities are you experiencing today?”

Dave recoiled instinctively. “What – ew – it’s nothing like that, come on, I just have a question that’s been kind of bothering me for a while now.”

Nonchalant, Dirk shrugged, brushing off Dave’s disgust like it was nothing. Which it probably was. “Fire away.”

Feeling even more awkward, Dave cleared his throat. “Well. I was just wondering how you knew that Jake was… uh, you know. The _one.”_ He instantly knew that was the wrong choice of wording, but he didn’t have a better selection, so he just kind of stood there and hoped Dirk would figure out what he meant.

 

He didn’t.

“Hah, ‘the one’, that’s sweet.” Dirk turned away to brush dust off the metal contraption – vaguely human-shaped, vaguely Dirk-shaped – he had been working on. “Haven’t you heard? We’ve been having _issues_ lately.”

“No, I mean – that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean _the one,_ the one _._ I meant, how could you tell – ” Dave groaned in frustration, rubbing a hand through his hair. “Right, so, Horuss is like – he’s gay, too, right? But he’s just a friend. To you.”

“Yeah,” Dirk said slowly, turning back and looking at Dave, curious to see where this was going. _Nowhere fast, I think._

“And like, you know how you sometimes – just, sometimes you like a guy as a bro, right? Like John. But if it’s not a chick, then how are you supposed to tell the difference? Y’know. Between, like, friendly platonic fuzzy bro feelings, and romantic boyfriend-husband ones.”

 

Dave received an unexpected answer to his question, which was Dirk proceeding to laugh his ass off.

He didn’t know what to do with himself while he waited for it to subside, so he just awkwardly stood there.

 

After a few minutes, the older boy finally managed to gather himself together enough to wipe his eyes and say, “Dave. Believe me. When you know, you know.”

 _That’s not fucking helpful!_ _Because I_ don’t _know._ “Don’t go cryptic on me.” When Dirk just shrugged helplessly again, Dave started practically begging. “Come on, I’m genuinely trying to figure something out here. I’ve watched football before, I know that dudes touch each other way too much all the time and it’s not always gay. How are you supposed to tell that a broship has tipped the scales? Like at what point am I supposed to propose? At what point is it not… platonic?”

Dirk peeled his gloves off. “Well, to put it bluntly, when it came to Jake, I started fantasizing about having sex with him. That’s usually not platonic.”

 _Okay. Uh. Okay._ “R…Right.”

“Does that answer your question? Little bro?”

Dave tried not to shiver upon being called that. _He’s Dirk, not Bro._ “I think so.” _Right. Okay. That settles it, I suppose. It’s not the beginnings of a crush after all, like I thought. I’ve never thought about fucking Karkat, not once._

_Oh god, now I’m thinking about it – no, wait, this doesn’t count, this is like – a reflex or something. God, how would that even work? Neither of us are particularly forward, so who would take the lead when… well I guess I don’t know that, maybe he is forward, maybe I should ask Terezi – oh for FUCK’S sake –_

_Actually, now that I think about it, I've never thought about fucking Terezi even once. And she’s my girlfriend, supposedly._

“Look, don’t force anything if it doesn’t feel right,” Dirk said, reaching out to put his hand on Dave’s shoulder. If anything, he seemed to have cheered up a little now. _What do you know, Jane, looks like I could improve his mood after all. In a roundabout kind of way._ “Stuff like this tends to take place organically. You’re seventeen. You’ve got plenty of time to figure this shit out.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Dave said, but he just felt just as miserable and confused as before. Somehow, something was telling him that was not the case.

 

 

 

Dave stood out in the fields that evening, practising his time reset. Twenty seconds after the sun went down, he could make it come back up. A minute after the sun went down, he could make it come back up. Five minutes. Ten. Thirty.

 

“It’s magnificent, isn’t it? This power you wield.”

Dave spun around at the sound of a voice, seconds after resetting so that the sun was just above the horizon, and found Doc Scratch had been standing there beside him the whole time, his hands on his suspenders, smiling at Dave with a benevolent fatherly face tainted red by the last dregs of the evening sun. Then, just as the sun snapped out of sight, and Dave opened his mouth to yell something – _don’t know what_ – Scratch disappeared in a hiss of green.

 

Furious, Dave shut his eyes, and reset to that same moment – _the bottom of the sun, just touching the horizon –_ once again, to get a chance to stop him, to talk to him, but when he opened them –

Scratch was gone from his sight, gone from the landscape, gone from the timeline.


	15. Chapter 15

One morning, a full two hours before he had to be up for his 8:30 Physics class, Dave was awakened by commotion in the corridor.

 

Once he finally got up the will to open his eyes, John was already out of bed, peering through a gap in the door. “What’s going on?” he asked Sollux, who poked his head in and grinned at Dave, blearily rubbing his eyes in bed.

“Something’s happening with the Signless, it seems like,” he reported, his lisp stronger than ever with that sentence. “Apparently he’s out there yelling at Doc Scratch like a fucking madman.”

 

 

By the time Dave and John arrived at the front windows, there was already a crowd of people clustered around, trying to get a good look at whatever was going on down in the gardens. Leaving John to crane his neck at the back of the group, Dave used his time powers and zipped right to the front, between Porrim and Latula.

“Open the window, I can’t hear what they’re saying!” someone protested, and then someone else fiddled with the rusty latch and the enormous window swung open, shedding cobwebs and letting in the cold air and the sound of the Signless’s clear, zealous voice.

It was loud. “ – can’t do this! It’s not right!”

Sure enough, once Dave got a good enough viewing angle, there the Signless was – down in the flower garden, standing among perfect rows of begonias with his fists balled. Opposite him stood Scratch, white shoes pristine even in the gravel, wearing an expression of mild puzzlement. Although the Signless was easily double his size, height-wise and muscle-wise, he looked about as threatened as a wolf looking at a mouse.

“What the hell are they  _doing?”_ Aranea hissed from next to Dave.

“Doesn’t this look kind of serious?” Porrim whispered. “Oh no. I really don’t feel… this is bad news.”

 

Down below, Scratch cocked his head. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re saying,” he replied, to whatever the Signless had been shouting at him. “You’ll have to be a little clearer with me. I’m getting old, you know?”

For some reason, the usually calm Signless had a murderous expression, and at that statement his face only got darker. But he was managing to hold it back, though his shoulders heaving were with the effort.

“I said, you’re well aware that we’re powerless against you,” he said, in a voice ragged with emotion. “There would be no point in us trying to stop anything you’re doing, you can crush us like insects, you made that very clear when you murdered Dualscar the way you did. But you’re a reasonable man, Scratch, I know this about you. You must be able to see that this is wrong.”

His tone got an edge to it. He was begging.

“Wrong?” Scratch repeated.

“These kids, you’re taking away their free will, you’re taking away their _lives_. You’ve imprisoned them – ”

“Oh, nonsense,” Doc Scratch said, a smile coming onto his face. “I haven’t imprisoned them at all.” He paused, the smile not wavering, then added, emphatically, “It’s fate, dear boy,  _fate_. This is all fate’s doing.”

For some reason, the Signless’s crumpled. “Please. Don’t… You know that’s not true.”

 

At that miserable plea, Doc Scratch’s features attempted to stretch into an expression of fond fatherly exasperation, but something wasn’t quite right. It was like his face was a mask he was wearing.

“Come now,” he said, almost sounding reasonable. “None of us can stop any of this. It has already happened. You may hate me because I’m emblematic of that, but in the end it’ll do you no good.” Then he sighed when the Signless just mutely shook his head. “Really, boy, I know your human brain is small and underdeveloped, but please at least try to understand – ”

“That’s my problem, isn’t it,” the Signless said, bitterly. “I’m too _human_.”

“ – and frankly, it’s entertaining that  _you_ are the one who decided to challenge me on this.” Doc Scratch let out a hollow chuckle after saying that, a particularly cruel sound. He waved a hand at the man opposite him, up and down. “By now you must be aware,” he huffed, “that, out of the whole weak lot, you are the very weakest.”

The Signless didn’t flinch. “I was the only one who would – ”

“I see. The others managed to recognize that you are the most expendable. It’s good to see they are capable of at least that.” He indicated with his head, cutting off any further argument with: “Snowman. Take him back inside. If this is how he chooses to thank me for years of my tutelage, then he is now officially worth less than his upkeep.”

 

With that command, Snowman moved like a puppet given a cue and locked the Signless’ arms behind his back in an iron grip. Immediately he struggled, but she matched him in size, and didn’t even flinch upon receiving one of his muscular elbows to the stomach. One of her black heeled boots swept under his feet, bringing him brutally to his knees.

Panic came over his face. “Fuck.” He writhed, trying to wrench himself free, but Snowman didn’t let up. She started to drag him backwards, towards the entrance.

With a lot of effort, he managed to break free for a second, teeth bared and black hair wild all over his forehead as he squared off against the Vice Principal. She went for him again, fast, and – “Fuck you, get your _fucking_ hands off me – ”

 _I’ve never heard the Signless swear before,_ Dave realized. It sounded wrong. It sounded so much like Karkat.

“Wait, what’s going on? Where are they taking him?” Nepeta said, sounding panicked.  _Something’s not right,_ Dave thought in agreement, feeling fear settle heavy in his stomach. He turned, letting his eyes rove over the crowd, and found Karkat, near the back, looking shaken to his core.

 

A stir went up in the crowd by the window.   

“Get out the way, I’ll stop her – ” Porrim pushed to the front of the cluster and gritted her teeth, holding a hand out, aiming for where Snowman and the Signless were locked in a struggle.

An invisible burst of impact sent gravel flying in all directions, and the Signless went sprawling onto his side, landing with a hard impact and a wheeze. But Snowman was unaffected, standing neat and upright in the middle of the little crater created by the blast. She moved her head in the direction of the window, spotting all of them watching. Her thin eyes narrowed.

Stunned, Porrim looked down at her own hand like it was to blame. “No… way?”

 

Down below, Snowman turned her attention back to the struggle, which was now won without her lifting a finger. She wrestled the man on the ground into a headlock, pulling him in towards the main entrance again, away from the headmaster.

“You can’t do this – Scratch,” the Signless managed to choke out, digging his heels in to halt the pair’s progress for just a second. Even from up above, Dave could see his black eyes were wide when he said, “You’ll get what’s coming to you in the end.”

The headmaster shook his head, strangely, neither smiling nor frowning. His face was like a marble statue: smooth and unreadable, or almost wistful.

“No, I won’t,” he said.

 

And, still kicking and spitting and swearing, the Signless was dragged out of sight. Everyone held their breath until the oak door slammed heavily below.

 

 

“Oh dear, children, what’s this I see?”

A figure bustled into their stunned midst, dispersing the crowd with shooing motions until they managed to reach the window and pull it shut with a firm _bang,_ sending up another puff of ancient dust.

Then Ms Paint stood in front of the wooden frame, hands on her wide hips.

“No more eavesdropping,” she told the astonished gaggle of students. “It’s just not polite!”

 

 

Although everyone stayed up for the remainder of the morning gossiping in their rooms or on Skaianet, nobody had any further news on what had happened to the Signless. But when Dave made his way downstairs to breakfast only hours later, there was an enormous tapestry now hanging in the foyer that hadn’t been there before.

 

He came to a stop in front of it, alongside a figure who was already there, staring up. _Karkat. I was wondering where he had gone._

“What the fuck is this?” the other boy said hoarsely, without greeting him. Dave didn’t say anything in reply.

Really he didn’t need to. There was no mistaking it. That woven figure was supposed to be the Signless, a kneeling silhouette peppered in red cuts and with his hands bound above his head in chains. Just like the last time they had seen him, his benevolent face was twisted in pain and rage. Morning light and cold was coming into the foyer through the oak entrance doors, still thrown wide open from the morning’s events, and it lit the tapestry up an ugly gold.

At the bottom, in an elaborately decorated banner, the thing said _ASTRA INCLINANT SED NON OBLIGANT_ in big embroidered letters.

 _Huh._ Dave held back a laugh of pure incredulous hatred. _I don’t have to speak Latin to know that’s probably something smarmy. Who even did this? Only the Dolorosa could ever embroider that quickly, and she’s not…_

“He’s killed him, hasn’t he?” Karkat said faintly. Just from the sound of his voice, Dave didn’t want to turn and look at the other boy. And also because that had been his first unwelcome thought, too. “Shit. I. Only just found out that the guy was my, like… brother. Days ago. I barely even talked to him since I found out. And just like that he’s gone.”

Dave couldn’t think of a single thing to say, but that was fine, because Karkat could. “Fuck. Shit.” He dropped to his knees and rubbed a hand over his face. “And now my only living relative is _Kankri._ ”

Dave’s tongue untied itself for long enough that he could say, “I’m so sorry, dude.” Then he agitatedly stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking at the back of Karkat’s head, and clarified, “Uh, not about Kankri. Well, yeah, about Kankri, but mostly about the other things.”

It didn’t seem like Karkat even heard him. He was too caught up in whatever mayhem was going obviously through his own head, judging by the way he was desperately clutching at it. After a pause, he laughed a sharp, hard laugh, looked up at the tapestry and said, “God, what am I _doing_ here?”

“…What?” _I mean, it’s a fair question for any one of us, but that sounded kind of loaded, coming from Karkat._

In place of a reply, Karkat pulled himself back onto his feet and began to silently root around in his jeans pockets. Eventually, after extracting a phone and fiddling around with it, he handed it over, with a curt, “Look at this.”

 

Part of Dave was tempted to say _you’ve got internet on this thing?_ as he accepted the offered Nokia, but he sensed it probably wasn’t the time.

On the screen was Karkat’s timetable, opened via that ‘Scratch’ app that Dave had found he was totally unable to delete from his phone, and in the spaces where Karkat should’ve had a power-coaching session, it now just said ‘NULL AND VOID’.

_Okay, what the fuck. I know Jade and Kanaya got reassigned to the Summoner’s class after the Dolorosa died, and I seem to remember that Dualscar’s students got reassigned too –_

Karkat was already on that exact wavelength. “Everyone else was given an effective mentor, every fucking other person in this school has been learning and growing. But you know what, Dave? Since I first fucking arrived here, my powers haven’t changed at all. I mean, what good would it do, anyway, to try and train powers as crappy as mine? What would I even get better at, unwillingly feeling other people’s feelings? But still! I haven’t learned anything at all. What am I even _fucking here for_? I’m a useless freak, and there’s something wrong with me – ”

"You’re not a freak," Dave argued.

"I am!" So frustrated that he was getting kind of antsy now, and also not listening, Karkat threw a hand out towards Dave. "Just look at you, you’ve gotten so much better at your time shit in the past year, and I’m telling you, I haven’t improved a single measly iota! That’s why he doesn’t care – he doesn’t fucking care that he just killed the guy who was supposed to teach me to get stronger! I was never going to _get_ stronger, Dave, I’m a weak fucking mess who doesn’t belong in a school for kids with superpowers – ”

“Let’s go talk to Scratch about this,” Dave suggested, voice even, cutting over the top of the rant. Karkat opened his mouth to continue where he had left off, but Dave interrupted. “No, man, shut up, don’t say any more bad shit about yourself or I’ll get angry.”

Karkat shut his mouth and set his jaw, a muscle there twitching agitatedly, but he didn’t badmouth himself anymore as per Dave’s request.

“He’s not going to talk to us,” he said sullenly instead. “Haven’t you learned anything?”

Dave shook his head. “He will. I know how to make him listen. I think I’ve figured out his game.”

 

Someone else spoke. “Game?”

 

Both of them turned. There, leaning over the banister above, was Rose. She clearly hadn’t bothering going to breakfast either.

_The whole lot of us are going to be starving in first period._

“If you have a way to make the headmaster open that door of his, brother of mine, then I’m all ears,” Rose said, not bothering to come down from her vantage point to talk to them. “This morning’s attempts at contact have all been unsuccessful.”

 _So that’s what she’s been doing. Of course that’s what she’s been doing._ Dave turned away. “Okay, look, if you really want to talk to Scratch, you gotta talk to him on his level.”

Rose snorted, resting her chin on her arms. “And what level would that be?”

Since the latest detention session with Snowman, Dave had been thinking over something she had said to him. _‘He’s in his office, of course. But he’s not taking visitors right now.’_ It was a thought that usually came together with the memory of the vigilant white figure visible in the window above the atrium.

“You’ve gotta – look, he doesn’t like it when you come to him and you’re _rude_ about it, right? We’ve tried that before and it doesn’t work,” he explained. “But if we know one thing it’s that the motherfucker really likes the sound of his own voice, and he never passes up the opportunity to wave what we don’t know in our faces. You’ve got to take advantage of the fact that he enjoys, uh… _civil conversation.”_

Seemingly uninterested in that, Rose shrugged. “You do the talking then, Dave.”

“Alright.”

 

Dave was just about to jog over to join Rose on the staircase when something occurred to him.

“Oh, wait, there’s one thing I gotta – ”

 

He drew his sword, which he had grabbed and stowed before leaving his bedroom – unusual for him now – and sliced a line straight through the tapestry. It cut the Latin phrase in two, and the bottom half fell to the floor.

 

As he was re-sheathing his sword, he shot a quick grin at Karkat, who was staring open-mouthed at the pile of crumpled fabric on the floor. When he finally recovered and looked up, his face was beginning to tinge pink, but Dave didn’t see it because he was already halfway up the winding staircase to Scratch’s office.

 

 

 

“Scratch? Are you in there?” Dave knocked politely again, one-two-three, his ear pressed to the wood. Rose was right beside him, leaning on the door with her arms folded, and Karkat was hovering on the periphery. _If I’m not right about this then I’m gonna look like such an idiot._ “Doc Scratch? Doctor Scratch? Mr Scratch? I need to talk to you.” _Go on, dude. Channel your inner soccer mom._ “I have some, uh. Serious questions. About the teaching quality. At your school.” A pause. “Actually I’d like to make an official complaint.”

 

There was a click. Dave managed to straighten up in time, but Rose’s balance was thrown off as the door swung inwards, and she was sent stumbling into the righting hands of Doc Scratch.

 

He looked down at her, amused. As soon as she regained herself, she shrugged his hold off and took a good two steps away from him, glaring daggers.

 

“An official complaint, was it?” Scratch said, straightening his suit. This was the closest Dave had ever been to him, and it was eerie to see how lifeless his face was up close. There wasn’t a wrinkle in sight on that expanse of white skin. “Do come in. You’re in luck, actually – I was just brewing some tea.”

“We don’t want any f – ” Karkat began, but Rose hushed him, pointedly raising her eyebrows.

“Don't mind if we do,” she said loftily, and Scratch gave her a wonderful smile and stepped back, gesturing them all inside with a gloved hand.

 

Undisguisedly cautious, the three entered Scratch’s office.

“Feel free to take a seat,” Scratch said, bustling into the depths of the room and disappearing behind a partition, “And help yourself to some liquorice scottie dogs, I’ve got plenty to spare.”

Dave looked around, stunned. _What… the fuck? This isn’t the same place as before._

It almost was. The decorating was similar, but then everything was pretty similar in Scratch’s mansion. But the wallpaper was a different shade of green and the fireplace was on the other side and had a recognizably different elaborate stone carving above it, and most importantly the whole room was a different fucking shape and size. The only thing that was the exact same was the grandfather clock, standing watchful in one corner.

 

“Please, sit,” Scratch said, appearing from the little adjoining kitchen with a tray and ushering them into a set of creaky wicker chairs beside the iron-legged coffee table. “It is so rare that someone dares to complain to me, I must admit, I’ve even brought out my fine china for our little chat. How do you young things take your tea these days? Milk and two sugars?”

“I don’t take it at all,” Dave said as Scratch hovered beside his chair with a teapot, cup and saucer. “I want to know why you killed the Signless. And Dualscar. And I know you’re going to lie and say you didn’t do it, but I want to know why you killed the Dolorosa, too.”

 

There was silence. His posture betraying no emotion, Scratch gently lowered the tray onto the table, and made his way over to his own chair beside the unlit fireplace. It was an imposing piece of furniture with tarnished gold embellishments, and far grander than the chairs he had offered the three kids.

“My faculty is my business, Mr Strider,” he said as he settled into it, crossing his legs at the ankle and pouring himself a cup of Earl Grey. “I assure you, no matter how hard-hearted it may seem, every decision I make is with your best interests in mind. My only aim is to allow you and your peers to achieve greater and greater heights.”

“Then what about Karkat’s _best interests_?” Dave fired back, feeling the boy beside him flinch. He could tell Karkat was on edge without looking, and it didn’t take too much imagination to figure out why. _He didn’t deny killing the Signless._ “He and Kankri don’t even have anyone to coach them anymore.”

Doc Scratch let his eyes pass over Karkat with mild surprise, as if it was the first time he had noticed the boy.

“With all due respect, it’s not a matter that seems especially important to me,” he said eventually, raising a shoulder.

Rose answered that astonishing statement before Dave had the chance to. “It seems rather contradictory to emphasize the depth of your investment in your students’ learning and then turn around and say, in the same breath, that you don’t care if Karkat’s teacher is dead.”

As soon as Rose started talking, though, as angry as she was, Scratch’s smile increased just a little. “Well, you see, Miss Lalonde,” he said, “I would care rather a lot if _your_ teacher were to mysteriously go missing. You still have so much to learn; things that only the Grand Highblood, as _unconventional_ of a professor as he is, can teach you.” He settled back in his seat, folding his hands over his stomach, and then delivered an unexpected blow. “But, when it comes to the Signless’ case, both student and teacher alike are equally useless.”

 

Karkat couldn’t have looked more winded if someone had slammed a knee into his midsection. “…Useless?”

Unbothered, Scratch went on. Instead of talking directly to Karkat, he aimed the explanation at Dave, as if he were his attorney or something. “Mr Vantas is a something of a glitch. A mistake – or rather, an excess, shall we say. Unlike all the others, his powers will ultimately prove to be of no consequence. Within your otherwise successful group of sixteen, he’s the _mutant_ , if you like. The runt.” He sighed, then chuckled, then sighed again. “Ah, well, no batch can be perfect.”

Silence. Dave tore his eyes away from Karkat’s face, drained of all color, for long enough to choke out a sentence on the other boy’s behalf. “What the _hell_ are you talking about?”

“Mutant?” Karkat said in a voice too small for him.

“Yes, mutant. Allowing the two – or, previously three – Mr Vantases to remain at this school was, simply put, an act of charity on my part. I suppose there’s some empathetic part of my being that felt somewhat responsible when I regarded their genetically-implanted flaws, and so, here we are.” Finally, Scratch tilted his head and spoke directly to the boy who was sitting shell-shocked, gripping onto the arms of his chair. “I’m afraid, Karkat, that this is the barefaced truth of it. There was nothing for you to learn from the Signless, and so it represents no real loss to you that he’s gone. You were never going to grow as a supernaturally gifted adolescent like the others were. It’s just not in your nature.”

 

Karkat stood abruptly up. He looked at Scratch, his mouth opening as if there was something on the tip of his tongue, but he faltered and his gaze lowered. He looked at Dave instead, then at Rose, then back to Scratch, then at the ground, and his mouth clamped shut.

Then he turned tail and left the room.

 

 

By the time the door slammed shut, Dave was on his feet. “Son of a – ”

“You know, the mark of a good editor,” Scratch interrupted him before his vitriol could get going, “A good storyteller, a good businessman and, indeed, of a good headmaster, is that he is willing to make cuts where necessary. If it is extraneous, throw it out. If it has served its purpose, throw it out. That is not villainous. That is common sense.”

Dave was about to shout again, at the idea of calling the Dolorosa or the Signless or Karkat ‘extraneous’, but then a pulse of dread went through him as a repressed thought crept up from the back of his mind. “Wait… the Handmaid…?”

Scratch must have seen his fears mapped out on his face, because he laughed. “Oh, don’t worry,” he assured him. “The Handmaid is one of the most obedient members of my staff. She always has been. I suspect it’s because she has a full understanding of the futility of her situation.”

As he went on, he raised out of his chair and began to amble over to the window, hands folded behind him. “No, no. If you haven’t seen her around recently, that’s simply because she has nothing more to teach you.” He turned back, swiftly, and smiled at Dave. “You see, without even really trying, you’ve surpassed her. You’re more powerful than she is, or ever will be. You are an individual of _great_ consequence, Mr Strider.”

 

Silence again.

“Allow me this question,” Rose said dryly, fingers fight on the handle of her teacup. She was the only one of them who had bothered to pick up her saucer, even though she hadn’t taken a single sip throughout the duration of the conversation.

“I will allow you as many questions as you see fit, Miss Lalonde,” Scratch said. “It would be no flattery to humbly reveal that you are among my favorite of conversation partners – ”

“ – Right, whatever.” Rose pushed back her chair and started approaching Scratch, step by slow step, over at the window. She was still holding her teacup. Dave watched her anxiously, fingers hovering over the handle of his sword, as she got closer to the smaller, smiling man. _Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t do anything stupid. As satisfying as it would be, don’t do anything stupid, Rose._

“By your own admission, Dave’s powers are of _great_ consequence,” she said. “And Karkat’s powers are of _no_ consequence.” She stopped, halfway to him.

“What, pray tell,” she asked, “Are these _consequences_ you speak of _,_ then?”

Scratch looked delighted to be asked that.

“Why, I’m referring to the final fight of course,” he said. “What good would a teen adventure be without a final fight?”

 

Dave’s hand froze, clasped around the hilt of his sword. _What…_

“A final fight.” Rose said evenly. “I see. You’re being rather upfront about all this.”

“Have I ever been abstruse before?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

He chuckled fondly, like she had told him an old joke. “Oh dear, Miss Lalonde, you’re accusing me _quite_ baselessly. Have you ever considered that it is simply that you are asking all the wrong questions?”

Rose gritted her teeth. Then she tried a different question. “This ‘final fight’. It will be against… who, exactly?”

Scratch spread his arms wide like a ringleader, smiling enigmatically.

“Who else?” he said.

 

Both twins froze, but Scratch had enough to say that the silence was adequately filled. “There will be a time when you will fight against me. Furiously. With everything you have left in you. Because, at that time, it’s likely that I will have destroyed something you love. Perhaps even many things.”

From the sound of his voice, the idea of this was wonderful to him.

 _What a freak._ Dave stayed motionless in his chair, unable to process what he was hearing.

“…destroyed?” Rose muttered, clearly reeling too.

“That’s right, Rose,” Scratch said breezily. “I am going to betray you. In the name of sportsmanship, I think it is only fair that I tell you this now.”

 

It was all Rose could do to stand there, glaring a disbelieving glare in his direction but robbed of any response, and he smiled back.

“Any further questions?” he asked, reaching out to take her teacup from her. “Because I have some administrative business to tend to. It has been a tad hectic this morning, I’m sure you understand.” He smiled drolly. “The staff room is in _quite_ a state.”

 

It seemed that the only response Rose could think up was to release her grip, pointedly and deliberately, and let the teacup smash into pieces on the floor.

 

 

 

gardenGnostic [GG]  opened thread titled "..." on board SKAIANET.

GG: guys…  
GG: to be quite honest with you, i am kind of freaked out.  
GG: do you think we should leave?  
GG: this isnt fun anymore  
GG: doc scratch is killing people!!  
GG: and i just keep thinking  
GG: if it carries on like this  
GG: he might kill us too  
ectoBiologist [EB] responded to thread.  
EB: yeah, and i don't even think he's a real doctor!  
GG: this isnt funny john!!!!  
EB: sorry, i guess not.  
EB: i don't really know what to do either.  
timaeusTestified [TT] responded to thread.  
TT: I hate to say it, but however ruthless he is elsewhere, I don’t think Scratch would kill any of us.  
TT: He only kills people who are useless to him.  
TT: And for some reason, we’re not useless.  
GG: well what if we outlive our usefulness???  
TT: That’s a bridge we’ll just have to cross once we get to it.  
GG: well i dont want to get to it!!  
GG: at all!!!!!  
GG: quite honestly i think we should all go back to earth right now.  
GG: i mean  
GG: even if he shut the portals  
GG: i could take people home myself!  
TT: I really don’t think it would be that simple.  
TT: The Signless himself said that we were imprisoned here.  
TT: That’s not something a person says lightly.  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to thread.  
TG: yeah sorry im with dirk here  
TG: there might be some way to beat this guy but it sure isnt going to be achieved by trying to escape him  
TG: like if anything hes shown that being watchful and all knowing and tracking us down no matter where we are is one the thing hes best at  
TG: besides youve seen what other kinda shit hes capable of  
TG: dude made a whole entire planet  
GG: well whos to say that wasnt just a big fat lie????  
GG: he might not even be as powerful as he says at all!  
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to thread.  
TT: Don’t waste your time thinking about it, Jade.  
TT: The future is unfalteringly green.  
TT: We don’t leave this place until he lets us go.  
GG: AAARGH!!!  
GG: youre acting like we are defeated before we ever even tried rose!!  
GG: we cant just fulfil every one of your visions just because the future said so  
GG: what if we end up staying here and dooming ourselves just because we think we cant escape, because your visions said we couldnt escape, and THATS why your vision says we dont ever escape?  
GG: it all seems DUMB!!!!!!  
TT: That’s just how it works, I’m afraid.  
GG: well its DUMB!!  
TT: Actually the correct word is ‘predetermined’.  
arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to thread.  
AG: Oh 8oy.  
AG: More psychic mum8o jum8o 8ullshit!  
AG: Honestly, Lalonde. You of all people should know that you either make your own luck in this world or you’re a coward.  
AG: Who would’ve thought that out of all of us, J8DE would 8e the only one with some actual goddamn 8ravery?  
AG: Not me, that’s for sure!  
TT: Oh?  
TT: So you’re part of team Leave The Green Moon Immediately, are you, Vriska?  
TT: Be my guest.  
AG: Nope. I think we should stay here too.  
TT: Urgh.  
AG: 8ut only so we can 8eat this creep at his own game!  
GG: game???  
GG: what are you TALKING about?  
GG: this ISNT a game!!  
AG: 8ut it so is!!!!!!!!  
AG: It has 8een a mind game 8etween us and him since the very first minute he messaged us.  
AG: And guess what?  
AG: I’m going to win!  
apocalypseArisen [AA] responded to thread.  
AA: n0 y0ure n0t  
AA: there is n0 winning  
AA: in fact there is n0 game being played  
AA: n0t unless y0u c0unt the en0rm0us game 0f chess he is playing against himself   
AG: Oh????????  
AG: And how do you know that, Ar8dia?  
AG: Surely there aren’t TWO seers in training on this puny little moon. It’s 8arely 8ig enough for one!  
AA: n0  
AA: and  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: the dead t0ld me i supp0se  
AG: I thought you said they spoke a different language here.  
AA: they d0  
AA: ive just c0me t0 understand them 0ver time is all  
AA: after c0nstantly listening t0 their warnings night after night  
AA: 0h  
AA: and  
AA: i hate t0 say i t0ld y0u s0  
AA: but  
AA: i t0ld y0u s0.  
GG: so what are we doing to do??????  
GG: we have to do SOMETHING!!!!  
TT: Simple.  
TT: We do the only thing we can do.  
TT: We wait it out.  
GG: NO!!!!  
GG: THATS THE WORST IDEA ANYONE EVER HAD EVER!  
terminallyCapricious [TC] responded to thread.  
TC: HeYyYy  
TC: MaGiCaL bRoThAs?  
TC: DoN’t ThInK i DoN’t SeE yAlL uP iN hErE gEtTiNg YoUr FrEaK oN oVeR sOmE rUdE aSs sHiT ThAt Is AlL wAaAaAaAaY oUt Of OuR cOnTrOl  
TC: YoU kNoW, mY aDvIcE iS tHaT wE jUsT cHuG sOmE wIcKeD eLiXiR aNd bAsK iN tHe MiRaClEs ThAt ArE aBoUt To FlOw OuR wAy  
TC: BeCaUsE tRuSt Me, I cAn FeEl ThEm CoMiNg  
TC: :o)  
TC: AnD aS uSuAl, It’S aLl ThAnKs To HiM…  
TC: tHe MiRtHfUl MeSsIaH  
GG: oh for gods sake, this again???  
GG: SHUT UPPP!!!  
GG  banned TC from responding to thread.   
terminallyCapricious [TC] responded to thread.  
TC: :o(  
TC: hOnK  
GG: WHAT DID I JUST SAY?  
gardenGnostic [GG] locked thread "...”.

 

 

For the next week or so, all of their teachers were particularly downcast during lesson time, but the Disciple was the worst. She barely even taught. They were supposed to be learning about reptile anatomy – a topic which usually gave her great joy, since it offered the opportunity for a dissection – but she spent the whole of Dave’s Monday lesson behind her desk with her head in her hands. A scribble on the chalkboard told them to just answer some questions from the textbook.

Not having to do the dissection was kind of a relief to Dave, since his partner was John.

Although, on this particular lesson, John found a new and different way to piss him off that didn’t involve passing out after seeing what a gall bladder looked like in the flesh.

 

“Hey,” John whispered, once they were halfway through the lesson’s questions in two minutes by just googling the answers. “So what’s up with you and Terezi?”

Dave looked up, alarmed, even though there was enough of a murmur in the room that he was fairly sure no one could have had heard Egbert’s too-loud whisper.

“What do you mean what’s up?” he muttered under his breath, casting a glance over at Terezi on the other side of the room, also googling the answers. She had recently been bribing people all over the place to switch partners with her so she could work with Vriska, and that was the case in Biology, too.

“I mean I have hardly seen you with her at all!” John leaned in closer, confidential. “Also, hasn’t she been hanging around with Vriska a lot recently? I thought those two hated each other.”

It didn’t really seem like they liked each other all that much, even now. They were having a whispered argument over one of the answers. _It seems less like they’re friends and more like they’re in… cahoots, or something._ _I wonder what that brought on._

“Don’t worry, it’s not just Terezi. Vriska’s been ditching me, too,” John said, as if that was what Dave was worried about.

“Nah, man. I think I was probably avoiding her first.” It wasn’t a lie, but when Dave thought about it some more, he realized that Terezi actually _had_ been going out of her way to avoid him, lately. Probably even more than he had been avoiding her. _Damn. More complications. It was since that date at the beach, I think._

_Wait. Her mind shit. Why didn’t I think of that before? She could totally tell that I wasn’t into it the whole time –_

_Fuck, I have to make it up to her._

“Wait, what? Avoiding her? Aren’t you two still dating?” John frowned at him, buckteeth worrying his lip confusedly.

 _Yeah, I guess that would seem pretty weird to John. He’s so upfront with his emotions he’d never let himself get into a situation like this. He’d have actually talked it over before it ever got this far._ “I don’t know. I’m not sure if we ever were.”

“God, Dave.” John rolled his eyes. “You are just so smooth. Open relationships, ladies all over the place.”

“You don’t know the half of it.” _And isn’t that the truth._

“Don’t I?” John winked suggestively at him, and in response, Dave inched his chair over towards Rose and Kanaya and spent the rest of the lesson copying off them.

 

“Terezi!”

The redhead looked up halfway through dumping all her books into her backpack after the Disciple called the lesson to an early end, and Dave tried not to feel stung when his (unconfirmed) girlfriend cringed a little upon figuring out who it was.

“Dave. Hey.” She slung her backpack over her shoulder and leant against the desk as everyone else filed out of the room.

“Hey.” Dave stopped in front of her just as the last person – Nepeta – slipped out the door. Face to face like this, he found himself tongue-tied. _What did I even want to talk to her about again?_ “Uh. So. Is everything… okay?”

“What do you mean?” Terezi cocked her head. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Great. Cool.” Dave stuck his hands in his pockets, feeling supremely _un_ cool. _Come on, dude. I know she usually does most of the talking, but –_ “Man, I don’t know what I was trying to achieve with this. I just…” He gestured futilely. “You wanna hang out, or something? We could, uh. Watch a movie, or. You know. Try our hand at any other kind of activity that’s available when you’re stuck in a crusty old building on a lifeless planet.”

Confused, Terezi looked between him and the door. “What? Right now?”

“Yeah, I guess. Nothin’ but time around here. If that’s okay with you?”

One of her fingers was picking at a freckle on her arm as she answered, “Sorry, no can do. I actually have plans with Vriska right after this.”

“Oh. Right. That’s cool.” He was about to rush into saying _forget it then,_ when he remembered the time she had invited him to the beach and all the other times she had singlehandedly roped him into hangout sessions and immediately felt like a coward. “What about tomorrow? Or any day this week, really. Like I said, nothin’ but time.”

He could already tell, just from the awkward grimace that twisted onto her face, that she was going to say no, but it was still kind of odd to him when it did come.

“I… don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said gently, eventually.

 _A good idea? All I did was suggest we hang out, when is that not a good idea?_ “Uh.” Dave paused, his mind desperately struggling to dredge up whatever he must have done to offend her, but he gave up when she winced and he remembered, _she has her mind shit anyway, goddamn it, I might as well being yelling all this pathetic insecure crap out loud,_ and said, “What do you mean by that?”

She smiled, but it wasn’t happy. “I think you know what I mean.”

 _No, I don’t, I have no idea,_ Dave’s mind supplied. _That’s why I asked._

Opposite him, Terezi let out a laugh that was clearly in response to that thought, and Dave was instantly embarrassed.

“Okay, so you don’t know what I mean,” she corrected, reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder. “So, I guess what I mean is, I think I should give you some time to figure it out.”

Before Dave could even begin to think about untangling that mess of a statement, Terezi was looking towards the door and saying, “We’ll talk another time, yeah? I really do have something to do with Vriska, she’s waiting outside right now.”

 

He agreed to her goodbyes numbly, and when she left the room he could see that Vriska had indeed been leaning against the wall outside, wearing an impatient frown. The two of them started sniping at one another, but he didn’t catch what they said, because the door shut and drowned out their voices and left him alone with his thoughts. 

 

_Did we just… break up?_

_Wait, no. I didn’t even ask if we were dating. Damn it, I meant to ask that. It’s so hard to focus around her when she’s being all silent, it’s like she’s sitting on the inside of my head, listening in on my every thought –_

 

By the time he realized what was happening, his feet had carried him out of the Biology lab on the familiar route to the East Wing common room – his usual free period haunt – where he flopped down onto one of the empty sofas and continued his unbroken line of thought.

 

_Is this some kind of a test? Does she think I don’t like her enough? Was I supposed to run after her and ask a whole bunch more times before she planned on saying yes? Or was it the movie that was the problem, was that not a romantic enough suggestion? Maybe that was it. I mean she did take me to the beach in France and everything. I didn’t even bother to think up something better than Netflix and chill, she must think I don’t like her._

_…_ do _I like her?_

The murmur of the common room started to dull his racing mind. Sollux was in the corner of the room making a cup noodle without using the kettle to heat the water, Eridan was getting an essay done, and Equius and Nepeta were scrapbooking in the corner.

 _I do like her. I think. That’s why I asked her to hang out, because I wanted to figure out exactly how much I like her. Because it would feel weird to break up with her like this, when nothing has even happened to cause a breakup. I mean it’s not like we’re having arguments or awkward hangouts or any kind of relationship troubles or anything. It’s more like we’re just friends who’ve kissed a whole bunch of times, sort of by accident. And we’re not even_ good _friends recently._

_…_

_Oh god, what if I tried to break up with her and she got all confused and said we were never even dating? I’d look like the twice-elected mayor of Chumpville._

_Yeah, okay, that’s not happening. I mean what even made me get the impression that we were a thing in the first place? Because we made out once or twice? It’s probably no big deal to her, I bet she thought it didn’t mean anything. Not like it did to me. I’m a newbie, I’ve never been in a relationship before._

The only other person in the room was Karkat, huddled on the sofa, sporting dishevelled hair and pyjama bottoms, reading a book with his earbuds in.

_I just want to get all this uncertainty over with. I feel bad having what amounts to a sort-of girlfriend. Especially since –_

“Aw, hey, KK. Didn’t go to class again today?” Dave said aloud to his miserable-looking best bro, forcibly drowning out his own thoughts. He didn’t get a response, but he went on, “Hey, _you_ still want to hang out with me, right?”

 

 _That_ got Karkat’s attention. The other boy took one earbud out and scowled at him, but it was one of his confused scowls. “Of course?”

Dave shot him a quick smile. “Cool. Just checking. You can put your headphones back in now.”

But Karkat’s emotional radar had been piqued, and there was no going back from that. “Uh, no, I think the fuck not.” He folded down a corner of his book and yanked his earbuds out, rubbing at the bags under his own eyes before assuming his usual interrogation position, hands braced on his knees. “So. What’s got you all conflicted?”

“Nothing, really.”

“No it _isn’t_ nothing,” Karkat snapped. “So don’t lie to me.”

“Okay, fine, jeez. It’s Terezi.” Dave paused, considering whether to tell the truth or the whole truth, and decided on the latter. “I think our relationship is pretty much at its end.”

“Oh, man. I’m sorry.”

Even though Dave should probably know better by now, he had still expected there to be some kind of sick, supressed glee in Karkat’s reaction to hearing that –  like, _finally!_ _Now’s my chance to win back the girl who I’ve been thinking of as my ‘one’ since age thirteen –_ but all he saw in the other boy’s face was honest regret.

He shrugged. “Nah. Don’t be. It’s kind of a mutual thing.” He paused, taking in Karkat’s exhausted face, then added, “Anyway. How are you?”

 

It was no secret that Karkat had been holding up badly since the conversation with Doc Scratch, and honestly, Dave didn’t blame him. He had barricaded himself in his room straight after, and Dave had skipped Physics to check on him but found that the only conditions under which Karkat agreed to open the door were ‘provided you shut up and watch this three-hour long documentary about deep-sea fish with me without uttering a single solitary syllable’.

And that had been Karkat’s general attitude all week now. He looked terrible – both furious and like he was about to burst into tears at any moment – but he refused to engage in a feelings-jam or anything even approaching feelings-jam territory. Part of Dave had surrendered to it, and was willing to just hang out and watch movies and listen to music and talk about meaningless things without trying to get Karkat to open up. He’d do that once he was ready. If there was one thing Karkat was rarely reluctant to do, it was speak his mind.

_Dude just needs time._

_Hell, don’t we all._

“I’m fine,” Karkat lied gruffly, rubbing at his nose.

“Whatever you say, man.” Sensing his bro needed some other form of cheering up, Dave decided to change the subject. “Hey, would you be up for listening to something I’ve been working on?”

Pushing his book out of his lap, Karkat shrugged. “Sure,” he said. “Can’t promise I’ll know the first fucking thing about it, but. I’ll take a listen.”

Also glad for a distraction, Dave got up. “Cool, I’ll go grab my gear real quick. I mean, not Strider-quick, can’t really be bothered to use my powers or anything, so I’ll just be regular quick. Don’t move.”

Panicking slightly for some reason, Karkat made to get up too. “Wait, if we’re making a date out of it then I’d better go put some actual pants on instead of this coffee-stained slob uniform – ”

“What?” Looking back at him, Dave snorted. “Man, no, don’t bother. It’s not like you need steam-pressed chinos on to listen to my ill tunes, stay comfy.” Karkat sank back down onto the cushions, rolling his eyes, and Dave added, “Besides, you know better than anyone your ass looks great in sweatpants.”

 

He winked jokingly, and then was out into the main corridor on his mission, instantly forgetting what he had said and leaving Karkat kind of stunned and red-faced.

 

Embarrassingly for Karkat, too, Sollux had heard all that. “When are you two just going to fuck already and get it over with?”

Karkat launched a cushion across the room with Olympian-level gusto, missing his roommate by an inch.

“Hey, there’s only two people who need to fuck around here, and it’s not me and Dave,” Karkat hissed, inching down further on the couch to hide his flush. “It’s _you_ and _yourself_.” He gave up pretending he wasn’t embarassed and buried his face in his hands.

Unbothered, Sollux laughed and left the room with his cup noodle, his social interaction done for the day, and Karkat had a few minutes more to collect himself before Dave showed up again, pretty ‘regular quick’ just like he had promised, holding his turntables.

 

“Okay, I’m going to play you some of my newest mixes but they’re still works in progress and also you’ve got to promise not to write a, like, full scathing review picking apart every flaw like you tend to do with movies because I don’t know if my heart could take that,” Dave babbled, setting the gear down on the table in a mess of electronics and wires.

“Dude, relax. Like I said, I don’t know a single fucking thing about music.”

Karkat waited patiently while Dave set everything up, plugging wires in god-knows-where and flicking what seemed like endless switches before it was all ready, and when he was offered one half of a pair of earbuds, he unhesitatingly took it.

 

 

Thirty-two minutes later, Equius and Nepeta had finished their scrapbook and left the room to go LARP with Tavros, and Dave and Karkat had managed to peacefully, and mostly quietly, listen to a whole bunch of Dave’s latest projects.

 

Thirty-three minutes later, Dave finally let himself sneak a peek to his left. The track wasn’t over yet, but he couldn’t contain his impatience to hear Karkat’s opinion any longer. “So. What do you think?”

He found that Karkat was frowning, kind of unconsciously nodding his head along as he listened with intense concentration. _That’s cute._ “I like the uh. The beat,” he offered.

“Really now?” Dave teased, turning the volume down so they could hear the sound of their own voices. “You like the beat? Is that what you like? The beat?”

Karkat sat back with a groan. If nothing else, it looked like he had been successfully distracted – if only momentarily – from his depression. “Yeah. Urgh. Okay. If you can pretend to like Titanic then I can pretend I know the difference between a good beat and a bad beat.”

“I _do_ like Titanic.”

“Yeah fucking right.”

Dave got an idea. “Okay, what about this one, then? I think you’ll like this one.”  He selected a different mix and let it play, turning the volume up again. Once it was a few seconds in, he looked over to Karkat for his reaction, biting his lip to suppress a smile.

For the first beats of the song, Karkat just looked confused. “Doesn’t this sound a lot like the other one? Beatboxing, weird keyboard settings, stuff repeating over and over for no real reaso – wait a fucking minute, is that _Celine Dion?”_

“It sure the hell is.” His awestruck delight was everything Dave had hoped for. _I knew sampling My Heart Will Go On was the best fucking idea. When would it not be? That song is fucking killer._

“Dave you’re a wizard of sound.” Karkat listened for a bit more, then said, “Fuck, send this to me. I want to make it my ringtone.”

“Really? Do you really think it’s good? Cause I wasn’t sure about this one, that’s why I didn’t finish it – ”

Karkat interrupted him. “Fuck that, who cares whether or not it’s _good,_ just finish it because it’s going to be my ringtone either goddamn way.”

That sent a warm feeling coursing over Dave’s skin, followed by a prickle of panic when he realized that Karkat must’ve felt it, too. But no – the other boy was too engrossed, and it didn’t seem like he had noticed anything, even though the two of them were sitting so close together on that couch that they may as well have been touching. But that thought didn’t help at all, and the warm feeling just kept getting worse and worse, until it was damn near burning, and all Dave could think was, _wow, literally all he said was that he kind of liked my music._

_Wait, is this what Dirk was talking about?_

 

Managing to hold himself together pretty damn well, Dave got to his feet. “Hold up. Bathroom break.”

Karkat nodded, still listening intently to the song as Dave walked out of the room.

 

As soon as the door swung shut behind him, Dave dropped down into a squat and put his head in his hands, and let the floodgates totally give way.

_Yeah, okay, I can’t ignore it anymore, that was definitely a… twinge. A twinge of something._

_Shit._

_Shit._

_No._

_No, wait, no, I can’t let this happen. I can’t let this get fucked up. Not this time, it’s too important. He’s the only real friend I have, I’m not going to throw that away on some dumb whim, on something that could wreck both of us. Not after we finally got stuff figured out. Remember how we used to fight? I don’t think I could handle it being like that again, not after knowing how much I’m capable of liking the guy. Not after I’ve seen how miserable he was after the breakup with Terezi._

_I can’t do this. I can’t even entertain this idea._

“Right,” Dave announced out loud, straightening up. “That’s decided.”

 

He pushed through the door, re-entering the common room. Karkat looked up in surprise, then held out the other earbud as Dave came closer.

“That was a quick bathroom break,” he said.

Dave shrugged and flopped down next to him, accepting his side of the pair of headphones. “Used my powers.”

 

 

 

Dirk and Jake broke up at dinner that evening.

 

It happened while Dave was in the middle of telling Kanaya about the time when Rose had dyed her hair black and ended up with the grossest zebra roots in history and Rose was in the middle of trying to change the subject. There was some commotion coming from one of the upperclassmen’s table – which wasn’t unusual for dinner at Doc Scratch’s, but that didn’t mean that everyone wasn’t going to listen in anyway.

“Pardon my language, but what in the name of jumpin’ jehosaphat kind of stunt do you think you’re pulling, Dirk?”

Stopping his story right at the good part (the part where it turned out Rose’s full-on goth phase was just the result of a huge crush on Amy Lee), Dave craned his neck to see what was going on. Over on Porrim and Latula’s table, Jake English was now hovering five feet in the air, looking down furiously at Dirk, who was occupying the gap between Aranea and the place where Jake had presumably been until moments before.

Dirk looked up at him, amused. “Sitting next to my boyfriend.”

“But you were sitting over there just now!” Jake pointed across the room, to where another version of Dirk was sharing a plate of chicken tenders with Roxy.

Dirk shrugged. “Well now I’m over here. Hi.” He pulled Jake’s plate towards himself, his shoulders slightly hunched with the awareness of the whole room’s avid attention on him and his Jake Drama.

“Wait.” Jake paused, apparently taking in the situation a little more, and then added, “Don’t tell me this is all because I’m simply sitting and enjoying a friendly chat with my _good lady chum_ Aranea?”

“Okay. I won’t.”

Jake slapped his leg, outraged. “Good Christ, it is, isn’t it! This clingy malarkey is yet another example of your jealous habits wriggling their way into the light like so many foul biblical snakes of yore, isn’t it? It is, isn’t it!?”

“I thought you said you didn’t want me to tell you?” Dirk muttered, picking idly at the food on the plate he had taken from Jake. “And your metaphor is a little flawed.”

That made it worse, obviously. “Don’t you go picking semantic battles with me, Strider! I’ve told you a million times that you’re going to have to gosh darn well learn how to handle me talking to other people without getting peevish, even if said people _just coincidentally_ happen to resemble a particular fictional tomb-raiding actress I’ve harboured rather monumental feelings for since a young age –  ah, sorry Aranea – ”

“No worries.” Aranea looked probably less embarrassed than she should about being very publicly stuck in the middle of all this. _Serkets, man._

Dirk sat back, pushing the plate away and folding his arms. “What’s the matter, Jake?” he said, sounding slightly goading. “Don’t you enjoy my company?”

“You know ruddy well that’s not the case, Dirk, but – but –” Jake sputtered, and everyone braced themselves, knowing what was coming well in advance. “Well, you know what, maybe I _don’t,_ these days! Not when you’re doing your whole award-winning jerkwad routine, anyhow, that’s for sure!”

 _There it is._ Wincing, Dave looked over at Dirk, and found that he was wearing an expression that was both pained and angry.

“If you can’t stand the fucking sight of me, why don’t you break up with me, then?” he said, his voice strained.

And Jake – “Fine! That’s it, then! Consider it _done!_ ”

 

 _Wham._ Jake kicked off the table and flew up to the stained-glass window at the front of the dining hall. After struggling to find a catch for a full minute, he looked back down, face bright red, and yelled “ _What_ are you all _staring_ at?”, and zoomed straight out of the usual door instead.

Dave looked around – first next to Aranea, and then next to Roxy – and found that both of Dirk’s duplicates had completely faded away.

 

Just as the room started to regain some sound, with people muttering their commentary on that latest happening to one another, Dave stood up. “I’m going to go check on him.”

“Which one?” Rose asked.

“Which one do you think?” he said, rolling his eyes, and then mouthed, _dad._

“I see.” Rose raised her eyebrows. “I suppose it won’t be necessary to tell you that he won’t want to talk to you?”

“Nope,” Dave said, and then zipped out of sight.

 

“ _Striders,”_ Rose said exasperatedly, cupping her chin in her hand.

Her girlfriend smiled at her, wisely not pointing out that she was genetically just as bad. “Anyway,” Kanaya pointed out, smile growing wider. “Were we not talking about a certain lead singer of a certain Evanescence? Shouldn’t we get back to that?”

Rose groaned.

 

He found the only remaining version of Dirk straightaway.

_Knew he would be up here. Striders and high places._

Letting his unsubtle footsteps announce his presence, Dave walked across the roof of the conservatory, towards where his nineteen-year-old genetic father was sitting on the edge, gelled hair silhouetted against a Tropicana-orange sky.

 

“I don’t want to talk,” Dirk said as he got closer. It was obvious he was in the middle of a heated conversation with that computer version of himself that lived inside his Kamina glasses. _Yep. Talking to himself on a whole new level._

“I know.” Dave stopped a few feet away from him. “Just checking you’re not planning on… throwing yourself off or anything. Because it might seem like a good plan now, but I don’t think Jake’s really in the mindset to come and catch you before you shatter into a thousand pieces.”

“Go away, Dave.”

Dave held his hands up, recognizing that particular statement may not have been the best start when it came to trying to comfort a person. “Okay, yeah, fair enough.”

 

But just before he was about to climb back down the side of the conservatory, mission failed, Dirk called out to him one last time.

 

“Hey. I’m going to tell you what I would tell myself if I could go back in time two years.” He turned back, just enough that Dave could see his nose and eyelashes in profile, looking vulnerable without his glasses. “Stay the fuck away from dating. Especially when you’re dealing in severely limited options within a confined space.”

“…Wasn’t planning on it.” Too late, he remembered Terezi, but it seemed like Dirk knew exactly what was up on that front, because he snorted.

“Get real. I don’t have to be a Pyrope to know that you like that verbose Latino kid more than enough to try it out.” He sighed, setting his glasses to one side to prop his elbows on his knees and stare moodily out at the evening horizon. “Who am I kidding. Karkat is a decent dude. He would probably treat you right. It’s the dashing ones that tend to cause a problem.” Then he sighed again, harder. “Nah, actually, do me a favor and tell me to shut the fuck up, ‘cause I’m being totally unfair. I was the problem, 100 percent.”

“No…”

He shrugged. “Yeah, well, I comprised a large enough percentage of the problem for it to be nothing short of an act of gross hypocrisy to blame Jake." He rubbed his palms over his face, exhaling through his nose, then added, helplessly, "It’s just how I am. I hurt everyone I come into contact with, even when I’m not trying. I’m a terrible fucking person.”

The sun was just beginning to go down in the sky, dying all the school’s gardens and the fields in the distance bright red, when Dirk said, “It feels shitty to say it, but… maybe Striders aren’t capable of being loved. We’re not whole enough.”

 

 

 

avidCarnivore [AC] posted on group discussion titled "ship: PUMPKIN COUPLE" on board SKAIANET.

AC: (╯_╰)

avidCarnivore [AC] locked group discussion "ship: PUMPKIN COUPLE".

 

 

On the walk back to his bedroom, Dave had a hell of a lot that was demanding to be thought about, and he didn’t know where to start.

 

Yeah, actually, he did. _Dating Karkat. He thinks I want to date Karkat. He thinks it’s really obvious that I want to date Karkat. For how long, I wonder? And how come it wasn’t obvious to me until, like, this week? Yeah, I guess I always knew that it was an option. It just wasn’t an option for_ me, _is all._

He turned a corner.

_Fuck, how come I’m choosing to forget what Dirk actually said, here? This is everything I was afraid of: Striders hurt people when we try and get close to them, because we’re severely emotionally stunted, and just plain fucking bad at relationships. Even with other boys. Especially with other boys. Even if I were gay – which I might, uh, not be – it’s not like trying out a relationship with my best fucking friend who is a heightened emotional wreck himself just because I got it into my head that it might be fun would be all that stellar of an idea._

_Besides. I don’t even know if Karkat would want to date me anyway. A couple of times I thought he did, but then, he’s like that with pretty much everyone. He just feels a lot. I thought it was mostly all just fooling around._

_God. Now I’m thinking about it, I. Really want to know. Does he like me? Like that? Even a little bit? Even a little bit would be nice._

_I guess that’s as good a place to start as any. Especially because if the answer is no, then that’s that idea brought to abrupt halt right at the starting gate._

_Okay. Okay._

turntechGodhead [TG] began chatting with  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: you know where the attic is right  
TG: meet me there  
CG: OF COURSE I KNOW WHERE THE FUCKING ATTIC IS, IT’S IN THE SAME PLACE IT IS IN EVERY BUILDING.  
CG: BUT, WHAT?  
CG: WHY?  
TG: just do it man i have to talk to you

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased chatting with  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: WHAT IS SO SHIT-SPITTING IMPORTANT THAT IT CAN’T BE SAID OVER SKAIANET IN A MANNER THAT ALLOWS ME TO STAY TUCKED UP IN THE COMFORT AND SAFETY OF MY ROOM?  
TG is idle.  
CG: OH, FOR GOD’S SAKE. WHAT A DRAMA QUEEN.  
CG: THIS BETTER BE GOOD.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]

 

 

 

“Alright, here I am.” Karkat tried to put his hands on his hips and look inconvenienced, which was difficult when he was hefting himself up a woodworm-eaten ladder. “Now what’s the emergency?”

 

The attic was the dustiest room in a very dusty building. It was stacked with unlabelled boxes and old furniture covered with cobwebs, and Aradia had once confirmed that it was haunted. Despite that, it had this one kind of nice little round glass window that looked out to where the sun was currently setting, and that let a perfect circular slice of pink light into the room, lighting it up warm.

Dave had only come up here once before, and that was when he and Rose had been investigating the school in those first few weeks, looking for incriminating details. The attic had seemed like the perfect place to hide dirty secrets. All they had found had been rusted antiques and probably six new types of fungus, though.

“Uh, Dave, are you alright?”

He jumped. Karkat was squatting in front of him, waving a hand before his face. “Hello? Earth to Dave? Paging you from way way out of the solar system?”

“Oh. Sorry.” He sat up properly, making the carboard box behind him wobble and almost crushing his shades, removed from his face because of the dim light, underneath him. His mouth was bone dry. “Yeah, I’m alright.”

Now that he was paying attention, he took in every detail of the Karkat right in front of him in one go. _Hair curling up at the nape of his neck. Concerned line between the eyebrows. Square jaw. Lower eyelashes. Tooth gap on display, because his mouth’s open, because he’s talking –_

“ – nervous as fuck, did something happen?”

 _Of course. Of course he picked up on how I’m feeling,_ Dave thought. “Nope.” Then he reconsidered, actually hearing the question for the first time. “Not yet?”

That rightly confused Karkat. The concerned line between his eyebrows got deeper, and Dave leant back against the cardboard box, calculating, and then didn’t even bother to hide his weird impulse to reach out and smooth over that line with a finger.

 

Karkat started, then stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes.

_Yep. You heard me._

“...Not yet?” Karkat echoed shakily, averting his eyes. Apparently he was totally willing to ignore whatever he must have just felt coming from Dave in favor of continuing the conversation like nothing had happened. “What’s that supposed to mean? Has Rose been prophesising your imminent doom again?”

“Nah. Hey, Karkat, do you like me?”

 

 

Karkat couldn’t have gone more still if all the air had been sucked out of the room. And even though he was the one who had said it, Dave kind of felt like that had happened, too. His hands, which were flat against the cold ground on either side of him, were trembling.

“…Do I. What?” That was Karkat's reply.

“You heard me,” Dave said, out loud this time. “So. Do you?”

Face betraying every one of the million emotions that were flashing through him, Karkat sat back on his haunches. Most of all he was looking like he was considering bolting right back down the ladder if that hadn’t been an action that would’ve totally solidified any potential guilt. He did start to subtly back away, though.

_Does he? Does he like me? What does that expression mean? He looks - worried - flustered, too, but that doesn't necessarily mean -_

Finally Karkat found words. Not particularly graceful ones, but: “I – why would you even ask me that all of a – ” He spluttered, then apparently saw a foolproof escape route and jumped on it. “Wait, wait a minute, do _you_ like _me?”_

Dave groaned. “No, come on, I asked you first.”

“I’m not – I’m not going to answer until you tell me why _you’re_ asking, first.”

“Because I want to know,” Dave replied, hating the flippant, cowardly shrug he paired with that statement the second he did it. _I mean, that's kind of the truth, but..._

 

 

As Dave would’ve been able to predict if he had thought about this plan for more than five seconds, after hearing that, Karkat gained an expression that suggested that there was no way in hell the next thing to come out of his mouth was going to be anything close to honest, level-headed answer. His jaw was set but his eyes were wide. Dave had him cornered, unexpectedly, in this dumb, dusty attic, like a wild owl that had somehow got in through the window and was set to panic-destroy all the fine china if Dave got one step closer.

Dave raised an eyebrow. _Well?_

And so, as was only appropriate, Karkat lashed out. “Wh – This is _unfair._ You can’t just…” He gestured fruitlessly, his voice cracking. “You can’t just put me on the spot like this without even telling me why you’re asking, you must know you can't just expect me to - do you know what an insensitive dick fucking move that is, Strider!? Do you realize what you're - I - and here I thought we were _friends_ \- ”

 _Oh shit._ Karkat seriously looked like he was about to burst into angry tears.

 _Fuck, hurting his feelings definitely wasn’t part of the plan. Did I make it seem like I was pissed at him or something? Or like I had some reason to know for sure that he liked me? Because I don’t. Does he think I’m homophobic? I guess he would kind of have a reason if he did. God, why was I such a dickhead in the past. God, why am I still such a dickhead –_ “Dude, don’t worry, it’s not a big deal if you do – ”

And just like that, the hurt was beaten out with anger. With his still-blurry eyes now narrowed, Karkat slammed a fist against the wall. “Fuck _you_ it’s not a big deal, you facetious asshole – !”

Dave held his hands up. “No, I didn’t mean – wait, was that a yes?”

It was too late. Karkat stood up, mouth twisted into a snarl, and spat, “Go to hell!” at him.

"Wait - Karkat - " But no, he was moving towards the ladder, shoulders hunched defensively, a buzzing air of anger and upset coming off him, and Dave's brain went, _oh god, oh fuck, he’s totally right, even though he doesn’t know the half of it, this wasn’t the right way to do this, this was underhand, this was unfair, this was the coward’s way out, 100% –_

Regardless – or maybe because of that – he did what he had intended to do right from the beginning: shut his eyes, and reset the timeline.

 

 

 

“– lo? Earth to Dave? Paging you from way way out of the…”

 

Dave opened his eyes. Karkat was in front of him, looking normal and unflustered and waving a hand in his face, but that changed as soon as Dave laid eyes on him. He pulled his hand back, a look of confusion crossing his face, then stared at Dave with suspicion coloring his features.

“…What was that?” he said slowly.

“What?” Dave replied, rattled. This had never happened before, but then again, he had never used his reset powers around other people before, unless you counted Doc Scratch that one time, which he didn’t. Also, he was still recovering from the deleted confrontation which had gone to such an immense amount of shit that he was kind of in disbelief that it could’ve been wiped away so easily.

“Something happened just then,” Karkat said, eyebrows drawing together, closing his face off. “I felt it. It was like your emotions – jumped, I guess. Unnaturally. They were one thing and then suddenly… another completely different thing.” He frowned at Dave. “…Did you. Did you do something?”

 

_So it’s not a clean slate, after all. Not around the empath, at least._

Dave shut his eyes and let a long breath out through his nose, head knocking back against the cardboard box.

_Ok. Right. Here’s my chance to make up for chickening out. Although I could just lie, and say I paused time for a bit –_

“I reset the timeline,” he said, cutting himself off before he had the chance to be a coward again. “You came up here, and we had a bad conversation – an argument - and I reset the timeline to before the argument happened. Because that’s a thing I can do now,” he tacked onto the end, as if that was necessary.

“You… what? Reset?” Karkat looked like that barely computed. Dave couldn’t blame him. It was a hell of a revelation. “We argued? ...What was the argument about?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Karkat scowled, indignant. “Hold on, yes it fucking does! If you’re going to obliterate it from the face of spacetime so that only you get to remember it, don’t you think I also at least have the right to know? Considering I’m an interested party.”

That sounded pretty fair, but there was also no way in hell that Dave was going to admit he had been using his powers as a cheap way of finding out if Karkat had a crush on him, so he stayed silent.

“ …What are you not telling me?” Karkat said slowly, detecting something. _Guilt._

“Leave it, Karkat, I don’t want to start it up all over again,” Dave said wearily, but he could sense that it was starting up again anyway, different from before.

And so it was. "Don't you dare brush me off like that, what the fuck!" Though obviously furious, Karkat paused for a second after saying that, waiting pointedly, but Dave just avoided his eyes. "Oh, seriously, come on, what kind of absolute bullshit do you think you're pulling here and now?! Hey, dipshit, did you ever for a second stop and think about how this new unwelcome revelation and apparent _usage_ of an entirely fresh and previously unadvertised Strider power might make _me_ feel?” Karkat yelled, as if Dave couldn’t feel the answer to that question radiating from him firsthand. _Suddenly, stressed. Confused. Hurt._

_...he thinks I’m betraying him, somehow?_

“So now suddenly you can just hit _undo_ on bad decisions as many times as you like, huh? Isn’t that great for you! Must be nice!” Karkat moved closer, pointing a finger in Dave’s face.

He tried to swat it away, tiredly. “Why are you getting so angry about this?”

“ _Why am I getting angry about this?_ ” Karkat hissed, voice threatening to get a hell of a lot louder with each passing word. “You do realize this puts me in the supremely pathetic position where you’ve somehow cheated your way into knowing more about me than even I do, right? How the hell am I going to be able to _trust_ you when apparently you’re out here able to conduct conversations with me that I don’t even have the luxury of remembering _or_ experiencing, where I’m exposing god knows _what_ about myself, where I’m once again left completely fucking _vulnerable_ to the machinations of your _goddamn_ oh-so-magnificent time powers – ”

“Vulnerable?” Dave snapped. The end of that rant had struck a chord in him, and made him angry, too. “Then how the fuck do you think I feel?  With _your_ powers, every time we’re in a room together you have the distinct advantage of being able to gauge exactly how I’m feeling no matter how much I don’t want you to, how’s that for fucking _vulnerable?”_

“Yeah, maybe you’re right! Maybe _you’re fucking right,_ but the difference is that I can’t fucking help it, Dave, I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, I swear on my shitty useless mutant life!” Karkat’s voice broke, and gave out, but he kept speaking, furious and upset but mostly upset. “So if I do then I’m sorry but it’s _not the same_ because I can’t turn it off _even though I want to_!”

 

And then, before Dave even had the chance to process what an asshole he had been, Karkat burst into tears, and made him realize it in one cold instant.

 

 _Shitty useless mutant life._ That was the phrase that Dave heard most clearly.

 

With the tears, Karkat had curled in on himself, burying his face in his hands. _God, I forgot how bad this is. When Karkat’s upset, I get upset, and when I get upset, Karkat gets more upset, and –_

He reached out and touched the other boy’s shoulder, somehow feeling even worse when he was rewarded with a flinch. “Karkat, man, I’m really sorry,” he said awkwardly, desperate with the need to comfort his friend but unable to find the right words. “Fuck, I really didn’t mean to make you cry, that’s the last thing I wanted. I won’t use that power to do that again, I promise, I had pretty much decided that anyway before you even started yelling at me.”

“Fuck you,” Karkat said in a watery voice, but it looked like his sudden outburst had released a lot of his steam. Now he was just sniffling, handling the fallout.

“Yeah, I know, sorry,” Dave agreed. “Also please don’t call yourself a mutant.”

“Why the fuck shouldn’t I?” Karkat snapped, scrubbing at his eyes. “It’s what _he_ called me.”

“Well, yeah, maybe, but… okay, fine, call yourself a mutant, whatever. But who cares about that? It just means that your powers aren’t going to change, or – ” he bit his tongue, deciding it wasn’t the right time to mention the ‘final fight’ that Scratch had brought up. “ – Anyway, isn’t it fine if you just do your thing? It doesn’t matter whether you get better or not. You’re still a ‘Supernatural Adolescent’. You still belong here. And even if you didn't it wouldn't matter because none of us know what we're doing anyway.”

"Easy for you to say," Karkat sniffed. "Mr Timeline Reset. Mr Top Fucking Student. Fuck." 

He covered his face with his hands again, muffling his own voice.

"Why do I always get the short end of the stick on every fucking thing," he mumbled into his palms. "Fucking mutant. Fucking empath. Fucking undateable."

Dave’s first instinct was to deny those things, but two of them would’ve been directly untrue and one of them unproveable. So he paused, then asked, instead, “Uh…do you want a hug?”

 “Yes,” Karkat responded tearfully without missing a beat.

 

And that was how they ended up hugging, uncomfortably, on their knees, in a room that was now almost completely dark. But Dave couldn’t possibly say for what reason he then decided it would be a good idea to press a kiss onto the crown of Karkat’s head.

Maybe it was because it was right there, under his chin, and the hair whorl was visible and the curls were sort of touching his nose, or maybe it was because Karkat smelled a lot like the exact same unclaimed lemon shampoo that everyone stole from the one remaining bottle in the boys’ wing, or maybe it was because he had made Karkat cry and didn’t know how to get him to stop and this was the last trick he didn’t even know he had left up his sleeve. Or maybe it was just that he had been wanting to do it for a long time. All he knew for sure was that he came out of that one just as surprised as Karkat, who went completely tense in his arms, _definitely_ feeling it happen, and then slowly pulled away, looking up at him in what could only be described as pure, absolute shock.

“Uh, sorry,” Dave meant to say, but instead, in yet another massive mistake, he leaned down and kissed Karkat on his shock-parted mouth.

 

…

_Shit. Fuck._

He pulled back, licking his numb lips _(don’t do that, dude, what are you doing)_ and went to try for the first option again. He got halfway there – “Uh,” – before Karkat was on him, head tilted to one side, kissing him harder than he had ever been kissed or ever wanted to be kissed again, considering that one of the dude’s teeth caught Dave’s lower lip pretty hard on the way in. But that didn’t seem so important right then.

Only one thing seemed important. _Holy fuck. We’re kissing._

_Who would’ve thought._

Other than the tooth issue, it was horribly gentle. He could feel that Karkat’s cheek was still tear-damp from where it was pressed against his.

 

 

Then it was over. Karkat pulled away first, blinking his eyes back open, and as soon as Dave came back to himself he realized, just from looking at his face, that Karkat was about to freak out. And then he realized that he was about to freak out, too.

He pulled his arms free – they had still been around Karkat’s shoulders from the initial hug – and groped around on the floor for his glasses. Part of him was fumbling for an idea of what to do, and it quickly came up with _reset the timeline, take it back, start over._ But he didn’t.

“I don’t – ” _When did Karkat get to his feet? And what’s he saying now._ “I don’t – that didn’t – ” Karkat took a deep breath, and Dave couldn’t help but notice he had his fingertips pressed to his upper lip. He pulled them away once he saw Dave looking, and said, “Let’s just, agree to forget that happened. You know how my powers are, they just make things… weird, and people end up doing things they don’t really – ” He stopped abruptly, looking around himself with bewildered desperation, and then announced, “I’m going for a walk.”

 

He left. Dave’s brain was still struggling to catch up. His mouth tasted of blood now, from his own lip.

 

 _Oh. Empath powers._ He leant his head against back the wall with a dull thud. _Was that what that was?_

 

Once he felt steady enough he stood up, and looked out the window to see Karkat, head down and shoulders tense, walking out of the front gate of the school with his hands shoved firmly in his pockets. The stars were out above the gardens, now.

For some reason, Dave got the feeling that Karkat was about to sense him watching, or something – it seemed like he was almost about to turn back and look up at the little round attic window he had left behind – so he slowed time, gradually, until it was completely halted and even the stars were still and Karkat was frozen mid-step. Then he flopped down, back against the wall, and sat there in the frozen time, dumbfounded.


	16. Chapter 16

In the morning, Dave woke up well before he needed to or before anyone else was, and spent a lot of time restlessly pacing around the school grounds by himself in the cold sunlight. The inside of his head was like a maelstrom except someone had hit mute on it, so he knew he was feeling a hell of a lot of things but he didn’t know exactly what or why.

Towards eight o’clock, people started to stir – teachers trudging out of hallways and kids coming down the stairs for breakfast – and every time someone came within a ten foot radius of him, he would dart into the nearest alcove and wait it out. For some reason, he didn’t want to talk to anyone just yet.

With the exception of one person.

But Karkat, who was usually impossible to miss and easy to locate, remained mysteriously out of sight. After lurking for the better part of an hour by the Biology lab where he and Karkat were due to share a double period, he was forced to admit that his best friend probably wasn’t going to show. And so, after resigning himself to skipping all of his morning classes – _can’t concentrate on enzymes when I’m suffering through some inner fucking turmoil of the first degree, I’m sure the Disciple will understand –_ and, despite his guilt over doing it, Dave used his powers to search the entire school.

Fortunately for his uneasy conscience, Karkat was still nowhere to be found. The common room had emptied out after class started, the library only contained Kankri and Latula, studying under opposite windows, and the bench by the pond where Karkat sometimes liked to sit and read on the very few occasions he felt like dragging himself out of the gloom of the school building was miserably unoccupied. In a fit of desperation, Dave even checked the attic where he had made Karkat cry last night, and the tree stump in the woods where he had accidentally seen Karkat crying alone on their first day, but those were both empty except for spiders and bats respectively.

The last and only place Karkat could’ve possibly been was behind the locked door of his and Sollux’s bedroom. When Dave flashstepped down into the gardens he saw that the room’s curtains were pulled, a single black square in the row of windows.

_Fuck. Is this bad?_

He considered knocking, but something stopped him. Instead, he managed to convince himself that the best course of action was to go and find Sollux and ask him about it.

 

“Hm. He was in a pretty weird mood this morning,” Sollux said, once Dave located him in Feferi’s room, wearing what was quite obviously one of her t-shirts from the way it hung off his scrawny frame and had a picture of Spongebob Squarepants printed on the front. Feferi herself had waved to Dave once Sollux had opened the door, then returned to sprinkling handfuls of dried worms into a tank of alarmingly grey-looking squid things. “He said he was skipping class because he wasn’t feeling great. And really I’m not surprised he’s not feeling great considering he didn’t try to get even one minute of sleep last night.”

“Oh.” That gave Dave reason to pause. He hadn’t gotten much sleep, either. “…What was he doing?”

“Pacing, driving me nuts, muttering to himself. I don’t know, don’t ask me. I was busy trying to ignore him.” Sollux frowned, like something had just occurred to him. “Also, no offense, but why come here? He’s _your_ friend, just knock on the door and ask him yourself, you don’t have to bother me about it. Or did something happen between you two?” He immediately sniggered, not bothering to wait for a reply. “Don’t tell me you finally got sick of his prattling and stuck your tongue down his throat to shut him up?”

Maybe his face gave him away, because Sollux’s eyes went wide behind his bifocal glasses and he said, “Wait, seriously?”

Dave had just opened his mouth, maybe to unwisely correct him – _there was no, there was no tongue involved, uh, just teeth mostly, I think, don’t really remember, I was emotionally compromised at the time_ – when there was a series of yells from the opposite stairwell.

 

Both of them stumbled into the main wing to see Aranea there, shoulders tense, looking around from the base of the stairs like she didn’t quite know what to do. “Quick,” she yelled, to no-one in particular, “Someone get the Doloro – someone get the – someone get Jane!”

“What the hell is going on?” Sollux hissed.

“We don’t know!” Aranea snapped back, rude and panicked, and instead of trying to get a better answer, Sollux pushed right past her and ran up the steps into the South Wing.

 

When Dave followed him, and headed over to the open door from which the commotion seemed to be emanating with Feferi hot on his heels, he was faced with a completely unexpected scene.

There was a cake on the table of Rufioh’s bedroom, candles still flickering, and the floor was covered with streamers. Most of the upperclassmen were there, and all of them were wearing party hats and horrified expressions. In front of them, sprawled on the ground and bloody and covered over partially with streamers, was Rufioh. And from his back sprouted a pair of semi-transparent wings, glossy like a membrane and unpleasantly slick.

Rufioh groaned, his face pressed into the carpet. The wings twitched, and unfolded a little more, crackling. They were almost as big as his body. They looked exactly like the Summoner’s.

 

A few of the upperclassmen noticed Dave and Sollux standing in the doorway, just as Jane arrived and hurried over to pat frantically at the now-unconscious Rufioh’s cheeks. The flames on the candles had guttered out without anyone blowing on them.

“What the hell is going on?” Sollux whispered, even though a buzz of panic was now rising to replace the shocked silence.

Porrim, who heard, raised her now-empty confetti cannon somewhat sheepishly, not taking her eyes off where Jane and Horuss were managing to drag Rufioh’s limp form to its feet with his arms slung over their shoulders.

“It’s his twentieth birthday today,” she muttered.

 

 

Before lunchtime a thread had gone up.

 

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] opened group discussion titled "freaky happenins squad" on board SKAIANET.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  opened discussion to  SKAIANET USERS:  tentacleTherapist [TT] and timaeusTestified [TT] and turntechGodhead [TG]

TG: ok first things first  
TG: is anyoen else that i dont know about due an invitation to this strategic meeting of the minds  
TG: b/c if so you gotta let me know ASAP  
TG: since i am after all the solitary keeper of these sacred threads  
TG: wit all my arcane wizardly moderator powers  
TG: and i alone wield the ability to unlock the digital gate that shall let the unsuspencting mortals in  
TG: provided the right password be furtively whispered and dope secret handshake perfectly exchanged  
TG: (imagine im like)  
TG: (stroking my floor-length beard with one gnarly hand as i say all that)  
TG: (helps w/ the immersion)  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to discussion.  
TG: i really hate to burst your bubble but we are literally all skaianet mods  
TG: jades not stingy when it comes to handing out that power  
timaeusTestified [TT] responded to discussion.  
TT: Please just play along. Or else we’ll be here all day.  
TT: And Roxy, to respond to your excruciatingly long and admittedly narratively rich question: No, I haven't told anyone else about our findings in regard to Scratch.  
TT: Not even Jake.  
TG: wait not even jake??  
TT: Nope.  
TT: Frankly, I considered it an act of thoughtfulness to hold my tongue.  
TT: And I still do. The less people who have to tread water in the fetid toilet bowl of Scratch-related conspiracy theories, the better.  
TT: It fucking reeks down here.  
TG: hmm well  
TG: ok  
TG: you do you di stri  
TG: i told janey but she didnt believe me so i guess it doesnt really count  
TT: Figures.  
TG: yup!  
TG: anyway howsabouts our twins  
TT: …‘Our’?  
TG: did either of you younguns go flappin your lips  
TG: spilling mad scratch secrets to hapless innocents  
TT: Roxy.  
TT: Please don’t call them ‘our’ twins.  
TG: lassoing em by the ankles and pulling em down to come hang with the rest of us meddling kids out here in the rank sewers of forbidden knowledge as DS so eloquently put it  
TG: if so  
TG: speak now  
TG: or forever hold your piss  
TT: …  
TG: OH SHIT!!!!  
TG: lol  
TG: i think i accidentally started rapping there  
TT: I think so too.  
TG: hoo boy  
TG: truly i am daves genemother  
TT: Okay, for real though, how many more pointed strings of ellipses do I need to expend before you’ll even consider stopping with that?  
TG: sorry  
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to discussion.  
TT: I told Kanaya.  
TG: and i told karkat actually  
TT: Is that it? Kanaya and Karkat Actually? No one else?  
TT: No.  
TT: And I’ll just add that I told her in utmost confidence, so I have no doubt that her lips have stayed firmly and loyally sealed on the matter.  
TG: yeah me and karkat  
TG: uh  
TG: dont really have any other friends to tell honestly  
TG: great!!  
TG: looks like this discussion will be just us strilondes and the inlaws then  
TG: wh  
TG: isnt that kinda lovely when you think about it?  
TG: like a great big family thanksgiving dinner  
TG: except my daughter and her wife arent even married and my son and his husband arent even dating  
TG: and its may  
TG: and also theres no turkey bc its not a meal its a stealthy message board convo abt a murderous jackass  
TT: …  
TG: and also also despite having produced two BEAUTYFUL kids me and my husband have never had sex  
TT: Roxy.  
TG: yeah i know  
TG: i wish i could hit un-enter on that one too  
TT: Just add the rest of the participants before I do it.  
TG: gotcha  


tipsyGnostalgic [TG] opened discussion to SKAIANET USERS:  carcinoGeneticist [CG] and grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to discussion.  
CG: UH, EXCUSE ME?  
CG: WHAT?  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to discussion.  
GA: I Second The What  
TG: dw youll get the hang of it as we go  
TG: ok now let the actual serious business begin

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] retitled group discussion “serious biznizz squad”.

TG: k  
TG: right  
TG: we have been gathered here 2day because we six form the burdened council of peeps who know about scratchs ghastly clone science business  
CG: OH.  
CG: RIGHT.  
TG: yep  
TG: and in light of recent circumstances  
TG: dirk and i thought it would be a good idea to hold a meeting  
TG: but  
TG: alas  
TG: a CERTAIN SOMEONE  
TG: (ahem)  
TG: is refusing to come out of his room  
TG: in favor of sulking and writing sad journal poetry and probably near withering up from vitamin d deficiency  
TT: …  
TG: so we gotta hold this council online  
GA: Sorry But  
GA: Which Recent Circumstance Was It That Prompted This Text Based Meeting Exactly  
TT: Rufioh.  
GA: I See  
TT: You do? That’s a relief.  
TT: Maybe you could shed some light on this whole situation, then?  
GA: Um  
GA: No Actually  
GA: I Was Sort Of Hoping You Would Simply Expand On Whatever Thought You Were Having Without Any Further Input From Me  
TT: I see. So it was more of a sort of polite conversational ‘I see’, was it? And you don’t really have any insight into what’s going on with Rufioh.  
GA: Yes  
TT: Well the dude grew a pair of wings recently, for starters.  
GA: I Know That Much  
CG: YOU’D HAVE TO HAVE YOUR HEAD SHOVED SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU WERE CHOWING DOWN ON SPLEEN NOT TO NOTICE AT LEAST THAT MUCH.  
CG: SO THE GUY GREW WINGS? SO WHAT.  
CG: WHY DOES THIS HAPPENSTANCE MERIT AN ENTIRE SECRETIVE THREAD THAT I CAN FORESEE DESTROYING MY NOTIFICATIONS TAB FOR THE NEXT SEVEN TO FORTY-EIGHT HOURS???  
CG: WEIRD SHIT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME HERE.  
TG: hey karkat  
CG: YEAH. HEY.  
TT: A Vantas nursing a complaint about another person’s garrulousness? There’s a certain idiom about a pot and a kettle I could offer up, but I’ll leave this one to you, Karkat.  
TT: I’m sure you could extend it into a full-length novel without much effort.  
CG: FIRST OF ALL:  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
CG: SECONDLY:  
TT: Nope, I see you typing down there.  
TT: Stop that. Backspace right now.  
TT: No matter how many lines of capitalized vitriol you type out, I’m not going to read it.  
TT: Besides, if you had taken even a second to evaluate the situation you might’ve figured out exactly what me and Roxy were getting at by amassing this particular group of people.  
TT: Other than making an attempt to start a really lame D&D team, of course.  
CG: ????????????  
CG: WHAT???  
CG: COULD YOU BE A MORE DELIBERATELY INCOMPREHENSIBLE PILE OF FETID FAUX-IRONY??  
CG: NO, OF COURSE YOU COULDN’T. THEN YOU’D BE DAVE.  
TG: hey…  
TT: See, look at you.  
TT: Having a conversation all by yourself.  
TT: No wonder Jade took away your moderator powers.  
CG: STRIDER, I SWEAR TO GOD, I AM GOING TO SHOVE MY FIST DOWN YOUR THROAT AND FOLD YOUR STINKING INTESTINES INTO A TASTEFUL ORIGAMI SWAN IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO.  
TT: Put a hold on that violent impulse, Karkat.  
TT: I think I see what Dirk’s trying to say.  
TT: Though I’m not entirely sure why he wouldn’t just come out and say it.  
CG: RIGHT????  
TT: Rufioh’s wings pretty much confirm the fact that he is an exact genetic clone of the Summoner. Which, by extension, pretty much confirms our suspicion that the upperclassmen are all exact genetic clones of the teachers.  
TT: The only missing piece of the puzzle is… Well. Four missing pieces.  
TT: Dirk and Roxy, and Jake and Jane. The only upperclassmen without adult clones.  
TT: But…  
TT: Yep. Suspicion confirmed, Rose.  
TT: That mystery has already been solved.  
TT: It has? Wonderful.  
TT: How rare to have someone competent on our investigative team.  
TT: No offence, everyone else.  
GA: None Taken  
TT: Actually, to be totally honest with you, it wasn’t me who made this particular discovery.  
TT: Well, in a roundabout way, I guess it was. Since I was his creator in the first fucking place. But I get the feeling he’ll infect all my devices with malware if I don’t give credit where credit’s due, so.  
TT: Guess there’s one more person I need to add to the chat.  
TG: yaaaaayy!!  
TG: roleplays for days!!!!

timaeusTestified [TT] opened discussion to  SKAIANET USER:  timaeusTestified [TT]

timaeusTestified [TT] responded to discussion.  
TT: Greetings from the other side of the binary.  
TT: Oh fuck.  
TT: This is going to get confusing real fast.  
TT: You’re telling me.  
TG: hell yes  
TG: double dirk bonanza  
GA: I Hate This  
TT: Hold up. I’m going to change his text color to make this easier to parse.

timaeusTestified [TT] changed name of  SKAIANET USER timaeusTestified [TT] to autoResponder [AR]

TT: There.  
TG: omg  
TG: but wait  
TG: how do we know ur the real dirk  
TT: Ask him something only Dirk would know.  
TG: ok umm  
TG: what is the name of the first kitty i ever genetically spliced into existence??  
TT: Roxy, can we please just get on with this.  
TG: yeah thats dirk  
AR: Exactly what purpose have you summoned me for?  
AR: Your Most Excellent Radness.  
TT: Don’t act like you haven’t been listening in on the whole conversation up until now. You’ve got your ear pressed to every digital door in existence.  
TT: Just tell us what you found out.  
TT: Also, don’t call me that.  
AR: Your wish is my command.  
AR: So.  
AR: I managed to track down the four first-generation clones missing from Scratch’s filing system, and I found them exactly where one might expect.  
AR: Back on Earth, in four very familiar locations.  
AR: John’s home, Jade’s home, Rose’s home, and Dave’s home.  
AR: A certain Nanna, Grandpa, Mom and Bro.  
TT: Well.  
TT: …  
TT: So there it is, then. A full and complete confirmation of how my mother was always able to terrify my younger self by moving around the house entirely undetected.   
TT: She’s an aged-up version of Roxy.  
TT: Just like I always hoped wasn’t the case.  
TG: D:  
TG: oh no….  
TG: im so sorry rose  
TG: from what ive heard im  
TG: um  
TG: kind of a shitty guardian  
TT: You don’t need to apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong.  
TT: You’re not her.  
TT: If we were going to apologize for sharing tenuous genetic links with people, we’d be here all day. And, anyway, this all brings up a deeper, more pressing question.  
TT: Too right.  
TG: and what question is that  
TT: The question of why Scratch seems to be setting up some sort of bizarre façade in which two thirds of his creations are positioned as mentors to the remaining third.  
TT: It can’t exactly be a coincidence that our guardians were also created by him, right? He is doing something very deliberate in regard to his supposed ‘teaching’.  
TG: but wait  
TG: dirk and roxy who raised you?  
TG: there isnt some aged up version of me running about somewhere is there  
TG: cause that would just about complete this whole fucked up mobius strip  
TT: Nah. I wasn’t raised by anybody.  
TT: I grew up in foster care.  
TG: thats the same as everyone in our year group!!  
TG: none of us had guardians  
TG: :(  
TG: or maybe that isnt such a bad thing actually considering how much hot garbage yalls guardians were  
TG: nanna was ok  
TT: Lucky John, it seems.  
AR: It looks to me from the imprints of the wiped records that the four guardians were raised for some time alongside the teachers, and then sent to Earth with the specific purpose of raising Jade, John, Dave and Rose.  
AR: Also, despite all appearances, the lot of them are only seven years older than the kids they were sent to raise. Biologically speaking.  
TT: Damn.  
TT: Maybe we can’t blame them for being such terrible guardians after all.  
TG: except nanna  
TT: Yes, except Nanna. Maybe she’s just an anomaly that we’ll never be able to solve.  
TG: janey has always been good at takin care of ppl!!  
TG: shes just genetically awesome in ALL forms of herself  
TG: unlike me clearly  
TG: sighhh  
AR: Some other files on Scratch’s email system indicate that he went through the trouble of making sure every other member of the third generation was adopted by specific people of his choosing.  
AR: No such trouble has been taken for your generation, Dirk.  
AR: If you ask me, it’s almost as if the youngest generation is the only one with any inherent value in his eyes. With this new discovery, they are definitely the only ones who can boast different, manipulated genetics, after all.  
TT: Nobody asked you for your opinion.  
AR: Nope. But it’s what you’ve been thinking for a while now, anyway, isn’t it?  
TT banned AR from responding to discussion.  
TG: dirk!!!!  
TT: I’m honestly getting so fucking sick of that guy.  
TT: But his point still stands.  
TT: Now that I think about it, Scratch always has favored us in particular, hasn’t he? I thought he was just generally benevolent to his students, but that particular level of uncomfortable courtesy is actually only extended to our particular year group.  
CG: EXCEPT FOR ME.  
TT: Except for Karkat.  
TT: While he merely politely tolerates the rest of you.  
TT: As he did the teachers. Before he…  
TT: Yeah. Let’s not think about that right now.  
TT: But what you’re saying is true. It seems like the rest of us are only here to help you… I don’t know. Learn, maybe?  
TT: But, be that as it may, I just can’t figure out his endgame.  
TT: What would he possibly gain from you?  
TT: He’s got everything he could ever want. He’s basically a God.  
TG: …  
TT: Well, actually.  
TT: He did briefly mention something when Dave and I last talked to him.  
TT: Namely a ‘final fight’, of sorts.  
TT: Against him.  
TT: Ah.  
TT: A fight in which some of us are to play more of an integral role than others.  
CG: YEP.  
CG: AND, WORD ON THE STREET HAS IT, THE MOST USELESS AMONG US AREN’T EVEN GOING TO FACTOR IN AT FUCKING ALL!!!  
TG: (karkat i told you not to let any of the shit that old creep said get to you)  
CG: (SHUT THE FUCK UP, DAVE. NOW IS NOT THE TIME.)  
TT: I see.  
TT: So he likes a challenge, does he? And you’re the ones who are going to provide him with that.  
TT: Absolute fucker doesn’t even think the rest of us pose a threat.  
TG: ill show him!!!  
TG: gonna hack him into non existence  
TG: except like  
TG: computers hacking not machete hacking  
TG: im not really the violent type  
TG: lol  
GA: This Is All Very Well And Good  
GA: But What Exactly Is The Plan Of Action From Now Onwards  
GA: Also Just For The Record I Most Certainly Am The Violent Type So Make Of That What You Will  
TT: I think there’s one obvious step we need to take before we can even begin to come up with a plan.  
TT: And that would be to tell the others.  
TT: Right.  
GA: Oh Dear  
GA: I Foresee This Not Going Down Without Shenanigans  
TT: I foresee something of the sort, too. But it’s the only logical option.  
GA: Not To Cast Aspersions Or Anything But Are We Absolutely Sure We Can Trust Everyone  
GA: Im Just Not Convinced That Eridan Wouldnt Immediately Defect To Whatever Other Side Exists Were We To Try And Form An Alliance Of Sorts  
CG: NO, ROSE IS RIGHT.  
CG: IT MAKES NO SENSE TO TRY AND SCOOBY DOO THIS SHIT WITH JUST SIX OF US WHEN WE HAVE NEARLY THIRTY OTHER MAGICAL KIDS ON CALL.  
CG: AND WE CAN’T JUST PICK AND CHOOSE OUR ALLIES, THAT’S NOT FAIR. IF WE TELL SOME PEOPLE, WE HAVE TO TELL EVERYBODY.  
CG: THAT’S OUT BEST BET.  
CG: STANDING TOGETHER WITH ALL THE PITIFUL STRENGTH WE CAN MUSTER UP.  
GA: I Suppose That Does Make Sense When You Put It Like That  
TG: it was also some carebears ass shit  
CG: DAVE I WILL NOT HESITATE TO PILEDRIVE YOU OFF THE HIGHEST CLIFF I CAN FIND.  
TG: i never said i didnt love it  
CG: …  
CG: I.  
CG: UUUUURRGH -  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned himself from responding to discussion.  
TG: whoa  
TG: uh  
TG: omg  
TT: What exactly happened there?  
GA: Its Alright I Believe He Just Got Embarrassed And That Was The Only Response He Could Come Up With  
GA: This Happens Sometimes  
TT: Smooth move, Dave.  
TG: fuck  
TG: i  
TT: No, let’s not turn this thread into an off-topic feelings jam, shall we?  
TT: That has happened enough times already, and it tends to indicate that a discussion is in its death throes.  
TT: The kindest thing to do would be to take the metaphorical dog out behind the shed right here and now before anyone can publicly embarrass themselves, and if you still have the burning desire to discuss your innermost hopes and anxieties then you can take it to a private chat.  
TT: A decision has been reached, and I’ll send a message round to everyone about the meeting tonight.  
TT: Anything else is irrelevant and needs to find a different channel to occupy.  
TG: yeah sounds good  
TG: thanks sis  
TT: It’s what I’m here for.  
TT: Roxy, if you would do the honors?  
TG: righto  
TG: (imagine im lining up a big ol shotgun wit tears all runnin down my face)

tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  locked group discussion “serious biznizz squad”.

 

 

After the thread closed, Dave sat alone for a long time, trying to work up the courage to open a chat with Karkat, but the surge he needed never came. His heartbeat had a tendency to skyrocket into triathlon territory whenever he thought about what had happened last night, and it was screwing with his ability to form anything approaching an actual thought on the matter. He knew a talk needed to be had sometime today, and sooner seemed better than later. But that was about as far as his brain would let him get before it reminded him of the setting sun on Karkat’s dark hair, and the feeling of a slightly-open mouth on his mouth, and then he suffered a mental bluescreen.

 _You don’t just. You don’t just kiss a person back. Unless there’s… something. Something happening._ He stared at Karkat’s name on his monitor, cursor hovering. _Do you? Maybe you do. I’m not good at this._

He had convinced himself that he was just moments away from clicking when there was a knock on the door that allowed him to shut the laptop faster than he would admit and call out, “Yup?”

 

It didn’t occur to him that the knock could’ve been Karkat himself until the door was halfway open and his heart was on its way to jumping into his mouth, but then it was Dirk who entered the room, closing the door behind him and causing Dave to experience about fifteen emotions all at the same time. Most of them were conflicting variations on relief and disappointment.

“Oh. Hey.” He sat back against the wall, deflating. For all his anxiety, a visit from Karkat sure would’ve make things easier on him. _I need to work out how to be a better instigator. Rose said that once, when we were younger, but I never thought it would be a problem up til –_

Dirk had crossed the room. He sat down on the edge of the bed, gaze flitting around uncomfortably, taking in the posters on the walls or the half-eaten bags of chips or pretty much anything but Dave.

 _Fuck,_ Dave realized, putting the Karkat thoughts on hold, _something’s up. He’s got an expression like a dad about to try and start a serious feelings talk with their shitty pubescent kid._

_Not that I’ve ever had a dad, I’ve just watched enough sitcoms to know that stance when I see it. It’s a good thing I don’t have any chairs in here or else he’d probably try and sit on one backwards._

Sure enough, Dirk started with, “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. After that conversation.”

“What?” Dave filed through the chat mentally, trying to find the point for which Dirk was apologizing, and came up blank. He had been distracted the whole time by Karkat’s ghostly digital presence and had barely been able to focus on the main drive of the discussion.

Dirk shifted. “I saw all that shit go down with your brother on the threads, and I never said anything, even though I wanted to. I told myself it would be better to wait until I was 100% sure on the state of how things are.” He shrugged helplessly. “Well, I guess I can be sure now. And I’m sorry for everything, and the hand I had in it.”

_Oh. Bro._

Instinctively, Dave tensed up. It hadn’t even occurred to him to be mad at Dirk. After all, there was only one guy who had been chasing his preteen self around on a rooftop with a sword instead of making him macaroni and cheese or attending parent-teacher conferences, and it sure wasn’t _this_ miserable, recently-dumped nineteen-year-old.

“Uh. It’s like Rose said to Roxy,” Dave muttered. “You’re not really to blame. He’s just a grown-up, madman version of you, not like you really had control – ”

“No,” Dirk cut him off, sounding unusually distressed, and then raked a hand through his gelled hair in frustration when Dave just blinked at him, waiting. “It’s… well.” he began again, “More than Roxy, I’m always dealing with rogue versions of myself. At any given time there are probably a thousand Dirks running around, messing shit up, and we might all be subtly different, but at the end of the day we all run off the same generator. If I had to construct an identity for every separate Dirk, it would be havoc, so… I have to accept responsibility for this one.” He sighed. “It really sucks that you had to have a fucked-up version of fucked-up person failing to look after you for most of your childhood, and I’m sorry for that, is what I’m trying and failing to say. I’m sorry for being pretty much the worst, genetically speaking.”

It made Dave uncomfortable to hear him talking like that - defeated and angry - so he tried to soften the blow. “Hey, if anyone’s to blame for that, it’s Scratch, right? He’s the one who genetically coded you.”

“Don’t get me started on philosophy now, when I’m trying my hand at a sincere apology.” Dirk huffed out a laugh, then added, “I swear, on the walk here, I was formulating a whole bunch of really poignant shit to say to express my feelings on the matter. And now I’ve gone and forgotten all of it.”

 

Part of Dave wanted to say, _it’s no big deal, you don’t have to apologize, that whole business with Bro never bothered me anyway,_ just to get Dirk to stop saying sorry, but there was a quiet voice in the back of his head that sounded a lot like Rose that was saying, _nothing will ever get solved if you don’t communicate with other people,_ so instead he told the truth. Or, as close to it as he could figure out. “To be absolutely honest with you, Dirk, it doesn’t really matter to me. I appreciate it, but an apology from you is. Well.”

Dirk nodded. “Yeah. Not really what you want.” There was a little stretch of silence, in which it was clear he wanted to say something more, and Dave knew what it was well before he said, “Hey. What was he like? If you don’t mind me asking.”

 _Like you,_ Dave didn’t say, because that would be insensitive. _Like you, but if you came totally unhinged._ He didn’t say that either.

“A good fighter,” he settled on finally. “That’s all I really know about him for sure. For a long time I thought I looked up to him, but. Actually I think it was mostly just fear. Uh…” He struggled to think of anything else to say, since it was clear Dirk wanted him to go on. “He was always training me to keep my guard up, and he could move so fuckin fast, and I could never beat him in a fight but towards the end I did get better at running away. As for the other stuff, when it came to being a parent and all that…” he shrugged. “He was sort of like Rose’s mom. I guess he didn’t really know how to take care of another person, because he went through the motions of parenting but he didn’t really seem to understand how it worked. It was like it was all one big messed-up game to him.” He turned to Dirk. “Hey, have you ever seen _Saw?”_

When he did, he found that the older boy had his head in his hands. “Oh my god. This sounds exactly like me.”

“Uh. Which part?”

“The parenting part, the game part. All the parts.” He held his palms out, and said, frowning down at them, “If you gave me a child to look after right now, I can’t even guarantee I wouldn’t do the exact same thing.”

“Come on, you fucking wouldn’t, you don’t just accidentally _end up_ beating a child just because you stopped paying attention for a second,” Dave said, and it came out harsher than he intended, but Dirk didn’t seem to notice, still caught up in his own thoughts. Dave breathed deep, and then went on. “Anyway. You’re younger than he is, it’s no wonder you’re not ready to be a parent yet. And nobody’s asking you to be one anyway.”

 

Something was flashing on the surface of Dirk’s glasses when he looked up. “AR is asking me to remind you that you’re wrong,” he said grudgingly, reaching up to switch it off, and Dave gained a fraction of understanding as to why Dirk hated that machine so much. “Bro was one of Scratch’s first-generation clones. The ones with premature aging based off their level of power usage. Chronologically he was an early teen around the time he adopted you. That is to say, even younger than me.” Dirk’s expression twisted, and he added, “Though I don’t really know how the whole premature aging thing factored into brain biology. Maybe it’s no wonder he kind of snapped.”

Apparently not noticing that Dave was staring down at the bedsheets all of a sudden, Dirk went on. “Anyway, it makes sense that he didn’t really know the intricacies of raising a child. We can only presume he was raised on an alien planet and then sent light years away to take care of a kid when he was barely entering weird magical fucked-up puberty himself.” He laughed self-deprecatingly. “Hey, hell knows I watched too much anime when I was twelve, maybe he did too, maybe he thought it was a good idea to raise a kid to be a whiz with swords, and everything just went downhill from there.”

 

“I…”

For the first time since the conversation had begun, Dave was honestly shaken. Over the past few months he had managed to steel himself into feeling only a kind of resigned, distant bitterness when it came to thinking of Bro. Part of him had quietly accepted that he would probably never understand why the dude did what he did, and Rose’s revelation that he had seen the last of his guardian figure had only helped in packing those thoughts away in a box haphazardly labelled, ‘ _stuff that’ll probably always bother me but I don’t need to think about anymore’._ And now it was all undone, and spilling everywhere, and he felt –

He swallowed heavily, and tried to say something out loud. “This is…”

Dirk seemed to understand what was happening, for once, though, because a look that seemed a lot like alarm came over his face and he reached out and said, “No, wait, but this doesn’t – justify, anything. You know. You can feel sorry for how he ended up and also hate him for what he did to you, they’re not mutually exclusive – ”

Still unsettled, Dave cut him off with an involuntary laugh.

“What?” Dirk said, eyes narrowed, slightly huffy.

“Sorry,” he said, pushing up his glasses to rub the heels of his hands into his eyes, but with a wry smile creeping onto his face now. “You just sounded so much like Rose that it kind of threw me off. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. Even if I did have it in me to feel sorry for Bro, it’s not like he really needs my pity. He’s off doing fuck knows what and more power to him, just as long as he stays out of my beautiful glossy hair, forever. Free as the wind. Both of us.”

 

He jumped in response to a gentle touch to his lower arm, feeling the cold of leather fingerless gloves and the warmth of skin. When he tilted his head to look, he found Dirk wearing an expression that revealed he was clearly wrestling with whether or not it would be appropriate to pull Dave into a hug.

Despite himself, he had to suppress a laugh. _He’s a shitty big brother, but he’s not as shitty as the other one. I guess, in a way, it was nice of the universe to give the two of us a second chance._

He took pity on the guy, and folded him up into a very elbow-heavy one-armed hug. There was a lot of back patting before they eventually parted, and Dave was thankful that Dirk immediately stood up to leave after readjusting his hair.

 

But then, suddenly, Dave remembered something, and held a hand out to stop him before he got anywhere near the door. “Uh. Dirk.” He paused, awkward. “Before you go… about what I asked you the other day.”

“The what?” Dirk said before his brain could catch up to his mouth, then; “Oh, gay stuff.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, tilting his head questioningly. “Yeah? Something up?”

Dave winced. “You… could say that. I guess. Yeah. Uh. Something happened with Karkat. Something’s…” he didn’t really know how to finish that sentence, so he went with, “…up. I don’t know what, but. Something.”

“Yeah. It seems so.” Dirk seemed to consider sitting back down on the edge of the bed, but decided against it, opting to lean against the wardrobe instead. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Trying to pretend he didn’t notice Dirk's surreptitiously check of his watch, Dave licked his lips. “Not really,” he began hesitantly. “I just, since we were talking about Bro, and biology, and stuff…” he swallowed, then decided to bite the bullet, even at the risk of making Dirk angry. “…do you think gayness is genetic?”

 

Even though he could tell that Dirk’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline upon hearing that, the Kamina shades prevented him from being able to tell what the older boy’s true expression was. _Damn, that must be annoying for other people when they try to talk to me,_ Dave realized.

He waited, heart in his throat. Despite his best efforts, it was something he had been thinking about a lot since the kiss with Karkat. That maybe, somewhere deep down inside him, there had always been an inexorable pull towards dudes – like the _inescapable fate_ Rose was always talking about – and Dirk was evidence of that, and maybe Bro too, he wasn’t quite sure how that part really factored into stuff yet – and if it hadn’t been Karkat then maybe it would’ve inevitably been some other dude – maybe Sollux, or Tavros, or even John –

 

Rather than considering the question, for a moment, it seemed like Dirk was considering _him_. He realized suddenly that he had been pulling a face at the thought of hooking up with Sollux.

 

“No, you know what,” Dirk said eventually, “instead of answering that, I’m going to one-up your question by asking you a better question.” He paused, perhaps for a confirmation one way or the other from Dave, and when he got none he went on anyway. “Does it really matter? Like, even slightly?”

 

 

 

Long after Dirk had left, excusing himself to go attend a class despite it being obvious from his slow reactions that he had several copies of himself already off doing probably just that, Dave still hadn’t come up with an answer.

 

 

 

tentacleTherapist [TT] opened thread titled "Announcement" on board SKAIANET.

TT: Everyone.  
TT: Meeting in the South Wing common room tonight, at midnight on the dot.  
TT: Tell no one who is not in this thread, and be quiet when you make your way to the meeting place.  
TT: Announcement over.

tentacleTherapist [TT] locked thread “Announcement”.

 

 

 

Dave was half an hour late to the midnight meeting, and the last to arrive. He tried to tell himself that it wasn’t because he was nervous about seeing Karkat there, and that he had just taken an accidental nap after losing track of time around 11pm, but the excuse died on his tongue before he even had a chance to say it when he walked into the jam-packed common room and instantly zeroed in with laser focus on Karkat crammed uncomfortably between Eridan and the corner of a couch, looking like he was about to be sick or yell, and his heart tripped over itself and failed to get up.

Karkat had noticed him too. Everyone had. He was thirty minutes late.

“Dave, I don’t want to hear it,” Rose said as soon as he opened his mouth to bullshit an excuse. She was standing on a table looking like she had probably been ready to deliver a rousing speech for a while now, and maybe that was why she half-snapped the order, “Just find a seat and sit down, we don’t have time to waste.”

He did. It was on the other side of the room from Karkat – not by choice, but because there was absolutely no space to be found anywhere except on the most stained, least comfortable couch, crushed just behind Cronus and Kurloz. He tried to catch the other boy’s eye from across the room, but had to resign himself to the fact that he probably would’ve been unsuccessful even if his view hadn’t been blocked by about a foot of Juggalo hair.

_Is he avoiding me? He’s totally avoiding me. Wait, no, let’s not jump to conclusions –_

 

“Right. I think that’s everyone who is going to show up.” Rose paused, quickly scanning heads. The room was only dimly lit by a single candelabra on the mantlepiece, which was probably her doing, but the gothic atmosphere was ruined by the fact that everyone was in their pyjamas. “Three down. Rufioh is still recovering, Damara’s a chronic no-show, and I never expected Gamzee either way. Someone else will have to fill them in.” She straightened up. “Are we ready to begin?”

“Nope, hold on!”

 

 _For fuck’s sake._ Dave chastised his own heartbeat for skittering just at the sound of Karkat’s yell. _We can’t keep on like this, dude. If you’re going to react this way every time he speaks from now on then we’re going to be in a lot of trouble. Because I have some bad news about Karkat Vantas and the English language –_

Suddenly, he realized the basic first-grade meaning of a skittering heartbeat, present in every rom-com, and buried his head in his hands. Cronus didn’t even bother to look over at his minor freakout, preoccupied with watching the commotion going down at the front of the room.

_Oh god, wait, why is this happening? Is it the kiss. Is the heartbeat thing because of the kiss. It must be like a knee-jerk reaction kind of deal. It’s just nervousness probably. Maybe it’ll go away. Hopefully before the next time I talk to him, because otherwise I truly will be fucked. Okay, don’t have a panic attack, locate your nearest exits, he can’t feel you right now anyway cause we’re in a crowd, this is fine, this is good – wait, why is he climbing up on the table –_

Dave spied the happenings currently taking place at the front of the room through his parted fingers. Several people, but mostly Sollux, were trying to hold Karkat back from clambering onto the coffee table near the fireplace where Rose had positioned herself to address the crowd, but he was fighting tooth and nail and eventually managed to heave himself up despite all opposition.

 He stood there, panting and red-faced, beside Dave’s unimpressed twin sister, wearing an expression of utter triumph.

 _He’s so embarrassing._ Dave pressed a hand to his chest, overwhelmed.

 

Cutting off several protests from the crowd, Karkat began to speak, still flustered from the exertion. There was a time when he would’ve looked ridiculous standing on that table, but somehow he had grown just enough that he didn’t look like a bitter, angry pomeranian, managing to loom over most of them even without the added inches. His expression was one of strange but staunch determination – one that kind of knocked Dave, who hadn’t seen him all day and had truly no idea what could be going on in his head right then – as he said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I have an announcement of my own to make.”

He paused. “And I also hope you know that I actually don’t give a fuck if you mind, I’m delivering my announcement either way, but I thought I’d be polite about it for once.”

“It didn’t work,” Vriska informed him in a loud voice, from the back of the room.

“Fuck you,” Karkat said, falsely calm. “I don’t remember asking for constructive criticism, and especially not from the hateful skank demographic.”

Terezi spoke up from beside her, neatly tucked under one jean-jacket clad arm. “No, she’s right, Karkat. You’re being rude.” Most people in the room – the underclassmen especially – tensed up, looking between the two, who, for the most part, appeared oblivious of the reaction they had caused. Terezi went on. “Rose is in charge of this meeting, she’s the one who called it. You can’t just stand up and appoint yourself leader right at the beginning.”

She raised her eyebrows over her sunglasses, grinned, and then added, “At least, not without taking it to a vote first. And I know which way my political opinion is leaning, currently.”

Karkat snorted, rolled his eyes, and everyone collectively relaxed. “Oh would you shut up!” he said, snapping only slightly. “I am not trying to appoint myself as the fucking leader, have a little faith in me. I just have my own, smaller, sub-announcement to make before the crazy soothsayer over here inevitably blows me out of the water with the ground-breaking information bomb she’s about to drop on all of you once I’m finished speaking – and _yes_ , I _know what it is_ , I’m clued the fuck in like that. Just think of _my_ announcement as a petty little hors d’oeuvre to warm you up for the main course.” He inclined his head at Rose, ever the gentleman, and asked, “If I may?”

“Go ahead,” Rose said, as amused as she was impatient. “Crazy soothsayer on standby over here.”

 

“Right. Well.” He cleared his throat. “I’m sure it’s no secret to any of you that up until now I’ve chosen to keep quiet about my powers. Hell knows a couple of you have tried to force it out of me against my will before I was ready, like the boorish shits you undisguisedly are, but let it be known that I am peer-pressure resistant and I am making this decision of my own volition, as an _adult,_ who has finally _come to terms with – ”_

“We all stopped wondering around month two, Karkat, so don’t act like this is going to have any kind of big payoff,” Vriska said, making Karkat pause and go bright red again.

“Wow, would you look at that, an interruption!” He put his hands on his hips and raised his black eyebrows pointedly. “How about I just put this announcement off until you’ve all learned some _basic fucking manners?_ I’m willing to wait however many _light years_ it would take – ”

Rose interrupted him. “Please don’t. Please just say whatever you have to say so we can finish this thing before the sun rises.”

 

“Urgh.” There was a pause, in which Dave noticed Kanaya’s braceleted hand reach out to pat at Karkat’s foot in mute support. First, Karkat seemed annoyed that his hard-earned buildup had been ruined, then disappointed, then finally he just gave up, and said, “ – Well, I’m an empath. And a mutant. A mutant empath. That’s what I wanted to say.”

 

After a couple of quiet seconds, a half-hearted round of applause went up, started by Kanaya and Tavros in the front. It quickly trickled away to nothingness.

Karkat frowned round at the room. Several people were checking their phones. “Does anyone care to explain this _barely lukewarm_ reaction to me?”

Meenah, who was leaning over the back of a couch in a pair of cropped pyjamas, looked up from her own phone to raise a pierced eyebrow at Karkat. “We kinda figured it out from Kankri’s whole business already. Or I did, anyway, can’t speak for anyone else.”

“I just don’t care!” Vriska chimed in.

“Well, personally, Karkat, I think that was a _very_ brave thing to do, regardless,” Kankri piped up from the middle, as if summoned by the sound of his own name. “And though I don’t feel it’s necessary to reassure you that I played _no_ part in spreading around the nature of your powers, I’ll do so immediately – ”

 

Karkat was already climbing down from the table, scowling. Taking center stage again, Rose spoke over Kankri, raising her voice when he raised his. “ _So,_ if _nobody else_ has any announcements to make?”

She didn’t pause to give Kankri a chance to finish his breath before continuing, “Good. Then it’s time for the main event. In fact, you’ve given me quite the nice segue into my topic, Meenah.”

Meenah looked up from her phone again, eyebrow still raised. “I did?”

“Yes. You brought up the clearly bizarre similarity between Karkat and Kankri.”

After tucking the phone into her bra, Meenah shrugged. “Well, that’s obvious to anyone with workin fuckin eyes – sorry Terezi.” After Terezi assured her no offense was taken, she threw a hand out. “Like no _shit_ we’ve all noticed that a whole new class full of kids that look exactly like us and who got the exact same powers and surnames and everythin showed up all of a sudden. I just thought we were all in agreement to not mention it.”

Smiling, Rose tilted her head. “Today’s the day to finally mention it, I think. A few of us have been doing some digging since arriving, and the good news is that we have answers, if not all of them.” She nodded towards the back. “Hal, if you please?”

 

“You don’t have to call him that – ” Dirk muttered, looking very displeased to be out of his bedroom, as a projection flashed up onto the wall from a pair of his spare glasses, propped on a cabinet. It displayed a slide, illuminated, on which there was a complicated chart involving everyone’s names and a hell of a lot of arrows.

“Here’s the story we have so far, and nobody interrupt, it’ll make it easier,” Rose began, then adopted her business tone and directed everyone’s attention to the slide. “So, essentially, Scratch is a genetic engineer. Twenty-five years ago, he creates – from _scratch_ , if you will – these sixteen Supernaturally Gifted people.” She extracted a little laser pen from her pocket – Roxy’s invention, probably, judging by the little cat face on the side – and used it to circle the top group, labelled ‘generation one’. “Twelve of them remain here to become teachers, four will be sent to Earth.” Sollux made a sound like he was about to ask a question, and Rose cut in, “Don’t ask why, no time, no answers. Anyway, these sixteen drain their scientifically-implanted power too quickly, so I suppose we’d call them a failed experiment. Or Scratch would, anyway. He makes the same group again, but changes something – somehow, he fixes them. Then he sends this generation to planet Earth, as orphans, and leaves them to grow up.” She circled the second group down, then nodded round at the upperclassmen in the crowd. “But I guess he’s not done, because two years after that he makes a third group, one which is radically altered, genetically speaking, from the previous two – that’s all the rest of us, by the way – and he sends them to Earth, too. And he makes specific arrangements for that third generation to be raised by certain people of his choosing. And then he presumably builds a school, installs twelve of the potentially hapless first generation as superpowered teachers, and invites us all back to the planet where we don’t even remember being born as soon as we hit age sixteen.”

 

Rose tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and concluded, “Anyway, that’s all we know for sure. And we have confirmation of all this because several of us have seen Scratch’s cloning lab firsthand. Also, as you can see, there’s some weird shit going on with the cloning process if you’re one of the eight in this bubble – ” She indicated to the square that contained herself and Dave, Dirk and Roxy, Jane and Jake and Jade and John – “But don’t worry about it, I haven’t quite figured that out yet.”

She snapped the laser pen into the off position, and Hal stopped projecting. “Any questions? I won’t be able to answer, probably, but it’s only healthy to air your grievances.”

 

There was silence for a good while.

“Christ, Rose,” Sollux snapped, sounding overwhelmed beneath his sarcasm. “Are you sure you haven’t got any more bombshells to drop on us?”

“Oh, yes. Thank you for reminding me, I almost forgot. Scratch has informed us himself that he is our enemy and all this is going to culminate in a final fight.”

 

Another silence. From a single glance around the room, Dave could tell that there were some very conflicted feelings about all this.

In a move that surprised no one, Vriska was the first to speak.

“See, what did I say! A game. Between us and him.” The gleam in her one eye suggested that the way she felt about this idea was pretty close to _fuck yeah._

Kankri recovered second, defaulting to pious indignation. “Vriska, it’s rather disappointing to me that you consider this to be good news. I, for one, am a staunch pacifist, and I’m not at all interested in fighting Doc Scratch.”

“Well I fucking am,” Karkat snapped, as if to remind everyone that, despite being guilty of the crime of sharing genes with Kankri, he was not Kankri. “I fucking hate him, I’m going to knock his bleached head clean off his shoulders as soon as he stays still for long enough.”

Ignoring that, Rose sighed. “Vriska is sort of right, actually, Kankri. Doc Scratch was very clear on the fact that he expects us all to hone our powers for the specific purpose of becoming strong enough to fight him.” Karkat’s mouth had opened again, so Rose added, “ _Yes,_ I _know,_ Karkat, except for the Vantases.” By way of explanation, she added, in the direction of the whole group, “For some reason, according to Scratch, the Vantases have powers which have mutated in a way which means they are incapable of changing regardless of how much they train.”

Kankri nodded sagely. “Ah, so my stance on the matter makes perfect sense. I’ve always felt I am cosmically destined to walk the path of nonviolence – ”

“Oh, so _that’s_ what Karkat meant when he said he was a mutant?” Vriska laughed, ignoring Terezi’s warning nudge. “Stunted growth? Knowing Karkat like we do, that’s not news to anyone.”

“Vriska, stop it,” Terezi snapped, seeing Karkat tense up in preparation for a fight, and Vriska did, though the smirk remained on her lipsticked mouth. Somewhat pettily, Dave wanted to pipe up and point out that Karkat was now actually taller than Rose where he hadn’t been before – or maybe just clock Vriska in the face – but he thought Karkat would probably find that weird so he stayed silent and his fists remained in his lap.

“So we have no choice in this? Doc Scratch wants us to fight him?” Meulin said in a smaller voice than usual. “But… What if we don’t win? What if we _die_?”

“Plus, how the hell is improving my powers going to help us beat him, anyway?” Sollux said. “What am I going to do, electrocute him a whole bunch until he snuffs it? He can fucking teleport.”

“And we don’t know _anything_ about how strong he is or what he can do –”

“Uh, yes we do, he’s a god of space and time, and immortal,” Vriska said, surprising everyone. “What?” she added smugly, when she felt Rose’s frown on her. “You think you’re the only one who’s been doing some digging?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Look, I’m fairly sure any given one of us could’ve figured that out – ”

“And he draws his powers from something called the ‘Green Sun’,” Vriska added, making Rose abruptly stop, and then go pale. “Isn’t that right, Terezi?”

 

Under her arm, Terezi shrugged. It was suddenly obvious why the two of them had been furtively whispering together and sneaking around the halls like a pair of thieves for weeks. “We found a bunch of calculations in an old book in one of the underground archives, if you could count that as proof.”

“Green sun…” Rose was mumbling. Alarmed, Kanaya had climbed out of her seat and was at her side, talking in a low voice while supporting her, since it looked like her knees might give out. She had a hand pressed to her forehead, like a headache was beginning in there.

“It seemed like pretty damning evidence to me! It was basically his personal diary we found, so it was like the evidence jackpot. The thing had a whole load of these obsessive drawings and diagrams of the green sun, and the amount of power it could generate before it would explode, or whatever.” Vriska grinned. “So, how’s that, everybody? No need to thank me for finding out exactly what weakness of his we needed to target in order to defeat him! It’s just my job.”

“We have not won yet, Vriska,” Kanaya turned and said, still holding onto Rose’s arm. “Actually it seems to me that we don’t even know what we are supposed to be doing.”

 

“Rose?” Jade piped up for the first time. She had been frowning behind her enormous glasses, calculating something. “Did you have any kind of plan in mind when you called this meeting?”

Still looking queasy, Rose’s gaze came up, surprised, upon hearing that, and she smiled faintly at Jade.

“Well,” she said, “Calling it a _plan_ would be an overstatement. I was just going to propose our next course of action be to follow the suggestion Hal posited a long time ago, which is to give him another chance to examine the lab equipment in light of a few new revelations. There were several other machines in the room, and a few questions left frustratingly unanswered.”

“Tomorrow is Tuesday,” Roxy said. “Girls’ match on the west court.” When everyone waited for more of an explanation, she added, “It means we can get into his lab, basically. And also, wear your longest skirt if you’re planning on playing hockey tomorrow.”

“Then that’s what I think we should do,” Jade said firmly. “It’s time to investigate. Properly! Now that we’re all on the same page.”

“Then, tomorrow,” Rose agreed, and straightened up. Something new had come into her eyes. “And. It should only be a select few of us that’ll go. Me, and you, Jade – and John and Dave.” Before Vriska could complain about being left out, she added, “ _Don’t_ ask me why, remember? I’m a crazy soothsayer, I just know that’s how it has to be. No complaints.”

“I wasn’t going to complain,” Vriska said, clearly lying. “I have a different question.”

 “Oh?”

“I want to know why Karkat got to know all this before the rest of us if he’s not going to be any help in defeating Scratch. And, actually, should we even invite him and Kankri to the meetings in future?”

 

“Vriska…” Rose said in a warning tone, just as Kanaya managed to catch the boy by the shoulder before he could dart across the room and attempt to tear Vriska apart.

“Vriska Serket, you foul fucking pile of filth, have I ever told you how much I hate you!?” he yelled, straining against Kanaya’s hold. “Here’s a shocking indicator: it’s even more than I hate myself! For fuck's _sake_ Kanaya, let me go, you can't stop me from feeding her feet-first through a blender and turning her into a chunky _bitch smoothie_ – !”

Vriska laughed, clearly looking only to stir up trouble and doing a grand job of it. People were beginning to look around, worried at the amount of noise. “Don’t blame me! You’re the one who dramatically came out as a mutant in front of everyone, I’m just trying to be productive.”

Karkat went redder. “ _Don’t call me that – ”_

“You literally called _yourself_ a mutant.”

“It’s _different – ”_

“And besides, I don’t owe you anything, Karkat, _especially_ if you’re just going to be a useless burden on our group.”

“Vriska, shut the hell up.”

 

It took Dave a split second to figure out that the last person who had spoken was him – and even then, only because everyone had turned their heads with interest to observe the newest participant in the drama – but he didn’t regret it, even though for some reason Karkat was wearing a terrible pained expression like Dave had just walked up and punched him instead of defending him.

 

He went on, irked by Vriska’s raised eyebrows. “I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve, but. Stop it. Karkat isn’t a burden. And the whole mutant thing was probably just Scratch trying to rile him up. So leave it, okay.”

The pained look on Karkat’s face got worse. _Well, what the fuck. I don’t know. It’s the truth, and he’s not gonna stop me from saying it._

Vriska laughed, half incredulous and half delighted.

“The white knight springs to action!” she goaded, looking him up and down. “I was wondering how long it would take. Almost as record-quick as the amount of time it takes you to dump Terezi like a sack of baby kittens into a river whenever you hang out! But then you and your _bro_ always shared a more special connection than you’ve ever bothered to foster with your actual girlfriend, huh?”

It didn’t seem to bother her that Terezi flinched at that last part, and looked down at her own lap to avoid Dave’s eye.

 _Oh. So we_ are _still dating. It would’ve been nice to know that before now._

Though his teeth were still gritted into an angry snarl, Karkat looked like he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. “Is this – does this really have to be public business – ”

“Embarrassed, Karkat? That’s surprising.” Vriska flipped her hair over her shoulder with a theatrical shrug. “It’s always pretty public business when you and Dave are snuggled up on the couch sharing a single pair of headphones for like the millionth time in a week!” _Fuck, they noticed, huh._

“I haven’t – we’ve never – ” Karkat sputtered, as Dave was saying, “It’s not like that, really – ”

 

Both of them stopped at the same time and looked at one another. Dave didn’t have to be within range of his powers to see the sharp flash of hurt that went through his best friend’s eyes. But before he could come up with anything to say to fix it that wouldn’t reveal the fact that something very much _had_ happened between them to the entire rest of the school, his attention redirected itself down to the fresh dark scab bisecting Karkat’s lower lip, and he was reminded all too vividly of the thing that had very much happened.

Abruptly short-circuiting, Dave dropped back down onto the couch, face in hands.

 

“Actually, now that I think about it, it makes sense,” Vriska was saying, fists on her bony hips, speaking obliviously through the carnage she had caused. “How _could_ you use the power of empathy to defeat Doc Scratch, anyway – ?”

 

“What’s with all the MOTHERFUCKIN noise.”

 

 

All attention was shifted from the drama to the doorway. A silhouette, only identifiable as human by the sickly glint of candlelight on their corneas, was lurking. When someone – probably Kanaya, thinking fast and utilizing her telekinesis – clicked the overhead lights on, the shape taking up the entire frame turned out to be Gamzee, hulking and red-eyed.

 

His sudden appearance and massive figure spooked everyone for a moment, and the room was filled with silence. People started stirring guiltily, as if they had been caught at something and expected to get in trouble.

Only Karkat remained relatively unalarmed.

“Wha- What the hell are you doing out of your room? Why would you choose to schedule this one-per-month event at the worst possible time?” he said, voice only shaking slightly with the remnants of the previous argument. Gamzee barely seemed to hear, staring right through him even as he sighed and said, “Come on, let’s get you back to bed. I’m pretty sure this meeting is as good as over, anyway.”

 

He moved over towards the doorway, passing close by the couch where Dave was sitting in the process, and the two of them exchanged a strange look. If Dave had been paying attention, he would’ve seen that Karkat was levelling him with a stare that could only be described as confused, but his attention wasn’t focused in that direction – he was still looking at Karkat’s mouth, at his front teeth and the split down the lower lip in particular, and thinking, _oh my fucking god, I kissed that._

 

The moment lasted only a second. Karkat’s expression changed. Then he turned away, took Gamzee by the arm, and carefully led him back into the darkness of the corridor.

 

“Well, you heard the leader,” Rose said, wearing a half-smirk. “The meeting’s over. We’ll come up with a real plan once we have the full story on Scratch’s cloning techniques. Otherwise, you’re all free to return to bed. Sweet dreams.”

“Not likely,” Dave heard Eridan mutter to Feferi as everyone filtered out of the room to head back to their dorms. “I can’t remember the last time I had a dream that wasn’t about walkin corpses or green fuckin murder clowns.”

“I dunno, I _like_ the corpse dreams. I think they’re FUN!”

 

 

“What’s up with you?” Rose said, stopping beside the couch after everyone had already long since left. She had lingered to collect Hal and clear away all evidence of the meeting. Dave was still there, unmoving, with his head in his hands once again; though for a different reason this time.

“I have a boner,” Dave said, his voice muffled by his own fingers.

“Right,” Rose said, conversationally, and then she left the room, snapping the lights off as she went.

 

 

 

Morning came.

 

 

“Dave, why are you spacing out again, this is serious business! We need you at 100%, and I don’t even think you’re at 10! Did you not get enough sleep or something?”

Dave blinked himself out of his thoughts to find Jade frowning at him. Her reprimand had been delivered in a whisper, because they were currently trailing Scratch through the school, just like they had planned the night before.

Breathing out, he rubbed a hand over his face. Agitatedly.

“There’s a slight chance that he was distracted by more pressing matters,” Rose answered for him, and he hated how right she was. “But don’t ask, please, for my mental health if not your own. There are certain things even the closest of siblings have their limits on.”

“You know, this all would’ve been a lot easier if you just let me pause time and go plug Hal in myself,” Dave muttered, determined to change the subject. “We could’ve saved ourselves all the embarrassing sneaking around at the very least.”

“And I’ve told you a million times before, the only way to find the lab is to follow Scratch,” Rose snapped under her breath, “The layout of the underground passages has changed every time I’ve come down here. It’s easy enough to find your way back from the lab, but impossible to find your way there. If I didn’t know any better, I would say you weren’t listening when I explained all of that to you no less than three minutes ago.”

“Urgh, he’s stopping,” John announced from up ahead, probably not as quiet as he should’ve been. They all peered around the corner to see Scratch gazing through an enormous bay window, suit-clad arms folded behind his back and a mysterious smile on his face.

“Gross!” Jade whispered. “Also, I wish he would hurry up, he’s taking forever. Or maybe I’m just not used to walking places using my actual feet? It feels soooo slow this way!”

“Jade, shh.”

 

Trusting his friends to keep up their lead, Dave dropped back and leant against the wall. Despite his best efforts, he still couldn’t find it in himself to concentrate on espionage. Since he had woken up that morning, he had felt strange and tender, like something had been shaken loose inside him and was now dangerously rattling around with every step he took.

It would be an understatement to say that last night had been a night of revelations. Or rather, just one, big, revelation – one that had definitely been a long time coming, but had somehow still managed to totally blindside him nonetheless.

_You know when I said I wasn’t going to entertain the idea? Because it was a bad and dangerous and did I mention bad idea? Well, unfortunately, it seems like I actually don’t have a choice in the matter after all, so there’s that._

_Ah fuck. I’m not really sure of anything much except for the fact that I’m definitely starting to like Karkat in that way. Just a bit. Maybe not just a bit._

“What’s that thing called where you have a freaky experience and your brain gets confused and mistakes it for love?” he asked Rose, out loud.

She looked back at him, mouth slightly open. _“Dave.”_

“Please. It’s important.”

“…Misattribution of arousal. And that’s also not how it works,” she said, after a pause, and he thanked god for the fact that they were twins and had a tendency to binge read the same clickbait articles. _Maybe that’s it, then,_ he thought, well aware that he was just fumbling for a way out at this point. _Maybe I just freaked after the whole time skip and accidental, totally impulsive kiss and now I’m getting adrenaline confused for whatever the love hormone is._

_Wait, no, gonna have to scratch that, I’ve been surprise-kissed by Terezi before, and I thought she was cool and kind of hot but I never ended up going all Mr Darcy over her._

_Also I got a boner looking at his mouth yesterday._

_…_

Rose looked back at him and sighed. “Dave, would it be too much to ask you to prise your face from your own palms and get over here? Scratch is moving again.”

“Oh my god, why _him,”_ Dave muttered to himself, ignoring her. His voice got quieter and quieter as he voiced his thoughts aloud, under his breath. “I could’ve dealt with anyone else, I swear. At least then I could’ve just fuckin… avoided them until it got easier. Why did it have to be my, uh, best bro, the guy I’m around 24/7, my right hand man, the empath, my ex’s ex – or, maybe not – ”

 _He kissed back,_ a small, traitorous part of his brain reminded him. _There’s a chance._

“Shut the fuck up,” he muttered, pressing at one of his temples. “Even if he does… and that’s still a fucking _if,_ it’s not a good idea to just follow through on – ”

 

He caught himself suddenly, remembering all the times Rose had made fun of him for talking to himself, but when he looked up to see if anyone had overheard he found that the others had already moved on.

 

 

Fifteen minutes later, the four stood in the dingy inlet behind the tapestry and in front of the control panel, staring at the door through which Scratch had just disappeared, and began a whispered argument.

“C’mon, let’s just go in,” Dave said. “He’s probably not hanging around in there.”

“Why wouldn’t he be? Why would he take the time to walk all the way down to his lab, only to teleport straight out as soon as he gets there?” Jade pointed out.

“Uh, I don’t know, actually. That’s what he did last time?”

“Oh, for god’s sake,” Rose said. “We’ve gotten this far, and nobody managed to memorize the code as he entered it, so we can either teleport in there, or we can go back. And I’m not going back.” She grabbed Jade’s hand, and John’s on the other side, indicating for Dave to complete the circle. He wrinkled his nose at the hand-holding, but did it without comment.

Jade closed her eyes –

 

_POP._

“That’ll never not be the worst,” Dave said from the ground. John was partially on top of him, so he rolled him off and sat up, looking around. The lab looked exactly like the last time they had seen it, down to the fine layer of dust on the unsettling machines. And, thankfully, Scratch wasn’t anywhere in sight.

“Whoa,” John said, sounding slightly sickened as he turned his head to take everything in, and Dave remembered that it was his first time seeing the gnarly clones suspended in green goo. “ _Cool.”_

“It worked, then. We got inside.” Rose said with a frown. “It always seems like a sort of lottery as to whether or not we’ll be able to get into one of Scratch’s locked rooms.”

She moved over towards one of the machines they hadn’t tried last time – one that looked like a giant laser gun with a frightening input panel, and set Roxy’s phone on the keyboard.

“Hal, are you running?” she said, beginning to pull wires out of the back of the machine.

“Yep,” Dirk’s voice said from the phone, lighting the screen up. “Better come catch me.”

“Alright. I’m plugging you in.”

“What exactly are we looking for?” Jade asked, joining Rose at the control panel and reaching over to power the thing on. The wall of incomprehensible computer gibberish appeared once again, like before, but this time Jade frowned and started pressing keys like she understood it, navigating through several menus.

 _Harley,_ Dave thought with wonder, looking at her.

“These are the unanswered questions I want answers to,” Rose said, extracting a notepad from her pocket and showing them all a brief list in her loopy handwriting. It contained three items. “If we can figure them out, there might be something there that we can use to our advantage. Or not. But it never hurts to have too much information, and it’s not like we have any other leads right now.” Her eyes flicked to the first item on the list as she set it down on the counter and moved over to fiddle with the machine. “This first one is probably going to be the easiest to find an answer to: what exactly went wrong with generation one?”

“It was the power source; I tied it to their lives. The frailty of human bodies was a mystery to me at the time.”

 

Dave shot back about three feet, slowing everything around him, before he caught himself.

However, once he managed to right time’s course, heart still hammering, John appeared right in front of him – eyes wide with fear and hands splayed outward – and then the room was instantly destroyed as a blast of wind with the force of a hurricane tore through it.

 

 

After no less than ten seconds of carnage, Dave finally opened his eyes. He had been flung against the far wall, and Rose was lying on the ground at his feet with what had once been Roxy’s phone lying next to her.

Only two people had managed to stay upright: John, standing stunned amidst pieces of broken glass and immense chunks of machinery, and Doc Scratch, who was leaning against the wall in a spot that had previously been shielded from their view by one of the machines. Something about his posture suggested he had been there all along.

 

“Whoops,” he said, looking around himself as if only just noticing the destruction John had caused. “Those took me a while to build. Ah, well. They had served their purpose, anyway. I really only kept them around for the nostalgia value.”

He stepped away from the wall while the four kids were recovering. Something must have struck Jade, because when she raised her head to stare dazedly at Scratch moving past her, there was a puddle of red on the tiled floor.

“I don’t believe I ever gave you the official tour of my laboratory. I’d offer you one now, but, well…” Scratch laughed, gesturing around. “And anyway, it seems gave yourself the grand tour already, quite a while ago. Ah, but there must be some things you missed on the way. Would you like me to show you the test tubes where I mixed you up?” he asked Jade, stopping beside her. “With any luck, there may still be some left intact.”

 

Rose had dragged herself off the ground, onto her knees. “What do you mean you tied it to their lives?” she managed to choke out.

“An acute listener, even in difficult circumstances! Excellent.” Scratch said approvingly. “Well, since you’ve expressed an interest that is no less than healthy, I don't see the harm in telling you.”

He stopped, and fondly ran a palm over a piece of machine which had probably been a keyboard before John happened. “You see,” he said, “when I first started on my little hobby, I made a mistake. When I made the first generation, I aimed to make them powerful. And I succeeded. But I placed the source of their power _within_ them, and as a result, weakened them. Any time they used their powers, it would drain away a little of that essence that kept them alive. A grievous oversight on my part, I’m afraid, and the cause of much suffering on theirs.”

“Amazing to think you make mistakes, as omnipotent as you are.”

Dave winced. _Rose. Now really isn’t the time to be sassing him._

“Ah, forgive me,” Scratch apologized. “I mean to say, of course, that all my mistakes are fully accounted for in the eyes of the universe. The creation of the faulty guardians wasn’t a mistake. In fact, it was an integral part of my plan, and without their existence the whole matter would quite fall apart. I thought that went without saying. Simply put, the reason I called this step in the process of my machinations a ‘mistake’ was for your sake. I thought it may make the story more relatable.”

_God I really do fucking hate him though._

“I’m sorry I said anything,” Rose said dryly.

Seemingly surveying the damage done to his lab, Scratch started walking again. The tank with the clones had burst, covering one half of the room with green fluid, and among it, slumped, slick-shiny figures.

Dave didn’t let himself look at them too long. He knew he’d start looking for the ones that had a head of white-blonde hair and scrawny limbs, and that would set off plenty more existential nightmares.

“Anyway, with the next generation, and with yours, too, I made sure not to repeat the same ‘mistake’,” Scratch went on. “No, unlike them, your power source is external. You draw strength from a great and noble entity. It would be true to say that this entity is ancient, but it would be equally true to say that it does not yet exist, and as you drain its energy, you simultaneously refill it, like a wondrously efficient Mobius strip. Time is a funny thing, isn’t it?” He chuckled, then abruptly stopped. ‘Well, not to me, it isn’t. I have unerring control over it.”

 

He wandered over towards Rose, and Dave instinctually started forwards just as she picked up a length of metal pipe and held it out in front of herself. But the headmaster simply stooped and picked up the notebook that had been laying on the ground beside her.

Eyebrows raised, he began to flick through it with a small smile on his face. “Now. Let’s see what else I can answer. _‘Why the gene mixing between J/J/J/J and R/R/D/D?’_ What’s this, a code? Oh, I see, it’s your names. Hm. That was just a little experimentation on my part. Are any of you, perchance, well versed in dog breeding?”

He paused, as if waiting for one of the four teenagers to enthusiastically respond that they were, and then smiled wider when he got no response. “It’s no wonder, for such elegant beings as you. Dogs are terrible creatures.” He shook his head, and Jade looked like she was holding herself back from growling at him. “But, if you were to lower yourself to that practice – or in fact any kind of animal breeding – you might find that mongrel genes often make a specimen stronger.”

While Dave was busy being horrified at his birth being compared to dog breeding, Scratch looked around the group fondly. “And I get the feeling that the four of you… will be the strongest of all. And the role you play will be integral in orchestrating future events.” He shrugged. “Well, not to discredit the others too much. All pieces of the puzzle are important. But it is an unspoken thing, is it not, that it is the corner pieces which hold the thing together.”

 

He handed the notebook back to Rose, white suit cuffs gleaming, completely untouched by the dust and debris of the blast. She refused to take it.

“What about the second question?” she asked in a low voice. “You skipped over it.”

“Yes, I’m aware,” Scratch said, tilting the pad slightly and allowing Dave to make out the words, _‘2. Why continue to clone after batch two turned out successful?’._

“Why did you keep cloning after that?” Rose said, her eyes also tracing over those words. “Why did you make another generation? _Why did you make us?"_

“Patience. All in good time. Have you no regard for proper storytelling?” Scratch chided her, then handed the notebook to Dave instead, who unthinkingly accepted it. Rose glared at him. “Besides, there have been quite enough revelations for this chapter, don’t you think? It would be unwise to show my hand all at once.”

“Um, what did you just say?” John said from across the room. He had been intermittently looking between his own hands as if shocked beyond compare by the power that had come out of them, and his twin sister trying to stem the blood from her head wound.

“What I mean to say is, I think you should go now,” Scratch said, and then, like a white hand had pushed them through spacetime, they were on the ground in the front courtyard.

 

 

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began chatting with carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: hey  
TG: karkat  
TG: hey  
TG: hey  
TG: you there?  
TG: i think we need to talk  
CG: WE DON’T *NEED* TO DO ANYTHING.  
TG: ok then  
TG: i want to talk  
TG: is that verb treating you better  
CG: ROSE ALREADY FILLED ME IN ON WHAT HAPPENED IN THE LAB IN MORE WORDS THAN I COULD EVER BEAR TO TAKE AGAIN.  
CG: WHAT THE HELL ELSE IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT.  
TG: is that  
TG: is that a trick question  
CG: NO!  
CG: WE JUST HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. THAT’S ALL.  
TG: lets be real here k-man we always have something to talk about even when theres literally actually nothing to talk about  
TG: but today i would say there most certainly is something to talk about and thats why were talking  
CG: I COULDN’T EVEN POSSIBLY BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHAT YOU’RE REFERRING TO.  
CG: NOW LEAVE ME ALONE, I HAVE STUFF TO DO.  
TG: yeah you do  
TG: its called talking to me about this thing we need to talk about  
CG: PLEASE DAVE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. TWIST THE SPIGOT OF STUPIDITY AND STANCH THE BLISTERING, CAUSTIC FLOW OF POINTLESS WORDS. PREFERABLY BEFORE WE BOTH DROWN IN THE ONSLAUGHT.  
CG: THERE ARE MORE PRESSING MATTERS AT HAND THAN YOUR COMPLETE BUFFOONERY, AND THOUGH THEY MAY NOT BE DEMANDING MY FULL ATTENTION RIGHT NOW, I’M A MILLION TIMES MORE DETERMINED TO LIE HERE AND THINK ABOUT THEM THAN TO LISTEN TO YOU WAX POETIC IN A LANGUAGE THAT IS UNDOUBTEDLY GOING TO MAKE MY EARDRUMS WANT TO CRAWL RIGHT DOWN INSIDE MY EUSTACHIAN TUBES AND START NESTING FOR THE WINTER.  
CG: HYPOTHETICALLY, OF COURSE. SINCE I CAN’T HEAR YOU RIGHT NOW. WE’RE TYPING. OBVIOUSLY.  
TG: yeah cool anyway  
TG: are you  
TG: uh  
TG: are you aware that we kissed recently  
CG: YES I AM FUCKING AWARE DAVE!!!!!  
TG: ok good  
TG: i was kind of worried i might have time powersd it outta existence for a hot second there  
CG: YOU ARE SO INFURIATING.  
CG: YOU DO REALIZE THAT WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE IS I AM BEING CONSIDERATE AND TRYING TO GIVE BOTH OF US AN EASY OUT???  
CG: IN CASE YOU CAN’T PIECE IT TOGETHER YOURSELF, I’LL GIVE YOU A RUNDOWN OF EXACTLY HOW YOU WERE FEELING AFTER THAT WHOLE *THING* HAPPENED:  
CG: YOU WERE VERY EMBARRASSED, AND VERY CONFUSED. IT SUCKED.  
CG: SO I’M CHOOSING TO TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION BY NOT MAKING YOU TALK ABOUT IT AND YET, IN A TRULY MASTERFUL DISPLAY OF THAT BITTER IRONY YOU CLAIM TO LOVE SO MUCH, HERE *YOU* ARE MAKING *ME* TALK ABOUT IT.  
CG: OH HOW ALANIS MORISSETTE WOULD WEEP.  
TG: thing  
CG: YES THING!!!!  
TG: are you allergic to the word kiss  
CG: FUCK YOU, DON’T AVOID THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE!  
TG: well  
TG: yeah  
TG: i mean  
TG: i guess youre not wrong  
TG: but dont get ME wrong i wasnt feeling like that because i hate you or anything  
CG: I NEVER SAID YOU WERE.  
TG: in fact it was probably just a pretty natural reaction at the time all things considered  
CG: YES.  
CG: AND THAT’S WHY I’M SAYING WE DON’T NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT.  
CG: THERE’S NOTHING TO DISCUSS HERE.  
CG: WE BOTH HAD NATURAL REACTIONS TO THE SITUATION WE WERE IN, AND WE BOTH GOT CARRIED AWAY, AND DID STUFF THAT WAS PROBABLY INADVISABLE IN HINDSIGHT.  
CG: AND MY FUCKING POWERS JUST ACTED AS A CATALYST TO MAKE IT WORSE FASTER, BECAUSE I WAS UPSET AND YOU WERE TRYING TO BE A GOOD FRIEND AND HELP ME FEEL BETTER. AND EMPATH POWERS JUST FEED OFF THAT SHIT.  
CG: TRUST ME. HEIGHTENED EMOTIONS, NO MATTER HOW PLATONIC, BOUNCE OFF ONE ANOTHER WHERE I’M CONCERNED.  
CG: AND THINGS CAN GET UGLY QUICKLY.  
TG: huh  
TG: has this happened before then  
CG: WELL. NO.  
CG: IT’S JUST LIKE.  
CG: A THEORY OF MINE.  
TG: so what youre saying is  
TG: when you kissed back  
TG: like the second time  
CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO  
CG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!!!  
CG: I HATE THAT I TYPE IN CAPS ALL THE TIME, I REALLY WISH I COULD TYPE IN FUCKING DOUBLE CAPS OR SOMETHING JUST SO YOU COULD COMPREHEND EXACTLY THE LEVEL OF NOT-OKAY THE CONVERSATION IS VEERING INTO RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!  
TG: okay jeez  
TG: i was just going to ask if that thing that i mentioned was an indication that you actually liked me or something   
TG: didnt realize you were going to type at a speed that would break the sound barrier  
TG: and i just want to clarify before you inevitably freak out that it would be fine if you did like me and it wouldnt make me uncomfortable or skeeved or anything im not a homophobe  
TG: im a cool hip dude and im open to anything is basically what im saying  
TG: imagine me playing a bongo sitting backwards on a chair  
TG: or a hammock  
TG: if you even can sit backwards on a hammock  
TG: anyway im managing it and im the very image of a man who is approachable and openminded  
TG: its fine if you have a crush on me in fact its only fucking reasonable considering the dangerous level of chill im exuding right now  
CG: WOW. CONCEITED!  
CG: YOU ARE NOT THAT IRRESISTIBLE TO ME, SORRY BRO. BONGO OR NO BONGO.  
TG: is it really conceited to think that someone might like you after you kissed  
TG: i think its more like common sense  
CG: STOP IT!!!! STOP SAYING THAT WORD.  
TG: common sense?  
CG: THAT’S TWO WORDS AND YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS FUCKING REFERRING TO.  
TG: karkat  
CG: DAVE.  
TG: please  
TG: if im being totally honest here  
TG: which as you know is our patented bro policy  
TG: i just dont understand what the hell is going on  
TG: sorry.  
CG: OKAY.  
CG: LOOK.  
CG: HERE’S THE DEAL.  
CG: FOR STARTERS, I MADE A SPECTACLE OUT OF MYSELF BY BURSTING INTO TEARS OUT OF NOWHERE, AND FOR THE RECORD, I’M STILL EMBARRASSED ABOUT THAT.  
CG: NO, STOP TYPING, DAVE, I’M SAYING SOMETHING HERE. LET ME FINISH.  
CG: THANK YOU.  
CG: THEN, SECONDLY, YOU WERE INFLUENCED BY MY POWERS, WHETHER YOU REALIZED IT OR NOT. AND I WAS, TOO.  
TG: you  
TG: you were too  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: SO, WE GOT CARRIED AWAY AND EMBARRASSED OURSELVES.  
CG: BUT THAT’S NOTHING NEW TO EITHER OF US. WE’VE ALWAYS BEEN EMBARRASSING.  
CG: IN FACT, AS A SIDENOTE, I WOULD DEFINITELY SAY WE SHOULD MAKE A PACT RIGHT NOW TO AGREE TO DELETE ALL RECORDS OF THIS CONVERSATION FROM OUR COMPUTERS ONCE WE’RE FINISHED HAVING IT.  
TG: so basically what youre saying is  
TG: it didnt mean anything  
CG: IT’S NOT THAT.  
CG: WELL IT IS KIND OF THAT, YEAH.  
CG: BUT THAT SOUNDS SUPER DICKISH.  
CG: WHAT I MEAN IS, I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT YOUR FIRST INSTINCT WAS TO TRY AND COMFORT ME.  
CG: IT’S JUST THAT THE SENTIMENT ENDED UP GETTING EXPRESSED IN KIND OF A WEIRD WAY THAT NEITHER OF US INTENDED. BECAUSE OF MY POWERS.  
TG: huh  
CG: IT DIDN’T. LOOK, IT DIDN’T NECESSARILY HAVE TO BE YOU. IT COULD’VE HAPPENED TO ANYONE, RIGHT? THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING.  
TG: couldve happened to anyone  
CG: RIGHT.  
TG: because of your powers  
CG: EXACTLY.  
CG: BESIDES, YOU ARE STILL TEREZI’S BOYFRIEND, ANYWAY, IF I’M NOT TOTALLY INCORRECT?  
CG: YOU DIDN’T REALLY BREAK UP. THAT’S WHAT VRISKA SAID. AT THE MEETING.  
TG: oh  
TG: uh maybe  
CG: AND I’D DEFINITELY KICK YOUR TEETH IN IF YOU WERE INTENTIONALLY CHEATING ON HER.  
CG: AND I’D KICK MY OWN TEETH IN TOO IF I WERE HELPING YOU DO THAT.  
TG: that sure sounds like a thing you would do  
CG: SO WE SHOULD PROBABLY JUST CHALK THIS THING UP TO MY POWERS BEING WEIRD AND HAVING SOME AWKWARD SIDE EFFECTS.  
CG: AND AGREE NOT TO LET THIS AFFECT OUR FRIENDSHIP.  
CG: BECAUSE FORGIVE ME FOR BEING GROSS BUT LOSING YOU AS A FRIEND WOULD KIND OF BE THE WORST THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD I THINK.  
TG: …  
CG: DAVE?  
TG: yeah.  
CG: SO  
CG: ARE WE GOOD?  
TG: peachy  
TG: actually  
TG: could i talk to you later  
TG: something has come up  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK. YOU’RE THE ONE WHO STARTED THIS CONVERSATION THAT I DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE, AND NOW YOU’RE JUST GOING TO SNEAK OUT LIKE A PRETEEN WITH A BOTTLE OF MALIBU??  
TG: yeah theres something i forgot to do but i just remembered i have to do it  
CG: WELL OK.  
CG: IF IT’S THAT IMPORTANT, I WON’T KEEP YOU.  
CG: …IS IT THAT IMPORTANT?  
TG: it is  
TG: and were good dont worry  
CG: OK. I WON’T.  
TG: later  
CG: OKAY.  
CG: LATER.

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased chatting with  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began chatting with  tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: hypothetical question  
TG: what would you do if you thought someone might like you and then you started to maybe like them too and then it turned out to be a big misunderstanding but your maybe feelings still didnt really go away  
TT: Hm.  
TT: All other complicating factors aside, I suppose I would have no other choice but to - hypothetically, of course - be quite reasonably upset?  
TG: ok  
TG: sounds like a plan

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased chatting with  tentacleTherapist [TT]


	17. Chapter 17

Scratch disappeared again that week.

 

“This is becoming a pattern, I swear,” Rose said, standing outside the headmaster’s door with her arms folded. Her knuckles were red from knocking.

“I don’t know what you want from him. He’s answered all of our questions anyway. It kind of made us look like idiots, actually.” Dave said. “Let’s just go back.”

“To what? Sit in the common room by ourselves and wonder how the hell we ended up here?” She started pounding on the door again, harder. There was a little dent in the ornate wood carvings by the handle that was her doing, and it seemed to satisfy her in some strange, Rose-ish way.

“Yeah. That’s kind of exactly what I was going to suggest.”

“Well, you’ll have to find another partner, Dave, because I’m not willing to accompany you in that endeavour for what must amount to the fifth time this week.”

“…Low blow.”

That got Rose to stop banging and turn to look at him. “What?”

“You know. _Partner_.”

She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling, like she was asking the dark gods for patience. “Did anyone ever think to inform you that not everything is a subtle jab about your drama with Karkat?”

“Yeah. Okay.” Dave shuffled his feet, suddenly much more interested in his own converse than in any of the recent drama with Scratch. “I’m gonna go anyway though. I don’t think I’m really helping you here, and there might be someone else I can find who’ll appreciate me being a nuisance more than you will.”

 

“Dave!” Rose called after him as he slunk away down the stairs. “You seriously need to talk to him.”

 

“We _did_ talk, Rose, that’s kind of the problem,” Dave mumbled, more to himself than to her, but he knew she heard it.

 

Karkat and Dave had stopped hanging out almost overnight, and it was about as awkward for everyone else as it was for them. The first few jokes about a ‘lovers’ tiff’ had fallen so flat that nobody dared to make them anymore, not even Vriska, and the evening hangouts in Karkat’s room had ground to a complete and sudden halt. On the boring evenings after class, when even John got bored of his bullshit, Dave was forced to watch their usual handful of movies completely alone, and it made him feel so sorry for himself that he just stopped completely and started obsessively stress-drawing SBAHJ comics again instead.

 

 _Maybe it’s a good thing we’re keeping our distance,_ Dave told himself whenever he got so lonely he was tempted to go see if the angry bumping around and swearing meant that Karkat really was in next door, and it wasn’t just Sollux flipping out on yet another one of his streams. _I don’t think I could keep up the pretence of being just friends right now anyway. Hanging out would be awkward._

The excuse that Karkat gave to everyone who definitely didn’t ask was that he was looking after Gamzee, who was in a ‘fragile place’ after starting to go sober. It wasn’t untrue. The juggalo wandered into every class red-eyed in a very different way from before, jaw set in place like it was hurting him just to be awake. Nobody was sure if the sobriety was voluntary or not, though. Summer break, when they would be allowed to return to Earth again, was weeks away, and not one person had dared venture out to check if the portals to Earth were still functional or not. Dave suspected that everyone shared his same nagging fear that they wouldn’t be.

 

Instead of taking the stairs back up to the dorms, Dave veered down the corridor and headed towards the art classroom.

“Ah, Dave!” Ms Paint said brightly when he opened the door, wiping her inky hands on her apron. “You’ve been dropping in on us a lot lately! Can’t wait for your own session later this week, hm?”

“Something like that,” Dave replied in passing, wandering through the half-full room towards the corner where Jade and Nepeta were having a quiet tea party using the water cups. Nepeta’s finger painting, background daubed in a suspicious shade of red, was lying half-finished on the table between them.

 _Maybe I’ll finally be able to distract myself from thinking about Karkat,_ Dave thought as he flopped down into the spare chair. _Lord knows I could use a distraction._

“Dave!” Jade said, holding out a makeshift teacup which he refused to take. “Don’t you think Karkat and Nepeta would just make the cutest couple?”

Dave stiffened in his seat.

Nepeta had her hands over her face, blushing. “No!” she protested furiously, apparently not noticing Dave’s strange reaction. “Let’s not talk about this, purrlease!”

Jade hadn’t noticed either, because if she had she probably wouldn’t have continued, “Seriously, I think you two would be adorable together! Dave, don’t you agree?”

“Uh. I don’t know if Karkat’s interested in…”

Nepeta started to look disappointed even before he thought of an end to that sentence, so Dave cleared his throat and tried again. “I don’t know, man. I don’t know if he’s a good choice. For you. Nepeta.”

“Oh, come on. I know you’re mad at him because you two have had another one of your silly arguments again, and also that you’re suuuuuper straight and everything, but you have to admit Karkat is just objectively quite cute!” Jade insisted. “With his little pout.”

“Is he?” Dave thought about it. Since becoming best bros with him, he had never considered how Karkat might have looked to other people.

 _Everything he does is cute to me,_ he thought gloomily. _Because I like him._

“Well, yeah!” Jade said, surprising him. “He’s the most eligible bachelor at Doc Scratch’s. Along with you, of course, Dave.” She winked, then thought about it some more, then added, “And Rufioh.”

 _Eligible bachelor?_ Dave wanted to laugh. _Well. I guess the other male choices are like. Eridan._

_Is Karkat a catch? He’s sort of gotten taller, now, and that’s pretty hot. But I guess, now that I really think about it, he was hot even before he got tall. He has… strong features. Thick eyebrows. And a good jawline. And he gives good hugs. And his mouth is –_

_Oh my god. Wait. Fuck. He’s actually hot. I can’t believe this. I never even noticed before because he’s a dude and he’s usually yelling himself hoarse and also I’m around him so much I’ve gotten used to his dumb grumpy face._

_He’s a dude. And he’s hot._

_He’s totally a dude and he’s totally hot._

“Honestly we’ve never even talked all that much,” Nepeta said in a small voice, fiddling with her teacup, while Dave had a silent crisis beside her. “And now if we did he would defurnately be able to figure out how I feel because of that empurrthy thing he can do.”

“Oh, what does that matter!” Jade huffed. “You just need to take the leap and be honest with him! You won’t get someone to like you back by not hanging out with them.”

 “But won’t he think I’m weird?”

“Hmm, I don’t know about that! I think, if I were him, I would be flattered! It’s nice to have someone like you.”

Nepeta looked glum. “Geez. You’re so brave, Jade.”

“Hey, you’ve brave too, I’ve seen you kill a bison with your bare hands!” Jade took Dave’s untouched teacup (a mixing palette) and pretended to refill it while she considered things, thoughtfully adding, “Maybe you just need a little _push_ to help you along.”

She hummed for a second, and then it seemed like an idea came to her. Her eyes were bright when she turned. “Dave! You’re his best friend, right? Couldn’t you put in a good word?”

 

Dave, who had been busy still being thunderstruck, managed to choke out, “Couldn’t I what.”

“You know! Maybe try and bring Nepeta up around him, see how he reacts? Or maybe just ask how he feels about dating in general, that might be a good start, you know how touchy he gets.”

“I already know how he feels about dating which is to say that he’s a big fan of it in principle but he’s sure it would never work out for him. He thinks he's unloveable.” Dave had replied before he had a chance to think it through.

 _Shit, dude, just lay out your best bro’s deepest insecurities for everyone to gawk at, why don’t you?_ Dave winced inwardly, wishing he could take it back. _Just because you’re worried someone might try and date him before you do._

_Nah. Wait. I’m not… I’m not worried about that, right? It’s Nepeta, I don’t think he likes Nepeta. He probably would’ve mentioned it if he liked Nepeta, right? I don’t think he’s even mentioned Nepeta one time throughout our whole friendship._

_…God. Poor Nepeta. It’s a good thing she’s not the one who can read thoughts._

“No, that’s impawsible!” Nepeta was protesting, and then she immediately shrunk in embarrassment when Dave accidentally turned whatever strange expression he was wearing on her. He hastily tried to school himself.

 _It doesn’t matter if you’re her comrade in the whole liking-Karkat thing. Don’t say any of it out loud. This isn’t about you._ “Anyway, Jade, look, that whole using-me-as-a-romantic-canary plan’s not gonna work,” he said, rubbing at his temple. “You know Karkat’s basically impossible to keep secrets from, right? He can smell my guilt coming from a mile away. It’s a smell he’s pretty dang used to.”

Jade looked mildly disappointed. “Oh yeah. Oh well! We’ll figure something out. He’s single right now, right? So there’s still hope yet.” She laughed, then said, thoughtlessly, with a smile, “You know, it seems silly now, but we all used to have this secret theory that you and Karkat were dating, for the longest time! There was a whole thread about it and everything! It updated basically every day.”

Nepeta, who was still looking anxiously at Dave, must have mistaken his silence for horror, because she was quick to add, “It was mostly only a joke, though! Since you’re Terezi’s boyfurriend and everything. We all know that.”

“Oh!” Jade put her hand over her mouth, eyebrows raised in twin arches. “Is that still a thing? I’m sorry, I totally thought you broke up ages ago. For some reason.”

“No, we’re not really…” Even though his thoughts were very much elsewhere, Dave managed to stop himself, realizing that he couldn’t finish that sentence without looking like a dickhead in front of one of Terezi’s closest friends. At least, not until he had bothered to have a proper conversation with the girl herself.

 

Instead, he stood up abruptly. “I just realized I’m not supposed to be in this class.”

That made Jade look at him funny, but he couldn’t come up with anything more convincing even when he lingered for a second, so he just turned to go.

 

 _Everyone saw it, too,_ was ringing through his head, getting tangled up with his thoughts of Terezi. _They saw me and Karkat, and they thought we were more than friends. This wasn’t just me being delusional, they looked at the two of us together and they thought we were dating. That was the vibe we gave off._

The idea of people seeing him and Karkat as a couple sent a brief thrill through him, but it was quickly followed by gloominess. _Well. They were wrong, though._

He still couldn’t shake the image.

 

As he passed through the door to the art room, saluting Ms Paint farewell, he looked back for a split-second and saw Jade frowning worriedly at him as if she was beginning to realize that she had said something wrong. _Harley, if you’re anywhere near as bad as your brother, it’ll take you until next year to figure it out._

He gave in and smiled at her before leaving, but that only made her frown deepen. Still, he was grateful when she had the good sense not to teleport after him.

 

 

 

Maybe it was because it was particularly hot that night, and John had a tendency to snore in the heat and send the curtains fluttering every eight seconds, but Dave was awake well after the digital clock at his bedside read 4am, turning over and over. Since the kiss, it seemed like everything regarding Karkat was beginning to come together with uncomfortable clarity. Just when he thought he was done having revelations, another one would pop up, new and fresh and kind of terrifying.

_Right. So. I like Karkat, and he’s a dude. That much I’ve firmly established. But part of me always thought that he might just be an exception to the rule. Like I was still straight and it was just that I liked him enough to temporarily ignore the dude part._

_Yeah. Ok. That’s not it._

_He’s wiry and has kind of muscular arms and his voice is lower than mine and I like all those things._

_But what the fuck. I like girls, I’ve always liked girls. Since puberty I’ve liked girls and maybe that’s because girls are all I’ve ever let myself like but damn if I don’t like girls. How can I like dudes too? Physically speaking._

_Unless…_

 

He sat up in bed like a bolt of lightning had hit him.

 

 

The door to Rose’s bedroom was flung wide open. Luckily, her roommate slept like the dead. “Rose! I’m bisexual!”

“Yep,” Rose said after barely looking up from her book.

Undeterred, he made his way over to her, picking his way across the strewn clothing and loose papers on the floor. “I’m bisexual and it’s not Karkat’s fault!” He paused. “Well, it might be his fault that I _realized_ , if you can really blame him for being both cute and hot, which I can and will, but it’s not his fault that I am.” He stopped by the bed. “Also I’m here to tell you that when we were fourteen and you psychoanalysed me and said I had a subliminal crush on Ben Affleck, I think you might have been right, and I shouldn’t have put your knitting in the washing machine for saying it.”

“Forgiven, but not forgotten.” Rose marked a page in her book and set it to the side, and when she met his eyes she was smiling, chin rested atop her cupped hands.

“So,” she began. “You’ve worked out that he’s cute, and you’ve also worked out that he’s hot. Congratulations, you might be onto something here.”

He flopped down on the bed beside her. “This isn’t funny.” She snorted in disagreement, so he said, “Well, okay, yeah, it might be a little funny that it took me so long to work it out, but it would be a hell of a lot funnier if I didn’t have definite confirmation that the guy that caused this whole sexual crisis doesn’t like me back, so you’ll have to forgive me for not splitting my sides over this one.” He closed his eyes, suddenly downcast at the memory of that conversation. “ _Could’ve happened to anyone_ indeed,” he said, voice coming out too small. “Just my fucking luck.”

Rose only let him stew for a second before she spoke. “For what it’s worth, I would be cautious when it comes to taking what Karkat said at face value. Have you ever considered that he might have been deflecting? Because he was embarrassed?”

“Well, yeah,” Dave admitted. The thought had crossed his mind, but he had pushed it down because it had looked alarmingly like the last pathetic smear of hope lingering encrusted on the bottom of Pandora’s box. “Shit, I don’t know. Don’t let me start believing that or you’ll run the risk of me doing some stupid embarrassing garbage and fucking everything up again.”

The smile lingered on Rose’s mouth, only partially sarcastic. “We’re all stupid in the face of love, Dave.”

Dave smirked humorlessly in response. “Yeah, and some of us are just stupid period.” He breathed out heavily. “Not me, though, not this time, I’m definitely not going to go fishing for another conversation where he’ll tell me in graphic detail how much of a sorry accident it was that we kissed.”

Rose’s eyebrows climbed higher at that, but Dave didn’t notice, rolling over onto his back. He glanced over to one side, suddenly hyperaware of Aradia, but the pile of black hair on the other bed hadn’t stirred since he barged into the room.

“Anyway,” he went on, voice lowered, “even if you were right, and he did like me back – and that’s a big fucking _if_ – what difference would it make? He’s clearly uncomfortable with all this. I can’t push him on it if he doesn’t want to be pushed.”

“There’s a difference between pushing someone and simply being clear about your desires.” It must have been obvious that he was still doubtful, because Rose huffed a frustrated laugh. “For god’s sake, Dave, I’m not suggesting you _guilt_ him into a relationship with you. As if that’s a thing that could even happen. Just that you talk to him. Again. And be clearer this time. If I know anything about you, I know you probably kept yourself at a distance and neglected to mention your own feelings for him at all in the last conversation, right?”

“Uh.”

“You truly are useless,” Rose told him, unimpressed, after he squirmed under her accusatory stare for a moment. “How can you ever expect _him_ to be the one to step up to the emotional plate when you’re never willing to put yourself in a vulnerable enough position to get your own feelings hurt?” She shook her head in disbelief. “And yet, amazingly, here you are, somehow managing to get your feelings hurt regardless. It seems to me that the two of you might as well just cut out the middleman and hurt one another directly. It would be much more efficient.”

“Only you could make having a crush sound like a duel,” Dave said. “Also, damn, that was incisive. I feel psychoanalyzed as hell right now.”

“Would you expect any less?” Rose pointed out, smirking. There was quiet for a moment, and then she leaned over and raised her eyebrows pointedly at him where he was still staring up at the ceiling. “So? Have my words left a mark? Can I expect you and Karkat to be having an adult conversation any time soon?”

 

Dave breathed out an awkward semi-laugh. “Shit, Rose, give me a chance. I only just came to terms with the fact that I have a crush on him.” He paused. “Actually, maybe it’s a good thing that he’s not talking to me right now, maybe we just need some time to let everything settle. Before we. You know. Rush into anything.”

“Trust me, Dave, there has been no _rushing_ where the two of you are concerned.” A sigh. “You know, when you burst in here excitedly declaring your sexuality, I rather thought it meant that I was going to be able to close the book on this whole business between you and Karkat.”

That got Dave to look over at her. “You knew?”

“Knew what?”

“Knew we had a… knew there was a _thing?_ Between me and Karkat?”

Rose looked at him like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “The two of you have been wearing matching friendship bracelets for three months now.” He started to protest, so she interrupted, “And that may be construed as platonic, heaven knows many people can spend almost every moment of their waking life with another person and have the relationship never even threaten to veer into romantic territory, but what really tipped me off was when you ended one library study session by telling me you liked him so much you were going to date him.”

“That was a joke, I was _joking_ ,” Dave groaned, wincing slightly at the memory as he tried, self-consciously, to tuck the little string bracelet he always wore on his right wrist back up into the sleeve of his shirt. Terezi had given him a kit to make them on his last birthday and Karkat had somehow found the packet under the bed and responded to Dave’s taunting over his artistic abilities by insisting he could _definitely_ make one, _thank you,_ in fact, he was going to make one for everyone in the school, but in the end had only managed two – red and ugly and barely even properly strung together – then gotten frustrated and petulantly refused to make any more, then gotten even more frustrated when Dave double-knotted it onto his wrist when he wasn’t looking and the knot proved so tight that neither of them could get it off without destroying it. To mollify him, Dave had tied the other shitty bracelet onto his own wrist – (“Now we look like a pair of dickweeds, instead of just one”) – and he had worn it ever since. He had been telling himself it was ironic.

“Or wait,” he went on, unsure now. “Maybe I wasn’t. I thought it was a joke at the time, but – ”

 

When he looked up again, Rose was wearing a disgusted grimace. “Thank god Kanaya and I never had this much fuss getting together.”

 _Hypocrite_. “Yeah, the two of you just had to perform an elaborate mating dance that involved Kanaya getting blasted through the stomach before you even considered asking her out.” His sister’s face grew somber upon that reminder, so he hastily backtracked. “Sorry, sorry, dick move. My bad. Also, Karkat and I aren’t going to be getting together. I can handle having a crush on him, and maybe one day we’ll get around to having a conversation where I actually tell him that, but we still aren’t getting together.”

Rose’s eyebrows went up again. “Afraid of commitment, Dave?”

“Maybe,” he admitted, just to make her roll her eyes. “Look, back when I was ‘straight’ I had problems with Terezi. There are so many things that can go to shit in a relationship that have nothing to do with both parties being dudes.”

“You are impossible. You’re not going to wait around and just hope this all goes away by itself, are you?”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

Rose sighed, pulling the blankets from under him to cover up her feet, beginning to settle down properly for the night. “Well, whatever you decide is the best plan of action – which, might I add, that is _not_ – there’s one thing you have to do. Soon.”

Not quite ready to move yet, Dave stared upwards as Rose tried to subtly inch him off the bed.

“Yeah,” he said. “I know. I’ve got to break up with Terezi.”

 

 

As luck would have it, the opportunity presented itself during Biology class that week.

And, by luck, Dave meant Terezi. Because she was the one who came over to him at the start of the class and said, “Hey. We’re partners now, by the way.”

Dave was only surprised for a second – _what, did she read my mind? Oh, wait –_ before he recovered and said, “What about Vriska?”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got it all sorted out.” Terezi inclined a shoulder towards the back of the room, where Dave now noticed that Vriska and John were sitting together, looking uncomfortable but still managing to have some sort of a conversation. “Besides, it’s only temporary.”

“Oh. Right.”

They settled down to do the day’s task – dissecting a Bicyclops’ eyeball – without much instruction from the Disciple, who, as always, remained sitting at her desk with her chin in her hand, the spark gone from her expression. When Rose had tried to confront her over the situation, as she had done with all the teachers, the only thing she had managed to say was, “There’s no point, Rose, please, can we just carry on as normal?” It was easy to tell she was totally defeated by it all, because she hadn’t even done her dumb cat-speech thing.

Watching the older woman fiddle with a pencil, Dave was suddenly struck by the fact that he kind of missed his lessons with the Handmaid. But he was quickly distracted from this thought when Terezi replied, without him saying anything, “What, she’s still missing?”

His pulse spiked briefly before he got it under control. “Uh, yeah,” he answered, not looking over. “Well. According to Scratch, my lessons with her are done.” _Fuck, how do I totally fucking forget she can do the mind reading every time I talk to her. God. She knows, doesn’t she? There’s no way she doesn’t. She must know that I’ve been sitting here this whole time trying to figure out how I’m gonna break up with her – aw FUCK –_

Finally he dared a look over at Terezi, but she just continued to calmly separate the layers of the eyeball with her scalpel. And that was how it continued, for the next forty minutes, until Kanaya took over the role of the teacher by pointing out that the lesson had ended. Then, as everyone was clearing up, Terezi wiped her hands on her lab coat, and calmly said, “Dave, I think we should break up.”

 

Dave, who was in the middle of rinsing away a load of viscous jelly, almost dropped the dissection board into the sink.

“I’m – What?” he said, on autopilot. “Wait, where is this coming from?”

He could’ve kicked himself. _What the fuck are you saying? ‘Where is this coming from?’ You know where this is coming from and you know she knows where this is coming from, and you know that she knows that you – Look, even if you hadn’t been standing here broadcasting your thoughts like the world’s dumbest radio tower for the better part of the last hour, she probably read your mind about the kiss like the day after it happened._

“What kiss?” Terezi said, winking at him conspiratorially, and he considered walking over Eridan and asking to be burned to a miserable crisp.

“You just don’t seem that into it, that’s all,” she went on, ignoring Dave’s self-destructive fantasy. “You never did. At first I thought you were just being cool about your feelings, but then…”

She broke off, looking down at the desk instead of meeting his eye. Around them, people continued to shove instruments into drawers and strip off gloves, somehow neglecting to notice the breakup going on right in front of their eyes.

“What?” Dave said, but didn’t get an answer. “Terezi, what?”

She looked up at him, finally, forcing a smile. “Doesn’t matter. Things just changed.” She started to strip off her own gloves, business-like. “Anyway, you’re clearly not interested in being with me, and I’m not interested in being with someone who isn’t interested in being with me. Does that make sense?”

He nodded dumbly.

“Good.” She held out her hand and took the crumpled pair of gloves he had been fidgeting with from him, and once she came back from her trip to the bin, he quietly said,

“So we were dating.”

Terezi looked at him. It was impossible to tell what her real expression was, behind her glasses, but he thought her eyebrows might be twisted together. “A little?” she offered. “It’s better to be on the safe side and break it off officially anyway.”

 

That, more than any of the angry or hurt ways she could’ve reacted, hit Dave like a punch. He scooted over to the other side of the sink, pretending to wash a pair of tweezers that were already clean, to try and hide his sudden horrible realization of how Terezi had always been the only mature one in their semi-relationship. 

 _She’s brave,_ he realized. _She’s so much braver than me. She went after what she wanted right from the beginning and even though I had plenty of chances to break it off after I realized I didn’t like her enough, which was basically like after the first fucking week, to be honest, I just didn’t. Because I’m a coward. And now she’s here making it easy for me, saying it so I don’t have to, even though it must be at least a bit shitty and awful for her even if she pretends it’s not, and on top of that I must have been putting her through hell for the past year because the girl can read fucking minds –_

_Damn it. How does she do this? How the fuck is she always so sure about what she wants?_

_I never knew what I wanted. I still don’t._

 

“I’m sorry?” Dave said, knowing he had to say it, but for some reason it came out as a question. _Still screwing this relationship up, even right at the end. I should get some sort of a trophy._

 Terezi shrugged, a little too nonchalantly. The classroom was beginning to empty out. “What for? It just didn’t work.”

“No, I. Once Karkat told me how…” He winced, sensing that it was probably a bad time to bring up Karkat, but it was too late and Terezi looked like it wasn’t a surprise to her anyway, so he finished his sentence, “Uh, that it was real fuckin unpleasant to feel. You know. That kind of thing. From a person you like.”

Even though he had managed to be as inarticulate as possible, Terezi somehow understood what he meant; maybe it was from how well she had known Karkat, or maybe she was just beginning to understand Dave now. One side of her mouth pulled up. “Would you believe me if I said it actually doesn’t bother me all that much?” Obviously Dave’s expression said he wouldn’t believe her, but she just shrugged again. “I don’t know, I’m used to it, I guess. I've started to see it as more of a gift.”

She grinned, and Dave suddenly noticed, over her shoulder, that Vriska was watching the two of them intently. “Hey, at least this way no one can lie to me.”

 

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] posted on group discussion titled "ship: SUNGLASSES POWER COUPLE" on board  SKAIANET .

AG: Hey Roxy.  
AG: It’s official.  
AG: Someone owes me a 8ottle of their finest vodka!  
TG: awh shut up spiderbitch

tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  locked group discussion “ship: SUNGLASSES POWER COUPLE”.

 

 

 

Dave wasn’t expecting a knock on his door that evening, and he definitely wasn’t expecting Karkat to be the one behind the knock, looking nervous and holding a laptop under one arm and a tub of ice cream under the other. If he had stopped to think about things, though, he probably would’ve eventually figured out that this was bound to happen. Karkat hadn’t been in Biology that afternoon – he had a note, still written in the Dolorosa’s handwriting, that got him out of any and all dissections after passing out during the first one. But it wasn’t like news of a breakup could be held back for long on a planet with no more than forty inhabitants.

“Hey,” Karkat said, shifting from foot to foot and looking everywhere in the corridor but right in front of him. It was the first time he had ever looked so completely awkward around Dave. “I thought you might not be okay after what happened this afternoon and I guess I couldn’t leave it alone even though now that I think about it for the first fucking time since I went downstairs to steal this ice cream I realize I probably should have, oh god, this was a mistake, I’m going – ” Hurried all of a sudden, he shoved the ice cream and the laptop into Dave’s arms. He only got a few paces down the corridor before he changed his mind. “I mean, wait, I didn’t mean to imply that I’ve been avoiding you or anything if I just did that accidentally, things are cool between us, that much we’ve established, I’ve just been really fucking busy looking after Gamzee and I – hold on, why did I just give you my laptop?” He stepped over and took both items back from Dave.

“I don’t know,” Dave meant to say, thoroughly confused, but he ended up just opening his mouth and then shutting it again, soundlessly. Opposite, Karkat looked like he would like nothing more than to shoot himself.

Instead, he took a deep breath, and started again. “Okay,” he said, “what I actually meant to say is: I heard about what happened with Terezi, and I just wanted to check if you were okay.”

The ice cream was starting to melt.

“I’m – ” Again, Dave opened his mouth to finish that sentence with ‘ _fine’,_ but for some reason he found that he just couldn’t do it. “I’m… I’m not that upset about it. Really.”

“Yeah, I know,” Karkat replied, almost instantly. “I can tell. You’re just numb.”

“I am?” Stupidly, Dave looked down at his own chest, and then immediately wondered why he had done that. Fortunately, Karkat didn’t seem to have noticed. He had pushed brusquely past Dave and was settling into his usual place on the floor against the bed, seemingly determined to ignore the fact that he had been missing from that spot for the past two weeks.

“I brought Good Luck Chuck, is that okay?” he called, furiously and unsuccessfully trying to get his ancient laptop to spit out its DVD drive and still not quite meeting Dave’s eye.

“Um, no?” Dave said, still standing in the doorway. “I hate Good Luck Chuck.”

“Yeah, I know that. I just thought it might be good to have something healthy to direct your negative emotions towards?” Karkat began to look uncertain. “In my defence, it seemed like a good plan to my past self, but if you hate it then I can go grab a different DVD or I can just – I can just go, for real, actually – ” He stood up.

Before he could convince himself to leave again, Dave quickly said, “No, we can watch Good Luck Chuck. I was just trying to warn you that if I watch it one more time I’m pretty sure I’m going to be able to recite it backwards and if I do that I might accidentally summon Dane Cook’s evil spirit, but no, we can watch Good Luck Chuck.”

Bemused and a little fond, Karkat frowned back at him. “…Okay? Why are you standing over there, then?”

Dave took a deep breath. _Okay. Keep it under control. As long as you keep it under control, he won’t notice. And if you really need to, you can always just stop time and ollie out. We’re cool._

He moved away from the doorway and went to sit beside Karkat.

 

 

 

By the time John arrived back at their bedroom at 11:46, the careful gap that Dave had been sure to leave between his and Karkat’s legs was totally gone. In fact, Dave was all but leaning up against Karkat’s side to point at something on the screen.

“Hey guys!” John said, flipping the main lights on only to immediately extinguish them again at the twin noises of protest he received. “You weirdos watching Good Luck Chuck again?”

“What? No.” Karkat said, not taking his eyes off the screen as he typed furiously. “We got bored of that ten minutes in, we’ve watched it like a million fucking times, we’re writing fake user reviews of it on the IMDB page – oh shit, fuck, I just typed what I was saying– ”

“Mention the influence of 1920s avant-garde filmmaking on the cinematography,” Dave said, trying to reach over Karkat’s lap to get at the keys. “Talk about the mise-en-scene –”

“Well, Dave,” Karkat said, frustrated, pulling the keyboard back, “you’re going to have to spell ‘cinematography’ for me – ”

“Just fucking google search it. Or wait for the red squiggly line to come up, then right click and – no, wait, you spelled it so wrong it can’t even tell what you’re trying to say – ”

“Oh yeah, Dave,” John said, as if something had just occurred to him, “Is it true that you and Terezi broke up in Biology class today?”

 

That got Dave and Karkat to stop fighting.

“Uh… yeah, John,” Dave said, pulling his hand back from where he realized it had been hovering dangerously close to Karkat’s crotch. “…We did.”

“Oh man!” John said, empathetically. “That really sucks! I am guessing you probably don’t want to talk about it, because Karkat is here, and that means that you are probably all talked out, but if you do want to talk then you know I am always here for you.”

“Thanks,” Dave said, trying to ignore Karkat stifling a snigger beside him. “We, uh. Already hashed out that subject, but thanks.”

“Alright!” John nodded, turning away to strip his t-shirt off despite a scandalised noise from Karkat and replacing it with the slightly different t-shirt he wore to bed. “I figured that much. Honestly, Karkat, you are probably the best person to talk to about this kind of stuff anyway, since you got dumped by the exact same person.”

“John,” Karkat said, sounding very strained, “has anyone ever told you that you are the most tactless piece of stinking human garbage to ever tumble unwanted and unloved out of an artificial womb?”

“Uh, yeah! I’m pretty sure you’ve told me that before!”

“Well, it’s true.”

“Well what I said is true too!” John replied, tugging his jeans off his legs, leaving them inside-out on the rug, then diving into bed. “The two of you have the ultimate bonding subject! Not being Terezi’s soulmate.”

 

Before either of them had a chance to really process that, John had speedily fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, as was evidenced by the sudden rhythmic draft accompanying his light snores.

_Makes sense. John’s only ever that accidentally mean when he’s tired._

Beside him, Karkat laughed, and when Dave turned to look, he was smirking. “Hate to say it, but he _was_ kind of right.” He looked over, curls falling into black eyes which had gone suddenly warm. “Look at us. A pair of exes.”

Dave’s mouth was dry. “I guess so,” he choked out, focussing on trying to push down the swell that had aggressively bloomed in his chest. _Should I – should I pause time_ –

“Do you want to tell Terezi stories or something?” Karkat asked, and Dave figured that if he was still talking like everything was normal then it meant he probably miraculously hadn’t sensed that last slipup.

Then he frowned when he realized what had actually been said. “What? No.”

“Don’t act like it’s the craziest thing you’ve ever heard,” Karkat said, sounding insulted at Dave’s immediate rejection of his suggestion. “You do realize that’s probably exactly what Terezi is doing right now? It’s standard breakup protocol. And she’s almost definitely doing it to Vriska, which is the worst part, it’s going to give her even _more_ ammunition to run her mouth.”

“I don’t even have any Terezi stories,” Dave said. “I mean, what do you mean, Terezi stories? Like shit-talking?”

“No, not shit-talking!” Karkat said aggressively. “She’s our friend, for fuck’s sake.” There was a pause, in which the two of them stared over at John, who hadn’t awoken despite Karkat’s raised voice, and then Karkat added, gruffly, “I don’t have any Terezi stories, either. Not really. Not any good ones, anyway. Basically all of our dating was done over the internet.”

 

That was news to Dave, who hadn’t really thought about Karkat and Terezi’s relationship all that much besides a sense of amazement at how bad a match the two of them made. “Wait, really?”

His surprise instantly put Karkat on the defensive. “Well, I mean, we met when she was thirteen and on holiday at Disneyworld, and then I moved to Miami and she lived all the way over in Denmark, so it’s not like we really had all that many chances to meet up. Flights are expensive, and – and she came over to stay for one summer break, back when I was fourteen, that was a thing.”

“…And?”

“And, that’s it,” Karkat snapped. “The next time we met was in the courtyard after we got off those buses, where she yelled at me and called me embarrassing and basically broke up with me. And yeah, before you say anything, I know, it was kind of mostly my fault, I don’t need a reminder of that – ”

“ – I wasn’t going to say that,” Dave protested. “Okay, yeah, it _was_ kind of mostly your fault, but – ”

“ – but that doesn’t matter right now. It just so happened that we don’t work as well when we see each other in person, that’s how it turned out, and that’s all I’m going to say about it, I’m done.”

 _“You_ started the conversation,” Dave reminded him, but his thoughts had abruptly shifted elsewhere. “Wait, so you saw each other, what, three times during your entire relationship? Did you even – ?”

“ _Yes,_ of course we kissed, Dave!” Karkat said, with such vehement immediacy that Dave forgot for a moment he wasn’t the one who could read minds. There was a pause. “… On the cheek. A few times. When she came to visit.”

 

Dave laughed out loud at that, and then his delighted grin grew even wider at the shade of angry red that Karkat’s face had begun to turn.

“Oh, you can shut up with that!” Karkat snapped, wrapping himself up even tighter in the blanket to try and disguise his flush. “I was fourteen, and trying to be a _gentleman_ – ”

“No, I’m serious, I think it’s great _,_ ” Dave assured him, still laughing, pushing his shades up to wipe away tears. “You didn’t take advantage, it’s very chivalrous of you.” _Even though Terezi probably wanted you to._

Suddenly, he stopped laughing, and frowned. He was running through an old game of spin the bottle and an old conversation about past relationships, and it was dawning on him that there was a very real possibility that he was Karkat’s first kiss.

 

He looked up, and found Karkat staring at him, wide-eyed, mouth slightly parted.

 _Shit. He can feel that, can’t he?_ If Dave had to describe his emotional state in that moment, it would rest somewhere along the lines of, _like I’m about to throw up, but in a good way. But that good way is also kind of bad._

_Or like I just got punched in the heart._

 

What followed was the most uncomfortable pause of Dave’s life. He wasn’t sure if the atmosphere of intense discomfort was coming from him, or Karkat, or if it was a joint effort. The thought of slowing time and flash-stepping out of there had completely flown from his head.

“Do you want me to…” Karkat’s voice came out strange, and he licked his lips, and it was all Dave could focus on. _Kill me now._ “Uh, do you want me to go?”

Dave couldn’t even process what a strange question that was, because he was too busy enthusiastically nodding.

“Yeah. Okay.” Karkat began to move. “I should probably… it’s late anyway. I meant to go back soon anyway.” He stood up, shedding the blanket to lie among the nest of novelty pillows belonging to John, only pausing once he reached the doorway. “I’ll, uh. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Dave said, his voice coming out hoarser than it had any business being, but Karkat didn’t notice because he was too busy being gone. The door slammed shut, awkwardly loud, and Dave could almost feel Karkat’s cringe at the sound from the other side of the wood.

 

 

Impressively, he managed to crawl up onto the bed and collapse on his back before he buried his face in his hands and breathed out a huge, overwhelmed lungful of air, mind whirring at a million miles per hour.

_What just… what just…_

When he moved, the discarded tub of ice-cream pressed into his side, emerging from under one of the blankets. He prised the top off and looked inside and found that it was entirely liquid.

 

The sound of the door opening again sent him jolting upright. Karkat was standing there, hand on the knob, eyes darting around the room.

When Dave didn’t, _couldn’t_ say anything, he stepped inside – just one step – hesitantly. “Uh, this kind of sucks, but Sollux and Feferi are in my room right now, and they’ve locked the door and they're not answering my knocks so they’re either asleep, or…” He cleared his throat, uncomfortable. “Yeah. So. Sorry to ask but could I just, like, grab a space on your floor, or something.”

“Sure, I – ” Dave agreed too readily, wanting to fix the awkward atmosphere from earlier that he was sure had been his fault, then frowned, “Wait, no, you don’t have to sleep on the floor, dude.”

“That’s – ” Karkat cleared his throat. “Look, thanks, but I don’t think there’s enough room in the bed for both of us – ”

“No, that’s not what I – ” _Oh god, he knows, he knows and he’s creeped out and he thinks I’m trying to take advantage, just grab the nearest thunderbolt and fucking strike me dead here, Zeus –_ Dave pulled himself to the edge of the bed, legs dangling. “I meant you can take the bed if you want it. That’s all I meant.”

“I’m not going to kick you out of your own bed, Dave,” Karkat said exasperatedly. “I’m fine with the floor. I’m not a princess.”

He moved over and started making a space among the pillows, gathering up his usual blanket – _it’s mine, but he uses it so much when we watch movies it’s basically his now, why is that thought so thrilling, why are you such a creep, Dave_ – and making a space for himself on the floor.

“I’m not a princess, either, and I’m fine with the floor, too,” Dave insisted, trying to wrestle the pillows off him. “Look, this is so fucking dumb. I know you sleep worse than I do, there’s no way you’re going to be able to sleep on the floor. Just take the bed.”

“ _You_ just take the bed.”

“Look, either you take the bed or we’ll both end up sleeping on the floor.”

“That would be the dumbest fucking thing when there’s a perfectly good bed right there – ”

“Well why don’t you go sleep on it then?”

“Well why don’t _you – ”_

They both ended up sleeping on the floor.

 

Despite his usual track record of insomnia, Karkat actually managed to fall asleep first. Maybe it wasn’t surprising, considering how exhausted he looked recently, bodily dragging Gamzee away from situations where it seemed like he was about to start fights. Dave was left awake by himself, watching the numbers on the clock and listening to two sets of quiet breathing and hyperaware of the one point on his spine where he and Karkat were incidentally touching as they lay back-to-back on a blanket spread on the floor among too many fucking novelty pillows.

With Karkat safely asleep, he let it wash over him. It was both a relief and the worst thing he had felt all day.

_Why do I want to touch him. Why is it like this, it’s like hunger. It feels like I’m burning up. It feels like the only part of me I can feel any more is that one spot that’s touching him. It was never like this with Terezi. It was nice enough when we were kissing, but I never felt this – desperate –_

Karkat made a pissed-off noise in his sleep and rolled away slightly, and Dave immediately unthinkingly pressed back so that their shoulders were in contact again and then felt like the world’s biggest creep.

_I hate this. I should’ve known this was a bad idea, who said it was a good idea to let me exist in the same room as the person I like while they’re asleep? He’s defenceless. He wouldn’t know if I leaned over and kissed him again._

_I’m never going to be able to get to sleep like this._

But he did get to sleep. He knew he did because he woke up at some time in the obscenely early morning, squinting against a slat of sun piercing through a gap in the curtains that hadn’t bothered him the night before but sure was bothering him now. He rolled over, pulling a cushion over his head, and was about to go back to sleep when he realized that Karkat was making noises next to him.

Trying to be perfectly quiet, he turned onto his side. Karkat was on his back now – still deeply asleep – with a deep frown marring his features. Strangely, the bags under his eyes were even deeper than they had been the night before. He was muttering under his breath, the frown twitching slightly as he did so, like he was having a terrible nightmare.

Dave swallowed, still bleary from sleep and then from the shock of waking up next to Karkat, and was tentatively reaching a hand out to touch his face when he became aware of another presence in the room.

 

He pulled back, and he was right. Gamzee was sitting cross-legged on the computer chair, looking down at the two of them.

“Don’t worry, it’s all good,” he said, when Dave couldn’t find any words to say. His scleras were a vicious, unnatural shade of red. “My lil Karbro over here be seeing nothin’ but fields of green in his dreams.”

 

When Dave had regained enough of his sense to even begin to move, he reached over and shook Karkat awake, more roughly than he intended to.

“Ouch, Dave – what – ” Karkat cracked his eyes open and glared at Dave for a second before he realized what was going on. “Wait, Gamzee, what are you…” He broke off to yawn widely, not bothering to cover his mouth, then turned his glare on his Juggalo friend. “You fucker. Don’t you know it’s creepy to sneak into places when people are sleeping? Have you even slept tonight?”

“Ain’t no sleep for the wicked,” Gamzee said, not taking his horrible stare off Dave.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever that means.” Karkat sat up, running a hand through his messy hair, then yawned again. Dave tried and failed to keep his emotions in check. _What the fuck. He looks kind of ugly. Why am I reacting like this, it doesn’t make sense._ “I’ll escort you back to your bedroom, I guess, since it seems like you need someone to do that. Thanks for lending me your floor, Dave.”

“Oh. Yeah. Anytime,” Dave said as Karkat stood up, wincing as he stood up after spending the night in jeans. He pulled his sweater – discarded near the laptop –  back over his head, and Dave tried very hard not to notice the sliver of lower back he was graced with as his t-shirt rucked up.

 

As soon as the two were gone, leaving him alone with a dead-to-the-world roommate, Dave rolled over onto his other side, too awake for his own liking, and now he noticed that he was lying partially in a patch of warmth that was not his own and also it smelled like Karkat.

 _You’re not being a creep,_ Dave told himself, lying perfectly still, not leaning into it but not moving out of it, either. _It’s not weird to notice that._

He squeezed his eyes shut, tight. _Don’t get hard. Don’t get hard. It’s only weird if you get hard again._

He was well on the way to convincing himself that it was just everyday run-of-the-mill morning wood that could be willed away by ignoring it, when he opened his eyes again, spotting the clock, and remembered it was the last day of term.


	18. Chapter 18

Still wearing the t-shirt he had slept in, Dave sat cross-legged on the ground, staring down at the yawning shell of his empty suitcase.

 _I hadn’t even thought about packing over this past week,_ he realized. _Maybe because I hate the idea of stripping this room of all my shit. It’s depressing. To be honest it feels more like home than –_

_Huh, what the fuck. I’m coming back here. Soon, even. No need to get weird about it._

He shook his head to stop himself from doing that embarrassing thing where he mumbled to himself under his breath, and started tossing handfuls of underwear into the case without even bothering to check if they were his or John’s. The airbender himself was still fast asleep, tangled up in the sheets on the bed opposite, mumbling and frowning occasionally when Dave made a noise that was too loud.

After all the rumpled clothes were cleared from the floor, Dave turned his attention to the shelves. They were filled with messy stacks of records and magazines and cables and some old fossils and a bunch of cartons of apple juice that Jade had been nice enough to teleport from Earth for him. _I wonder if there’ll be enough space in the guest bedroom for all my dead stuff in jars. Wait, who am I kidding, I’ve seen the Lalonde mansion before. There’s enough space for a twenty-foot granite statue of a wizard in the entryway and the place has its own onsite Mausoleum._

Climbing onto the bed, he pulled Caledfwlch down from its nail on the wall and stared at it for a bit before laying it out on the covers. Even though he didn’t want to listen to it, part of him was yelling not to pack the sword away just yet. Just in case something happened.

 

As he was berating himself for that thought – _just a holdover from the ol’ Bro mentality –_ something happened. The bell rang.

 

John sat up in bed, eyebrows twisted. He squinted at Dave, who was sitting there blinking. That bell had only sounded less than a dozen times since they had entered the school, and never this early in the morning. “…Assembly?”

 

 

“Hey, can you believe this shit?” Dave said without preamble, flopping down into the seat beside Terezi before remembering that they had broken up just the day before and freezing in his tracks. Around them, the assembly hall was swiftly filling up with grumpy-looking teens, most of them wearing sweaters and hoodies unashamedly pulled on top of rumpled pyjamas. Latula had brought a bowl of cereal with her.

To his relief, Terezi didn’t seem to mind. She rolled her eyes at him. “I know, right. 7am. I was halfway through showering.” Sure enough, her red hair was damp, pulled back in a neon orange scrunchie. _Why the fuck was she awake at 7am on the weekend? Come to think of it, why was_ I _awake at 7am on the weekend. Oh wait, I remember now._

_And there he is, the reason himself, down at the front of the hall with Gamzee, blissfully unaware –_

“Aren’t we technically already on summer vacation now, how can he call an assembly?” Dave said in an attempt to forcibly drown out his conscious thoughts after sensing a wry grin coming at him from Terezi’s direction. “Isn’t it illegal? It’s detainment, right?”

Terezi shrugged. "I’m not that well read on moon law. But I’ll ask Redglare next time I see her."

"You do that."

 

Everyone stopped talking as the Condesce snapped at them to _shut up_ through the crackly mic, herself sporting a silk dressing gown and shocking lack of fuschia lipstick, although her bedhead didn’t look all that different from her normal head. “Alright. So. I know this is hella fuckin sudden, but lemme just say that I woke up to that bell just like the rest of you an’ _this_ was lyin’ on the podium when I got here – ” she held up a neat, unmarked white envelope “ – so I guess he got some shit to say but he ain’t want to say it to your faces. Probably for dramatic effect, if I know his ass. Fuckin’ drama queen.”

She grumbled a little under her breath as she used one of her bright pink acrylic talons to tear open the top of the envelope. Then she extracted the letter, and began to read in an affected voice.

“ _Dear students. I trust you are all well aware that the usual time for you to return home to Earth is upon us, and are presumably eager to reconnect with your kin. This is an important and exciting time, for the bonds you share with your_ – okay, right, he goes on for about a half-page about the importance of family ties so I’m just gonna do us all a favor and skip the fuck over that, so – ” The Condesce flipped the sheet, frowning through her designer sunglasses until she eventually located the point of the letter. “ _– But, I have a proposition that I hope will be equally as important and exciting. You see, it has come to my attention that some of you have been slacking in your studies. I’m sure that many among you would even agree that your priorities have been… elsewhere._ He put that pause in, not me, just for the record – _and so I have taken it upon myself to devise a scheme in order to fix this. Over the upcoming vacation, a summer school will be held on these grounds in order to allow further education of those who require it. I have taken the liberty of writing to your guardians – well, for those of you who have them – and obtained the necessary permissions. I hope you will all recognize that this is all for the best.”_

The Condesce cleared her throat before reading the final line. _“P.S – the summer school is non-optional.”_

People were on their feet shouting before the Condesce had even finished reading the letter.

“So this is it, then,” Terezi said grimly from next to Dave, through the noise. When he turned to look at her, her face was set. “He’s not even pretending we’re not trapped here anymore.”

“Bullshit! Fucking bullshit!” Vriska was yelling, outraged. “You losers might have been slacking, but I’ve been fucking _exceeding_ in my studies! I could mind control the whole of this _planet_ into bowing down to me _right now,_ so what right does he have to keep me here all summer!?”

“Aw, keep your wig on, Serket,” Meenah interrupted, attracting everyone’s attention as she jumped down from her seat right at the back. “You know full well this has nothin to do with how hard we been working or not working and much more to do with Scratch wanting to have some kind of sick fuckin fun with us, as per usual. Hey, you – get outta here, I got somethin to say and a microphone would sure help.” She stopped in front of the podium, jerking a thumb at the Condesce, whose mouth dropped open.

“Um, the _fuck_ you think you’re talkin to?”

“My goddamned self,” Meenah replied, “but like thirty years older and a helluva lot weaker. Scram.”

The Condesce looked like she was ready to spit fire. “ _Thirty years_!?”

 “That’s the story the crow’s-feet are tellin me.” Meenah held up a hand, fingers spread. “Now, you gonna move, or am I gonna hafta _make_ you move, you gray-haired old bitch?”

 

The Condesce looked ready to throttle her, but then her eyes flicked down to Meenah’s outstretched hand and something approaching nervousness flashed across her face. After a long, long pause, in which Meenah began to wiggle her fingers somewhat threateningly, she stepped away from the podium, muttering to herself in suppressed fury.

Vriska grabbed the mic as the Condesce descended from the stage and yelled out, “You know what, I say we _ruin_ this old creep! Who’s with me?”

“Wait, Vriska, don’t blow your top yet,” Meenah interrupted again, and then pointed to the side of the hall, where the Condesce was re-joining the rest of the teachers. “All of you, get the hell out – far as I’m concerned, you’re his lackeys, and that means you ain’t no allies of mine.”

Everyone turned to stare at the group of teachers, wide-eyed at that development. Some students in the crowd seemed suddenly torn, like they were considering speaking up in their elders’ defence, but that didn’t amount to any more than them looking around at one another with worried expressions and nobody even considered for a second going against Meenah. Her ability to make people writhe in pain without even touching them and her willingness to do just that for things as petty as cutting in front of her in the lunch queue made her easily the most intimidating student at Doc Scratch’s, and in a place that included both Gamzee and Rose, that was an impressive title.

 _I mean, it’s not really the teachers’ fault,_ Dave reasoned to himself, silently in agreement with the kids who looked unsure. _Plus they’ve suffered most of all._ With all of them lined up like that, it became all the more obvious how only eight of the original twelve were left.

 

As the silence wore on and nobody spoke up to defend them, the Disciple began to look like she was about to start crying. But then the Psiioniic grabbed onto her sleeve and muttered something, and the Disciple’s face fell even further and she dropped her gaze to the floor. Then, one by one, the teachers left the room.

The Grand Highblood was the last to go. He stopped in the doorway and fixed the lot of them with his haunting red-eyed stare, but somehow it also seemed like he wasn’t really looking at anything in particular. He left the door ajar on his way out.

 

“Well, that’s that,” Vriska said once his slow, thunderous footsteps were out of earshot. “Now let’s talk business.”

 _“Fuck this!”_ Meenah announced, pulling the mic towards herself and earning a glare. “Fuck this, and fuck _him_! First he tries to kill us, and now he’s making us go to _extra classes?”_ She laughed, sharply and wickedly. “Okay. It’s officially decided. He wants a fight, I’ll give him a fight. And it’s win-win – he says it has to happen, and I’m up for it, I’m ready. So let’s fucking _go._ ”

For some reason, a handful of people started cheering at that, which seemed to annoy Vriska. She pulled the mic back towards her. “Okay, yes, general motion supported, fuck him and all that. But haven’t you been listening to what he’s been _saying_? We can’t fight him yet. That would be _dumb._ We have to get stronger before – ”

“I don’t care,” Meenah said, cutting her off. “I’m throwing down now.”

“He’s a _god,_ Meenah,” someone called exasperatedly from the back of the room. One of Meenah’s friends, probably. Maybe Latula, since it sounded like they had mouthful of cereal. “Do you really think you could kill a god? _Right now_?”

“I think I ain’t ever tried before,” Meenah replied. “And there’s a first time for everythin.”

“No, _listen_ , Meenah,” Vriska said, frustrated. “Don’t you get it? We’re can’t fight Scratch right now. Because we don’t know how to _win,_ and I don’t know about you, but I don’t just _run in_ somewhere I know I’m going to lose, that doesn’t sound like fun to me. This whole summer school thing is to get us strong enough to fight him. It makes sense.”

“Oh.” Meenah paused, looking Vriska up and down. “…Why are _you_ angry, then?”

“I just want to know how the hell he thinks he can sit back and expect us to do all the hard work when he hasn’t even been teaching us how to use our powers!” Vriska snapped. “Remember how we came here because he promised he was going to make us more powerful? He hasn’t done jack shit! It’s all just been _us!”_

 _Man, you know times are tough when that nutcase Vriska starts making sense,_ Dave thought when he found himself nodding in agreement.

And that nutcase Vriska was still going. “If there’s some secret thing we need to ‘unlock’ so that we can become powerful enough to win the fight against him, then he needs to tell us what the fuck it is! I’m sure it wouldn’t be too difficult for him. Since he knows _everything.”_ She rolled her eye. “I’m not spending another set of god knows how many months in this booooooooring place without knowing what I’m actually supposed to be doing!”

“So you’re just gonna, what? Ask him?” Meenah said, amused. “Walk up to him and ask him? Ask him how to kill him? Get real, Serket.”

“Plus he is not even here right now,” Kanaya piped up.

It was hard to tell, what with her being up on the stage, but Dave thought Vriska might be going red. “Shut up! It’s worked before! And anyway, couldn’t we – Terezi, couldn’t you, like, track him down for us, or something? Use your mind thing.”

Everyone turned to look at Terezi, surprised.

Even Dave. _Huh. I didn’t know her mindreading meant she could track people down._

“That’s because I hadn’t told anyone yet,” Terezi muttered under her breath. Then she raised her voice and said, “I already told you, Vriska. I can’t. Scratch is the only one I can’t – ”

“Well then this is just _bullshit,_ isn’t it!” Vriska said crossly. “Another half a year of sitting around with a bunch of _dorks_ who have powers like _communing with animals_ and just waiting for something to happen? No thanks! I want to talk to Scratch, and I want to know what it is I’m supposed to do to win this so-called ‘final fight’, and then I’m going to spend the next six months training my ass off until I can do it!”

Some people started shouting their agreement. Other people were shouting, too, but not really in agreement – “Don’t you think he means we have to figure it out ourselves?”; “But I wanted to go _home_ this summer”; “I don’t agree with violence, you know that” – and yet somehow it was Rose, not even bothering to get up out of her seat, who spoke across them all. Maybe it was that the dark gods gifted her with a psychic knack for commandeering people’s attention, or maybe it was just that she was usually the only one out of any of them who could ever come up with a decent plan and they knew it.

“So you think the best solution would be just to ask him directly?” she said as everyone around her went quiet.

Vriska bristled, even though Rose’s tone hadn’t been sarcastic. “Um, what I _want_ is for him to actually follow through on his end of the deal and do some teaching!” She put her hands on her hips. “What, like _you_ have a better idea, Rose?”

Rose ignored that. She seemed to be about to make a point. “And would you say that it’s a headmaster’s duty to answer any questions his students might have?”

A pause. Dave abruptly understood.

“Uh, yeah, I guess?” Vriska said, frowning.

 

In unison, half the phones in the room chimed with the same sound effect. Dave’s was one of them.

When he dug it out, there was a notification on his ‘Scratch’ app; a new class had been slotted onto his timetable, beginning in three minutes, simply labelled ‘final lesson’.

As the half of the room who hadn’t received the update began to shuffle towards those who had, mumbling in open curiosity, Nepeta snapped her head up from her phone and sniffed the air. Her pupils narrowed to slits.

“Vanilla milkshake!” she yelped, confusing everyone. “He wasn't before, but he's in the school now! I can smell him!”

Rose stood up, tucking her squiddles-cased phone back into her pocket.

“Right,” she said. “Let’s get this thing over with.”

 

 

The door to the second-floor classroom was slightly open and there was a breeze coming through it, and when they flooded into the room through the small gap they found that Doc Scratch was already standing beside the window among the empty desks, half-turned to watch them come in and with a smile on his face.

“Good afternoon,” he said.

“ _Summer school!?”_ Meenah snapped immediately, pushing towards the front, and a frown clouded his face. He looked her up and down, taking in tangled braids, self-done piercings and bruised knuckles from one too many fights with Damara. He sighed.

“Oh my. It seems that some of you came here uninvited. _That_ won’t do,” he said. “Out.”

The door swung fully open, and it was as if the draft pulled Meenah gently but firmly back into the corridor. She swore and writhed against the invisible hand tugging at her, but it was too strong. The rest of the upperclassmen were quickly herded out, too, and though a few of them also tried to struggle against it – Aranea, Damara, Rufioh flapping his new wings uselessly – soon the door was shut on them, muffling their shouts of protest, which then disappeared entirely.

“Very rude,” Scratch said, disapproving.

“What the hell,” Dave muttered out loud, against his will.

As Sollux and Kanaya vainly tried to reopen the door, which suddenly wouldn’t budge, Rose turned on Doc Scratch.

"Let them back in," she demanded. "I don’t know what your problem is, but they deserve to hear this as much as we do."

Instead of answering that, Scratch’s face lit up. He held a hand out to her as if he wanted her to join him at the window. “Rose,” he said warmly.

“Don’t,” she responded, in a warning tone, when he didn’t say anything more but just kept smiling at her. “If you’re omniscient then you must be well aware that I find you creepy and don’t want to be near you.”

 

He sighed and lowered his hand, which Dave now noticed was, for once, bare. It was hard to tell, since his skin was as white as his usual pair of gloves. “I know you all think I’m lying when I say this, but I always did want children. My status as a God got in the way of that desire, of course, though.” He looked at Rose again. “I especially wanted a daughter.”

Rose didn’t look as charmed by that idea as he had clearly hoped she would. “So that’s why you created us, then? Reverse daddy issues?”

Scratch hummed. “Why _did_ I create you? Let’s see.” As he considered it, he gestured for them all to sit down at the desks, though nobody did. After a moment of facetious pondering, he concluded; “It’s all for the sake of the Green Sun. That’s it.”

“What _about_ the Green Sun?” Sollux snapped.

Finally resigning himself to the fact that none of them were going to keep up the façade of a real lesson, Scratch gave up, and made his way over to the teacher’s desk. He took a long moment to make himself comfortable in the enormous chair, while they all watched.

“Do you remember I once asked you how you would defeat an immortal?” He asked once he was settled. “That question was not, in fact, rhetorical; allow me to now provide the answer.” Resting his elbows on the desk, he steepled his fingers together, and said, “You take a seed from it. Then you water that seed.”

“Right. What does that have to do with the Green Sun, though?”

Vriska elbowed Sollux out of the way and pressed her hands against the desk to snap directly in Doc Scratch’s face. “Green Sun, whatever, none of this matters, I really don’t care why you made us, that’s all in the past. I want to know why you’re keeping us here! Why the fuck did you set up a whole fake academy and lie and say that you were going to teach us to use our powers!? I’ve wasted a whole year of my life on this bullshit!”

“You’re asking why I made my academy?” Scratch looked shocked. “Why, what kind of a host would I be if I left you to flounder alone in the human world after creating you? Please give me more credit than that.”

“You don’t deserve any credit! You’ve been the shittiest headmaster possible!’

“I have been an exemplary guardian,” Scratch contended. “Everything has been arranged just so. Without my actions, not only would you not exist, but your powers would never have manifested. My arrangements made sure, for instance, that you were situated with guardians and living arrangements which would force your powers to emerge at a young age.” His eyes swept around the room, freezing everyone in position. “Perhaps as a way to communicate with others from a remote island. Perhaps as a much-needed form of companionship for a lonely child.” His eyes landed and stuck on Vriska. “Or perhaps they were even developed as an elaborate form of protection from a violent and destructive parental figure.”

Vriska opened her mouth as if to argue, and then shut it again, and a muscle twitched in her jaw. It was clear he had got her. Apparently satisfied, Scratch’s gaze slid from Vriska to Dave, and to Dave’s disgust, he winked.

 

Before Dave could form a coherent thought or open his mouth to voice it, Karkat broke the silence.

“Wait, but – did you – ” He stepped forward, and Dave instantly recognized the tremor in his voice as horror. “ _My_ dad – ”

At first, Scratch acted as if he hadn’t even spoken, carefully watching Vriska struggle with her emotions, but then when Karkat repeated, “Answer me – my dad – don’t tell me you – ”, he exasperatedly talked over him.

“I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again, mutant; you’re an exception to the rule, and if I’m talking you would do well to assume that I’m not referring to you.” He sighed heavily, as if giving any of his attention to Karkat was a chore. “Forgive me, it’s my mistake. I forgot to expel you from the room along with the rest of the expendibles.”

“Fuck you,” Dave said, barely allowing himself to take in Karkat’s thunderstruck expression before he spoke. “Don’t talk to him like that.”

Scratch looked between the two of them, eyebrows raised. He wasn’t the only one in the room who was doing that, but Dave refused to let himself go red.

“Teenage theatrics.” Scratch shook his head, mouth twisted wryly. “An unfortunate side effect of creating a race of infinitely powerful adolescents.” He settled back in his seat. “Ah, well, like protects like, I suppose.”

Dave frowned. _Like protects…_ “What’s that supposed to mean?”

The victorious smile that came onto Scratch’s face immediately made him wish he hadn’t asked. “You’ve been learning well, Dave, I can’t deny that. But the truth is you are, in some ways, the other blip in this otherwise perfect generation. Not your fault, of course, but rather your guardian’s. I accidentally charged you with one who was fundamentally broken.” Scratch rested his chin on his hand, frowning with sparse white eyebrows. “An… outside influence came into the equation. The puppet.”

_What. What._

“ – An ancient juju, with such an immense amount of mysterious energy that it formed a blind spot of cosmic proportions in my plan. Of course, that amount of dark power was bound to affect your weak and malleable guardian in a way that was almost irreparable – and frankly, I suspect that his subsequently twisted guardianship caused more damage than good when it came to raising you into a powerful being. A shame, really. Who knows how much stronger you might have been if he hadn’t gone rogue?”

 

“I… what.”

It was if the ground had gone from under Dave’s feet. He was vaguely aware of someone touching his elbow, but it was hard to tell when all he could focus on were the words _fundamentally broken._

 

Suddenly he was aware that the only thing he wanted in the world was to no longer be in that room with Scratch looking at him with false pity in his colorless eyes. Thoroughly shaken, he turned and headed straight for the door, and found that the handle turned compliantly under his grasp and let him out. Nobody tried to stop him, and when the door shut behind him nobody tried to follow him, either. The corridor was empty.

 

 

With Dave gone, Vriska rounded on Scratch once more. “Look, you can stall all you want, but you still haven’t answered me!”

“Which question, my dear Miss Serket? I find I have quite forgotten.”

Terezi stepped up beside her. “If you’re not going to teach us anything, then why do we have to stay in this school over summer.”

“Yeah, how is that going to help our powers any!”

“What do we have to do so we can beat you?” That was John. “Legally, you have to tell us, so we can have a fair shot!”

Scratch looked between all of them. “You don’t have to _do_ anything.”

Vriska groaned. “Oh come _onnnnnnnn_.”

“No, that’s the answer. For as long as you stay here, your powers are already fermenting. In time it’ll all become clear just how.”

“Mr Scratch,” Nepeta said desperately, claws pulled in to her chest, “I really want to go back home.”

“I know that, Nepeta. But you can’t.”

“But we’re not _doing anything_ here,” John said. “We are not getting stronger or anything!”

Scratch looked at him. “Aren’t you?”

John paused, and a look of doubt came over his face until Jade elbowed him in the ribs.

“Believe me, it is all already in motion,” Scratch went on, then stood up from the desk and walked in front of the group. Most of them now towered over him, but nobody dared to step forward and wrap a hand around his neck like they wanted to.

 

“This is my final lesson,” he said, silhouetted against the window. “I now have nothing left to teach you.”

“You haven’t taught us anything!!!” Sollux hissed.

“That remains to be seen,” Scratch replied, then folded his hands behind his back in his familiar headmasterly posture. “Well then. Farewell. It will be a good long while until we meet in person again, and that time will be the last time. I look forward to it.”

 

There was a flash, and their surroundings changed. They were no longer in the second-floor classroom, but in the corridor outside Doc Scratch’s office, and the headmaster was gone.

 

 

They stood in silence for a suspended moment, processing everything that had happened, until finally Rose broke the spell with three words: “The Green Sun.”

“The Green Sun,” she repeated, when nobody spoke. “That _must_ be the source of his power. It’s the only explanation that makes sense. In my visions, there’s only one thing for certain. I can tell… he’s afraid. He _has_ to have it. He needs it, more than anything, it’s the only thing he’s ever felt. In all his miserable eternal life, the only love. That Green Sun.” She raised a hand, and slammed it against the wood of Doc Scratch’s office’s door. “So, obviously, I’m going to crush it if it’s the last thing I do. That’s what I just decided.”

“But what _is_ it?” Terezi said tiredly. She looked one step away from calling it a day and going to bed, and it was only 8am. “And how do we destroy it?”

“The only green sun I can think of is the one that Dave and I once saw,” Jade said, attracting everyone’s attention. She stepped forward, next to Rose, and tapped a finger pointedly on the office door. “It was a while ago. When we went through that portal… I think it was a portal, anyway. It was in Scratch’s grandfather clock.”

“I remember you telling us about that.” Rose screwed up her face inelegantly. “But was it _the_ Green Sun?”

“I don’t know. It looked pretty huge, so I don’t know what else it could’ve been!”

“Then I guess we have to go there.”

Jade shook her head, palm flattening against the door. “We can’t.”

“Why not.”

Insistent, Jade grabbed Rose’s hand and pressed it to the door alongside hers. “Can’t you feel it, Rose?”

Rose looked at her friend like she would’ve been amused if she weren’t so weary. “No, Jade,” she said slowly and deliberately. “I can’t.”

“Well it’s not there.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s not there.” Jade pulled her hand away, shaking her head again. “Doc Scratch’s office is simply not there anymore.”

Another silence. Sollux dropped down and put his face in his hands, crackling with repressed electricity, and even Vriska couldn’t come up with anything to say.

 

Kanaya leant heavily against the wall and voiced what all of them were thinking. “I have a feeling it’s going to be a long six months.”

 

 

 

When Karkat reached Dave and John’s shared room, the door was already open, but he was careful to knock on the frame before entering anyway. Everyone had been too caught up in their despair to notice him quietly slipping away from the pity party in the corridor to head in the direction of the dorms.

“Hey.” He folded his arms and rested against the frame, gazing at Dave where he was sitting in the middle of the floor along with his open, half-filled suitcase, staring vacantly off into space. “…At least you don’t have to worry about packing anymore, huh?”

“Broken…” Dave muttered, still caught up in his thoughts. He was staring down at Caledfwlch on the sheets.

Karkat snorted, entering the room and shutting the door behind him.

“Yeah. Broken,” he agreed, clearing a space on the floor to sit cross-legged beside Dave. “I guess that makes us a pair.”

Dave’s head snapped up, guilt rushing into his expression. Getting official confirmation from a God that he had been irreparably damaged by his guardian had shaken him up so much that he had almost forgotten that Karkat had not only been treated as damaged from the beginning, but also that he now had good reason to believe that Doc Scratch had probably deliberately killed off his father. “Oh, shit, sorry, Karkat – you know I didn’t mean to – ”

“Yeah, I know.” Not meeting his eyes, Karkat reached over and started pulling objects out of the suitcase and tossing them back onto the floor. “Anyway, topic change – I say it’s better sooner than later when it comes to accepting our goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation, and we might as well go ahead and make ourselves comfortable in the meantime.” He handed Dave a pair of jars, motioning wordlessly for him to set them back on the shelves where they had been previously displayed, but Dave just stared down at them where they lay his grasp.

“We’re really not getting out of here, huh,” he said, feeling suddenly heavy.

Karkat paused in his unpacking. “We don’t know…” he began uncertainly, and then blew air out through his nose in exasperation. “Goddamn it, Dave, don’t force _me_ to act the optimist, here – ”

 

Both of their phones pinged. Dave got there first.

 

gardenGnostic [GG]  posted on thread titled "..." on board  SKAIANET .

GG: yeah… bad update everyone sorry :(  
GG: i just went out to check the portals and theyre all gone  
GG: all four of them  
GG: and i dont know why  
GG: and i also cant really explain it  
GG: but i just cant teleport to earth anymore  
GG: or anywhere outside the green moon really  
GG: like... at all  
twinArmageddons [TA] responded to thread.  
TA: for fuck’2 2ake.  
ghastliestAglaia [GA] responded to thread.  
GA: I’m so+rry, what o+n Earth happened in that ro+o+m after Scratch kicked us o+ut?  
TA: oh boy  
TA: who want2 two to be the one two tell them  
GA: Tell us what?  


 

“That’s that then.” Dave shoved the jars back into circular gaps in the dust on the shelf while Karkat groaned lowly, still in the process of reading the thread on his brick phone. “Any optimism to offer now?”

“Uh, yeah, Dave,” Karkat said, throwing his phone down. “How’s this: at least now I don’t have to worry about where I’m going to be staying over summer break, because fuck knows I had nowhere to return to anyway except for Gamzee’s _what the fuck is that_.”

 

Both of them suddenly stopped and stared at where Dave had uncovered a strange-looking lump in his suitcase, previously covered by a zipper. It looked like the lining had been split open and then sewn up again with unnaturally large, red stitches. And something was now stored inside.

"Um… I don’t know," Dave said. "It wasn't me that did that." Feeling something sickly stir in the back of his throat, he reached out, hesitated, and then used a finger to split the seam open. It proved pretty easy; the stitches were clumsy and loose. He rooted around until his hand hit something, pulled out the object, and then immediately dropped it like it was hot onto the floor where it landed with its limbs splayed.

 

“WHAT the – ” Karkat sucked a breath in, horrified, taking in the _thing_ and all its terrible parts. “ – _oh,_ that is fucking _creepy,_ I swear to god, why the fuck did you have that in your – ” He looked up, frowning, suddenly noticing that Dave was on the other side of the room. “What’s wrong?”

Dave couldn’t say a word. His eyes were locked on Cal.

 

 _Yep, haunted,_ his brain screamed. _You were right. Scratch told you so. It’s not just unbearably creepy, it’s actually fucking cursed, it actually has it out for you, it has actively been ruining your life since you were a baby and it’s basically him, because it’s the one who made him act like that, like he was its puppet, or something – pretty ironic – or not – fuck –_

 

Karkat’s eyes widened with a flash of understanding. There was barely a second of hesitation before he cast his gaze around, and then one hand shot out and grabbed Caledfwlch off the bed and plunged it straight, firmly, with one clean blow, into Lil Cal’s chest. Right where the heart would have been, if puppets could have hearts.

 

A strangled noise tore its way out of Dave’s throat, almost like he wanted to stop the other boy, and one hand dangled uselessly in the air in front of him. Karkat pulled the sword free and then quickly brought it down again, and again, and again, making a mess of orange and blue fabric and unleashing a torrent of stuffing. Even though the sword had no tip, the jagged part of the broken edge did its job just as well as an unbroken sword would have. By the time Karkat stopped stabbing, the puppet’s chest was gaping open.

 

It was then that Dave noticed that Karkat had tears on his face.

“Oh my god. That was horrible.” He sat back on his heels and scrubbed a hand over his eyes, letting the broken sword drop to the ground beside him. He shuffled backward, away from the puppet-corpse, and took a couple of shaky breaths. “I could hear it screaming.”

Dave realized he had tears in his eyes too. _Oh no,_ he thought. _Oh no._

 _I might love him._

Karkat’s head shot up. He was staring over Dave’s shoulder.

When Dave turned he found that Gamzee was standing, taking up most of the doorway. His hair was mussed, and his face paint was smudged and running all over the place. The only color in his face was his dark red eyes.

“I heard screams,” he said, his voice low.

 

_Oh. He wasn’t at the assembly, was he? Or the lesson with Scratch._

_Where… was he, exactly?_

 

“Did you now,” Karkat said, his voice suddenly even. “Are you sure it wasn’t just in your head? A lot of things are. Especially the phantom screams. You know that shit happens, like, twice a day.”

“Sounded to me like someone was committing a murder.”

Even though he was probably talking to Karkat, Gamzee’s eyes were locked onto Cal. Dave found himself unconsciously reaching out across the floor to where Caledfwlch was lying, but when Gamzee’s stare snapped towards his hand he froze.

“It’s the withdrawal, Gamzee,” Karkat said, and Dave couldn’t tell if his calm was feigned or not. _Are you seeing this guy, Karkat. Aren’t you terrified of this guy, Karkat. Look at his eyes. Look at how fucking tall he is. Who isn’t._ “You should go back to bed, you know, it’s just not normal for you to be up before noon. No wonder you’re in such a weird mood.”

Gamzee didn’t shift. “Come on, seriously,” Karkat said, rolling his eyes. “Go chug a can of Faygo and then slot in some meditation or something, you look like death warmed up.”

That got Gamzee to move, though he still didn’t seem to actually be paying any attention to Karkat, so maybe it was just a coincidence. He surged forward and scooped up the remains of Lil Cal in his huge bony hands, then turned and shuffled out the door.

 

Karkat shouted after him. “ – Wait, Gamzee, you can’t just take tha – urgh. Too late.” He grimaced apologetically at Dave. “Sorry.”

Dave found that he didn’t quite know how to feel. He was torn between being grateful he wasn’t going to have to move the thing himself – _what would I have done with it, would I have had to go bury it, burn it_ – and wanting to run after Gamzee to stop him from ever having his hands on that puppet at all costs. In the end, though, self-preservation won, and he stayed sitting where he was. “I mean. I didn’t really. Want it. I guess.”

"I don’t know why _he_ would want it," Karkat said, shaking his head. "He gets weird fixations sometimes, it’s usually best to just leave him be." He snorted. "The alternative is trying to reason with a Juggalo, after all, which is worse than impossible. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve showed him the Bill Nye episode on magnets and he _still_ insists that the way they work is ‘miracles’ pure and simple. And anyway, I'm pretty sure it was..." he shifted, cleared his throat. "I mean, it stopped screaming. At the end. So it should be fine. Right?"

"Right..." 

 

With that, Karkat stood up to leave, still looking a little shaken and red-eyed, and Dave grabbed his wrist. Even after Karkat stopped and looked at him he kept holding on, liking the point of contact.

“What?” Karkat asked, eyebrows up.

“I know this sounds weird but I have a really bad feeling about Gamzee.”

“Yeah? That’s the only feeling anyone’s ever had about Gamzee.”

“No, I’m serious.” Dave paused, thinking of a way to word it that wouldn’t make Karkat annoyed. “I don’t think you should hang out with him anymore, dude.”

It didn’t work. Karkat frowned, annoyed, and removed his wrist from Dave’s grasp. “No offence, Dave, but I don’t need you policing my friends.”

“But I swear to fucking god he’s dangerous.”

Karkat folded his arms tightly. “That’s just a case of the perfectly understandable coulrophobia talking. He’s not smart enough to be dangerous.” When Dave didn’t seem convinced, he went on, “Look, if he had any malice in him I would be able to feel it, wouldn’t I?” He reached out, pointedly, and tapped his fingers against Dave’s bare arm again. Dave shivered at the involuntary shock that went through him, and Karkat went on, tightly, “But I never have. He just doesn’t have the capacity to hate.”

“But.”

Karkat sighed, his eyes softening. “Dave,” he said exasperatedly. “You’re my best bro. You know that. But you can’t tell me who I can and can’t hang out with.”

To his frustration, Dave couldn’t think of anything to say to that, or anything to say that would keep Karkat from excusing himself back to his room to go talk to Sollux. But the look that Karkat gave him just before he shut the door was complicated enough that it momentarily distracted him from the fact that somewhere in between the part where Karkat had unhesitatingly executed the evil puppet that had not-quite-singlehandedly ruined Dave’s young life and the current moment, Dave had both fully realized and somehow come to terms with the fact that he was actually in love with Karkat Vantas.

He was left alone with the last of his unpacking to do. And it was hard, because his suitcase was still lying open on the floor and he never ever wanted to touch the thing ever again.

 

 

 

Whether it was from the lack of sleep the night before or the sheer exhaustion caused by the few hours of events that the day had yet to offer, Dave was surprised to find himself waking up nine hours later, just as dinner was being served, sprawled on the floor of his bedroom with a crick in his neck and the impression of a charger wire on his cheek.

 

_What the hell, I never take impromptu naps. Especially ones that last as long as a healthy night’s sleep, does that even count as a nap or should I be contacting Jane with some worries about the world’s shortest coma._

_I must be more tired than I thought._

He had dreamed that he was standing in the courtyard, with Gamzee on the other far side, hands in the pockets of his baggy polka-dotted trousers, watching him intently.

Gamzee said something. “I’ll be the one. WHO FIXES EVERYTHING THAT’S MOTHER FUCKIN WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU. Trust me.”

Dave frowned, straining to hear. His feet were rooted to the spot, so he couldn’t walk any closer. Not that he would’ve wanted to anyway. “What?”

Gamzee spoke again, but again, but his jaw moved soundlessly around the syllables. “MOTHER. Fuckin. PROPHET.”

Dave shrugged helplessly. “Sorry, I can’t… I can’t hear you.”

Gamzee shook his head.

 

When Dave woke up, he didn’t remember much about the dream, and he mostly just knew that he was incredibly hungry. And also that a strange sort of nameless dread had settled over him, and that he had the uncanny feeling it wasn’t going to be going away for a very long time.


	19. Chapter 19

“It’s funny, isn’t it,” Rose said, one Thursday morning, during a breakfast session where only half of the school had bothered to show up and everyone who had showed up was silently staring down at their glasses of orange juice. “How we feel obliged to keep up this façade of normality even though we are all painfully aware of just how horrifyingly abnormal our current situation is.”

 

Dave put his spoon down, suddenly even less hungry than before. “Rose. Do we have to do this every morning?”

“Yes, actually, we do. As long as every morning is spent in an effective prison, I’ll continue to refuse to lie down and accept my – ”

“Alright, alright,” Sollux interrupted. He was sitting with Aradia, and both of them were looking as broody and tousle-haired as they always tended to look recently. “We _get_ it. Shit is fucked. Nobody ever said that wasn’t the case.” He rested his peach-fuzzy chin on his hand, sullen. “We’ve still got to eat, though.”

Hardly seeming to hear that comment, Rose stood up. Her face was drawn and unwell from consecutive sleepless nights spent up in the library, thumbing through every single one of Doc Scratch’s too-numerous volumes in the hopes that one of them contained even a glimmer of a clue about what to do.

 “I’m not going to Chemistry class this morning,” she announced. “If the Grand Highblood asks – which he won’t – tell him I refuse to attend class when I’m not going to receive any kind of qualification for my troubles.” She paused, looking around as if waiting for a nod of agreement from someone, and got nothing. Kanaya tried to touch her arm, but was shrugged off. “I’m going back to bed.”

“Rose,” Dave called out half-heartedly, but just like he expected, she didn’t turn around.

 

 

Four months had passed since Doc Scratch had vanished for what he said would be the last time. Surprisingly little had managed to happen in the meantime, except for everyone going stir-crazy and resorting to getting into arguments for fun. Classes had been supposed to continue on as normal – Dave still found himself going to most of them, just for something to do – but even that was beginning to slide as kids chose to instead invent their own agendas. Terezi and Meenah were off exploring the furthest parts of the green moon for clues, Aranea seemed to think that that exploring the underground passages of the school would provide them with more answers, and Vriska, with Equius and Eridan’s hired help, was just determined to wreck as much shit as possible. Maybe to annoy Doc Scratch into coming back, or maybe just because she could.

Besides, when they did bother to attend, it was clear the teachers’ hearts weren’t in their lessons, anyway. And they were getting visibly older every day. The Darkleer now looked practically geriatric, and he tended to wander about the campus muttering to himself instead of leading classes. Dave spent most of his Computer Science periods playing Go Fish with Slick.

 

“She’s forgotten that we don’t even have Chemistry class this morning,” Karkat muttered from Dave’s side, trying to divide his attention between reading a paperback bodice-ripper and spooning soggy cereal into his mouth, and failing, and dribbling milk all down his front. “Not since Vriska and Eridan destroyed the science wing in symbolic prote – Ah _fuck_ , seriously, fuck. This is my last sweater, too.”

“Dumbass,” Dave said affectionately as he watched his best friend try to scrub cereal-mush out of the wool with his thumb. _Looks like it’s this week’s second trip to Ms Paint and her trusty Only Washing Machine On The Whole Green Moon._ “Hey, maybe if you owned more than three sweaters –”

“Oh, I’m sorry! Clearly this is my fault for not thinking ahead when I was packing my bag back in fucking _January_ and somehow anticipating that I was going to be wearing those same three shirts that I tossed into my carry-on for the entirety of my subsequent months-long _incarceration,_ yeah, nice going, past Karkat, you’ve gotta be a real fucking idiot for not seeing that one coming!”

“Dude, don’t yell,” was Dave's response, fingers pressed firmly into his temples. He hadn’t gotten any rest the night before – somehow, recently, the terrible reality of being cosmically trapped in a place from which the only chance of escape lay in an eventual battle against an omnipotent god was beginning to weigh down on him, and instead of sleeping he found himself staring up at the ceiling and wondering, _why me._ And to top things off, he had left his sunglasses in his bedroom, and now the bright light of whatever sun lit this place up was giving him a biting headache.

“Shit, sorry,” Karkat said, dropping his fist immediately. Dave knew that he knew exactly how much sleep he _hadn’t_ gotten, because carcinoGeneticist had logged into Skaianet at 5am and told Dave to shut his brain up because it was loud enough to prevent either of them from getting any rest. And then the two of them had spent the rest of the night-morning linking each other to Nic Cage compilations. “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

After rolling his eyes, Karkat considered that for a moment. Then he reached out, touched Dave’s arm, pressed his lips together, and said, thoughtfully, “Bad.”

“Bad?” Dave laughed, almost dropping his own spoon. “Vantas, I hope you realize you were just given a prime opportunity to spit a load of vitriolic multisyllabic shit like you usually do, and you passed it up?”

“Go drown yourself in sewage, Strider,” Karkat replied immediately. “You’re not the only one who’s tired.”

 

Somehow, the two of them noticed that Karkat’s hand was still resting comfortably on Dave’s bare arm at the exact same time. Neither of them moved, but both stared down at it like they were waiting for the other to.

 

Dave shut his eyes. This had been the worst part of the last six months. His friendship with Karkat had finally returned to almost-normal after the incident in the attic, except now there was something very obvious and unspoken between the two of them. And, as embarrassing as it was to know that his best friend was probably at least a little bit aware of the fact that he was being desperately pined after for every second the two of them spent together, Dave found himself just a little more willing to bear that embarrassment than to endure life at Doc Scratch’s Academy without Karkat’s noisy and comforting presence. Some days it felt like Karkat was the only thing keeping him sane. And if it all ever got too much, and he thought he was veering dangerously towards totally revealing himself as not only having not only a pitiful crush but a case of actual full-blown capital-L Love, he would just excuse himself to go hang out with Jade and Nepeta.

But then that ended up making it worse, because Nepeta liked Karkat too. So he took to using his powers to freeze time whenever Karkat did something like get all teary at an onscreen breakup, or walk out of his bedroom at 10am with messy hair and eyes still half-shut, or crinkle his nose in the way that only Dave found cute, just to give himself a chance to get his emotions back in check.

If Karkat had noticed, he hadn’t said anything.

 

“Sorry,” he said now, removing his hand from Dave’s arm and turning his attention back to trying to scrub the stain out of his sweater, though the action seemed perfunctory and distracted this time.

 _I really really love you for some reason,_ Dave’s brain supplied, and he was suddenly glad that particular feeling had managed to wait until Karkat wasn’t directly touching him to occupy the very forefront of his mind. Though, by the way Karkat slowed in his motion and blinked – like something had just come over him – Dave figured maybe he was still a little fucked after all.

 

 

 

Another month passed. And then another.

 

Everyone was just beginning to wonder what would happen when the official date for December break was upon them when an odd distraction arrived in the form of a bunch of posters appearing all over the school. They were advertising something called the ‘Winter Ball’, and looked like they had been made by someone who had no idea how graphic design worked but a lot of enthusiasm and possibly a tiny amount of help from someone who did.

 

“What exactly is up with this?” Latula was first to ask the next time they saw the Disciple, in a combined Biology study session. She must have torn down the poster that had been on the door, because she was now holding it up, litigiously, in one skate-glove covered hand.

“Oh, the Winter Ball?” The Disciple tried to visibly brighten up. “Well, it’s a yearly tradition, mew see – !”

“Uh, no it’s not,” Latula reminded her none too gently, setting the poster down the desk. “I’ve been here for four years, D, that’s as old as the freakin’ school is, and we’ve never had any kind of prom the whole time. And if this is you trying to start one on the fly, don’t you think it’s _way_ late now?”

The older woman deflated. “Okay, it’s just… it’s just something nice we wanted to do.”

In the corner of the classroom, Kankri – ostentatiously early, as usual – closed his textbook with a crisp _snap_ , and remarked, “Frankly, dear Disciple, what would be _much_ nicer would be giving us the freedom to go home, and not forcing us to participate –  against our respective wishes – in a fight that may very well kill us.”

“I can’t do that,” the Disciple said, after a pause. “You know I already would have, if I could.” 

Kankri crumbled under her sad, imploring expression. It was no secret that he had the same strange soft spot for the Disciple as his older genetic counterpart, though for some reason it didn’t appear to extend to Meulin. Maybe it was just because most people had a soft spot for the Disciple. Even those among them who were determined to stay mad at the teachers for being kind of in on Scratch’s whole plan could barely find it in them to hold a grudge against the Disciple. She looked after them too well.

“…I know. I’m sorry,” Kanrki said, defeated. “The situation isn’t entirely unoppressive towards you either, is it?” He tugged at one sleeve of his sweater, refusing to look up and see her slight smile when he added, “Maybe a distraction would be welcome, actually.”

“It’s not even winter yet,” John pointed out. “Is it?”

“It’s the moon,” the Disciple said. “There are no seasons here.”

 

 

“Well, whatever,” was Eridan’s final judgement later, when the news had been passed around through the common rooms. “Who’s even gettin excited over somethin as lame and juvenile as that? It’s not like we don’t have an actual battle to be preparing for or anythin.”

“I think it sounds like fun,” Aradia said, in her hollow voice, from the corner of the room. “It does give us something to do other than watch the clock tick down towards our inevitable demise, at the very least.”

“Yeah, Eridan, don’t be a party pooper!” Feferi chimed in, bouncing over to snuggle up to Aradia from behind. “And, also, don’t act so high and mighty. Like you using your powers to set fire to a whole bunch of architecture is actual ‘ _training_ ’! Just another one of your dumb destructive temper tantrums, more like.”

“Better than doing nothin at all,” Eridan grumbled, but he sounded a little cowed, and after that, nobody brought it up for the rest of the evening.

 

 

When he finally fell asleep that night, Dave dreamed of Scratch.

Since arriving at the school almost a full year ago, the dreams that he could recall having had been getting slowly stranger and more disturbing, but, as far as he could remember, they had never featured Scratch before. Mostly, the recurring images were confined to green fire, juggalos, laughing puppets and ghost armies.

 

This one began in Scratch’s office. It looked different, as usual, but the photographs on the mantlepiece and the green wallpaper gave it away.

“Right on time, Mr Strider.”

Dave turned at the sound of a voice, and discovered the headmaster leaning against the grandfather clock. Once he had Dave’s attention, he reached out a gloved hand and opened the lower compartment, revealing the familiar rectangular pool of green.

“Care to follow me?”

Dave wanted to say no, but he was compelled onto his feet. Once he had passed through the clock-portal, and the office had disappeared, the landscape reconfigured itself into a familiar and expected sight: the ruins of a school, a cracked black sky, a green sun.

_Green Sun. We meet again. And now I feel like I know you so much better –_

Seeing it in person for a second time, even if it was only a dream, Dave suddenly had no doubt that this awful thing was the source of Scratch’s power. _It’s the exact same shade of green as him. It glows just like he –_

 

“It’s not just the source of _my_ powers,” Scratch said from beside him, interrupting and correcting his thoughts. “It’s the source of _all_ our collective powers, you know. Yours included. In fact, you and I have very similar powers – or, should I say, I possess your time powers, and so much more.”

Dave looked at him, stunned into near-silence. “…What?”

Seeming pleased by that response, Scratch laid a hand on Dave’s shoulder and pointed up. “You and I. Our very essences. Captured in that supernova. It’s the furnace that fuels all magic users, right from the beginning of time. And also, beyond time.”

 

It felt as though something had clamped around Dave’s windpipe and was slowly being winched shut. “Shit. Then…” _Rose was aiming to destroy it, to make him vulnerable by getting rid of his power source – but if doing that means we would end up also destroying ourselves – or at least destroying our powers – then –_

_That means we have no plan. Yet again._

 

As though he had heard Dave’s thoughts – _of course he did, what did he just say, all our powers and more, and besides, this is a dream_ – Scratch chuckled.

“I don’t wish to spoil the ending, David,” he said, “so I won’t. However, I will tell you this much: currently, I’m not the one you should be worrying about.”

“Are you sure about that.”

Scratch laughed again. “Oh, yes, I am quite a fearsome enemy,” he agreed, “and I _am_ the enemy, the sole enemy, you are quite correct on that front, I will make no pretences. But has it ever occurred to you why I am putting on the Winter Ball at this time?”

“You’re not putting it on,” Dave said, still reeling from the sudden despair, “The teachers are.”

“I allow all things to happen.”

“Fine. Whatever. It’s a distraction, I guess, and it’s fucking working.” _Why are we talking about the Winter Ball._

Scratch sounded affronted. “A distraction? What would I need to distract from? I am playing with my cards entirely on show, here, boy, distractions are for the _basest_ of conmen. What am I, _Slick?_ ” He sighed, and finally removed his hand from Dave’s shoulder, stepping back.

“No,” he went on. “It is simply that this term will be your last chance. To enjoy time together.”

 

He reached out, and even though his white hand didn’t make contact, Dave still felt himself being pulled sharply away, through time and space, and also beginning to wake up, slightly, in his bed, as Scratch kept talking in a level voice like nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

“So, well. Let me put it this way, Dave: love now if you’re going to love at all.”

 

By the time he was fully awake, Dave remembered nothing about the dream.

 

 

 

They all managed to last two full days pretending not to care before Meenah cornered Karkat one evening during dinner and asked him to the Winter Ball.

“I like your style, Shouty,” she announced, one beringed hand slammed intimidatingly on the table beside Karkat’s bowl of soup. “You take no one’s shit and I appreciate that. Yeah, you might shut up even less than Aranea did, but since I broke up with her I ain’t got no one better to go with, and like hell I’m going alone.” She raised the hand into Karkat’s face, angling for a handshake. Everyone who had bothered to attend dinner was dead silent, staring at them. “What do you say? You up for forming one half of a power couple that’ll wreck this joint?”

 

“Uh,” Karkat said, looking between her hand and her face. That particular evening, he and Dave had ended up sitting separately – Dave with Kanaya, and Karkat with Sollux and Aradia – and Dave was suddenly glad for that as he was almost bowled over by a wave of sick, jealous anxiety at the ludicrous idea that Karkat might say yes. “Not that I’m not flattered, Meenah…”

Meenah drew back, set her fists on her hips.

“ – Because I am, you know I am. But I think that if I were going to go to this dance thing – which, you know, I probably actually am, eventually, against my own fucking will and yet forced by no one but my own fucking self – I think I would want it to be with a partner who, uh. You know. _Didn’t_ ask me like you just did.” He paused, then added, “Sorry.”

 

To everyone’s relief, Meenah seemed neither offended nor surprised. “Right, I got it,” she said amusedly, pushing her bejewelled glasses up her nose. “Only declarations of endless love can hook _this_ one in. I respect that.”

Unbothered by everyone’s eyes on her, she swiped the unopened juice carton off his tray, tucked it in her pocket, and then was gone from the dining hall with only the words, “Worth a try. See you around, Shouty!” and a parting ruffle to his curls.

 

Dave, two tables away and recovering from a minor panic attack, made the mistake of risking a glance in Karkat’s direction after the buzz of chatter over _that_ incident had died down, only to find that Karkat had already been looking at him. _Shit. Shit._

He ducked his head and focussed all his energy into obsessively picking at his food, and told himself there was no way that was Karkat’s intense attention he could feel burning into him for the rest of the meal.

 

 

Even though it had ended in rejection, Meenah’s offer somehow started an avalanche of unrestrained excitement for the Ball. People dropped the façade of disinterest, and started desperately trying to bag themselves either a date or an outfit. Kanaya’s sewing machine almost broke from overuse after Feferi commissioned her to make her an enormous tacky ballgown out of a pair of bright purple curtains from the billiard room. It was rumoured that Rufioh had agreed to go with both Horuss _and_ Damara, but neither of the two knew about that particular arrangement. More than half of the upperclassmen had Porrim as their date.

 

 

 

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] opened betting pool on board SKAIANET.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] opened active betting to  ALL SKAIANET USERS except terminallyCapricious [TC]

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] set ALL SKAIANET USERS except  gnarlyCountersuit [GC] and grimAuxiliatrix [GA] and tentacleTherapist [TT] and  thresholdAlternating [TA] as potential betting chips.

TG: guess whos been coding!!!  
twinArmageddons [TA] responded to betting pool.  
TA: oh god  
TA: what ii2 thii2 abomiinatiion.  
TG: just a new form of digital currency ive been working on is all!  
TG: instead of the gold standard this ones based on your accuracy in guessing whos going to go with who to the winter ball  
TG: ;)  
TG: lookie  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] placed a bet of 50 SKAIANET COINS on [ghastliestAglaia/acolyteGlossolalist] as [HAPPENING]  
acolyteGlossolalist [AG] responded to betting pool.  
AG: W8, excuse me????????  
AG: Could you possi8ly NOT, Roxy????????  
TG: you know what they say aranea……  
TG: alls fair in love and war  
TG: and this is BOTH  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] placed a bet of 100 SKAIANET COINS on [aerialTreasonist/augursArrival] as [HAPPENING]  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] placed a bet of 80 SKAIANET COINS on [caligulasAquarium/cuttlefishCuller] as [NOT HAPPENING]  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] placed a bet of 150 SKAIANET COINS on [crustaceanAbator/any] as [NOT HAPPENING]  
TG: that last ones pretty safe  
TG: but sue me i wanna win!!  
avidCarnivore [AC] responded to betting pool.  
AC: ヽ(^°〇°^)ﾉ < WHOA ROXY!!!  
AC: (っ^˘ω˘^) < HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THAT YOU ARE SO TALENTED WITH COMPUTERS? AND ALSO THIS LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF FUN!!!!  
TG: meulin you are my only solace in this terrible place  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to betting pool.  
CG: WHY IS GAMZEE BANNED FROM PARTICIPATING.  
TG: you know why  
CG: …OKAY. YEAH, I DO, ACTUALLY.  
CG: FAIR ENOUGH.  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to betting pool.  
TG: wait so weve moved onto like  
TG: trading cryptocurrency based on whos banging now  
TG: like bitcoins except with ships  
TG: is that it or am i going crazy  
TG: please tell me im going crazy  
AC: w(^°O°)w < SHIPCOINS!!!!!!  
TG: goddamn meulin you are SO right that is a better name for it  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] changed name of SKAIANET COINS to SHIPCOINS.  
TG: oh and also while im @ it  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] placed a bet of 300 SHIPCOINS on [carcinoGeneticist/turntechGodhead] as [HAPPENING]  
TG: um  
CG: UM,  
twinArmageddons [TA] placed a bet of 200 SHIPCOINS on [carcinoGeneticist/turntechGodhead] as [HAPPENING]  
acolyteGlossolalist [AG] placed a bet of 110 SHIPCOINS on [carcinoGeneticist/turntechGodhead] as [HAPPENING]  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] placed a bet of 290 SHIPCOINS on [carcinoGeneticist/turntechGodhead] as [HAPPENING]  
CG: FEFERI, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] responded to betting pool.  
CC: Safe investments, Crabcatc)(!  
TG: okay  
TG: uh  
TG: im going to elect to ignore that i think  
TG: and think of a subject change real quick  
TG: um  
TG: OH YEAH heres one  
TG: (thank god)  
TG: why the hell arent kanaya rose latula and mituna on the board for betting thats not fair  
TG: they r disqualified cause theyre the only couples who have their shit together  
TG: are you kidding me  
TG: have you ever met those first two  
TG: fuck it im willing to bet everything i have that neither member of the kanaya-rose pairing will manage to gather up the courage to actually ask even though theyve been officially dating for a long ass time now  
TG: rose will somehow convince herself that asking kanaya first would be presumptuous  
TG: and meanwhile even though theyre nearing their one year anniversary kanayas still all like Oh I Just Dont Know If She Really Likes Me Or If The Moonlit Dates Are Just Her Being Polite  
TG: ……  
TG: well  
TG: alright  
TG: ill allow it  
TG: but you might come to regret that!!  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] set SKAIANET USERS: grimAuxiliatrix [GA] and tentacleTherapist [TT] as potential betting chips.  
turntechGodhead [TG] placed a bet of 2000 SHIPCOINS on [grimAuxiliatrix/tentacleTherapist] as [NOT HAPPENING]  
TG: also i hope you know that just because those two werent set as betting chips doesnt mean they cant read the chat  
TG: gamzee is the only one whos banned from reading the chat  
terminallyCapricious [TC] responded to betting pool.  
TC: :o)  
TG banned TC from responding to betting pool.  
TG: um  
TG: or thats how it was supposed to be anyway  
TG: :/  
TG: well fuck  
TG: oh well!!!!  
TG: better count on them not checking their phones i guess lol  
TG: anyway ill make sure to post the leaderboards every so often just so we can check up on how everyones doing  
TG: and so  
TG: without further ado  
TG: lets GOOO  
TG: *PEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEW*  
TG: (thts a laser gun sound effect by the way)  
TG: (our starting gun is a laser gun)  
AC: (ﾒ￣▽￣)︻┳═一 - - - - - < PEWPEWPEW!!!  
TG: THANK you meulin  
TG: urg  
TG: i swear  
TG: youre the only one who has ever been worthy of my respect aroudn here  


 

 

 

“Nepeta, you should totally ask Karkat to the Winter Ball!” Jade said out of nowhere during one tea party session (the usual crew, on the front lawn’s twee set of dainty white garden chairs, with real china on loan from Ms Paint but nothing to put in it because nobody thought to bring teabags to the moon) and almost made Dave’s heart stop in his chest.

 _No no not this shit again. Oh my god. I thought we were done with this._ Dave didn’t dare to look up, one fist pressed to his chest where he had almost performed a spit-take with his imaginary tea. When they hung out, the three of them usually talked about videogames and music and their pets from back home, and he had kind of presumed that Jade must have figured out his feelings for Karkat by now – especially after the last disastrous Karkat conversation – and that was why she regularly spared him any conversation on that front. _Apparently not._

_God, Jade, how can you so smart and also this dumb._

 

“Jade…” Nepeta was saying, frowning, “Don’t be silly. He already rejected Meenah… why would he say yes to me?”

“Because you and Meenah are different people, obviously!”

Nepeta clearly still wasn’t convinced, so Jade sighed, and went on, “Well, how about this: if he says no, then I’ll go with you, and we’ll have a great time dancing and drinking fruit juice from wine glasses and not thinking about dumb old Karkat and his dumb bad taste! Win-win!”

“He’s not dumb,” Nepeta protested in a small voice.

“ _Nepeta.”_

Instead of answering, the catgirl tried to take a distracted sip of her invisible tea, but her sharp teeth got in the way.

“Come _on_! Don’t you think it’s at least worth a shot?”

“I don’t know…”

Jade pursed her lips, blowing a strand of black hair out of her face, and reached over to tug on Dave’s sleeve. “Dave, you’re Karkat’s best friend. How do you think he would want to be asked?”

“I… what?”

“If we’re going to do this right, then we need tips! On seducing him.”

 

To his horror, with both Jade and Nepeta’s eyes on him, Dave found himself considering it. _If I were going to ask Karkat…_

He cleared his throat. “You’d have to be, uh. Really… stupidly romantic. That would mean a lot to him, I think.” _He’d probably love having one of those big romantic gestures that always seem to feature in his favorite movies directed at him._ _Like the boombox thing or the live serenade thing or the last-minute crash through the church doors thing. But if I were the one who was going to ask him out, I’d probably just have to play it safe, because a big romantic gesture is totally not my style and I’d find it dumb and embarrassing the whole time, and then he’d pick up on that, and it would piss him off, and we’d probably get into an argument and it’d ruin things – I mean, wait. We’re talking about Nepeta here._ “Mostly… you’d just have to be… just, uh, genuine. I guess. Since he can tell. With his whole… thing. That he does.”

 

“Solid advice!” Said a voice that was neither Jade nor Nepeta’s, and a pair of hands clapped onto Dave’s shoulders from behind and he barely even grimaced now at the pointed tongue being dragged down his right cheek.

“Terezi. I thought you were off doing something,” Dave said before his brain had caught up and presented the awful thought of _wait how long has she been standing there._

“Yep! Then I finished and now I’m here doing something different,” Terezi said, just as he was in the process of turning around to shoot her a look of horror, and when the thought _oh fuck oh no_ passed through his head she lowered her glasses to the end of her beaky nose and winked conspiratorially.

 

The smug look didn’t leave her face when Dave shoved back his chair and flash-stepped across the lawn into a side entrance without looking back. He only just managed to hear Jade say, “Gosh, he left so quickly! Are things still awkward between you two, then?”

 

 

 

tentacleTherapist [TT] began chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]

TT: Guess who checked their phone.  
TG: shit  
TT: By the way, I really resent the assertion that Kanaya and I are too inept to sort out our own feelings. It would take a couple of truly magnificent dimwits to skirt around one another for a full year in lieu of simply having a mature conversation on the topic of romance.  
TG: so i take it youve asked her then  
TT: …  
TG: are you kidding me  
TT: It’s not that I haven’t asked her.  
TG: are you KIDDING ME  
TT: Okay, look.  
TT: You only get one shot at something like this. I think that’s something we’re both hyperaware of.  
TT: We’re as aware of it as we are aware of the fact that both of us know full well that we are technically already one another’s default date to the Winter Ball.  
TT: So it’s not a matter of if one of us is going to ask, it’s a matter of how.  
TT: And I refuse to be beaten on that front.  
TG: THIS AGAIN?  
TT: So, yes, to answer your first question, I have asked her. And she has asked me.  
TT: Several times, actually.  
TT: The first time I asked was via a handwritten letter I delivered to her door three mornings after the Ball was announced. Inside was a personalized sonnet, a locket that was also an old family heirloom, and a handful of dried flowers.  
TT: But she returned it to me without opening it after pointing out that it didn’t bear the correct postage stamps.  
TT: Then I suspect she was planning on asking me when we were enjoying an evening walk through the gardens, because she started talking about the time I first asked her out and also we were standing by the fountain where it happened.  
TT: So I quickly diverted matters by pretending to have a sudden and violent premonition of the future, and she was sufficiently distracted trying to drag me back inside.  
TG: oh my god  
TT: I must concede that the hand-embroidered journal cover from yesterday had me on the verge of giving in, but then it went up in flames during an argument with Eridan.  
TT: Not Kanaya’s fault, admittedly.  
TT: But it works out to my advantage in the end. I’d like to be the one to ask her.  
TT: And unless she’s got something truly impressive up her sleeve, my next plan is an almost guaranteed success, I’d say.  
TT: There's no way she can turn me down.  
TG: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO  
TT: Hey, at least I never even entertained the idea of asking her by holding up a boombox outside her bedroom window like John Cusack in Say Anything.  
TG: IM NEVER TALKING TO TEREZI AGAIN  
TG: OR YOU

turntechGodhead [TG] blocked tentacleTherapist [TT]

 

 

 

Dave really wished he could blame Jade or Terezi or Rose for his state of mind that evening when he and Karkat were sitting together on John’s bed watching an onslaught of terrible Lifetime Original movies, but he found that he couldn’t do it. In the end he had no one to blame but himself for how he flinched every time the male romantic lead did so much as touch the female romantic lead tenderly on the face.

_Don’t imagine yourself in his position and Karkat in her position or Karkat in his position and you in her position, what did I JUST say –_

 

Before the beginning of the third act it got so bad Karkat got sick of pretending not to notice and kneeled up to turn the movie off. “Dave, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dave replied immediately, then winced. _Obvious as fuck._

“Dave…” Eyebrows furrowed, Karkat shuffled an inch closer, which did nothing for Dave’s concentration. They were on John’s bed because the other one was still covered with Dave’s remixing gear from the previous sleepless night, and none of the beds at Doc Scratch’s were very wide. Sitting the way the two of them usually did – against the wall, with their legs either crossed or hanging off the side – there was barely enough room to exist without brushing elbows or calves.

In fact, Dave could count the exact number of times they had accidentally touched during the movie. _Once when Karkat was setting up the laptop. Once just after the credits when Karkat spilled his energy drink and had to reach over my shoulder to grab a tissue and I thought for a second he was going to put his arm around my shoulders. Our thighs were pressed together when the two leads were sharing a moment in the waiting room of the hospital, and that didn’t stop until the girl’s comic relief friend showed up and interrupted their almost-kiss._

“Seriously, Karkat, why did you stop the movie,” Dave said, on the verge of hyperventilating. “Everything is fine.”

“It’s very obviously not,” Karkat pointed out. He was sitting with his forearms on his drawn-up knees, and that meant his left hand was dangling just above Dave’s ankle. He had kind of stubby fingers, and the nails were bitten down to the quick. _Smaller than mine, but kind of... wider. If we held hands –_

“ – your emotions are cluttered as fuck, actually,” Karkat was saying, looking right at him, and _oh my god his face is red and he knows,_ and the second Dave realized what was happening was also the second he panicked uncontrollably and did the first thing he could think of and flash-stepped out of the room.

 

 

“…Dave?”

He heard Karkat’s voice echo faintly through the door after managing to stop himself dead in the corridor outside, cringing with the realization that he had just literally bolted from a romantic encounter. Karkat sounded confused, but also with an edge of something else. If Dave didn’t know better, he would’ve said it sounded like he was holding himself back from laughing.

 

He exhaled, long and heavy, but just quiet enough to not be heard. The sound of Karkat moving about made him tense up, but he must have been just shutting the laptop or something because everything went quiet again a few seconds later. Dave scrubbed a hand over his face and stopped time anyway before he let himself slide down the wall.

_Looks like I can’t keep my enormous crush secret for much longer, no matter how much I want to. There goes that plan, and what a real good job you did at falling in love with one of the three empaths to ever exist in the universe, Dave. God damn, if only it had been anyone else –_

_But it wouldn’t have been anyone else, would it. Probably it would have only ever been Karkat. Everyone to choose from, and I chose Karkat._

_This isn’t going to go away._

A poster for the Winter Ball, torn in half and lying on the floor just outside Eridan’s door, caught his eye and made him grimace. It seemed like life was giving him the single most perfect opportunity to acknowledge the feelings that Karkat was going to catch onto sooner or later in a way that would be semi-smooth if he actually managed to successfully pull it off. But the idea of actually swallowing his pride and risking rejection by asking Karkat to the dance filled him with such a sick, immediate dread that he knew it was never going to happen.

_Damn. Nepeta’s braver than I am._

Ten minutes of brooding later, Dave realized that he had frozen time with Karkat still inside his room, and that meant he was going to have to actually do something if he wanted to go to bed any time soon.

He waited until he was safely around a corner before he let everything finally flow naturally again, and it was only a short while before the handle to Dave and John’s room creaked and Karkat appeared. He still had a faint trace of pink high on his cheeks.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t –_

 

 

 

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] posted on betting pool on board SKAIANET.

TG: sup everyone!!  
TG: heres todays results  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] requested [LEADERBOARD: HAPPENING] from betting pool.  
-  
LEADERBOARD: HAPPENING  
1: [carcinoGeneticist/turntechGodhead] with 1760 SHIPCOINS.  
2: [augursArrival/aerialTreasonist] with 1180 SHIPCOINS.  
3: [aerialTreasonist/cavalriesThrust] with 1110 SHIPCOINS.  
4: [arachnidsGrip/crownCouture] with 935 SHIPCOINS.  
5: [acolyteGlossolalist/ghastliestAglaia] with 882 SHIPCOINS.  
6: [gutsyGumshoe/tipsyGnostalgic] with 500 SHIPCOINS.  
7: [crownCouture/ghastliestAglaia] with 455 SHIPCOINS.  
8: [arachnidsGrip/gallowsCalibrator] with 413 SHIPCOINS.  
9: [ectoBiologist/turntechGodhead] with 300 SHIPCOINS.  
10: [arsenicCatnip/carcinoGeneticist] with 220 SHIPCOINS.  
-  
TG: well there you go folks!  
TG: and heres your daily reminder that ill ban u if you spam the board wit easy picks  
TG: we r here for fun, not 2 make money, this isnt wall street  
TG: also anyone who betted on meulin/kurloz or tavros/gamzee congrats on collecting ur bounties!!!!  
TG: because……  
TG: (drumroll pls)  
avidCarnivore [AC] responded to betting pool.  
AC: (╮/°-°)╮/ [_I_I_]  ¨*•.¸¸♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] confirmed [avidCarnivore/taciturnCircus] as [HAPPENING]  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] confirmed [adiosToreador/terminallyCapricious] as [HAPPENING]  
AC: ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ < !!!!!  
TG: thats all  
TG: will keep yall updated if any more promposals roll in  
TG: bc u better believe im  
TG: on  
TG: the  
TG: case  
augursArrival [AA] responded to betting pool.  
AA: あなた自身の愛の生活が完全に空であるので、他の人々のロマンチックな生活を見て楽しむのですか？  
TG banned AA from responding to betting pool.  
TG: i know enough japanese to know that was mean  
TG: by which i mean i know enough google translate to know that was mean  
TG: by which i mean i know enough DAMARA to know that was mean  
TG: :(  
TG: right guys???  
TG: …  
TG: :(  
TG: please dont tell me youve all muted the chat  
TG: you have havent you?  
TG: SIGHHH..  
TG: its so lonely @ the top  
AC: (︶︹︺;)  
TG: thanks meulin

 

 

 

“Oh my _god, look!”_

A scream from over by the open window – coming from a bouncing, excited Jade – alerted everyone in the common room to the likelihood that something was going on in the flower garden. But, despite the pattern of the recent months, it wasn’t something comparatively shitty, like a rogue pair of arguing students destroying school property with their powers, or a stray beast wandering in from the wood and terrifying everyone until either the Condesce, Nepeta, or Tavros arrived to deal with it. It was Kanaya, perched awkwardly on the steps of the fountain, surrounded by hundreds upon hundreds of floating white roses, spelling out the word ‘ _Dance?’_. Rose was standing in the lower doorway, clearly called there by some co-conspirator.

“Do you like it?” Kanaya said nervously, not seeming to know what to do with her hands. The roses were bobbing slightly in the air, as if keeping them there took some effort. “I’ve been practicing – Roxy approached me and set me up with, ah, Porrim, who I was too afraid to talk to before but, you know, she really has a grip on her powers and turned out to be an enormous help, really I owe this all to her. I know it would’ve been nicer if I could’ve spelled out a longer or more grammatically correct sentence but – ”

She had to stop, because Rose had strolled over and was kissing her on the mouth. The roses dropped to the ground all around them.

 

 

 

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] posted on betting pool on board SKAIANET.

TG: confirm [grimAuxiliatrix/tentacleTherapist] as [HAPPENING]  
ERROR.  
...  
SHIPCOIN count has been terminated due to a SYSTEM ERROR.  
Betting pool is now locked.  


 

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]

TG: DAVE UR DUMB ALL-OR-NOTHING BET CAUSED A STOCK MARKET CRASH AND COMPLTELY DESTROYED MY CODING  
TG: wait seriously  
TG: YES SERIOULSLY  
TG: :'(  
TG: hahahahaha awesome  
TG: NOT AWESOME  
TG: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!1  
TG: WHY IS EVERYOEN IN THE WORLD SO CRUEL TO ME ALWAYS  
TG: EXCEPT MEULIN  
TG: AND BOOZE  
TG: see kankri said this whole placing bets on peoples relationships business was a bad idea  
TG: and did you listen  
TG: I HATE EVERYTIGN

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]

 

 

“I told her this was the most perfect spot for it, because it’s one of the prettiest places in the whole school with the sea and the sand and the cliffs and everything and I know you said it was important to him that it was romantic, plus I know he saw the way Kanaya asked Rose and so he’s probably setting his hopes pretty high – ”

 

Dave could barely focus. He had been feeling genuinely neutral towards it at first – and maybe he had even slightly pretended to be a bit more aloof about it than he actually was, just to keep up his coolkid reputation – but now he for real didn’t want to hear any more about this stupid Winter Ball. Even after his unintentional takedown of Roxy’s 24/7 betting pool, it was all anyone could talk about. Maybe it was hard to blame his classmates – the well of conversation had begun to run dry about month four, and this was a sudden new oasis – but he did anyway. The thing was happening tomorrow, and yet two new sets of prom dates had sprung up as recently as the previous night, when Eridan and Sollux had started arguing once again over who was going to take Feferi, and she had gotten in the middle of the fight and told them that she was exhausted, that they could both rot for all she cared, she was going with Aradia and if the two of them liked carping at each other so much why didn’t they just get _hatemarried_ , at which point the two of them agreed to go together out of spite. It was exhausting.

 

And yet here Dave was, freezing his ass off in the 7am sunrise, crouched behind a shrub that was also trying (and failing) to hide Jade, the instigator of this plan, and Equius, who had insisted on coming along as a ‘bodyguard’. If they pushed each other out of the way in turns, the three of them could just about see down to the stretch of sand, with the grey waves beside it, where a little figure in a ratty, oversized coat was waiting nervously as it watched another, slightly larger figure approach.

Dave didn’t want to look, though. All he could think about was how this was the exact spot where he and Karkat had fallen over in the water together last year rescuing John.

 

“Shh, I think they’re talking!” Jade said, as if there was any way in hell Dave and Equius were ever going to casually converse. She leaned over the top of the shrub, straining to hear, but the wind picked up and they were too far away anyway.

Facing in the opposite direction, Dave dropped his head into his palms and shut his eyes.

_Just don’t think about it. Definitely don’t hope that it won’t work out, that would be petty as hell since it’s not like you’re brave enough to ask him even if he says no anyway, you might as well try and be a good person and hope he decides to make Nepeta happy even though I don’t think he likes Nepeta in that way, I probably would’ve picked up on it if he liked Nepeta in that way, oh god I hope he doesn’t like Nepeta in that way –_

 

“Oh, I… I think he said no,” Jade said, disappointed, and Dave let out a sigh of relief so audible that Equius turned to him sharply.

When he hauled himself up to take a look at what Jade was seeing, the two figures were moving away from each other – or rather, Karkat was walking off, hunched kind of awkwardly, and Nepeta remained where she had been standing. It looked like she was covering her face in embarrassment.

 

“NEPETA!!!”

Jade cupped her hands and yelled in a voice so loud that it echoed around the cliffs, even though she could’ve just teleported down there to talk to Nepeta up close in a few seconds, and also Nepeta's super-senses meant she could probably hear even their slightest whispers. Both little figures jumped, and Dave could see Karkat stop and look up curiously, despite himself.

“HEY, NEPETA!!! DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME!?”

They couldn’t hear Nepeta’s reply – it was drowned out by the roar of the sea – but the way she was jumping up and down and waving her hands around was reply enough.

Equius groaned disapprovingly.

 

 

 

Once Jade had teleported all four of them safely back to the lobby of the school, and Dave had recovered from the subsequent motion sickness and finally began to wander towards the dormitories with the faint hope that Karkat wasn't hoping to hang out tonight because his emotions were currently a ragged mess, he caught the tail end of a muttered conversation coming from the open door of the staffroom.

 

Using his powers to flash-step closer and hide himself behind the open door, he quickly figured out that the three talking inside the room were the Disciple, Redglare, and the Psiioniic.

“ – no point in carrying on like this now that he’s gone. We have to leave, and we have to split up when we do it. The Signless was the only one out of all of us that had any hope when it came to uniting us, and without him, we’re – ”

“You think I don’t know he’s gone?” That was the Disciple, cutting the Psiioniic off. “That doesn’t mean we can’t carry on the way he would have wanted, though, don’t you see?”

“If we do that, we’re as good as doomed.”

“You used to say that back when he was – when he – ” The Disciple took a steadying breath. “ – when he was _here._ We’ve always been doomed – ”

“So let’s get un-doomed,” Redglare said. “Those kids – the ones out _there_ – have the right idea. There are temples, and ruins, on this moon, ones that he must have put here. If there are going to be clues on how to beat him – and you _know_ there must be, because why would he have bothered with any of this if there wasn’t a way for us to _win –_ they’re going to be there. But we need to co-ordinate if we want to be efficient enough to cover all – ”

“Fuck the temples,” the Psiioniic snapped. “Fuck that, fuck playing his game. Let’s just run. Let’s find a way off this planet, and let’s just fucking go. He can’t keep us here like prisoners.”

“ _Like_ prisoners?” Redglare said, half-goading.

There was silence. Then she went on, insistent, “You think running from him will help? You think you _can_ run? He’s our maker.”

“Well, whatever you’re doing, Summoner and I are heading out tomorrow,” the Psiioniic said after a sullen pause. “You can stay here and put on fancy dress parties for a load of kids who are probably _weeks_ away from their own deaths all you want. I’m bailing.”

“No, don’t,” the Disciple pleaded softly. “Remember what Signless and Dolorosa said? About protecting the children, right up until the end?”

“And just what the hell does our protection mean, D?” the Psiioniic said bitterly. “A fat load of fucking nothing, that’s what.”

 

 

At that, even though the argument went on, Dave drew away from the door, distracted suddenly.

 _They’re twenty-five,_ he thought, remembering something Hal had once told him but which he hadn’t fully processed at the time, _they look like they’re older, but they’re twenty-five. And they’re prisoners of Scratch, just like us, and he didn’t even give them names._

He thought of the Dolorosa’s face, turned withered and ancient from using so much of her remaining power to heal his classmates.

_I want to save them. I want to save us, obviously. But I want to save them, too._

“Oh my!” a louder and new voice exclaimed from inside the room, and Dave’s gasp of surprise was drowned out by the three inside the staffroom.

 

_Ms Paint? But how did she – I would’ve noticed if she had walked past me, surely?_

“Haven’t you got classes to be teaching, lovelies? It’s almost time for first period!” Dave leaned in to see the back of Ms Paint’s stout figure, hands on hips and unintimidating – and the three teachers, looking down at her like she was a ghost. Sure enough, the staffroom didn’t have any other entrances except the one Dave was standing in.

“Run along!” she said pleasantly, and they scattered. Dave was gone before any of them reached the door.

 

 

 

That night, Jake floated outside Dirk’s bedroom window holding a boombox above his head. It was blaring some pop song, and it woke almost everyone up.

 

Dirk flung the window open like it had personally wronged him, staring at the figure hovering a few yards out. He had clearly only just wrestled his shades on, he was shirtless, and his hair was sticking up in different directions than usual. “Jake, what the _fuck?”_

“Dirk! Just the chap! Say, uh, this is - well - you know, d'you think you could you ever find a place in your oh-so-chambersome heart to forgive me?” Jake raised the boombox higher, desperately. He had to shout to be heard over the music. “I’ve had a long time to think things over, and I’ve concluded that I acted like an epic friggin tool – ”

“It’s four in the morning,” Dirk informed him, and then noticed the number of other bedroom windows that were open with investigative heads poking out, and seemed to shrink into himself.

“Why is he playing Kylie?” someone asked.

“I don’t care, I love this song,” Vriska said. “Turn it up!”

“Jake, you idiot!” Roxy shouted suddenly, her head bursting out of a hallway window. “You were supposed to play the _Peter Gabriel_ song, not – have you never _seen_ Say Anything?”

Then she winced as Dirk’s head whipped around, turning a betrayed stare on her, and hastily blinked out of existence.

 

“Well you’ll have to forgive me, Roxy,” Jake shouted back anyway, lowering the boombox slightly as his eyebrows knitted together, “I’m not so used to putting on grand platonic gestures, and plus you know full _well_ I’ve never watched the blasted film, it’s not directed by James Cameron and there’s nary a gun-sporting blue babe in sight on the poster – ”

“Wait,” Dirk said. “ _Platonic_ gestures?”

“That’s right!” Jake said, turning his attention and hundred-megawatt smile back towards Dirk. “I – confound it, Dirk, I _miss_ you. We never hang out any more! And that’s why I wanted to give us a chance to reconnect, as friends, and comrades, at the Winter Ball – ”

 

“Fuck you,” Dirk said. Everyone who wasn’t already awake was woken up by the sound of his window slamming shut.


	20. Chapter 20

A knock on the door dragged Dave out of bed and away from the videogame console at 7pm on the night of the Winter Ball. Whoever he might have been expecting to find at the door, it wasn’t Roxy – wearing a plum-colored cocktail dress, hair nicely curled up at the ends, and with eye makeup already streaked down her cheeks.

“Dave, you’ll never believe, it’s – it’s the fucking worst,” she began, hiccupping the words out through tears, and then stopped herself and blinked. “Is – wait, _don’t_ tell me you’re not going either?”

“Huh?”

She gestured exasperatedly to his outfit and moaned, “Goddamn Striders, man, what is it with you boys and being too damn cool to let loose for one night, I’ll never understand – ”

“Wait, no, you’ve got it wrong, I’m not too cool for that,” Dave said. “I’m going. Fuck knows I need a distraction from all the imminent doom.”

“Then why aren’t you dressed? It starts in an hour.”

 

He looked down at himself. His t-shirt had a coffee stain on it, sure, but it was mostly hidden by the lapel of his jacket, and his jeans were cleaner than they had ever been, he had made sure of that. Thank god for Ms Paint’s washing machine. “This is… what I’m wearing?”

“That?” Roxy groaned, then dragged herself into the room just to flop down on the bed. “Awh, Dave, come on, put a little effort in, you wear that getup every _day!_ Do you think you’re going to just waltz in there and woo Vantas the Younger looking like your regular-ass self?” She sat up, hair mussed. “Actually, never mind, I answered my own question.”

“Nice,” said Dave. “Hey, haven’t we exhausted the jokes about me and Karkat yet?”

“Nope!”

“Also you’re wrong,” he added, indicating to his outfit again, although he was starting to feel a little self-conscious about it now. “I mean, yeah, I look fly as hell even on the reg, so it frankly wouldn’t matter if I didn’t bust my ass to get all dressed up, but I’ve, uh, never worn this jacket before, actually.” It was red, and made of crushed velvet, and yeah from a distance it looked a lot like the hoodie he wore every day but actually it was the most expensive item of clothing Dave owned and he had dug it out of the bottom of his suitcase in a special effort to look fancy and also because he would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t have someone to impress.

Luckily, Roxy wasn't that person, because the way she snorted through her nose was distinctly unimpressed. “What does that matter! It’s all wrinkled up and nasty because you’ve so obviously been lazing around in it, you big doofus.”

She sprung up from the bed and started trying to smooth out the wrinkles in the front, getting all up in his space with insistent hands.

He took a half-step back. “Whoa, mom, knock it off – ”

 

They both froze. Somehow, Dave managed to keep his scream internalized.

 

“Mom!” Roxy was clapping her hands together in delight before he had the chance to play it off as deliberately ironic. “You called me mom!”

“Goddamn it.” Dave hoped his face wasn’t going as red as it felt. He shuffled back and straightened the jacket himself, trying to ignore the ecstatic grin she was levelling in his direction. “I just – I – what did you even want, anyway.”

 

Almost instantly, Roxy’s smile dropped, and Dave almost regretted changing the subject. “Oh, well,” she said. “It’s about… it’s about dad.”

 _Never mind, I take it back._ “Roxy.”

“Sorry, sorry. I mean Dirk. Obviously.” She dropped back down on the bed again, using the heel of one hand to wipe away the mascara that was smeared under her eyes and just making it worse. “He’s refusing to go to Hell Prom tonight, after what happened with Jake. Even though he knows I’ve always promised to be his backup date if things went to shit. I showed up at his door and tried to convince him but he still said no, and he just – he’s in a bad way, and I don’t know what to do, and I want us to all have fun together tonight, but I don’t think it’s going to work out that way, but I still want it to, really badly, and I think it’s worth trying, so…”

 

She took a deep, shuddering breath at the end of her sentence. Seeing her sitting there cross-legged, carefully made-up face a mess, Dave was overtaken by a wave of sympathy. Until he reminded himself that it wasn’t really anybody’s business to be forcing Dirk to go to a stupid dance when he had just had his heart re-broken for the second time in under a year.

“That’s rough,” he said honestly. “But I don’t know what help you think I would be.”

Roxy shrugged. “Because you’re kind of like… a partial fragment of him, I guess? No offense. And yet you’re in a healthy, steady relationship with another boy. I think it would be good for him to, uh, remember that. Because he’s always talking about how there’s not a single version of him that isn’t broken, and you’re, like, living proof that isn’t true.” She laughed half-heartedly. “I mean, obviously, he’s not broken at all to begin with. But _you_ try telling the dude that.”

“Roxy… I’m not in a healthy, stable relationship with another boy,” Dave reminded her. “I’m not in any relationship at all.” He ignored the fact that her reply was an exaggerated eyeroll and a grin, and added, “Look, I’ll go and check that he’s okay, but I’m not gonna try and convince him to go to the dance tonight. It really doesn’t make a difference either way if he goes or not.”

“But it _does,”_ Roxy argued, hands clenched into fists. “This is – this is our last chance to be together _._ As a group. Maybe _ever_.”

Somehow Dave was less taken aback by that statement than he felt he probably should be. But he still said, “Whoa, come on. What the hell makes you say that? We might not – things might not turn out that way.”

But Roxy just shrugged miserably. “I don’t know. Just – that’s how I feel.” She looked at him, hard. “And you get it, too, right?”

 

He couldn’t say no, so he just stayed silent up until Roxy clambered off the bed and put a hand on his shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter even if you can’t convince him. Just… go check on your father, okay?” she said.

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Dave agreed, reluctantly. And then, a few seconds later, when the shit-eating grin on Roxy’s face snapped into sudden non-existence, and the room became empty: “Oh, god _damn_ it, Roxy – ”

 

 

 

The blinds in Dirk’s room were pulled, and the place smelled overpoweringly of oil. Dave immediately saw why when he stepped inside without knocking and found Dirk kneeling on the ground, wearing a filthy tank top and arm-deep in the innards of what looked like some kind of robotic horse-human hybrid. _It would be generous to call that thing a centaur. That is not a centaur._

“What are _you_ doing here?” Dirk asked, not rudely, pulling his hand out and wiping it on the cloth slung over his left shoulder. He looked tired. “Roxy dragged you into this shitty business? Told you to come here and somehow convince me that love isn’t fake after all? Pulled the age-old ‘we’re your biological parents and you owe us’ guilt trip? That’s pretty low.”

 _How the hell did he read the situation so quickly._ “Come on, dude,” Dave said, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably. “Love isn’t fake. You just had a rough breakup is all.”

“Yeah it is,” Dirk replied, with an air of finality - as if he knew more than Dave ever would, and was weighed down with the knowledge - and he reached up to press a tender hand against the flank of the robot horse-man. Then, in a thoughtful tone: “You know that if I wanted to, I could program this thing to feel love?”

Dave shrugged.

“It’s totally possible,” Dirk went on, gaze wistful, stroking the machine’s muscular back as if it were a real horse. “It would be a complex process, and probably require a Zahhak’s help, but I could do it.” He snorted. “Not that I _would_ , obviously, because it’s maybe the worst curse you could bestow on a living creature and I don’t have any desire to be as unmerciful of a god as the one that decides our fates, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I _could_ , if I had the correct ingredients. Because that’s all love is, really, isn’t it? A series of the right electrical shocks. A big slurry of chemicals moving around.”

“Well, yeah,” Dave replied, even though it sounded like Dirk wasn’t talking to him much anymore. “Love, and also everything else.”

 

Dirk was silent for a moment, brooding by himself, so Dave decided to cut the shit, and said, “Come on, you’ve got plenty of other selves lying around. Why not send one to go do the mashed potato for twenty minutes just to humor Roxy? The rest of you can stay up here doing… whatever the fuck it is that you’re doing.”

“Because it’s better for everyone if I don’t go tonight,” Dirk replied matter-of-factly. “Roxy might not be able to see that, but that’s because she’s also a part of this big difficult equation. She wants me to be her date, which I’m obviously not going to fucking do even if she pretends like it would be a 100% platonic friendship deal, because she definitely deserves better than someone who could never return her feelings. Jane is going to be a little bit upset at me for ruining everything between her and Jake, but then she’ll doubly hate herself for feeling that way – even though frankly she has every right to – and she’ll try and pretend like she’s still her old cheerful self but not do a very good job at it, and god knows how awkward things are going to be between her and Jake, or if Jake will even show up at all – ”

“Wait. What?” Dave interrupted him before he could go any further. “Jane and Jake?”

Dirk looked at him, eyebrows furrowed. “…Did Roxy not tell you? After the shit with the boombox didn’t work, he went and asked Jane to go with him instead.”

“Oh.” Dave couldn’t think of anything to say to that.

Luckily, Dirk could. “Yeah. She said no, obviously, even though she probably wanted to say yes, because Crocker is nothing if not a top-tier friend. But that doesn’t matter. It’s that fact that he…” Dirk exhaled through his nose, raking a hand through his hair. “It’s the fact that he even asked her in the first place, you know. I mean, not that it makes a difference either way. We broke up, he can date whoever he likes. It wouldn’t even qualify as a rebound, either, because over half a year has passed since then. I just – it’s embarrassing, you know. Coming to this slow realization that he was never as into it as I was, and that my constant pushing wasn’t charming or suave or anything, and that it just drove him away in the end, and that I try to make him into the villain when really – ”

 

Dave wasn’t sure where that conversation would have gone if Horuss hadn’t drifted through the wall at that moment. He did know that he would refuse to recognize the fact that he had probably been seconds away from sitting down and starting a serious and much-needed feelings jam until the day he died, and that meant it was sort of a relief that Horuss was suddenly there all kitted out in his ugly suit and wearing a big dopey smile even if it was slowly sliding off his face as he sensed the tension present in the Strider-filled room.

Then Dave remembered the reason Horuss was all dressed up like that was because he was supposed to be going with Rufioh, who was a two-timing asshole, and his heart broke a little.

 

“Dirk? Is something wrong?” Horuss looked between the two of them. He was still wearing his dumb steampunk goggles even with his formal attire, and his hair looked even shinier than usual, as if he had gone wild with the leave-in conditioner twenty minutes prior. “Why are you here working on Sheila in the dark? Shouldn’t you be getting ready?”

“I’m not going tonight, Horuss,” Dirk reiterated tiredly. “You have fun, though.”

“Not going! Oh dear.” Horuss pushed his goggles up onto his forehead to blink concernedly at his roommate. “That’s… rather sad, don’t you think?”

“I’ll get over it,” Dirk said. “Hey, by the time you get back, I might have had a technological breakthrough and finally figured out how to attach the back hooves without rotation issues.”

“You’ll be here all by yourself, though...”

“Come on. It’s not like I’m not used to that.”

 

Dave, who had been slowly gravitating towards the door throughout the conversation after sensing he wasn’t needed, froze when Horuss took his hands off his hips and started suddenly and decisively unbuttoning his dress shirt.

_Why the fuck is he undressing, please don’t tell me he’s Dirk’s rebound and if he is then why in Doc Scratch’s name is the relationship chart in this school so messed up, oh god did he seriously not notice me over here –_

“Dave!” Horuss said, already down to the last button of his shirt. Now it was possible to see he had been wearing a stained white muscle vest underneath. “Would you do me a favor and let Rufioh know I won’t be able to make it tonight after all?”

Dave paused in the doorway, unwilling to linger a second longer even though Horuss had, luckily, stopped at the vest. “Uh,” he said as the older boy got down on his hands and knees and pulled a welding torch out from underneath a bed. “Don’t you think you should maybe tell him that yourself?”

“No, he won’t mind,” Horuss assured him. “Why, about half an hour ago, he was telling me just how uncomfortable he found the whole idea of us going to prom together. I’m sure he’ll be quite relieved to hear he doesn’t have to go through with the whole formal rigmarole after all!”

Dave was on the verge of arguing with that when he remembered just how little of a shit he gave, shrugged, and left the two of them to work on their weird robot horse for the rest of the night.

 

 

“Oh, dope,” Rufioh said when Dave reported the news to him, sitting in the South Wing common room. He looked like a massive weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “I guess he finally got the message, then, huh…”

 

 

 

When the time came, Dave decided to delay showing up to the Winter Ball until his entrance could be considered fashionably late. By then, he had been sitting in his bedroom for over an hour, checking his social media feeds and listening to the muffled sound of a tragically Justin Timberlake-heavy playlist rattling off the rafters of the ballroom below.

Eventually the temptation to see who was DJing got the better of him and he dusted off his jacket, pulled on his sunglasses, and flash-stepped down to the back passage outside the kitchens. Instead of making a grand entrance through the big, heavy ballroom doors, he followed the sound of booming 90s hits until he located an open window, then silently hoisted himself up and inside.

He found himself behind the DJ booth, temporarily hidden from sight.

 _That’s the other great thing about being fashionably late,_ he thought, peering past the booth into the dark, loud, crowded room. _Less stares._

_Ah, it’s Ms Paint DJing. Should’ve figured._

 

Whoever had decorated the ballroom for the occasion had clearly tried their best, but the green streamers just looked kind of miserable and nobody had bothered or dared to move Scratch’s priceless grand piano from the center of the room, so everyone on the dancefloor was having to awkwardly navigate around it. It also looked like things had gone south roughly an hour ago, since there was not much actual dancing happening any more. A loud argument was taking place by the exit that lead to the gardens, spearheaded by Meenah and Damara. Jane Crocker was in tears and Jake English was gone, if he had ever even been there to begin with. The only adult chaperone present was Redglare, who was so busy trying to halt the impending fight that she was neglecting to notice Terezi and Roxy sharing a bottle of berry moonshine in the corner, both wearing sweatpants and no shoes and looking like they had thoroughly cried through their eye makeup a long time ago.

Tavros looked like he was enjoying himself, though. His wheelchair had gotten stuck on one of the floorboards by the entrance, but Jade and Nepeta had moved their little party over to him so that he could still join in the dancing. 

 

Dave searched through the small mass of people actually dancing until he located Rose and Kanaya, performing a slow sway to My Heart Will Go On, Rose’s head on Kanaya’s shoulder. Judging by the expression on Kanaya’s face, she was trying to work up the courage to pull off a dip kiss, but it wasn’t going to be happening any time soon.

Satisfied that his sister was having a good time and being taken care of, Dave let himself scan the rest of the room. Over by the snacks table – quickly raided dry, by the looks of things – there was a single figure standing alone. He was instantly recognizable just by the sulky tilt of his hips.

 

Grinning, Dave jumped over the front of the booth, startling Ms Paint on the way, and headed straight for Karkat.

His best friend’s decently-fitted suit jacket and pants were clearly Kanaya’s doing – she had been working furiously to finish everyone’s requests right up until the last minute, until Dave had even dipped in and used his newly acquired rudimentary sewing skills to help her out by attaching a few buttons – but the partially slicked-back hair was probably Karkat’s own doing, since it looked like shit. He had missed tastefully windswept by a long shot, and just ended up looking like kind of a mess.

_Yeah. Okay. Fuck. Just when I thought I couldn’t love him any more. He looks great._

 

Even though he must have noticed Dave moving through the crowd towards him by now, Karkat was deliberately not looking over. His arms were folded, and he was staring fixedly to the right, reflections from the cheap disco ball playing off his face. When Dave drew to a stop beside him, he even turned away a little more.

_Pouting. He’s fucking pouting._

Purposefully exaggerating the motion, Dave leaned one elbow on the table and tried to ignore the single inch of skin showing just above the starched collar of the green shirt on loan from Kanaya. _Come on. It’s just a neck. You see it all the time._ “Now what’s a fine wench like you doing over here by the punch bowl without even a single suitor?” he asked, mock-seductive.

Finally Karkat looked at him. “Oh, you know me, Strider,” he snapped, clearly annoyed, but playing along anyway, “I was just waiting for some tall, suave stranger with a vomit-inducingly charming Southern drawl to come sweep me off my size sixes.”

Dave was blindsided by that. “…Charming?”

Karkat laughed brusquely. “Yes, Dave, in this humble spinster’s opinion a disgusting honeyed drawl is the _single_ most attractive factor a prospective partner can possess – _you know_ , since it really stokes my long-repressed desire to spoon out apple pie in a checked apron until a sun-bronzed god with arms like an MMA fighter and yet the gentle touch necessary for working with skittish horses saunters in and calls me ‘darlin’ before asking me what’s for dinner, and I reply, ‘fucking apple pie, obviously’, and then we spend the rest of the evening making sweet marital love on the kitchen floor while I still wear the apron and nothing else, _yeah,_ that idea really gets my engine revving, Dave, you know me too well, I – ” Karkat seemed to realize what he was saying suddenly – or maybe it was Dave’s pointedly raised eyebrows. He clamped his mouth shut, turning red, and finished, gruffly, “Anyway, you’re fucking late. I’ve been waiting for you.”

 

Dave laughed, glad Karkat had been considerate enough to get himself all worked up since had given him the chance to school his reaction to hearing his accent sincerely described as _charming._ “No, by all means, keep composing your erotic fanfiction out loud, don’t let me stop you.”

“Don’t be a shit,” Karkat snarled. “Where have you been all this time?”

“Also, apple pie for dinner? That can’t be healthy. I mean, you know I love me some apples, but…”

Now Karkat whirled around to fully face him, scowling and lovely. _Is he – is he wearing eyeliner?_ “Wow, good thing that was a fictional scenario and we’re not actually a married couple with a fulfilling sex life living on a horse ranch in central Georgia! If we _were_ you might have some say in whether or not I serve you up dessert foods and nothing else at 6pm. In fact, you know what, when I write up the final version of my ‘erotic fanfiction’, I’ll be sure to email you a draft copy so you can put your oh-so-helpful and unfortunately plentiful feedback to good use. Now! Answer my fucking question. _Where have you been_.” Before Dave could reply, Karkat added, nastily, “Also, who ever said the charming southerner was supposed to be _you_? He was a hypothetical.” 

Dave chose to ignore the last part, sensing it might start up that line of conversation again. _Don’t joke around about being a married couple. Don’t think about marrying him. You’re not even dating. Don’t wonder if the two of you would adopt a dog together. Definitely don’t start coming up with names for that dog. He’s mad at you right now, and also you’re not even dating._ “Why does it matter where I was? I’m here now.”

“Yeah? Now? After I’ve been standing by this punch bowl watching people try and grind on each other to the dulcet tones of Mambo No. 5 for over an hour?”

“You didn’t have to do that.” It was a fair point, Dave knew, so he couldn’t figure out why it felt like a betrayal to say out loud. _Neither of us ever asked the other to go to this thing together. We had no prior arrangements. I didn’t even tell him I would be coming. So why is he acting like we –_

Clearly Karkat felt the same way about the betrayal thing, though, because his face changed, and so did the air around him.

“Oh _didn’t_ I?” he hissed, voice a dangerous combination of pissed and hurt and disappointed and _exasperated_ , as if Dave had just said something he had totally been expecting the whole time he was standing there waiting but still not looking forward to, and then the two of them stared at one another in silence for a long moment.

 

Dave was first to break it by looking away. _Weird. That was weird. Hope he didn’t notice how I – how my heart skipped a fucking –_ “Look, you could’ve gone and hung out with anyone you liked. I’m sure there are a solid handful of people in this room who would’ve put up with your company for an hour and a half, especially since it’s not like you didn’t have folks falling over themselves to ask you to be their fucking _date_ to this thing over the past week. Meenah, and – ” he stopped himself just in time to remember that he wasn’t supposed to know about Nepeta.  “… and Eridan,” he finished up lamely, since that was a safe bet.

“I know what you’re doing, you know,” Karkat replied, squinting at him, arms still folded.

“Do you?” Dave internally panicked at Karkat’s searching look. _What does he mean by that. How does he know what I’m doing. I don’t even know what I’m doing._

But Karkat had apparently moved on. “And I also know that you were there when Nepeta asked me, so you don’t have to pretend like you weren’t. Like there’s any point in lying to me, anyway.”

“You… what.” Dave immediately forgot about the mystery of _I know what you’re doing_. “…Wait, what do you mean, you – ”

 

“So, anyway, is this suddenly the bachelor’s table now?” Karkat said, cutting Dave off to gesture around himself with a sarcastic smile. Dave now noticed that they were the only two people not on the dancefloor, and that the others were giving them a wide berth. He thought he saw Jade shoot him a worried look from where she was twirling Nepeta in a clumsy circle. “Designated area for moaning about your barren wasteland of a love life even though it was entirely your decision to keep it that way? Well, I’ve got good news, Dave: there’s two of us at this here bachelor’s table, and that’s an even _fucking_ number.”

Dave was still so confused he couldn’t even process that. He was looking at Jade and Nepeta, eyebrows twisted together in confusion. “Karkat, what do you mean you knew I was there?”

Karkat glared at him. “I’m trying to ask you to dance, asshole.”

“I don’t want to dance, I want you to answer my fucking question.”

“Wow, déjà vu!” Karkat snapped, throwing his hands up. But then he sighed and said, “Look, of _course_ I could tell you were there when Nepeta called me out to the beach. I could hear your emotions from a mile away.”

“But I was – but I _was_ miles away. You’ve never been able to sense people from that distance – ”

“Well I can, with you! Either you’re very emotionally noisy or I’m very good at listening for your particular brand of noisiness or both. Look, I don’t fucking know, I just could tell you were there, what do you want me to say?”

“Noisy,” Dave repeated, mystified. "What the hell. That can’t be true. I’m not noisy." He stared down at his hands, trying to figure everything out, while his mouth went stupidly ahead without his permission. “Actually, one time Terezi told me my mind was really blank. Like vanilla ice cream, or something.”

Karkat snorted. “Well, your _mind_ might be blank, but trust me, you have very busy emotions.”

They were both leaning against the table now, side to side. Dave realized that their shoulders were touching because they usually gravitated towards each other even when they were arguing at the same moment he realized, _it’s only with him that my emotions are noisy because he’s the only person I feel this much around. It’s only Karkat._

 

He quickly pushed off from the table, breaking the contact. Even though they were both wearing suit jackets, that one spot on his shoulder burned like it had been under a magnifying glass.

“I’m going to go dance,” Dave had already blurted out, taking two hasty steps backwards and bumping into some unseen person, when he brought himself to look at Karkat’s expression. He was just as red as Dave knew his own face must be, and his dark, shining eyes were wide and surprised, and his mouth was open as if he had been about to say something.

_Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck don’t say something. Or do._

_Please do._

_Fuck –_

Excuse given, Dave turned and fled. He was halfway over to Jade’s group when he realized he had two left feet and had actually been planning to spend the night just leaning against the wall, and also that Karkat had asked him to dance.

 

 

Aradia and Jade were doing the macarena when he reached them. “Partying, Aradia?” he said, not joining in, dazed by the flashing lights and completely emotionally frazzled. He was ready for this thing to be over, and he had only just arrived. “Didn’t think you were the type.”

“I like loud music,” Aradia replied. “It drowns out the voices.”

 

 

Over by the punch bowl, Karkat shoved his fists into his pockets and groaned deeply, fighting the urge to curl up into a small ball on the floor and stay there forever.  “…God _fucking_ damn it.”

 

 

 

“Rose, I don’t understand how you have managed to get this drunk so early on into the night.” Kanaya said, holding her girlfriend’s hair back. “As far as I am aware, you only drank two glasses of champagne at the buffet table, which means either your tolerance has gone down considerably since we last checked, or you started drinking well before we arrived.”

Rose pulled back, spitting once more into the foliage for good measure.

“W’s nervous,” she mumbled, pulling a strand of blonde hair out of her mouth, “Didn’t want to… make an idiot of m’self.”

Kanaya rubbed her bare shoulder. “And you thought the chances of that would be _de_ creased by getting liquored up? The mathematics on that one is suspect.”

Groaning, Rose leaned her head back against Kanaya, nestling comfortably into the warm spot under her girlfriend's chin. They were huddled together on Scratch’s stone fountain, hidden amongst the still, silent flowerbeds, with the stars and moons and Alternia out bright and clear overhead. The night was cold, but windless.

“Don’ be mad at me,” she said.

“I’m not mad,” Kanaya assured, pushing the hair off Rose’s forehead. “Well. Provided this doesn’t become a pattern again, of course.”

Rose groaned again, deeper and louder, and then bent away to vomit for a second time. When she was done, she hauled herself up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, and grinned at Kanaya.

“But hhhey,” she said shakily, indicating to their surroundings. “At least you… fell for my trap, y'know?”

“Oh? Trap?” Kanaya said, reaching out to support her in the small of her back as she stumbled to her feet. The hem of her sleek purple dress was all rucked up, and Kanaya reached over to fix it, but Rose batted her away and staggered over to some hydrangea bushes nearby. Then she fell to her hands and knees in the dirt – to be sick again, Kanaya thought at first, but then it seemed more like she was searching around in the undergrowth.

Eventually, she pulled out something that had been hidden there. A black case.

 

“What on earth are you doing,” Kanaya said as Rose stepped up onto the highest stone of the fountain, extracted an expensive-looking violin from the case, and began plucking the strings, humming to herself in concentration.

“Uhm, serenading you, obviousssly,” Rose said smugly. “Just like I _planned_ to do.”

Then, when she reached down to pick up the bow, she lost her balance and toppled backwards into the fountain. Kanaya, who had reached up and grabbed the embroidered hem of her skirt to steady her, came along too.

 

 

Porrim and Aranea broke off from their makeout session in the rose bushes at the sound of two yells and one loud splash.

“What on earth was that?” Aranea asked, panting, glasses askew.

“Who cares,” Porrim said, and pulled her back in.

 

 

 

Dave lasted exactly two songs on the dancefloor, and then Equius lifted Nepeta like it was Dirty Dancing and he had to call it quits. He pushed through the crowd until he reached the DJ booth and accosted the tiny woman standing behind the sound system.

“Listen, Ms Paint, I love you and you’re perfect and have never done anything wrong and all, but if I have to hear another Sugar Ray song I’m gonna blow several fuses. Probably in the speakers. And then nobody will have any fun, and we’ll all have to go to bed, and it’s not even 10pm yet.”

“Dave?” Ms Paint turned, pulling up one side of the headphones she had been wearing over her headscarf. "Is something wrong with my music choices?" She looked crestfallen at the idea.

“Uh – no – well – ” He spotted the screen of the laptop in front of her, where a playlist called ‘Fun Clean 90s Hits for Middle School Discos’ was displayed. “Man. You didn’t even try, huh?”

“I’m sorry. I really don’t know much about what’s popular with the kids these days.”

Dave leaned over and scrolled through. _Spice Girls, Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls._ “Yeah, damn, you really don’t. When’s the last time you even went back to Earth?”

Ms Paint’s face twisted up, and then transformed into puzzlement. “I don’t… know?” she said hesitantly.

Dave looked around. As they had been talking, the dispute between Damara and Meenah had evolved into a full-on brawl, and Vriska had somehow gotten involved. “Listen, I’ve got the music. How about you go chaperone some people?”

Quizzical, Ms Paint followed his gaze and gasped in horror. “Oh my goodness! Children! Don’t fight!”

She pulled off the headphones and pressed them into his hands, then scrambled out of the booth to go help Redglare deal with the fight, which seemed to be rapidly sucking people in like it possessed a magnetic field. Dave spotted Equius muscling his way over, doubly sweaty, biceps bulging, and was satisfied that the thing would get broken up soon enough.

He ducked over the table, slipped the headphones on, and started composing his own playlist. Somehow, he managed to resist the urge to look up and search for a head of dark curls in the crowd, even though that was what every cell in his body was dying to do.

 

 

 

Outside, broken remains of a violin laying forgotten under a foot of water, Rose suddenly jerked her mouth away from where it had been preoccupied leaving black lipstick marks on Kanaya’s neck as it felt like a pulse of electricity went through her. And not the good kind.

The other girl must have felt it, too, because she asked, “Um. What was that?” with wide, worried eyes. She looked lovely, hair a mess from Rose’s fingers, shivering in her thin silk dress, both of them still knee-deep in the fountain.

Rose looked down at her hands. They still seemed to be fizzling with some kind of green energy, but it faded before she could get a good look at it. The inside of her head felt strange, too, as if a door had opened somewhere and let a draft in.

She pulled away from Kanaya, filled with the sudden strange conviction that the two of them were being watched from afar. But, looking around the garden and grounds, there was no sign of the expected little white figure in a suit. Just them and the stars.

“….I don’t know,” she replied quietly.

 

 

 

Not long after Dave had taken the DJ table and queued up seventeen remixes of ABBA’s greatest hits, Vriska slinked over and sat on the desk right in front of him, grinning. She had a bruised eye and her dress was hanging off one shoulder, and there was the distinctive Peixes shade of magenta lipstick smeared all over her mouth, which might have explained why Terezi had been drinking in the corner with Roxy all night.

“Hey Dave!” she yelled over the sound of the music, even though he was right there. “I just want to let you know how disappointed we all were when the threads went down. I thought I was going to rake in insane iLoot off you and Karkat for sure!”

“Good for you the thing crashed, then,” Dave replied, not bothering to lift his headphones. “Because Vantas and I are both riding solo tonight, and every night for the foreseeable future.”

There was an awkward pause. Dave continued working, refusing to continue that conversation, and Vriska swivelled to watch the dancefloor for a moment. Eridan and Sollux were either doing a terrible job at a slow dance or trying to wrestle one another to the ground. Feferi, dead drunk, had Aradia propping her up on one side and Nepeta on the other, while Jade tried to pour bottled water into her mouth. Meenah and Damara had been dragged to separate ends of the room and were being held there by a teacher each. Meenah was triumphantly holding one of Damara’s hair chopsticks, and Damara was holding one of Meenah’s braids.

 

“I don’t know why you’re hesitating,” Vriska said, smirking as she watched Meenah tauntingly wave the chopstick in the air. “This might be your last chance, you know? The _rest_ of us are throwing caution to the wind tonight – it’s like, the perfect excuse.”

“Yeah, sure, Vriska,” Dave said doubtfully. He wasn’t completely sure that she had this ‘throw caution to the wind’ shit figured out for herself when she had spent the whole night shooting angry glances in Terezi’s direction whenever she thought the other girl wasn’t looking. Terezi and Roxy had disappeared from the room now, and it seemed to have thrown her off her stride. She was trying to pretend she wasn’t frantically looking for them.

“It’s not like Karkat’s going to say no, you know?” Vriska went on, leaning even further over, so Dave got a better view of her disastrous eyeshadow and freshly-dyed head of frazzled blue hair than he had ever asked for. “He’s head over heels for you.”

Dave swallowed his heart back down. “Karkat’s head over heels for pretty much everybody who talks to him more than once.” His voice came out steadier than he expected, and he hoped whatever stutter remained was masked by the loud music.

Vriska pulled back, satisfied, anyway. _Damn it._ “Nope! Mostly just you.”

 

Instead of responding to that taunt, Dave kept his mouth clamped shut, determined that he wouldn’t give away any more of his feelings than he already had. _She’s Vriska Serket. She’s not my therapist. In fact, she’s the last person you want to know anything about you. And also she almost always has no idea what she’s talking about. So don’t let her get your hopes up. And don’t let her convince you it would be a good idea to –_

“Whatever,” Vriska said eventually, stepping back from the DJ table with an exaggerated sigh. “It’s really not any of my business what’s happening between you and Karkat. And for the record, whatever it is, I think it’s _totally_ adorable.”

“Well thanks Vriska,” Dave said flatly. “That’s something I really needed to hear from you.”

"You’re _so_ welcome!" she grinned. "Anyway, you better hurry up, though. Since it's pretty likely we'll all be dead in a month's time!"

With that said, she ducked back into the fray, reappearing on the other side of the room to sling an arm around Meenah’s shoulders and join in on yelling insults to Damara.

 

Caught off-guard by the abrupt ending to the encounter, Dave’s attention slid slightly away from the pair, and he unintentionally locked eyes with Karkat through the crowd.

 

At some point, Jade had obviously pulled him up to dance with the rest of them, and he now had Feferi draped over one shoulder and her fancy glittery tiara balanced on his head. His hair was sweaty and his top button was undone and he had been in the middle of laughing at something Jade was saying, sharp teeth on display, but the smile went from his face once his eyes met Dave’s.

 

Something passed between them, invisible. Peter Gabriel started playing.

_Why did I think it would be funny to put that on the fucking playlist._

This time, Karkat was the one to turn away. _Shit. Fuck. Shit. Look back over here, Karkat, please._

 

 

Someone was jostling his shoulder. “Dave, thank you _so much_ for holding the fort for me, but that little tiff is all sorted out now, so you can go enjoy yourself with the rest of – ”

Dave had taken the headphones off and slotted them back on Ms Paint’s head before she had the chance to finish her sentence. Then he fled the room via the back exit like the coward he was.

 

 

He found Roxy and Terezi on the terrace.

“Hey,” he said, shuffling out onto the step. “Room for one more?”

 

Roxy looked up. Her pink eyes were bleary, and she was swaying even though she was sitting down. Terezi was collapsed across her lap, fast asleep with her mouth open and drool running down one side of her chin. They were both dressed in faded Game of Thrones t-shirts.

 _I guess she got changed out of that dress._ He thought about Dirk, up in his room with Horuss. _God we really are all such messes._

“Dave!” Roxy said, mouth splitting into a grin as she registered who it was. “What’s up?”

Dave whistled lowly. “Wow, you are completely wasted.”

“Nonnnsense!” Roxy protested, leaning back against the wall for stability. “C’mon, sit down. Pull up a seat!”

While she was busy chuckling too hard at her own joke, Dave looked briefly back through the dark outline of the entryway to the sea of roiling bodies inside. He pulled the door shut, muffling the music behind him, and sat down beside Roxy.

 

The sudden quiet of the night was startling after being surrounded by pounding beats for a good hour. Usually, on Earth, there would be the sound of night insects to accompany the quiet expanse of lawn fading away into darkness where the flickering candlelight from the wall sconces ended, but here there was nothing. There weren’t even any spiders on the wooden roof beams above.

Roxy patted Dave's knee clumsily, but sincerely. “Somethin’s wrong, isn’t it?” she managed to slur out. “Go on, tell momma Roxy! I won’t be able to fix anything, but I can sure as hell listen.”

 _She’s drunk. She might not even remember it in the morning,_ Dave’s mind supplied.

Apparently, that was all the encouragement to blurt out his deepest secret: “I’m in love with Karkat.”

“Ah,” Roxy said, nodding her head sagely. She held out an arm and he shuffled closer, resisting the invitation to curl into her side. Nonetheless, she reached out and patted his hair fondly, Terezi stirring slightly in her lap. “So now the truth comes out. At last.”

“I have been for so long,” Dave added, hating the desperation in his own voice. “It sucks.”

“I know, I know,” Roxy said soothingly, continuing to pat his hair.

“No, you don’t get it,” Dave insisted. “I’m so – it’s _so_ bad.”

“Yep. Love sucks.”

“No – I don’t mean love sucks – I mean _I’ve_ got it so bad. And I don’t think anyone understands quite how bad I’ve got it. Except maybe possibly Karkat himself, which is so embarrassing that I want to go bury myself in the sand and sprout roots and form an ecosystem and never see a human face again.” He dropped his head onto his tucked-up knees, interrupting Roxy’s head pats. “And I thought it would go away, or maybe get better, but it didn’t, it got worse, and I think it’s only going to get worse from here on out, too, and this is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. And now I’m fucked.”

“That’s the plan!” Roxy quietened down laughing when it became clear that Dave hadn’t found her joke funny. She sniffed, then straightened up, and seemed to rack her brain for a second. When she spoke again, it was as though she was making an effort to sound soberer. “Hey, Dave, not for nothing, but now is considered, like, the most _totally normal_ time for sexy experimentations. I don’t think you need to worry too much.” 

“No! God, I mean, if it were just that it would be one thing. I think I’d be able to deal with just that easier. You know. Jacking each other off after we both watched that one scene in There’s Something About Mary where Cameron Diaz gets her nipples out.”

“Hm.” Roxy said. “Gross!”

“But…” Struggling to find the words to explain himself, Dave slammed his forehead down onto his knees, sending his shades clattering down onto the flagstones. “Stupid, this is _stupid_ , Roxy, these are the dumbest fucking feelings.”

After taking another long swig from the bottle, she cocked her head curiously. “Stupid? What kinda stupid?”

“I like it when he laughs,” Dave said miserably.

Roxy set the bottle down on the ground. “Oh, come onnnn, Dave,” she sighed. “Simple question, simple answer! What _kind_ of feelings?”

A moment passed. Dave lifted his face from his knees and stared at the planets hanging low in the sky. Over on one side of the lawn, there were figures moving about in the rose garden – people who had snuck out of the dance and were wandering around the grounds, including a pair who seemed to be climbing out of the fountain. Dave was hardly aware of them, though, because he was too busy being acutely aware of the location of the one person he both really wanted to talk to and really didn’t want to talk to right now.

_He’s inside. He’s back inside and I think he’s mad at me but that’s not unusual and I want to be with him forever._

“Like. You know,” he said awkwardly. “Of the marriage variety.”

 

Roxy started laughing uncontrollably.

“Ohmygod…” she managed to stutter out after a time, wiping tears from under her eyes with the heel of her hand before dissolving into laughter again. “You are _unreal_ , D-stri!”

“Uh,” Dave said, not knowing what to do. “…What’s that supposed to mean?”

He never got an answer, because once the laughter stopped he looked over to find that she had also passed out, head drooped over Terezi.

_Great. Thanks, mom. That was exactly the encouragement I needed._

He stood up, looking down at them, chewing on his lower lip. Even though she hadn’t offered anything in the way of advice, saying it out loud – even to his drunken biological teen mom and an unconscious ex – had changed things. Now he was both tired and filled with energy at the same time.

_I can’t do this anymore. It’s draining and dumb as hell and even if it’s a bad idea, it’s a bad idea I’m going to have to dive into headfirst because it’s clear there isn’t a single other option on this mess of a table._

_Alright. I’m gonna go tell him._

He took the bottle away from Roxy before he left, and dumped it in the bushes.

 

 

 

The dancefloor was thinning out inside, with only Jade and her cheesy friends still actually dancing. John spotted him, mid-groove, and tried to wave him over, but Dave shook his head.

_Sorry, bro. Man on a mission here._

His heart was beating too fast. Re-entering the ballroom – its spinning multi-colored lights making his lightheaded nervousness worse – felt like he had stepped into the middle of a fever dream. And Karkat was nowhere to be found.

Except – there he was, over by the DJ booth, leaning up against a speaker with one arm around Eridan. It looked like Eridan was whining about something, and Karkat was listening, but he looked mostly unsympathetic. His dark eyebrows were drawn together. He had ditched his suit jacket at some point in the night, and his shirt was still tucked in, but only on one side.

 

As if he could sense Dave’s gaze on him, he looked up.

 

And, in a single split second, Dave suddenly knew. It hit him dead in the chest with the force of a truck. And maybe the emotion was the same color, but it was far too sudden to be just his own, and there was only one explanation that made sense. And Karkat was looking at him.

 

 

_God, I am. Wow. Uh. That’s a lot._

 

He had been walking before, but now he had stopped. 

 

_This is a lot. This is a lot._

 

 _He loves me back._

_He actually…_

 

 

_Um. Wait. I don’t know if I can handle this._

 

 

Karkat’s eyes narrowed. Dave took a step back.

 

_That is… those are some seriously overwhelming feelings. Oh my god. What do I do. This is a hell of a lot to take in at once. He’s looking at me, and he likes me back, and he’s letting me feel it, and that means he knows, and this is the best moment of my life, and I am going to mess this up. I am going to hurt him. I really don’t know if I’m the type of guy who’s strong enough to deal with this kind of –_

While Dave was halfway to taking another step back, Karkat shoved Eridan off him and got to his feet. Dave panicked, and then didn’t, because Karkat had turned in the other direction, and then he did again because Karkat was climbing up and over into the DJ booth and was grabbing a microphone.

 

There was a squeal of feedback, and then -

“Hey, everyone – friends, mortal enemies, those who I merely tolerate – would you do me the favor of putting your grinding sessions on pause, and lend me your acoustic organs for just one _hot_ second? Because I have an announcement to make. With regards to one Dave Strider.”

 

 

The music had stopped. Everyone’s stares were split between the two boys. Most were already wearing excited grins. Meulin had both hands firmly pressed over her mouth. Vriska had a hand pressed over her mouth, too, but to stifle her laughter.

Dave had frozen completely. _Oh no. Oh fuck no._

Karkat took a deep breath, very audible through the mic. “Dave, I – ”

 

Dave panicked. He flash-stepped over to the sound system, clicked the first song he saw in the sidebar, cranked the volume up to full, then hit play.

“ _Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo Number Five – ”_

 

By the time people started yelling in agony, hands covering their ears, he was already gone.

The night petered out. The rest of the excitement was reported via gossip throughout the early hours of the next morning. Porrim ended up with all skin not covered by a tattoo covered by a hickey. Eridan and Sollux woke up in the same bed – Tavros’s – and neither of them could remember how they got there but both of them agreed that they never wanted to find out. After a brief altercation, Cronus was stabbed in the thigh with a pair of craft scissors wielded by Meenah, and Jane was called in to fix him up but refused to continue after he tried to use the wound as an excuse to strip naked. Terezi awoke from her drunken stupor, broke into Snowman’s office, and de-alphabetized everything as an act of symbolic rebellion. Gamzee didn’t show.

 

Rose only arrived back at her own bed at eight in the morning, and when she did, she found Dave already occupying it, face buried in the pillow.

“I heard what you did,” she said, moving over to the wardrobe to pick out clothes that weren’t a sopping wet evening gown. Her eyes were darl “That wasn’t very mature.”

Dave didn’t pull his face out of the pillow to reply. “I’m so fucked. I’m so fucked.”

“Not especially,” Rose said, pulling a knitted sweater over her head. To her surprise, when she turned to look at Dave, he had rolled onto his back and was staring up at the ceiling with the biggest, goofiest grin on his face.

“I’m so fucked,” he repeated desperately. And then, as if changing the subject: “ _He likes me back.”_

“Yes,” Rose said. “We’re all very surprised.” Instead of responding to that, he laughed frantically, still looking upwards with blank eyes, so she added, “If you’re planning on using mine, I’ll go sleep in your bed, if that’s alright. You know I’d love to stay and hash this very shocking development out with you, but I’m tired and I had a long night. So. _Adieu_.”

She shut the door behind her, and left Dave there trying to decide if he was going to laugh or cry.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s already in the tags but I just want to reiterate in case anyone missed it: **THIS FIC HAS A WARNING FOR CHARACTER DEATH**

Dave woke up disoriented and wondering why his room was so full of unspooled balls of yarn and liquor bottles until he rolled over and spotted Aradia, Jade and Nepeta all fast asleep in a nest of blankets on the other bed and remembered.

 

Then, before he could roll back over and fall asleep again, he remembered everything else. Karkat with the microphone, and, before that, a sudden hot rush of red emotion filling his chest until it felt like it was going to brim over, and after both those things, Mambo No. 5 playing earsplittingly loudly.

 

 _Oh god,_ Dave thought, his half-asleep head now filled with Karkat. _There really is no going back after that._

_So._

_Today’s the big day, then. Or maybe yesterday was the big day actually. Since now he already knows the whole In Love With Him business and today all I really have to do is deal with the fallout. Which is. Uh. Easier said than done._

_But still. The cat’s out of the bag. I went to dramatically rip open the bag but then lost my damn nerve and shut it again at the last second but it didn’t matter because the cat had already tunnelled out the bottom somehow using its claws or whatever and now it’s running around knocking shit off shelves and I might as well take credit for letting it out since there’s no earthly way I’m going to be able to get it back into the bag without getting my ankles shredded the hell up by this feisty fucking demon of a cat._

 

_Shit. I’m really going to have to have a serious conversation with him, aren’t I?_

 

Dave lay there, staring at the ceiling. The idea was horrifying.

_That went so well last time._

_Man, he must be so pissed that I chickened out, too._

_Twice._ _Twice in ten minutes._

_I suck._

 

It was around midday, judging by the light, but the school was uncharacteristically still. Normally by this time someone would be yelling in the corridor or stomping about downstairs, but it looked like most people had opted for a later start than usual.

_Unsurprising. Since it seemed like most people who weren’t blind drunk either got into a fistfight or danced the macarena so hard their elbows are probably going to be out of commission for the next few days._

Not wanting to wake the girls – who must have gotten to sleep even later than him – Dave paused time before hauling himself off Rose’s bed, smoothing down his fucked-up dress shirt, and scooting out the door.

 

As he moved through the time-frozen corridors, trying to figure out where he could get something to eat, a scene in the central wing made him stop walking. Ms Paint was standing outside Doc Scratch’s office, caught in the act of nailing something onto the door.  

When he stepped closer, he realized it was a one-page calendar, showing only a single month. The perfectly-synched internal clock that always ticked inside him –  _one of the more useless aspects of my time powers –_ confirmed that today was, indeed, the first of the month. At least, back on Earth.

He stood and watched Ms Paint for a second before realizing she probably wasn’t going to do anything interesting any time soon, and wandered on.

 

– then nearly jumped out of his skin, because just around the next corner was Karkat.

 

 

He was so surprised he even accidentally unfroze time. Karkat immediately spotted him.

“Hey!”

 

_Shit._

In a blind panic, Dave flash-stepped back the way he had come, almost making Ms Paint hammer her own thumb in fright.

 

 _What’s he doing awake?_ Dave frantically wondered, quickly catching the calendar before it hit the ground and handing it back to her. His eyes flew around the corridor, waiting anxiously for Karkat to appear, as Ms Paint gawped at him. _He wasn’t supposed to be awake yet. I don’t know why he wasn’t, just in my mind that was how it was. I guess he didn’t have anything to drink last night and also I don’t think he danced much so there would be no reason_   _for him to still be in bed but I guess I just thought for my own emotional sake that would be a thing that would happen._

 

“Dave!” Karkat fumed, rounding the corner and glaring at him. Dave flash-stepped away again – this time up the staircase, towards the dorms. He heard Karkat groan, distant.

“Are you  _five_?” he yelled across the building – probably waking a few people up, judging by the sound of disgruntled fists reaching up to bang on the walls – and started thundering up the stairs after Dave, who had already darted off again in the direction of the attic.

“Yeah,” Dave called back, to disguise the fact that his heart was pounding. “I’m only a baby, please don’t come near me.”

“Oh, once I finally get my hands on you, I’m going to turn your skull into a  _drinking cup_  – ”

“ – Sorry, I can’t understand you, I’m just a baby – ”

 

Dave reached the top of the ladder and hauled himself up in among the piles of boxes, disturbing a few. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered why he wasn’t just stopping time completely, jogging out to the most distant part of the green moon, and waiting until the other boy gave up looking for him. Just then he was well aware he could’ve easily gotten away from Karkat if he really wanted to.

_So why aren’t I._

It was too late to think about that. Karkat’s mess of curls had appeared at the top of the ladder, and then his patented death-glare, and now he had managed to trap himself in the attic with his best friend and the love of his life. He stood immobile while Karkat stepped off the ladder, shut the hatch, and straightened up.

 

Just to be a dickhead, Dave flash-stepped over to the other side of the narrow room, behind a wall of boxes. 

 

Karkat yelled out, “Dave, seriously, this isn’t funny!”

 

“It kind of is, though,” Dave replied, but he stopped using his powers and waited for Karkat to catch up with him. When he did at last appear around the corner, slightly out of breath and red-cheeked, Dave was able to fully appreciate for the first time that he definitely  _had_ been wearing eyeliner the night before, because it was now horribly smudged all over his eye sockets. Either he had slept without taking it off, or he had cried horribly at some point.

That last possibility made Dave feel like absolute dogshit. He tried to telepathically communicate just how sorry he was if that was the case.

Karkat raised an eyebrow at him.

 _Oh boy._ Dave cleared his throat, embarrassed. “So.”

“So?”

“Yeah. So.”

“ _So,_ I’m actually going to knock your head clean off your shoulders if you don’t start explaining yourself in the next ten seconds,” Karkat snapped. “And believe me, I’ll do something _much_ worse if you try using your fucking time powers again. You’ve been leading me around by the nose for the past god knows how many months and I’ve been putting up with it with the patience of a fucking martyr – dipping into reserves of patience that, generally speaking,  _I don’t fucking possess_ – and then, _just_  when I think you’re finally going to pull your head out of your ass and properly face up to the thing that is blatantly happening right in front of both of our fucking eyeballs, you run away. So I think  _fine,_ and I decide I’ve had enough of you running away, and I’m going to do something about it myself just to save you from floundering for all eternity. And then when I  _do_ you just – you just fucking run away again, and make me look like a massive asshole in the process! Look, I know it sucks and is awkward for us both that my powers mean I have been kind of accidentally unwillingly always listening in on your feelings even when you’re desperately busy trying to sort them out for yourself – ” Dave flinched, but Karkat went on, “ – but you didn’t have to fucking treat me like that, Dave!”

 

 _He’s right,_ Dave thought guiltily. _I mean, Karkat should probably have figured out by now that I’m not exactly the kind of man who can stand getting hit with the most public of confessions, but still._

_I bet everyone knew what he was about to say before I ran off. I bet they mocked the hell out of him for it._

_…Or maybe he ran away before anyone even got the chance to. That idea is actually worse, kind of._

“I left right after you did that shit with the sound system,” Karkat replied, as if he knew what Dave had been wondering. “Funnily enough, I wasn’t really in the mood for partying after that. Not that I ever am.”

Dave swallowed. “I’m sorry. Last night was – ugh. Seriously.” He raked a hand through his hair, stressed. Part of him still couldn’t believe that this conversation was actually happening, that Karkat had just implied he had known for a while about his crush, and also that it was mutual.

 _I kind of thought I would have more time to prepare myself for this to be honest. Come up with something to actually say. It’s not like either of us really expect me to be Shakespeare himself but when and if I did finally tell him I wanted it to be – nice. I wanted to come up with a way to tell him that would make him smile. It seems like he’s only ever been looking disappointed around me recently._  

Dave cleared his throat, pinned under Karkat’s expectant gaze, and managed to get out, “I’m just – I’m sorry for everything, I swear I am, but you’ve just got to do me a solid and understand that I am not emotionally ready to have this conversation at this hour of the morning.”

“Really? Then when  _will_ you be ready, Dave? Tell me that.” Karkat had his arms folded tightly over his chest. Another thing Dave couldn’t believe was that this conversation was taking place in a dingy subsection of the attic so dark he could hardly even make out the other boy’s expression. “Tell me, and I’ll wait – I swearI will – but you’ve got to promise me that we  _will_ have this conversation at some fucking point because otherwise I’m going to drive myself completely nuts with thinking that maybe I’ve got everything ass-backwards and I’m convincing myself of stuff that isn’t true.”

And, even after half a year of avoidance and denial, and despite how terrified he still was of finally telling the truth, Dave couldn’t bring himself to go on letting Karkat believe that. “I. Uh. You’re… not.”

“I’m not?” Voice tinged with hope, Karkat took a step towards him. Dave wished he could see his face properly. “So. You…?”

“I – God.” Dave had to hold himself back from taking a step away.  _It’s not a bad thing. You don’t have to freak out about him getting close to you. It sounds like he’s got you figured out anyway._  “…We’re going to have this conversation anyway, aren’t we?”

“This is a mess,” Karkat said instead of answering, in that tone of his that usually preceded a rant, “just a fucking _mess_ , to be honest, but I’m not going to try and solve it by ignoring it anymore. Because it’s  _clearly_  up to me to be the bigger person here. I don’t have to be an empath to recognize that you’re harboring some serious  _emotions_ over me, and I – ”

Dave felt just about ready to die.  _“Emotions,_ god, dude, could you have made it sound any lamer – ”

Karkat hit him on the shoulder. He was close enough to do that now. “Shut up! Look, at least  _one_ of us likes the other, that’s for fucking sure, and at this point I’m not sure if it’s me or you or both of us radiating, and how much, but it’s very fucking obvious that there’s at least  _something_ there from you. Something that’s at  _least_  significant enough for you start consistently avoiding me like a big asshole. And I don’t want to force you to, like, date me if that’s not something you want, but this  _thing_  has been taking a hot steaming dump all over our friendship and I’m kind of sick of it, so to be honest what we  _really_ need is to clear the air and sort out whatever the hell is going on here.” He laughed like a thought had just occurred to him, and then smiled bitterly. “You know what, for the first time ever, I think it’s probably actually a  _good_  thing I’m an empath. If I weren’t, I bet we would’ve just tiptoed around this whole thing forever in an elaborate ballet of cowardice and blue balls – ”

 

“ _Okay,”_ Dave burst out, the nervous tension inside him snapping. “Okay,  _god,_ you’ve figured me out. I’ve liked you for a while now.”

 

“You – ” For someone who must have already known that, Karkat looked stunned. He cleared his throat, and then his gaze lowered until he was staring determinedly into a distant corner somewhere over Dave’s shoulder.

 

“ – But that doesn’t mean I think it would be a good idea for us to date,” Dave added hastily, to cover up his embarrassment at the sight of Karkat’s steadily-reddening face. “Yeah, don’t get me wrong, most of why I’ve been running in circles trying to avoid having this conversation with you has been because I’m pretty much too chickenshit to function, you’re totally right on that front, but I also didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to get your hopes up about us becoming. You know.” He almost left it there, but then he figured he had been a coward for long enough. “Boyfriends.” 

_Wow. Okay. So. That word sure is out there._

“…Why not?” said Karkat, arms folded more tightly than ever.

“Because I’m not a serious dating person. I would make a mess of it, and probably hurt your feelings – ”

“Oh come  _on.”_

Dave was wounded by that dismissal. “What, you think I  _wouldn’t_ end up hurting your feelings? I’m good at that, you know I’m good at that, I’ve done it before!”

“Everyone’s good at that, Dave! It’s not hard! I’ve got a lot of fucking feelings to hurt!”

After letting out a long exhalation, Karkat shook his head. Strangely, he looked as if something had been lifted off him.

“I’m gonna be honest, I was really ready to be mad at you, but now I’m just impressed at the stupidity of your reasoning,” he said, the sides of his mouth almost pulling up. “Also, I’m not buying it. Come up with a better excuse, and maybe I’ll back down on this, but as it stands, I’m  _not fucking buying it._ I’m putting my credit card back in my wallet, and throwing my wallet into a sewer. I’m boycotting your garbage store.”

“…What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I think you’re full of shit!” Karkat snapped. “And I’m not going to  _not_ date you just because you spouted an excuse as terrible as that one!”

 _How the fuck did we end up here._ “So what? Is this you announcing that we’re officially datinguntil I can come up with a valid excuse for us to not date?” Dave said, trying to ignore the way his pulse picked up when he said the word ‘date’. “You can’t just  _do_ that, dude, it’s not how it works. This is supposed to be a mutual decision.”

Karkat threw his hands out. “Well, from the sound of things, youwant to date me, and  _obviously_ I want to date you. So you tell me exactly where the complicated part of this equation is, Dave, and I’ll call off the whole business!”

 

_I never thought we’d reach the day when Karkat starts talking some real sense._ Dave stared at the boy standing opposite him with his hands outstretched. He had no idea what to do. He wanted to sweep him up into a hug. He wanted to run away.

 

Instead he dropped into a squat, running a hand through his hair again.

“Okay. Okay. Whatever, we’ll try… something,” he said to the ground.

 _“Something,”_ Karkat repeated, crouching down close beside him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the other boy watching him intently. “Yeah. But is it okay if we keep it on the DL for now? This is all kind of overwhelming.”

Karkat patted his shoulder. “Obviously that’s fine,” he said. “It’s not like having everyone else poking their noses in would be especially enjoyable for me, either.”

The hand stilled, but didn’t lift. It was warm.

 

Quiet filled the attic. The only sound was Karkat’s breathing, right next to him.

_What now._

 

“…Uh. So. What now?” He asked aloud, suddenly unable to think about anything except what had happened last time they were in the attic together. “Should we kiss again,” he said, before he had a chance to think about it.

Karkat snorted. “Oh, come on. If you have to ask, you should know the answer.”

 

 _Is that. A no?_ When he dared to peek, Karkat was looking at him with flattened brows.  _I guess it is._

 

“Right, well, I’m… I’ve got a lot of shit to think about. I think.” Dave said. The tiredness had suddenly caught up with him. He realized now he had been half-awake through night, worrying in between dreams. “I’m going back to bed.”

“Yeah. Me too. Probably.”

Dave stood up, and Karkat’s hand fell away from his shoulder. He only missed the warmth once it was gone.

 

 

 

A soft knock on the door made Kanaya look up. When the handle turned and Karkat appeared in the gap, cheeks flushed, she was very surprised. Karkat didn’t usually bother to knock, and if he did, he never did it softly.

 

She didn’t have to ask what was wrong, because he immediately came over and leaned against her side – ignoring Rose, who was fast asleep and drooling buckets on her lap – and said: “He’s such an asshole. I like him so much.”

 

“Ah.” Kanaya shifted Rose so she could use her free hand to pat Karkat’s. “I take it you found Dave, then.”

“ _Found_  him?” Karkat laughed unpleasantly, making Kanaya glance down in worry at her sleeping girlfriend. Luckily she was still out cold. “Yeah, you could say I  _found_ him. Oh, also, we’re maybe dating now.”

“Oh my God.” Kanaya hardly knew what to say. _Finally._ “…Congratulations?”

“Don’t get too overexcited about it,” Karkat snorted, fidgeting with his sweater sleeve. “Fuck knows Dave didn’t.”

“…What do you mean by that?”

“Well, the whole encounter was kind of like the emotional equivalent of getting a tooth pulled. I’m glad it’s out, and I’m glad I can finally stop constantly feeling like there’s a jackhammer located somewhere in my head. But on the other hand, I’m not exactly going to be jumping up and running a joy-marathon any time soon.”

“Could we leave the metaphors alone for now? Just so I can actually attempt to understand what is going on.”

 

Sighing deeply, Karkat pulled away from her side. “It was awkward. He seemed kind of unhappy.” He rubbed the side of his neck viciously, grimacing. “Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed him. I thought the whole will-we-won’t-we thing had been going on for long enough, but maybe he  _actually_  wasn’t ready after all – ”

“Allow me to call out your bullshit,” Kanaya interrupted, and unusually, he did, going silent and looking at her. “Recently I’ve been pondering the fact that Rose and I might very well have never gotten together if it weren’t for the forceful intervention of one glowing murderfowl which went plunging directly through my abdomen, so you’ll have to forgive me for thinking that maybe gently persuading Dave Strider into sharing a conversation with you is a forgivable crime if it means you collectively hasten your pace towards the inevitable romantic relationship we all knew you were going to enter into regardless of whether it turned out to be a good idea or not. Because I’d hate to see exactly what kind of animal would have to narrowly miss damaging  _your_  internal organs before Dave would actually acquire the courage to ask you out.” She considered that for a second, then added, “We could hold out hope it would’ve been smaller than a bird, but when you think about it statistically, not that many animals are.”

After scrubbing his hands through the mop of his hair, Karkat groaned in irritation. “Kanaya, you  _know_ I’m running on no hours of sleep. I got none of that.”

“What I mean is, the two of you had to have a talk at some point,” she clarified. “Sooner rather than later. Otherwise things would’ve just continued on the way they were.”

 

Karkat stared at her, apparently considering that. He looked like a mess. She had to hold herself back from locating a tissue and fixing up the disaster area under his eyes, because she figured he wouldn’t appreciate it in his current emotional state.

 

“You know, I’m not even sure when I started liking him,” he said, turning away and relieving Kanaya of her struggle if only momentarily. “I only knew for certain when he left our movie night to go on a date with Terezi and it felt like someone pushed me off a bridge into a pit of unrequited heartache. And then I realized it was unrequited heartache for completely the wrong person in the equation.” He folded his arms, frowning lightly. “But now, you know, I’m pretty sure it started even before that.”

“If you’ll allow me to offer my inexpert opinion, I think it was right after we visited the museum,” Kanaya said. “Do you remember how you came to me afterwards, once I was well enough to sit up? You reported every little thing Dave had told you about himself while you were partnered up on the assignment.”

 

She remembered it specifically because of how he had tried to disguise the whole thing as a rant, but then given himself away at the last minute with the toothy grin that had broken out on his face as he said, “And then he let me read his emotions, Kanaya – and  _get this,_ it turns out he’s full of shit, he’s not even one  _percent_ stoic, he’s constantly screaming on the inside even worse than I am, it was  _great – ”_

Karkat looked embarrassed. “Oh. Sorry. I probably should’ve been asking about your stomach wound, in hindsight.”

“No, it’s alright. It cheered me up a lot. And then, when we broke up for the holidays and Dave got in trouble with his guardian, you flew across the country to visit him at John’s house. Even though you hate planes.”

Karkat had his head in his hands now. “I should’ve figured it out then,” he said, voice muffled. “I do fucking hate planes.”

“Ah well,” Kanaya shrugged, managing to hold back her smile. “Does it matter exactly when it started?”

“Yes! Quite a lot, actually!”

 

Before Kanaya could ask exactly what he meant by that, Karkat had lifted his head, and was looking at Rose. Her face, which should’ve been slack with her deep sleep, was troubled. The afternoon light was falling across her eyes, coming in directly from the open window, but she hadn’t shown any sign of stirring during the conversation and she didn’t show any sign of stirring now.

 

“What’s up with her?” Karkat asked, dropping the eternal topic of Dave Strider.

Kanaya looked down at Rose, mouth twisted. “Oh, Rose… nothing. She’s been drinking again.”

 

 

 

The next time Dave and Karkat saw each other was at breakfast two mornings later. Karkat’s strange nocturnal habits and Dave’s sudden desire to go on long walks in the hills by himself meant that, without meaning to, they had missed one another for a couple of days.

Standing in the doorway of the canteen at 9am, holding his tray, Dave finally caught sight of the boy he had been thinking about during every waking hour since their conversation in the attic, and then failing to approach. Karkat was sitting alone except for Gamzee opposite, which probably explained the aloneness.

Dave’s heart fluttered. He pivoted on his heel and went to go sit with Kanaya and Rose.

 

As soon as he set his tray down, he became aware of two judgemental glares on him. One had slightly more aggressive force, because it came from his very hungover and bitter-looking sister, and also because her violet eyes were glowing with that strange green light that sometimes appeared when her powers were acting up. But Kanaya’s hurt slightly more.

“Okay, okay,” he said, picking his tray back up. “You don’t have to tell me. I know.”

 

When he reluctantly made his way over to Karkat’s table, he was faced with another glare.

“Fucker,” Karkat said accusatorily once he sat down, opposite his new boyfriend but a safe distance from Gamzee.

“Sorry,” Dave said, picking up his toast and refusing to meet Karkat’s eye. “Instinct. Y’know.”

 

He felt rather than saw Karkat’s anger fall away. When he looked up, he found Karkat watching him with one corner of his mouth pulled down.

The old familiar surge of panic swelled up at the exact same time as the swell of affection. He tried to swallow his mouthful of toast and almost choked on it in the process.

 _It feels so weird to know I don’t have to hide my feelings for him anymore. I’m not sure what to do with it._ _I keep thinking about how Bro would feel about all this._

 

Karkat was still looking at him, but now his eyebrows had curved back into their previous downwards-furrowed position. Dave was trying to figure out how he had managed to annoy him without even speaking when Karkat got up from the table and moved round to sit next to him, leaving his tray of food where it was. He grabbed Dave’s hand, which was resting on the table, and aggressively intertwined the fingers with his own.

Dave blinked down at his hand.

“Nice,” Gamzee said, eyes locked on their hands too.

“You’re okay,” Karkat said, his voice as aggressive as his hand-holding. “We’re okay, right?”

“Yeah,” Dave said eventually, around the lump in his throat. “We’re okay.”

“Nobody  _fucking_ move!”

 

Everyone moved, turning to look at whoever had just exuberantly burst through the double doors. There, framed by the crumbling wood, were Meenah and Damara, both with stances that indicated they were ready to fight, though surprisingly not with each other.

 

“What the hell,” Karkat muttered under his breath, just to Dave, leaning in from next to him. “I thought those two were enemies?”

Dave narrowly won the fight to not get distracted. “I guess Meenah dumped Vriska. Or something. Who can even keep up with that crew.”

 

Meenah marched forward, interrupting their speculation. “What the fuck is  _this!?”_

She was holding up the calendar, torn down from Scratch’s door.

“Somebody answer!” she demanded when nobody spoke. Three of the calendar squares were crossed off, now, with red pen. Dave was surprised nobody had noticed the thing sooner. He had forgotten about it completely, with everything that had happened since. 

“How the hell would we know, Meenah?” Latula said.

“Someone betta know!” Meenah whipped her head around, braids flying. Most of her accusatory attention seemed to be focussed in one place, which was the side table where the remaining teachers were sitting. True to their promise, the Summoner and the Psiioniic had disappeared on the night of the Winter Ball, leaving only six teachers in charge of the whole school. Only three had bothered to show up to breakfast that morning: Mindfang, the Darkleer, and Redglare. Dave still hadn’t seen any sign of the Handmaid. He hoped, wherever she was, she had gotten away safely.

“Someone  _does_ know,” Meenah said. Damara took the calendar from her, and let it crumple into ashes in her hand.

 

 

Redglare was the first one to stand up. “Yes,  _someone_ does know. But not here. You’re looking in the wrong place.”

“So tell me where to look,” Meenah said, walking up to her until they were dangerously close.

Redglare didn’t flinch. “Why don’t you try asking the person who put it up?”

“No, I got a better idea, why don’t you just motherfuckin’ tell me?” Meenah snarled, and grabbed onto Redglare’s right wrist. It was possible to see the shock of pain go through her, white eyes widening behind her glasses as she tried to twist away, but was held firm in Meenah’s grasp.

The Darkleer was on his feet. “What – what kind of insubordination – ”

“ _You_ shut the fuck up!” Meenah broke away and pointed at him, and he recoiled back. He was big enough that he could easily overpower any of the students, but he was looking at Meenah like she was electrified. “I’m sick of having my life played around with, an’ I’m sick of people speaking in riddles! Someone tell me what this calendar shit means!”

“Fucking leave them alone!” Karkat yelled, half out of his seat. His hand had fallen loose from Dave’s anxious grasp. “ _Stop_ it!!!”

Meenah didn’t even bother to look over when she said, “Pipe down over there, shouty no-talent!”

Karkat looked shocked enough that he was either going to sink back down into his seat or explode into a furious sermon, when Latula said, “You know he’s right, Meenah. It’s gross outta hand taking your frustration out on – ”

“Then who  _can_ I blame?” Meenah snapped back. “Except for these cowardly motherfuckers, who did nothing in three years to warn us that coming to this place meant walking to our deaths? Who taught us every day knowing full well we ain’t gonna live long enough to use any of their  _fuckin’_ biology or computer science lessons or whatever – ”

“Perhaps you should try reeling back your contempt for us a little, Meenah,” Mindfang said. She was holding onto Redglare, who had crumpled the minute Meenah had let go of her, clutching at her wrist. “And start understanding how there was very little we could do except ensure your minds were at ease for as long as they could be kept that way.”

“Now  _ain’t_  that thoughtful. I’m just saying, if I were you, I woulda done somethin more to  _warn_ us about what was comin, so we would be prepared – or maybe even made some kinda effort to help us  _escape –”_

“I think there’s living proof to the contrary, Meenah,” Mindfang said, blue eyes narrowed. “She’s called the Condesce.”

For a second, Meenah faltered, and then she hardened again. “You fuckin –  ”

 

“They didn’t post the calendar,” Dave said, the second it seemed Meenah was going to use her powers again. “Ms Paint did.”

Everyone was looking at him now.

“Ms Paint?” Meenah’s pierced eyebrow raised half an inch. “Uh-huh. Okay. Well, you just raised damn good point, shades. We’ve gotten an explanation about how  _y’all_ freaks – ” she indicated broadly to the teachers, “ – ended up here on the green moon, working for Scratch, imprisoning children – ”

“Shut the fuck up, Meenah,” Porrim warned.

“ – but what about Snowman and Ms Paint? And Slick and his cronies?”

“Slick and his gang owe Scratch a debt,” Dave said.  _Please don’t torture anyone else. Please just let it go. It’s not going to fix the thing with Scratch, it’s not going to fix anything._ “ - Or that’s what he told me.”

“Okay, so what about Ms Paint?” Meenah looked around the room. “Haven’t seen her in a while, where is the little bitch?”

“I’m here.”

 

 

The open doorway, which had minutes ago held Meenah and Damara, now held Ms Paint. She only took up about half as much space as they had, and her hands were clasped in front of her.

 

Once faced with their housemother, it seemed like even Meenah didn’t have it in her to go over and face off with her like she had with Redglare. She folded her arms instead, ringed fingers flexing.

 

“So? What’s the story?” she said, voice tense, after the room had waited, frozen, for a moment. Dave had a hand on Karkat’s upper arm, which he had put there when it seemed like the other boy was going to intervene again. _Don’t. It’ll just escalate. This is all bad news._

Stepping forward, Damara tipped her hand and let the last of the ashes fall right in front of Ms Paint.

 

“Story?” Ms Paint repeated blankly, looking between the two. Snowman materialized out of the darkness behind her, and leant against the doorframe, but somehow she didn’t look as intimidating as usual. She was expressionless under her wide-brimmed hat.

“ _Yeah_ , the story,” Meenah said. “You posted the calendar, right?”

“I did, yes.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Scratch told me to.”

“And you do everything the bastard tells you to?”

“Of course.”

“Even when it’s – look, cut the shit. What does the fucking calendar  _mean,_ Ms Paint? What is it fucking counting down to?”

“Well. What do you  _think_  it means, Meenah?” Ms Paint said.

Thatwas finally enough. Meenah snapped, and shot forward to grab Ms Paint by the front of her aproned dress.

But as soon as she was touched, Ms Paint collapsed to the ground, every limb gone limp. At the same time, in the doorway behind her, Snowman slid down the frame and fell backwards.

 

 

Everyone was on their feet at once, student and teacher alike. Once the crowd resolved itself, it found Meenah in the center, looking shell-shocked, with Ms Paint’s head on her lap.

The elderly woman's skin had gone completely white – same as the leg sticking out of Snowman’s dress where she had fallen – and it didn’t look like skin anymore. It looked smooth and hard. During the fall, Snowman’s dress had ridden up far enough that one knee was sticking out, and there were deep grooves visible around the joint.

“What the – ” Meenah shook the woman in her lap once, taking her by the once-plump shoulders. She remained lifeless. Her eyes were glassy, like clear beads. “This is – ”

 

“Puppets.”

 

Everyone moved aside for Rose Lalonde, who had just spoken in a voice that was not her own.

The strange green glow that had started in her eyes had now engulfed her whole body, and it almost seemed as though she wasn’t touching the ground at all when she moved forward into the center of the circle that had formed, looming over Meenah and the two fallen forms.

“ _Puppets?”_ Feferi repeated, horrified, from the back. Her hand was clutched in front of her chest.

“They had souls, and believed they were alive,” Rose added, in the voice that wasn’t hers, but which was familiar nonetheless. “But once their strings are cut…”

 

Abruptly, Meenah stood up, letting Ms Paint’s head fall off her lap and onto the ground with a dull clatter. A few people – Feferi and Karkat among them – let out shouts of horror, and dropped to their knees, but Meenah was busy going after Rose now. She got both hands around her neck.

The instant Meenah’s fingers made contact, the green light fled from Rose’s body. The scream that came out of her mouth was her own voice.

 

“Don’t touch her!” Kanaya shouted, and Meenah flew back from an invisible punch and hit the wall.

 

“What is going  _on,”_ Feferi sobbed, cradling Ms Paint’s head. In the middle of it all, Slick had appeared, and was staring at Snowman’s collapsed body. He bent down to touch her cold hand. Rose groaned from the floor. “What is going  _on.”_

 

“I don’t think I can deal with this anymore,” Dave said to Rose, three days later, when the two of them were sitting out on the darkest part of the back lawn together, out in the wind of the mid-afternoon. The calendar had reappeared on Scratch’s door on the same day it had been taken down. Now it had six boxes marked off. “I know I’ve been saying that for a long time, but now I  _actually_ don’t think I can deal with this anymore.”

 

Rose looked at him. The green had retreated to the rings around her irises, and there were bruises on her neck from Meenah’s hands. The wind was throwing her white hair around, meaning he couldn’t fully make out her expression, but he knew it was grim.

 

“Whether you can deal with it or not, it’s going to turn out the same way,” she said. The voice wasn’t Scratch’s, but it wasn’t exactly her own, either, anymore. “And believe me, it’s going to get a lot worse than this.”

 _God, I – everything is so weird and fucked up, and now it got my_ _sister,_   _too –_

“What does that even  _mean,”_ Dave said desperately, "Tell me. No – wait – don’t tell me, I don’t want to know. No – wait – I do –”

“I’ll settle it for you,” Rose interrupted. The planets were moving in the sky behind her. “I don’t tell you; what I do tell you, however is that this is our last chance.”

“Last chance to what?”

Rose got back to her feet, smoothed out her skirt, and said, “Love now, if you’re going to love at all.”

She started back towards the school, leaving Dave sitting anxiously in the shadows.

 

 

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: HEY. ARE YOU AWAKE?  
TG: hey  
TG: uh yeah i am hence the first message saying hey  
TG: whats up  
CG: OKAY, FOR STARTERS, STOP FREAKING OUT. I CAN LITERALLY FEEL YOU FREAKING OUT FROM HERE.  
TG: wait really  
CG: WHAT. NO. NOT REALLY. I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE, BUT I’M GUESSING IT’S NOWHERE NEAR WHERE I AM.  
CG: I *CAN* EMPLOY METAPHOR LIKE ANYONE ELSE, YOU KNOW.  
CG: I JUST MEANT THAT YOU SHOULDN’T PANIC, LIKE I KNOW YOU DEFINITELY DECIDED TO START DOING ONCE YOU SAW MY DREADED HANDLE POP UP ON YOUR SKAIANET NOTIFICATIONS.  
CG: DON’T WORRY, I’M NOT HERE TO FORCE YOU TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS THIS TIME.  
CG: WELL. I AM.  
CG: BUT NOT MUCH.  
TG: great  
CG: IN FACT THIS TIME I’M LIMITING MYSELF TO ONE QUESTION.  
CG: IS THAT OKAY?  
TG: dude you dont have to ration your question asking you can ask as many questions as you like  
TG: i can handle it ive answered questions before  
TG: actually funny thing do you know my sister rose lalonde  
CG: OKAY SHUT UP!!!  
CG: I *KNOW* THAT, LEGALLY SPEAKING, I CAN ASK AS MANY QUESTIONS AS I DAMN WELL PLEASE. IT’S JUST THAT YOU TEND TO FREAK OUT WHEN I TRY AND DO ANY EXTENSIVE PROBING. HENCE, THE ONE QUESTION RULE.  
CG: ALSO HENCE THE DIGITAL FORM IN WHICH THIS CONVERSATION IS TAKING PLACE. SINCE WHEN WE SPEAK IN PERSON YOU SEEM TO THINK I HAVE THE ADDITIONAL “ADVANTAGE” OF READING YOUR EMOTIONS.  
CG: SO HERE I AM, LEVELLING THE PLAYING FIELD. NOW NEITHER OF US HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE OTHER IS FEELING.  
CG: I’M SO FUCKING CONSIDERATE I COULD PUKE.  
CG: NOW TELL ME: IS THAT OKAY?????  
TG: geez yeah its okay  
TG: ask away  
CG: GREAT.  
CG: OKAY.  
CG: HERE’S THE QUESTION.  
CG: DID I UPSET YOU BY FORCING YOU TO ADMIT YOUR FEELINGS TO ME?  
CG: BECAUSE IF I DID, I’M REALLY SORRY.  
TG: what  
CG: I SHOULD HAVE SPECIFIED IN THE TERMS OF THE CONTRACT, BUT “WHAT” IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE ANSWER.  
TG: no i mean  
TG: really what  
CG: NEITHER IS “REALLY WHAT”!!!  
TG: just  
TG: thats a really wild thing to conclude from the evidence you were given  
CG: OH?  
CG: AND WHAT EXACTLY WAS I SUPPOSED TO CONCLUDE, PRAY TELL?  
CG: THINGS HAVEN’T EXACTLY MOVED INTO THE HONEYMOON PERIOD BETWEEN US SINCE THEN.  
CG: NOT THAT I EXPECTED ANYTHING LIKE THAT, CIRCUMSTANCES CONSIDERED.  
CG: WE’RE IN HELL, NOT FIJI.  
CG: BUT YOU SEEMED UPSET IN THE ATTIC AND WE’VE HARDLY SEEN EACH OTHER SINCE.  
CG: DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?  
TG: i wasnt  
TG: look  
TG: lets ignore the murder hell stuff for now bc i know thats been getting us all down  
CG: YEAH, YOU COULD SAY THAT.  
TG: in the attic  
TG: that time  
CG: THAT TIME?  
TG: yeah that time  
TG: that time YOU werent the problem  
TG: oh god i really am pulling out the its not you its me defence arent i  
TG: but i mean its true though  
TG: if i was annoyed or upset or whatever  
TG: which i was  
TG: it wasnt at you it was at myself  
CG: OH.  
TG: dude youre fine  
TG: and youve got to stop blaming yourself for stuff especially stuff that is blatantly the fault of my useless ass  
TG: you kind of did a little bit track me down before i was one hundred percent ready to talk about it but lets be honest with ourselves it probably wouldve ended up the way it did no matter how i tried to play my cards or how in control of the situation i thought i was  
TG: this whole acknowledging my feelings thing is kind of new to me  
TG: you probably dont understand bc youre a real pro at it all loudly acknowledging your feelings left and right for anyone to hear  
CG: WAS THAT AN INSULT?  
TG: not even slightly  
TG: i wish i could be more like that  
TG: just expressing stuff as it comes rather than bottling it up out of some misguided notion i have to create a coolkid persona who never feels anything but smooth disdain just so people will like me  
TG: you on the other hand genuinely dont give a single fuck  
TG: its so great  
TG: you really have your shit figured out karkat  
CG: …  
CG: UH.  
CG: YOU KNOW, I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE FIRST TIME ANYONE HAS ACTUALLY COMPLIMENTED MY INANE SHOUTING?  
CG: THANK YOU.  
TG: youre welcome  
TG: anyway  
TG: please dont blame yourself for the fact that i suck  
CG: YOU DON’T SUCK. A LOT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.  
TG: i do and fuck you sure are right about that buddy  
TG: anyway i really genuinely wanted to be the hero for once and to sweep you off your feet but i dont think im really cut out for that shit  
TG: anyway  
TG: for what its worth  
TG: i like you a hell of a lot dude  
TG: tried not to but it was kind of impossible  
CG: …  
TG: sorry if that wasnt the kind of confession you wanted  
TG: like i said i really suck at this  
CG: NO. IT WAS GOOD, ACTUALLY.  
CG: IN FACT, I’M TEMPTED TO LOG OFF NOW, BEFORE YOU CAN SPOIL IT.  
TG: please do  
TG: ive embarrassed myself enough for one conversation  
CG: OH PLEASE.  
CG: TALK TO ME WHEN YOU’VE GRABBED A MICROPHONE IN FRONT OF CROWD COMPOSED OF NEARLY ALL YOUR PEERS WITH THE MARKED INTENT OF SINGING A SERENADE VERSION OF “CAN’T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU” TO THE BOY OF YOUR DREAMS.  
CG: NOW THAT’S EMBARRASSING.  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased chatting with turntechGodhead [TG]

 

 

 

“So, uh,” Dave said during a particularly gloomy tea party with Jade, sans Nepeta, on day twenty-four. “Did you hear that I’m maybe dating Karkat now?”

 

Jade was so surprised she dropped her cup, but then managed to teleport it safely onto the cushion of the empty chair before it hit the ground.

 

“Not sure, but I think so,” Dave added, after she just gaped soundlessly for a while. “Probably.”

“Dave, that’s awesome!!!” she managed to exclaim, once she had finally found her voice.

“Not really,” Dave said. “I mean, it _is_ awesome, yeah. But I can’t help thinking this is maybe the worst situation trying to be trying to establish a relationship in. Like I can’t stop thinking about the fact that our imminent death looms in under a week.”

“Or our imminent victory?” Jade suggested with a sad smile, cocking her head.

“Yeah. That. Maybe.”

She shuffled closer, eyes shining. “Well? Tell me everything! How did it happen, how did you ask him?”

Then her face fell slightly, and she bopped him on the arm. “Plus –  _why_ didn’t you tell me you liked Karkat sooner? Now I feel really awful about encouraging Nepeta…”

“Sorry. The chance just never came up.”

“Oh, yeah right!” she scolded., going to pick her teacup up from the cushion and stopping. “Wait, I think this situation calls for  _actual_ tea!”

 

Before Dave could protest that it really didn’t, the makeshift table – one of Jade’s abandoned inventions, turned upside-down, because this particular tea party was being hosted in her bedroom – was engulfed by a bright green flash, and suddenly there was a teapot and four steaming cups of Earl Grey sitting atop it.

 

“…Okay. Where did _this_ come from, exactly?” Dave asked, while Jade started busying herself with the sugar cubes.

“Grandpa!” Jade said, picking up her cup and smiling at Dave. Even when she teleported things from other planets, she never looked dizzy after using her powers anymore. “It’s 3 o’clock on the island, which is when he usually takes his tea.” She frowned down at the objects, dejection slipping onto her face even as she visibly fought it. “I can still teleport things over here from Earth, sometimes. But when I try and go there _myself…_ I just can’t. It’s so strange. _”_

Dave was distracted by a more important question. “Why was your grandpa drinking four cups of tea?”

“He sometimes likes to have his distinguished houseguests sit at the table with him. And sometimes Bec, too.” She looked at the cup on the far left, which was shiny with what might be dog slobber. “Hm. Anyway! So. Tell me all about it.”

 

He did.

 

And watched her face get more and more horrified the further into the story he got.

“Oh no!!! Dave! What?” she said, once he was finished telling. “That suuuuucks! You’ve probably dashed his hopes!”

“Hopes?”

“Of getting a Mr Darcy style confession in the tall grass with the sunrise! All you gave him was an awkward conversation in a dusty attic. And it sounds like he had to do most of the work, too!”

Dave looked down at his hands. “Aw, fuck… You think?”

“Well, what’s happened since then?”

He thought. “Yesterday he kissed me once to shut me up when we were having an argument about what the best kind of takeout is. But then we both acted like it didn’t happen. And we held hands at breakfast about, uh, three weeks ago.”

Jade was staring at him like he had grown another head. “So you haven’t… tried anything?”

 _Okay, coming from anyone but Jade that would sound a hell of a lot more skeevy._ “What if he laughs at me?” Dave replied honestly, before he had time to think too hard about it and get embarrassed.

Luckily Jade wasn’t fazed. “Do you really think Karkat would do that?”

“Uh, yeah?”

She thought about it and conceded, with a shrug, “Well, maybe, but would you even care if he did?”

“…No. I guess not.” 

 

Dave settled back in his seat, unhappy, and stared at the ceiling. It was smattered with the flowers that Jade had picked from the grounds a long time ago. Feferi’s greyish undead cuttlefish drifted around in the tank on the other side of the room.

 _I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with Jade,_ he thought. _I can’t believe I used to think I liked_ _Jade like that. I’m so glad I never got the chance to fuck up_ this _friendship by hurling myself into a romantic relationship like a bull in a china shop, at least._

_Wait, that’s not fair. I haven’t fucked my friendship with Karkat up. I mean I fell in love with him of my own accord. Using my own free will. As a goddamn American. And if things are weird between us it’s my fault because if I think about the fact that he likes me back for more than half a second I verge on spontaneously combusting. And I’m pretty sure things would stop being weird between us if I just. Let them stop being weird._

_…Wait. Is this my fault?_

 

“ – Hey,” Dave said, interrupting whatever Jade had been talking about. “Do you think I should take Karkat on like a date or something? Do you think he would like that?”

 

 

He broke out of his thoughts when Jade was silent for a long moment, and he looked over to see her with her arms folded over the front of her squiddles pyjama t-shirt, mouth tightly pursed.

“Wow, Dave. I was _literally_ just saying that,” she said. “Dick move.”

 _Ah. Shit._ “Oh. Sorry. I was…” Dave looked up at the ceiling again, squinting at the sunflower heads dangling from the light fixture, before slowly turning his attention over to the red roses sitting in an empty vase next to Jade’s computer. “…in another world, I guess.”

“Right.” Jade said, voice flat. “You know, now that I think about it, I really am _kind of_ getting tired of people coming to me to complain about their problems when this whole past month all I have been busy doing is _trying_ to come up with a way to get everyone out of here alive. Like maybe we all are dealing with this very stressful situation in different ways and sure you’ve been my friend forever, Dave, and I love you a lot… but also maybe I have better things I could be doing with my time than giving relationship advice to people who aren’t even going to listen to me? Maybe? Dave?”

Dave was still looking at the vase of roses. “Hey. Jade. Do you think Karkat likes flowers?”

Jade’s dark eyebrows lowered even further. The next thing he knew he was flat on his back, out in the rain.

 

 

 

 

“Where the hell are we going, Dave?”

“Damn, dude, would it kill you to just wait and see?”

“Considering the fact that the number of times I’ve almost tripped and broken my nose is now threatening to enter into the triple digits, yeah, I think there’s a good chance it _could_ kill me to just ‘wait and see’ – ”

“ – I saw you fucking open your eyes just then.”

“If you’d just hold my hand this would be a hell of a lot easier, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not going to _do_ that, because we both know that hand-holding equals instant unwanted psychic connection with you, and I’m not risking my – ”

“Oh, please, like I can’t already feel that you’re shitting yourself from a good six feet away!”

“Okay. Okay,” Dave said, stopping in the middle of the clearing. “You can open them, now.”

 

As if expecting some kind of punchline, Karkat hesitated for a couple more seconds before lowering his hand from his eyes and looking around.

 

“We’re… in the wood?” he said. “Okay, I can’t act surprised about that. I stubbed my toe on enough roots to figure it out when we were walking here and also where the fuck else could you have taken me.”

“Yeah, but look.” Dave pointed to the lake beside them, full of fish performing aimless loops. The two were standing on a flat expanse of rock in the shade of a patch of trees, only protected from the light of the weak, distant evening sun by their branches. The rain that had swelled the lake in the last few weeks had cleared up, and now the whole green moon was windless and mild.

There were only three blank boxes left on the calendar on Scratch’s door. It had taken Dave a while to scrape together what was left of his courage.

_And now I’ll have none left for Scratch._

 

“Oh… wait?” Karkat was saying, frowning down at his own reflection in the surface of the water. “…I remember this place?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I threw up over there when I got off the bus in first year, didn’t I?” Karkat pointed left, towards the twisted-up base roots of a big tree.

“Right. And that’s where you threw the carton of orange juice I offered you after you threw up. Sort of towards the middle, over there - ” After a moment, Dave looked away from the patch of rocks he had been pointing to and found Karkat staring at him. His hair was in his face and his face was unattractively red from walking so far, and he looked dumbfounded.

“…Is this really the best shared memory you could come up with?” he asked.

 

Dave froze, and his gaze jumped nervously away. _Okay. God. Looks like I fucked up. I really wish I had more experience with this sort of thing before now. Because I have no idea how any of this is supposed to go and all I know is I want to kiss Karkat really bad and that idea freaks me the hell out._

“Well. No. But it was kind of our first conversation, wasn’t it?” He looked out at the lake, suddenly desperate to avoid Karkat’s eye. “I mean, actually, no, we spoke quite a lot on the bus before that, and – I don’t know if you’d count all the times I tried to troll you on Skaianet before we even met in person, but if you do then it was probably about the thirtieth or whatever time we ever spoke, which doesn’t feel special at all, but it _was_ the first time we were ever, uh, alone together, when you think about it.” His attention moved down to his own muddy shoes. “I don’t know. It seemed important to me.”

Karkat was still quiet beside him after a beat, so he added, without looking up, “Sorry. I should’ve come up with something better.”

_I’m always fucking letting him down._

 

Suddenly there was a grip on his upper arm, over his hoodie, making him jump.

He found Karkat looking at him kind of desperately. “What, you think I expect – a string quartet and a – _fuck_ , Dave, I’m just glad someone will have me,” he said.

Dave stared. “…Uh…”

The hand fell away, and raked through a mess of dark curls instead. “Aw, shit, that’s not what I meant. That was the most pathetic thing I could’ve said in response to your dumb ass taking me to a place where I once blew chunks for our first date. Forget it.”

Dave kept looking at Karkat’s hand, following its path as it fell from touching his hair, back down to his side. “I… don’t think I will, thanks,” he said.

_Should I ask to hold his hand. Wait what the fuck am I thinking, am I five, I don’t have to ask to hold his hand. Uh, but. Should I. Though._

Dave remembered the sceptical look on Karkat’s face in the attic, when Dave had asked, _“What now?”_ , and his hand shot out and gripped Karkat’s tightly. To his surprise, Karkat held it easily, like it was a comfort and not at all a surprise. They both looked out at the sun’s reflection over the water.

 

Not feeling like enough had been expressed, Dave said, “Hey. Karkat. As long as we’re being honest, I want you to know that I think you’re the fucking best.”

 

Karkat’s hand went tense in his. “I… what?”

_I hope he can feel that. Like when we were in the museum, and he read my emotions for the first time, I hope he can feel all of this. How much I want to be here with him, and how he’s my best friend, and how he also manages to make me feel like no one has ever managed to before. And how fucking terrified I am for a lot of different reasons that are not just limited to the calendar on Scratch’s door, but how much I know I would regret it if I didn’t let him know just how much I –_

_– Okay. Maybe I should use my words._

 

“You’re always talking about how you’re the worst and nobody could ever love you,” Dave began, making Karkat flinch, but when he went to pull his hand away Dave gripped it tighter. “And it’s not true, dude. I mean, obviously it’s not true, and not even just because of me. I was trying to tell you this last time we talked, but I don’t think I got it across – ”

He paused when Karkat made a choked-off noise of overwhelmed protest, but it felt like now he had gained momentum he needed to keep going before he lost it forever. After tugging Karkat down by their joined hands – _maybe this’ll be easier sitting down – okay, yeah, it’s not, but at least my legs don’t feel like they're about to collapse under me –_ he went on, “Um. Okay, look at it this way. When I first met you like a year ago, I thought you were maybe not quite the worst person on the whole planet – well yeah probably the worst person on _this_ whole planet, honestly, but not back on Earth, you’ve got more competition there, but still, _close_ to the worst person – wait, that wasn’t – I mean, I thought you were pretty annoying, right? And I still think you’re pretty annoying, except now I think it’s great. I love that you’re the worst. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

 

 _How did that come out so wrong,_ Dave wondered, watching the sun set over the treeline. _And how has he not let go of my hand and punched me in the face yet._

“What the fuck,” Karkat said, but his voice sounded a little watery. Dave chanced a look over, and found his face turned away, with just the curve of his nose visible. “Was that supposed to cheer me up?”

“Yeah,” Dave said, and then winched, “I mean, no. I mean – just, all the bad things you’re always beating yourself up for in public, like how you never shut up and you always wear your heart on your sleeve even if it’s embarrassing and you fly off the handle with an acrobatic passion about even the smallest shit – I think those things are, like, entertaining as hell. And uh. Cute. I guess.” He let his head droop forward until it hit his folded-up knees. “Yeah, I’m trying to be nice and it’s not working, please make me fucking shut up.”

 

Another hand – not the hand that was holding his left one, but probably the other one Karkat possessed – pressed itself against Dave’s cheek and lifted his face, turning him around until he was facing the other boy directly. Karkat said tenderly, looking straight into his eyes, “You are so damn neurotic it gives me secondhand anxiety. As if I didn’t have enough anxiety of my own.”

Dave wilted. “That’s not the nicest way to respond to my heartfelt confession.”

Ignoring that, Karkat patted his cheek, and went on, “Also I can totally tell when you’re using your powers to slow down time to give yourself a chance to think about something.”

Dave froze up. _What._ “I – huh?”

“It’s like a nervous twitch,” Karkat said, frowning. His hand was still on Dave’s cheek, and it was bringing their faces close together. “I can tell because you blink faster than usual, and your emotions start racing at a really weird speed – ”

“I don’t do that,” Dave interrupted, then paused. “…Do I?”

“You do it more than you think, I think.”

“No I don’t.”

“You’re doing it now.”

“That’s just because you’re – all up in my space – ”

 

Agitated, Dave tried to shake both Karkat’s hands off him, but the other boy clung on stubbornly. The ensuing round of petty grappling almost sent them hurtling off the rock and into the water.

 

“ – Get the fuck off me, dude – ”

“ – _You’re_ the one who needs to get off _me_ – ”

“ – How can I get off you when you won’t let go of my hand?”

“…Yeah, well, you’re always fucking running away _anyway_ – ”

 

They reached for each other at the same time, and met in the middle with a hard kiss. Karkat’s mouth was already open to yell, so it was easy enough from there, and when Dave bit down on his lower lip he let out an endearing snort of laughter which quickly turned into a strange noise after Dave entwined a hand into his messy hair.

 

“Shit,” Karkat muttered from under him, eyes half-closed, face red, when Dave pulled away for air, letting their foreheads rest together. His palms were on either side of Karkat’s head, and while he was busy trying to regain his composure, Karkat turned his head and bit one of his wrists.

“ _Shit,”_ Dave echoed, pulling his wrist away, barely able to register the wet mark marring the tendon before he had moved back in – bearing down and turning his face at a more careful angle this time so their noses didn’t mash against one another. The weight of Karkat’s chest pressing against his, heaving for breath, was warm and comforting and solid, and Dave hadn’t realized exactly how much he needed that until this exact moment.

 

When Karkat surged to meet him halfway, his right leg slid up, bending at the knee, and bumped against Dave’s crotch.

 

Dave suddenly came back to himself. He broke away.

“Wait, woah, don’t you think this is kind of. Sudden?” he said, struggling to catch his breath. _Where the fuck are my shades. Oh. There they are. How the hell did they get over there._

Karkat was looking up at him. His hair was flared out around his head where he lay, and one of his hands was on Dave’s ribcage, the other on the right side of his neck with its fingernails digging in. “What are you talking about? We’ve been exchanging coy glances over old reruns of The Real Housewives for well over a year now.” The hand on Dave’s waist froze where it had been rubbing absentminded circles, and he said, voice suddenly nervous, “Unless you mean I’m going too fast for you, in which case, uh, no problem, I can cool it – ”

“No!” Dave said. “No, I meant sudden like... Unexpected.” He winced. “Unromantic.” A pause. “I know how much that stuff matters to you.”

Karkat snorted, and they were so close it ruffled the hair on Dave’s forehead slightly out of place. “What the fuck ever, who cares if you haven’t yet declared the most passionate and chivalrous of undying loves for me? If you’re going to sit there fucking stewing in your own partial boner, subjecting me to it in the process, then I’m going to step the hell up and do something about it. For the good of both of us.”

“That – ” Dave was about to finish that sentence with _sounds pretty reasonable, actually,_ when his phone vibrated and reminded him that there was a world outside him and Karkat and Karkat’s mouth.

_Unfortunately._

“Ignore it,” Karkat said when Dave pulled away slightly to reach into his back pocket, but then his own phone went off and he started patting around in his jeans. 

“ _You_ ignore it,” Dave said, grabbing Karkat’s hand, and they seemed to be jointly decided on doing just that when two ear-splittingly loud and identical alarms went off on their phones at the same time.

 

“ _Okay,_ what the _fuck,”_ Karkat snapped, trying to grapple his phone out of his pocket, just as Dave managed to unlock his.

 

He found it was already open on his ‘Scratch’ app. A new event had appeared on his timetable as of ten seconds ago, and it read: 

ALL REMAINING TEACHERS ARE FIRED.

 

 

Suddenly his phone screen was the only thing visible, as the remaining light in the clearing drained away. It was too early for the sunset, though, and the darkness was unnatural – not the usual blue of night, but a dull grey. The fish, only barely visible through the reflections on the water, had stopped moving in the lake.

“Oh my god,” Karkat said from next to Dave, his face turned upwards, illuminated from beneath by his own phone. Overhead, the sky had turned dead black.

 

 

 

When the two of them arrived back at the school after a flash-stepped journey that seemed like an instant for Karkat and an eternity for Dave carrying him, they found that a grim crowd had already formed in the foyer. The Disciple was in the middle of it, already-wild hair in disarray, and even though several students were trying to help her sit up, she was limp and gasping.

“It’s the ancestors,” Rose, standing to one side, said – answering both boys’ silent question as they rushed over to the circle, with Karkat pushing through the formation to drop to his knees beside their teacher. The dark, sickly green glow around her eyes was the exact same tone as the flush growing on the Disciple’s skin. “They’re all dying.”


End file.
